


Altered Lives

by roslinadamasinequanon



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Children, Drama, Episode: s02e03 The Midterms, Episode: s03e21 We Killed Yamamoto, Episode: s05e19 Talking Points, Episode: s05e21 Gaza, Episode: s05e22 Memorial Day, Episode: s06e01 NSF Thurmont, Episode: s06e02 The Birnam Wood, Episode: s06e03 Third Day Story, Episode: s06e07 A Change Is Gonna Come, Episode: s06e08 In the Room, Episode: s06e09 Impact Winter, Episode: s06e10 Faith Based Initiative, Episode: s06e12 365 Days, F/M, Family, Friendship, Holidays, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Political
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-10
Updated: 2008-12-10
Packaged: 2019-05-15 05:14:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 52
Words: 271,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14784219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roslinadamasinequanon/pseuds/roslinadamasinequanon
Summary: A series of challenges and life altering moments begin with Jed and Abbey's return from their second honeymoon to Ireland.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

"I appreciate you meeting me at such short notice. I know it's early, but since I just got back from vacation my schedule is jammed to the second." 

Admiral Fitzwallace grinned and shook the President's hand. "I never turn down a free breakfast, especially one prepared by White House chefs." 

"Well, have a seat and dig in." 

They were in the solarium on the top floor of the Residence. It was the Bartlets' favorite room for private family time and Fitz could see why. It was a bright sunny room affording views of the sky and Washington D.C. from the walls of nearly ceiling to floor windows. The walls were painted a cheery yellow, with cooler undertones of blues and greens in the drapes, couches and carpets. Flowers in vivid shades of reds and yellows and pinks and blues grew with profusion in indoor window boxes and large green plants filled in the corners. The Bartlets' love of nature was displayed in pictures depicting scenes from the various national parks across the nation – the crashing surf of the Maine coast in Acadia, the wildlife and wilderness of Yellowstone, the tropical swamps of the Everglades, the austere beauty of a desert night among the sand dunes in Death Valley and the breathtaking glaciers and northern lights in Glacier Bay, Alaska. A long table running along the back of the flowered chintz couch held a myriad of family pictures and in front of it sat a large flat screen LCD television he knew the President used Saturday afternoons to watch his beloved "Fighting Irish". There was a small kitchenette at one end of the room and at the other a corner had been devoted to what looked like a family play area. A small round table with little chairs surrounding it was piled with puzzles and obviously the retreat for the youngest Bartlets who also had a large toy box stenciled with their names pushed against the wall. Another larger table sat in front of a shelf filled with every board game imaginable and, of course, the President's treasured "Texas Hold'em" poker set. The table they sat eating at was in front of French doors that led out to the promenade where there was a gas grill and a patio set where the President liked to grill steaks and the family could dine out of doors just like many families during the American summer. 

Over breakfast Jed explained to Fitz why he wanted the now retired Admiral, with whom he'd developed a friendship and rapport, to accompany a delegation from Congress to the Middle East and keep them out of trouble and from making trouble. He was in effect to be the President's eyes and ears. The Middle East was, as it had been throughout history, an extremely volatile place and Jed did not want the delegation making promises that he was not ready to keep or to build greater feelings of animosity. 

"You know what these CODELs are like," Leo said. "We don't need any dime-store diplomats gumming up the peace process." 

"There is no peace process," Fitz reminded him. "Dime-store diplomats may be better than no diplomats at all." 

"We really need a bunch of Congressmen doing back-seat diplomacy?" Jed knew just how dicey the situation was especially with the destabilization of Qumar since the kidnapping of his family. They were working on opening lines of communication behind the scenes and he didn't want this delegation screwing anything up. 

"You really want me to go all the way to the Middle East with a whistle around my neck and teach Congressmen how to make lanyards?" 

"I need you to go so we can stay out of trouble. It's the best we can do in that region right now. Come back with some lanyards, I'll toss in a couple of new medals." 

"I'll go." 

"Thank you, Fitz." 

As Fitz rose to leave, the elevator door opened and out walked a little girl with tumbling blond curls still in her Dora the Explorer pajamas that held remnants of her breakfast smeared on the front. A bit of maple syrup lay sticky on her chin. She held a shopping bag in her hands. 

"Hi, Daddy." She was nonchalant, as if she rode alone on the elevator all the time. The serious look on Jed's face softened at the sight of his daughter. 

"Hello, baby girl. Where's your mother?" 

Aislinn shrugged but Jed could see from the look of guilt on her face that Aislinn had probably sneaked away. 

"I wanna show you my clothes Mommy bought me for school tomorrow." She started pulling clothes out of the bag then looked up at the amused Leo and Fitz and told them, "I'm going to school tomorrow." 

"So I've heard," Leo grinned. The fact that Aislinn and Nicholas Bartlet were starting pre-school had turned into a bit of a national event. 

"I can alweady write all my letters and numbers and I'm gonna show my teacher." 

"You're a smart girl," Fitz nodded encouragingly. 

"This is what I'm gonna wear," she yanked out a khaki skort and held it out to the men. "See there's butterflies on it. I like butterflies." The skort was indeed embroidered with purple and pink butterflies. 

"It's very you, Miss Aislinn," Leo told her with her affection. 

"Yup. And look my shirt has a BIG butterfly." The white T-shirt had a large matching embroidered butterfly and was trimmed in eyelet lace. "I got a backpack too and..." 

"Aislinn...Faith...Bartlet," Abbey's stern voice came from the top of the staircase. 

"Looks like you're busted, kiddo," Fitz grinned. Aislinn nodded her skinny shoulders, slumping in defeat. 

**** 

"You have GOT to be kidding me," Josh slammed the folder Amy handed him down on his desk. 

"Do I look like I'm kidding? It's off the shelf, Josh. We're going to revamp and get the Violence Against Women Act passed once and for all." Amy was relishing this moment. THIS was why she had taken the job as the First Lady's Chief of Staff, to take on the big boys and fight for women and children. Abbey hadn't been up to much of anything other than healing her family last year, but this year was going to be different. 

"You guys got the money out of the budget to combat domestic violence. What more do you want?" 

"We want the whole enchilada, Josh. And, by the way, is whining simply a knee jerk reaction for you or do you have to work at it?" 

"I'm just saying that we have a lot of other things on our agenda." 

"And now this is on it too. The First Lady is going to be barnstorming around the country to raise awareness. We're talking stiffer penalties for rape, assault, stalking and child abuse. We're talking money for more shelters, counseling, and programs to get women and their families back on their feet once they're out of abusive relationships. It's going to get passed this time, Josh, the First Lady is extremely committed...and the President is behind it 100% and that means so are YOU." 

"You know just because he spent the summer banging the First Lady all over Ireland doesn't mean–" 

"That's ENOUGH," Leo angrily stepped into Josh's office and shut the door. "What is the problem here?" 

"Josh here was just telling me about how the First Lady pussy whipped the President into doing her bidding." 

Josh rolled his eyes at her. "You know I didn't mean anything by it." 

"Of course you did. That's the way you think women operate, isn't it. Just what IS your problem with women anyway?" 

"All right, enough. Can we please keep this from being personal." He turned to Josh with a stern glare. "I don't want to hear any more talk about how the President and First Lady come to any of their decisions and I especially don't ever want to hear you insinuate that President Bartlet has been in any way 'pussy whipped'. You know damn well that he's wanted to get the Violence Against Women Act passed, but something else always seemed to come up on the agenda. We've always convinced him to shelve it and wait for a better time or the Republicans have destroyed it in committee. We only have a couple more years, he wants to tie up the loose ends and this is a loose end that's been bothering him. Your job is to serve the President AND the First Lady when it comes down to it. If you have a problem with that–" 

"No, no, no problem," Josh was quick to assure his boss of his loyalty. 

"Good, then you two make nice and start working together." 

"Yes, sir." 

Leo left the office shaking his head. Those two would either come up with one formidable bill or kill each other in the process. 

**** 

"You know, Isaac, if you'd just listen to me, we could get this leg wound fixed up once in for all." Abbey shook her head as she eyed the infected ulceration on the leg of her elderly African American patient. She had great affection for Isaac Brawley but he also frustrated her. He was a diabetic and she'd had the devil of a time trying to convince him to take care of himself. She'd gone over nutritional charts with him, shown him how to test his blood and how to inject himself with insulin, but simply knowing did not mean doing. Isaac did not feel sick and therefore did not really believe that he was sick. Now, however, he had a wound that was not healing, one of the great dangers of diabetes. 

"It's just a little cut. It'll scab over," Isaac protested. 

Abbey looked up from where she was cutting away the dead flesh at the edges of the wound, the sweet smell of infection pungent in the air. "You are very close to having gangrene, Isaac. Do you know what that means?" 

Isaac shrugged. He knew. "I had friends that lost legs and arms to gangrene in World War II." 

"Well, I don't want to see that happen to you. This isn't wartime. We have the tools to help you, Isaac, but you have to help yourself. You have to use the tools we give you." Abbey finished cleansing the wound then bandaged it. "Okay, you know the routine, turn around." 

Isaac grinned. "Maybe that's why I don't take better care of myself. 'Bout the only way I can get a pretty lady to look at my skinny black ass nowadays is to give me a shot of antibiotics." 

"Tell you what. You start taking care of that wound better and taking your insulin and you can come down here anytime and I'll give you a placebo in the rear." 

Isaac's eyes widened as he glanced back over his shoulder at her. "That sounds a little kinky, Doc. Just what you got in mind?" 

Abbey shook her head with a soft laugh. "A placebo is sugar water, Isaac. A pretend shot." 

"Guess I'll have to think about that." Isaac winced and rubbed his rear as Abbey disposed of her syringe and took off her gloves to write out a prescription. "Maria," she called out to one of the non-medical personnel volunteers. Amazingly enough, with the arrival of the First Lady as a doctor on staff, the volunteer rate had skyrocketed. 

"Yes, ma'am?" Maria Gonzalez dreamed one day of becoming a doctor and she worshipped the ground Dr. Abigail Bartlet walked on. She followed the doctor around like a puppy dog hoping to learn from her. 

"Could you please take Mr. Brawley here down to the pharmacy on the corner and make sure he fills his prescription for doxycycline." 

"Now just a minute. I ain't no child that needs some little girl to hold my hand to take me to the store." 

"Isaac, think of it this way. How many of your cronies are going to envy you taking a little stroll with a pretty lady like Maria?" 

Isaac turned to the young woman, a big grin creasing his wizened old face. "You may jus be right 'bout that, Doc." He crooked an arm to Maria who cast Abbey a "you owe me" look as she slid her arm through his. 

"Make sure he takes these too." Abbey pressed a bag filled with clean bandages, antiseptic and testing strips into Maria's hand, then the two were off. 

Nancy, one of the nurses that Abbey had become rather close to, approached her. "You know he isn't going to clean and bandage that wound and he probably won't use the testing strips." 

"All I can do is try, Nancy. I've brought the mountain as close to Mohammed as I can. But I think I'm going to see if I can get VNA to stop at his place for a check." 

Nancy nodded. "That's probably a good idea, although I'm not sure they'll be able to get through his thick skull either." She turned to look at the clock. "Why don't you take a break. We don't have another appointment for a half hour and by then Jerry should be here." 

Abbey looked at the nurse gratefully. Breakfast had been a very long time ago. "I think I'll take you up on that. I'll grab a quick bite and finish up my paperwork." 

Nancy nodded and left Abbey in the tiny room that combined as an office and break room. Abbey reached into the fridge and pulled out her lunch smiling at the incongruity of eating a lunch prepared by White House chefs in the dingy office. Sighing, she kicked her shoes off and settled back to take a bite of her gourmet chicken salad sandwich. It had been a busy day, although not particularly taxing – mostly immunizations and sports physicals for the imminent arrival of the school year. Still, it was good to be back. Good to be once again looking in ears and eyes and throats, listening to the beat of hearts and doling out medication and advice. This work was her life's blood. She was born to be a healer, to fix the injured and the ill and while she had enjoyed every moment of her vacation, it was truly nice to get back to work. Neither she nor Jed had the temperaments to keep them away from their work for long, they were too passionate about it, too involved and certainly too committed. People were either doers or watchers and she and Jed were definitely doers. More than that, it had been good to get away from the White House and the television specials and news reports that were obsessed, in their sensationalistic way, with the anniversary of the kidnapping. Something she would just as soon forget. 

"Dr. Bartlet! Dr. Bartlet! We need you right away!" 

Abbey tossed her sandwich down and was already slipping into rubber gloves as she raced from the office, Nancy's breathless call to her spurring her to action. As she stepped into what passed for a lobby, she watched four young gang members from a local gang they'd seen plenty of carry in a fifth member who was howling and swearing in agony. A blanket around his waist was soaked with blood. 

"What happened?" Abbey asked. 

"Don't let that bitch near me!" the wounded man shrieked. "I don't want no bitches TOUCHIN' me. Fucking WOMEN!" 

Clearly at a loss, the four young men looked from their friend to the small woman standing before them in a lab coat, green eyes firm. 

"Look, your friend there is clearly bleeding profusely. Now you can either let me have a look or you can hold him right there and let him bleed to death." 

One, clearly the leader, made the decision and nodded to her. "Where do you want Darnell?" 

Abbey pointed to an exam room. "What happened?" she asked again as the men stretched him out. 

"Fucking bitch!" Darnell sobbed tears and mucus ran down his face. "Fucking little cunt tried to cut my dick off!" 

Abbey's eyes widened. She had not been expecting to hear that. She lifted the blanket from the man's lower extremities and saw that he had not been exaggerating. A jagged cut had torn the man's scrotum and severed enough of the penis so that it lay flopping on his right thigh. But, it was still attached. She turned to Nancy. 

"Call and arrange for medical transport. I'll do what I can but he's going to need to see a urologist." 

"You just lucky I didn't finish the job off Darnell!" A very distraught young woman came surging through the doors making a beeline for the exam room. Thankfully, the U.S. Secret Service was there to stop her. "Don't you fix him, lady!" she shrieked. "You let that damn pecker fall right off." 

Abbey shut the door to the exam room while the Service carried off the spitting, furious woman. 

"Don't you let that little Hoe near me!" Darnell's hand's moved to cover his mangled groin. 

"Don't worry, she's not going to get in here." Abbey prepared a syringe. "Who is she?" 

"My girlfriend." 

"Really?" Abbey's brow lifted. "You always call your girlfriend a whore, and well, other words that are too filthy to be repeated." 

"I call her whatever the fuck I want." 

"Well, looks like you called her something nasty one too many times for her to do something like this. Now, hold still, this is going to sting. I'm giving you a local anesthetic to numb the area." 

"Shit man. She didn't stab me 'cause I called her a whore...Damn, BITCH, that hurt." 

Abbey stopped for a moment her emerald eyes a laser beam. "Darnell, is it?" He nodded. "Well, Darnell, you may refer to me as Dr. Bartlet or Doc or Ma'am, but do NOT refer to me as 'bitch' again." Darnell glared, but could see the good doctor meant business and she was, after all, the one holding a needle near his penis. 

Abbey cleansed the wound and fought to get the bleeding somewhat under control before preparing to suture him up. This was one for her journal. The first time she'd ever had to sew a man's balls back together and reattach his penis. Glasses perched on her nose she began the delicate business. "So, are you going to tell me how you ended up in this predicament?" 

Darnell snorted. "How you ended up in this predicament," he mimicked her. "I like the way you talk bi...doc. It's a prissy but kind of smart ass." He sucked in his breath with a gasp of pain while Abbey worked. The local hadn't completely taken effect yet, but she had to stop the bleeding. 

"Cherise come after him 'cause she found out he's been poking her sister Tanisha." 

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Terrill." 

"What?" Terrill frowned. "She asked." 

"Yeah, well she's holding a fucking scalpel next to MY dick. You don't think she's going to want to finish off the job?" 

"I can't." Abbey's brow was knit as she concentrated on the delicate suturing but she could hear the conversation as a sort of background music, the same way she'd heard the music when she was in surgery. 

"Cain't what?" 

"No matter what kind of heinous thing you've done and believe me, having sex with a woman's sister is extremely high up on the heinous list, I can't finish off the job for her. I have to treat you." 

"That's right. You docs gotta take some hypocritic oath." 

"Hippocratic," Abbey corrected. "And, yes, we do." 

"What's it mean?" Terrill asked. 

"It means that no matter how much I might despise someone one or hate what they've done or even hate THEM, I have to do my best to heal them." 

"That's bullshit, man." 

"Well, yes, but that bullshit is going to keep your friend here with an appendage I doubt he'd want to be without." 

That statement brought a very real fear to the forefront and Darnell looked down at the patchwork of sutures holding him together. "Am I still gonna be able to get me a piece when you're done?" 

Abbey sighed. "If you're asking me if you're going to be able to have an erection, I don't know. I don't know how much damage was done. You'll be seeing a urologist when you get to the hospital. In fact, I think I hear the ambulance now." 

Abbey's work was finished. The paramedics entered, transferring Darnell to a stretcher and wheeling him out while he screamed at them not to let "that bitch Cherise" near him. As Abbey followed the stretcher, she saw that the D.C. police had arrived and were questioning a now distraught Cherise, the girl's anger having evaporated into sobs of pain. Her heart went out to her. While obviously she should not have tried to cut off the genitalia of her boyfriend, passionate rage did not often see clearly. What a horrible thing to have your love destroyed that way. She had no way of knowing that five hundred miles away in Derry, New Hampshire her own daughter was experiencing the same emotional heartbreak. 

**** 

Elizabeth Westin sat on her back porch staring into a mug of coffee as if she might find all her answers in the swirl of coffee and cream. Her gaze moved to the swing set in the yard and she thought about her children wondering for the hundredth time if she was making the right decision. It had only been two weeks. The wound was still raw; the pain suffocating at times and yet there was nobody she could turn to. The shame was overpowering, overwhelming. Doug had destroyed her confidence as a wife, as a lover, as a person. A part of her yearned terribly for her mother – for that one person who would put her arms around her and tell her it would all work out, that it would be okay. With comfort, however, came complications. Her mother was a no-nonsense kind of person and after the comfort, she would be insisting on action, action she had been too numb to make. 

She'd thought about her sisters but for differing reasons couldn't bring herself to make the calls. Zoey was just a kid and she was only just beginning to think of her sister as a young woman who might offer comfort and support. Zoey was her baby sister; it was SHE who had spent a lifetime advising HER and helping her and taking care of her, not the other way around. Besides, her loyal, feisty little sister would probably go after Doug with a baseball bat, or more likely a horse quirt, something she would probably get a real kick out of. Zoey didn't like Doug any better than her parents did and she was opinionated enough to make that known. Ellie was a different story. She had actually called Ellie and gotten her machine, but then chickened out and never left a message. Ellie was the least judgmental of the Bartlets and while over the years Elizabeth had seen disdain shine in her eyes when it came to Doug, never had she let on to any dislike, that just wasn't her way. She knew her middle sister would have offered a comforting shoulder, but Ellie was busy with her work and with snatching moments together Sam. 

Excuses. She knew they were all excuses. The truth of the matter was, she couldn't tell anyone about what had happened. She was far too humiliated and ashamed and she HATED that she was ashamed. If anyone should feel ashamed, it was Doug. 

"Liz?" 

Elizabeth turned to see her husband step out onto the back porch and a shudder went through her body. She hadn't seen nor spoken with him for two weeks except to set up this meeting and now just hearing his voice had plunged her back to the day she had innocently returned home from Maine to find her life changed forever. 

_(Derry, New Hampshire - 2 weeks previous)_

Smiling, Elizabeth gazed out the window as her agent took the exit off the highway that would bring her home. It was a glorious summer day; the sun was shining and she'd had one of her agents run into the market for steaks, salad fixings and a bottle of Merlot. She planned to surprise her husband with a romantic dinner. Their relationship had fallen quite flat lately and the two weeks she'd spent at the beach taking care of her younger siblings had not exactly turned out the way she had expected. She had pictured sunset walks on the beach with her husband and curling up in the evenings on the porch swing while they watched all the children play. Instead, Doug had been too busy to return and she had spent far more time with Zoey than she had him. Never an exceedingly passionate couple, Elizabeth had not even noticed the distance that seemed to have grown even further between them until her parents' vow renewal ceremony. Watching them, sucked into the romance of the moment, she had decided then and there to try to rekindle what little flame there had been in the beginning of her relationship with Doug and knew that given Doug's lackadaisical attitude toward anything, if there was an effort to be made it would have to come from her. That was okay. She had long ago come to terms with the fact that she would have to take a lead position in their marriage. So, she had dropped Annie and Gus off in Manchester to visit with their Westin grandparents and planned for a weekend alone with her husband. 

She wasn't all that surprised to see Doug's car in the garage on a weekday. He quite often liked to beg off work early to go golfing with his buddies. He'd probably been picked up by one of the guys and that would give her time to prepare her special dinner. She paused by the front stairs leading up to the porch and on a whim plucked a few flowers she had planted there. Humming softly she opened the door that led to a small entryway and stairs leading up to the second floor. She started past the staircase intending to go straight to the kitchen with her groceries when she heard the low undertones of a male voice coming from upstairs. So, Doug was home. Hoping to surprise him, she set down the bag of groceries and still clutching her flowers, she made her way up the stairs. At the top of the landing, she heard the unmistakable sound of a deep moan coming from her bedroom. The kind of moan that was only emanated in extreme pain – or extreme pleasure. She froze to that spot for a moment, her breath catching in her throat. Then she heard it again. The creaking of the bed, a deep male moan and this time a responding feminine squeak. 

"Yes, Dougie, oh YES!" It was a voice that was painfully familiar to her. 

Heart racing, limbs shaking, Elizabeth moved forward and took hold of the doorknob to her bedroom. Knowing what she would find behind it did not alleviate the shock of seeing her husband's bare ass pounding enthusiastically away into the body of their children's nanny. Fury rising, all she could think of at the moment was that her husband was screwing another woman on HER marriage bed, staining the duvet cover SHE had purchased with their foul bodily secretions. 

"You son of a bitch." 

Doug nearly jumped out of his skin at the cold fury of his wife's voice. 

"Liz! What the hell are you doing home?!" He immediately withdrew from Astrid's body and shoved her away from him. Elizabeth quickly averted her eyes from the woman's wet pubic hair and her husband's equally glistening, shrinking penis. Leave it to Doug to try to switch the blame onto her, but she'd deal with him later. At the moment, her wrath fell on the woman that was scrambling to cover herself. 

"Get out of MY bed, you disgusting whore." 

"Please, Mrs. Westin," she sobbed. "Please, I didn't mean..." 

"Oh, I think you very well DID mean. What are you even doing here? I gave you the whole month off until school..." she paused as it hit her. "Oh my God, you never left, did you?" She turned to Doug. "THIS is why you couldn't come to the beach, because you were back here fucking the nanny. Jesus Christ, this is unreal." 

"Liz, please it isn't what you think." 

"Really? You're a figment of my imagination?" She shook her head with repulsion. "You both make me sick." 

"Liz, please." 

Elizabeth ignored her husband who was now struggling into his underwear 

"I hope he was worth it, Astrid, because you're FIRED. I'm not sure what HE plans to do with you, but I don't ever want you near my children again." She turned to leave the room slamming the door behind her. 

"LIZ!" Doug chased her down the stairs. She kept walking without turning. "ELIZABETH, STOP!" He caught up to her grabbing her elbow. 

"Let GO of me." She yanked her arm from his grasp. 

"Liz, please it isn't how it looks." 

She snorted with derision. "Do you have any idea how pathetic you sound? You're just a walking cliché." 

"Look, Liz I know you're upset, but come ON. I love you. She didn't mean anything to me." 

"That's supposed to make me feel better? To know that you'd risk losing the kids and me for someone that doesn't even mean anything to you. Cheap price to pay, DOUGIE. I want you out of here." 

Panic lit Doug's eyes. Liz was really furious and she was serious. He didn't want to lose his family and he was smart enough to know that without Elizabeth Bartlet at his side, any chance he might have at Congress was gone. Every door she'd opened for him would be slammed just as quickly in his face. "Lizzie, baby, you can't do this. I love you. I need you." 

"You sure as hell DO need me, but love me? I don't think so. This isn't the way that you treat people you LOVE." 

"Lizzie, think about the kids." 

"Don't you DARE bring the children into this!" Elizabeth's control snapped and her blue eyes burned with fire. "Were you thinking about them when you were fucking their NANNY?!" 

"Lizzie, come on. I'm not proud of what I've done but we need to sit down and talk. You know it hasn't been easy for me to be married to you – to a Bartlet. To always be living under your father's shadow." 

"Funny, you don't seem to mind that when it's opening doors for you. When people who normally wouldn't give you the time of day want you to join their foursomes at the country club." 

"That's not what I'm talking about. It's just...Hell, he even paid for this house." 

"Spare me, Doug. That money was from him AND my mother and it was for the down payment on this house so we could have a home after we got married. They were helping us, NOT buying us and they never asked for a damn thing in return or held it over your head. It was a GIFT. And you know you were certainly eager to accept it when it was offered." 

"I shouldn't have said that. I just–" 

"You just wanted to distract me from what I just found you doing in OUR bedroom in OUR bed and to make me feel sorry for you. Sorry, it didn't work. I'm done talking. Get the hell out of here." 

"What are you going to tell the kids?" 

"I'll think of something. I need time. I need to think about what I'm going to do about you, about us." 

"Just remember, I love you." 

The three words actually made Elizabeth's skin crawl. "Just get out." 

_(Derry - present day)_

"Lizzie?" Doug touched his wife's shoulder. "How have you been?" 

She gave a sad laugh. "How do you think I've been, Doug?" 

He nodded clearly not wanting to argue with her. "You said you were ready to talk. Have you made a decision about us?" 

Elizabeth turned to her husband. How could he think it was all so cut and dried? Did he not understand what she'd been through these past two weeks, coming up with an excuse for his absence to the children, tossing and turning every night with the vision of him pumping away between Astrid's thighs, pretending that all was well while damn near fumigating her bedroom? Looking at him now, seeing vacancy in his eyes where there should be remorse, she had to wonder if there ever been a time when she'd really believed that he had substance and soul? Had he ever been the kind of man that she wanted him to be? 

"There are a few times in a person's lifetime when they know for sure that their life has been irrevocably changed, altered in some way forever – getting married, having a child, saying good-bye to a loved one who has passed – all those life altering moments. That's how I felt when I walked in on you and Astrid. You ripped away every pretense that I'd had about us having a good marriage and exposed it to me in ways that I refused to allow myself to see. And, maybe that wasn't a bad thing because it was an illusion, Doug, and now my eyes are wide open. Yes, we do need to talk and yes, I have made a few decisions." 

**** 

Abbey heard Jed quietly enter the bedroom and squinted at the clock. It was just after midnight but she was still awake. She listened to the water running in the bathroom, heard the toilet flush and watched him re-enter the room in his boxers and T-shirt. He was trying hard to be quiet, so she could see why he was surprised when she lifted the covers to allow his entrance into her warm cocoon. 

"You're still awake," he said. 

"Mmm..." She snuggled up under his arm. "You're late." 

"Yeah, lot of catching up to do. World didn't stop while I was on vacation." 

"You okay? You sound funny." 

"I'm fine, just tired. I feel like I've been butting heads with Leo all day." 

"Are you having a problem there?" 

"Just the same old stuff. Leo and I have rubbing each other wrong for a while now. I don't know. It's like he thinks that he's supposed to be the one calling the shots or that I'm supposed to fall in line with his way of thinking or abide by his decisions and that he just doesn't get that while he is my most trusted policy advisor, he is not my ONLY policy advisor and that ultimately the decisions are up to me" 

"It was bound to happen." 

"What does that mean?" 

"Jed, when you started this job you relied very heavily on Leo, especially in military manners. You did follow his lead. He was in the loop while you've always been the maverick on the fringe of the Democratic Party. You needed him to pave the way in. You don't need him so much now, not even when it comes to the military. You've built a rapport with them and they respect you. You've even become friends with Fitz. You don't need him so much now. Leo was bound to feel slighted." 

"I still need him." 

"I know that. But it has to be hard for him to deal with the fact that you don't need him so much anymore. You've grown so much in this job, Jed. You're so savvy and confident and you've built your own bridges. It's been incredible for me to watch you. But for Leo is has to be bittersweet. It's kind of like how we felt parenting teenagers. They still need you, but you aren't the be all end all to them anymore. They have teachers and coaches and friends who are all giving them advice and you aren't the only one they're turning to anymore. You know it's natural. You know it's right, but it still hurts sometimes." 

Jed ran his hand up and down her arm in a comforting manner. "I think we aren't just talking about me here. Are you mulling over the twins starting school tomorrow?" 

"PRE-school," she reminded him. "Don't push it any further than it is." 

Jed smiled tenderly and kissed the top of her head. It was hard for the mama to watch her chicks grow. "You're right, it is pre-school. 8:30 to 11:30 three days a week. They're only three. It's not like they're leaving the nest yet." 

"I know, it's just..." 

"You feel less needed. When they stopped nursing, they didn't need to rely on you and your breasts for sustenance. When they started walking, they didn't need you to carry them around everywhere. When they started talking, they didn't need you to try to figure out what they needed or wanted and now–" 

"Hey," she tapped his chest with her palm. "You're supposed to be making me feel better here." 

He chuckled. "Sorry, I'm just trying to say that while every step leads to more independence, they're still going to need us for a very long time. Now, we'll change the subject. How was it to be back at the clinic today?" 

"Very interesting. I have an eighty year old man who wants to come back and get fake shots in the bum 'cause it's the only action he gets and another man who was very nearly castrated. His testicles were pretty much severed and his penis about halfway there. It was literally dangling. Another half inch and it would have been a complete castration." 

"Abbey!" Jed's hand moved to cover his privates with sympathy pains. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. What are you trying to do? Give me nightmares?" 

Abbey laughed her breath warm against his chest. "He cheated on his girlfriend. Let that be a lesson." 

"As if I need a lesson." His fingers moved through her hair. "But, please remind me never to ask you about your day right before bed again." 

She nodded. "Okay." The word came out on a yawn, as her eyelids grew very heavy. Just having Jed beside her in bed relaxed her and after their little chat, she was feeling much better about the following day so it didn't take long at all for her to fall asleep. 


	2. Altered Lives

Deciding what to do about her marriage was the hardest thing that Elizabeth had ever had to do. Harder even than when she had been an eighteen year old freshman in college deciding what to do about an unwanted pregnancy – a pregnancy that had come about through a GHB induced rape. At least then she had not been alone, she had been able to turn to her parents and after their initial shock, they had been extremely supportive of her and she had never felt alone. That feeling of loneliness, of having no one to turn to, was one of the most difficult aspects of dealing with the mess her husband had created. After days of trying to go it alone, trying to come up some answers, she had turned to Father Tom. 

Faith had been an integral part of growing up the daughter of Jed and Abbey Bartlet. Turning to the church for guidance was as natural as breathing to them. Tom had helped her tremendously just by listening and by allowing her to weigh out all her options without judgement. She knew many priests even today would counsel her to look the other way for the sake of her family and warn that marriage was a sacrament unable to be dissolved. But, that was not Tom Cavanaugh's way. He had known Elizabeth since she was two years old and newly returned from London with her parents. He had listened to her first confession, celebrated her First Communion and Confirmation, counseled her in her decision about her pregnancy, baptized her daughter and celebrated her Wedding Mass. He wanted what was best for HER, not just what was best in the eyes of the church. Elizabeth knew that he would think no less of her if she made the decision to divorce Doug. But divorce? Could she do that? 

All her life her parents' had spoken of the sanctity of marriage and the importance of working hard to stay true to all the vows that a couple made to each other in that ceremony. She had watched them work together as a team, allowing each other the freedom to pursue their dreams and goals and yet pulling together to help each other achieve those goals whenever they were needed. Vivid in her childhood memories were the times as a little girl she would awaken in the dark of the night to find her parents dining quietly and intimately on the meal her father had kept warm for her mother while she was working late at the hospital and later as a teenager, the conflicting emotions of happiness and embarrassment as she had watched the joy with which her mother greeted her father when he came home Friday nights from Washington, veritably throwing herself into his arms and the long kisses that had followed. It had been so comforting to grow up that way, knowing that whatever happened, whatever difficulties arose, her parents loved each other very deeply. Nothing she had experienced growing up had taught her how to deal with the situation she was now in. Marriage was supposed to be forever. And yet, it was Doug who had broken his vows, not her. He had pledged his love and fidelity to her, had promised to put her above all others and to remain faithful to her forever, yet he had not done so and had instead hurt her as deeply as a man could hurt a woman. 

Divorce at first had seemed the only option. How could she live with a man who had such little regard for her or their children? And yet, ultimately it was those children that would make her decision for her. For years she had listened to her parents discussing what the sky rocketing divorce rate in the country was doing to children and then she had seen it herself when she was teaching – the pain, the confusion, the anger, the resentment. When she looked at Annie and Gus sitting at the breakfast table in their pajamas, so innocent and unaware of the bomb that lay beneath their feet, it very nearly broke her heart. She held their fragile little world in her hands and she just wasn't sure that she could blow that world to smithereens. People stayed together for the sake of the children all the time; there wasn't any reason that she couldn't do it too. 

She eyed Doug sitting uncomfortably across from her, squirming in his seat awaiting her word and crossed her arms protectively over her chest. "You want to know my decision?" 

He nodded. 

"Well before we get into that there are a few things that I need to know." 

"Okay." 

"First of all, I want to know if you had sex with that woman while our children were in the house? When she was supposed to be watching them?" 

"No. No, God, I wouldn't do that," he protested with sense of offense that Liz found laughable considering what he had done. 

"Forgive me for not mistaking you for Mr. Morality here. You've hardly earned the title." 

"Okay, I deserved that. But I wouldn't have done it with the kids in the house." 

"But it had been going on before we went to Maine, hadn't it? You were having sex with her before we went to Maine, right?" 

Doug nodded sheepishly. Elizabeth felt a horrible tightening in her chest. While she had been dancing with him at her parents' vow renewal service filled with visions of rekindling the flame in their marriage, he was thinking about getting back to his mistress. 

"How many others were there?" 

"What?" 

"How many women have you slept with since we've been married?" 

"Elizabeth!" 

"I want you to know that I got myself tested for HIV and all the other disgusting little diseases you might have infected me with." 

He looked shocked. "It was just Astrid, I swear, and I used, um, protection." 

"I saw the condom, but that doesn't mean you always used one." 

"I'd never do that to you, Liz. I'd never bring home a disease, you should know that." 

"How do I know what you'd do, Doug? I never thought you'd fuck the children's nanny on our bed either. By the way, is she gone?" Elizabeth couldn't bring herself to say the woman's name. 

"Yes, she left for Stockholm right away." 

"And what makes you think she isn't going to say anything to the press?" 

"She wouldn't. She wouldn't want to embarrass her family that way." 

"Well, bully for her. Guess she doesn't want the infamy of being one of a long line of bimbos flitting around an amoral would-be politician who can't keep his pants zipped." 

"Lizzie, please, it wasn't like that." 

Elizabeth's glacier blue eyes cut him short. "Just what was it like?" 

He shook his head. "You don't want the gory details." 

"No, you're probably right. It already turns my stomach. But, what I do want to know is why." 

"What?" 

"I want to know why. I want to know why you jeopardized everything for this woman. Am I not attractive to you anymore? Not adventurous enough for you sexually? Were you bored? What was it, Doug?" What did I do, she wanted to cry. What did I do or not do to deserve this. 

Doug shrugged. "She thought I was special." 

"Special?" 

"She thought I was smart and important and she looked up to me." 

"I'm your wife, Doug. You don't think that I think you're special?" 

He shook his head negatively. "I know you've done your best but I'm not completely stupid. I knew you weren't head over heels in love with me when you married me. I know I caught you at a vulnerable time and that what you really wanted was a father for Annie so that you didn't have to feel like a burden to your parents anymore. I used that to my advantage because I WAS head over heels in love with you and I wanted you to be my wife." 

"Was? Was head over heels?" 

"I still love you, Liz. But you have no idea how hard it is to be married to you. You're so, so– competent." 

"You've got to be kidding me. Being competent is NOT a bad thing." 

"How the hell am I suppose to measure up? I made it through New Hampshire College by the skin of my teeth. You graduated _summa cum laude_ with an Ivy League degree from Dartmouth. Your father won a Nobel Prize. Your mother is a Harvard educated surgeon. Your sisters are _summa_ Stanford and Johns Hopkins and _summa_ Georgetown. You ran your father's New Hampshire campaign for President when you were only twenty-four years old with a six year old child on your hip, for Christ's sake." 

"It was hardly a coup for me," she snorted. "As if my dad was going to lose New Hampshire." 

"That's not the point. He trusted you and you gained everyone's respect. You were the golden girl. Do you know how many people used to ask me when you were going to run for office yourself? I was just the oaf at your side. They didn't like me. They wondered what the hell you were doing with a guy like me. You think I don't know that?" 

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed trying to figure out if Doug was playing her or not. He could go from total arrogance to "poor me" in a heartbeat depending on what kind of reaction he wanted from her. "You could have helped yourself by not throwing your weight around. People don't like that. You put them off." 

"The point is, with Astrid I didn't have to try to measure up to any expectations. I didn't have to be a Rhodes scholar or have an Ivy League degree. I didn't have to worry about not being good enough for her or about being a failure because I couldn't father a child. I didn't have to worry about her being smarter than I am or more competent. I didn't have to feel about two inches high the way I do now when I talk to people about running my OWN campaign only to hear 'Let's run it by, Liz.' ,'What does Liz think?', 'What does the President think?', 'Well, if Liz and President Bartlet are behind this...' Jesus, it never ends. I'm tired of being Mr. Elizabeth Bartlet." 

It hit Elizabeth then squarely in the face. Her husband was a weak man and everyone could see that. He was also a hypocrite. 

"You can't have it both ways, Doug. Being Mr. Elizabeth Bartlet suits you just fine when it gets you in a closed door or pockets you a big donation. If you want to be Doug Westin be Doug Westin. Don't keep playing both sides of the fence." 

"Are you telling me you're going to divorce me?" 

"I thought about it, Doug. I thought about it long and hard and if we didn't have any children, I probably would have already been to see Pat. But, we do have children and I have to think about them. Going through a divorce is tough enough for any child but going through it as the children of the President's daughter would be horrific. If I ask for a divorce, it's going to be tabloid fodder for a very long time. I can't put Annie and Gus through that." 

He smiled with relief. "Then we can put this behind us?" 

"I'm not sure I can ever put this behind us. I'm not sure I can ever look at you the same way again." 

"So what ARE you saying?" 

"I'm saying that I'm not running to Pat. I'm willing to give it another try, but there needs to be some effort on your part as well. You want to know why I stopped teaching when you said you wanted to run for Congress? It wasn't because you thought it would look better or that it would be easier for us. It was because I saw how hard it was for my mother to be working and taking care of three kids while my dad was in Congress and I damn well knew that YOU wouldn't put the effort into it that my father did. You wouldn't be willing to do whatever it took to make it work. Hell, you couldn't even be bothered to drive a couple hours to visit us in Maine. Of course now I know that's because you were back here boffing your starry eyed little slut in our bed." Elizabeth's eyes welled with tears at the vision those words brought to mind. 

"Liz, I'm sorry." Doug reached for hand. Elizabeth flinched at his touch. 

"There can't be anymore women, Doug. I won't stand by while you continually screw around on me." 

"I won't, Liz, I swear." 

"And we're going to marriage counseling." 

"I don't have time for that. I'm working and I'll be announcing my candidacy after the first of the year." 

"Well, you better find the time. This is a deal breaker. I might be doing this for the children but I don't want to be miserable for the next decade and half either. If there's something in this marriage we can salvage, I'd like to give it a chance. I don't want to just co-exist, that isn't good for the children either. So, counseling or divorce, take your pick." 

Doug was silent for a moment in a test of wills, but Elizabeth was truly a product of Jed and Abbey Bartlet's union – the steely resolve in her beautiful blue eyes unyielding. There would be no giving in on her part. 

"I'll go to counseling." 

**** 

"Mommy, can we go now?" Nicholas shoved his plate of French toast away, clearly ready to be on his way." 

"What do you say?" 

"May I be 'scused?" 

"Yes, you may be excused. But we aren't leaving yet. Don't you think you might want to get dressed before you head out to school." 

Nicholas looked down at his pajamas and giggled. "Yes." 

"I thought so." 

"Nicky's silly," Aislinn shook her head at her brother who grinned back at her broadly. 

"Well, if you're both finished eating, what comes next?" 

"We gotta feed the doggies and Oliber." 

"That's right." Trying to instill responsibility in children who had chefs and maids and bodyguards was not easy but Abbey and Jed tried their best. The children were expected to treat the people who served them with respect, to pick up their toys, throw their clothes in their hampers and to feed their pets – with a little help from Mom, of course. Abbey filled Max's bowl while Nicholas worked on Panda's, carefully counting his scoops knowing just how much the dog was supposed to be fed. Aislinn's responsibility was the cat. To that end she pulled her chair up to the counter while Oliver meowed and wound his way around her ankles eager for his breakfast. The cat had to be fed on the counter so the dogs wouldn't eat his food. She climbed up onto the chair and under her father's watchful eye, she poured kitty kibble in Oliver's bowl. 

"Oopsie." She looked up quickly at Jed as the kibble overflowed Oliver's bowl. "Sorry, Daddy. I spilled." 

Jed simply stepped forward and brushed the dry cat food off the counter into his hand. Moments like these in his own childhood would have earned him perhaps a cuff to the head if his mother wasn't around, or at the very least a derogatory comment about his capabilities, something he had never done to his own children. When you asked a three year old to help, you had to be prepared for mishaps and he and Abbey had always been of the mindset that their children would not learn without "doing" and doing often meant mistakes and failures on the way to accomplishment. He never wanted his own children to have the kind of knot that he'd often had in his stomach as a young boy when attempting a new task in front of his father knowing that mistakes and failures were not an option. 

Once the children were cleaned up and dressed, extra clothes and underwear packed in their backpacks in case of any accidents and personal first day of pre-school pictures taken, there was one last stop for feeding and watering. In a sun dappled corner of the Rose Garden sat the rabbit hutch, home to Sugar and Spice, the two angora bunnies the Washington Zoo had given to Aislinn and Nicholas as gifts last Easter. Used to cuddling and playing with them at feeding time, they were a little upset that it wasn't going to be allowed before school. 

"You can pet them but you aren't going to hold them. You'll get all dirty," Abbey told them when they started to beg her to take them out of the hutch. "When you come home from school you can play with them." 

Their protests were thwarted with CJ's arrival. "So, I hear today's the big day." She smiled at the children holding her manila folders to her chest. 

"Hi, Auntie Ceej. We're going to school today." 

"I can see that. You both look very grown up." 

"Are the camera people here?" Aislinn asked. Her parents had warned them at breakfast that the camera people would be taking their pictures when they left for school so they wouldn't be surprised or frightened. 

"Yup, they're here all right." 

Abbey looked at her watch. "Then I guess it's time to go." 

"Time to go!" The kids raced off ahead of their parents. 

CJ shook her head. "Where does the time go? Seems like just yesterday they were spitting up on the President's suitcoat and sucking on my finger in church." 

Jed turned to CJ with a look of horror and began running his hand in chopping motion across his neck to cut her off. 

Puzzled, CJ frowned. "What did I say?" But then her gaze moved to Abbey's face seeing her welling eyes and she understood. 

"Mama is having a little troubling letting the chicklings out of the nest," Jed said. 

"Oh, I am not." Abbey wiped at her eyes with irritation. "I'm just a little sentimental." 

Jed watched Nicholas take Aislinn's hand as they re-entered the house and felt his own heartstrings tug. He was feeling a little sentimental himself. 

A few minutes later they stood outside on the South Portico, the two children with their parents flanking them, holding their hands. Aislinn wore her khaki skort and butterfly T-shirt with purple sneakers and little white bobby socks. Her pretty flaxen curls now reached her shoulders and was held back from her face by purple butterfly hair clips. Standing beside her squinting into the sun, Nicholas had on navy blue shorts with a white T-shirt that had a Maine windjammer sailboat on the front and a pair of Nike sneakers. His hair, the same fair shade of his sister's was straight rather than curly and had been trimmed neatly for the start of school. The children might be twins and they might look very, very much alike, but it was evident that they each had distinct personalities and were allowed to explore their differences instead of always being lumped together as "the twins". Mrs. Bartlet had rarely dressed them alike or color coordinated their outfits and the press had been told that the children quite often picked out their own clothing resulting in some humorous mismatches. 

The press contingent was huge but it was restrained from getting too close. The family smiled, posing for the formal shots and then Abbey and Jed began helping the children down the stairs, leading them toward the awaiting SUV. That was when the fun began for the photographers. This was the time for the more informal shots – Aislinn skipping along beside the First Lady singing, Nicholas breaking away from the President to make a dash for the open door of the car, the First Lady bending in to secure her young son in his car seat, Aislinn tugging at the President's pants urging him to get her into the car. Those were the pictures that gave the world a sense of what this family was like. 

The intersections at each side of Immaculate Heart of Mary Church and Pre-school had been blocked off to keep away the many onlookers that had arrived hoping to catch a glimpse of the First Family, along with any stray photographers. A stream of parents entering the building with their young children came to a halt as the smaller than normal Presidential motorcade pulled up and the President, First Lady and their two young children emerged. The kids in the schoolyard were more excited by the flashing lights than they were the people coming their way, but for the adults the excitement was tangible. The President and First Lady entered the building joining the other parents milling about outside the classrooms. 

"Sorry, about all this," Jed gestured back toward the roadblocks and barricades. He knew the parents of all these children had special identification cards they needed to carry with them to get passed the Secret Service and hoped they didn't find it all to be too much of a pain in the ass. "Being around us does tend to make life difficult at times." 

"We understand, Mr. President. We want your children safe too." 

Jed grinned and reached out a hand toward the man who had spoken. "Jed Bartlet." 

"Anthony Martoni. This is my daughter Angela. Oh, and my wife, Lita." 

Abbey smiled at Jed. Here it started. No longer Jed and Abbey, they would become Aislinn's dad or Nicholas's mom, even if they were now the President and First Lady. "Nice to meet you, Lita." She shook the woman's hand. Lita seemed a bit lost for words, as if she couldn't believe she was really shaking the First Lady's hand. 

"Hello Angela." Jed nodded toward the little girl. "This is my daughter Aislinn and my son Nicholas. Is Miss Sophie going to be your teacher?" 

The little girl nodded, all big soulful brown eyes framed by dark lashes. 

"Then you three are going to be in the same class. Isn't that nice?" 

Abbey looked down at her bashful duo. She knew it wouldn't take long for them to come out of their shells once they got used to their surroundings. "Can you say hi to Angela?" she asked them. 

"Hi Angela," Aislinn smiled shyly hiding partially behind her mother's legs. Nicholas mumbled a hello then stuck his thumb in his mouth. 

A young woman stepped into the hall from the room directly across from them. Her smile enveloped all the young children that were nervously and not so nervously loitering in the hall or entering the room. "I'm Miss Sophie and if you're in my class, come on in." 

Abbey and Jed each took a child's hand and led them through the doors. But, as they prepared to give kisses and hugs and leave the room, Aislinn saw other parents leaving and children sniffling and crying and came to the realization that her own parents were not staying either. Suddenly, she had second thoughts about the whole deal. She reached for her mother's hand clutching it tightly. 

"Mumma, don't leave," she pleaded. The confident little girl was quite suddenly not so confident. 

"Honey, I have to go. Mommies and daddies don't stay at school. It's just for kids." 

"No, Mommy, PLEASE!" She grasped Abbey's skirt in her fingers and buried her face in her thigh. Guilt ridden and, for this moment, helpless, Abbey's eyes flew to Jed silently asking for help. He knelt on the floor beside his daughter pulling her fingers from Abbey's skirt to turn her to face him. 

Wiping her tears away with his thumbs he told her, "It's okay to be nervous. Everyone is nervous on his or her first day of something new. But, you did promise Miss Sophie that you'd show her how you can write all your letters and that you even know how to read." 

Aislinn's only response was to stare at the floor. 

"Daddy, you can stay?" Jed turned to see his quiet son, tears pooling in his eyes and thumb planted firmly in his mouth as he leaned against Abbey's legs. Jed's only consolation at that moment was seeing many other parents in the same predicament. Abbey could read the look in his eyes and agreed. This royally sucked. Thankfully, the teacher angel saved them. 

"Hello Nicholas. Hello Aislinn. Do you remember me? I'm Miss Sophie. Your mommy brought you to meet me at the beginning of the summer." Sophie Jaworski, a pre-school teacher for ten years, was completely prepared for first day jitters. Her smile was bright, her manner cheerful. 

"I 'member," Nicholas said. 

"Good, good. We're going to have such a fun day today. First of all, let me show you to your very own cubbies." She took their hands and firmly, but gently, led them away from their parents to show them where they could put their backpacks. 

"It has my name," Aislinn said with a watery smile. 

"Yes, it does. You're a smart girl to recognize that. I decorated it with stickers of butterflies and horses and dogs and cats because that's what you told me you liked when you came to visit me. And Nicholas, look at yours. You have Thomas the Tank, firetrucks, dinosaurs and SpongeBob because that's what you told me that you like. Now, follow me, I have something very special to show you." She led them to a corner where a lot of children were gathered and introduced them to Nibbles the class guinea pig. Enthralled by the little animal, their parents forgotten, Sophie left them at the cage to go to the next crying child and start the weaning process all over again. 

Turning to see the teacher leave, Aislinn caught sight of her parents still standing where they had left them. She smiled happily and blew them a kiss, nudging Nicky to do the same. Abbey returned the gesture then Jed took her hand. 

"Come on, hon, they're fine. Let's go." 

Abbey nodded and they left the room, but outside the door she stopped and through blurry eyes she took one last look through the glass just to make sure. Nicholas and another boy had moved from the cage to check out the giant soft blocks that were piled in the play area and Aislinn and Angela were squatting by the guinea pig cage talking. 

"Abbey?" 

"I don't know what was worse," she sniffed, "when they were clinging to me or seeing just how easy I am to forget." 

"Abigail," Jed shook his head. 

"I know, I know. It's good that they're adjusting. I want them to make friends and have a good time and see that there is a world outside the White House. It's just..." 

"Just what?" 

"They're my last babies." Abbey's face crumpled and the tears spilled down her cheeks. 

"Oh, honey." Jed pulled her into his arms. "They're not going away to boarding school, you know. They'll be home in three hours." 

Abbey sniffed softly against his chest and pulled back from him giving him a sad little wistful smile. 

"I know. This is stupid. I'm behaving like a blithering idiot." She lifted her purse and began pawing through for a tissue. 

"Naw, not an idiot, just a mom." He took the tissue from her and began gently wiping her face. Abbey didn't have the heart to tell him to be careful as he swiped the tissue right across her eyes. Men just did not understand the delicacy in dealing with mascara and she was probably going to end up looking like a quarterback with black smudges under her eyes. "If I were a dapper gentleman like Leo, I would have a nice Egyptian cotton hankie to do this." 

"You're fine," she smiled through her tears. 

"Better?" He knew time apart wasn't really the issue here. Even if the kids were at home, she wouldn't be with them because she'd be at work. However, instead of being out here in the big scary world, they would have been safe within the confines of the White House and after the kidnapping that was something very, very comforting to her. 

"Yeah. Sorry about all that. God only knows what I'll be like when they start kindergarten." 

"I'll make sure to borrow one of Leo's hankies." 

She gave him a rueful grin. "You know it's not nice to pick on a distressed mother." 

"I know, but I can't help it. See, no matter how quickly the kids grow up, I'm always going to need you to keep me minding my manners." 

She shook her head and slipped her dark sunglasses on to cover the evidence of her tears from any prying eyes then reached out for his hand. "I'll keep that in mind." 

**** 

"You're late." The peevish tone to Leo McGarry's voice as Jed and Abbey entered the West Wing surprised them both. 

"You handing out demerits, SIR?" Jed asked flippantly. 

Abbey watched the exchange with interest. Jed wasn't kidding when he said there was tension in his relationship with Leo. 

Leo rolled his eyes. "Our 7:30 staff was moved back to 9:00 so you could take the kids to school and now it's 9:15 and we're going to be backed up all day." 

"I'm afraid that's my fault, Leo," Abbey said. "I had a bit of a moment at the school." She lifted the sunglasses and no explanations were needed. Smudges of mascara under her eyes attested to the tears she must have shed. 

Leo nodded. "It's fine. We'll just make it up at lunch." 

"No, we won't," Jed stated firmly. "I told you I was having lunch with Abbey and the kids. I want to hear about their first day and I won't be home tonight because I have to leave for New Jersey at two and God only knows what time we'll get back. I'm fifteen minutes behind so I'll cut the lunch short fifteen minutes but I'm not cutting it out completely." 

Leo's face tightened. He knew Jed wasn't a slacker, knew that many Presidents took the entire month of August off for vacation and Jed had only taken two and a half weeks between Nantucket and Ireland, so he wasn't sure why he was so irritated with him. Yes, if he had been in Jed's shoes the Nantucket weekend would have been more than sufficient to romance his woman and recharge his batteries and he probably wouldn't have taken time off to go with the kids to their first day of pre-school. But, he and Jed were cut from a different cloth. He'd always been able to accept that before, why now was it becoming so increasingly difficult. And, it wasn't just Jed; everything lately was irritating him – Josh, Amy, Mallory and her elopement. He rubbed his hand across the tightness in his chest. 

They reached the Oval and paused. Abbey leaned in to kiss Jed's cheek before departing for the East Wing. "I'll bring the kids over here for lunch. Maybe we can go down to the Mess. They love that." 

Jed nodded, "Will do," 

Had Abbey turned at that moment and seen Leo pale and winded leaning against the doorway after a simple brisk walk down the hall, the doctor in her might have noticed that there was a lot more than tension going on there. 

**** 

"Mr. President, your twelve o'clock is here." Debbie 's announcement was formal with tongue firmly in cheek. 

"Okay," Jed braced himself against his desk. "Let em' in." He could hear them giggling outside the door and couldn't help grinning. The twins loved to play formal visitors. 

"Miss Aislinn, Master Nicholas, the President will see you now." Debbie stepped aside and the two children ran into the room laughing. 

"Daddy, Daddy, lookit what we made!" 

"They're puppets." 

"Lion puppets!" 

"'Cause we read _The Lion and the Thorn_." 

They threw themselves against him thrusting hand puppets made from paper bags against his chest. 

"Well, let's see." Jed made a point of putting on his glasses for a thorough examination." 

"Mine's mean," Nicholas said with pride. 

"I see that, look at those fangs. Why is he mean?" 

"'Cause it hurts to get a thorn in the foot and he got mad." 

"Gee, I wonder where he got that from?" Abbey sat on the edge of Jed's desk with a lifted brow. He gave her glance over his glasses well aware of the expletives he let fly when he banged a shin or burned a finger. 

"I couldn't imagine." 

Abbey chuckled softly. 

"I made mine sad, Daddy. See he's cwying 'cause it hurts and he wants the boy to take out the thorn." 

"He does look very sad indeed. So, tell me, what's the moral of the story?" 

"What's a moral?" Aislinn asked. 

"It's the meaning of the story. What does the story mean? What is it telling us?" 

"Miss Sophie says it means that if we be nice to people, they'll be nice to us." 

"Very good, that's an excellent moral. What do you think, Boo Boo," he nudged Abbey's hip. "Should I bring it in and read it to Congress?" 

"It is a valid lesson." 

"We're doodlebugs," Nicholas informed him. 

"What on earth is a doodlebug?" 

"It's us!" Nicholas giggled. "Our class is called doodlebugs. Sister Susan's class is gwasshoppers. 

"Miss Sophie is really nice," Aislinn added. "She let me and Angie color together." 

"What about you, sport? Did you make any friends?" 

Nicholas nodded. "I played Lego's with Mason." 

"Then Nicky and me did a puzzle and we all played 'duck, duck, goose'." 

"Sounds like you had a lot of fun." 

"We did." Aislinn looked at him with hopeful eyes. ""Can we go back tomorrow?" 

"Not tomorrow, you'll go back the day after tomorrow." 

"Yippee! I LOVE school, Daddy!" She threw her arms around her father. Jed's eyes met Abbey's over their daughter's head. 

"Twelve years from now when we can't drag her butt out of bed for school, she'll never believe she uttered those words." 

"Probably not. Now, who's getting hungry? Daddy doesn't have too long for lunch." 

"Me!" Aislinn, Nicholas and Jed spoke as one. 

"Then let's go eat." 

On the way to the White House Mess, Aislinn and Nicholas skipped off ahead giving Jed the opportunity to talk to Abbey privately. 

"Did you get a chance to talk to Sophie?" 

While normally it would be Izzy bring the twins to school and picking them up, today on their first day Abbey had done both. 

"Yes. She said the twins were naturally drawn to each other and that during quiet rest times, they tended to seek each other out for comfort and reassurance but that it didn't completely stop them from talking to the other kids or doing their own thing. She thinks they'll be fine in the same class." 

"That's good. I'm glad they were twins, Abbey." 

She turned to him with surprise. "Where did that come from?" 

"I think about it a lot when I watch them together. I know when we first found out there were two babies, it was a little overwhelming, and it was hard when they were infants, but these are the dividends. Life in this fishbowl is not going to be easy for them but at least they'll have each other. For the rest of their lives, they'll have each other." 

A tender smile touched Abbey's lips as she watched Nicholas grab Aislinn's hand pulling her along when she paused to dawdle. Seeing them like that made her think about the sonogram she had of the two of them all curled up together inside her and how as newborns she had lain them down in the same crib and they had inched their way together with little grunts, falling instantly asleep at contact. She thought of how they had babbled to each other as babies as if they had their own secret language and of the special sort of psychic bond that caused them to feel each other's pain and to know when the other was upset. It made sense she supposed, for they had been created at the same time and had grown together for almost nine months side by side in the small confines of her womb. An indelible bond was inevitable. 

She turned her smile to Jed. "God got it right." She squeezed his hand. 

"He usually does." 


	3. Altered Lives

  
Author's notes: I've read that Kundu is supposed to be based on the genocide that occurred in Rwanda and was ideally how the situation should have been handled but was not. Something that was later terribly regretted. Anyway, the research that I did was focused on Rwanda and many of the women's stories you will read in this chapter are based on true life accounts, with a little fiddling of course to bring in the intervention that occurred on TWW.  


* * *

"So, how's it going with Andi being in Gaza?" 

"That's why you asked me to hang out after staff?" 

"You work for me, Toby, I'm interested. It's just the kind of guy I am." 

"Yeah, well it's fine." 

"Been over to Andi's mother's to see Molly and Huck since she left?" 

Toby's eyes narrowed as he watched the President innocently shuffling papers into a folder. "Did Andi tell you to ask me about that?" 

"Yes, Toby, your ex-wife called the President of the United States and asked him to keep tabs on whether or not one of his staffers was visiting his kids." 

He shrugged. "Well, when you put it like that." 

"It was MY wife. I got the 'make sure Toby's visiting the kids' speech at breakfast this morning." 

Toby nodded. He was no expert, but it had been his experience that women stuck together on these things. His silence on the subject prodded Jed on. 

"So?" 

"So what?" 

"Do you not remember anything from being married? I have to report back with my findings." 

"No, I haven't been to see the kids. But, I will." 

Jed shook his head. "They're only little once, Toby, and this is me speaking, not Abbey. They grow up very quickly. One minute they're sitting on your knee telling you that you're the 'bestest daddy in the world' and the next minute they're dating a congressman." 

"I assume you're referring to Ellie and Sam." 

Jed cast him a wry look. "Please tell me that Zoey isn't dating a congressman." 

"Not that I'm aware of. But then you'd know more about that than me. She is living in the Residence, isn't she?" 

"Yes, she is, but Abbey let her change rooms. She's up on the third floor now. Some rubbish about needing privacy. If you ask me, you shouldn't need privacy if you aren't doing something wrong." 

"Who said I was referring to her when I mentioned privacy?" Abbey swept through the open door with Amy not far behind. 

"Really?" Jed's interest was now piqued. "Well, then, that changes things a bit. I'm all for OUR privacy." 

"I thought you might be." 

"We could move Nicholas and Aislinn up there with her and have the whole second floor to ourselves." 

"Now you're pushing it. We're not moving our three year olds a floor away from us." 

"I didn't think so," he sighed. 

"Speaking of kids," Abbey turned a pointed look Toby's way. He held his hands up to ward her off. 

"The President has already grilled me." 

"Toby, I want you to remember where we were a year ago tomorrow and what we were feeling." 

That stopped Toby in his tracks. A year ago tomorrow he had been thinking that he was going to be killed and that he would never see his children again. Never get the chance to watch them grow up. "You sure you don't have some Jewish blood in your veins? You sound like you're channeling my Bubbe." 

"You Jews don't have anything on we Catholics when it comes to guilt." 

"I'll try to get over and see the kids tonight." 

Abbey nodded. "Good, my work here is done." 

"Ron said that you set up a meeting with him this afternoon." Jed tried for nonchalance but Abbey heard the slight edge to his voice. The last time she'd met with Ron alone she'd taken the kids and left for New Hampshire. However healed over those wounds might be, she knew they were still there. 

"Yeah, you're welcome to join us if you like, but it's nothing urgent. Your daughter has informed me that she wants to be a ballerina." 

"Aislinn?" 

Abbey lifted a brow. "I think the other three are past the ballerina stage. Anyway, she wants to take dance classes with Angie and Nicholas mentioned something about karate. It's starting, Jed. Extracurricular activities here we come. Anyway, I wanted to meet with Ron about security measures and feasibility." 

"I can't make it this afternoon but when he has a report, I'd like us all to sit down and discuss it." 

"Of course." 

They were both being very careful, both aware of the difference a year made and the progress they had made. 

"Sorry, I'm late," CJ entered the office. 

Abbey turned to her. "Just the person we're waiting for. Are you ready to go and meet the women of Kundu?" 

CJ nodded, she had very much wanted to be a part of the First Lady's meeting with these courageous women. 

**** 

"Thank you so much for having us here, Mrs. Bartlet." 

"The honor is mine, please come in." Abbey stepped aside allowing the contingent of woman to enter the Red Room where she was hosting a meeting/tea with a group of women from Kundu. Desperate for help, needing more money to help the women and children that had been ravaged during the genocide, these brave women were coming forward to bring their stories straight to the American people. That evening they would personally tell their stories to a full house at the Kennedy Center, an event that was being broadcast live on _Lifetime_ and _HBO_. For the women too sick and weak from AIDS or other ailments and injuries they received during their brutalization to make the trip, famous activist actresses like Susan Sarandon, Halle Berry, Marlo Thomas, Oprah Winfrey, Olympia Dukakis, and Mary Steenburgen would read their stories to the world. Both Abbey and Jed would be in attendance and would be speaking on behalf of more aid to the region. However, at the moment, Abbey simply wanted to get a chance to speak with these women privately – to hear their stories and to find out what more was needed, what more could be done, what more SHE could do. 

One young woman upon being introduced to the First Lady couldn't stop the tears from pouring down her face. "Thank you," she cried, "Thank you so much. We know you spoke up for us – that you had the courage to condemn what was happening and to urge a response." 

Abbey shook her head. "Please, what I did didn't take courage. Courage was you and your countrywomen standing in front of those tanks trying to save your children." 

The woman's eyes moved knowingly over Abbey. One could not have been in this country for five minutes and not known that tomorrow was the anniversary of the kidnapping of the President's wife and children and that somehow the First Lady had managed to help her children escape only to be found later drugged, beaten, tortured and half naked in a closet. "You're a mother. We are mothers. It's what you do. You don't think about your own safety." 

Abbey nodded. She truly did know first hand of what this woman spoke. 

"Because of you, because of your husband, my children and I are still alive. The Arkutu soldiers destroyed almost my whole village. My neighbors lay dead in the streets. The rivers ran red with the blood of men and children. Women wandered in despair, assaulted and tortured, crying over the dead bodies of their families. We were to be next. I could hear the screams as the soldiers raided the homes around me, the shouts, and the gunfire. My own door was kicked in and they were in my home. Crazed men with blood dripping from their machetes and bloodlust in their eyes. I hid my children behind me. My husband had already been killed trying to save his parents at the other end of the village and now I knew that it was our turn to die. But, then a miracle happened. There was more shooting and shouting, but this time in English. The soldiers of the United States had arrived and unlike the U.N. soldiers that had tried to help, these soldiers were allowed to fight. They stopped the Arkutu from killing and raping. They brought the injured to hospitals. When we asked what they were doing in Kundu, fearful that they too would leave, they said their president, President Bartlet, had sent them to stop the violence and the killing. May God bless him." 

Abbey's teeth sank into her bottom lip to control her emotions, her initial horror turning ultimately to pride. Pride that Jed had stood up and said "ENOUGH". That he had told the world that the mightiest nation on earth would never, under his watch, stand idly by and turn a blind eye to genocide, no matter where it occurred or what terminology was being used. He had drawn much flak from that doctrine. Many Americans didn't even know where Kundu WAS, let alone worry about its citizenry. Yet he had stood firm knowing in his heart that every life held value whether it was stranger or countryman. Tonight she would be proud to sit at his side while these women showed the world what a difference his intervention had made in their lives and yet also what more was needed to help the women and children of Kundu. The Kundanese government was poor and simply could not deal with the ramifications of what had occurred before the United States had intervened. And, the fact that it was a male dominated government and most of the victims were women and children didn't help matters. Outside help was most definitely needed. 

**** 

Jed Bartlet, in a tuxedo, took to the stage at the Kennedy Center where he had spoken so often. "I am proud today to stand on this stage where you will meet some extraordinary women faced with challenges that no woman, wherever she lives, should ever have to face. A year and a half ago, we were told that violence had erupted in Bitanga, Kundu. Kundu? It was a small country in Africa many Americans had never heard of. We watched as the violence escalated, as nations quibbled over semantics between 'acts of genocide' and 'genocide'. We heard of mass massacres, of machete strewn bodies littering the streets and clogging the rivers, of systematic rape, of families in the countryside quickly exchanging members so they would not be faced with raping each other and instead would endure the abomination with a stranger or a neighbor. 'It's not our fight', I was told. 'They aren't our people', 'We have no interests in the area'. Interests? Interests?" Jed's eyes scanned the crowd then looked directly into the television camera before him. 

"The fact that thousands upon thousands of people were being slaughtered in a wave of ethnic cleansing was not an interest? It should have been the interest of every person on this planet. I was asked once why I was 'sending my kids across the street' and it was CJ Cregg, my press secretary who incisively answered 'Because those are somebody's kids, too.' He paused his eyes steeling, his voice soft, but the words firm. 

"'Those are somebody's kids too.' Isn't that what is meant in the Bible when we're told that we are all God's children? That we must look out for each other? Now, obviously the United States cannot become involved in every skirmish in the world. We are not the world's police, but as I said on my second inauguration, no longer will we only intervene when we have strategic interest in the area whether it be oil, landing rights or military needs. When mass crimes against humanity occur, when women are standing unarmed in front of tanks fighting for their freedom, for the lives of their families, it is our duty to collectively stand together and say 'NO. We will not allow this to happen.' Only when we consistently say 'No' – when the bullies and tyrants realize that we will not look the other way anymore, will we have a chance at defeating this kind of horror. I am proud of our men and women in the military and all they have done in Kundu. The nation is now at peace and people are working to rebuild their lives. But, for many that is not an easy task and for many it is a task that has seemed insurmountable. They need help and that is what tonight is all about – the need to heal the broken bodies and torn spirits, to help those who were devastated in the violence that occurred before intervention. I salute their bravery. I applaud their courage. Ladies and gentlemen, the women of Kundu." 

One by one the women took the stage to tell their stories. 

"The militia invaded my house. For a week they gang raped me in front of my five children. My genitals were completely mutilated. They were like animals and they never used protection. They didn't care. They all knew they were infected with AIDS and it was their way of killing me. But, I'm still here. My uterus is destroyed. I have abdominal pain and vaginal discharge but I'm strong. My children were saved when the Americans arrived; and if I had treatment for my HIV/AIDS, I could live for a long time, raise them to adulthood, but there is no treatment. I am so afraid of what will happen to my children when I'm gone." 

"The Arkutu came to the school where I was a teacher. They killed all my students with machetes, three of which were my own children. Induye children were not allowed to live for they were the future and a Kundu future was a world without Induye. They raped me – I don't know how many men, I lost count and consciousness after seven. They mutilated me. They cut off my ear – they left me for dead. But, I was not dead. I was alive. The Americans found me, took me to the Red Cross. When I was well enough, I went home. But, I was pregnant. By some miracle my husband, an Induye rebel fighter was still alive. When he saw me, heard that I'd been raped, that I was pregnant by the Arkutu, he threw me out on the street. I didn't want the child. It was only a reminder, a terrible reminder of all his father had taken from me – my children, my parents, my siblings, and my husband. After giving birth to him, I left him at the orphanage. It is better for him to be raised there than with a mother who cannot love him. I have no money, no home, no family, and no hope. As painful as sexual intercourse is for me, I have had to turn to prostitution simply to stay alive." 

"I did not keep my baby. I could not. It was my father's child. The Arkutu forced my father to have sex with me in front of my mother and my little brothers. They said they would kill me if he did not, and so he did. I was a virgin and I became pregnant. When I told my parents that I was pregnant, my father took his own life. My mother, she had not been able to bear looking at me since it had happened, could not stand to be in the same room with me. I tried to abort the child myself; I damaged my insides terribly. They had to take out my uterus. I will never be able to have children. The stain and humiliation of that rape live with me every day. They tell me I have depression. I think often of killing myself. I am 16 years old." 

On and on the stories continued – stories of heartbreak, pain, and despair. The cameras focused often on the First Couple who sat in the front row hands clasped together. Both horror and compassion emanated from the President's blue eyes while the First Lady was often moved to tears. At the end of the evening, Abbey, in a gown of the softest dove gray, took to the stage. Sliding on her rimless glasses and looking beautiful, brainy and somber she spoke. 

"Before American intervention, it is estimated that almost a quarter of a million women and girls were the victims of sexual mutilation and rape, individual rape, gang rape, familial rape, rape with sticks, guns or other objects and rape that included sexual enslavement for long periods of time. Many of the men perpetrating these acts were infected with HIV/AIDS. Estimates of infection in African armies range from a low of 40% to as high as 90%. More than half the girls raped in Kundu were under the age of fifteen, a quarter under the age of ten. Many of these girls and women were killed after the assaults and a majority of them contracted sexually transmitted diseases including HIV/AIDS while 50% of women were left with unwanted pregnancies or health problems resulting from botched or self induced abortions. Women, especially those who bore children from the rape or suffered long lasting physical injury, are still haunted by the abuse and remain traumatized, stigmatized and isolated. There has been a complete failure to provide these women with proper care, with ARV therapy for those who contracted HIV, and with the trauma counseling they so desperately need. Many of these girls and women have found themselves alone, their families either killed in the genocide or turned out of their homes by their parents or husbands who were unwilling and unable to deal with what had been done to them. As you've heard tonight, some of these women have had to relive the horror of their assaults by turning to prostitution simply to survive. Babies were born and left for dead as either sickening reminders of their mother's attacks or because of their inability to care for themselves let alone a child. Some of these mothers are as young as eleven and twelve years of age and many of these babies have been born with HIV/AIDS. 

"As long as these women are denied access to treatment for HIV/AIDS, they cannot be considered survivors. They were killed during the genocide as surely as those who have already departed were. More is needed in Kundu; the aftermath of the violence has been devastating especially to women and children. These women have a right to survive. They've EARNED the right to survive and they must not be forced to continue to pay for the crimes committed against them. We must now take our help a step further. Your generous donations will go to opening a compound, an oasis for peace that will include a clinic to help those dealing with the health issues they now face, including antiretraviral drugs to combat the ravages of HIV/AIDS. The center will also provide much needed counseling to help the women and children deal with their rapes and the loss of their families and will promote economic empowerment and legal advice to help the Kundanese women to get back up on their feet and again take control of their destiny. Last, but certainly not least, the center will provide a safe haven for those children born of rape or orphaned in the war, keeping them off the streets, keeping them from having to sell their bodies to survive and from starting another generation of Kundanese suffering from HIV/AIDS. As I told these women earlier today at the White House, the American people are a giving people, a compassionate people. It is easy to feel frustrated and impotent when faced with these heartbreaking stories but there is something you can do. Please donate to the 'Broken Bodies, Torn Spirits' fund. Your donations will directly go to helping the women you saw here on the stage tonight and the thousands of others back home in Kundu. Next year the President and I will be visiting Africa. My hope is that upon our arrival we will be taken on a tour of this new facility – this oasis of peace – and we will be able to show you what your donations accomplished. We stopped violence. Now please let's stop the suffering. Thank you." 

She left the stage to a thundering standing ovation. 

**** 

By the time Jed returned from a quick check on the children, Abbey had kicked off her shoes, laid her gown over a chair, slipped out of her pantyhose and was sitting in a comfortable chair wearing only her slip with her bare feet propped up on the hassock in front of her. Her head was thrown back and her eyes closed a bottle of Advil and a glass of Baileys on the table beside her. 

"Kids all right?" She opened her eyes then gave him a painful squint, her fingers moving to her temple and slowly rubbing. 

"Snug as a bug in a rug." He tossed his jacket aside and loosened his tie. "Headache?" 

"Doozy." 

"Doesn't surprise me." He stepped up behind her, removed her hand and took up her temple massage. 

"Mmm...that's nice," she sighed. "But what did you mean 'it doesn't surprise you'?" 

"I know tonight wasn't easy for you." 

"It wasn't easy for anyone." 

"But you in particular." 

Abbey was silent for a moment, digesting the meaning behind his words. "Yeah, me in particular. Do you realize I've never talked about it publicly?" 

"What?" 

"My own rape. We had the trial – there are records of it that have been dissected in the press. We've talked about the fact that it did happen, but I've never come out and actually talked about it like those women did today." 

"There was no need. It wasn't anybody's business. It had nothing to do with me running for office or what kind of president that I'd be." 

"No, it didn't. But, I'm the First Lady now. Betty Ford helped thousands of people by coming forward and talking honestly about her mastectomy and alcoholism. Do you know that only thirty-seven percent of all rapes were reported in the United States last year? Sixty-three percent of women who are raped don't even report it. You want to know why?" 

Jed's face tightened. "I know why. I watched what you went through when you reported yours." 

Abbey nodded. "Shame and a feeling that what happened to you is your own personal business. The fear that you will be blamed, that you will be seen as damaged goods. Even today, even in this country, there is a stigma attached to a woman who has been attacked that way. Maybe not the same way that it was in Kundu, but it's still there. How many women in this country were raped today and didn't report it because of fear and shame? And the same thing happened to me and I haven't said a word." 

"You didn't hide it, Abbey. You brought the bastard to trial and had him convicted. You didn't allow him to do what he did to you to other women. It all came out when I was running the first time and when Hughes came back into our lives after the twins were born. You didn't hide it away in shame." 

"In a way I did, Jed. I didn't deny it. I accepted that it happened to me, but I didn't want to honestly talk about it. I told myself that what happened to me and how I dealt with it was between you and me and it was nobody else's business. That it had nothing to do with your job. I never saw how talking about it might help others." 

"You want to talk about it?" 

"It's not that I WANT to talk about it. It's that I think I should. Those women tonight just blew me away. I mean on the one hand, I felt a kind of kinship with them. I understood the pain, the damage, and the humiliation, but on the other hand, what they went through was so much worse than what I experienced. I can't help but think 'there but for the grace of God go I'. I wasn't damaged so badly that sex has been painful for me for the rest of my life. I didn't become pregnant. I didn't lose my uterus – I carried three children after my rape. I didn't become infected with any venereal diseases. I wasn't given a death sentence with AIDS, and–" she turned to him placing a hand to his cheek. "I didn't lose my husband because of it. As bad as it was – the bruises, the stitches, the emotional scars – it was nothing like what they went through. And if they can talk about it, I should be able to talk about it." 

"Don't downplay what you went through, Abbey. I was there." Jed closed his eyes against the images of his wife on that day – face bruised and tear stained, clothes torn from her body, blood and semen trickling down her thighs. He swallowed convulsively to hold his emotions in check, his fingers gently stroking through her hair. 

"I know you were." She took his hand and gently kissed his fingertips. "I'm just saying that if I'm going to fight for the 'Violence Against Women Act' to get passed, I need to be honest about my own experiences. I think it will help the bill. It will certainly give it visibility. When the time is right, I'll come forward and talk about it. Not just answer questions defensively, but proactively look into a camera and say 'this horrible thing happens to women every day. It happened to me, and it needs to stop'. If I can help just one woman have the courage to come forward, or help other victims feel less ashamed then, like I said in Ireland, maybe that's what I'm supposed to do. Maybe that's why I was raped. And now," she placed her hands on the arms of the chair and started to rise. "It's time for bed." 

Jed helped her up and when she stood in front of him, so petite in her bare feet, he was overwhelmed by her strength. He cupped her face in his palms, his eyes conveying all the words, all the emotion he felt inside for her. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to tell her and yet the only words he spoke were the ones that kept playing over and over in his head. "I love you very, very, much." 

"I know." She closed her eyes accepting the soft gentle kiss to her lips, thankful – as she had been so many times throughout the years – that her husband was strong enough to not only deal with what had happened to her and to accept it, but that he had been strong enough to help HER deal with it and accept it. 

"I don't know what I would have done if you'd turned your back on me like some of those men did." 

"Well, that's something you'll never have to know. I'll never turn my back on you, Abbey." He traced his thumb over her bottom lip. "You have to believe that." 

She nodded looking into his earnest blue eyes then pressed her cheek into his chest feeling his arms wrap around her. "I do, Jed. I believe you." 


	4. Altered Lives

"A year ago today in an unprecedented act in the history of the United States First Lady, Abigail Bartlet and her two daughters, Zoey and Aislinn Bartlet, aged twenty-one and two at the time, were kidnapped by Islamic extremists in response to President Bartlet's order to assassinate Qumari defense minister Abdul Shareef after intelligence operatives found that he was the head of a terrorist group targeting the United States. Mrs. Bartlet and her daughters were at the summer Olympics in Philadelphia viewing equestrian events when..." 

"Good morning." Abbey cleared her throat and entered the Residence kitchen still in her bathrobe. Jed quickly grabbed the remote and clicked off the television. 

"It's been on the news for days," she nodded her head toward the TV then ducked into the refrigerator coming out with a carton of strawberry yogurt. After popping the top, she pulled out a box of granola, scooped out a handful and dropped it on top of her yogurt. 

"You okay?" He poured her a mug of coffee and began preparing it just the way she liked it. 

She stirred her yogurt then sat to take a bite. "It's just another day, Jed." 

Jed was silent, deciding to take her lead on things. 

"Mommy, I'm HUNGRY," Nicholas came through the door followed by Aislinn and finally Zoey. 

"I've got it." Jed stood; he'd already finished his breakfast. "How does cereal sound today?" 

"I want Cheerios with booberries!" 

"And I want Rice Kripies with umm..." Aislinn contemplated her fruit choices, then spied Zoey peeling a banana. "Banana!" 

"Okay, Nicky, you get your blueberries from the fridge, and Ash, ask Zoey for a banana." 

Sipping her coffee Abbey watched her family scrambling around the kitchen making their breakfast. 

"You're doing better with them eating the healthy cereals than you did with us," Zoey plopped down in a chair next to her mother. 

"Ssh... They've never been to a grocery store; they have no idea that things like Cocoa Puffs exist. About the closest they've gotten is your dad's Lucky Charms." 

"They are magically delicious," Jed winked back at Zoey. 

"Just wait until they start going to friends houses, then you'll be screwed." 

"What's screwed, Zoey?" Nicholas clambered up onto the seat next to his sister. 

"It means you're in trouble," Zoey looked from her mother to her father. "And now I'm in trouble because it wasn't a nice word to use, so you shouldn't use it. Don't use it, okay?" 

"It's a bad word?" Aislinn asked. 

Zoey nodded sheepishly. 

"Mommy, is Zoey gonna get a timeout?" Having been in several timeouts himself, this was of deep interest to Nicholas. The phone began to ring before Abbey could answer. 

"Saved by the bell," Zoey hopped to her feet to answer the phone. "Hello...Oh, hi Gramma." Abbey knew what the call was about; everybody was worried about how she was going to handle things today. Her face clouded over and her eyes moved back the blank screen of the TV. Jed placed a hand over hers. 

"They don't have to go to school today, you know." 

"I WANT to go to school!" Aislinn hopped up and down. 

Zoey handed the phone to Abbey. "Gram wants to talk to you." 

"Mommy, I WANT to go to school," Aislinn tugged on her robe. 

"Sssh...honey, I'm on the phone." 

"But I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL." 

"Aislinn, THAT'S ENOUGH." Jed's angry voice stopped Aislinn in her tracks and quieted the whole room. Aislinn's lip began to tremble and Abbey started to cast Jed a disapproving look but then saw the strain on his face, in his eyes. Today was not any easier on him than it was for her. Neither of them had needed a television to replay what had happened a year ago. 

"It's okay," Abbey told her, covering the receiver with her palm. "You're going to school." 

Aislinn nodded blinking back her tears and bent to pick up her doll to clutch tightly to her chest. 

"Aislinn?" Jed's voice was softer now, coaxing, and while she was upset with him, Aislinn couldn't keep from turning to look at him. "Come here, sweetheart," he opened his arms to her. 

"You yelled at me," she accused. 

"I know I did, and I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." He lifted her up onto his lap. "But, what did you do that was wrong?" 

Aislinn shrugged. 

"Aislinn? Come on, tell me what you did that was wrong." 

"She in...int...intrupted Mommy on the phone." 

Aislinn turned betrayed eyes on her brother. "Stop it, Nicky." 

"You're right, she did. But, I wasn't asking you, Nicholas, I was asking Aislinn." He looked down into Aislinn's cherubic little face, a lump filling his throat at the quick flashback he had to her last year on this day smiling, blowing him kisses, and waving good bye to him from Abbey's arms. Clearing his throat, he brought himself back to the present. "You know Mommy and I have asked you not to talk to us when we're on the phone unless it's an emergency, right?" 

Aislinn nodded. "Mommy said it's rude." 

"It is rude because Mommy is trying to talk to Grammy. When she gets off the phone, I want you to apologize to her, okay?" Aislinn's face scrunched up as if she might burst into tears, but then she saw Abbey smile at her with a little wink and knew that all would be okay. 

"I'll 'pologize," she told him. "Can I feed Oliber now?" 

"Finish your breakfast then we'll feed the pets." 

**** 

Although she would have denied it if asked, Abbey had purposely made sure that her schedule was as booked as it could be on this day. There would be no dwelling, no pausing for reflection. She brought the kids to pre-school with their agents then had a long morning meeting with the Secretary of Health and Human Services, Miriam Stanley, before picking the children up at school, having lunch with them and settling them in for naps before heading out for a 3-11 shift at the clinic. It wasn't a shift she normally took but when one of the other doctors asked for it off she had eagerly filled in. 3-11 was usually a busy shift and upon her arrival she plunged right into the work. She was going over charts and appointments with Nancy when Jerry approached. 

"Hey, Abbey, I appreciate you filling in for Barbara today. I know this is usually a tough shift for you." 

"No problem. No dinners or cocktail receptions tonight." 

He nodded. "How are you doing?" 

There it was again. Why wouldn't anyone let her forget? "I'm fine, Jerry. Please, I really don't want to talk about it." 

He nodded again this time with understanding and reached a hand out to close over hers. "Just know we're here for you if you need anything." 

"I'm really fine. But thanks. So, Nancy, what's first?" 

"Exam room 2. Male – age 74, coughing, wheezing, chest pain, possible pneumonia." 

"Well, okay," Abbey slipped her stethoscope around her neck. "Let's get started then." 

**** 

Leo stood next to Jed in the Oval watching CJ's press conference. Most questions were about the First Family and how they were handling the anniversary of the kidnapping. 

"CJ said Abbey had a lot of requests for interviews," Leo said. 

"She did." 

"She didn't want to do them." It wasn't a question. 

"I think she feels she's done enough interviews about it, Leo. She just wants to get on with her life." There was a strained quality to Jed's voice that Leo picked up on. 

"You all right?" 

"I'm fine." 

"But, you're worried?" 

"Yeah, I'm worried." 

"About the kids? About safety?" 

"Of course I'm always worried about that, but no, Abbey took them to and from school today and Zoey has extra detail." 

"You worried about Abbey?" 

Jed nodded. "She's running away from today and I'm afraid I've been helping her." 

Leo frowned. "What do you mean? She can't run away from it." 

"Can't she? Have you met my wife?" A wry look crossed Jed's face. "She doesn't want to talk about it or about how she feels even with me and so I've been shielding her. She won't turn on a television and she's crammed her schedule so full she won't have time to breathe never mind think. She even picked up an extra shift at the clinic." 

"Maybe that's her way of coping." 

"I'm just afraid that shutting it all away inside and pretending everything is okay is going to backfire on her. It did before. I just wish she'd acknowledge it." 

"You think she's going to have some kind of breakdown?" 

"I don't think I'd go that far. She's come a along way from where she was at this point last year, but I know it's affecting her. I can see it in her eyes and in the tension in her body, and I can hear it in her voice. I just hope that I'm with her if it really hits her." 

Jed couldn't help but remember those awful panic attacks she'd had last fall – attacks that had her curled up on the floor in the fetal position unable to breathe or to stop the waves of adrenaline – rushing fear that clawed and tore at her. Until the day he died, he'd never forget that wild, terrified look in her eyes as she fought desperately to cope with the flashbacks to what had been done to her and to their children while held captive. He too had been in this place the year after Rosslyn. He knew some of what she was feeling and wanted to tell her it would get better, that year after year this day would get easier until it finally really would become just another day as she insisted it was. 

**** 

"Evening, Ma'am," the agents nodded with respect as Abbey approached from the central hall to enter the west sitting room just outside the master bedroom and nursery. 

"Good evening," she responded, although 'evening' was pushing it. It was well after eleven and she was exhausted. "Everyone present and accounted for?" 

The agent smiled. "Yes, ma'am. The President is here and Zoey is upstairs." 

"Thanks." Abbey moved along straight to the nursery. The soft glow of nightlights cast shadows on the walls of the silent room. Quietly she moved forward bending to pick up a couple of the many stuffed animals Aislinn slept with, tucking them back up in bed with her. She paused for a moment watching the little girl sleeping so peacefully. She gently brushed back the gilt curls that lay tumbled over her flushed cheek and softly kissed her, totally unaware of the tears that had begun to trail down her own cheeks. Wiping at her eyes, she moved to Nicky's bed pulling up the covers he always kicked off. A swift pang to the heart created a lump in her throat as she knelt beside his bed studying his features – the little cowlick at his crown that he shared with his dad, the snub little nose and rounded cheeks, and the long eyelashes that covered what she knew were eyes of the brightest blue skies. Her beautiful, loving little boy. She had been so sure that she would never see him again, never be able to tell him she loved him again. Desperately fighting to keep her emotions in check, she lifted his small chubby hand and gently kissed it. 

"I love you, Nicholas." Her voice was little more than a whisper but it caused the boy to stir. 

"Mama," he murmured, still mostly in the land of sleep. 

"Sssh...Go back to sleep, sweetheart. I just came in to give you a kiss goodnight." 

"Night, Mama." With his eyes still closed, a sweet little smile touched his lips and he rolled onto his side snuggling back up with his old Tigger. 

A few deep breaths outside the nursery got her emotions back in check and she made her way out into the central hall heading to the stairwell to go up to the third floor and peek in on Zoey. It didn't matter that the girl was twenty-two years old; tonight Abbey needed to be sure that all her children were safe and sound. She knocked lightly on the door, her heart giving a slight jump when there was no answer. Knowing it was an irrational fear since the agents said she was here Abbey slowly opened the door to peer in. Her breath released in relief when she saw Zoey laying in bed propped up against her pillows reading a book with her iPod earplugs in her ears. Sensing the movement of the opening door, Zoey glanced up to see her, a bright smile crossing her face. The smile was infectious and Abbey returned it. Her cheerful, sunny daughter, Zoey had always been able to make her smile. She had always been such an easy child – happy, good-natured, bright, adaptable and naturally optimistic. She was her father's daughter. 

"Hey, Mom. What's up?" Zoey pulled out her earplugs and set her book aside. 

"Just checking in." Abbey hadn't planned on staying but when Zoey scooted over, she moved to stretch out beside her. Her arm slipped easily over her daughter's shoulders and Zoey snuggled up to her. She was still wearing the scrubs she wore at the clinic and Zoey inhaled deeply, flooded with memories. 

"This reminds me of when I was little and you'd get an emergency at the hospital and not come home until I was already sleeping. You'd come in my room and fiddle with my blankets and bend down to give me a kiss. You always smelled like the hospital and perfume and it always used to make me feel so safe." 

Abbey smiled and feathered her daughter's straight hair through her fingers allowing the light to shine in the bright copper tresses. "I always hated not being home to tuck you in." 

"I liked it when you were there too, but if you'd always been there, Daddy never would have gotten his chance." 

Abbey smiled; Zoey always knew how to put a positive spin things. "I suppose you're right. Your father did enjoy those nights and I know you girls did too." With the careers that she and Jed had, their girls had gotten the chance to spend far more one on one time with each of them then had they been on regular schedules. And that also meant that they both had special and unique relationships with each of their children. For Abbey with Elizabeth it had been books and the kitchen. Liz had been a voracious reader and she had also loved to cook. Many an evening had found the two of them discussing novels they were reading while Abbey taught her eldest daughter how to make a soufflé or a perfect piecrust. With Ellie it had been science and a shared sense of nurturing and the desire to heal. Abbey had bonded with her middle daughter while taking care of sick and wounded animals on the farm and pouring over biology textbooks. With Zoey the comraderie had come through physical activity namely horseback riding and hiking. Zoey shared with her a true love for nature that had been passed on to Abbey from her own father and grandfather. While the other girls had enjoyed their hikes, it was Zoey who soaked up her lessons in how to track wild animals, which plants were edible and which were poisonous and how to tell direction by the sun and the stars. 

"Mom, are you okay? You're awfully quiet." 

Abbey was still silent, plunged momentarily back a year ago when she had held her daughter in much the same manner, only then Zoey had smelled of sweat and fear, not sweetness and apple blossoms the way she did now. "Yeah, I'm okay." 

"I'm okay. I was busy at school, then I had supper with Dad and the twins and spent my evening doing research on my computer trying to ignore all the headline news banners and polls. I'm just glad that today is over. Do you think they'll ever let us forget it?" 

Abbey smiled tenderly running a finger over Zoey's cheek. "Honey, WE'RE never going to forget it. But yes, it won't take long before it will be old news to the media and this will really be just another day." 

**** 

Just another day, Abbey thought as she made her way to her bedroom. It had been easy to pretend that it was just that throughout her busy day. It was only now in the darkened silence of her home that she felt her anxiety rise. Exhausted physically and emotionally, she sighed when she noticed the light was still on in her bedroom. The last thing she wanted to do was to talk things out with Jed. She wanted to crawl into bed and slip into oblivion – forgetting this day once and for all. She quietly entered the room, her anxiety giving way to a wave of tenderness. Jed was stretched out on their bed in boxers and a T-shirt. A book lay open across his chest, his glasses were slightly askew on his nose and he was snoring softly. Her chest tightened knowing that he had been waiting up for her. Gently, she removed his glasses and set them on the nightstand beside the bed. He stirred, coming partially awake when she removed the book from his fingers. 

"Abbey?" 

"I'm home." She bent and kissed his forehead, one hand rubbing the crisp hair on his thigh. 

"Mmmm..." His blue eyes opened blinking sleepily. "You okay?" 

"I'm fine." She pulled the covers up over him. "Go back to sleep." 

He nodded. "'Kay. Love you." 

"Love you too." Tears stung her eyes as she made her way to the bedroom to begin her nightly ablutions. As much as she tried to pretend otherwise, this had been an emotional day. 

**** 

"Mmmm...no...no...stop...nooooo..." The low moans worked their way through his deep sleep to awaken Jed with a sense of disorientation. Blinking in the dark, he felt Abbey squirming beside him, twisting against the sheets with low moans in the throes of a nightmare. Quickly he turned on the bedside lamp then turned to her. 

"Abbey, Abbey, honey, wake up." He rubbed her shoulder, his heart aching at the sight of her tear-stained face. He knew that at times the hands from the past still reached for her in the dark, that they still touched her where they had no right to touch, that they hurt her. But, the difference was that now he was here and his own hands could ease her fears. 

"No...stop..." She shrunk away from him curling up in protection. 

"Sweetheart, wake up. It's me. It's Jed. Come on, Abbey." He squeezed her shoulder a little more tightly and she came awake with a start. 

"Jed!" 

"Sssh." He pulled her into his arms. "It's me. I'm right here, sweetheart." 

"Jed...Jed..." she whimpered in relief against his chest. 

"I know, I know, baby. I'll take care of you, I'm right here." One hand stroked her hair while the other soothed her back. 

Abbey clung to him in a way that was so different from the strain that had existed between them after her rescue. Instead of pushing him away, this time she burrowed herself into him accepting his strength and comfort. After a few moments she pulled away looking up at him with wet eyes. "I'm sorry." 

"What on earth are you sorry about?" He ran a thumb under her eyes wiping away the tears. 

"I didn't think it would happen. I mean, the children are safe and healthy and happy. You're safe. I'm safe. We've dealt with the scars and the memories. I thought I was finished with all this." 

"For pete's sake, Abbey, you're human. Of course today was going to affect you." 

"I didn't want it to." 

He smiled sadly. "I know. But as you tell me so often, we can't always control things the way we want." 

"You like throwing my own words back at me, don't you?" 

"Whenever I can. You okay now?" 

She nodded. "Just hold me. Please." 

"With pleasure, ma'am." Jed spooned her from behind lifting his knee over her thigh while his big warm hand gently circled over her abdomen in a soothing comforting manner. His breath was warm against the back of her neck. Abbey felt her muscles begin to relax, felt her body sliding back into oblivion. 

"How do you feel now?" he asked. 

"Safe," she murmured sleepily. "I feel safe." 

**** 

The next morning Jed found Abbey standing over the toilet with her brown prescription bottle of Xanax. He frowned with puzzlement. 

"What are you doing?" he asked. She glanced up. 

"I don't think I need these anymore." 

"Really?" 

"Really. Want to help me get rid of them?" 

"Sure." He stepped up next to her and together they dumped the bottle of anti-anxiety medication into the toilet and flushed the artificial means of comfort away for good. Both were very aware as they watched the pills circle the bowl and disappear of the full circle, that they too had finally made it – ending a year of pain and struggle and reaffirmation and growth to find themselves, quite happily, stronger and more resilient than ever. 


	5. Altered Lives

Jed and Charlie entered the Oval from the portico. Leo and Nancy McNally's new assistant, Kate Harper, were already there waiting. All Jed had been told was that there had been an explosion in Gaza involving the American CODEL but no details had been forthcoming. 

"Mr. President..." Leo acknowledged his arrival. It was Kate who plunged right in. 

"Three dead, so far. Congressmen Desantos and Korb... " 

"Oh, God..." 

"And we just got word..." Leo hesitated for a slight moment knowing this would hit Jed hard. "Admiral Fitzwallace." 

"There are others injured," Kate continued on unaware that Jed Bartlet was still stuck on 'Admiral Fitzwallace'. "They've been taken to area hospitals." 

"Sir, I'll get the phone numbers of the Congressmen's families." Charlie knew Jed would be right on making the condolence calls and he and Kate withdrew from the office leaving Jed and Leo alone. Jed was still for the moment focused on one thing. 

"I asked Fitz to go." 

**** 

"So, you really threw the pills away?" 

"Every last one of them." Abbey tucked the last of her folders into her soft leather briefcase and glanced up at Millie. The two of them, along with members of their staff, were in Chicago to speak at a conference being held by the Child Welfare League of America and to attend meetings with advocacy groups to gain input for what would ultimately be the newly named "Violence Against Women and Children Act". 

"Good for you. You sure you aren't going to need them?" 

"The last time I took one was when I thought Jed might have been exposed to a plague. How many times do you think that is going to happen?" Her sarcasm was tempered as she quickly crossed herself and added, "Don't answer that. What I'm trying to say is that they've become a crutch. I've been hanging onto them 'just in case', but the other night showed me something that I think I suspected all along." She paused to sip from her bottle of water. 

"Well, don't keep me in suspense," Millie prodded. 

Abbey shook her head. Millie never did have any patience. "What I suspected was that my panic attacks were exacerbated by Jed not being there." 

"You've lost me. What do you mean?" 

"I've had horrible nightmares before. I've had flashbacks. They happened quite frequently for months after Marcus Hughes raped me and they happened after Jed was shot and almost killed. But, every time I had one, Jed was right there to hold me and calm me down. And, just knowing he was in bed next to me, feeling his arm over my hip or his foot against my leg was such a comfort. He's always been my rock and he's always made me feel safe. After the kidnapping I didn't have that. I was completely isolated except for the kids." She held her hand up warding off Millie's protests. "I know, I know. I was isolated because that's the way I said I wanted it. I didn't want everyone seeing me falling apart. But now I can see that I was really floundering without having that rock. When I had those nightmares and those flashbacks, they were bad but when the panic really hit me, when I just couldn't get on top of it and gain control it, was when I reached for Jed and he wasn't there. And not just that he wasn't there because he was at work or at a fundraiser; it was because I had pushed him away and that made me panic even more. To think that I might have pushed him too far. I was angry with him and I was hurt, but under it all I really wanted him to just hold me and tell me it was going to be okay." 

"That makes sense. I mean Jed's been the person you've turned to since you were nineteen years old. It had to be scary to lose that even if you did have only yourself to blame." 

Abbey smiled wryly. "You had to throw that in, didn't you?" 

"Of course, you know can't get away with jack with me." 

She nodded. That was one of the many reasons she loved Millie. There was no bullshit with her oldest friend, no distinction between First Lady and Abbey. "It was scary and it was terribly sad for me. I have to admit that I was pretty lost there for a while. I mean who do you turn to when it's your best friend that's let you down and you can't turn to him the way you always have your whole life together?" 

Millie grinned. "You turn to your other best friends." 

"And I did. You helped me so much with your support and the prescription. Those pills were a godsend at the time. You kept me from feeling like I was losing my mind." 

"But it wasn't the same." 

"No," Abbey sighed. "It wasn't." 

"The love and comfort of a man, of a husband, is different. How well I know that." 

"Yes, it is. And, now I have that back." 

"Good, that's the way it should be. You and Jed have always belonged together." 

"For better or worse, baby." Abbey and Millie were laughing when a somber Amy approached them before they reached the conference room. 

"Abbey, there's something you need to see." The panic that leapt to Abbey's eyes caused Amy to continue on quickly. "It's not the President or your children. It's the Middle East." A momentary sag of relief caused Abbey to visibly shrink but within seconds she had squared her shoulders to step into a room with a television where all eyes were glued to the "Breaking News". She watched with horror as footage of a car bombing in Gaza was shown and the killing of U.S. Congressmen reported, but it was when Admiral Percy Fitzwallace's name was listed as one of the men killed that she gave a soft gasp. 

"Oh, no." She closed her eyes and gripped Millie's arm feeling the tears welling beneath her lids. In spite of some initial misgivings on both their parts, Jed and Fitz had become very good friends and truly respected one another. Fitz and his wife Gail had been frequent visitors to dinner parties she and Jed had thrown at the White House. Gail, oh, God, Gail. What must she be going through right now? What must Jed be going through right now? 

"He asked him to go," Abbey said softly. 

"What?" Millie asked. 

"Jed asked Fitz to go. He was retired. He was done with his service. But, Jed trusted him. He asked him to go." She more than anyone knew what this was going to do to her husband – the guilt that would tear him apart as it had when Delores Landingham had returned to the White House at his bequest and been killed by a drunk driver. "Amy, tell them I'm going to be late for the meeting. I have to call the President." 

"They'll understand, ma'am. I'm sorry about Admiral Fitzwallace. I know he was your friend." 

Abbey nodded swallowing tightly. "A very dear friend." 

**** 

"Well, the thoughts and prayers of a grateful nation are with you and your family at this time...Not at all, Mrs. Korb. Goodbye." After spending much of his afternoon in the situation room, Jed was just finishing what he considered one of the most difficult parts of being the president. Calling family members to offer condolences for the lives of U.S. citizens – either the victims of terrorist acts or killed in the service of the country. He often wondered if it made a difference. Would it have made a difference to him if it had been his wife or child? Would it have made a difference to Abbey if he'd been killed at Rosslyn and she'd gotten a call from John Hoynes? He hung up the phone, rubbed his eyes, and glanced up at Charlie who was hovering about. 

"Charlie, when your mother was killed, you got one of these calls." 

"Yes, sir. Her captain." 

"It make you feel any better?" 

"Not really, sir. Nothing makes you feel better." Jed nodded – just as he suspected. "But it did make me feel proud." Jed nodded again feeling a little better about the phone calls. There was, however, one person who would not receive his phone call. Gail Fitzwallace was a personal friend and she deserved more than just a call. He would be visiting her in person. But before he did so he had a quick meeting with Kate Harper. Nancy's new assistant had piqued his interest in the Situation Room by not backing down to the war hawks calling for him to attack someone, anyone, even when he didn't know who was responsible for the bombing. Kate was the only one speaking on the side of moderation and the fact that she was new did not temper her opinions. And yet, he didn't know the woman well, didn't have a feel for her the way that he did Nancy and he wanted to rectify that if he was going to be listening to her advice and weighing it against some of his most trusted advisors. After getting her history and background and her connection to Admiral Fitzwallace, he brought his dilemma to the forefront. 

"The Mid-East reminds me of that joke about the optimist and the pessimist. The pessimist says, 'Everything is terrible. It can't get any worse.' The optimist says 'Oh, yes it can.'" 

"It can get easy to forget that there's a silent majority on both sides who just want to live their lives," Kate reminded him. 

"Unfortunately, you spend all your time focusing on what's drowning them out: the invective and bomb blasts." 

"Isn't our ultimate moral responsibility to them?" 

"It's quicksand. An ego-trip." 

"Sir?" 

"Chasing that Nobel Peace Prize right down the same sinkhole." 

"After fifty years of strife and futility, there's no dishonor in failure. The only dishonor might be not to try." 

Jed paused for a moment glancing at his watch knowing he had to leave. "Come take a ride." He liked the way this woman's mind worked. What she had just said to him could have come from his own mouth and had so many times in the past. While his first inclination had also been to avenge Fitz's death, to punish those who dared kill and maim Americans, he knew that he needed to have a clear head, to have all viewpoints and scenarios brought to him before he could make a final decision. Chances were he would probably still bomb, but not before he had a lot more information. Kate Harper was offering a completely different view of things than his other advisors and he was a man who liked to hear all sides to an issue, who perversely loved to play devil's advocate just to wrap his mind around an issue and who kept Toby Ziegler on staff despite all kinds of insubordination, because the man not only felt free to express the minority opinion, but forced him to listen to it as well, knowing that more often than not the minority opinion was where Jed's own heart lay. 

**** 

"Mommy, you skipped a page." Nicholas placed his hand over the page Abbey was trying to read and looked up at her with a frown. Abbey brushed her fingers across the fringe of hair at his forehead. It had been a while since she'd been able to fool the kids with that move. 

"Sorry." She allowed Nicholas to flip the page back to where she had been and continued on. The truth of the matter was that her heart was not in reading bedtime stories tonight. Though she sat on the giant bean bag chair with a child under each arm, her blouse pulled out from her skirt and her panty hose covered toes buried in Panda's warm fur as she always did for story time, her mind was a million miles away from "Neverland" and she had already been chastised for not doing Tinkerbelle's high pitched voice or the gruff Captain Hook. Her lackluster performance was probably why the children did not argue forcefully for one more story, as they usually did, when _Peter Pan_ was finished. Instead, Abbey got them their last sips of water, listened to their prayers, and tucked them in with kisses. When they were finally settled, she left the nursery and went to her bedroom to change into a pair of silky lounging pajamas. With skipping dinner, she had been able to make it home in time for the twins bedtime but not in time to have gone with Jed to Gail's. Now she was hungry. She made her way to the kitchen with Max plodding faithfully behind her. 

"Are you hungry too?" she asked the big shepherd. Max sat dutifully, his tail thumping against the kitchen floor. His intelligent eyes grew bright with excitement as he watched Abbey dig into the treat jar for a homemade doggie cookie that the White House chefs made for him and Panda. Eyeing the patient dog, Abbey smiled at him. "You have such beautiful manners." She ran her hand over his head and gave him an affectionate scratch behind the ears. "Not that I can take credit for that of course." 

Max had been a Secret Service dog and had become a protective agent for Abbey while the man who had raped her many years before was stalking her. When he had been shot in the act of trying to protect her and the children, both she and Jed had vowed that the doggie would have a loving home with them forever and retired him from duty. Max, however, didn't really know that he was retired and was still very protective of his family and very patient and tolerant with the twins. 

Abbey held the cookie out to the dog. He took it from her gently then eagerly crawled under the kitchen table to munch on it safely, in spite of the fact that the children and Panda were safely tucked in bed. With Max now content, Abbey made herself half a turkey sandwich on whole grain bread and ate it at the kitchen table with a tall glass of cold milk while watching Jed on television speaking to the nation from the Oval Office. After finishing her sandwich and watching him sign off, she made a couple of cappuccinos hoping that he would be up soon then made her way back to the bedroom. Grabbing her book and her glasses from her nightstand, she stretched out on the couch and began to read. She was only a couple pages into the Janwillem Van De Wetering mystery when Jed entered. She immediately dropped the book and sat up, taking her glasses off and letting them fall on their chain against her breasts. He looked haggard and exhausted already tugging at his tie to loosen it. 

"I'm sorry I didn't make it back in time to go with you to Gail's." 

He brushed off her apology. "It's okay. She said you phoned. It meant a lot to her." 

Abbey's eyes filled with unexpected tears. "How is she?" 

"As best as she can be, I guess. Andi's okay. She wasn't in the car that blew up." 

"I know." 

"Donna was injured. She's in the hospital." 

"I know." Abbey swung her legs over the side of the couch and got to her feet. She didn't like the flat tone to Jed's voice; she knew exactly what he was thinking. Approaching him, she slowly wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his chest. 

"You can't blame yourself for this, Jed." 

"I asked Fitz to go. He was retired. He went for me." 

"He went for his country because his Commander-in-Chief asked him to. Nobody goes to the Middle East without recognizing the danger they might be in. He knew the risks." 

Jed nodded and rested his chin on top of her head as the sting of tears burned his eyes. Until now he had not been allowed to grieve. He'd been forced to make decisions, had to be strong for the country and for the widow; but now with his own wife he would grieve for his friend. "Fitz was a good man, an honorable American. He helped me with my distrust of the military and he helped with their distrust of me. I want to avenge his death, Abbey. With every fiber of my being, I want them to pay for what they've done." 

Abbey pulled back and took his hand to lead him to the couch where they sat side by side. Without a word, she handed Jed the mug of cappuccino she'd made for him. "Do you have an attack planned?" 

He shook his head negatively while he sipped the warm drink. "We don't know who did it or why they did it or what they were thinking. We don't know much of anything right now. Any bombing that I ordered would just as easily kill innocent people as catch the people behind this. I did come down hard on Farad but I'm not sure how far that will go given his past actions. I swear to God, Abbey, if I find out that he knew about this or is behind it I'll have his fucking headquarters blown to bits." 

"I know, baby." Abbey stroked his arm knowing he needed to let off some steam. 

"Leo's ready to attack." 

"But you just said you don't know who's behind this." 

"Doesn't matter. Not to him and not to half the people in my Situation Room. Any response is better than no response." 

"But that's ludicrous. You'll only escalate the problem if you kill innocent people." 

"I'm not sure how innocent the members of Hamas or Hezbollah or any of the terrorists organizations are, but yeah, they might have been innocent of this crime." 

"And that will make it about revenge and not justice and it will only make the people in that region hate us even more. Not to mention..." she trailed off. 

"What aren't you mentioning?" 

She took his hand gazing into his handsome, tired face. These were the times that she was most torn about Jed having won the presidency. She hated that her kind, idealistic husband was forced into positions like these every day, and yet she was also proud and relieved to know that a president with his integrity and strength WAS the one making the decisions for her country. 

"Abbey, what aren't you mentioning?" 

"That it isn't you. You don't kill an innocent group of people just to show that you can. That isn't you and it shouldn't be the United States of America." 

"I may still end up bombing, Abbey. It's not like I'm completely against the idea. I just want to make damn sure that when I order bombs to be dropped on the Middle East that I KNOW we have the right guys and that I'm not going to take out a bunch of innocents with them." 

"That's the way Fitz would want it." 

"Huh?" 

"Fitz was a warrior but he didn't like war. He worked hard to prevent escalations into war. Didn't you tell me that when you first took office he was the one who had to teach you about proportionate responses?" 

"Yeah," Jed rubbed his weary eyes. "I'm still not sure I'm completely behind that theory, but you're right. He wouldn't want his death to spark an all out war. He spent our entire administration trying to figure out ways to combat terrorism and to keep it from becoming commonplace in this country. I owe it to him and to the country not to do anything rash, not to get sucked into any fervor. But it isn't easy, Abs. Not when you're so angry you want to hit something." 

"I know, babe." Abbey laid her head against his shoulder. "He was a good friend. A good man." 

Jed was silent for a long moment and when he did speak his voice was choked with emotion. "I'm going to miss him." He leaned forward, elbows on his thighs. Abbey reached out a hand to rub the back of his neck in comfort. There was nothing left to be said. The country had lost a great man today and they had lost a great friend. 


	6. Altered Lives

  
Author's notes: In case you are confused, I have Jed going to Foxboro to a Patriots football game rather than Camden Yards for baseball because in my story we are in September. BTW-Any other baseball fans think it was bizarre that they had Jed throwing out the ceremonial opening day first pitch to a baseball game on MEMORIAL DAY! The start of the baseball season is the first week of April. Anyway, I have my own plans for an opening day baseball pitch because I can't resist writing the scene with Jed practicing pitching in the Residence.  
  
Spoilers-We Killed Yamamoto, Memorial Day.  


* * *

As exhausted as he was, Jed had difficulty sleeping. He'd tossed and turned much of the night and finally as the clock approached 5:00 he gave up, threw on his bathrobe and padded out to the kitchen. Abbey found him a little after five seated at the kitchen table with the LCD screen of the TV flipped down, a mug of coffee in hand. Yawning sleepily, having born the brunt of her husband's restless night, she approached him from behind resting her hands on his shoulders and kissing the top of his head. 

"Morning." She glanced down noticing the breakfast he'd ordered up was untouched. 

"Morning." 

"You're up early." She was usually up well before her husband so she could workout before waking the twins for breakfast. 

He nodded. "Pull up a chair and watch them crucify me." 

Abbey had quickly noticed that the media had not embraced Jed's lack of angry vengeful rhetoric in last night's speech from the Oval. "Jed, they wouldn't have been happy unless you threatened to hang the guys who did it by the balls in the Rose Garden." 

"Now there's an idea," Jed couldn't help the grin that tugged at his lips at his wife's colorful retort. Abbey always did know how to make him smile. "Maybe I should hire you on as one of my speechwriters." 

"Jed," she poured herself a cup of coffee added a dash of cream and sat beside him at the table. "You aren't still going up to Foxboro tonight are you?" 

"Why wouldn't I be?" 

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that our terror alert is elevated to red." 

"Abbey, I said I'd be there at the unveiling of the Super Bowl Champs banner and I'm going to be there. We said we weren't going to let the terrorists win and I'm not going to change my schedule. Besides I promised your dad that he could sit right there with me on the fifty yard line." 

"My dad will live with the disappointment." 

"Abbey." His voice held both a warning and a plea for understanding. 

"I know, I know. You're right, of course. I just hate this." 

"You aren't kicking yourself for throwing those pills away, are you?" 

"No." She covered his hand with hers. 

He turned his hand palm up and gave hers a gentle squeeze. "I better get dressed and get downstairs." 

"Jed, you haven't eaten anything." 

"I'm not hungry." 

She knew the media reports had gotten to him. "You have to eat something. Today's going to be nuts and God only knows when you'll get lunch. You're going to need your strength." 

He glanced down with disgust at the cold toast and congealing bacon and eggs on his plate. She saw the look and grabbed the plate. 

"Go take your shower and get dressed. By the time you come back, I'll have this fixed up for you." 

"Okay," he agreed with a sigh. 

By the time he returned, Abbey had toasted a whole wheat English muffin, placing the reheated egg with melted cheese and one slice of bacon crumbled on top between the two slices forming a sandwich. She handed it to him in a napkin. 

"Better than the golden arches," she promised. 

"What's in here?" He looked down at the Notre Dame travel mug. 

"Fresh squeezed orange juice. I want you to drink every drop." 

"Yes, Mom," he grinned. She shook her head and turned from him to put the extra oranges back in the fridge. As she bent, she felt his hand on her hip and turned back around. "Seriously, Abbey, thank you." He kissed her cheek and turned to leave for the Oval Office. Abbey's arms encircled her waist as she watched him depart praying to God to give him strength and guidance to get through this difficult day. 

**** 

Jed soon found that as he had expected, it was not only the media that was after him about the lack of any promise for violent retaliation. Members of Congress, Speaker Haffley, his own Vice President and members of his staff were all trying to force the issue, trying to force a decision that he wasn't yet ready to make. 

An apartment building. They had a suspect, Khalil Nasan and he was holed up at his headquarters in an apartment complex. The situation room staff, at least most of them, wanted him to bomb the complex, after all, fifteen to fifty innocent lives were barely worth mentioning. Collateral damage. Since when had he started referring to human lives as collateral damage? 

He'd seen the look on Leo's face when he'd asked for other options – a mask of dismay, puzzlement and irritation all evident on that craggy face and in those unblinking steely eyes. He heard the frustration in Leo's voice when he had expressed interest in at least talking to Chairman Farad after Kate brought up the fact that Farad was offering to have Nasan arrested. So, he was not surprised when Leo called him on it as they walked down the hall toward the stairwell outside the Situation Room. 

"You know the Israelis have already tried this." 

"Yeah." 

"Two years ago. They identified the men behind the discotheque bombing; gave the intel to the Palestinians. The Chairman sat them in a corner, made them write 'I will not kill innocent children' twenty times and sent them home." 

"He won't treat us like the Israelis; we have the power to bring him back to the table." 

"Sir, the country wants action." There it was again the frustration, the insinuation that he was weak. 

His own frustration level rising, Jed snapped at his Chief of Staff. "I'm not saying it's Camembert and wine, Leo. I'm saying it's what we got. Tell Hutchinson to find a way to get Nasan without taking out a city block, I'll launch the damn missile myself!" He turned and stormed up the stairs still fuming. Action? The country wants action. Leo knew damn well that he wasn't just sitting around with his thumb up his ass. He was working furiously to keep two sworn enemies from killing each other long enough to be able to catch the men responsible for the murders of the Americans without taking innocent lives and stirring up a hornet's nest of hatred and revenge. If there was one thing he'd learned over his years as President, it was that every action caused a reaction and sometimes the ramifications were further reaching than anyone could have predicted. 

**** 

"We're getting creamed out there," a harried CJ told Toby as she left the pressroom. 

"Yeah." 

"CNN's running a piece tonight on the President's last-minute edits to the President's address." 

"I take it they're not praising his sensible moderation." 

"Not so much. What's happening on the Hill?" 

"They're putting the military action resolution to a vote tomorrow morning." 

"It's going to pass?" 

"I'm hoping it's not unanimous. What do you think?" 

"The whole country's waiting for the President to carpet bomb Gaza. I think it's a good sign he hasn't done it yet." 

Toby watched her depart with a moment of thoughtful surprise. If they had been talking about any other area of the globe, he might have expressed the same sentiments as CJ, might have been behind the President's sensible moderation approach. But this was not any other area of the globe. This was Israel and another suicide bomber had just blown up a bus in Jerusalem. Never did he feel more Jewish than he did when hearing about the violent senseless deaths of Jews in Israel and never, as an American Jew, did he feel so guilty. Jews fought every day in Israel – for their nation, for their faith, for the right to exist in peace – and where was he? Living in a country where Jews and Muslims and Christians and Atheists lived and worked side by side. Where someone like Josh could even forget at times that he WAS Jewish. Sure he'd had to fight bigotry, but fighting to be allowed to join a country club was a hell of a lot different than standing firm against the whole Arab world. As an American Jew, the most that he could do was to support those who were on the front lines. 

"Hey Toby." 

Toby turned to see Charlie coming down the hall with a heavy vest over his arm. "What's that?" 

"Bullet proof vest for the President to wear at the football game tonight." 

Toby nodded. It was always there. They could all talk a good game but when push came to shove, Jed Bartlet was the one that would be the target of anyone's wrath foreign or domestic. Jed Bartlet – who every day had to walk out of the White House knowing he was a bull's eye for any whacko nutcase or terrorist group carrying a grudge. The man had been shot and nearly killed and his wife and daughters had been kidnapped and tortured. How many more lives could the Bartlets have? 

**** 

Jed shook his head. The day just got better and better. The Palestinians were refusing to arrest Nasan without Chairman Farad's okay and they couldn't get that okay because the Israelis had surrounded the Chairman's headquarters and cut off his communication in retaliation for a suicide bombing in Jerusalem. It was times like these that he just wanted to smash their damn heads together. While he was sitting here doing his damndest to keep from doing what his country clamored for, they were busy killing each other and making it more and more difficult for him to even contemplate a peaceful solution. 

"Sir, Nasan's not likely to stay put. If we don't act now we will lose him," Leo said. 

Kate turned. "And if the U.S. engages in the same type of missile strikes the Israelis commonly resort to, we may need to evacuate our embassies throughout the region. We could destabilize moderate regimes in Jordan and Egypt..." 

Leo shot the woman a look. "Nasan's contributed to the murder of three senior government officials. We've reduced the collateral damage numbers substantially." 

Fifty to thirty, Jed thought with a sarcastic twist to his lips. Twenty lives were a substantial improvement? His attention turned back to Kate who was speaking. 

"We act now, it's like taking out a Super Bowl spot for every anti-American terrorist network in the Middle East." 

Secretary Hutchinson threw in his own two cents. "Failure to act, especially in the Middle East..." 

"That's appeasement." Leo interrupted. 

"Leo, this isn't 1938," Jed reminded him. "We aren't fighting fascists with armies and tanks. It's terror cells. An individual can take out a city with a briefcase of plutonium. The FA-18s, they're still in position?" 

"Yes, sir." 

"I want a full collateral damage assessment report for a daylight assault on my desk within the hour." Jed stood and left the room. 

Leo looked at his retreating back. "Thank you, sir." He then walked over to where Kate had sat back down. 

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked her. 

Kate gave him a puzzled look. "Excuse me?" 

"We don't push agendas here." 

"I don't believe I am." 

"He has a process. He likes to reflect, consider his options, but at the end of the day when it's time to make a call, he's got to stay focused." 

Kate still didn't get it. She was doing exactly what she was supposed to do. She would be remiss if she did not give the President the entire benefit of her expertise and then allow him to do with it what he would. What Leo was saying to her was that she should shut up so that the President would do what he wanted him to do. "I'm trying to give him the relevant information..." 

"This isn't the U.N.. He's not the Secretary-General. He's President of the United States, and our job is to make sure his priorities are clear. Today's priority is not world peace." 

Kate watched him turn to leave, still mentally shaking her head. Maybe Leo McGarry's priority was not world peace but she wasn't so sure that it wasn't President Bartlet's. 

**** 

"Sir..." Leo caught up with Jed out on the portico. "The FA-18 strike is a reasonable response." 

"Maybe in Yemen, Leo, but this is Gaza. The peace process, the stability of the region – we need to think long term here." 

"The peace process? The Israelis handed the Chairman the deal of the century in Taba five years ago – he started smuggling Katyusha rockets into Gaza on fishing boats. There is no long-term. The Israelis are right – there is only one way to bring stability to this region and we should be out there with them digging ditches and putting up barbed wire." 

"The fence?" 

"It's a realistic solution." 

"It's a land-grab." 

God the man could be SO damn STUBBORN. Leo felt his blood pressure rising along with his frustration. He rarely won an argument with Jed but he was determined to win this one. "There's no alternative! There is NO partner for peace." 

"And you're going to find a moderate Palestinian leader after the Israelis have swiped half the Jordan Valley? After the United States has taken out fifteen to twenty innocent civilians in Gaza." 

"We're no longer a neutral arbitrator. We've got skin in the game. And when the sun comes up in Gaza you're going to have to launch those planes." 

Jed's eyes narrowed, turned to steel. "Say's who, Leo? You?" 

Leo's gaze, just as steely, locked with Jed's. "Yes, me." 

"Well, Leo, I'm sorry to say but you AREN'T the President and those planes will launch when I tell them to launch and not a fucking moment sooner." Jed turned on his heels, the blood still rushing angrily through his veins. He'd allowed Leo McGarry to rush him into a decision once before, a decision that still haunted him. A decision that would always weigh on his soul, a decision that had nearly cost him everything that he held dear and he was damned if he wasn't going to allow himself the time to think things completely through this time. Toby Ziegler was the first person he bumped into as he re-entered the West Wing and, still fuming, Jed took him on as well. 

"I'd really like to bomb the whole damn place!" he vented. 

"Gaza?" Toby asked. 

"Gaza, the West Bank. Take out the whole fucking Arabian Peninsula while we're at it!" 

"It's what the country wants." 

"Sure. Hell, it's practically the American way. And who cares if it's exactly what those lunatics want. They push. We push back, and they've got the holy war they've been praying for with a thousand and one recruits to take the fight to the big kid on the other side of the Atlantic. It's like bad Shakespeare. And they're just waiting for me to play my role and chuck a big fat one right down the middle. We're at war with a plague of jealousy and hatred and I'm NOT going to be forced into playing that hand!" He stormed off down the hall still emanating righteous anger. 

"Wow," Toby turned to CJ who had caught the tail end of the tirade. "He's pretty pissed." 

"Yeah, and he's pretty passionate," CJ added. "And when Jed Bartlet gets passionate about something watch out. We might just get out of this situation without a war." 

**** 

Suddenly overcome with fatigue and slightly lightheaded, Leo sat in one of the easy chairs in his office rather than at his desk. Closing his eyes, he promised himself just a few minutes of shut eye to recharge his batteries. His mind wandered back six years earlier to the days right after Jed's election to the presidency. "I can't do this without you," Jed had told him. And, in the beginning that had been true. Running a small fairly rural state that consistently ranked in the top ten for education, healthcare and general livability and that had few minorities and little crime, did not give Jed the kind of exposure that the governors of larger more diversified states had. Also, as a holder of minority opinions and unafraid to speak his mind, Jed had never been a favorite of D.N.C. It had been up to him and Josh to smooth his way with that group. But where Leo knew he was most needed, where he had the expertise and Jed did not, was in military matters. Jed had gone from college to graduate school, with marriage and a baby on the way all combining with his low draft number to keep him from being sent to Vietnam as the war was winding down. Leo had not been so lucky. His number had come up right after graduation. Vietnam had given him a background in the military – a brotherhood that Jed did not share. Unfortunately, it had also given him scars that had made him emotionally distant and helped to turn him into an alcoholic and drug addict. "I can't do this without you." Well, since Jed's re-election that just wasn't the case anymore. Jed had grown in confidence and stature and had by sheer force of intellect and personality become a larger than life leader – one who was supremely sure of his ability to make informed decisions whether they were popular or not. "The trouble is," Leo mumbled to himself as he drifted off to sleep, "just where the hell does that leave me?" 

Abbey entered Leo's office surprised to find him asleep in his chair. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen Leo sleep on the job. She walked up to him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder to wake him. 

"Leo? You all right?" A frown touched her brow. Leo's skin was pasty looking and he had gray smudges under his eyes. 

"Abbey." He smiled sleepily. "What can I do for you?" 

"I came to offer up my services." She sat across from him noting the puzzled look on his face. 

"Your services?" 

"I look pretty good in a bullet-proof vest." 

"Okay." 

"And I love the Patriots as much as Jed does." 

"Toby and Josh think it's important he go out there tonight." 

Abbey really didn't care what Toby and Josh thought. She had bigger concerns. "What does Ron Butterfield think?" 

"We've had a dozen Secret Service guys at Gillette Stadium for the past two weeks disassembling the air conditioners. They'll have men in every janitor's closet, every bathroom, up on the roof. Add in the 240 security guys the stadium..." 

"Okay," Abbey sighed. She knew she wasn't going to win this battle. Her doctor's eyes narrowed slightly as she noted Leo's fatigue. "You look tired." 

Leo didn't try to deny it. He nodded his head. "It's been a long day." 

"It's been a long year. You want him to do something in Gaza." 

"Yeah." 

"Seems to me he's trying to." 

"He's tilting at windmills." 

"Tilting at windmills in the Middle East. Is there a better place for that?" 

"He's going to get burned." 

"He's a big boy now, Leo. If he gets burned, he'll take care of it." 

"You think he's right?" 

"I trust him. He has to make a decision that he can live with. That the country can live with. I told you once that my job was to help make Jed as good a president as he is a man. Well, he is, Leo," she bent to kiss his forehead before leaving. "He is. You have to trust him." 

**** 

Jed was feeling much better about the prospects for peace as new developments were brought to him in his office aboard Air Force One. Prime Minister Mukarat of Palestine was willing to open a dialogue with Israel and the United States and it was expected that the Israelis who would not speak with Farad would be willing to sit down with Mukarat. Suddenly things were going his way. So, when Leo started in on him while he slipped into his vest in the hall of the stadium he didn't have much in the way of patience. 

"You know on May 13, the day before Israeli Independence Day, the TV stations screen the name of every soldier who has fallen for the country. A name flashes on the screen for a second or two, then the next name appears. You go to bed, you get up, and the names are still flashing. It takes twenty-four hours. That's how they observe Memorial Day." 

"Yeah, and they keep firing missiles into Gaza. We start encouraging it, how long until that broadcast last 48 hours? Or 72?" Jed asked. 

"How many times have we tried negotiating?" 

"We're not negotiating with the Chairman." 

"Your priority should be the security of this country. I think you're gun-shy, sir. The most important moment of your Presidency and you're going to blow it because you're human. You're a husband and a father who almost lost his..." 

"You think this is about Abbey, Zoey and Aislinn? " Jed was incredulous for a moment, but then quickly realized that in a way it was and his tone grew more definite. "You're damn right it's about Abbey, Zoey and Aislinn – and Ellie, and Elizabeth and Nicholas and Mallory. It's about bombs in Penn Station, in Macy's, in Starbucks and," he gestured toward the field, "football games. Bombing Gaza could be the most dangerous move this country has made in two centuries." 

"Or not." 

Jed's eyes stayed focused on his old friend wondering how he could be so cavalier. It was so easy for those who would not be judged, so easy for those who did not hold the world's balance in their hands. "In seventy-five years we'll know whether we're right or wrong, but no one standing here today can tell me that with any certainty. I'm the one in the office. I'll be the one who's judged. But this isn't about how the historians will write about me. I took this job wanting to hand a better world off to our children, Leo, not destroy it." 

"Now, please welcome a proud son of New England and a proud fan of the New England Patriots, President Josiah Bartlet!" 

"Gotta go." With one last look Jed set out at a brisk pace, the roar from the football crowd deafening as he took to the field. The last glimpse Leo had of him was when he turned to the crowd waving and grinning broadly as if he didn't have a care in the world. 

**** 

It was well after midnight when Jed returned from Foxboro, Massachusetts and all the hoopla of the Super Bowl champion New England Patriots home opener. The bedroom was dark, Abbey was asleep. He saw the gentle curve of her hip under the covers. He made his way to the bathroom discarding his shirt and pants, making sure to throw them in the hamper since Abbey had a hissy fit if he just tossed them on top. He was too tired for the famed physics lecture she had perfected over the years on the ease of opening the lid of a hamper. Sometimes he shaved at night if there was the chance of a little hanky panky, but he was beat and Abbey was sleeping so he simply brushed his teeth and threw on a fresh pair of boxers. When he opened the door to go back into the bedroom, he was surprised to see the light on and Abbey sitting up against the pillows. He smiled to see her rumpled hair and the Teddy Bruschi Patriots football jersey she wore to bed. 

"Good game, huh?" 

"Always nice to win the home opener. Dad had a great time. You watch?" He took his watch off and set it on the nightstand. 

"Zoey and I watched it together. Looks like another good year." 

Jed nodded. "Looks like it," he agreed but she could see that his mind was not on the conversation. He sat on the edge of the bed staring at the wall. Abbey thought about the pallor to Leo's skin she had noticed earlier and while Jed did not look that bad, she still worried about him. She got up on her knees and began massaging the back of his neck. Lord, it was hard at times to watch him carrying the weight of the world on these broad shoulders she loved so much. 

"What aren't you telling me?" 

Jed closed his eyes enjoying the feel of her fingers digging into his knotted muscles. "I thought we had it. Mukarat was going to secretly meet with us and with the Israelis. Farad must have found out that he was being left out and he fucked us over good. Thanked us for our invitation to the summit at Camp David." 

"What summit?" 

"Exactly. Now he's coming to the summit and I don't even know if I can get the Israelis to come if he's going to be part of it. Leo thinks I'm nuts." 

"Tilting at windmills." 

"Worse. He thinks I'm gunshy. Weak and gunshy." 

"Oh, Jed, I'm sure he doesn't think you're weak. Nobody watching you battle this out could ever think that you're weak. Nobody who knows you could ever think you're weak. You have the strongest character and sense of morality of any man I've ever known." 

"Leo finds that part of me horrific." 

"What?" Stunned, Abbey stopped massaging. 

"He told me once, when he was forcing my hand on assassinating Shareef and I was dragging my feet that the most horrifying part of my liberalism is that I think there are moral absolutes." 

"Jed, you and Leo are different people. You're friends but you have very different personalities and very different personal beliefs and characters. Most of the time you both want the same thing but Leo will always believe that the end justifies the means and he can find a gray area in every situation. That isn't so easy for you." 

Jed nodded. "The village idiot comes to that conclusion before the Nobel Laureate." 

"What?" 

"That's what he said." 

"Wow, that was pretty harsh." Abbey shook her head. She didn't know much about how Leo got Jed to assassinate Shareef; it had been a touchy subject in their marriage for so long that neither of them ever brought it up. 

"He was pretty pissed. It was so cut and dried for him." 

Abbey leaned forward, nuzzled into Jed's neck. "You know, babe, people lash out most at what they consider to be their own weaknesses. That's probably what Leo was doing. He's a complicated man. I'm sure that the very things he loves most about you – your strength of character, your faith, your idealism – are the very things that he, at times, resents because he doesn't see that in himself." 

Jed's lips twisted into a rueful smile. "Saint Jed." 

"Yeah. And we both know you're not a saint." He felt her smile against the back of his neck and gave a snort of laughter. 

"Hardly." 

"But, you know what?" Her lips moved to run along the line of his shoulder. "You do try. And, I do love watching you try. Now, you know I love Leo to death and I think he's a good person and that most times his heart is in the right place. But, there are times when he can be ruthless and he just doesn't have that inner core of values that you have." 

"I don't know, Abbey. Maybe I'm supposed to be more ruthless. Maybe a man in my position is supposed to say that twenty innocent lives don't matter in the long run." 

"Do you really believe that?" 

"I believe that I HAVE to look at the long run. If I bomb, we get what? A day or two of short-term satisfaction and then perhaps years of violence and terror. I think it's too high a price to pay." 

"And Leo just thinks you're gunshy?" 

Jed nodded. Abbey's hands moved from his back around his torso to run her fingertips over the crisp hair on his chest. He felt her breasts pressed up against his back, felt her breath warm against the nape of his neck. Her voice was soft barely above a whisper. 

"Are you?" She felt his body tighten and continued to run her hands in soothing circles over his chest. 

"Maybe," he admitted. "But not in the way that Leo thinks. I mean of course I'm worried about you, the girls and Nicky and Annie and Gus. I worry about you all every day, but this is bigger than that. This is about all those kids in Ash and Nicky's pre-school not growing up in a country where people are afraid to walk the streets or to go shopping. A country where going to the mall or to the movies or to a ballgame could be life-threatening events. So, yeah, if you mean gunshy in that sense then I suppose I am." 

"Well, you know, Jed, that isn't such a bad thing. Where do you think we'd be right now if John Kennedy hadn't gotten burned in the Bay of Pigs debacle? If he hadn't been gunshy during the Cuban Missile Crisis and had listened to all his war hawk advisors who wanted him to bomb Cuba? Where would we be if he hadn't had the strength to stand firm and ask for more moderate alternatives? We might not be here at all." 

Jed turned on the bed, cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand, and gazed deeply into her lovely darkly lashed green eyes. "Why do I always feel so much better after I talk to you?" 

"Because," she kissed his palm, "I always tell it like it is whether I think you're right or wrong. And," she straddled his thighs cradling his handsome face in her hands. "I'm always on your side." 

Jed's fingers trailed over her bare thigh. "You have anything on under that jersey?" he asked. 

"Why don't you check and find out?" Her head tilted coquettishly drawing a genuine smile to his lips. His fingers moved further up her silky thighs encountering a lacy pair of panties covering her delicious rear. He made a tsk tsk noise as he slid his hands inside those panties to close over her soft little bum. 

"It will take me two seconds to get them off," she promised. 

"I didn't shave," he told her as she wiggled out of her underwear. 

"Ask me if I care." 

"Do you care?" 

She gave him a wicked smile and pushed him back against the pillows then lifted her football jersey up over her head baring her full luscious breasts and watching as his lightening blue eyes glittered with heat. She bent over him, dangling a breast before him, sighing with pleasure as his mouth closed over her nipple and began a gentle tugging that created a warmth deep in her belly that quickly became a fire. She slipped a hand inside his boxers closing her fingers around his penis, feeling the blood rush through him, filling him until he was hard and aching. 

"No." She answered as she positioned her hips over his and guided him to her entrance. 

"No what?" Lost in the pleasure of fondling, he didn't remember his question. Abbey bent forward, her damp nipples pressing into his chest, her lips against his. 

"No, I don't care that you didn't shave." And with that, she slid her hips down to encase him in her velvety depths, taking him away for just a little while from the stress and frustration of the day and filling him with unconditional love and succor and a pleasure so divine, he cried her name out to the heavens above as he came deeply within her. 

Later as they cuddled spooned together, Jed twirled a tendril of her silky copper hair around his finger. 

"Thank you, Abbey," he murmured sleepily. 

"The pleasure was all mine." She stroked the back of his hand that lay cupped over her breast. 

"Not all," he grinned. "But I meant for everything." 

"I'm here for you, Jed. I'm always here for you." 

Jed nodded. She was the one person in the world who truly knew his heart and his soul. She was his safe harbor. The one place that he was always safe and warm and loved. "I don't know what I'd do without you." 

"I'm not going anywhere, babe." 

"Good. I'm counting on that." 


	7. Altered Lives

  
Author's notes: Spoiler-The dialogue from the Situation Room scenes and Oval Office meetings was taken directly from \"NSF-Thurmont\" with a couple minor additions that moved one scene to the next.  


* * *

The limousine carrying Jed, Abbey, Leo and Kate pulled up in front of the church in Annapolis, Maryland where they would be attending Admiral Fitzwallace's funeral. The whole trip had been spent debating whether or not to have the summit that Chairman Farad had invited himself to. However, as the car stopped and Jed saw the church, his mind moved away from the summit and to the reason he was here, to give a eulogy to a great friend and patriot. He stepped out of the car then turned to help Abbey out. Her dark sunglasses were already in place shielding emotion or tears from the prying eyes of the press or other guests. Just as they were to start walking toward the church Kate stepped up beside Jed to speak privately for a moment. 

"Sir. I feel as if my council is largely responsible for this mess." 

Jed looked down at her concerned face. It struck him then just how new she was to his staff. Only a newbie would honestly believe that he could be swayed that easily by one person. "I get lots of council, Ms. Harper. What I choose to do with it is my responsibility." 

Kate nodded and watched the President and First Lady walk hand in hand up the stairs and disappear into the church. She hadn't worked for Jed Bartlet for long but her admiration for the man, for his strength and his "the buck stops here" personality grew every day. 

Sitting alone in her pew, Abbey's attention was completely focused on Jed's eulogy. He looked so at home up there at the altar commanding the attention of those present as he always did. While she was, of course, eternally grateful that he had decided the priesthood was not for him, she couldn't help but think that he would have made a very good priest indeed – at least when it came to preaching. The man certainly did have a way with words and his timing and inflection were always impeccable. Jed spoke from the heart and that always seemed to come through no matter what he was speaking about or to whom he was speaking. Today the correlation to what he and the country were going through and his chosen passage from the "Sermon on the Mount" were hard to ignore. 

" _Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God. Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice's sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven._ " He paused briefly for effect feeling the truth of the gospel deep in his heart. 

" _And blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God._ " 

Leo felt Jed's eyes burning a hole through him even though he had not sought him out personally but was instead scanning the whole congregation. The words and the emotion behind them had cut through Leo whether that had been Jed's intention or not. The man was good, he was very good. The same charisma and oratory skills that made him an excellent campaigner would have served him well had he chosen to become a priest and lead a congregation rather than a nation. But he couldn't be a priest and a president – separation of church and state was imperative and therein lay the problem. The church and its teachings were deeply imbedded in Jed's heart and psyche. He wasn't an Easter and Christmas Catholic. He went to Mass every Sunday and all the holy days, and he carried a rosary in his pocket and said the decades often. He truly believed in the commandments and the teachings of Christ. It was a part of him – the part that made it difficult to be President – where things were not so clearly black and white. He was though, in spite of his strong beliefs, a firm and vocal believer in the separation of church and state and his own religious beliefs had never stopped him from making tough decisions before, decisions that went against his own moral convictions. There were plenty of times that Jed had put the nation before his religious beliefs. Thou Shalt Not Kill. That was a biggie. Even Leo, who had wandered away from the church knew that, and yet he'd had to convince Jed to break that one. Yes, it had been for the greater good and they both knew that. But, there were still times when he watched Abbey's struggles to overcome what had been done to her, or looked into Zoey and Aislinn's lovely sea colored eyes and he still burned with guilt. And now he was asking Jed to do it again. Asking him to kill innocent people without knowing what the consequences to his actions might be. But he had to do it, of that Leo was sure. Jed had always been able to put a dividing line up between Jed the president and Jed the man and he was going to have to do so again. Blessed be the peacemakers. If only it was that easy. 

**** 

Back at the White House just as the president and First Lady were returning from the funeral Carol approached CJ. 

"Ted Harper called from _60 Minutes_ , says he's got a Congressional widow on camera demanding the President avenge her husband's death." 

"Which one?" 

"Tom Korb's. They're hoping the President will go on camera to respond." 

"And what? Defend his tie-died, hippie dippie, blowin'-in-the-wind, peacenik pipe-dream while the grieving widow rends her garments?" 

"You want me to see if I can get you a couple minutes in the Oval right away?" 

CJ knew Jed Bartlet well enough to know what his response to this would be – she could hear him saying it. "Let the woman grieve the way she needs to grieve" but she still needed to talk to him. "Yes, get me a few minutes." 

"CJ," Will Bailey strode down the hall. "You do know that the Israelis won't get in a room with Farad again. I'm surprised the Prime Minister hasn't already said so in about three different languages." 

"The President asked him not to." 

"Farad doesn't want to deal. Last time Israel offered up Gaza, 96% of the West Bank, half of Jerusalem, sovereignty over the Temple Mount, and the lead role in the Temple Bethel Koram play. He walked away." 

"What do you need, Will? " CJ's patience was wearing extremely thin. 

"The President should prepare to respond to the murder of two Congressmen. The Vice President can't support the President on this." 

"Is he planning on saying so publicly?" 

"He's speaking at the Israel Policy Forum Gala on Friday. I think it might come up." 

"He can't be convinced to come down with a nasty bout of the flu?" 

"He's a pretty healthy guy...The President knows, right? You guys are telling him?" 

"Knows what? " 

"That there is no viable alternative. He's going to have to bomb Palestinians." 

"Is that Bob Russell speaking, or you?" 

Will turned with surprise. The President was standing with the First Lady at his side and he was not amused. 

"Because the day I take foreign policy advice from Bob Russell is the day that hell will freeze over." 

"Sir." Trying to avert an argument CJ changed the subject. "We've just gotten reports that Christine Korb is going on _60 Minutes_ to demand you avenge Tom's death." 

Jed nodded. "The woman just lost her husband, CJ. Let her say what she has to say." 

"Ma'am," Will's attention turned to a somber Abbey Bartlet. "You're friendly with Alicia DeSantos, aren't you?" 

Jed felt Abbey stiffen at his side, knew that she didn't like what was going to be asked of her any more than he did. 

"Yes, we're friends." Abbey's tone was cool her face unreadable. 

"Maybe you could talk to her. Ask her..." 

"No." The firmness of the word left no room for negotiation. "We are not going to use the grief stricken widow for our political advantage. Leave Alicia DeSantos alone and let Christine Korb say whatever she has to say." 

"Yes, sir." 

CJ watched the President take the First Lady's hand and stride off down the hall with a feeling of pride swelling in her chest. There were times when he had let her down in the past, but not this time. Nope, not this time. 

**** 

Jed sat in yet another Situation Room meeting the discussion having moved from the bombing of Nasan to bombing terrorist camps in Syria and Iran. 

"The only way to prevent attacks against Americans abroad is to show we're willing to respond when provoked," Leo said. 

"Bombing Syria and Iran sends a powerful message, Mr. President," General Alexander agreed. 

"Do we have any evidence linking Iran to Nasan?" Jed asked. 

"If we take this opportunity to strike Iranian terrorist camps, believe me, sir, we'll find a way to link the attacks on our people back to them later." 

Jed couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Are you suggesting we use the attack on our Congressional delegation as a pretext to attack another country we don't know to be responsible?" 

"Sir, I'm not suggesting that, but it's clear... " 

Jed's initial incredulity turned very quickly to moral outrage. "Then what the hell are you suggesting?" 

"Mr. President." Leo tried reigning Jed in knowing that his righteous indignation was going to blind him to the act that was being discussed, but Jed ignored him. His voice harsh with disgust he addressed the room. 

"I'm NOT using Admiral Fitzwallace's death and the death of our Congressmen as a pretext to attack another country we don't happen to like." The room went silent. It didn't sound quite so good when the president put it THAT way. 

Leo leaned in toward Jed. "The Ambassador is here." 

"I want to see what we have linking Nasan to the Martyrs in Syria." He stood, as did everyone in the room. "And if you come up with any credible, verifiable evidence dragging Iran into this mess, I'll take a look at that, too." He flipped his jacket over his head in that characteristic Jed way and departed the room. Before Leo could start in on him, Jed turned on his Chief of Staff, his anger unabated. "I'm not bombing half the Middle East just because it's going to make us all feel better." 

Leo sighed with a touch of exasperation. "They're on your side." 

"Really? I was having a hard time believing that a few minutes ago." 

"Sir, you can't delay any longer. There are no rabbits left in this hat." 

Jed shook his head. "I'm not prepared to accept that." 

"You're going to have to, sir." 

"The Ambassador's waiting. " Jed ignored Leo's directive and walked off leaving him at the base of the stairs. 

Within minutes they were both in the Oval Office greeting the Israeli Ambassador. 

"Admiral Fitzwallace was a great man," she said. "All Israelis mourn his loss." 

"Thank you." 

"Israel can not agree to attend a summit with Chairman Farad while our citizens are being brutally murdered every day." 

"Whether we like it or not, Farad is in charge." 

"The United States has sought regime change in dictatorships around the world. Is Israel to be held to a higher standard?" 

"Israel was created to be a land free from oppression. Whether Israel is Palestinian, Jewish, Jordanian, or Judean, the people who live in the territories are oppressed: by their own leadership, by the neglect of Arab neighbors, and, yes, by Israel." 

Madame Galit turned to get Leo's impression on the subject and was surprised and intrigued to see the other man's head down looking at the floor rather than being engaged. There was definite dissension in the American ranks and she wasn't willing to take a chance on a summit that the Americans weren't even in agreement over. Jed noticed right away the moment that she firmly made up her mind – the moment that he lost her. It was the moment she had looked at Leo. 

"I'm sorry, Mr. President." She got to her feet. "Chairman Farad is interested in only one thing – murdering Israelis. And, apparently, he's decided it's now time to start murdering Americans as well. We won't participate in any discussions which include Chairman Farad. If you'll excuse me, sir." 

**** 

The next meeting was with Speaker Haffley and members of Congress and that wasn't going much better than the meeting with Ambassador Galit. In spite of the fact that he was against it, Leo was trying to uphold the administration's position until Jed arrived. 

"The nation's taking the announcement of these peace talks badly," Haffley informed him. "Many people believe you sent Congressmen into harm's way." 

Jed entered the room and the Congressmen stood. "Are these the same right-wing, turkey-basters that said I faked M.S. to get the sympathy vote in the last election? Nice to see everyone. Please, sit down." 

Haffley in a rude show of defiance that did not go unnoticed, ignored the President and continued to stand. "Members of Congress were killed, Mr. President. Instead of seeking justice, you're typing up name tags and inviting them to play dodgeball at Camp David." 

"You're ignoring the sacrifice these men made for their country," another Congresswomen interjected. 

"On the contrary, I'm trying to honor it." Jed wasn't sure why they all felt that bombing was a more honorable memorial to the fallen men than creating peace. It was why the Congressmen and women had been there in the first place – a fact finding mission for peace. 

"You're appeasing terrorists by rewarding them with a peace summit. Mr. President. You have to go on national television, admit your mistake, and retract those invitations. You've insulted these men and their memories. You have to put this summit back into the cereal box it came in." 

That was the end of it for Jed. If they weren't going to be able to discuss this rationally, he wasn't going to stand here and be insulted. "I didn't come here to play games." He walked around the table to the door then turned back as he reached it. "I'm trying to find a way to make peace. And when I do, you can all go on TV and explain why you're against it." 

While Speaker Haffley's eyes still burned with the dislike that he had for Jed Bartlet, many others in the room shared looks of shame. 

**** 

"Lucy, I need you to call Jerry at the clinic and let him know that he'll need to cover my shifts for the next few days." Abbey paused only briefly at her secretary's desk as she entered her office with Amy on her heels. "I'm still up in the air over the summit and I don't want to have to call him last minute." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

After returning from the funeral, Abbey had stuck around the Residence to have lunch with her children, had visited a local battered women shelter and was now back at the White House. 

"What's next, Amy?" she asked. 

"You have a meeting in fifteen minutes with Marian Wright Edelmen of the Children's Defense Fund, then a photo op in the Rose Garden with the Girl Scouts and then a meeting with the leaders of MADD." 

"And I'm done by 7:00, right?" Abbey was firm on that. If she and Jed didn't have a dinner or night engagement, she wanted to at least be home to tuck the children in if she wasn't going to be there to have supper with them. And if she did have evening engagements, she made sure to have time in the afternoon free for them. It wasn't easy for Amy to schedule her and Abbey did not give an inch – she couldn't, not with Jed's job being what it was. From the moment she had found out that she was pregnant, she had known that for the first six years of her children's life she was going to be the primary caretaker with Jed only being able to help out when he could; and she had been and still was determined not to allow the nanny to raise her children for her. 

"Yes, ma'am, you'll be out before 7:00," Amy assured her. She knew better than to mess with Abbey's schedule. 

Abbey nodded as she pilfered through her briefcase for the file she was looking for. Amy watched her thoughtfully. 

"It's really hard, isn't it?" 

"What's hard?" She looked up from the folder she had just located with a puzzled frown. 

"Trying to juggle it all. Being a mother and having a career. Making sure you're there for your kids and yet being your own person. I know I gave you a hard time before about missing some things that the administration did but that was before I saw how hard you have to work to make everything balance out, to make every minute count. I really admire you. You're a good mother and you're a good role model." 

"Well, Amy, thank you," Abbey was touched by the sentiment from the unsentimental woman. "I guess it is hard, but I really don't remember a time that I wasn't trying to balance everything." Abbey's eyes lit with interest and suspicion. "Amy, is your biological alarm clock ringing?" 

"Mine? Me? A baby? Oh, God no." 

Abbey laughed. "Don't look so appalled. Babies aren't so bad." 

"No, no, of course not. I mean, Aislinn and Nicholas are great little kids and I know you love being a mom. But, I'm just not so sure that it's for me. I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a mother." 

Abbey shrugged. "Not every woman is. But, never say never, you might meet a guy and suddenly, bam, you're dreaming of holding a baby in your arms." 

Amy snorted, shaking her head as if it could never happen. Then her eyes flickered with interest. "Is that how it happened for you?" 

"Pretty much. But I was nineteen turning twenty when I started seeing Jed Bartlet's babies in my arms. Didn't think I'd actually have one there by the time I was twenty-one." 

"Do you ever have any regrets?" 

"Regrets? About Elizabeth?" Abbey slipped her reading glasses off. "Never. Now, about that right guy." 

"Abbey," Amy groaned. "Tell me you aren't trying to set me up again." 

"As a matter of fact...His name is Kevin. He's a gynecologist and he volunteers at the clinic two days a week. Intelligent and committed and a Democrat, you know that's an irresistible combination." 

"I don't have time in my life for a man." 

"All work and no play..." 

"Well, Abbey, I didn't say I don't play now, did I?" 

**** 

Jed had the whole staff in the Oval Office for a brainstorming session. 

"No idea is too stupid or outrageous – party clowns, piñatas – I'd build a mosque out of Jell-O if I thought... I need ideas, new ideas, come on. Just throw things out and we'll see if anything comes of it." 

"Sir, I think we need to shift the conversation back to the military..." 

Jed quickly cut Toby off. "Come on, who else? I'm serious – Farad and the Israelis – how to get them into a room together." 

"Well, sir," CJ said, "previous peace plans have focused on getting Chairman Farad to crack down on Hamas and other terrorist groups..." 

"Farad's not powerful enough." Toby interrupted. 

"No idea is too stupid or outrageous..." Jed reminded them. 

"We let Chairman Farad come to Camp David..." Will suggested. 

"No, no, no, no, no." Toby groaned. 

"There's no one else in the region with an interest in ending the violence..." CJ disagreed. "If there was some way to add credibility to the summit, something both the Israelis and the Palestinians would... " 

"Really stupid ideas?" Kate asked. 

"Yes, absolutely," Jed urged her. 

"We ignore everything that's happened in the last twenty-four hours. Yesterday, Farad was cooperating with us, planning to arrest Nasan and the other perpetrators of the CODEL bombing. Then the Israelis surrounded his compound in the West Bank and his people in Gaza refused to arrest Nasan, right?" 

"Yeah, so?" Will asked. 

"So we hold Farad to his earlier promise. Tell him if he wants a summit that he has to arrest Nasan. Show the Israelis and us he's serious about punishing terrorists." 

"You're right. It's a stupid idea," Toby dismissed her. 

"Why?" 

"He's not going to punish Nasan. He's rounded up terrorists before. He walks them past Al Jazerra for show and then puts them under house arrest in a palace with a squash court and high-speed Internet access." 

"Tell him he has to turn Nasan over to us," CJ said. 

"He won't do it." Will said definitely. 

"How do you know?" CJ asked. 

"He won't," Toby agreed with Will. "Half his followers think Nasan's a hero for blowing up Americans. He's going to turn the guy over to the Great Satan?" 

"If he says no or equivocates, we go public. Say we wanted Nasan for a summit, but when we identified the killer we asked Farad to turn him over, he refused. We look reasonable, measured. Farad has no one to blame but himself." 

"And if he does turn over Nasan, we go to the Israelis and say, hey, look, he's serious this time," Kate added. 

Jed liked the plan. If everything fell through and he had to bomb he would at least know that he'd tried everything possible and could live with what he had to do. And he would have something to back up his actions when the Palestinians were up in arms. 

"Can it work?" he asked. The two no's came not surprisingly from his two war hawks of the moment, Toby and Will, while CJ and Kate gave him 'maybes'. 

With mounting frustration, Leo could see that the maybes were enough to make up Jed's mind. "Okay. Somebody get the man a cell phone and tell him to expect a call from the President. Thanks everyone." 

They all got up and left except for Leo. He had not been swayed one inch by this new plan and he let Jed know that straight away. 

"Congress is drafting a resolution demanding that you take military action." 

"Yeah." 

Leo tried to hold his temper at Jed's seeming lack of interest. "Sir," he ground out, "the Lincoln battle group will be in position sometime tonight. They're awaiting your go order to strike Nasan and the Syrian camps in the morning." 

"What?" That got Jed's interest. 

"We can't wait for Farad. The risk of losing Khalil Nasan is too great. We have Intel linking Iran to the Martyrs. It's sketchy in spots, but overall it's a compelling case. I'm recommending you include Iran in the attacks." 

"General Alexander went ahead with plans for these bombings?" 

"At your request." 

Jed felt his blood begin to boil. He had told the general to come to him if he had any new information. He had NOT said to set the wheels in motion for a bombing. Just who the hell was in charge here anyway? "I said I'd consider it when the time was appropriate. I did not ask..." 

"He was trying to anticipate your eventual need, sir, at my urging. Mr. President, please. Congress, the Joint Chiefs, the American public, your own staff, everyone disagrees with your assessment of the situation." 

"Because they are reacting to the passion of the moment. Killing Palestinians isn't going to make us feel safer. They'll kill more of us; we'll kill more of them. It's Russian roulette with a fully-loaded gun." 

"We can't allow terrorists to murder our citizens without..." 

"Why would they do it?" Jed snapped. "Why would Palestinians murder American government officials? They never have before. They're deliberately provoking us, Leo. They know that we have to retaliate. They've studied us. They want us to overreact." 

"This isn't overreacting. It's the appropriate, balanced... " 

"Tell me how this ends, Leo! You want me to start something that may have serious repercussions on American foreign policy for decades, but you don't know how it ends." 

"We don't always know how it ends!" Leo shouted. "The Lincoln will be in position in a few hours and then you are going to have to give the go ahead for the bombings." 

Furious with being given an ultimatum that Leo did not have the authority to give, Jed's eyes bore into him. "Or what?" he asked. 

Leo stared at Jed in shock. He knew he had stepped over the line, something he rarely ever did, and if he did, that Jed rarely ever called him on. However, he had truly believed that at some point he would be able to convince Jed that the path he was taking was wrong. Now for the first time, he could see that he wasn't going to be able to change his mind. That Jed was going to pursue a means to peace no matter what he said or did. 

"Let me know when Chairman Farad calls," Jed said. "I'll be in the Residence." 

"Thank you, Mr. President." Still reeling, Leo watched him head out to the portico. 

**** 

"Mommy...Mommy..." 

Abbey woke with a start at the feel of a finger poking her arm sharply. 

"What?" She opened her eyes to see Aislinn's face mere inches from her own. 

Nicholas giggled. "You were sleeping!" 

Disoriented for a moment, Abbey realized she had fallen asleep on her bed in the middle of telling the twins a bedtime story. It had been a long day after a long sleepless night. 

"Yes, well then," she let her glasses fall and rubbed her weary eyes. "Let's get you little snickerdoodles to bed." 

"I wanna see Daddy," Nicholas whined. Abbey's heart ached at the sad eyes he cast her way. The kids had barely seen Jed in the past couple of days and she knew how much they missed their time with him. 

"I know you do, sweetheart." She traced the sweet curve of his little ear. "He misses you too." 

"I'm not tired," Aislinn informed her. 

"Well, I AM tired and you two have school tomorrow." 

"Can we sleep in here with you and Daddy?" Nicholas squirmed away snuggling into his father's pillow. 

"'Fraid not, muchacho," Abbey lifted him down off the bed and began prodding the two of them off toward the nursery. 

After tucking them in for the night, Abbey glanced at the clock and sighed. Jed still wasn't home yet. She made herself a cup of vanilla chai tea and brought it to the bathroom where she poured some white cherry blossom bubble bath under the hot running water. While the tub filled, she twisted her long auburn hair up into a claw clip and slipped out of her clothes. Sighing with relief, she slipped into the warm fragrant bubbly water, her mug of tea in one hand, a book in the other. Rather than growing sleepier, as was usually the case with tea and warm water, Abbey became engrossed in the suspenseful mystery. 

Jed was in the bedroom undressing when Abbey stepped through the bathroom door. His lips twisted with amusement when he saw her. Tendrils of hair fell from her clip to cling damply against her flushed cheeks and her reading glasses were perched on the tip of her nose as she continued to read her book while she walked. Her towel was only held in place by one hand and one breast was delightfully exposed where it draped low. 

"Good book?" 

"Jesus!" Abbey nearly jumped out of her skin and dropped her book to the floor. Her hand flew to her heart. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" 

"I wasn't sneaking up on you," he chuckled. "I was standing right here getting undressed. I can't help it if you're so engrossed in your book you don't know what's going on around you. Be thankful it was me and not somebody else in here." He gestured toward her bare breast. 

"Well, for heaven's sake, who else would be in our bedroom?" Then thinking about all the staff visits and interruptions she added, "Never mind, don't answer that." She dropped her towel, stepped on it, and proceeded powder herself with a lily of the valley talcum powder before slipping into her nightgown. Jed stepped up behind her placing his hands on her shoulders and pressing a kiss to the back of her neck inhaling her sweet feminine fragrance. 

"I love how you smell after a bath." 

She turned in his arms, ran her fingers over his troubled brow. "Have you had supper?" 

His silence caused Abbey to sigh. "I'm ordering you up a tray." 

"I'm not hungry." 

"Something light. Maybe some minestrone soup and fresh crusty bread." 

He hadn't been hungry but now that she mentioned food his stomach growled in anticipation. 

Once the tray arrived, Abbey sat back against the pillows drawing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them while she regarded her husband with interest. "Okay," she said, after he'd had a few bites of food. "So, tell me about what's going on." 

**** 

Late in the night, Abbey stirred and moved to snuggle up to Jed. She reached a hand out for him and encountered not her husband's warm form as she had expected but an empty bed and cool rumpled sheets. Jed was gone. She squinted sleepily at the clock. 2:04. She tucked her hair back behind her ears and turned on the bedside lamp. Her eyes closed reflexively against the bright light and when they finally adjusted to the newly lit room, she scanned her surroundings but didn't see Jed. Pushing the covers aside, she slipped out of bed and into her bathrobe and went to find him. It didn't take long. He was seated on a couch in the sitting room staring into space. He was so lost in thought he didn't hear her enter the room. Her chest constricted at the sight of him, he looked so alone. 

"It's late." she said. 

Jed turned with surprise to see his wife yawning and shuffling toward him sleepily, her bare feet barely making a sound. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" 

"Hmm? No. Still nothing?" She sat beside him, not touching him, knowing that he needed talk now more than comfort. 

He shook his head to indicate that he'd had no news from Farad and his gaze stayed straight ahead, unable to look at her. His voice was quiet, thoughtful. "Maybe I'm wrong." 

"Maybe," she said softly. 

"You think so?" 

She caught the surprise in his voice and shook her head with a little smile and shrug that told him she knew exactly what he was up to. That she knew very well he didn't really think he was wrong but that he had to go through this process of self-doubt to try to see things from the opposing side in order to make absolutely certain that he WAS right. 

He smiled back at her but it disappeared quickly. "I'm that predictable now?" 

Her hand moved to rest on his thigh rubbing gently. "You were always that predictable." 

His hand settled over hers. He was so glad to have her with him. She was the one person to whom he could voice all his fears and doubts; the only person with whom he didn't need to guard his words or emotions. There was a freedom in being with Abbey because she knew who he was. She knew his heart and his soul and she had no agenda other than to help him and to perform whatever role he needed at the moment be it sounding board, comfort or wisdom. 

"I could do what they want; make everyone feel better for a few days. Some nice aerial shots of things blowing up on CNN, a few charred bodies. It'd be a hell of a lot easier." 

"You want easier?" 

He didn't reply right away. "I want Fitz to walk through my door tomorrow and give me a hard time about the Celtics." 

"You think they have a chance this year?" 

"Who?" 

"The Celtics." 

"They still need a big man and a reliable point-guard, but they might make a run for it." 

"For a moment there I was worried." She reached out to lovingly caress his cheek then laid her head against his shoulder, her hand trailing down over his jaw and chest to rest warmly over his abdomen. This was her man – the eternal optimist always filled with hope. A man who believed in miracles. 

"You don't have to worry," he promised her, knowing that she'd been referring to him, not the Celtics. "I know that I can't take the easy way out of this. I know that trying to find a peaceful solution is not wrong. I know that I can't back down no matter what they say or think about me. I can make this work, Abbey. I KNOW I can." Strength, optimism and a belief in himself. That was her Jed. She smiled, gazing up at him with a look of love and trust so powerful it caused the breath to catch in his throat. 

"I believe you, Jed. I believe IN you." 

Smiling tenderly, he reached out a thumb to trace over her bottom lip and bent to press a kiss gently on her forehead. Now if only Leo did. 

**** 

The next morning finally brought a response from Farad and Jed, surrounded by his staff, had him on the speakerphone. 

"Mr. Chairman, capturing Nasan and then turning him over to us would demonstrate to the Israelis and the world that you're tough on terror. That you know the difference between fighting for the Palestinian cause and randomly attacking Americans." 

"All it would demonstrate is that Palestinians are incapable of administering justice themselves." 

"Americans were killed, Mr. Chairman. This falls under our jurisdiction. Even if you were to detain Nasan, we would ask that you extradite him." 

"These are difficult questions. Perhaps they should be a topic of our talks at Camp David." 

"There won't be any talks if Khalil Nasan isn't delivered into United States custody." 

"Mr. President, that makes things very difficult. Perhaps then, Mr. President, we will not be able to meet." 

Kate grabbed a pen from the President's desk and spilled his coffee in the process. Jed jumped to his feet with irritation but then took the note she handed to him, quickly passing it off to Leo. 

"Mr. Chairman, if your security forces were to detain Nasan and then turn him over to us secretly, we'd be happy to say that he was apprehended by the FBI." Jed paused when he didn't receive an answer hoping he hadn't lost him. It was a last ditch effort. If Farad refused there would be no summit, no chance for peace. "Mr. Chairman?" 

"I will discuss it with members of my government." 

"And you'll seriously consider it?" 

"I will discuss it." 

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Chairman." 

"Thank you, Mr. President." 

Jed clicked off the call and immediately the staff began bickering over whether Farad would do it or not. Finally when the bickering had gone far enough, Leo cleared the room. 

"Now what?" he asked Jed. 

"We wait." 

The Lincoln battle group is almost..." 

Still irritated with Leo's earlier directives Jed told him firmly. "We wait, Leo." He watched Leo leave and turned to look out the window at the Rose Garden. He knew Leo agreed with Toby and Will, knew he felt that Farad would not come through, that the summit was a pipe dream. But he'd talked to Farad before and there was something in his voice, something that told him that their latest proposition was just the kind of out that the man could live with and still maintain his authority. 

**** 

Hours later, Leo entered the Oval Office knowing that it was time to somehow, some way, make Jed face facts. To make him see that he could not continue on thinking that a peaceful solution was possible and that instead the time for military action had come. He did not believe for one minute that Chairman Farad would agree to give up Nasan. 

"We've heard nothing from Chairman Farad for over seven hours. General Alexander is waiting in the Sit Room. The Lincoln Carrier group is in place." 

Jed was well aware of the fact that the time was up. He'd given Farad every chance possible. He'd pulled every rabbit out of his hat but it was over. In spite of what Leo thought, he had never tossed all his eggs in one basket. He had known from the start that there was every possibility he would have to bomb and he had been prepared to do that. He'd just been hoping they wouldn't get to that point. Just about to respond in kind there was a knock at the door. 

"Excuse me, Mr. President." 

"What do you need, George?" Leo asked. 

"Our FBI team in Gaza was just contacted by the Palestinian security forces. They have Khalil Nasan in custody and they'd like to turn him over to us." 

Jed felt a quick burst of relief. It wasn't over yet. "Looks like it's time to talk to Eli." He deliberately ignored the look of dismay on Leo's face and buzzed Debbie to set up the call. 

**** 

Walking down the portico toward the Oval Office with Toby, Leo and Charlie, Jed looked at the Congressional resolution urging him to action in Gaza. Normally he would have been more pissed about it but he was feeling too buoyed by Farad's actions to let it get him too down. He was gratified to see that neither Sam nor Andi Wyatt, who had been directly involved in the bombing, had voted for the resolution. Kate was waiting at the door to the Oval. 

"Charlie," Jed turned to the young man. "Get the Prime Minister on the phone. Ms. Harper, head on in and look unhappy." 

Kate entered the Oval and Jed turned his attention to Toby. 

"I want you to call every Democrat that supported this resolution and tell them that if they ever want White House support for another rubber-chicken fundraiser, they had better start singing a rousing chorus of 'Hail to the Chief'." He handed Toby the papers and headed toward the door to the office. Leo started to follow him but Jed stopped before they entered the office. The last meeting with Madame Galit was still fresh in his mind and with negotiations being so delicate, he couldn't take a chance of Leo's disapproval coming across and swaying the ambassador. 

"Leo, head down to the Sit Room and tell the generals to keep their pistols in their pockets for the time being. You don't believe in this, and they're not going to want to do it. I can't have them picking up any signals from you that we disagree." 

Leo valiantly hid his surprise at being left out of the talks with Prime Minister Zahavy. "No, sir." He turned to leave while Jed entered the Oval shutting the door behind him. Within moments, he was on a conference call with Eli Zahavy, Prime Minister of Israel a man that Jed had great respect for. 

"The Palestinian Authority has detained Khalil Nasan and is preparing to turn him over to our FBI." 

"Farad's promised to turn over terrorists before," Eli reminded him. 

"It's a show of good faith on Chairman Farad's part – an example of his renewed willingness to address the peace process. Mr. Prime Minister, the territories are undermining your legitimacy as a modern democracy and sapping your moral authority in the eyes of the world." 

"Farad is beholden to the very forces that wish to push us back into the sea. It's not a negotiating point for him. It's a religious and a moral imperative to take back all of Israel for Palestine." 

"Sir, you cannot hold yourself out as the Promised Land while occupying the territories and oppressing other peoples." 

"Our Arab citizens enjoy the most freedoms of any Arabs in the Middle East. Palestinians are oppressed as opposed to... We don't stone women who refuse to wear head scarves in Tel Aviv." 

"Sir, Chairman Farad says you're almost done building the fence in the West Bank. He's about to lose half the Jordan Valley to unilateral settlements," Kate said. 

"If you agree to come to a summit with Farad and he still refuses to reach an agreement, the United States is willing to publicly support Israeli actions to secure your homeland, including the building of the fence," Jed promised. He paused for a moment and his tone softened as he turned more personal. "Eli, why not sit down and talk again?" 

There was silence for a moment but Zahavy ultimately responded to the more personal tone. He had worked with Jed Bartlet in the past and knew him to be an honorable man. "If Farad turns over this terrorist to you, I will take this offer to my Cabinet." 

"Thank you, Mr. Prime Minister." 

"Good afternoon, Mr. President." 

Jed hung up the phone and looked across his desk nodding toward the Ambassador. 

"Madame Ambassador." 

"Mr. President." 

Ambassador Galit left the room and Jed turned to his staff with a new sense of enthusiasm emanating from him. He grinned. 

"I think we've got ourselves a ballgame." 


	8. Altered Lives

"Daddy!" Both children raced across the room toward their father as he entered the nursery. Abbey glanced up from where she was quickly packing a suitcase and smiled as she watched them jumping at him like excited puppies. 

"Mommy said we can come to camp with you!" 

"So I hear." Unable to hoist both children into his arms at the same time, he sat on Aislinn's bed and allowed the children to scamper over him trying to catch their faces for kisses. "I've missed you guys." 

"We miss you too," Aislinn planted a big kiss on his cheek. "Mommy said you had a..a.. cwisis." The word was said so seriously as the little girl tried to imitate her mother that it brought a wide grin to Jed's lips that was still there when his eyes met Abbey's over their daughter's head. 

"I did have a crisis. I still do. But, I'm hoping that going to camp will fix that." 

"What's a cwisis?" Nicholas wanted to know. 

"Well, in this case, let's see if I can explain it. You see there are two groups of people and they've been mad at each other for a very long time and they've done some mean things to each other. We are friends with one of the groups of people and the other group of people don't like that and they did something mean to us this time too." 

"They should say they're sorry," Nicholas said. "I always have to say sorry when I do mean things. Like when dumped the paint on Aislinn's head." 

Jed's lips twitched at the memory of his blue haired daughter. "Well, yes, you're right, they should." 

"Why do they do mean things?" Aislinn asked. 

"Because they both want to live in the same place." 

"How come they don't share?" Aislinn's brow furrowed. She was forever being told that she had to share. 

"That's why Daddy is bringing them to Camp David," Abbey said. "He's trying to get them to agree to share. Now, why don't you two run into the bathroom and get your toothbrushes and your bubble bath. I'm almost finished here." 

The children darted off, eager to get to the camp their mother had described to them. They had never been to Camp David before. Abbey and Jed preferred to spend off weekends at their place in Port Harmony on the Chesapeake or back in New Hampshire at the farm. 

"Wow, out of the mouths of babes, huh," Jed got to his feet. 

Abbey nodded. "It does seem like it should be that simple. But it isn't." 

"No, it isn't. Biblical hatreds still playing out thousands of years later." 

"So, which wife do you think Farad will bring? Number one, two or three? I hear the newest is barely out of high school." 

Jed bit back his amusement at Abbey's sarcasm. The tradition of Arab men taking more than one wife did not sit well with her. 

"Well, who's to say it's not a better system. I mean a mid-life crisis in that world doesn't have to mean that the first wife gets dumped for a younger woman. She still gets to live in her home and share her husband's bed and attention." 

"GETS to share?! Are you kidding me?" Abbey's green eyes flashed fire. 

"As a matter of fact I am." He couldn't hold back his laughter. 

Abbey rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. 

"Come on, don't be mad." He slipped an arm around her waist. "I think it's sweet that you don't want to share me with another woman." 

"Sweet, huh. You want to really know what I find abhorrent about the situation?" 

"Sure." 

"What is most appalling to me is that the women don't have the same opportunity. A bored woman can't decide to bring a young stud into her marriage so that her first husband has to share HER attentions." 

"That's REALLY what you find most abhorrent?" 

Abbey looked into her husband's surprised face and amusement danced in her eyes. "Jed, don't be a jackass. Of COURSE that isn't what I find most abhorrent. The whole idea of sharing a spouse, male or female, is abhorrent. But I think it's sweet that you don't want to share me with a young stud either." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek glad to see his good humor back after the night of self-doubts. 

"Mommy, here's the toothbrushes." 

"And the bubble bath." 

"Okay, let's go get Izzy. I think we're ready to go." 

**** 

Just a short while later, Abbey and Jed, holding hands, strode together across the White House lawn toward Marine One with Max loping sedately at their side. Excited as always to ride in the helicopter, the twins, in shorts, T-shirts and sneakers had raced on ahead with Panda darting around them in circles to keep them somewhat herded, while Leo, Toby, Kate, and Will followed close behind. At the stairs leading up into the helicopter, Jed stopped. Abbey continued in with the children and the dogs but Jed turned to Leo. 

"I want you to stay here, hold down the fort. I'll call you when things heat up." He had thought long and hard about things and had decided in the end not to bring Leo into the initial planning for the summit. It was going to be hard enough to concentrate on what needed to be done without Leo in his face every minute telling him what he was doing was a waste of time. He knew very well that Toby, Josh and Will did not agree with him either, but they would ultimately do what he asked of them. He didn't need Leo sending them mixed signals. 

"Of course, Mr. President." 

Jed looked at his Chief of Staff, his friend. It wasn't easy to leave him out of things; it wasn't easy to feel the way that he was feeling right now. On impulse he gave the man another chance. Maybe he HAD come around. "You still think this is a mistake." It was not a question. 

"Yes, sir, I do." 

So, that was that. "As soon as the Palestinian delegation is on the ground at Andrews, give Alexander the go." 

"Sir?" 

"Tell the general to hit the Ein Hawa camps near Damascus." 

"What about Iran?" 

"I looked at the Intel file. I'm still not convinced. You get something more, show it to me and we'll discuss it." 

"Thank you, Mr. President." 

Jed turned, saluted the Marine standing at the base of the stairs and climbed into the helicopter to join his wife, his children and his staff. Within minutes, the helicopter was flying high over the woods of Maryland. 

**** 

While Jed was kept busy in planning meetings throughout the afternoon, the children had a good time with Abbey and Isabelle. They doubled up with the women to go horseback riding over some of the trails and then had fun hitting tennis balls on the tennis courts and throwing them across the grassy hills for the dogs. Jed was able to return in time to enjoy a supper of barbecued steaks with his wife and children which they ate together on the patio of Aspen Lodge, the cabin that housed the President and his family. Then later as dusk started to settle, Jed took the twins off to edge of the woods to gather twigs to start a promised campfire. 

Abbey grinned as she watched the children return with armloads of small twigs while Jed followed behind carrying larger dead tree limbs. 

"You do know you have staff that can do that for you," Toby said. 

"Part of the fun of camping is being self sufficient," Jed told him. Toby snorted and Jed lifted his head. "Are you mocking me?" 

"Merely pointing out that having chefs and golf carts and fully staffed cabins hardly constitutes being self sufficient." 

"We do what we can." 

"Damn!" Toby smacked at a mosquito that bit his neck. "Your wife's a doctor. Didn't she tell you that making us stay outside here puts us at risk for West Nile disease?" 

"The smoke from the fire will keep the mosquitos away. Didn't you ever camp out, even as a kid?" 

"Not many places to camp out in Brooklyn. I sat on a stoop once in a while, does that count?" 

"Not exactly." 

Toby looked down to where Aislinn held a dirty palm out toward him with an expectant look on her face. "What does she want?" he asked. 

"I expect she wants a quarter." 

Toby glanced down at the little girl. "Honey, your dad is a heck of a lot richer than me. If you want a quarter go see him." 

"You swore," Aislinn said. 

"What?" He cast a puzzled look over the little girl's head to Jed. 

"You're not supposed to use bad words," Aislinn informed him. "If you do, you got to put a quarter in the jar. Daddy has LOTS of quarters in the jar." 

"I'll bet he does." Toby dug into his pocket then handed the child a quarter. Jed grinned at him then held up one of the long branches he'd been collecting and brought his foot down hard snapping it in two. 

"I wanna do it, Daddy," Nicholas clamored. "Let me try!" 

Jed held up another branch, this one quite a bit thinner and Nicholas kicked at with his little hiking boot. Meanwhile, Abbey showed Aislinn how to place the twigs in the stone circle so that by the time Kate, Will and Charlie joined them, they had a nice little campfire going. The children had a good time toasting marshmallows while the adults talked more about the impending arrival of the Israelis and Palestinians the next day. Toby had actually found himself relaxing, leaning back in the Adirondack chair Abbey had brought down from the patio and sipping his beer until, with a start, he heard a rustling behind his chair. Max grumbled low in his throat and Panda jumped up with her ears perked staring off into the darkness. 

"What was that?!" He immediately sat up his eyes following the little collie dog's. 

Abbey cast him a look of gentle disdain. "It was probably just a squirrel or a raccoon." 

"You're awfully jumpy," Kate said. 

"You'll have to forgive Toby. His only exposure to the great outdoors was the stoop to his apartment in Brooklyn," Jed told her while he accepted the slightly burned marshmallow his son offered him from the tip of his stick. 

Another rustle brought a low "whuff" from Panda and drew Max to his feet with another deep growl. Toby's eyes settled uneasily on the dogs. 

"I'm serious, there is definitely something out there." 

"Maybe it's the Blair Witch," Will suggested. "Doesn't the legend say she inhabits these woods." 

"Yup, just south of here actually," Charlie said. 

"Mommy said there's no such thing as witches." Nicholas licked sticky marshmallow off his fingertips and regarded the adults around the campfire with his definitive say on the subject. 

"They're just in books and on TV like the Wizard of Oz," Aislinn added. 

"That's right." Abbey's tone warned them not to broach the subject with the children around, especially just before bed. "And on that note, I think it's time we head inside to clean up before bed." 

"I think that's a very good idea," Toby jumped to his feet. "Let's take this meeting inside." He fell in step behind Abbey and the children leaving no chance for discussion. Will had to jog a bit just to catch up with him. 

"Afraid of a little witch?" he asked softly enough that the children wouldn't hear. Toby gave him a scathing glare that caused Kate to chuckle as they climbed the stairs to the cabin. 

**** 

The next morning, Abbey and Jed were up early anticipating the later arrivals of the summit participants. They ate breakfast together as a family on the shaded screened-in porch as by 7 a.m.; it was already turning into a scorcher of a hot, humid, Indian summer day. After breakfast, Abbey threw her hair up into a ponytail, changed into a pair Adidas running shorts and a tank top and decided to go for a solitary run while Jed took the children for a swim. He had promised them a drive in the golf cart so he took the long way to the pool allowing them each a chance to sit on his lap and steer the cart. They were still splashing away laughing and shrieking when Abbey ran up to the edge of the pool. Jed swam to the side and gazed up at her. She was bent over with hands on her knees breathing heavy. Her Lycra running shorts clung to her toned shapely thighs and when she stood, the sweat plastered her tank top to her full heaving breasts. Jed thanked God that he was in the cold water of the pool or he might have had a reaction he would not have wanted to explain. 

"It is flipping HOT this morning," she breathed wiping the sweat from her brow. 

"Water's nice," Jed said. 

Abbey kicked off her sneakers off, yanked at her socks, and with a sigh dangled her hot feet in the cold water. 

"Come swimming, Mommy," Nicholas called out to her. 

"I don't have my suit on." 

"That doesn't matter," Jed grabbed her ankles and pulled her down into the water. 

"Jed!" she surfaced on a shriek. "What the hell did you do that for?" 

"You were hot, the water was cold. It was a no brainer." 

"Except I don't have my suit on." 

"Your shorts and tank are less revealing than your bathing suit." 

By the time Charlie approached to tell them the delegates were on the wa,y Abbey was in the shallow end playing with the twins while Jed did laps. They both immediately climbed out of the pool and headed back to the cabin to dress. 

**** 

Busy with dressing herself, Abbey hadn't paid much attention to Jed but when she came out of the bedroom she found him nervously working at his tie. 

"You're making a mess of it. Give me that." She stepped up in front of him and began adjusting his tie. Within moments Charlie entered the room. 

"The Israelis just cleared our airspace," he said. 

"Okay." Finished with the tie, Abbey turned her attention to the last few buttons on the vest to Jed's dapper three piece suit and hand in hand they made their way outside and down the trail to where the helicopter would land. They waited at the top of the red carpet that had been laid out for the arrival watching as the Marine helicopter landed on the helipad and a young Marine opened the doors to allow the Israeli delegation to depart. Abbey turned to Jed giving him an encouraging smile as she adjusted the lapels of his jacket dusting away any imaginary lint or dust. 

"Go get 'em, Cassius." 

"Thank you," And with a quicksilver smile he turned to walk up to the helicopter and greet the Israeli Prime Minister, Eli Zahavy and his wife Maya. They were an elderly couple in their early 70's, both childhood survivors of the holocaust, but they were still strong and vital. Then less than a half an hour later, Abbey and Jed were once again standing side by side waiting for the limousine carrying the Palestinian delegation. As a leader who had at times sanctioned terrorism, oppressed women, and had more than one wife, Chairman Farad was not Abbey's favorite person, however, she knew her role and was as always a gracious hostess. She plastered a welcoming smile to face as she greeted him. Then as Jed led Farad and Mukarat into the negotiating cabin where the Israeli delegation was waiting Abbey asked Maya Zahavy to join her and the children on a stroll along the forest trails and to have lunch outside by the creek after she freshened up from her travels. 

Abbey was happy to get the chance to freshen up herself, and to change out of the hot First Lady suit and clingy panty hose. There was nothing worse than panty hose on a hot day. She splashed cold water on her face then stood in the bedroom in her bra and panties picking through her wardrobe looking for something that would be both cool and First Lady-like. Before putting on what she finally chose, she grabbed a floral body mist and spritzed herself. Aislinn jumped up from the floor where she and Nicholas had been coloring while their mother changed. 

"Me too! Me too! I want to smell pretty too." 

"Okay, sit still." Abbey gave her a quick spritz and Aislinn began to twirl in circles. 

"Do I smell pretty, Mommy?" 

Abbey inhaled deeply. "You smell DIVINE, darling. Just like springtime lilacs." 

"I smell like lilacs, Nicky." Aislinn moved to stand before her brother who, uninterested in how she smelled, ignored her. "Nicky!" She stamped her foot to get his attention. "Smell me!" She shoved her pudgy arm beneath his nose and Nicholas gave a loud messy sneeze. 

"YUCK!" Aislinn exclaimed with disgust. "Mommy, Nicky SNEEZED on me. He got BOOGIES on me!" 

"It was a accident," Nicholas defended himself and wiped at his nose with the back of his arm. 

"Come here, both of you." Abbey led them into the bathroom, grabbed a washcloth and proceeded to clean them off. "Aislinn, Nicholas sneezed because sometimes perfume makes people sneeze; it was an accident. And Nicholas, how many times have I told you to ask for a tissue to wipe your nose and not to use your arm." 

"I don't know," he shrugged. 

"That was rhetorical question." 

"What's 'torical?" 

"It means I was telling you something, not asking a question." Abbey quickly ran a comb through his hair then turned to tighten her daughter's pigtails and then they were on their way to Birch Lodge to pick up the Prime Minister's wife. 

Maya Zahavy had been looking forward to spending time with Abigail Bartlet, the twenty-first century's first real icon. She had met her briefly right after Jed Bartlet had been elected president, before she'd gotten pregnant but most of what she knew about her came from reading what she was doing in the press. Abbey didn't disappoint. Standing at the base of the stairs leading into Birch Lodge wearing trendy sunglasses and holding an overall clad child in each hand, she looked more movie star than First Lady. She wore an apricot colored, crochet style tank top and a simple cream-colored cotton wrap-around skirt decorated with tiny flowers of celery green and pale apricot. Her elegant tanned legs were bare and she wore a pair of slip on sandals while her long shining auburn hair spilled loosely over her shoulders. Dr. Abigail Bartlet had not sacrificed one iota of her own individuality, femininity or sexual allure in becoming First Lady. Nor had she sacrificed her own activism and intelligence; this was a woman who was just as brainy as she was beautiful and wasn't afraid for people to know it. Maya looked forward to getting to know her better. 

"Hello, Maya." Abbey kissed the older woman's cheek. "Welcome to Camp David." 

"Thank you, Abbey. It's really quite beautiful here and so rustic. Just as I'd pictured American frontier life to be." 

"Well, without the golf carts, swimming pools and tennis courts," Abbey grinned. 

"Yes," Maya laughed. "Without those of course. Now," she inclined her head down to the two youngsters. "You must be the two youngest Bartlets. I've heard so much about you." 

Aislinn and Nicky hung back against their mother's legs gazing at the woman shyly. 

"This is my daughter, Aislinn," Abbey said. "And my son, Nicholas. Children, say hello to Mrs. Zahavy." 

"Hello, Mrs. Zahavy." The children had been taught well. Maya, a mother, grandmother and great-grandmother smiled down on them. 

"Hello, Aislinn. Hello, Nicholas. It's very nice to finally meet you. Your daddy talks to my husband about you all the time." Maya looked up from them to Abbey. "Your husband is a very proud father. The last time he came to Jerusalem was not long after you'd given birth and you couldn't make the trip. He was very excited about his new babies." 

Abbey nodded. "I was still nursing and the twins were too young to travel. I was sorry to miss the trip though. I've always wanted to see Jerusalem." 

"Perhaps some day," Maya nodded. 

"Perhaps. Well, shall we?" She gestured toward the trail that led into the woods. 

The children raced on ahead and lagged sometimes behind in their explorations, while Abbey and Maya chatted on a set pace. Maya Zahavy was a tall, rangy, large boned woman, matronly, and yet well kept, her short hair dyed an ash blond that hid the silver threads. She was, Abbey soon found out, a fascinating woman and she was soon engaged in Maya's life story. 

"I was the daughter of Polish Jews. My family lived on a farm outside of Krakow. I was eleven years old when we were rounded up and forced to leave our farm to live in the ghetto. I had just turned twelve when we were put on the trains and sent to Dachau. It is too lovely a day to go into the horrors of that hell. All I will tell you is that I went into that camp a child of twelve and left an old woman of fifteen. I lost my whole family; they were all killed." 

"Oh, Maya." Abbey reached out to touch her arm. 

"It was a long time ago." Maya patted the hand. "But I still remember. I will always remember." 

Abbey nodded and Maya turned to her now with a smile. "I also remember the men that came to liberate our camp. Big, tall, strong, American men. I had never met an American before, but we had dreamed about them often, prayed that they would defeat the Nazis. It was the one hope that we had in the camps. Do you know what I remember the most about those men?" 

Abbey turned with an expectant look. 

"It was the of horror in their eyes when they saw us. To me, as a child, they were men, and to see some of them weep over us was astounding to me. Now I look back and realize that they were just boys, just innocent boys who in spite of being in war had never seen anything like the death camps. Later, I remembered their smiles, big white American smiles and the way they would give the children of the camp candy and bubble gum. They seemed bigger than life to me. Sometimes they still do. Your husband is a good man, a kind man, and a generous man. My husband respects him very much. It is why he is here in spite of his misgivings." 

"I'm glad that he decided to come." 

"The President is also a strong man, and he will need that strength. He doesn't understand the centuries of hatred into which he is now treading any more than those American soldiers could understand the death camps. My husband is stubborn. He too lost his family in the camps, at Buchenwald. I met him in Israel when we were both in the army fighting in the war of Israeli independence. He had been a German Jew, his family having left Russia after the pogroms at the turn of the century. So, you see, it was important that he have a home, a safe home where nobody could force him out. But they do keep trying; sometimes I wonder if it will ever end. There were times when we were living on a kibbutz and raising our children when I begged him to let us move to the United States. I felt that it was safer to be a Jew in America then it was in our own country." 

"I can understand that. You had children. You wanted them to be safe. I don't think there is anything more important to a mother." Abbey spoke from experience about this remembering her own fears when she left Washington for New Hampshire to protect her own children. 

Maya nodded. "But we wanted them to be Israelis too. I want my children, my grandchildren and my great grandchildren to be Israelis AND to be safe. That's what this summit is all about. There will be a lot of rhetoric, a lot of blustering and ultimatums but I want you to know how much I want this to succeed. I have no love lost for the Palestinians but we have fought them long enough. The hatred and violence and terror only continue to grow and as a mother and grandmother that terrifies me. I fought in the war of '48. My son fought in the Six Days' War. My granddaughter fought in the First Intifada, and now my great grandson is only four years away from his mandatory term in the army. My family has seen enough of war – Israel has seen enough of war." 

"My husband agrees. That's why he's invited you here with the Palestinians." 

"And you too, you've seen first hand the horrors of hatred and terrorism." Maya turned to the younger woman then, eyes filled with compassion. 

"Yes, I have," Abbey said softly. 

"My husband and I prayed very long and very hard for your safe return. You are now well?' 

"Yes, I'm much better, thank you." With her dark sunglasses on, Maya could not see the clouds that momentarily haunted Abbey's eyes, but she did hear it in her voice. 

"And your daughters?" She smiled as she watched little Aislinn race down the bank of the creek to dip her hands in the running water, the sunlight shining off the gilt-gold curls of her pigtails. 

"They're doing very well. Zoey is going for her Master's in psychology and Aislinn just started pre-school." 

"That's good. It was an awful thing to be sure." 

"We have our own blood in this now, Maya. Terrorism has hit our shores and it has hit Americans abroad. We've always wanted peace in the Middle East but now we have an even bigger stake in it. This is no longer just about Israelis and Palestinians. But, we need to start somewhere." 

Maya nodded in agreement and watched Abbey kick off her sandals to sit beside her daughter on a rock and dangle her feet into the cold mountain stream. She smiled at the sight of their matching rose painted toes dancing in the rushing water and at Nicholas rolling over stones looking for salamanders while the dogs splashed around him. Such a peaceful moment in such a peaceful place. "Abbey," 

Abbey turned quickly at the serious tone to Maya's voice. "The President has put himself out on a limb for this. If the talks seem to falter, if your people can't get your points across to my husband, tell them to find a way to get rid of Masser." 

Abbey's green eyes settled on Maya acknowledging the tip that she'd been given with a slight incline of her head. "I will, Maya. Thank you." 

**** 

Jed stood at the head of a long table of delegates, all eyes upon the American President. "Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for coming." The room erupted with applause. Jed nodded accepting the applause then continued on. "We are here to create a resolution that balances the needs of both with respect to the national identities and the religious beliefs of both, but I'm telling you there can be no lasting peace, no regional stability, without a strong and secure Israel, and there can be no lasting peace without a sovereign, viable state for the Palestinians. Whether you choose to do this today or ten years from today, you will face the same geography, the same neighbors, and the same ancient animosities. More years of bloodshed and pain will not change those facts. The only path to a real and lasting peace is through negotiation." 

Debbie stepped up to Jed and handed him a piece of paper with a note on it. He read it while Toby stood and addressed the delegation. 

"The parties have agreed to break into subgroups this afternoon after Chairman Farad, Prime Minister Zahavy, and President Bartlet meet to agree on topics of discussion." 

"Excuse me, Toby, if I may." Jed stood while Toby sat. "You'll be hearing this news shortly, but our FBI has identified the group responsible for the deaths of Americans in Gaza and we've launched an attack on their camp in Syria. Gentlemen, if you will, meet me on the Aspen Terrace at noon. Thank you." 

**** 

Back at the White House, Leo stood looking at the television with disgust. Speaker Haffley was all over the airwaves taking advantage of the news blackout going on at Camp David to spout off about the need for revenge and remaining true to Israel. The man was a consummate politician, and he meant that in the very WORST way possible. While Leo might agree that these peace talks were a fool's errand, he wasn't actively trying to decimate them and he wasn't hoping gleefully that the President would fail so that he could shout out a big fat "I told you so" in his face. The fact that Jeff Haffley put politics and personal animosity ahead of what was best for the country and the world was sickening to him. He knew very well that part of the reason Jed had told him to stay behind, other than the military matters, was because he'd screwed up with Shira. Because Jed had been afraid that he wouldn't be able to mask the fact that he didn't believe in these talks and that it would hurt the negotiations. But, just because he didn't believe the talks were going to accomplish anything didn't mean that wasn't hoping for a miracle. And, he was going to do what he had to do on this end of things to help. His eyes were still on the television when CJ poked her head in his office. 

"You were looking for me?" 

"We're losing the media war," he told her. "I want us on the morning shows, _Crossfire_ , _Dateline_. Book _This Old House_ if we can figure out an angle. 

"Who goes?" 

"You, me, the Assistant Deputy Secretary for Fishery Exploitation; I don't care. We've got to get our message out." 

"And what is our message?" 

"Shut up while we're trying to get them to stop killing each other." 

"I can get behind that," she grinned and was out the door. 

Leo reached into his desk for the bottle of Mylanta he'd left there and took a large swig rubbing at the burning sensation in his chest that seemed to be happening with more frequency lately. 

**** 

After greeting Abbey and the children – newly awakened from their afternoon naps and on their way for a late afternoon swim – Jed, Nizar Farad, Eli Zahavy and Debbie made their way around Aspen cabin to couches set up on the back terrace. It was a lovely setting, surrounded by woods and the sound of rushing water, but the three men were all far too tense to notice any of that. 

"Your children are very sweet, Mr. President," Farad said. 

"Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Your family is well?" Jed could never remember the name of one of Farad's wives never mind three so he played it safe. 

"They are, thank you." 

"I've ordered some tea. Would anyone like anything else?" 

"Uh, tea is fine, thank you." Both Farad and Zahavy agreed on that at least. 

"Good." Jed sat on the couch, put his glasses on and opened a folder. "We need to agree on the topics of discussion for the subgroups. I've taken the liberty of coming up with a few things to help us get started. First – security for Israel after withdrawal from the Territories." 

"We will need to maintain military presence in the Jordan..." Zahavy began. 

"What sort of a message does this send to my people about sovereignty." 

"Please, excuse me," Jed interrupted their bickering. "Discussion of these issues is for the subgroups. We're only suggesting topics now. Second topic – Disposition of the settlements and the land apportioned to them. Third – right of return for refugees." 

"Though it is not 'right' of return, it's a 'claim' of return," Zahavy reminded him. Jed let that pass and continued on. 

"Fourth – how the Palestinian Authority will go about dismantling terrorist groups. Well, that's four topics. I guess we can catch a double-feature now." 

Neither man was smiling. They both had something more on the agenda and Jed knew what it was and wasn't prepared to get into that at the moment. 

"What about Jerusalem?" Farad asked. 

"I thought we would put off discussion of Jerusalem until after... " 

"We will not give up control of Jerusalem." Zahavy stated very firmly. 

"Jerusalem is central to our topics here." 

"Gentlemen, please, let's begin on these four issues and see if we can reach an agreement..." 

"We should start with Jerusalem. If we can't resolve that, why are we spending time on the little things?" 

"Little things?" Zahavy scoffed. "Like denouncing terrorism?" 

"Our capital must be Jerusalem." 

"Israel will not give up Jerusalem." 

"Then why are we here? Why are any of us here?" 

Zahavy got to his feet. "For once, Mr. Farad, you are right. My apologies, Mr. President, there is no progress to be made here. I should never have accepted your invitation." 

"Sit back down, Eli." Jed could be just as firm when needs be. 

"No, no. We will not negotiate sovereignty over the Temple Mount." 

Farad stood too his temper flaring. "The Dome of the Rock stands on the site where the prophet Muhammad..." 

Jed stood as well his frustration with the two men quite apparent. "Stop it, both of you. Gentlemen, I have staked my personal credibility and the credibility of the United States on suggesting, perhaps foolishly, that the Israelis and the Palestinians are reasonable people who would like to at least try to resolve their differences peacefully; no one is going home after one hour of talks. Now then, the subgroups will begin on these four topics after lunch. Thank you." 

Both men left and Jed leaned back into the couch looking over at Debbie. "That went well, don't you think?" 

It was going to be a long few days. 


	9. Altered Lives

  
Author's notes: Spoilers-Some things from \"Birnam Wood\"  


* * *

A rainstorm that went through during the night had cleared out the previous day's oppressive heat and the new day dawned chilly enough for Abbey to wear a soft, fawn colored, short suede jacket over her brown stretch T-shirt as she lingered over coffee on the outdoor patio. Her legs, clad in a pair of low-rise dark blue jeans were stretched out before her on a wicker hassock. She had a pile of folders set down beside her and one opened on her lap – proposals from the members of her task force on woman and children and violence, who were touring the country to bring back to her both needs and ideas. She tried to concentrate but every so often the warm sun lulled her and she allowed her head to fall back against the chair to simply enjoy the sound of the birds chirping in the trees around them and the gurgling of the rushing creek that ran beside the cabin. Chiming in with a sweet music all of its own was the sound of her children's laughter ringing across the lawn as they swung plastic bats and tried to hit a wiffle ball off the Tee Jed had set up for them after breakfast. He'd taught them how to use it, played with them for a little while then passed the extra balls off to Izzy to join his wife on the patio. 

Now Abbey sipped her coffee regarding him over the rim of her mug. He too wore a pair of jeans along with a dark blue sweater that brought the sky out in his sky-blue eyes and a pair of butter soft leather loafers. The sunlight danced in his thick tawny hair creating streaky lighter golden highlights. She fought the urge to move to him and reach out a hand to run her fingers through the silky mane. She fought the urge to find a way to get him back into bed. It amazed her sometimes that this could still happen to her. That after years of familiarity, she could still momentarily feel that breathtaking pang of newness as if she were transposed in time to that young co-ed experiencing love and passion for the first time in her life. And the fact that it was with the same man only made it all the sweeter causing her heart to quicken with a tenderness that accompanied the desire. 

Jed was engrossed in his own work, jotting down ideas for the peace talks as they came to him, biting on the end of his pencil and frowning down at the paper before him. And yet, as focused as he was, she could see the impatience as he tapped his foot against the patio and his pencil against his bottom lip. Every so often he looked up and glanced away in the direction of the other cabins where some of his staff members were negotiating with Prime Minister Zahavy while the others negotiated with Chairman Farad. She knew he itched to be a part of things but the strategy they had all devised had been to keep him out of the "little" things and only bring him in when a stalemate had occurred, or a big gun was needed. It was not an easy strategy for her husband who liked to be in control of things himself, a man whose greatest joy was to be in the thick of a problem and to find a way to fix it. But, he would get his chance, of that she was sure. For now he would simply have to sit on the patio like an expectant father and wait for his staff to bring him news. 

**** 

The Marine cooks served lunch mess style in the main lodge, and when it was over, the negotiating teams had some time for a break. Abbey put the twins down for a nap while Jed changed into a pair of Adidas windpants and a T-shirt for a game of basketball and strategizing with his staff. 

"Not playing?" Abbey asked Kate who was still dressed in a pair of slacks and blouse. 

"Basketball was never my thing." Kate took in the First Lady's fashionable flared jeans, suede jacket and sandals. "You either?" 

"I was field hockey and softball. I never played competitive basketball but I do mess around sometimes with Jed and the girls. I have to say I play a pretty mean game of HORSE. But that crew?" She brushed a hand off toward Jed, Will, Toby, Charlie and a newly arrived Josh. "They take things far too seriously. You have no idea how many skinned knees, elbows, sprains, and bruised bones have come about from these little pick up games." 

"That bad, huh?" 

"Put a group of competitive men together and watch the testosterone fly. Just wait until Jed gets a load of Toby's..." 

"YANKEES! You DARE wear a damn YANKEES shirt on MY court! I thought we had a deal about this, Tobias." 

"And they're off," Abbey grinned and settled down to pour herself a glass of iced tea from the pitcher. 

"This isn't the White House," Toby argued. 

"It's a satellite," Jed shot back. "It's like the flag flying when the Queen is in residence." 

"So, now you're the Queen?" 

Abbey choked on the sip tea she had just taken and Jed shot her a dirty look and then aimed one at Toby. 

"And let us not forget that you don't actually own the White House. The American people own the White House, you simply have their permission to live there." 

Jed moved toward Toby his finger pointing into the man's chest. "While I am living there, I own it. It's MY home and if I say no Yankee clothes then them's the rules, bubbe." 

"You can't tell me what clothes I can wear you crazy lunatic. I'm not Nicholas." 

"At this point I think Nicholas is better behaved than both of you," Abbey shot over. 

"She's right," Josh said. "Can we for the love of God get over this insane Red Sox/Yankee rivalry and actually play some hoops." 

"Spoken like a true Connecticut waffler," Jed sneered. 

"Hey, I'm not a waffler. I'm a Mets fan." 

"The Mets," Jed and Toby snorted in unison. 

"Who but a damn Connecticut politician would pick the METS instead of making a choice between the Yanks or the Sox." Toby rolled his eyes heavenward. 

"You know, Connecticut ought to just secede from New England altogether and throw themselves right into New York's hip pocket." Jed took a warm up shot and tossed the ball to Josh. 

"Hey, there are plenty of New England sports fans in Connecticut." Josh defended his home state. 

"Not the south. Maybe southern Connecticut should secede. It's a southern thing to do." 

"Hey," Will waded into the argument with frustration. " I thought we were here to shoot some hoops and talk about the negotiations." 

"California boy," Josh shook his head. "You wouldn't understand a rivalry if it came right up and bit you on the ass." Now the men had moved on from Josh to Will. Kate turned to Abbey with surprise and a sort of stunned awe. 

"Now you know why I don't play," Abbey said. She shook her head at the arguing men but secretly she enjoyed watching them. She loved men. She loved the boyish, competitive, testosterone-laced bickering and posturing. There was something so masculine about it, so different from the way females related to one another. And, she did love to watch Jed play basketball. While he had never been a superstar, he simply didn't have the height for that, he had been a damn good guard – quick and smart and with a great 3-point shot. As with everything he did in life, Jed had given basketball 110% effort spending hours making free throws and three-point shots to find his niche on the team. His hard work had paid off with a varsity letter in the sport and a Brewster Academy varsity jacket that still hung in his closet and that Abbey still liked to wear on occasion. His leadership qualities had also already been present on the court and by the time he was a senior, he had been chosen by his teammates to captain the team. True to his nature and his strong competitive will, Jed still gave it 110%. He played as if he were in the NBA play-offs, not just a pick up game among friends – stealing the ball for lay ups, keeping his elbows up for jabbing and making those 3-point shots he was so proud of. It was beautiful to watch him move with such smooth athleticism and while she had paperwork opened on her lap, she spent far more time watching her husband dribble down the court enjoying the way the running mussed his hair and the way sweat caused his T-shirt to cling to his broad chest. It was beautiful and extremely sexy and she was glad that she had her sunglasses on to hide the light of interest she knew would be so apparent for all to see. 

Although the game was very physical, the men were still able to keep up a conversation relating back to Jed where they had gotten in the negotiating process with Kate adding her two cents from the sideline. From the comments given, Abbey surmised that the two delegations were still having a hard time putting away past grievances and focusing what was on stake right here and right now. 

"Well, look at the bright side," she said. " Nobody shot anybody else the first day." 

With a jump and quick flick of his wrists, Jed tossed the basketball from the three- point line sinking the shot easily. 

"Nice shot," Will said with admiration. 

It was the final shot of the game. Jed called them all in and they circled around him as if he were their coach, and, like a good coach he began pumping them up and handing out assignments. "We start small," he said. "See if we can get an agreement on anything, no matter how inconsequential. Something we can build on. I'll continue to sit out so I can jump in later, but one small move is all we need to get things rolling. Thanks, guys." He clapped his hands as if breaking a football huddle. 

"Thank you, Mr. President." 

Kate hid her smile. She almost expected them to give each other high fives or the baseball world's smack on the rear. 

Toby, Will, Kate, and Charlie left the court while Jed moved to sit next to Abbey on the park bench. Josh approached the couple. 

"Sir, is there anything else I can do to help?" 

"Go with Toby and Will; I think they need some positive reinforcement." 

Aware of the political fall-out this could have, Josh voiced his concerns. "Sir, should we be here?" 

"Glad you're back, Josh." 

Josh knew a dismissal when he heard one. "Yes, sir." He left the court. 

Abbey watched the exchange with interest. She had, of course, noted that Leo had not accompanied them to Camp David but had assumed that it had something to do with military matters at the White House. However, seeing the staff's pessimism, she wondered if there wasn't more to it than that. 

"Jed, where is Leo?" she asked. 

"Back at the White House." 

Abbey flashed him a "don't take me for a moron look" and Jed sighed. "I asked him stay behind and take care of the bombing of the terrorist camps." 

"Well, they've been bombed. Why isn't he here?" 

"I think he's waiting for me to call him." 

"Why?" 

Jed was silent and bent to tie the lace on his sneaker. As Abbey watched him awaiting a response, it suddenly occurred to her why he wasn't here. 

"He thinks you don't want him here. And you don't, do you?" 

God, how the hell did she see through him so easily? Everyone else found him so hard to read, but to Abbey he was an open book. "It's not that I don't want him here. I feel like I can't have him here. At least not right now at the start of things. If Leo were prepared to be behind this and help me out, I'd want him here in a heartbeat. Leo can kick asses like no one else when it comes to the staff and he understands negotiation and compromise." 

"I sense a 'but' in there." 

"But he's not behind it. He's made that perfectly clear to me and to the staff and the Israeli ambassador. I'm not deaf or stupid, I know he isn't the only one who doesn't think this is going to work. I know Toby, Will and Josh aren't behind what we're doing here and I can't have Leo playing into that." 

"You think if Leo shows up they'll start looking to him for guidance instead of you?" 

Jed shrugged. "I don't know anymore. All I know is that I've got them in there working their butts off for negotiation whether they think it's going to work or not. They're doing their job. I can't have them being pulled this way and that way." 

"And you don't think Leo could do that. Why is he any different?" 

"It's not." 

"Jed." 

"It's not," he insisted. 

"Jed, it is." 

"Well, if you're so damn smart why don't you tell me!" 

"Don't you raise your voice to me. I'm not the enemy here." 

Jed was silent for a moment then hunched over elbows on his thighs before reaching out his hand to find Abbey's to squeeze it in apology. 

"Sorry. It's just...you're right it is different. Leo's my friend. After you he's my best friend, and I just wonder what the hell that I did to cause him to lose faith in me." 

"Jed." Abbey lifted his chin, saw the pain shining in his eyes. He had a tough thick skin, but she knew that while it looked like he had allowed the derision and the barbs to roll off his back, they had indeed found their marks, "You and Leo have disagreed about things before; you've argued." 

"Not like this. You didn't hear him, Abbey. You didn't hear how condescending he was. You didn't hear him telling me what I HAD to do, as if I was some kind of weak-assed dim wit. I'm not handling this the way that he wants and he isn't even attempting to see things from my perspective. He wants to be calling the shots on this one." 

"I imagine he does. Put yourself in his place. You are an intelligent man with a strong opinion on something. You are advising another strong willed man because you think what he is doing is wrong and that man is discounting your advice and doing what he wants anyway. Wouldn't that be frustrating to you? Wouldn't you be wanting to call the shots?" 

Jed leaned back on the bench crossing his arms over his chest. "I guess I would. But I hope that if I knew the man well, like Leo knows me, that I might give him the benefit of the doubt. I think I have a pretty good track record in the decision-making process." 

"Yes," she smiled, brushing a sweaty lock of hair back off his forehead, "you do. I'm not saying the way Leo treated you is right and personally I'm glad that you're the one calling the shots. I'm just saying you should be open to WHY he treated you that way, not just what he was doing or saying. He's in a tough spot, Jed. You're the boss; you get to make the decisions while he has to bang his head against the wall. For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. I think you are setting a better course for this nation than simply 'bombs away'. What exactly has that accomplished in the past? Only greater hatred and mistrust. It's the easy way out and you've never taken the easy way out of anything. Maybe it's time America has a president that doesn't take the easy way out." 

Jed took the fingers that were brushing across his forehead and kissed them. "It's worth an awful lot to me." 

**** 

With an afternoon of more negotiating under their belts, the staff met with Jed back at the cabin. Progress had been minimal. The men were still sticking to their guns, but Jed was hoping the personal meetings he would hold with each leader later that evening after the Shabbat dinner they had been invited to share with the Israeli delegation would make them more open to compromise. Jed was giving the staff their assignments for the evening when Leo entered the cabin. Jed saw him but they didn't have a chance to talk, as he had to rush off and get ready for the dinner. Instead, it was Josh and Toby who took Leo aside. 

"How's it going?" Leo asked. The silence from the two staff members told him all he needed to know. "Yeah." He'd known this was a waste of time. 

"You going to talk to him?" Toby asked. 

"Somebody better do something, or this time next week, it's going to be us who lose our right to return," Josh added. 

Leo nodded at the men and turned to leave for his cabin. He was tired and unsure of where to go at this point. He'd gone over the line with the President pushing him so hard that he finally pushed back – pushing him right out of the negotiations. He didn't want to do that again and yet the staff was looking at him to try to get through to Jed. It was a no-win situation and he was stuck smack in the middle. 

**** 

Abbey, Jed and the American delegation had been invited to a traditional Friday night Shabbat dinner with the Israeli delegation, hosted by Prime Minister Zahavy and his wife Maya. Abbey hadn't planned on bringing the children to the grown up affair but when Maya had mentioned her desire for them to join them, Abbey had jumped on it. While she and Jed were very devout Catholics, they had always encouraged their children to explore other religions and other cultures and this would be a wonderful experience for them to be a part of Jewish tradition. Her visions of a peaceful evening immersing her children in a culture not of their own were, however, shattered by one little thing – a yarmulke. 

"Why are you putting that thing on your head, Daddy?" Nicholas asked. 

"It's called a yarmulke." Jed tried to sit still while Abbey pinned the small skullcap on the back of his thick hair. "Jewish people men and boys wear them as a sign of respect when they are worshipping God." 

"What's Jewish?" 

"It's a religion. Like we're Catholics and we say grace before supper. This is a special sort of grace for the Jewish people and they want to share that with us." 

"We're gonna be Jewish?" Nicholas wasn't quite sure what that meant but figured he'd better find out what it might entail. 

"No, we're still Catholics. We're just invited to help them observe their own religious customs." 

Abbey finished with Jed and moved to get the yarmulke that Maya had provided for Nicholas as she had not been prepared for the young boy to attend the Shabbat dinner. 

"Can you put that on me, Mommy?" Aislinn got up off her Sit 'n Spin to make her way over to her mother. 

"No, honey. Girls don't have to wear yarmulkes." 

"But I want to." The little girl's bottom lip began to jut out dangerously and Abbey braced herself. 

"Well, you can't. I'm not wearing one. Only Daddy and Nicky have to wear them." 

"I WANNA BE JEWISH TOO!" Aislinn tried to grab the yarmulke from Abbey's hand. 

"Aislinn Faith, that's ENOUGH." 

"I want a kamulke too!" In a fit of frustrated anger, she picked up a throw pillow and threw it knocking a lamp over. Luckily for her, it landed on the couch and not the floor. 

"Okay, young lady. That's enough." Abbey threw Nicky's yarmulke down on the table and moved to take her daughter by the arm. "You need a time out." 

"I don't want a time out!" she wailed. 

"You should have thought of that before you threw that pillow. It is NOT acceptable to throw things when you are angry. You almost broke a lamp." 

"MOMMY, don't put me in TIME OUT!" Aislinn cried and kicked her feet out at her mother. Abbey ignored her struggles and firmly placed her in the small chair used for discipline then grabbed the egg timer that was sitting on the table beside the chair, spinning it to the right time. 

"You will not get up out of that chair until this buzzer goes off. You have three minutes to calm down and apologize or you will not be coming to the Shabbat dinner with us." 

"Daddy!" Aislinn changed her tactics turning her tear-streaked face to her easier to sway father. "Mommy's being mean to me." 

Jed steeled himself against that face. He knew he was an easy mark and he'd had to fight that all his life when it came to his little girls, but a united front was needed here. 

"Your mother is not being mean to you. You did something wrong and you need to learn not to do it again." Inside he winced, he knew the temper was inherited and from whom she had gotten it. He just wished that he'd gotten time outs as a child when his temper had gotten the better of him rather than the smacks that still haunted him at times. 

"Daddy, why can't Azleen wear a y...y–" 

"Yarmulke." Jed supplied as he worked at attaching the oversized skullcap on his son's hair. Meant for an adult, it covered almost his entire head. 

"Yarmulke." 

Jed shrugged, but his heart ached for his slighted little girl crying in her time out chair. "That's just the way it is, buddy. Sometimes there are different rules for boys and girls." 

"And sometimes it really isn't fair," Abbey said softly to Jed. "She just wants to be special too. She doesn't understand. She thinks Nicky is getting something special that she isn't getting." 

"I know." 

"But that doesn't justify her little temper tantrum. I couldn't let her get away with throwing the pillow at the lamp." 

"Yeah." 

Abbey turned with irritation. "For a verbose man, you sure don't have a lot to say." 

"I'm agreeing with you. You were right to punish her, but you were also right when you said she just doesn't understand." 

"Well, it's up to us to help her to understand." 

"Daddy. I don't wanna wear this," Nicholas whined. "Can I wear my baseball hat?" 

"May I," Jed corrected. "And no you may not." 

"But I don't like it. It's pulling my hair." He tugged at the offending headgear. 

Abbey sighed. Suddenly the wonderful experience she was hoping her children would have at the Shabbat dinner was not looking like it was going to happen at all. "Who's bright idea was it to bring them to this dinner anyway?" 

"I believe that was all yours, toots." 

"I was afraid of that." 

**** 

Bright idea or not, all four Bartlets arrived at Birch Lodge only a few minutes late. Nicholas still wore his yarmulke, which Abbey had re-pinned so it wasn't pulling his hair and a contrite Aislinn clung to her mother's hand. 

"I'm wearing a kamika like my daddy," Nicholas told their hostess. "'Cause he said I'm a man and all us men have to wear them." 

"That's right." Maya smiled down at the little boy with the adult sized yarmulke covering almost his entire golden head. She then gazed up at Abbey with a concerned look when she saw Aislinn's mottled red face and bloodshot sea colored eyes. 

"Somebody was a bit upset that her little brother got to wear a yarmulke and she didn't," Abbey explained. "She feels left out." 

"I should have thought," Maya nodded. "Come with me. I think I have something that might make her feel better." 

When Aislinn re-entered the room, she was smiling brightly, her blond curls covered by a lacy handkerchief that Mrs. Zahavy told her some women wore at a Shabbat dinner. Abbey smiled as she watched her daughter race over to her father and brother to show off her own special head covering. 

"Thank you, Maya," she said. "You made her night." 

"If only all our problems were so easily solved." Maya's gaze fell on her husband and his advisors and Abbey knew that Eli had been relaying the same lack of progress to Maya that Jed had been relaying to her. 

Abbey and Jed had both been to Shabbat meals before, at the home of friends, but this was different...special. Abbey hoped that her children, seated between her and Jed, would remember this formal Shabbat supper they were sharing with the Prime Minister of Israel while he worked toward peace in the Middle East with their father. She was thankful that the formality and strangeness of the evening had kept the twins in a bubble of unfamiliarity that caused them to remain quiet and well behaved. They were, however, not merely observers. They were both curious, intelligent children and they were interested and engaged in the religious rituals as they were explained to them. 

"I lit the candles to push away the darkness and welcome the divine light of God," Maya told them along with any other Christians in the delegation that did not understand the symbolism. "There are two candles because you need one for remembering and one for observing." 

Then, when Eli Zahavy began praying over the challah bread and wine and the children were confused by his foreign language, Jed explained to them that it was Hebrew, the language of Jesus. When he was finished, Eli recited the prayers again in English for the children. For Abbey and Jed and their children, raised in a religion that valued its own formal rituals, symbols and customs, the evening – while different in many ways – had a reverence and sameness to it. 

The evening was a success; the delegates enjoying a good meal together and getting the chance to converse about things that weren't completely political. But that feeling of goodwill disappeared for Abbey the moment the guests dispersed from the dinner. Izzy had come for the twins and Jed was meeting privately with Eli, so she decided to go outside and get some fresh air. Once on the patio, she overheard a conversation she wished she had not been privy to. 

"This is utter nonsense." Josh, a two-day a year Jew, was filled with the angst of his people against the Palestinians after the traditional religious meal. "What we're doing here is a waste of time." 

"I'm not sure why the President can't see that," Will agreed. 

"Well, Leo's here now. He'll talk to him." 

"I hope so. Mister 'Share-your-gum-with-everyone' over here is going to..." 

"Just who the HELL do you think you're talking about?" Abbey's blood had begun to heat with the word nonsense but burned into fire with Will's last statement. 

Will and Josh turned quickly to find themselves confronted with the furious First Lady, green eyes shooting sparks of fire. "Ma'am," Will started. 

"Don't 'ma'am' me," she seethed. "Now if you're both so short sighted that you see peace talks as nonsense that's your own problem and you can each deal with that with your own conscience. But don't you dare disrespect the President of the United States." 

"Ma'am, I wasn't..." 

"Weren't you?" The iciness in Abbey's tone was enough to give Will frostbite. "Or do you always use the term 'Mister share your gum with everyone' as a term of respect for your BOSS, for the leader of the free world, for a man who has earned and deserves your respect? Good lord, Will Bailey, you work for Bob Russell. How can you stand there so holier than thou and put down a man with a once in a lifetime kind of brain and heart with such disdain. You don't believe in these talks? Fine. Everyone has a right to their own opinion, but don't you dare let me or anyone else EVER hear you speaking about the President the way you did just now. You serve at HIS pleasure and don't you EVER forget that." Abbey turned and stormed off down the trail toward the Aspen Lodge needing to let off a little more steam. 

"Whoa, I've never seen her so pissed," Will shook his head with awe. "That is one fiery woman." 

"Yeah she is. But I've seen her that pissed." Josh was feeling slightly ashamed. "She can be one fierce lioness when it comes to the President and her kids. You don't mess with them." 

"I guess not." 

Behind the row of hedges, Leo thoughtfully moved away toward his own cabin. Was that the way he had sounded to Jed? Had his voice held that kind of contempt and derision? Abbey had been right to call Will on his disrespect; he was only glad that she had hadn't heard some of the things that he had said to Jed or the way he had said them. Pausing on the bridge that crossed the creek and led to his cabin, he promised himself that it would be different now. That he would be different and respond differently. Abbey was right, whatever his feelings on the subject, it simply wasn't right for him to show disrespect to the President. There had to be another way to get his point across. 


	10. Altered Lives

"Farad's going to hate it, Zahavy's going to hate it even more." The staff was all together brainstorming different ideas to work out compromises. 

"Do you have a better idea?" Kate asked. 

"Yeah: wait till they die," Josh cynically stated. "I'll be free the whole millennium." 

"Two old paleo-nationalists who have been clawing each other's eyes out for fifty years; they don't want to deal. What are they going to do for fun? Swap recipes for Matzapri? They're still living so far in the past they can't even see the future." 

"Then it's up to us to force them to face the future. The President sees the future; he's the one forward-looking leader we have here and..." Kate trailed off as Leo entered the cabin. He looked exhausted, his craggy face even more strongly lined and ashen gray with fatigue. 

"How's it coming?" he asked. 

"Are you alright? You're looking a little bit..." 

Leo brushed off Josh's concern. "Those left-over taquitos Will found in here last night. Anybody got an antacid, or maybe an aunt who knows how to cook?" 

Toby tossed him a bottle of antacid tablets. "Keep 'em. I got more back in the room." 

"So, where are we?" Leo crunched on a tablet and surveyed the room. 

"Kate has an idea on security," Josh told him. 

Kate turned to the President's Chief of Staff a little unsure of what to expect from the man. "The Israelis pull out of the West Bank but get to keep troops in fixed positions for three or four years. After that, they fall back to Israel but get to keep some sort of early warning post for monitoring." She finished, almost holding her breath waiting for Leo's response. It was no secret that he'd been against anything to do with the peace talks and she waited for him to shoot down what she'd just proposed. 

"Okay," Leo nodded. 

"Excuse me?" Kate couldn't hide her surprise. Leo didn't blame her. He knew he'd been less than stellar in his support for the negotiations but after hearing Josh and Will last night and realizing how he might have come off he'd vowed to start doing things a little differently. 

"I said okay." 

"Where were you for the last three hours?" 

Leo didn't want to think where he'd been. He'd been sleeping. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept for more than four or five hours and certainly not the last time he'd slept past 7 a.m. There were times that Jed slept in, but then he had a reason, a certain gorgeous redhead that shared his bed, but Leo had nothing to keep him lazing the morning away. Today had been different. He'd awakened well after the sun had risen feeling even more tired than when he'd gone to bed. Closing his eyes for another hour had not done any good and he'd finally gotten out of bed still exhausted and feeling weak and rather nauseous. He was probably coming down with something. 

"Let's take it out for a walk," Leo suggested. 

"Walking a dog is a perfect analogy." 

"Toby's not a fan," Kate informed him. 

"Well, Zahavy may go for it, but every time we get close to anywhere, Massar jumps in." 

"The Defense Minister?" 

"Sir, Mrs. Bartlet gave us some information that might help." Kate was encouraged by Leo's new openness. 

"What does Abbey Bartlet know about international negotiations," Josh snorted derisively. 

Leo shot Josh a look that would have quelled any man or woman and Kate added her own glare of disdain. 

"I just meant that she's a doctor," Josh sheepishly defended himself. "This isn't exactly her field of expertise." 

Kate ignored Josh and turned back to Leo. "Mrs. Bartlet said that Maya Zahavy told her if the talks stalled to try to get the Prime Minister alone. That he would be more open than Massar." 

"Makes sense," Leo nodded. "You gotta split em' up." 

"How are we supposed to do that? Toby asked. 

Leo's phone began ringing and he pulled it out of his jacket pocket. "I don't know," he said. "You'll think of something." He put the phone to his ear and walked away. 

**** 

Finally a bit of good news came Jed's way. By getting Massar out of the room, Josh, Will and Kate had been able to convince the Prime Minister to a gradual withdrawal in four years from the West Bank. It was a start, the first chink the armor and it bolstered Jed tremendously. 

"Now, where are we on right of return?" he asked. 

"Israelis won't do an unlimited right. Farad is standing on principle." 

"I can work on him," Kate offered. "I think he likes me." 

"Josh, Will, get back in with Zahavy before Toby has to start feeding the clay pigeons and get him to commit on security. OK, let's go." 

They walked off and Jed got to his feet. Leo stood too, waiting to talk to Jed. 

"We may just have our tennis match," Jed said to him. 

Leo's silence on the subject was deafening. 

"You don't think so?" Jed asked. 

"We haven't got to the tough part." 

Jed sighed. Why did Leo have to be so negative? Why couldn't he see that progress was made in baby steps forward rather than giant leaps ahead? "We're making progress." he reminded him. 

"Yes, sir, you are, and that's laudable." 

"Laudable?" Jed was both angry and hurt. They were busting their asses here and finally making progress and Leo's response was to pat him on the head, placating him as if he were a good little boy. "You make it sound like an honorarium from some two-bit chiropractic college in Arizona." 

"When are you planning to discuss Jerusalem?" 

"That'll be the last thing." 

"Because it's the only thing that..." 

"Damn it, don't you think I know that?" Jed was both frustrated and irritated which was not a good combination. Did Leo really think that he didn't know that Jerusalem was going to make or break these talks? He knew that very well indeed, just as he knew that all this groundwork might be for nothing. But he also knew that they needed to make a start. The two leaders needed to prove to each other that they were willing to compromise and work things out BEFORE they got to Jerusalem. He knew that all of this could blow up in his face and he didn't need a man who hadn't believed in any of it at any point throwing that in his face. 

Leo was again silent. A day ago he would have pushed Jed, but he could tell from the look on Jed's face and from the tone of his voice that he'd pushed the man about as far as he could. So instead of deriding him or giving him ultimatums he simply stated, "I'll go see if I can get Galit to give us a number on compensation." 

"You know, Leo," Jed said more softly now. "There is never failure in trying. The only failure would have been in not to try." 

Leo nodded, and the two departed the terrace going their separate ways. 

**** 

"Look, Daddy, I got a pea in my nose." Nicholas turned to his father having indeed shoved one of the peas from the chicken potpie he was having for lunch into his nostril. 

"Nicholas, you don't put food in your nose. You don't put anything in your nose." He tried to extract the pea but his fingers were too big and Nicky's nostril too small. "Oh this is terrific," he muttered to himself. He then pressed a finger against the other side of Nicky's nose and asked him to blow but the pea did not budge. 

"Time to bring in reinforcements. Abbey!" He called out across the large dining room to where Abbey and Aislinn were getting cartons of milk to go with their lunch trays. Abbey turned with a puzzled frown and she and Aislinn made their way back to the table with the milk and straws for all of them. Aislinn started to giggle when she saw the pea up her brother's nose, which got Nicholas giggling too. Abbey was decidedly NOT giggling. Even her smaller fingers were unable to remove the pea. 

"Jed, hand me my purse." She still held her son's jaw in her hand and was looking up his nose hoping to take out the pea without mashing it up so that it got into his sinus cavity. Jed handed her the purse and she dug out her reading glasses and a pair of tweezers. 

"Good thing you carry everything but the kitchen sink in there," Jed teased. Abbey sent him a lifted brow. 

"Self preservation," she reminded him then turned her attention back to her son. "Nicholas, stop laughing and wiggling, I don't want to poke you." 

Seeing the tweezers headed toward his nose sobered Nicholas up immediately and he closed his eyes. 

With her glasses perched on the end of her nose and Aislinn right against her arm watching with big eyes, Abbey's surgeon's steady hand was able to extract not one but two peas, whole. The whole table of delegates gave her a cheer to which she bowed modestly with a smile. 

"Now," she turned back to Nicholas with a stern look. "No more food up your nose. Food is for eating not playing." 

"I'm not sure I want to know what she's talking about," Toby said as he and Will approached the table catching Abbey's admonition to her son. 

"What's up, Toby?" Jed placed a straw in Nicky's milk carton then got to his feet. 

"Kate got Farad on right of return." 

Abbey turned from cutting up Aislinn's potpie crust to give Jed an encouraging smile he acknowledged with a quick light to his eyes. She reached out a hand and squeezed his. "Go get 'em, babe." 

He nodded and left the dining cabin. 

**** 

"You got Farad to go along on right of return?" Josh joined Kate, Jed, Toby and Will in front of the chairman's cabin. 

"I think it's doable." 

"I'm taking her with me the next time I buy a car," Will said. 

"That leaves us with the big one." 

"So, who goes in?" Josh asked. Everyone's eyes moved around the group. 

"I do," Jed said. Now was the time for him to take the lead. These peace talks were his idea and they would succeed or fail on his shoulders. And if it was to be failure then that would fall on him and not on his staff. That staff watched the President stride off into the cabin with both trepidation and admiration. 

**** 

"He's not going to do it. Farad's elevated being a victim into an art form." Tossing the football to Toby while they waited for the outcome of the President's meeting, Josh could see that Toby wasn't buying it. "What?" 

"Nothing." Toby tossed the ball back to Josh. 

"Come on, you're not starting to buy what he's selling, too? He's a terrorist." 

"With some legitimate grievances." Even if the peace talks failed, Toby knew he would take something from them. As strongly pro-Israel as he was, he had never been able to see the Palestinian side of things. His approach to issues in the area had always been from an Israeli point of view and he'd never been able to divorce himself from that and from the deep held belief that Palestinians were the enemy. But now he'd met with Palestinians, LISTENED to Palestinians and he knew that there was a large gray area that needed to be addressed. Never again would he look at a situation in Israel with blinders on. 

"Please." Josh was disdainful and that irritated Toby. 

"What, now suddenly you're Jewish? I don't remember seeing you at temple." Toby was just as disdainful. Josh could forget for months on end that he even WAS Jewish, but he was very good at pulling out the Jew card when needs be. 

"1938, millions of men, women, and children running for their lives from gas chambers tried to seek refuge in any country that would take them; no one would, not even America." 

"So they settle in the middle of a region that still believes in public stonings and harems? The Palestinians are the Jews of the Arab world." 

Josh was flabbergasted that Toby could be actually defending Palestinians. "Even with the bombs, Israel is the one place it's okay to be Jewish." 

"And here," Toby reminded him. 

"German Jews in the '20s were mighty comfortable." 

"Well, this isn't Germany. This is America." 

"Home of the KKK." 

"Where you and I work in the White House to make sure the Justice department rips their Jew-hating hoods off. We work for the President of the United States. We..." Toby trailed off as Will approached. 

"Bartlet got Farad," he said. 

Toby and Josh eyed him with astonishment. Neither had believed there was even the most remote chance that the Chairman would cave. Toby tossed the football on the ground and approached Will. 

"The President got Farad." 

"That's what I said." 

"No, you said 'Bartlet got Farad'. We don't refer to him that way. He is 'the President' when we agree with him AND when we disagree with him." Toby strode off toward the cabin leaving a chagrined Will and Josh to follow. 

**** 

"You got Farad?" Toby found Jed seated on the terrace at Aspen quickly penciling some last minute notes before his meeting with Prime Minister Zahavy. 

"How 'bout that?" Jed grinned. 

"How did you do it?" 

"I asked him if he really wanted to see his people oppressed for another generation and I reminded him that there isn't a single member of his delegation who doesn't think turning down the offer of a Palestinian homeland in 1947 was lunacy and a colossal mistake. I asked him not to make the same mistake. He also knows damn well that I've done more than anyone in my seat to try to be fair to the Palestinian cause and we have an election coming up in a couple of years. I let him know that it would behoove him to move now because my successor might not be quite so sympathetic. Haffley actually helped us out with that. All that posturing on the news and taking a hard line against the talks and against Palestine got the Chairman thinking about who might be sitting in my chair next." 

"I'll be sure to let him know what a great help that he was to us." What passed for a smile curved wryly on Toby's lips. 

"I thought you might. Farad knows the time to deal is now. Now, if only I can get Eli to see things the same way." 

**** 

A half-hour later Jed and Prime Minister Zahavy were walking along a path through the woods. Jed was explaining to him the deal he had worked out with Chairman Farad. 

"The general principle would be that Arab areas are Palestinian and Jewish areas are Israeli; Israeli sovereignty over the Western Wall, Palestinian sovereignty over the Haram. There would have to be a firm commitment from both parties not to excavate under the Haram or behind the wall, of course." 

Eli turned to look at the President. Jed Bartlet was a good man and he had been a good friend to Israel over the years but he was not an Israeli. He could never truly understand the fear of his people – people who had for centuries been pushed out of every country they tried to settle in, people who only 65 years ago had been under a threat of annihilation. To give an inch was too much to ask. 

"You have kept us here for five days, negotiating little things we didn't want to do but we have tried, struggled to find a common ground because we value your friendship and that of the United States; but I have taken a solemn oath before God and my people not to give up Jerusalem. I told that on the first day. I told you." 

"Eli, you're not giving it up. I'd never ask that of you. I'm asking you to share..." 

Eli grew angry. He would not share – not with Palestinians. "You continue to talk and to talk; you have not been listening. Mr. President. My right eye will fall out, my right arm will fall off before I ever sign a document giving up Jerusalem." 

"Mr. Prime Minister, please listen." Jed knew then that he'd lost him. Lost him to a hatred that went far deeper than even he had expected. 

"No, there have been enough thoughts, Mr. President. We are going home. Thank you." He turned and left for his cabin. 

Jed stayed on the bridge staring out over the rollicking creek. The optimism he'd been filled with only an hour ago had just been destroyed. The talks were over. All that he'd worked for, all that he'd hoped for, over in the blink of an eye. He'd done his best and come up short. It was over. 

"So that's it you're just going to quit." 

Jed turned quickly the sound of Mrs. Landingham's voice so clear and so sharp that for a moment he thought he'd find her standing right behind him. 

"What else am I supposed to do? I gave it my best." Jed felt ridiculous standing in the middle of the woods talking to a ghost. 

"Yes, you did. But is that all you've got? What did you always tell your girls growing up? You give it your best..." 

"And then you try again," he finished. 

"So, now it looks like you need to try again." 

"He's leaving." 

"You're the President of the United States, Jed. Use your clout." 

Jed grinned, Mrs. L always did tell it like it was. "I could probably get State to figure something out to keep him here." 

"You're not a quitter, Jed. You never have been." 

"'Can't' never did anything." 

"You're quoting your father now?" Mrs. L asked with surprise. 

"I'm in therapy." 

"I've seen. How's that working out for you?" 

"I'm quoting my father." 

"That's progress. Life is too short to dwell on the negative, even for someone with as much a right to dwell as you." 

In spite of his therapy, Jed was still not comfortable discussing his complicated relationship with his father. "I guess I better gather up the staff and get our heads back in the game if we're going to come up with some new ideas." 

"That's more like it. When the going gets tough..." 

"The tough get going. You haven't used that little cliché on me since I was sixteen." 

"I haven't needed it until now. Now, scram get your staff together." 

"WAIT!" Jed felt a lump form in his throat. He wasn't ready to let her go yet. 

Mrs. Landingham's tone softened. "I can't wait. I have to go. It's been so good seeing you, Jed." 

"I miss you." There was a wealth of pain in those three simple words. 

"I'm always here. Talk to me once in a while," she turned then tossed back over her shoulder, "and not just at the cemetery." 

Then just like that she was gone. Jed knew he should feel a sense of loss and in a way he did, but more than that, Mrs. L had just given him his optimism back. 

**** 

With night descending over Camp David, Jed had his entire staff gathered in Aspen Lodge for a brainstorming session. Abbey joined them after she put the twins down to bed but it was obvious that things were not going well. Nobody could seem to come up with any new ideas that might change the Prime Minister's mind but they had indeed gotten his departure halted by getting the State Department to say the state police needed ten hours to secure the road. They had their reprieve but it became increasingly apparent to Jed that nothing short of a miracle was going to bring Eli back to the table and they seemed to be all out of those. Defeated, he finally made the decision to end what many of his staff had wanted ended days ago. 

"Call CJ. Tell her there'll be an announcement in the morning." 

Abbey swallowed tightly and she wrung her hands together. It hurt her terribly to know just how much this was costing Jed. How much he had invested personally in these talks and how devastating the failure was going to be to him. 

"Yeah," Toby sighed. For a brief time there even he had begun to believe. 

"Have you started working on a statement?" Jed knew it was probably a foolish question. Nobody sitting with him at that moment except Kate and Abbey had ever believed the talks might work. He figured that Toby had been working on a statement of failure from the moment Marine One had touched down at Camp David. 

"'A cycle that cannot be broken overnight', 'A step toward...', insert your favorite platitude here." 

"All right, everyone, let's get a good night's sleep." Jed stood to clear the room. He needed to be alone to try to process what had happened today, all the ups and downs and where he would go from here. 

"Thank you, Mr. President. Good night." 

As everyone else departed the cabin, Leo walked over to Jed. He could already see how heavy this was weighing on his friend's shoulders. He wanted to make him feel better. 

"I'll have CJ work on some post-mortems, get our side of the story out; maybe a one-on-one with _Time_ or _Newsweek_." It was the wrong thing to say. Leo saw that right away. Jed didn't need to be reminded at this moment of all he had been unable to accomplish and jumping right on that had only succeeded in pushing him further away. Jed had honestly believed that he could make this peace summit work and he knew what a blow it was to him that they had not. He needed to give him a little space. 

"They weren't ready," he added sympathetically. "Goodnight, Mr. President." 

With her heart breaking, Abbey watched Jed move to the chair and sit heavily leaning forward to stare ahead into the fireplace lost in thought and defeat. Tears burned in her eyes as she sat on the arm of the chair and wrapped her arms around him from behind to kiss the back of his head. She wanted so badly to take away his pain. Please God, she silently prayed, let me think of the right words to comfort him. Gently she rubbed his back in a circular motion and her chin rested on his shoulder. 

"You did the best you could, babe." 

"Well, I guess my best wasn't good enough." 

"Jed, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You saw a chance for peace and you took it. You're to be commended." 

Jed gave a cynical snort. "I doubt that's what the headlines are going to be saying tomorrow." 

"Is that why you did this? For the headlines?" 

"Of course not. If I'd wanted the media on my side I'd have just bombed the hell out of Gaza." 

"Earlier you said that there would be no failure here." Abbey got off the arm of the chair and moved to sit on his lap, her fingertips stroking over his brow. "That the only failure would have been in not trying. That's your headline tomorrow. That's what CJ tells the press. Don't apologize; don't ever apologize for this. You got them so close." 

"And that's what's so fucking FRUSTRATING. We got EVERYTHING, Abbey. We were able to work through every damn problem on the list and if it weren't for Eli being so goddamned STUBBORN, we would have had it all. It was right there in our grasp. And, now we're going to go back to business as usual. The Palestinians sending suicide bombers into Israel and Israel firing missiles back at them and the Arab world hating us because we'll be right there talking about Israel's right to defend itself." 

"He's an old man, Jed. He's living in another century and bringing all those hatreds with him into this one. Even you can't perform miracles." 

His gaze moved from the fireplace to Abbey's lovely face, his eyes meeting hers and seeing his own pain mirrored there. He gave her a sad little smile that tore at her already ravaged heart. "Do you still like watching me try?" he asked. 

She smiled back at him through her tears and traced a fingertip over his full lower lip. When she spoke her voice caught with emotion. "Oh, baby, don't you know I'll always love watching you try." She kissed him then, sweetly, gently, then rested her cheek against his chest. "Now, come on, you're going to have a long day ahead of you. Let's go get ready for bed." 

They had barely climbed into bed when there was a knock on their cabin door. It took a moment for Abbey to remember she actually had to answer the knock. Camp David was one of the few places, like the farm, where the Secret Service didn't guard every doorway and announce arrivals. It was completely secured on the perimeters. Jed was a few steps ahead of her as they reached the door but he paused as he reached for the knob waiting an extra moment for Abbey to finish belting her silk robe over her equally silky nightgown. He opened the door and was confronted by four members of his senior staff. 

"What's up?" 

Ignoring any polite niceties, Kate started right in. "After the Six-day War, the Israelis offered to give the U.N. diplomatic status and immunities in the holy sights in Jerusalem. If they were willing to do it in '67, why not now? They give the Muslim holy sights the status of diplomatic missions. The Israelis can keep all the sovereignty the want; they still can't enter without permission from the Palestinians." 

"So the Palestinians would have a sovereign-like state that was inviolable like a foreign embassy," Jed liked what he was hearing. 

"The Palestinians will love it because it gives them the same custodial status over the Haram like the Saudis have over sights like Mecca and Medina. There's only one catch. When the Israelis offered it the first time, they wanted peacekeepers as part of the deal, in Jerusalem and throughout the West Bank." 

"The U.N. will cough up peacekeepers if it will solve the Middle-East crisis," Abbey said. 

"It can't be the U.N." Toby reminded them. "U.N. peacekeepers have no credibility with the Israelis. They let Egypt attack Israel through the Sinai in '67. It's going to have to be us." 

"How many troops?" Josh asked. 

"The Israelis have around twenty thousand in the West Bank and Gaza." 

"The Europeans will probably pitch in, maybe contribute ten percent." 

"Eighteen thousand American troops patrolling the PLO's backyard." Josh couldn't believe they were all actually contemplating this, even Toby and Will seemed won over. "Where the hell is Leo?" 

**** 

Leo was still struggling to wake up having been woken from a sound sleep by Will's phone call. He pressed the palm of his hand into his chest trying to alleviate the burning sensation as he plodded toward the bathroom. He popped a couple more antacids from the bottle he had sitting on his sink then splashed cold water on his face to clear his head. He hadn't felt this bad since his drinking days. It took all his energy to throw on some clothes and he had to sit on the edge of his bed to catch his breath once he was dressed, his palm again going to his chest to ease the tightness. After a couple of minutes, he felt a little better and made his way over to Aspen where Jed, Abbey and the staff were seated in front of the fireplace discussing what sounded like a potential new plan. 

"How are the other Arab nations going to feel about this?" Will asked. 

"The King of Jordan will put up with some new neighbors. It'll give him peace and quiet in his own backyard," Abbey said. 

"Do we really think that people in the West Bank are just going to roll out the welcome mat for G.I. Joe when he climbs out of his Humvee in Ramallah?" Josh asked. 

"Well, if we're going to stay up all night, I'm going to order some coffee." Abbey left the room to make a call for the coffee. 

"What are we talking about?" Leo asked. 

"About putting an American peacekeeping force in the territories," Will told him. 

"And we think that's a good idea?" Leo was skeptical. 

"Some of us do." Josh pointedly looked at the rest of the room. 

"The Palestinians want the Israelis out of the territories and the Israelis don't want to leave the Palestinians there alone," Kate explained. "We need an outside force to secure the borders, to ensure a smooth transition." 

"You think Congress is going to authorize that?" 

"They've been asking for a show of force." 

"We'd be throwing ourselves into a conflict we don't understand and give religious fanatics even more to scream about. Not to mention political capital, economic costs." 

"Not exactly," Jed said. "This time we'd be there at the bequest of the Palestinians AND the Israelis; and for the first time, the Palestinians would see us doing something to actively help them. Look, I know it shouldn't be our job, but no one else can do it." 

"Can I speak to you privately for a moment?" Leo asked. 

Jed got to his feet and the two of them stepped just outside the cabin. 

"I can't support this decision. For a short period we may be welcome, but what happens when we have to start kicking in doors, declare martial law?" 

"Once they establish a rule of law and their economy settles down, they'll be fine." 

"This isn't a romp in the desert; you're committing American lives to something that may go on for decades!" 

"How are we not involved now! A few days ago you were telling me we don't always get to know how it ends!" Jed took a deep breath and leaned against the rail trying to keep his temper from taking control. But, he was tired of it. Tired of the negativity, tired of the changing rules when it came to doing what Leo wanted to do as opposed to what he wanted to do, tired of not having his Chief of Staff backing him up and helping him. They had to clear the air if they were going to be able to move forward. 

"We can't keep having this argument," he said quietly. 

"No, sir, we can't." It was over. Leo knew it. It wasn't helping Jed or his presidency to be in constant battle. 

Jed was relieved to hear him say it. At least they were on the same wavelength. 

"My counsel is no longer of use to you. Perhaps it's time... " 

Jed stared at him in disbelief. Same wavelength be damned! Leo was still handing out ultimatums to him. Nothing had changed. 

"So, if I disagree with your advice you have to threaten me." There he'd finally said it. 

"This is your own League of Nations. And it'll ruin you like it ruined Wilson." 

Jed felt the sting all the way to his core. Leo really believed that he hadn't thought all of this through. He had lost faith in him. He was ready to cut his losses and walk. Well, he wasn't going to beg him to stay. They were both right; they couldn't continue to work this way, and if Leo believed that strongly that he couldn't support this decision – couldn't support HIM – then he had to let him go and follow his own conscience. 

"Okay. I'll need your successor in place before you leave." 

Now it was Leo's turn to stare in disbelief. Looking into Jed's face, he saw for perhaps the first time just how much Jed had grown in his role as president. He was confident enough now to go it on his own. He didn't need him anymore. 

"I'll get you some names," he finally said. 

Jed nodded and turned to head back into the cabin. 

**** 

A few hours later, Abbey gave one last check on the twins then joined Jed in the bedroom. She found him seated upright against the pillows lost in thought. A puzzled frown crossed her delicate brow. Jed had not seemed the same since he had come back inside after talking to Leo. She slipped into bed beside him and curled up to his side. 

"What's the matter, baby?" She kissed his forearm. "Coffee keeping you awake?" 

"No." 

"You don't think Eli will accept the plan?" 

"I know he will," Jed said firmly. "I'm not letting him walk on this one." 

"Then why the long face? You should be happy. You did it, Jed." 

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, there's just a lot on my mind." He wasn't ready yet to tell her about Leo. It was still rather unreal to him. 

"I can see that." She slipped her hand under his T-shirt and began rubbing her palm over his warm chest. "Have I told you yet just how proud I am of you?" 

Jed smiled and kissed the top of her head. She was a soothing balm. "I don't believe that you have." 

"Would you rather I tell you or show you?" 

Jed chuckled, his chest vibrating under Abbey's cheek. "That's an absurd question. You know my motto in bed." 

Now it was Abbey's turn to chuckle. "Actions speak louder than words." She lifted his T-shirt higher, her lips trailing over his belly, her tongue teasing his navel as her hand slipped into the front of his sweatpants. She found him soft and sweet and just starting to twitch to life. 

"Mmm..." he gave a soft moan. "Your actions are speaking plenty loud, Mrs. B." 

"Like that, do you?" 

"Can't you tell?" 

Abbey smiled slyly. Jed was swelling and growing with each stroke of her hand over his satiny shaft. She loved the feel of the blood rushing and filling and pulsing under her hand, turning him to velvet steel as his desire for her grew. She bent and kissed his nipple. "I can tell." 

Jed shucked himself out of his sweatpants then rolled to his side. He bunched Abbey's nightgown up in his hand, lifting it up over the curve of her hip, stroking the length of silky thigh he'd bared. Abbey kissed him deeply, her tongue stroking his moaning against his mouth as his fingers teased the soft curls between her thighs then slid deep into the moist folds. 

"Mmm...so beautiful...so slippery... so hot." Jed lost himself in the passionate call of her body, in the sweet succor she offered to him. He felt her hips begin to rock gently against his fingers as he found the perfect rhythm that made her body hum with aching, rising need. Her breath came in soft pants against his mouth. 

Abbey knew she couldn't stand it much longer; she needed the aching void within her filled as only Jed could fill her. She curled her knee up and lifted her thigh over his to align their hips. Gently, she guided him to her entrance and with his hands covering her buttocks, he pulled her fully against him filling her, stretching her, her warm wet body enclosing him like a velvet glove. 

"God, I love you." Jed cupped his hand over Abbey's cheek. She smiled and took that hand kissing it then trailed her tongue erotically over his palm. 

"I love you more." 

With one twist of her hips, careful to keep him fully inside her Abbey rolled him onto his back and rose up over him. She was beautiful and wanton. Her emerald green silk nightgown was rucked up over her slender hips; the space where their bodies were joined a hidden mystery. Her aroused nipples were jutting out against the silk and one sexy spaghetti strap dangled down her arm. Her face was flushed, her eyes – the color of the softest moss – were slumberous with desire and her lips were swollen from his kisses. Her fiery hair tumbled in disarray over her shoulders and when she bent to kiss him, it enveloped him in the sweet scent of apple blossoms which competed with the musky scent of their lovemaking. Slowly, she moved her hips upon him, taking him in a series of shallow thrusts that had him groaning with frustration. Only when he firmly grasped her hips in his strong hands did she allow him to penetrate all the way to her core in a move that caused her to groan right along with him. For the next few minutes as they strained together – touching, caressing, and kissing the breath out of each other – Jed was able to lose himself in wife's arms. Nothing mattered right now but this, this love, this need. All the frustration, all the stress, all the disappointment and heartache were released and accepted into his wife's loving body as they both rose to climaxes that had them crying out into each other's mouths so they wouldn't wake their sleeping children next door. 

When it was over, they lay clinging to each other – sweat drying on their skin, chests rising and falling as they fought to catch their breath. Jed's fingers continued to dance along Abbey's spine over the silk of her nightgown feeling her shiver with pleasure against him. He had found escape and relief in her love and belief in him. She had given him the peace to think clearly, to see what was important to him personally. His wife, his children, his friends. As he drifted off to sleep with Abbey snuggled tightly against him, he knew that he would not accept the names that Leo gave him. When the peace accord was signed and things were back to normal, they would talk it out and figure out how they could work together again. Hell, come morning he would have taken a huge and serious step forward in bringing peace to the Middle East. Surely he could mend a personal friendship and professional relationship. 

**** 

Leo sat for a long time on a bench in the woods between Aspen Lodge and his own cabin just staring off into the forest. How had it come to this? They had gone into this together, he and Jed, and the partnership had worked. Where each had a weakness the other had a strength and together they formed a great team. But more than that they were friends and they trusted each other. When had that been lost? 

Leo wasn't sure just when he had fallen asleep but when he awoke the sky was gray as dawn approached. Mentally chastising himself for falling asleep in the woods, he moved his cold, stiff limbs trying to make them function. He felt so weak, so weary and he was short of breath from simply getting to his feet. His chest felt tight, heavy, like an elephant was sitting on him. Something wasn't right. He'd never had heartburn that felt like this before. A cold sweat broke out on his forehead. Abbey, he needed to talk to Abbey about this. He took a step toward Aspen and that's when it hit him. A pain in his chest so strong, so sharp it brought him to his knees with a cry of pain. That knife-like pain radiated down from his chest burning through his left arm to his fingertips and then he knew what it was. A heart attack. He was having a heart attack out here in the middle of the goddamn woods. Were he not in so much pain he would have laughed at the absurdity of it. This had to be some kind of cosmic joke. He hated the out of doors, spurned any invitation that included camping and hiking and now he was going to die out here surrounded only by the birds and the creatures of the woods. Alone. He was going to die as he lived his life. Alone. His last thought as he began to lose consciousness was of Mallory, his beautiful daughter. She had deserved so much better than an alcoholic, absentee father. Regrets, he had plenty of them, but his greatest regret was that he would never have the chance to tell his only child just how much he loved her. Mallory. The image of her lovely face filled the blackening void for just a moment and then he thought no more. 


	11. Altered Lives

"Good morning, everybody, if you could settle down, please." CJ took her place behind the podium in the press briefing room. She could barely contain her eagerness for this report. It was with a tremendous amount of pride that she looked the members of the media in the eye and stated, "I'm pleased to announce that this afternoon at 2:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, Prime Minister Zahavy, Chairman Farad and President Bartlet..." At just the mention of the big three names the reporters went crazy, wildly screaming for CJ's attention. She ignored them and continued on. 

"As I was saying, Prime Minister Zahavy, Chairman Farad, and President Bartlet will hold a joint press conference in the Rose Garden to describe a tentative accord that's been reached between the parties." Only then did she allow the slight smile to touch her lips. He'd done it. He'd really done it. 

**** 

Abbey took her seat next to Jed on Marine One. They hadn't had time to talk after Jed's early morning visit with the Prime Minister. All she knew was that Zahavy had agreed to the plan and it was with a sense of elation that she took Jed's hand in her own turning his attention her way. 

"So, tell me how you did it." 

Jed held back a smile at her enthusiasm and stated rather blandly. "Well, he liked the plan and felt it was something that he could bring back to his people and not lose face." 

"That's it?" Her face and tone expressed her disappointment. 

"What did you expect?" 

"Oh, I don't know a little quid pro quo, maybe a couple little explosions, some threats..." 

"This isn't a Tom Clancy book." 

"Mmm..." She leaned her head back against the headrest. A smile finally twitched on Jed's lips and he squeezed her fingers. 

"I told him that I wasn't going to sugarcoat the negotiations or protect him and that while his hard line base back in Israel would approve of his refusal to negotiate, it would definitely hurt Israel's standing with the rest of the world when that was revealed. And, I let him know that maybe the next time there is a clash over there, that the world and certainly the United States might not be quite so sympathetic. I told him that we are willing to help him but he needs to be willing to help himself as well. So, he agreed." 

Abbey twisted in her seat, eyes narrowed. "You were holding out on me." 

"Only because you're so cute when you pout." 

She shook her head with reproach. "Well, however you got him, I'm just glad that you did." 

"It was pretty bleak there for a while." 

"Yes it was. I'm so proud of you I could just bust with it." Her green eyes were shining with delight. 

A flush of embarrassed pride rose from Jed's chest to heat his face. He gave her a self-deprecating little half-smile and accepted her kiss to the cheek then glanced out the window as Marine One lifted over the sprawling camp. Somewhere out there, Leo was packing up to return to Washington and he couldn't help but wish that he were here with them, enjoying the success, planning for the implementation. This was the biggest moment in his presidency and it saddened him tremendously that the man who had been so integral to his administration thus far was not going to be there to help him celebrate. And, on a more personal note, it hurt to think that of his best friend would not be there to share such a momentous day with him. 

**** 

Abbey was leaning against Debbie's desk just outside Jed's office getting a social itinerary for the afternoon's joint press conference in the Rose Garden when she heard the rest of the staff arrive, their enthusiastic voices carrying down the hall. 

"Now that we're back, Congress is going to have to welcome the President like a conquering hero." Josh was both boisterous and boastful. He liked nothing better than to tuck it to the Republicans. Toby was listening with one ear while he dialed a number on his phone. "If you're calling Leo again, I've already tried five times." 

"We're signing a peace support in four hours; his phone should be stapled to his forehead." 

"Maybe he's at Foggy Bottom," Will suggested. 

"Yeah," Toby hadn't thought that Leo might be at the State Department. "Signal, try Leo McGarry again. Try the Secretary's office at State." 

"Peace in our time," Will was gloating. 

"All downhill from here," Josh agreed. 

"The Republican Leadership's in the Roosevelt Room," Margaret joined them in the hall. "They had a meeting with Leo but I can't find him anywhere." 

"You can't find him?" Now Toby grew slightly worried. Margaret always knew how to get in touch with Leo. 

"We'll take it," Josh said with bravado. He relished being the one to throw the peace accord in Haffley's face. "They didn't think we could get a deal and now we've got one. They're going to be scraping faces off Mount Rushmore to make room for Josiah Bartlet." Their voices faded as they set off toward the Roosevelt room. 

Jed had joined Abbey and Debbie just moments before and his eyes twinkled with amusement at the boyish excitement of his staff. However, if that frown on her face was any indication of her feelings, Abbey was decidedly not amused. 

"What's that scowl for?" he asked. 

"Them. I'm glad they're so proud of you but to listen to them go on you'd think they had been behind these talks all along. They're positively GIDDY." 

"They have a right to be. They might not have been behind the talks, but they worked hard for me. They did what I asked them to do and we got what we wanted. That's all that matters. I don't care who gets the credit." 

He could still bowl her over. After all these years together she should be used to it by now, and yet to see the true goodness in a great man filled her with a tremendous surge of love and respect. He had come so far in the world and yet a part of him still was, and always would be, the pious young man who'd thought of joining the seminary. He wanted to change the world, fix the wrongs, and it simply didn't matter to him who got the credit as long as it got done. There weren't that many people in the world, never mind in politics that were that strong in their beliefs and in their own persona. 

But, for Abbey, still smarting from hearing Will and Josh deriding Jed outside Prime Minister Zahavy's cabin, it most certainly did matter. "I DO happen to care who gets the credit. You deserve it, Jed. Almost everyone was against you going to Camp David; and in face of every adversity, you never stopped believing. You are an incredible man and you deserve this moment." 

"Abbey," Jed looked uneasily at an amused Debbie. 

"Sorry, Sir, but I have to concur," Debbie's grin widened. "You ARE an incredible man and never have I been more proud to work for you, to be a part of this administration than I am today. This is a day for the history books." 

Jed cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with the personal adulation. "Yes, well, there is still work to be done." He started to turn to go into the Oval Office but Abbey grabbed his arm to stop him. She reached out a hand to lift his chin and surveyed his handsome profile. The strong square Irish jaw, nice high cheekbones, smooth regal forehead and the little dip beneath his lower lip that she loved to kiss. It was a noble face, one that radiated strength and determination. 

"What?" he asked. 

"They did get something right. This IS a face that belongs on Mount Rushmore." 

Jed chuckled, playfully slapped her on the fanny and sent her on her way to the East Wing. 

**** 

"Welcome back, Ma'am," Abbey's secretary rose as she entered the office still dressed in a casual pair of slacks, striped nipped in the waist blouse and brown suede jacket she had donned when leaving the camp. 

"Thank you. I'm just here for a few. I have to get up to the Residence and get all dolled up for a luncheon and the press conference." She paused with a slight frown as she saw a huge stuffed canvas bag on the floor near her office door. "What's all that?" 

"That," Amy said coming out of her own office, "is a bag full of the letters we've been getting since you went public with your desire to help get a viable bill passed to combat violence against women and children." 

"Really?" Abbey bent to open the bag and drew out a handful of letters. She turned to Amy with wonder. "This many? There must be thousands." 

"And more. The agents are bringing another bag up this afternoon. This touches so many women, Abbey. I guess they just want to tell you their stories and lend you their support." 

Abbey nodded and began to open a letter as she entered her office. She sat on the couch and pulled her reading glasses out of her purse. Kicking her heels off, she tucked her legs up next to her on the couch and leaned against the arm to begin reading in comfort. 

There were so many – so many different stories of heartbreak and suffering. They truly ran the gamut. A middle aged woman paralyzed as the result of a severe beating from her husband. A college student raped on the campus of her university. A teenage girl the victim of incest with her father. A young mother verbally, emotionally and physically abused as a child terrified that she might do the same to her own baby. They were so difficult to read and most of them she read through the burning sting of tears. But, she felt compelled to read them all for these women were trusting her with their stories, with their deepest pain and sorrow. They believed in her because she was one of them, because they knew her desire to help them went more than skin deep. With each letter her resolve to get the bill changed, written and passed only grew stronger. 

A particularly poignant letter from a man whose wife had been brutally raped and beaten had her commiserating with his fears and his feelings of helpless impotence as they were the same feelings Jed had expressed to her after she had been raped. She could hear her husband as clearly as if he were in the room with her right now as she relived their first attempt at lovemaking after she was physically healed from the rape and emotionally ready. Her own fears and doubts had been so painful, so overwhelming, that she'd been unable to focus on Jed's. All she knew was that this man holding her in his arms, this once passionate, forceful lover was merely going by rote, tentatively forcing himself to touch her. With a surge of pain and humiliation she broke away from him. __

"You don't want to do this, do you?" 

"Abbey, please." 

"No, it's fine." Her trembling hands closed her blouse but her shaking fingertips were useless in the attempt to re-button it. Tears clung to her eyelashes then spilled down her cheeks. 

"Abbey, don't," he pleaded. "Please don't cry." 

"What am I supposed to do? How do you expect me to feel?" Her voice was plaintive laced with a horrible gut wrenching pain. "You've always wanted me, Jed, ALWAYS. Then you saw what that animal did to me and now you don't want me anymore." She rubbed the backs of her hands over her cheeks to clear her tears in a way that damn near broke his heart. 

"You told me I wasn't soiled. You told me I wasn't dirty! You told me you still loved me and that you still wanted me, but you DON'T." Her voice broke on a choked sob and her last words were barely audible. "You don't want me anymore." She turned from him her shoulders shaking with her soft heartbreaking sobs. 

"No, no...God, NO, Abbey." He gently turned her back towards him. "That isn't why I was holding back. I want you. I want you so much I HURT with it. But...but..." 

"But what, Jed? What?" 

"Oh, damn it – I'm afraid." 

He wasn't lying. Abbey could see the fear and vulnerability shadowed in his beautiful crystal blue eyes. 

"What are you afraid of?" she sniffed. 

"I'm afraid of hurting you or scaring you. I'm afraid that when I make love to you, it won't be me. That you'll see HIS face and all I'll do is remind you of what he did to you. God, sweetheart, I just don't think I could stand that." 

"No, no, Jed." She reached out a fingertip to wipe away the single tear that slid down his cheek. "One thing has nothing to do with the other. Making love has nothing to do with the internal beating he gave me. That's all it was – a physical punishment, not sex, not intercourse, and certainly not making love. When you make love to me, I feel safe and I feel cherished and I feel wanted and loved. I need to feel that way again. I need you to help me erase the ugliness." 

"Mrs. Bartlet?" The buzzer on her intercom startled Abbey from the past with a jolt. She eyed the phone with irritation and ran a shaking hand over her face to calm herself realizing with surprise that her cheeks were damp with tears she had unknowingly shed. 

"What is it, Leah?" 

Leah was surprised at the brusque tone Abbey had taken. "The President is on the line for you, Ma'am." 

"Okay, thanks." Abbey made her way to the phone emotionally still in a place far away from her office. She picked up the phone and hit the flashing button wondering what Jed could have forgotten to tell her. Her irritation vanished at the sound of his voice. 

"Abbey." Her name fell urgently off his lips. 

"Jed, what is it?" She didn't like how shaken he sounded. "Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine... Abbey...They found Leo unconscious in the woods back at Camp David. They think he's had a massive heart attack." 

"Oh." She felt as if she'd just had the wind knocked out of her and had to sit down. "Oh, Jed, is he..." 

"He's alive. They're rushing him to Bethesda Naval." 

"Well, we have to get over there." 

"I know. I know. But, before we go. Could you call them, talk to his doctors, find out what's going on. I was going to do it myself but you'll know what the hell they're talking about better than me." 

"Of course." 

"While you do that, I'll call Mallory. I don't want her to find out about this on the news." 

"Give her my love. And, while you're at it why don't you give Jenny a call too. She loved Leo for a very long time." 

"Of course. I'll call them both." 

"Okay, then. I'm going to call Bethesda now. You hang tight, babe and I'll be right over." She hung up the phone and buzzed Leah to get Bethesda on the line. While she waited for the connection, she stared at the receiver in her hand. Leo had been in their cabin last night. How had she not seen this coming? She was a thoracic surgeon, one of the best in the country. How had she not seen that one of her best friend's was about to have a heart attack? 

"Ma'am, I've got Bethesda." 

"Thank you, Leah." 

**** 

By the time Abbey got to the Oval, Toby, Josh, CJ, and Charlie were all there awaiting her report. There wasn't much information for her to relay. Leo was still alive, barely, and they were just in the process of evaluating him. 

"He was unconscious for a long time," Abbey said, as they all made their way quickly down the halls. "It's a miracle he has brain function. Every minute damages the heart muscle more." 

"What kind of damage?" CJ asked. 

"They don't know yet." 

"Will they operate?" Toby asked. 

"They don't know yet." 

Jed snapped with frustration. "These are supposed to be the best thoracic surgeons in the world. What the hell DO they know?" 

"That time is muscle, Jed." Abbey was unperturbed. As a doctor this was familiar ground for her and her response was calm and measured as she slipped into her reserved bedside manner. "They're still evaluating him and they're going to do everything they can." 

They walked outside and stopped in front of the limo. Abbey turned back to see that Toby, CJ, and Josh still followed, their faces masks of anxiety and worry. 

"Look, there's no point in everyone going. He's going to be out for hours. Charlie can call back with any updates." 

"Should we be thinking about postponing the peace signing?" Josh asked Jed. 

"No, I'll be back in time." Jed refused to believe that Leo would be anything BUT okay. Death was not an option. 

"Should we work out some kind of..." 

"A quick vote on peacekeeping and a big show of international support. A Security Council resolution would be ideal." Jed left his staff with task in hand and got into the limo. It drove off as soon as his door was shut. 

Once they were alone, Abbey laid her hand over Jed's in reassurance. He grasped onto her fingertips squeezing, deriving comfort from her presence. 

"This is bad, isn't it?" he asked after a few moments. 

Abbey fought the urge to deny it, to give him peace of mind. She'd heard him refuse to postpone the peace signing, knew that he was fighting for that denial. But, he had to be prepared. As difficult as it was, she had to be the one to prepare him. 

"Yeah, baby, it's bad." She rested her head against his shoulder. 

"I know." He'd been married to a thoracic surgeon for enough years to know this was not a good scenario. 

"But Leo's tough, he's a fighter. Hang on to that." 

He nodded and squeezed her hand back. There was nothing left to say. They continued to clutch hands but each was lost with their own private thoughts, Abbey re-living every moment of the last time she'd seen Leo trying desperately to figure out what she had missed, how this had slipped past her radar; and Jed re-living the look on Leo's face when he had accepted his offer to resign. 

**** 

"I'd like to see Mr. McGarry's chart." Abbey, Jed and Charlie had been taken to a private waiting area where after a few minutes they were approached by Leo's cardiologist. Leo was already in surgery undergoing a quadruple bypass. 

"Uh, well, that's highly irregular," Dr. Hardin stuttered. 

"This is an irregular situation. I'd take it as a professional courtesy." Abbey's eyes lasered in on him. 

Dr. Hardin wavered for only another moment. He knew that Dr. Abigail Bartlet was not asking – she was telling him to get that chart. "Marion," he turned to the nurse who had followed him in. "Would you please get Mr. McGarry's chart." 

"Yes, doctor." 

"Thank you." Abbey gave him the sweet, charming, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth smile that Kenneth Hardin felt all the way to his toes. 

Charlie watched with awe. He'd never seen the First Lady in firm surgeon mode before. 

"Close your mouth, son," Jed nudged him. "You're going to start catching flies. She's good, isn't she?" Pride was evident in both his voice and his eyes as they still lay on his wife and the befuddled cardiologist who still wasn't quite sure what hit him. 

"She sure knows how to get what she wants." 

"Always has." On any other day, in any other circumstance, Jed might have felt extremely turned on by watching his wife take charge of a situation like this. He loved to watch her in control. Loved to watch people jump at her commands; it made it all the sweeter when he was able to steal her self-control and poise as no one else could. But, today he was too worried about Leo. Too worried about what Abbey was going to read on that chart to be turned on. 

Dr. Hardin waited while Abbey quickly glanced over the chart then looked up at him over the rim of her reading glasses. 

"What were the indications for a bypass as opposed to a PTCA?" 

"Lesions too extensive. He was in profound cardiogenic shock." 

"Saphenous grafts?" 

"Internal mammary isn't viable." 

"How long till he's off the pump?" 

"Three hours, maybe more." 

"Three hours?" 

Jed didn't like the way Abbey said that. He hadn't understood a damn thing they were talking about, but the way she said "three hours" just did not sound good. He moved closer to his wife's side. 

"Yeah. He was down a long time." 

"Time being muscle." Jed did at least remember that from his earlier conversation with Abbey. 

"Yes, sir. I'll come back when I have more." 

"Thank you." Abbey gave him a quick smile of appreciation then sighed and wrapped her arms around her waist. 

"Can you explain any of that in English?" 

Abbey nodded and took Jed's hand leading him toward the couch. "Let's sit down." 

He pulled his hand away, eyes widening with suspicion. "What does that mean? Telling a person to sit is never a good thing." 

"Jed," she yanked him down next to her. "It means we were up most of the night brokering a peace deal and working off the tension with some recreational activity until dawn. I'm tired and I'd like to sit down to do this." 

"You're comfortable talking to me like this in front of Charlie?" 

"As a matter of fact I am. For goodness sake, Jed, Charlie helps schedule our barbecues. What doesn't he know about our recreational activities." 

Charlie hovered nervously near by. He wasn't about to remind them of the time he'd had to go to the Presidential bathroom to retrieve the First Lady's diaphragm for her because the President forgot to pack it. 

"Point taken. Now, tell me about Leo. What are they doing for him?" 

Abbey reached out and took Jed's hand between both of hers, her thumbs moving soothingly over his knuckles while she gently spoke. "Leo arrived in profound cardiogenic shock. His heart was not functioning." 

"Why couldn't they just shock him back. My heart had completely stopped and they were able to shock me back without surgery." 

"It was an entirely different scenario. Your heart had stopped due to trauma, not because your arteries were clogged. Leo's arteries were so severely clogged that there was no way that even an angioplasty would have worked or been of any benefit. So, they had to go in and do the bypass. Normally we prefer to use an internal mammary artery that we take from the chest wall because it's an easier process. Those arterial grafts tend to last longer and the patient generally has a better survival rate and a better chance of not having another heart attack than with a vein graft." 

"But the doctor said they couldn't use the mammary when you asked about it." 

"In Leo's case, it simply wasn't viable. Instead, they used a saphenous vein taken from the leg which is very common in bypass surgery." 

"But not as good as the mammary?" 

"No, saphenous vein grafts tend to deteriorate in about five to seven years in about fifty percent of patients which means that Leo could be in for more surgery somewhere down the road." 

"And they have to stop his heart while he's in surgery, right? He has to be on that heart/lung machine." Jed did know a little something about the surgery as some of Abbey's patients had bypass surgery and she often talked about it and how routine it had become. It didn't seem so routine when it was somebody he cared about having it done. 

"Yes, a cardiopulmonary bypass machine. It will function as Leo's heart and lungs while his own heart is stopped." 

"And it's not good to be on it very long." 

"The longer he's on it means the more difficulty they're having getting his heart started again and..." Abbey swallowed tightly. Remaining in doctor mode speaking to her husband about their close friend was becoming increasingly difficult. 

"Abbey, tell me straight." 

"I am, Jed." Tears welled in her eyes. "It isn't just the heart issues. Even if the bypass works, Leo was oxygen deprived for a long time. There could be brain damage." 

"Brain damage? Oh, Abbey, no." He pulled his hand from hers and ran his fingers through his hair; then needing to release his nervous energy, he got to his feet to pace. The thought of Leo being mentally and physically incapacitated that way was beyond anything he could imagine. 

"I'm not saying it's going to happen. I just want you to be prepared." 

"What do you think his chances are?" 

"Jed, I don't want to get into odds. I'm not his doctor." 

"No, but you ARE a doctor. Based on what you know, based on his chart what do you think?" 

Abbey sighed. Tenacious as a bulldog, she knew Jed wouldn't let it go until she answered. "Based on his chart, I'd have to say less than 50/50...Now wait a minute," she took his hand again as his face fell and his eyes closed. "Based on his CHART, I'd have to say that; but based on what I know about Leo, I'd say his odds are much better than that. Leo's a fighter. Look at all he's fought and overcome." 

"I just wish he had something to fight for." 

"What do you mean?" 

"When that was me laying there hooked up to all those tubes riddled with bullet holes, I could hear your voice. I could feel your strength willing me to pull out of it. When I woke up from the anesthesia and saw you and Elizabeth and Ellie and Zoey, I knew I was going to make it. There wasn't an inch of my body that didn't hurt, but I didn't give a damn because all my girls were there and I knew I wasn't ready to leave all of you yet and that I would do anything to keep that from happening. Leo doesn't have that, not anymore." 

"Mallory will be here soon. And he has you and CJ and Josh and Toby and after the vote in Congress, Ellie said Sam will be over. That's his family now." 

"He lost it all when he became my Chief of Staff." 

"It was his choice, Jed. He came to you, remember? You didn't force him into anything. He wanted this. Sometimes I think he wanted it even more than you did." 

Jed nodded and sat at the table across from the television. It had been droning on since they arrived and now CNN was running reports on the peace accord. 

"According to excerpts made available by the White House, the President will declare that peace, so long within our sight, is now within our grasp. Many believed the Camp David summit was a fool's errand to begin with, tilting at historical windmills one might say, until..." 

Abbey sat down next to Jed. She could see him retreating with his guilt as he so often did. She wasn't about to let that happen. Not this time. He had nothing to feel guilty for. 

"Stress actually restricts the flow of blood through the coronary arteries." 

Jed put down the copy of his speech that he'd begun to peruse. He was listening to her, which was a good sign. 

"What I'm saying is it's physiological. Unless you wanted him meditating his way through intelligence briefings and sleeping in a flotation tank, there's NOTHING you did..." 

"I fired him." 

"What?" 

"Last night at Camp David, I fired him. What does that do to the flow of blood?" 

"You fired him? When?" 

"When he asked to see me outside alone. He told me that he couldn't support me and we both realized that we couldn't keep arguing the way we have been and then he told me that he didn't feel his counsel was of use to me anymore. I got angry. I was so damn sick of him giving me ultimatums and..." 

"You were hurt." Abbey added the sentiment that was so difficult for him to admit to feeling. 

Jed shrugged with a slight scowl. "I guess. He's my Chief of Staff AND my friend and it did hurt to know that he believed that everything I was doing was because I was afraid, because I was gun-shy because of you and the girls." 

"Did you tell him that?" 

He rolled his eyes. "No." 

Abbey shook her head. "Men. Of course you didn't tell him and he didn't tell you what he was feeling either. Instead you both stewed over it and got angrier until it finally came to a head. Well, you were both right about one thing, you certainly couldn't go on arguing the way you were; it wasn't doing either of you any good." 

"But I shouldn't have fired him. I told him that if he didn't feel he could be of counsel to me anymore and his conscience was not allowing him to support my work on the peace accord then he should find his successor before he left." 

"Well, Jed, that hardly sounds like you handed him his walking papers. He threatened to resign and you accepted. You were both wrong. But that is not what caused Leo to have a heart attack. What caused Leo to have a heart attack is a lifetime of abusing his body. A lifetime of alcohol, drugs, smoking, eating junk on the run and working twenty-hour days without any kind of stress relief. I warned him about this." 

"When?" 

"Before we went to Ireland. The night of the contamination when he gave me a hard time about taking my anti-anxiety pills. He didn't look good. I wanted him to go in for a physical and have an EKG. He refused. Said he was fine. I should have pushed it harder." 

"Sounds like Leo." 

Abbey lifted a brow. "Sounds like someone else I know too." 

"My blood pressure and EKG's are fine. I'm monitored regularly." 

"Only because you're the President and they FORCE you to have regular physicals. And, other than your smoking – yes I know you still sneak a smoke or two – and some sneaking of junk food, you're in pretty good shape. And unlike Leo, you have various means of stress relief. You play with the kids. You play basketball and tennis and chess and poker. You watch sports and movies and go to plays and concerts. You read and you swim and every once in a while you even take an actual vacation. And, of course, you have me to make sure you're eating properly and to talk with and vent with and make love with. Sex is, as you're always informing me, one of the best stress relievers there is." 

Jed gave her a boyish sad smile. "It sure keeps my blood pressure perfect." 

"Yes, it does. Leo doesn't have any of that. His whole life is wrapped up in his job. There aren't any outside interests or hobbies to make him relax. He doesn't have a woman or even a pet. What I'm trying to say is that this has been coming on for a very long time. It was a lifestyle choice. You agreeing to his leaving the administration did not suddenly send him into a heart attack." 

Jed gave a slight shrug and looked down at the table. Exasperated, Abbey lifted his chin with her fingertips to look him sternly in the eyes. "Understood?" 

"Yes, ma'am." 

"Now, I'd really like to know why you didn't tell me any of this last night. I knew there was something wrong. I asked you about it and you blew me off." 

"I'd already decided that I was going to talk to Leo after things settled down and try to work things out before he walked. I figured there was no reason to get into it all if I was going to fix things. Oh, Abbey. I thought I had all the time in the world to fix things." 

Lips trembling, eyes red from crying, the young woman stood tentatively just inside the doorway to the waiting room. "Uncle Jed?" 


	12. Altered Lives

Abbey slipped four quarters into a vending machine then took a deep breath to keep her emotions in check while she waited for the bottle of water to drop. Helping Mallory to understand what was happening with Leo had been very difficult. It was like talking to one of her own daughters and her maternal instincts were in overdrive. She had to shut off the part of her that wanted to worry and grieve and instead provide information and comfort calmly. With bottle in hand, she made her way back to the couch where Mallory still sat tucked under Jed's arm curled comfortingly close to his side. Jed was talking to her in low tones as he did when soothing one of their children. 

"Here you go, sweetie." Abbey held out the bottle of water. Mallory accepted it gratefully and took a sip. Abbey sat back down beside her and rubbed a hand up and down her arm. "I tried to call your mother but I couldn't reach her." 

Mallory sniffed, wiped at her eyes with a tissue. "She and Jeffrey are in Brazil on a bird watching tour." 

"Birdwatching?" 

Mallory had to smile at the way Jed and Abbey spoke in such surprised unison. While her mother was not quite as adverse to the great outdoors as her father, gardening was about as much time as she liked to spend out of doors. The girls-only hikes that Abbey planned for her, Jenny, Millie, and their daughters were often openly, but good-naturedly, grumbled over. 

"Well, Jeffrey is birdwatching. If I know my mother, she's spending her days in Rio shopping." 

That sounded more like Jenny. When it was her turn to plan a trip, it invariably included shopping in a major city in the U.S. or abroad. "Have you talked to her?" 

"Yes. I called her after Uncle Jed called me. She was going to try to catch a flight back but couldn't reach Jefffey wherever he was out in the jungle. I told her not to worry. There isn't anything she can do here." 

"Except be with you." Abbey brushed the hair back from Mallory's face. "Mothers tend to place great importance on that." 

"I know." 

"But we're going to be here for you," Jed assured her. 

"I know you will," Mallory smiled. She'd always been able to count on the Bartlets. As godparents, there were none better. "Thank you. And, Paul is going to be flying in tonight when he gets out of work. He couldn't leave in the middle of a class." 

"Ahh, the elusive Paul," Abbey cocked a brow. 

"You surprised us with that one, young lady," Jed's tone was reproachful. 

"I surprised myself, Uncle Jed. It was all rather whirlwind." 

"You gypped us out of a wedding." 

"I know, I'm sorry." 

"Sir," Charlie approached the threesome. "We have to leave for the peace signing." 

"Damn." Jed's gaze met Abbey's and they were both silent, both warring with the need to stay with Mallory and the need to do their duty. Mallory saw the look, responded. 

"Hey, I'll be fine, really. You have to go. Peace in the Middle East, that's a biggie." 

"Mom, Dad." With a look of deep concern, Ellie entered the waiting room. When her eyes settled on the young woman who sat between her parents, the concern manifested itself in tears. "Mallory." 

Mallory stood and within seconds was in the arms of one of her closest friends in the world. Born only months apart, the two had been very close in spite of not growing up in close proximity. 

"Oh, Ells, I'm so scared. I don't want to lose him." 

"I know, Mal...I know." Ellie did know. She had been right here in Mallory's shoes four years earlier after her own father had been shot and was hovering between life and death. She knew the terror, the grief, and the insidious fear of losing the first man she ever loved, her protector, her hero...her daddy. 

With kisses to each girl, Abbey and Jed left Ellie to comfort Mallory while they set out for the White House with promises to return as soon as they could. 

**** 

It was a lovely day, sunny and warm. The perfect day for the signing of a peace agreement. A loud cheer erupted from the assembled crowd when Jed drew Prime Minister Zahavy and Chairman Farad closer – lifting their clasped hands together in triumph. Standing behind the podium with Maya Zahavy and Zoey, who had taken the time off from school, Abbey felt the sting of tears as pride and love rose in a giant wave to swell in her chest. And, for once, she didn't care if the throngs of media caught it on print or film or not. Knowing what Jed had gone through personally and professionally for this moment, watching the big grin that lit his face filled her with a joyful sense of gratification that she wanted the whole world to see. She was one of the select few who knew just how close this moment had come to not happening and that made the whole ceremony all the sweeter. She felt Zoey take her hand and turned to look at her smiling daughter seeing the same pride radiating in Zoey's emerald eyes that burned in her own. 

As the ceremony came to an end, Abbey continued to hang back on the periphery, simply enjoying the moment, trying to burn it into her psyche for posterity. This was Jed's moment, Jed's triumph, and she was enjoying every second of it. The king of every room he stepped into. Millie had described him that way once and Abbey found that to be a perfect description of her man. She wasn't sure what it was about him, what kind of magnetism he had that allowed all of those around him to pale by comparison, but he'd had it for as long as she could remember. That indefinable sense that was labeled 'charisma' but was really so much more than that. In spite of the fact that he was side by side with two other powerful heads of state, it was Jed who shone brightly. Jed – whose personal magnetism drew all of those surrounding them to his side to offer hands for shaking and pats on the back. It seemed that everyone wanted to be a part of this historic moment and to touch the man who had made it happen. 

**** 

"Where's Zoey?" Jed entered the Oval Office where Abbey had drifted off to once all photo ops had been taken. He was charged, adrenalin pumping, but now he just wanted to get back to the hospital. 

"She's upstairs changing." Abbey looked down at the pencil slim skirt and silk blouse she'd changed into for the signing ceremony. "I'm going to join her in a minute, but I wanted to talk to you first." 

He frowned. "Did you hear something from the hospital?" 

"No," She stepped forward to run her fingers over the lapels of his jacket. "I did talk to Ellie and she said Leo was still in surgery but what I want to talk to you about is today. About this." She gestured out toward the reception that was still going on out in the Rose Garden. "I know I told you earlier how proud I was of you as a person, but now I want to tell you just how proud I am that you're my president. I think the nation finally got it right." 

"Really?" 

"Mhmmmm...We finally have a president we can be proud of. A man who stands up for what he believes in, who doesn't cave in to pressure and public opinion." 

"Don't put me up too high on that pedestal. I've caved in to pressure before." 

"You've compromised. You have to. But when it really mattered, you stood your ground. You have moral courage, Jed, and in this day and age that's really saying a lot." Her fingers trailed gently over his cheekbone. "This is why you wanted the job. You didn't want it for the glory or the prestige. You wanted to make the world a better place and you took a huge step toward doing that today. You showed the world the real Jed Bartlet, the Jed Bartlet I've always known and loved. And, I do love you, very, very much." She kissed him lightly, wiped her lipstick off with a swipe of her thumb and lingered for just a moment at the small dip between his bottom lip and his chin. 

Jed cleared his throat of the emotion that clogged there. "We're doing mushy early today." 

Abbey nodded; her thoughts now centered back on Leo. "You never know how much time you have to say it." The reality of that statement sank in quite quickly and Jed's face turned solemn. 

"Well, I'm going to go change into something more comfortable now. I don't know how long we'll be at the hospital." Jed watched her leave the office, hips swaying in the soft feminine sashay he loved so much. He touched his fingers to his lips and gave a half smile. It meant so much to him to have her open her heart so completely, to know that she was proud of him and the job that he was doing, to know that she was behind him 100%. Were it not for Leo lying under a surgeon's knife at this very moment, it would very nearly have been a perfect day. With a shake of his head, he refused to let himself go down that maudlin path and instead began making the phone calls he needed to make before they left for the hospital. 

He was still on the phone when Debbie entered the office. "Don't worry, Mr. Prime Minister. Congress is going to schedule a vote. ... Yes, sir. ... I appreciate your help. Thank you." He hung up and looked at his secretary. "I'll do the rest of these from Bethesda. You sure Abbey and I can skip the reception?" 

"The delegations are gone; NSC says it's fine." 

"Okay." 

"Sir, I've never been prouder to work here than this afternoon when the Chairman and the Prime Minister shook hands, and you..." 

"Watched them shake hands?" 

Debbie smirked. It had been a LOT more than that and she knew it very well. "Leo would be proud, too – will be proud." 

Jed shrugged. "He had his reservations about all this." That was putting it mildly but it was easy to be benevolent now that this was all over and things had worked out the way he had hoped. 

"Well, I'm not saying it won't all blow up in your face." 

"Dad," Zoey burst into the office in jeans and a simple long sleeved black stretchy top. Her straight fiery copper hair spilled over her shoulders and down her back. "We're ready to go to the hospital." 

"Where's your mother?" 

"Right here." Abbey stepped in beside Zoey having changed into a comfortable pair of gray slacks and a lavender cashmere sweater. Her own hair, the same fiery shade as her daughter's was just as long and loose but hers held the waves and curls that Zoey's didn't. "I stopped in to see the twins. They were just waking up from their afternoon nap." 

"You didn't tell them, did you?" 

"No, we agreed to wait until after the surgery – when we had more news and I stuck to that. I just wanted to explain to them why we haven't been around all day and won't be around for supper." 

Jed nodded. "Okay, then. I've got everything. We should head out." 

**** 

Back at the hospital they found that Leo was still in surgery. Jed saw that though she tried to hide it, Abbey was very concerned to hear that. 

"Five hours," he said. "Five hours he's been on the pump; you blanched at three." 

Abbey's eyes scanned the room, all the worried faces. They were all following her lead. If she were worried they would worry. "What can I say?" she shrugged. "Five is more than three." 

Jed knew his wife. She might be able to fool the others but he could see the worry shining in her eyes and knew exactly what she was up to. "I don't want you to sugarcoat this." 

She sighed. "If I knew how, I would." Her gaze moved to the doorway as Jed's entire senior staff entered the waiting room. 

"Mr. President, Mrs. Bartlet." 

"Toby." 

Toby's attention zeroed in on the President. "Sir, may I have a moment of your time?" 

Jed nodded and led Toby out into the hall. 

"About tomorrow's schedule..." 

"I'm staying here." 

"All day?" 

Jed stared blankly at the grim faced man before him. Did he not realize that Leo was hovering between life, coma and death, and that nobody had any idea of what tomorrow might bring? "I don't know, Toby. There are a few variables floating around." 

"Sir, you have to name an interim Chief of Staff." 

"Leo is my interim Chief of Staff." 

Toby ignored the sentiment. "For two days, for two weeks, especially if he's..." 

Jed's anger rose. This was a man's LIFE they were talking about – his best friend's life – and to have Toby so cavalierly discussing his death sickened him. 

"He's been in surgery for five hours. You want to walk in and take his car keys?" 

Toby understood the President's bitterness and again ignored it. "No, sir. And I care about his surgery but we're fumbling the tax bill; our diplomatic strategy is a game of telephone; and these are the things we're spending time on." 

Cared about his surgery? So Toby 'cared', well bully for him. "Raid the cupboards. We're doing fine." 

"Today, sure. And the second-day story is how you pulled it off. But the third-day story is that Congress doesn't want to pay, that our coalition's fraying, that the spokes are coming off the wheels..." 

"It's a couple of days. This was totally unexpected." 

"No, it wasn't. Not with Leo's history with alcohol, with pills. Mr. President, surely you had a process in place." 

Jed mentally shook his head. A process in place simply because Leo had abused alcohol and pills in the past? He had trusted Leo to remain clean and sober and the thought of a massive heart attack had never crossed his mind. "Not for this and I'm not having this conversation here. You think we'd even be doing this without him?" 

Jed was not referring to the peace talks and Toby well knew that. Leo's presence in those had been virtually non-existent. He was referring to his presidency. It was Leo who had gone to Jed to run for office, not the other way around. Toby respected the man's loyalty. There were none more loyal than Jed Bartlet, but he couldn't allow that loyalty to blind him. 

"No, sir, but Leo is one person and there's 290 million more and they come first." 

"You can stand there and say that to me knowing that I have put this country before my own personal convictions? That I have put this country before my own FAMILY when I had to!" 

Abbey heard the raised voices as she left the waiting room and quickly moved to rest a hand on Jed's arm. He was tired and he was scared and that was never a good combination when it came to his temper. 

"Jed. I just spoke with Dr. Hardin. They finished the bypass." She swallowed tightly wishing she didn't have to be the one to tell him this. "Leo's heart won't function without the machines." 

"What does that mean for him?" Jed's eyes clouded with fear. 

"It means that he is basically on life support. They'll try to take him off the machine again in a few hours. If that doesn't work, well, we have to talk to Mallory about options in case it doesn't." 

Jed nodded his duty to his goddaughter at odds with his own need to process what his wife had just told him. He turned to Toby. "Is there anything else?" 

Toby felt a slight twinge of shame at the derisive look and tone. Perhaps his talk with the President could have waited until they'd found out what was happening with Leo, after all, he had told him they'd be okay for a couple of days. "No, sir." 

Toby turned to leave and Abbey took Jed's hand squeezing his fingers. "Be strong, hon. We have to be strong for her. We're all she's got right now and she needs to lean on us." 

"I know. I'm okay." 

They re-entered the waiting room where Mallory sat in between Ellie and Zoey, all three girls sipping and grimacing over the bad hospital coffee. Abbey turned to the staff members who were watching replays of the peace signing on CNN. The news reports were glowing, that was something anyway. 

"Would you mind giving us a few moments alone?" she asked. The eyes that met CJ's gave her a jolt. This was not good. The worry and fear were clearly visible in Abbey's carefully controlled façade. 

"If you need us we'll be right outside." 

Abbey nodded and CJ gave her shoulder a quick squeeze of support before leaving the room. 

Jed approached the girls carefully controlling his own emotions. He spoke in the same soothing tone he'd used earlier. "Mal, honey, we need to talk." 

**** 

"It won't work? Even after the surgery his heart isn't working?" 

"He had a massive heart attack, Mallory," Abbey explained. "There was a lot of damage to the heart muscle itself. The bypass surgery can't fix that." 

"So...um...what...what I do?" Confused and scared, Mallory's voice broke. Tears swam in her eyes as she fought for control. 

"It's okay...it's okay, sweetie." Sitting across from the young woman, Abbey reached her hands out to take both of Mallory's into hers while Jed sat beside her his arm draped over her shoulders. "They're going to try to take him off the pump again in a couple of hours. This isn't over yet." 

"But what if it doesn't work again?" 

Abbey drew in a shaky breath. "That's why we wanted to talk to you. If it doesn't work again, you're going to have to make some decisions for him." 

"No." Mallory shook her head the tears spilling down her cheeks. "I can't." 

"It's okay, Mal, we're here for you." Jed pulled the young woman more tightly against his side while Ellie rubbed her arm, her own face streaked with tears. 

"I'm sorry." Mallory wiped her eyes with the tissue Zoey handed her. 

"Don't be sorry, honey. This is really hard. You have every right to feel the way that you do." 

Mallory responded to Abbey's calm, even tones. "What kind of decisions do you mean?" 

"Well, if your father's heart doesn't function on its own, they could put him back on the heart and lung machine, basically on life support." 

"How long can he stay on the machine?" 

"The machine isn't a solution, honey. The longer time he spends on it the more damage is being done to him. Given your father's weakened state, the chances are that his organs would start to shut down." 

"I don't want my father to suffer. What would they do instead?" 

"You'd have to okay a D.N.R. – Do Not Resuscitate order. While he's on the pump, your father's heart is stopped. When they take him off the pump, they shock the heart to get it started again. That's what they did earlier and it didn't work, his heart would start pumping on its own. So, they put him back on the machine. That's what they're going to try again. If it doesn't work again, his doctors will probably talk to you about a D.N.R. order. At that point they would attempt again to shock the heart and if it doesn't start to pump on its own...well... they would let him go. He wouldn't suffer, Mallory. He just wouldn't wake up." 

Mallory nodded. Her eyes were so blurred with tears she could barely see Abbey sitting before her, but she felt her, felt her hands holding hers, felt Jed's arm holding her tightly and the presence of Ellie and Zoey. It was that connection that kept her from completely coming apart. "What about brain damage?" she sniffed. "The doctor said something about brain damage." 

"Because of the time he spent deprived of oxygen before he got to the hospital, there could be minimal or extensive brain damage. The more time he spends on the pump, the greater the chance of extensive damage which is why minimal time spent on the pump is so important." 

"But they don't know if he has any brain damage?" 

"Not at the moment. If they can get his heart working again, he'll be assessed by a neurologist for brain function." 

"Oh, God," Mallory's shoulders shook. "Dad wouldn't want to be a vegetable." 

Abbey rubbed Mallory's knee in comfort. "Do you know if your father has a living will? That could make things a lot easier for you." 

"I don't know. Isn't that one of those things you sign so people won't keep you on life support?" 

"That could be one aspect of the will. It's really documentation of a person's wishes concerning treatment when those wishes can no longer be personally communicated." 

"I don't know if he has one or not." 

"Did he ever talk to you about it? About what he'd want to do in a situation like this?" 

"Not really. He made a comment to me once a while back after you made a speech urging people to sign up to be organ donors that he'd be first in line but that he'd pickled his organs for too many years to be of use to anyone. But we never talked about something this. I never expected..." Her head fell forward hands covering her face. 

"It's okay. You don't have to make any decisions right now. We just wanted you to be prepared – to be able to think things through. I'll give your mother a call and see if he ever discussed any of this with her. Do you have her number?" 

Mallory nodded and began digging into her purse. She handed Abbey a slip of paper with the name of the hotel and the phone number. Abbey took it and moved toward a privacy room to make the call. Once inside the room, she leaned against the wall, tears burning her eyes as she released the emotion she'd tried so hard to keep in check for Mallory's sake. 

"Mom?" Abbey turned at Ellie's hesitant voice. She hadn't known that she was being followed. "Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine. Just needed a minute to decompress." 

"You were really good out there. This is so hard for Mallory." 

"I know." 

"It brings back a lot of memories. You know, of when we thought Dad might die." 

"Yes, it does." She reached out to touch Ellie's cheek. "But Dad is fine now and we just have to believe that Leo will be." 

"I feel so bad for Mallory. She's so all alone. At least when Daddy was in surgery we had you, and we had each other. Mallory doesn't have anyone. Remember when I was little and I was mad at Elizabeth or Zoey and I used to grumble to you that I wished I was an only child?" 

Abbey smiled tenderly. "Vaguely." 

"Well, I'm really glad I wasn't. I'm glad that whatever happens, I'll always have Elizabeth and Zoey and even Aislinn and Nick to help me through it." 

"I wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm glad you guys all have each other, especially knowing how dangerous your dad's job is for us. It comforts me to know that you have each other. But, Ellie, Mallory isn't completely alone. She has us. It was really great of you to get out of work and get down here so fast." 

"Family emergency." 

"Yes," Abbey's smile was sad. "Family." But in her heart she knew that Ellie was right. While they were here for Mallory, it wasn't the same as having flesh and blood siblings and a mother's arms for comfort. Having her own mother, sister, and her girls surrounding her and comforting her while Jed fought for his life had kept her sane. Mallory didn't have that so they would just have to be the best surrogates they could be. 

**** 

Any luck?" Jed asked when Abbey re-entered the waiting room. Abbey shook her head negatively. 

"They didn't have living wills although she did say that Leo had mentioned several times that he would never want to spend his life hooked on machines. So at least we have something to work with." 

Jed pondered that for a moment then turned to the girls. "It's going to be a while before they take Leo off that machine again. Why don't we all go down to the chapel and pray that we won't have to make any decisions. Let's send Leo a little strength." 

"I think that's a great idea." Abbey reached out to help Mallory to her feet and the five of them set off for the small hospital chapel. 

The non-denominational chapel was a small quiet oasis, a place to contemplate and a place to pray. Abbey dug around in her purse for the little velvet bag that held her onyx rosary blessed by the pope while Jed easily slid his from the pocket where he always kept it handy. Together they made their way down the aisle, genuflected beside the pew, then knelt side by side making the sign of the cross. They prayed together silently while the girls got situated. Once they were in place, Jed began to lead them in the decades of the rosary. 

"We offer this Rosary in commemoration and honor of the Sorrowful Mysteries of Jesus Christ, our suffering Redeemer who paid the price in his own blood for the redemption of our souls. In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen." 

Mallory had not been raised as devoutly Catholic as Ellie and Zoey but she did remember all the prayers from her catechism classes and her voice joined Abbey's, Ellie's and Zoey's to combine with Jed's. "I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord...." 

Some time later, Sam Seaborn quietly entered the chapel. The President, First Lady, Ellie, Zoey and Mallory were in the front pew all kneeling together, heads bowed. Their voices were soft and devout as they prayed together as one. It was intriguing, mystical and ancient. He strained to hear what they were saying. 

"Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of death. Amen." 

Not wanting to interrupt them he slipped into a back pew. He was not a Catholic. His mother was Episcopalian and his father Methodist but religion had never been important or stressed in the Seaborn household. He wasn't all that comfortable in a church, especially with the formality and rituals of a Catholic Mass. However, since he had begun attending church with Ellie once in a while, he had grown more comfortable in the surroundings, even responded to them. Ellie's religion was very important to her and what was important to Ellie was important to him. Now he found himself actually taking comfort and solace where he had never found it before. 

They finished the last prayer of the rosary, all five crossing themselves at the same time and standing. Abbey saw Ellie's face brighten, her eyes lighten with recognition and something even more powerful. She turned to see what had brought about that transformation. There at the back of the chapel stood her young man. Sam Seaborn had a warm, tender smile on his handsome face and eyes were filled with the same light she'd seen in Ellie's. Eyes not breaking contact, Ellie quickly strode up the aisle allowing herself to be enveloped in Sam's arms, her head cradled against his chest. It was a moment so intimate, so loving that it stirred something deep inside Abbey. She knew first hand how comforting and sweet it felt to be held and cherished safely in the arms of the man who loved you. That Ellie was getting the chance to feel that kind of powerful love was a true blessing. She felt Jed slide his hand over hers and turned to look at her husband. He'd seen it too. This thing between Ellie and Sam – it was strong, it was powerful and it was real. 

**** 

"Charlie's bringing a change of clothes and a fresh batch of call sheets." 

Abbey glanced up from the book she was reading as Debbie spoke to Jed who had just gotten off the phone from yet another call to a head of state drumming up support for the peace accord. She stood and made her way to where the two were talking. 

"Tell him to leave them at the White House," she said. 

"I'm staying here," Jed insisted. 

"Tell him to leave them at the White House." Abbey's tone was firm and Debbie took it as final say on the subject and walked away. 

"I can do this from here," Jed protested. "The way they wire up these things, I could do it from a cardboard box in Lafayette Park." 

Sympathy for her husband tugged at Abbey's heartstrings. She knew exactly what this was all about. "You still think this is your fault? It's not." 

"Other than you, he's my best friend. I'm not the kind of person who has best friends." 

"Because you live your work and so does he." 

"What are you trying to say?" 

"You chose this; both of you. You knew the risks and now you've both paid the price. You're running a country, for God's sake, not a tree house." 

"Well, Leo stays in the tree house if he wants to. We'll work around his recovery – half-days, whatever it takes." 

Abbey inhaled willing herself to remain patient with her stubborn husband. "He's not going to work half days. He's not going to work around his recovery. He's not going to do whatever it takes." 

"That's his decision." 

"And we know what that decision is going to be." 

"So I should wake him up and fire him again? Because it worked so well the first time?" 

"How many times do I have to tell you that whatever you said to him last night did NOT cause him to have a heart attack." 

Jed looked down at the floor. Intellectually he knew that but his heart and his conscience felt otherwise. "It has to be up to him." 

"Do you know what this is going to look like, Jed? What this is going to be like for him? For Christ sake, Leo didn't simply have his tonsils removed. They just split open his sternum and pulled back his ribs. They cut veins out of his legs to use as heart vessels. IF he recovers, we're talking incision pain, chronic pain, swelling in both legs because they took grafts from both, mood swings, depression, loss of short-term memory, loss of blood supply. Jed, you've got to keep him out of that job. He'll kill himself if you don't." 

Awareness slowly fill Jed's eyes as she forced him to face the magnitude of what Leo was going through and would continue to go through. Without a word, he sat back down in his chair his face carefully blank. 

"Debbie, I'm ready for my next call." 

Abbey closed her eyes, frustrated by her inability to get through to him. But, when she opened them again she saw it. With the phone to his ear, he gazed up her and she saw the raw defeat there. He knew. Softly she rested a compassionate hand on his shoulder. Knowing and accepting were two very different things. 

"Mom." 

Her name was said with such apprehension that Abbey's head quickly snapped around. Dr. Hardin stood just inside the door. 

"I have news about Mr. McGarry." 


	13. Altered Lives

"You okay?" Abbey and Jed stood on each side of Mallory just inside Leo's room in ICU. The doctors had been able to get his heart started again but he was still in critical condition. 

Mallory took a deep breath, blinked back the tears that seeing all the wires and tubes attached to her father had brought to her eyes. "Yes, I'm fine," she nodded. 

"We'll be right outside if you need us." Abbey rubbed her hand over the scared young woman's. Jed was still staring at Leo as Mallory moved away from them to her father's side. "Jed, let's go." She took his hand. "You can see him in a little bit." He nodded and allowed her to lead him from the room. 

Gently, Mallory took her father's hand. It was cold. When he didn't awaken, she sat in the chair placed strategically next to the bed still keeping hold of his hand. Seeing him this way, not with all the tubes and machines, but unconscious, brought back memories. Memories she'd worked very hard to push into the past. Memories of another time, another man. A man passed out drunk smelling of stale sweat, vomit and alcohol or hungover, gray faced, shaky and weak. It brought back memories of all those Saturday mornings as a little girl when she knew better than to enter parents' bedroom without her mother's all clear. All those Sunday mornings when she and her mother had attended Mass alone and she would pray that when they got home her daddy would be awake and feel well enough to take her for a bike ride or to watch a movie with her. All those weekends as a teenager when she'd been too afraid and ashamed to have friends sleep over for fear they would see the secret she lived with. 

It had been so tempting at times when her father wasn't drinking, when he was kind and charming and attentive, to believe that it was over, that he would never pick up another drink or pop another pill. But it always seemed that just when she began to count on that, he would fall off the wagon and the vicious cycle would all begin again. It had taken her a long time to get past the anger she felt about her childhood, anger that was aimed at, not just her father, but both of her parents. Her father for BEING a drunk and her mother for not being able to stop him. 

It had taken even longer to move past the belief that if she'd just been a better daughter, if her mother had just been a better wife, if her father had simply loved them more; he wouldn't need to drink. She had the Bartlets to thank for her coming to terms with the fact that all that simply wasn't true. That her father's drinking was an illness, a disease and that it had nothing to do with how much he loved or didn't love anyone other than himself. 

After her father had gone into rehab, Abbey and Jed Bartlet had sat down with her and her mother insisting quite firmly that they should attend Alateen and Al-Anon meetings. They had, and for the first time, Mallory had seen that she wasn't the only person who lived the life that she had led, or felt the things that she had felt. The first time she had been told that it was okay to be angry and hurt and ashamed. The first time she'd come to understand that her father didn't drink or drug himself stupid to hurt her or because she wasn't a good enough daughter but because he was sick, an addict. He still was and always would be. She knew that he continued to fight the demons of alcohol and drugs and always would. But, fought them, he had, and since he'd been Jed Bartlet's Chief of Staff, he'd been winning that battle to remain clean and sober. It was pretty evident that he was simply replacing one addiction for another – workaholism – but that was an addiction she could live with. Obviously, it was not one that he could live with. 

Tenderly she rubbed her hand up and down her father's arm. They had worked hard to repair and rebuild their father/daughter relationship, both understanding that they could never get back the years of her childhood as much as they might want that. But rather than dwell on the negative, they had moved forward, unwilling to lose anymore years. Her parents divorce had drawn them even closer. She'd worried about him, tried to keep an eye on him, terrified that he might fall back to his old ways. Her mother had always taken care of him. He wasn't self sufficient like Uncle Jed who, because of Aunt Abbey's job as a surgeon, had to share the workload at home and knew how to cook and do laundry and run the dishwasher. She'd been afraid for him, afraid that he couldn't handle being alone. She hadn't had those same worries about her mother. Jenny was stronger, always had been. She'd had to put up with so much during her marriage – the long hours at work, the drinking, the drugs, the women, and the strain of putting on a good face to the world. She could survive easily on her own, so it was Leo that Mallory had really worried about. 

But now, just when she'd finally stopped worrying about them, her mother was happily remarried, her father happy in his work, THIS had to happen. It just wasn't fair. How could she lose her father when she'd only really just found him? She quickly placed a hand over her lips trying to stifle a soft sob. She wasn't quite successful. 

"Don't...Cry." 

She looked up to see her father's eyes flicker weakly. He was awake. 

"Daddy, I'm here." She stood and ran a hand over his brow. "I love you." 

Tears welled as looked into the face he never thought he'd see again and thought about those last moments before he'd blacked out, all the regrets he'd had. "Love you too...Sorry...So sorry..." 

"Sorry for what?" she frowned. 

"Everything...You deserved a better...father...I missed so much." 

"It's okay, Daddy." 

"No, it's not. You deserved someone...who was there for you...Not a miserable drunk." 

"Hey, don't talk about my father like that." She wiped the tear that eked its way from the corner of his eye. 

"Forgive me?" 

Mallory swallowed tightly. "I did that a long time ago, Daddy. I'm proud of you. I'm proud that you're my Dad." 

**** 

Outside Leo's room in ICU, Jed sat elbows resting on his thighs. Abbey ran her fingers through his thick hair. 

"Are you all right?" 

"Yeah. It's just hard to see him like that. Helpless, all those tubes and machines." 

How well Abbey knew of what he spoke. Four years ago she had spent an entire night holding Jed's hand in ICU while he was hooked up to all those machines and tubes with two bullet holes in his torso. Being a doctor had meant nothing at that point; she was simply a wife terrified at the thought of losing her husband. "I know it is." 

He turned, saw the clouds in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I've been pretty selfish, haven't I? You've been so great through all this, so strong and helpful. I forget how hard it has to be on you." He took her hand, pulled her down onto his lap. 

"It is hard, Jed. It's hard seeing Leo like that. And, it does bring back a lot of memories. That night holding your hand in the ICU was the worst night of my life." 

"That night?" Jed's eyes flickered with surprise. Abbey had been raped, had given birth to a stillborn child, had been kidnapped and tortured and THAT was the worst night of her life? 

"Well, that night and my last night in captivity when I didn't know if Zoey and Aislinn had made it through the woods alive. But that night...I was so afraid I was going to lose you. None of the doctors believed you were going to make it." Tears blinded her and suddenly gripped with emotion she buried her face into his neck. "I couldn't ever bear to lose you, Jed." 

"Hey," he rubbed her back for a moment then lifted her chin. "I don't plan on going anywhere." 

"You better not." She kissed him gently on the lips. 

"Uncle Jed?" Mallory was hesitant to interrupt them in such an intimate moment, but having grown up around Jed and Abbey Bartlet, it wasn't anything she hadn't seen before. "My dad's awake now if you want to go see him." 

"Yeah, I do." Abbey got off Jed's lap but when he took her hand to go with him into the room, she pulled back. She knew there were things he had to say to Leo. Things that were between the two of them. 

"You go on ahead. I'll join you later." 

Jed nodded, kissed the back of her hand then stepped into the ICU. How his wife dealt with this kind of thing – life and death – day after day, was something he had difficulty understanding. He no longer hated hospitals; he'd spent too much time in them waiting for Abbey, picking her up or hanging out in her office, for him to hate them, but they did still make him uncomfortable. Hospitals were scary. They were places where yes, new lives had been started, moving from Abbey's womb into his arms, but they were also places where lives could be snatched away, lives of the people he loved and cared about. Now Leo's life lay precariously in that balance of life and death. 

Approaching the bed, he felt a lump forming in his throat. It was hard to believe that it was Leo lying there in that hospital gown, gray-faced, mouth covered by an oxygen mask, gray hair mussed and sweaty and tubes protruding from everywhere. His best friend was a dapper, fashionable man, always put together, hair combed just so, tie perfect, shirt pressed, jackets fitted. Unlike Jed, he wouldn't be caught dead banging around the house in a faded pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, or on the basketball court in a pair of old sweatpants and a sweaty T-shirt. He would hate to be seen this way. 

"Mr. President." It was said weakly, but just the words surprised Jed. He'd thought Leo was asleep. 

"A morphine drip and we can skip the formalities. I might get one myself; wheel it into meetings with the Joint Chiefs." As always he covered his emotions with humor, but he did take Leo's hand and bent down to talk to him. 

"You're not fired, Leo. You can delegate, work part-time, bring the morphine with you for all I care." 

Leo blinked, unable to convey any of what he was feeling. In spite of the way that he'd treated Jed, something he'd come to truly regret, the man was willing to take him back on staff and as a friend. To start over. But he could barely lift his pinkie finger, barely wiggle his toes. He knew he was a very, very, sick man and that it was just not to be. "You remember what you told me when you offered me the job?" 

Jed nodded. "I need you to jump off a cliff." 

"And I did. And I'd do it again, but you need a new Chief of Staff." 

Jed was silent, digesting Leo's words. He was right. His offer had been made out of loyalty and to let Leo know he truly did want him back on the job, even if that was not to be, and Leo completely understood the spirit in which it had been given. Still it was hard to swallow. Leo was his Bobby – the man he trusted to have his back. 

"We came here to spend our time on something that would outlast us. I just thought we'd have a longer line of credit, is all. I'm going to need that list of names." 

Leo had been thinking about just that since he woke up. It hadn't been a difficult choice. "Only one name." 

Jed cocked a brow. 

"CJ." 

That wasn't the name Jed had expected to hear. "CJ?" 

Leo nodded weakly. "You need someone...to have your back. You can trust...CJ." 

Jed thought on it a moment. Every member on the list he'd been forming in his mind had his or her own agenda. CJ was no different in that regard. The difference, however, was that she didn't act on it. She rarely slipped up, the way Josh routinely did and she didn't sulk and stew and argue the way Toby did. She wouldn't hesitate to give him her opinion or advice but she also knew when the decision was made that it was over and she needed to act on the President's command. CJ knew when to push and when to back off. That made her different. 

"She...believes in you." 

Affection touched Jed's heart. He felt differently about CJ than he did his other staff members. She was the little sister he'd never had and she defended him as strongly as any little sister would her big brother. "That she does. It's not going to be easy. You've got some pretty big shoes to fill." 

"Will be an adjustment," Leo agreed. 

"A definite adjustment. There is no one I trust more in the world than Abbey and you." 

Leo nodded, eyes welling. 

"And speaking of Abbey, I better go let her and the staff in. They've been patiently waiting." He gave Leo's hand a final squeeze and turned to leave. 

**** 

Everyone stood as Jed entered the waiting room. Even as exhausted as he was, authority fairly emanated from him and all attention was drawn to him. 

"I never took a moment to thank you all for your work at Camp David and for holding the building together – well, not exactly together – in Leo's absence. It's been a rocky couple of days and that's my fault, no one else's. We're going to meet with the joint leadership tomorrow and hash out a deal on that tax cut. Even then we've got some fences to mend at the U.N., so I imagine we'll see some pretty rough third and fourth day stories. But you know what? There'll be a fifth day, and a sixth, and seventh after that. So..." Unexpected tears came to his eyes as it suddenly hit him that Leo would not be there for those days. Abbey took a step toward him but he quickly regained his composure. "Go spend some time with my outgoing Chief of Staff, 'cause then we've got work to do." 

The staff filed out, Abbey gently brushing Jed's arm with her hand as she passed him. Only she really knew just how hard that statement had been for him. 

"CJ." Jed stopped his press secretary. She turned. "There's something I need you to do for me." 

"What's that?" 

"Jump off a cliff." 

Her brow furrowed with confusion. 

"We'll talk about it on the ride back," he added. 

"Yes, sir." 

**** 

Leo looked up into Abbey's concerned, pretty face. As always her emotions played out so openly in those lovely green eyes. He noted with amusement that she held his chart in her hand. A slight Leo-smirk touched his lips. 

"Say it," he said. 

"Say what?" 

"I told you so." 

She smiled gently. "I should have kicked your ass all the way to the clinic for that EKG. You stubborn Irishmen are all alike." 

"Tried." Leo's voice was weak. Abbey bent forward to make it easier for him to converse. 

"Tried what, Leo?" 

"Tried to get to you...At the lodge...Pain hit me hard...Tried to get to your cabin..." 

"You did?" Abbey brushed the hair back off his face, tears stinging at the thought of him helpless, alone, in agony, and trying to get to her for help. She'd been making love with Jed, she thought with a start. While Leo had been in the woods dying, she and Jed had been wrapped in each other's arms in an act that she now knew had been comfort and succor to husband. 

"You were right," he admitted. 

"Of course I was. And, when you're feeling better, you're going to get an earful. But, not tonight. Tonight, I just want you to know how happy I am that you're still with us. Feel better, Leo." She touched his forehead lightly with her lips then stood to face the staff who were all waiting their turn to offer support to their friend. "Not long," she warned them as she left the room. "He needs his rest." 

**** 

She found Jed lost in thought, alone in the waiting room. She sat beside him, silent, not touching him. Finally he broke the silence. 

"It's CJ." 

"What's CJ?" 

"My new Chief of Staff. Oh, shit, Abs, I never thought I'd be saying those words." 

"I know, baby." She took his hand, ran a thumb over his knuckles. "So, it's CJ, huh?" 

"What do you think?" 

"I'm surprised. But, I think it's a good choice. CJ's tough and she's fair and she cares about you. She has good rapport with the press and she won't piss off everyone who wants a few minutes of your time." 

"Yeah, I shudder to think about what things would be like around the Oval with either Josh or Toby at the helm. I have more important things to deal with than all the feathers they'd ruffle." 

Abbey gave a soft chuckle. "They need to stay where they are, I think. Josh has too much ego for the job. You'd be creating a monster and you're going to need him legislatively. And Toby, well, you'd end up in a fist fight by the end of the first week." 

Jed gave her a tired smile. It was probably true. While he respected Toby, he could only take the man in small doses. 

"What about Will?" Abbey asked. She couldn't mask the slight distaste she felt at saying his name. She still wasn't quite over the way she'd heard him talking about Jed. 

Jed shook his head negatively. "He's got the military experience, but I'm comfortable there now, or at least as comfortable as I ever will be. Leo and Fitz were damn good mentors. I don't have a strong enough sense of Will. I don't know who he is at heart. It has to be CJ. It has to be someone I can trust politically and on a personal level. I know CJ's heart and I trust her." 

"Trust is extremely important." 

"Yes, it is. Leo and I lost that somewhere along the way, but we'll find it again. We have a second chance." 

"Yes, you do." A fist squeezed Abbey's heart. How like her husband it was to believe in that. He was so loyal and forgiving, and while he harbored his share of grudges, when it came to the people he loved, there was always slack to be cut. Instead of focusing on the things that hurt him, Jed always looked forward, always looked to a way to fix it rather than dwell on it. 

"Aunt Abbey, Uncle Jed?" 

Mallory looked exhausted and emotionally wiped out, her eyes dark circles in her pale face. But, it wasn't HER appearance that brought them to their feet. It was the tall, thin man at her side. "This is my husband Paul." 

"Ahh, so you're the one that took our Mallory away leaving us without a proper wedding send off." 

Paul squirmed under the President's speculative eyes. 

"Jed, stop it." Abbey elbowed him then turned her charming smile on the man. "Don't mind him, he has a thing for weddings. I'm Abigail Bartlet and it's a pleasure to meet you." 

"The pleasure is mine, ma'am. Mallory's told me so much about you and your family." Paul cast a nervous look toward Jed who finally held a hand out to him. 

"Good to meet you, Paul. There's just one thing that you're going to want to remember. That's my goddaughter you're married to, and she's very special to me. You just make sure that you're good to her. I have the entire might of the U.S. military at the tip of my finger." 

"Daddy!" Ellie chastised him. "You'll have to excuse him, Paul. He's been like this ever since my older sister Elizabeth began dating and it hasn't stopped yet." 

"Just taking care of my girls," Jed stated firmly. "Paul and I have an understanding now, don't we, Paul?" 

Paul grinned. Mallory had told him all about Jed Bartlet. He was very important to her and it was now obvious to him that the feeling was mutual. "Yes, we do. But, you don't have to worry, Sir. I love Mallory very much. I intend to always be good to her." 

Jed nodded and turned to Mallory. "I think I like this one, Mal." 

She laughed. "That's a relief since we're already legal." 

"I think it's time that we all think about heading back to the White House," Abbey said. "Leo needs his rest and I don't know about the rest of you but I'm sleeping on my feet here." 

"Actually that's what I was coming to tell you. I appreciate the offer to stay with you, but my mother just called from the airport. She and Jeffrey just landed so I'm going to go home and stay with them and bring her up to speed." 

"Well, we'll at least drop you off." 

"No, need," Sam said. "Ellie and I will give them a lift. You guys go home and get some sleep. I hear you were running almost 24 hours a day at Camp David." 

"Pretty much," Jed rubbed his weary eyes. 

"By the way, we haven't had the chance to talk much about that and I know this isn't the time to get into it, but I just wanted to let you know how great I think it is that you brokered that peace agreement. I knew if anyone could do it, it would be you." 

"Why me?" 

"Because you have more faith in people than anyone I know." 

"The same could be said about you. I appreciate your support, Sam. Many of your colleagues didn't share your assessment about me." 

"That's because they don't know you the way that I do. Anyway, I just wanted you to know how I feel." 

"Thank you, Sam." He turned to Ellie with a little smirk. "I like this one too." A sweet smile touched Ellie's lips, something that gave Jed great delight. 

"Let's go home, Jed." Abbey started to lead him away. 

"Wait, the doctors, we need to..." 

"I already told the doctors to call us if there are any changes. Come on, there's nothing more here that you can do or fix. Your watch is over, Mr. President." 

**** 

"Mommy, can I go wake Daddy up now?" Nicholas asked. 

"MAY I go wake Daddy up now and, no, you may not." Abbey sat between the children at the breakfast table in the solarium to eliminate any ideas they might have of a food fight. "What did I tell you earlier?" Wearily she sipped from her mug of coffee, closing her eyes with delight at the first swallow of her favorite brew. 

"Daddy's tired," he sighed. 

"And he needs his sleep," Aislinn added. 

"'Cause he's been berry, berry busy." 

Jed's yawn turned to a laugh at the idea of him being busy with berries. 

"Daddy, you're awake!" Both children scrambled down from their booster seats to wrap their arms around his legs. 

"Well, I'm not sure if I'm exactly 'awake' yet but I'm up. I missed you guys yesterday." He pulled them along to a chair, sat down, then lifted them up onto his lap. Abbey brought him a steaming mug of coffee, which he accepted gratefully. 

"We missed you, Daddy." Aislinn was intently running her fingers through his hair – spiking it up, while a still sleepy Nicholas curled up against his chest sucking his thumb – something he only did now when tired or upset. Abbey smiled over the rim of her mug. This was exactly what her husband needed. A dose of the twins could recharge his batteries more quickly than anything but a little afternoon delight. 

"Ahh, look at this. Breakfast is here." Jed's stomach rumbled as the fragrant breakfast cart was wheeled out onto the sunny solarium. 

"Thank you, Alan." Abbey gave the steward a nod of acknowledgment. He nodded formally back at her. 

"Thank you, Alan," Nicholas and Aislinn parroted their mother. This time Alan's formal nod toward the children included a slight smile. 

"Will there be anything else, sir, ma'am?" 

"No, Alan, we're all set, thanks." 

"We ordered waffles!" Nicholas hopped off his father's lap just as his mother began passing around the plates. 

"Waffles sound good to me. I'm starved." 

"Because you didn't eat anything but a few _hors d'oevres_ at the peace signing yesterday," Abbey reminded him. 

"Neither did you." 

"I had a carton of yogurt at the hospital." 

He rolled his eyes. "I was talking about FOOD." 

"Yogurt IS food, Jed." 

"I like gogurt," Aislinn told him. 

"Okay, I get it. I'm outnumbered. Speaking of the hospital, have you heard anything?" 

"I called this morning. Everything looks good, Leo was resting comfortably when I called." 

"Mommy, are we getting a new baby?" 

Abbey coughed, choked on her coffee. Jed's eyes widened with shock then wary speculation. 

"What?" she sputtered. "Aislinn, why would you ask that?" 

"'Cause you went to the pospital. That's where Sarah's mommy got her baby." 

"Well, yes, babies are born at hospitals, but there are other reasons to be at a hospital." 

"We aren't getting a new baby?" 

"No." 

"Are you sure?" Aislinn was wistful. 

"Sorry, honey, but I'm very sure." 

"How do you know?" 

"Because a woman knows when she's going to have a baby." 

"How?" 

Jed's lips twitched with restrained laughter. 

"Uh, anytime you want to help out here." Abbey's eyes lasered in on him. 

"Wouldn't dream of it, darling. You're doing so well." 

Aislinn's eyes remained fixed on Abbey, waiting for her answer. 

"Well, sometimes they feel sick, and sometimes they throw up and then their bellies get really big. Remember the pictures I showed you of when I had you and Nicholas inside of me?" 

Aislinn nodded. "You were REALLY fat." 

Jed did laugh then stopping abruptly when Abbey's toes connected with his calf. 

"Ow, that hurt," he complained. 

"You're lucky it was your leg." 

Aislinn's little shoulders slumped forward. "We're not gonna have a baby. You don't frow up and you don't have any big belly." 

"Nope, sorry. Mommy and Daddy were at the hospital yesterday because Uncle Leo is very sick." 

Nicholas paused in dipping his fingers in the maple syrup puddles that filled the crevices of his waffle. "Did you fix him?" He was nonchalant because he knew his mother fixed people who were sick. 

"No, baby," Abbey ruffled his hair. "I didn't fix him but another doctor did." 

"Is Uncle Leo all better?" 

"Not yet, but he will be. I was thinking that it would be fun today if we made him some get well cards." 

Jed bit into a piece of crispy bacon. "You're not working today?" 

"No. I haven't called Jerry to put myself back on rotation at the clinic and my schedule was cleared because we didn't know how long the peace talks would go, so I'm footloose and fancy free. The kids don't have school today so I thought I'd spend the day with them. Decompress." 

"Sounds like fun." 

"We're gonna play _Chutes and Ladders_." Nicholas told him. 

"Nuh uh," Aislinn protested. "I wanna play _Candyland_." 

"No arguing," Abbey admonished. "You've got me all day. We can play both." 

"And we're gonna go swimming and make Uncle Leo cards too." Nicholas looked to his mother for affirmation, which was given with a nod of her head. 

"Well, sounds like you're going to have a lot more fun today than me." 

"You can play too, Daddy." 

"I'd love to, squirt." Jed kissed the back of his son's pudgy syrup sticky hand. "But I have to work today." He shoved his chair out and got to his feet. Abbey joined him. She wrapped her arms around his waist. 

"I wish you could take the day to decompress too." 

"I know." He traced a finger over her brow. 

"Try to come home in time for supper. If you can't stay, at least take a break." 

"I will. Save a game or two for me, I'm sure I can grab a couple hours to spend with you guys." He kissed her lightly on the lips his big hand spreading warmly over her flat stomach. "Nope, no fat belly, no baby." 

"Smart ass." She smacked him on the rear and listened to him laugh all the way to the stairwell. 


	14. Altered Lives

"I thought I told you to give me at least an hour before you coming poking and prodding again." Leo opened his eyes to glare at the nurse but was instead confronted with the amused face of his ex-wife. 

"Jenny." His smile was both sheepish and sincere. 

"You never were a good patient." 

Leo was no longer in the ICU and his room was filled with flowers and cards. Uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, Jenny scanned the cards that sat atop the flowers. Cards from some of the most powerful, influential people in the world – the Secretary of State, the Vatican, the Secretary General of the U.N.... 

"Who's Gerald?" 

"What?" 

"This card from the British Ambassador is addressed to Gerald." 

"Inside joke." 

"Hmm.." There was a time when she might have been in on that joke. Beside Leo's bed, strategically placed where he could turn his head and see them, were two huge cards made out of construction paper and decorated with stickers, glitter, crooked smiley faces, and two names in shaky large letters that left her feeling wistful. 

"These are from Aislinn and Nicholas?" 

"Yeah," a tender smile crossed Leo's lips. "Abbey brought them by. She and the kids spent the afternoon making them the day after my surgery." 

"I haven't seen them in ages, not since the christening when they were still babes in arms." The enclosed picture showed two smiling blond children – one with curling hair, one straight, one with blue eyes, one with green and both with dimples in their right cheeks like their mother. They were beautiful, captured on film by a loving parent while they worked on their cards for "Uncle Leo". 

"And whose fault is that?" 

"What?" 

"I have it on pretty good authority that Abbey has invited you to join her and Millie on those girls only weekends for the past few years and you've declined." 

"Abbey told you that?" A flash of temper made its way through the veneer of concern. 

"No, Mallory did. She still goes with them. You should too. You were all good friends once. I hate to think that our divorce took that away." 

"Not our divorce," she assured him. "Maybe my reaction to it. I guess in the beginning I was so bitter and resentful that you'd chosen your job over our marriage that I didn't want anything to do with the White House. Unfortunately that meant Jed and Abbey too. I feel bad about that. They didn't do anything to deserve my cold shoulder." 

"No, they didn't." 

"I needed the distance, Leo. I needed to distance myself from all of it. Then I met Jeffrey and it just wasn't the same. Of course Abbey and Jed were polite when we were together, but it was awkward and uncomfortable and we just fell out of touch. It happens." 

"I know." His own job and lifestyle was not conducive to the maintenance of good friendships either. That was why Jed and Abbey were so important to him. 

"Well, I didn't come here to rehash our divorce. I wanted to see how you were doing. Mallory's kept me up to speed, but I figured I'd come see for myself." 

"Is old Jeff here?" 

"No. But, he knows that I came to visit you. He knows I still care about you, about what happens to you. We had a lot of years together, a lot of ups and downs." 

"Mostly downs. I'm sorry for that. When I was lying there on the ground alone in the woods and I knew I was going to die, I thought a lot about that. About how I'd let first, the booze and the pills, and then my job consume me. About how I pushed everyone away and that I deserved to be alone." 

"No one deserves to be alone at a time like that, Leo." 

"Come on, Jen. You used to complain all the time about how I was never home and that even when I was home I was never emotionally available. What's wrong with me? Why am I like that?" 

"I don't know, Leo. I just don't know. Everyone is wired differently." 

"I watch Jed with Abbey and the kids and sometimes I'm so envious it hurts. But, even while I'm envying them, I know that I don't have it in me. I could never emotionally connect that way. I get irritated when Jed wants to take time out to call Abbey when we're already behind schedule or when he takes a morning off to bring his kids to their first day of school. Imagine that," his laugh was harsh, bitter and caused him to grimace in pain. "I get irritated because he's being a good husband and father." 

"Is that all?" She still knew him very well. Leo did not get irritated with people for being good. 

"And maybe because I feel guilty because I know that I wouldn't have done it – wouldn't have even thought to do it." 

"Because to you the work always came first. I finally understood that, Leo. I couldn't live with it, but I understood it." 

"Do you have that now with Jeffrey?" 

"The kind of connection that Abbey and Jed have?" 

He nodded. 

"No. That kind of connection is, I think, very rare. Very special. But what I have with Jeffrey is good. He's kind and thoughtful. He calls me when he's going to be late. He remembers my birthday. We don't have all those ups and downs. We're on a nice, steady, even keel." 

Leo scowled. "Sounds boring." 

Jenny laughed; it was the same thing that Abbey had said to her. "Maybe it is, but after twenty six years of crazy ups and downs, I was ready for a little boring." 

"I imagine that you were. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, not just for the years that I was such a mess, but for what I said that night when I told you that my work was more important than our marriage." 

"Leo, did you mean it?" 

He was silent for a long moment knowing how hurtful it had been for her to hear that. "I'm ashamed to admit that I did." 

"Then don't apologize. I needed to hear the truth and I'm grateful to you for not just placating me and then leading me on. We both would have been miserable. It was better for both of us to end it the way that we did." 

Leo nodded, reached out his hand. "I'm glad we can still be friends." She smiled and squeezed it. 

"Me too." 

**** 

"LOOK at all the TOYS!" Aislinn twirled around in glee while Nicky's eyes grew wide with surprise. Toys R' Us had opened an hour early for the First Lady and her children to do a little shopping. It was the twins' first visit to a toy store and their surprise and awe caused Abbey to reflect on how different their upbringing had been so far compared to her three elder daughters. 

"There are a lot of them. But remember we're here to pick out a stuffed animal for Uncle Leo." 

"And one toy for us," Nicholas reminded her. 

"Yes, you can each pick out one toy." 

"Oh, MOMMY," Aislinn's eyes widened, her mouth dropping in awe. "Lookit at all the BABIES." 

Smiling tenderly, Abbey followed her daughter down an aisle filled with every kind of doll imaginable. Examining each doll with a critical eye, hugging some that weren't packaged to her chest, Aislinn was in heaven. 

"Are you going to pick out a new baby doll for your toy?" Abbey finally asked her. 

Biting her lower lip, Aislinn looked at the doll her father had given her last year when he had come on a visit to New Hampshire while she'd been away from him. Slowly she picked it back up, held her to her chest and shook her head negatively. 

"Baby Lissie might get sad if I get a new dolly." 

"I think she'd understand that you have enough love in your heart for a dozen dolls." Abbey turned to make sure one of the other members in her heart wasn't getting himself into trouble only to face an empty aisle. An instinctive stab of panic jolted through her system, that universal paralyzing moment of sheer parental terror when one realized that their beloved child was missing. 

"Nicholas!" The name was sharp, laced with fear, and then she remembered with relief that they were the only customers in the store and that the Secret Service had the entrance and exits blocked off. 

"I'm here, Mommy." His voice came from two aisles over. 

"Don't ever leave me like that without telling me where you're going." 

"I don't want to look at dollies no more." 

"Any more. And, that's fine, but you need to tell me where you're going. I was worried." 

"I'm right here." He looked up at her with a frown. 

Abbey sighed. "I see that now." 

"I wanna get this truck to play in my sandbox." He pointed to a large bulldozer that would push and lift the sand. 

"Okay, if that's your choice." She lifted the bulldozer and placed it in the cart. Much to her surprise, Aislinn abandoned her dolly search and instead decided to choose a dump truck that she and Nicholas could fill with the sand from his bulldozer. Once their choices had been made, they wandered slowly toward the stuffed animal section . Slowly, because the children were interested in seeing everything available, and since they didn't frequent toy stores, Abbey was busy writing down the things that grabbed their attention for future Christmas shopping ideas. Finally, they made it to the stuffed animals. But, getting two children to agree on which stuffed animal would be perfect for Uncle Leo to use for chest protection was like a battle at the U.N.. Abbey was frazzled. They had whittled the choices down to a golden retriever puppy, Aislinn's choice, and a tiger, Nicky's choice, but neither wanted to concede. About to give in and purchase both even if Leo didn't need two, Abbey found the perfect animal. Tucked away at the back of a higher shelf was an extremely soft plush panda bear that the twins immediately fell in love with and agreed would be perfect because they had a dog named Panda. Shaking her head with amusement at how the mind of a child worked, Abbey nevertheless was grateful to have the bickering over and they made their way to the front of the store to make their purchases. 

**** 

"Well, well, well, what have we got here?" Grinning, Jed rose from behind his desk. Aislinn pranced into the room in a pale pink leotard and matching pink tulle tutu skirt that was embedded with silk rose petals. Little ballet slippers graced her tiny feet. Gilt blond curls tumbled from a high ponytail and her pretty green eyes were shining with excitement. She was the epitome of angelic femininity. 

"I went to dance class!" 

"I see that." He lifted her up into his arms. "And you look like cotton candy – pink and yellow and fluffy and good enough to eat." He nuzzled into her neck with growl. 

"Stop it, Daddy!" She giggled and pushed at his head to keep him from tickling her with his beard and raspberry blowing lips. "I'm NOT cotton candy." 

"You sure could have fooled me." Placing a kiss on her soft brow, he looked over her head to where Abbey stood by the couch watching them. "So how was dance class? Tell me all about it." 

"Your daughter is a born performer, loved every minute of it." 

Aislinn nodded with excitement. "It was fun! Miss Tasha let us do somersaults." 

"Well, that's something you're very good at." 

"Uh huh. Did you know Mommy took dance class when she was a little girl? Just like me." 

"I believe she might have mentioned something about that once or twice. Your mom is a pretty decent dancer." 

"Pretty decent? Don't let him kid, you Ash, I'm a VERY good dancer. But your dad took dance lessons too." Abbey smirked and Jed scowled. She knew very well that he didn't like the topic of the ballroom dance lessons his mother had made him take as a young boy becoming common knowledge. 

"Do you like to dance, Daddy?" 

"I like to dance with your mom." A heated glance passed from husband to wife before Jed turned his attention back to the little girl at his feet. "So, show me something you learned today. Give me a spin, a pirouette." 

Face scrunched with concentration, Aislinn placed her feet in ballet first position then went on her tippy toes with arms over her head. 

"Very good," Jed clapped. "Now, how about a little tap." 

"I can't tap on the CARPET." 

"Sure you can. Show me some shuffles." 

"I need my tap shoes, Mommy." She turned from him to tug at the dance bag that dangled from her mother's fingertips. 

"You don't need your tap shoes. You can't hear the taps on the carpet anyway. Just show him with your ballet slippers." 

A loud sigh of discontent accompanied Aislinn's turn from her mother back to her father. 

"Did she just roll her eyes at me?" Disbelief rang through Abbey's question. 

Jed chuckled. "I think she did." 

"She's THREE. I thought I had a few more years before that lovely little move became part of her repertoire." 

"She's learned from the best. Like mother, like daughter." 

"What do you mean by that?" 

"You do roll your eyes, especially at me." 

"You MAKE me roll my eyes at you." 

"Mommy, Daddy, sssh...I'm gonna tap." Placing her hands on her hips, Aislinn made an exaggerated swing of her foot forward and then back in the shuffle she had learned in class and nearly toppled over with the effort. 

Abbey glanced at her watch. "That's very good, but I think the show's over, tiny dancer. We need to go upstairs to pick up Nicholas so we can head over to Uncle Leo's apartment. And, you young lady, need to change." 

"I don't wanna change." 

"You need to take off your tutu." 

"I don't wanna take off my tutu." 

"Aislinn, you aren't wearing your tutu to Uncle Leo's. It's for dance class." 

"I LOVE my tutu. I wanna wear my tutu FOREBER." 

An amused grin played on Jed's face as mother and daughter bickered all the way out the door. 

**** 

"Mallory, I'm not an invalid." 

"I never said that you were. Now would you just stop complaining." 

"You should go home to your husband, I'll be fine. I hired a nurse and..." catching the homey scent of food cooking he paused and sniffed the air. "What's that?" 

"Surprise." Abbey stepped into the hall with a twin in each hand. Leo glanced up, noticed the banner hanging that welcomed him home and the flowers that filled his living room with a cheerful warmth it never had held before. It was amazing what a woman's touch could do – a few flowers and food bubbling on the stove and suddenly the stark place where he merely slept felt like a home. 

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked. 

"Why do you think? We wanted to be here to welcome you home." 

Leo read easily between the lines. Because you don't have anyone else waiting here for you and we didn't want you coming home to an empty apartment was what she really meant to say. He loved her for the thoughtfulness, felt a pang at the pity. Truth be told, now that he was on the road to recovery he was feeling rather pitiful and quite sorry for himself. 

"Jed wanted to come with us but he got stuck on some big conference call with the U.N.." 

"Problem with the peace agreement?" 

"Just ironing out details. Now, no more shop talk. I don't want you worrying about anything, let alone peace in the Middle East. Kids," she looked down at the twins. Each clutched at the fabric of her slacks and hid behind her legs. They'd been warned to be careful with Uncle Leo, that he'd had his chest cut open in surgery to fix his bad heart and now they were eyeing him warily. "Don't you have something for Uncle Leo?" she prodded. 

Big eyes blinked at him. Leo grinned. "Come on, guys, it's your old Uncle Leo. I don't bite." 

The familiar craggy grin and voice brought the children out from behind Abbey. They raced back into the living room and returned, Nicholas carrying a stuffed animal and Aislinn hanging onto the string of a foil helium balloon that read "We Love You". He found as the little girl got closer that the signatures of all the senior staff were scrawled across it. But it was her outfit that caught his eye. A pink leotard, tutu, and red cowboy boots. He looked to Abbey. 

"Is this the latest in children's fashion?" 

"Aislinn is just expressing her individuality." 

"Couldn't get her to change, eh?" 

Abbey laughed. "You have to learn to pick your battles." 

Still staring at him, not sure what to expect, Nicholas hesitantly held the animal out. 

"Well, what have we got here?" Leo adopted a warm tone to put the boy at ease. 

"It's a bear to hold to your heart when you cough or laugh so it doesn't hurt." 

Leo looked down at the soft furry panda bear, the sting of tears touching his eyes as he saw the bib the bear wore. A bib decorated by the First Family in brightly colored fabric paint to say "Get Well Soon" and signed by Abbey, Jed, Nicholas, Aislinn, Zoey, Ellie and Elizabeth in absentia. 

"I know they gave you a pillow at the hospital," Abbey explained. "But, we wanted you to have something special, so whenever you don't feel good or you're in pain, you can look at the bear and remember there are a lot of people out there who love you and are pulling for you." Gently, Abbey kissed his cheek. Face flushed with emotion, Leo turned to the two little ones who were still staring at him with slight trepidation. 

"How about a hug?" 

"We're 'posed to be careful 'cause Mommy said you have a really big boo boo over your heart," Nicholas said. 

"'Cause it wasn't working right and the doctors hadda fix it," Aislinn added. 

"Yes, they sure did, but you can hug me right here." He tapped his good leg and each child gave him a gentle hug against that leg. Touched, Leo let his hand fall to run his fingertips over the silky child-hair he hadn't felt in ages. 

"Well, who's ready for some supper?" Abbey wanted to get Leo off his feet. 

"Me, me!" The twins began to dance around Abbey's legs and she shooed them off to the small dining nook where she'd already set the table. 

Leo raised a brow. "You made supper? How long have you been here?" 

"Long enough to make your favorite minestrone soup. I knew you wouldn't feel like anything heavy but I figured some soup, low sodium of course, and fresh homemade wholegrain bread straight from the kitchen of the White House would be just what the doctor ordered." 

Seeing Leo wince as he walked, Mallory stopped and changed direction. "I'm going to go get your slippers for you, Dad, so you can take off your shoes." She'd been warned about the swelling from the vein that had been removed from his leg. Abbey, too, was aware of what kind of discomfort bypass patients dealt with. 

"Your leg hurts?" 

"Yeah," he groaned as he sat down at the table. "Worse than my chest." 

"That's not uncommon. Let's prop them up to decrease the swelling." She laid a pillow on another chair and lifted Leo's legs to rest on it. But, when she started to remove his shoes he stopped her. 

"What?" 

"Just don't, okay?" 

"You don't want me to take off your shoes?" 

"No." 

"Leo, you'd be much more comfortable." 

His face reddened. She realized he was embarrassed and frowned. "Leo?" 

"They made me wear damned support hose, all right! I didn't want you to see them." 

She sighed. "Hells bells, Leo, I'm a thoracic surgeon, do you think it's the first time I've seen someone wearing support stockings. For goodness sake, most heart patients have to wear them for a time." 

He shrugged. "Yeah, well they aren't me. They're ugly and they..." 

"They what?" 

"They make me feel like an old man." 

She smiled tenderly. "You aren't an old man, Leo, but you are an old fool and I'm not going to let you cut off your nose to spite your face." She untied his shoes and slipped them off, wincing at the sight of his tightly swollen leg encased in the heavy knee high hose. "Those stockings are just a tool that are going to make you get well faster." 

"They're still ugly." 

"I'll give you that," she laughed. "Now, why don't you tell me why you were giving Mal such a hard time when you were coming through the door. She wants to be here, she wants to help you. Why are you pushing her away?" 

"I don't deserve her." Pain shimmered on the softly spoken words. 

"What do you mean you don't deserve her?" 

"I don't deserve her looking out for me, She has a life, a husband, a job. She needs to get home." 

"What the hell does that have to do with anything? Leo, you're her family. When things like this happen to family you put your life on hold." 

He hung his head in shame. "I never did. I never put my life on hold for her and Jenny. I was hardly ever there for her when she was growing up, Abbey. Why should she be here for me?" 

"Because she's your daughter and she loves you." 

"It makes me feel guilty." 

"Well, tough. You messed up when Mallory was growing up, no one is going to deny that. But the past is in the past. Mal has put it behind her and now you need to put it behind YOU." 

Pity was the last thing Leo needed when he was feeling so maudlin and sorry for himself. Abbey had hit the right note with the gentle kick to the ass. Enough so that he allowed Mallory to put on his slippers without an argument. 

Once he was settled in, Abbey ladled out the soup to everyone, biting her tongue when Leo scowled over the no-salt, butter substitute she'd placed before him to take care of his bread. 

"By the way," she stood next to Leo's chair. "The panda was from the family. This is from me and Jed." She laughed when she saw his grimace as he read the title. 

"What is it, Dad?" Mallory asked. 

" _The Healthy Heart Cookbook for Dummies_ ," he told her. 

Abbey pointed a finger into his face stating sternly "Use it, Leo. We don't want to go down this path again." 

He nodded and set it aside. 

"Mommy, can me and Nicky say the blessing?" 

"Sure." She sat and held her hands out to join the circle. Recently, Jed had been working with the children on their mealtime prayer and they had taken over saying the blessing at their family meals. It was something they relished doing as it made them feel grown up and important. They spoke slowly and clearly as their father had taught them. 

"Bless us, O Lord, for these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ our Lord we pray. Amen." 

"Amen." 

"That was very well done," Leo told them. "I'm impressed." 

"Our daddy teached us, and Mommy helped." Nicholas dunked his bread into his soup and filled his mouth with a gusto Leo wished he felt. Instead, in spite of how delicious the soup was, a couple of bites were all he could manage. 

Noticing that he was merely swirling his spoon through the soup and seeing the fatigue on his face, Abbey placed a hand over his. 

"Not hungry?" 

"I'm sorry, Abbey. The soup is delicious, but I just don't seem to have much of an appetite." 

"And you're tired." It wasn't a question. "This is all very normal, Leo. It's going to take you some time to recover. Why don't you go lie down while Mallory and I clean up." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Leo." She eased his legs slowly off the pillow and Mallory helped him to his feet. "Go." 

"Okay, okay." 

"Kids, tell Uncle Leo good-bye, we'll be leaving soon." 

"Bye, Uncle Leo." This time they hugged his good leg without any trepidation and the smiles on their faces showed none of their earlier wariness. 

"Thank you for coming." Leo again felt a lump forming in his throat. "This was nice." 

Abbey smiled warmly. "You're very welcome." 

For a moment, Leo watched them, the two young children carefully taking the bowls from the table to bring to their mother to wash in the sudsy water she had filled the sink with, while Mallory put away the butter and wrapped the bread. He'd been alone for so long he'd forgotten what it was like to be surrounded by people who cared about him. 

"I'm going to add my thanks to my father's." Mallory took the wet dish Abbey handed her and began to dry it. "It was good to have you here today. You made it all more normal and less scary." 

"It has been a scary time for you. I know that." 

"I just wish I lived closer. I feel terrible having to leave him." 

"When are you going?" 

"I can stay for a couple more days, but then I really have to get back." 

"He understands that, Mal. I've talked to the nurse he's going to have looking out for him and I can tell you he'll be well taken care of." 

"But it's not the same. It's not the same as having family." 

"No, it's not. But that was his choice, Mallory, not yours and not your mother's. He made his choice. But I don't want you to worry. Jed and I will be keeping our eye on him and I'll try to pop over whenever I get a chance." 

"You'll keep me updated? Because you know all he'll say is that he's fine." 

"I'll keep you updated. I live with one those 'I'm fine's' as well. I know exactly how frustrating that can be." 

"You and Uncle Jed..." Mallory swallowed tightly, eyes swimming. "I don't know how I would have gotten through this without you. You guys really are the best." 

Abbey slipped an arm around the girl's waist. "We love you and we love your dad. Blood isn't the only thing that makes a family." 

"Well, we're lucky to have you. You've always been there for us." 

"And we always will be." 


	15. Altered Lives

Jed glanced at his watch as he reached the door to his bedroom. It was just after 11. He should be exhausted after the busy day he'd put in, but instead he was pumped. Things were really shaping up – the peace process was moving ahead nicely and he was confident that he had all the votes in Congress he would need to fund it. Still edgy with the leftover energy from the battle, he planned to strip down to his boxers, throw on his robe, and plunk down in front of the TV for an hour to unwind. Instead, he was pleased to see that his wife was still awake. 

Sitting up in bed, tucked under the covers, Abbey was reading a book. Beside her, Max took up his side of the bed, his muzzle resting on his mistress's belly while she absently stroked the top of his head. Neither of them glanced up when he entered, although Max's ears did perk. A devilish grin touched his lips as he realized that his wife was studiously trying to avoid noting his presence. Game on. With one snap of his fingers, he dismissed the dog from the bed to go curl up in his own cozy dog bed, then took the animal's place, stretching out beside Abbey, and sliding a warm hand over her abdomen. Still he was ignored. This called for desperate measures. He bent his head, found her nipple through the silky fabric of her lounging pajamas with his lips and began to nuzzle at her. The corresponding clench in her belly told him all he needed to know. She wouldn't be able to ignore him for long. 

Finally, glancing away from her book, she gazed down on him over the rim of her glasses. "I'm trying to read here." 

"I see that." He flicked his tongue across the now pebble hard nipple, the fabric adding a sensual abrasion. Her breath caught in her throat. Still, she fought it. It was always fun to make him work a little for it. 

"You're being a pest." 

"I wanna get naked and have a little barbecue." 

Her tongue ran across her dry lips. "Sorry, but I had plans for this evening." She feigned boredom with what he was doing, biting back a moan of pleasure when he nipped the rigid tip of her breast with his teeth. 

"What kind of plans?" Already he was working at unbuttoning her top. 

"I was going to finish reading my book and then maybe paint my toenails." 

He slid his hand into her pajama bottoms, under the lace of her panties, ran his index finger through the springy curls down into the damp cleft and felt her quiver in response. 

"If you do a little barbecuing, I'll paint your toenails." His other hand reached up to remove her reading glasses. She let him, her hips rising against his finger, her chest against his mouth. 

"Oh, what the hell." She tossed her book aside and happily surrendered. 

Within moments, Jed had her bottoms off and her top completely unbuttoned. His fingers were inside her body sliding lazily in and out of her, while his thumb ran circles over the swelling little nub of nerves that was the center of her pleasure. His mouth tugged and suckled on her now bare nipple creating a burgeoning heat at her very core. The climax came over her quickly, squeezing his fingers in a vice grip as she moaned his name and clutched a handful of his hair in her fist. Dazed, she barely noted that he'd removed his fingers when he started parting her thighs wider, crawling in between them and was inside her again, this time fuller, thicker, deeper. He groaned her name against her ear as he began to thrust. Long full thrusts that grew faster and harder as she responded with fingers digging into his rear to pull him deeper within her. Her knees rose higher cradling him between them while her hips caught his rhythm, rising toward him as he thrust down for maximum penetration. And then she was coming again. 

This time, even as his own body was tightening in orgasm, even as he gasped for air, he watched her. Watched her soft mossy green eyes close, her brow furrow, and her face flush. Watched her lips part in an attempt to catch her breath, her head arching back to expose the delicate perfect column of her throat. She tightened, shuddered, lost her breath, then cried out his name. This time that vice grip sent him over the edge as well. He buried his face into her neck, latched on, and, planted firmly inside her, he erupted with a harsh groan of completion. 

**** 

"You really should put your top back on." Jed held Abbey's foot against his belly trying to concentrate on sliding the peachy colored nail polish across her nail as promised. It was a task not easily accomplished considering the fact that she lay back against the propped up pillows bare-breasted, arms raised behind her head in a thoroughly wanton pose. "I'm easily distracted." 

She was amused and gratified to see the desire and appreciation that still lurked in those bright blue eyes, even after he'd been sexually satisfied. 

"It's good practice for you, will help you to focus." She stretched, lazy and cat-like, eyes slumberous with the languid satisfaction that accompanied delicious, bone melting orgasms. She was relaxed, enjoying watching her sexy, naked husband concentrate on painting her toes. Her foot lay against the light furring on his still-tanned chest. Sandy bronze hair fell over his brow lending him a boyish air and those electric blue eyes glittered with a spark of renewed lust. 

"You just like to torture me." 

She gave a soft laugh. "I won't deny that, but I'd hardly call this torture. To torture would be to deny, and I haven't denied you anything tonight, have I, baby?" Her other foot gently massaged into his crotch, felt him stir. Jed swallowed tightly. 

"Aw, shit, Abbey, look what you did." 

"Mmm...I like the looks of that." 

Puzzled, he glanced up at her then realized that while he'd been referring to the smear of nail polish that now ran down the side of her big toe rather than the nail, SHE was referring to the erection that was diligently being brought back to life by her gently massaging foot. He dabbed the polish off with remover then, seeing where her interest now lay, took himself in hand. He stroked himself as he hardened, ran the tip of his penis over the arch in her foot. 

"You want more of this?" His voice was husky, nail polish abandoned. 

"I'll show you what I want." She sat up, flipped him onto his back and slid her warm wet mouth down over the turgid length of his shaft. Within moments, he was lost in the pleasure and ecstasy of Abbey's expert mouth – a mouth that soon had him rising mindlessly, breathlessly toward another explosive peak. 

**** 

"For someone who had other plans, you sure got into the spirit of things." Jed's head lay pillowed against Abbey's breasts. Her fingers ran through his thick hair, idly teasing and twirling. 

Her sigh was one of a put upon woman. "I'm nothing if not a good sport." 

"Good sport my ass. You couldn't resist me." 

He felt the rumble of laughter in her chest. "Well, now, don't go getting too cocky. I seem to recall a certain someone who couldn't even concentrate on painting my toenails because he was too busy staring at my tits. Tits, I might add he's been looking at for thirty years." 

Now it was his turn to laugh. "Tits I'll be happy to look at for the next thirty or more years." He closed a warm hand over one of those tits, leisurely running his fingers over the satiny skin. He kissed the side of the soft mound that his cheek lay against and looked up at her. "So, you going to tell me how it went at Leo's?" 

She sighed. "I wondered when we'd get to that." 

"That bad." 

"Jed, his apartment – it was like a box, not a home." 

Jed had only been there once, right after Leo and Jenny had separated. He and the guys had gone over to watch a football game while Abbey had her baby shower for the twins at the White House. "It's a bachelor pad." 

"It wasn't a bachelor pad. And, by the way, nobody uses that word anymore. It wasn't just decorated in a masculine manner. It wasn't decorated at all. For God's sake, he's lived there for four years and he still has things in boxes. His living room consisted of a couch, a chair and a small television. That was it. No pictures, no artwork, no color. Other than three bottles of Perrier, his refrigerator was EMPTY. There was absolute nothing there to indicate who Leo McGarry is – no books, magazines, CD's or DVD's. No favorite foods stashed away; no pictures of family or friends or his favorite sports teams. It was empty, Jed, colorless. As if no one lived there." 

"He doesn't. Not really. He lives in his office; he eats at the White House. Or at least he did. There are pictures there. Mallory, the three of us the night that I won the election, the napkin. His office is his home. I don't know what it's going to do to him not to have that." 

"I imagine it's going to be extremely difficult." She was quiet for a moment, wrestling with some inner demons and when she spoke again it was softly, confusion laced with pain. "How did I not see it, Jed?" 

"See what?" 

"I'm an internist. I was trained to spot and diagnose simple and complex illnesses. Other doctors called me in when they couldn't pinpoint a problem. I'm a thoracic surgeon. Many of my patients had heart problems. How did I not see that Leo was a ticking time bomb?" 

"That isn't quite true, hon. Before we left for Ireland, you asked him to go in for a physical and an EKG." 

"Yes, and he ignored me. But, before we left for Camp David, the night you went up to Foxboro, I found him napping in his office. He looked like hell. I should have forced the issue then and there." 

"Abbey, we all looked like hell during that time. We were all exhausted." 

"Yes, but the rest of you weren't falling asleep in the middle of the day in your office. By the time he got to Camp David, I was so focused on you and, I'll admit, a bit pissed at him for what he was doing to you – how he was making you feel – that I barely even looked at him. What if I'd looked more closely?" 

"You think that would have changed anything?" He looked up at her, ran a finger along the line of her stubborn jaw. "This is Leo we're talking about. You weren't going to get him to leave and see a doctor." 

"He tried to get to me for help." 

"When?" 

"When the painful tightness in his chest began. He started back toward Aspen because he knew something was very wrong but then the attack hit and he blacked out." 

"He told you that?" 

"The first night when I went to see him in the ICU." 

"That was over a week ago. Why are you just telling me now?" 

She shrugged. "I don't know. It didn't come up." 

"Don't give me that. This dug at you. There must be a reason you didn't tell me." 

"You were reeling, Jed. You already had enough guilt. I didn't want you feeling badly." 

"Why would I..." he frowned, thinking back to that night and it hit him. "Oh, damn. We were having sex, weren't we? While he was stumbling around in the woods." 

"Don't feel guilty about it, please. We were making love; there was nothing wrong with that. We didn't know he was out there struggling. We couldn't have known, Jed." 

"No," he sighed sadly. "I know that. But you should listen to yourself, sweetheart." 

"What?" 

"You're right. This wasn't my fault and it wasn't YOUR fault. Leo was sick. He knew he was sick. He chose to ignore the symptoms. He chose to ignore your advice. These are the consequences. All we can do now is try to help him deal with them." 

"I know. That's what I've been trying to tell you. But, this is going to be really hard on him. Having this happen to him now is bringing up a lot of issues from his past. He has a lot of regrets. He didn't even want Mallory there helping him because he feels he doesn't deserve her help." 

Jed shifted uncomfortably. Abbey looked down at him with surprise. "You don't think he deserves her love and her help?" 

"No, I mean, yes, of course he deserves it. I just...I know how he feels, Abbey. He feels guilty, feels like he let her down and that because of that he doesn't feel worthy of her love or affection." 

She frowned. "Are we talking about Leo now, or you?" 

"Both, I guess. I felt that way for a long time after the kidnapping. It's one of the reasons I didn't give you a hard time about asking me to stay away from the farm. As a father, a man, I felt guilty for not being there when you and the girls needed me most. I felt guilty that my women were bearing a punishment that was meant for me. When you got back Zoey was so open, so ready to forgive, but I didn't feel like I deserved that at all. I didn't feel like I deserved her love." 

Abbey was silent, turned her head away, but he'd felt her tighten in his arms. "Abbey?" 

"I wasn't open, was I, Jed? I wasn't so ready to forgive." 

"Don't, sweetheart. Don't go down that path. I didn't say that to make you feel bad. You had your reasons for feeling the way that you did. I understand that. I'm just saying that I also understand what Leo is feeling." 

"Maybe you do a little a bit, but it's different for him. You were an exemplary father, Jed. I couldn't have asked for a better man to have a family with. You were, and are, always there for our kids, all five of them. You changed diapers. You walked the floor with them when they were screaming with colic. You gave baths. You made meals. You fixed hair. You dried tears. You took your turn taking a day off from work if they were sick. You refereed their fights. You cheered them on at sporting events and spelling bees and dance recitals. You baked brownies and cookies for bake sales. I mean, yeah there were ups and downs, but you were really there for them and they always knew that however busy you were, you would drop it all for them, for us as a family. Leo missed out on the majority of all that. I know it was different because Jenny didn't work the way that I did so he wasn't forced to pick up the slack the way that you were, but he missed so much of Mallory's childhood because he just wasn't there. He doesn't have the same kind of memories that you have, and that you're making with the twins, and he regrets that. Most people don't have an experience like Leo just had and wish they had spent more time at work – they regret the time not spent with those they love." 

"I can see that." He wrapped his finger around a long silky strand of auburn hair watching the lamplight pick up the red and gold highlights. "Yeah, there were times when it was hectic and difficult with both of us working but if it hadn't been that way, I probably wouldn't have had the chance to be that kind of father. I cherish those memories, Abbey." 

"I know you do." She lifted his hand from her breast, kissed the back of it. "And I know the girls do too and so will Aislinn and Nicholas." 

"How much of this do you think they'll remember?" 

"How much of what? The White House?" 

"Yeah." 

"Caroline Kennedy remembers quite a bit and she left the White House at the same age the twins will be when we leave. Even John Jr. had some memories of playing in the Oval Office and he was only three." 

"That's good. I'd like them to remember it, but I'm glad they'll grow up at the farm." 

"Me too." And because she knew what he was thinking she expanded. "But, just so you know, even though you're the President and you can't do everything you'd like to do with them, you're still a pretty great dad." 

"You think?" 

"No." 

"No?" 

"No, I don't think. I KNOW." 

He grinned, nuzzled into her breast and slowly drifted off to sleep. 

**** 

"The First Lady back from the kids' karate lessons?" Jed barely paused for the affirmative answer from the Secret Service agent on duty outside his bedroom. There was no elaboration, no warning. He opened the door and was confronted by something he was sure he would never see in his lifetime; Abbey standing on a little stool in the middle of their bedroom wearing only a pale blue lacy bra and a matching French cut scrap of panty while a young man perused her body with a look of complete concentration. 

"You have an amazing body, ma'am. Women half your age would kill for such a nicely toned slender hourglass figure. Those breasts, those legs, you have just the right curves for some of the more sexy looks I have in mind for your eveningwear. And for your daywear, I want to emphasize that tiny waist, those great legs. It would be a sin to have such a great body and hide it." 

Jed stood rooted to the spot, felt his face flush along with his blood pressure. 

"What in the name of all that is holy is going on here?" 

"Oh, hey babe." Unconcerned Abbey smiled at him. "Kit, this is my husband Jed Bartlet, Jed, this is Kit Benard." 

The young man, wearing baggy pants that hung low on his rear, a neon green billowy shirt and a long brown ponytail liberally streaked with chunky white blond highlights turned with an outstretched hand that Jed merely glanced at. 

"I repeat, what's going on here?" 

"Kit, I'd like to have a minute with my husband." 

"Of course. We're finished anyway. Natalie now has all your measurements on file. I'll get the sketches out for you." 

For Kit Benard, doing the First Lady's spring wardrobe was a HUGE break. Normally, for a cutting edge young designer like himself, that wouldn't be the case. First Ladies were rarely on the cutting edge of fashion, but Abigail Bartlet was different. She was sexy and stylish and dressing her was the equivalent of getting an A-line movie star for the Oscars. Even better, for, when it came to Abigail Bartlet, every day was the Oscars. 

Abbey slipped into her bathrobe and drew Jed to the corner of the room. 

"What is your problem?" she asked. 

"What is MY problem? I walk into my bedroom and find my wife alone and half naked with some pony tailed, young pretty boy staring at her with lust and commenting on her womanly hourglass figure and you want to know what MY problem is?" 

"Oh for heaven's sake, Jed, he wasn't lusting – he was visualizing. Kit Benard is not a BOY; he is a man, a new up and coming American designer. I saw some of his stuff at a fashion show in New York last year and I really liked it. I thought I'd give him the opportunity to design my spring wardrobe. And, I wasn't all alone. Natalie is here and so is Amy." 

The little wave he received from Amy who was seated against the wall with a lap full of folders only drew a scowl. 

"Why spring? It isn't even winter yet." 

A long-suffering sigh escaped Abbey's lips. "My winter wardrobe was designed before summer, Jed. That's the way it works. You're always a season ahead, sometimes two." 

"Well, I still don't know why you had to be naked." 

"I wasn't NAKED. I had my bra and panties on. And, by the way, they aren't any more risqué than the bikinis I wear at the beach. Kit needed to visualize my body type and Natalie had to get my measurements for the designs. End of story. It's not the first time I've been undressed in front of a designer." 

"Yeah, well the last time it was a woman," he reminded her, then his eyes widened. "Ah HAH!" 

"What?" 

"Right there, you just rolled your eyes at me." 

"Well, as I told you, you MAKE me roll my eyes at you." 

"Well, excuse me for not liking the idea of other men staring at my naked wife." 

"Half-naked." 

"Semantics." 

"Just think of him like a doctor. I've been spread eagle in front of male doctors before." 

"Oh, now you're just playing mean, Abigail." 

She smiled. There was nothing cuter than Jed Bartlet in a huffy, boyish sulk. 

"Look, we'll be finished here soon. The twins are next door in my study with Izzy. They refused to take off their _gis_ until you saw them so why don't you go play with them for a bit." 

"What's a _gi_?" 

"It's the white kind of pajama uniform they have to wear for class." 

"I don't know." His eyes narrowed. "Maybe I should just stay here, keep an eye on things." 

"Jed, don't be a jackass. Go play with your kids." 

"Okay, okay." He held up his hands in surrender. Slowly he began to leave the room, his head turned toward Kit like a stalking lion, testosterone oozing from his pores. As he got close to the young man, his eyes lasered in on him. "Just so you know, I'm going to be right next door." 

"Yes, sir, nice to meet you." Kit gave him an open smile that was received with a quiet grumble. 

Once Jed was gone, Abbey sat next to Amy while Kit set up the sketches of the one of kind designs he'd made especially for her. 

"What happened to your toes?" Amy asked. 

"Hmmm?" Glancing from the puzzled look on her Chief of Staff's face to her feet, Abbey grinned. Only a couple of toes on each foot were painted. 

"I forgot that Jed never finished them." 

"Jed?" Amy was incredulous. "The PRESIDENT paints your toenails?" 

"Sometimes." Abbey's voice turned low, sexy. "Usually when he wants something in return." She tilted her head to get a better look at her toes and her hair fell away from her neck. The reddened love mark right at the tender spot where her throat met her collarbone, the spot Jed had latched on to when he came was further evidence of First Couple passion. 

"Looks like he got it." 

"And so did I." The laugh was husky. "Why do you think he didn't finish?" 

**** 

"Hey Rugrats, Daddy's home." 

"Daddy, we're not RATS." Aislinn jumped up from the activity table where she and Nicholas were drawing so she could flounce in front of her father. Flouncing was her new dramatic way to express herself. 

"Well, if you're not rugrats then what are you?" 

To her shrieking delight, Aislinn was hoisted high above her father's head. "I'm your little girl." 

"Really? You're sure about that?" 

"I'm sure," she giggled. 

"Okay, you look like a pretty smart cookie. Guess I'll have to take your word for it." 

"My turn." Nicholas held his arms up for pick up. 

"Well then, what about you?" Jed set Aislinn down then lifted Nicholas high above his head. "Are you my little girl too?" 

"I'm not a GIRL. I'm a BOY." 

"Oh yes, yes, of course. What was I thinking." He gave himself an "I could have had a V-8" smack to the forehead as he held Nicholas against his chest. "I guess I'm a pretty lucky dad to have a little girl AND a little boy." 

Nicholas tapped his pudgy hands against Jed's cheeks. "We went to Karate." 

"So I heard. Did you like it?" 

Nicholas nodded enthusiastically while Aislinn's nods were a tad less enthused. She liked karate; she just liked her dance class better. 

Jed cast them both expectant looks. "Well, I'm waiting." 

Confusion reigned. "What are you waiting for?" 

"For you both to show me what you learned in class today." 

"Okay." The little boy squirmed to escape his arms then scrambled with Aislinn to the middle of the room where they turned to face each other. Holding their arms out at chest level, they closed their hands one over of the other and bowed to each other in respect. Barefoot and looking impossibly tiny in the oversized _gis_ that were cinched in at the waist with white belts, they stepped forward with one arm curved and held up in front of their faces in an upper block, a move that brought a tender, paternal smile to their father's lips. 

"Very good," he clapped. "You'd do Bruce Lee proud." 

"Who's Booce Lee?" 

"He's a Karate Master. I leaned all my moves from my man Bruce's movies." 

"You can do Karate, Daddy?" 

"Of course. Stand back and watch your old man's moves." 

The kids scooted away grinning widely as they watched their father take off his jacket and tie, unbutton the collar of his shirt and begin chopping the air in exaggerated karate chops. They clapped wildly, egging him on, and, caught up in showing off, he kicked out and spun around. He knew the minute he felt his foot connect with something heavy that he was in trouble. The loud crash of shattering glass and the wide shocked eyes of his children only confirmed that. 

"Oh, oh, Daddy, you're in BIG trouble." 

Slowly Jed turned, winced when he saw the crystal vase that had been holding a large flower arrangement in pieces on the floor, water soaking the Persian carpet. He sighed, nodded, and tensed up awaiting Abbey's response. He didn't have a long wait, within seconds the door flew open. The worried look on Abbey's face turned quickly to severity when she saw that nobody was injured. 

"What's going on in here?" Her accusing eyes fell to her children. 

"We didn't do it, Mommy!" The kids jumped to their own defense. 

"I've heard that before." Her hands moved to her hips. "That was a very expensive Tiffany vase. It was a gift." 

"Daddy broke it." 

There went the plan to blame it on the cat. 

Abbey turned to see the sheepish look on Jed's face. "Sadly, knowing your father, I find that completely believable." 

"Never thought I'd see the day," Jed shook his head sorrowfully. "My own kids selling me out." 

"Mommy, is Daddy getting a timeout?" Nicholas asked. Every time he broke something his mother put him in a timeout. 

"He should, shouldn't he?" Her eyes rested on Jed. "How did this happen?" 

"He was showing us Booce Lee," Aislinn told her. 

"And he kicked the vase," Nicholas added helpfully. 

"Really?" A raised brow showed her irritation. 

"I didn't see it, Abbey. I swear. I was doing a spin kick. Showing them my black belt moves." 

"A spin kick? Are you delusional? You don't have a yellow belt, never mind a black belt." In spite of being annoyed over the vase, a part of her wished she had seen that move. 

He shrugged. "I've watched movies." 

"Oh, now there's a good answer. Because you know, realism is so prevalent in those action movies." 

"I did pretty well." 

Her gaze moved pointedly to the mess of flowers, water and glass on the floor. She didn't need to utter a word. Her face spoke volumes. 

"Okay, okay, you win." 

"Is Daddy going in timeout?" Nicholas asked again. 

"Daddy is going to clean his mess." Abbey's voice was firm. It was her no-nonsense "mommy" voice. 

Feeling bad about deserting his father in his time of need, Nicholas moved up behind him and took his hand. "I'll help you clean it." 

"Me too." Aislinn took his other hand. Jed's heart swelled at the earnest eyes that looked up at him and he shared a sentimental smile with Abbey over their heads. 

"I appreciate the offer, kiddos, but it's too dangerous with all the broken glass." 

"We wanna help." 

"Tell you what, you can help by keeping Max and Panda and Oliver away so their feet don't get cut." 

"Okay." The children moved to contain their pets. 

"When you three are finished taking care of this, come join me in the kitchen. We have some Halloween plans to make." 

The children turned to each other with flushed cheeks and eyes bright with excitement. 

"HALLOWEEN! YIPPEE!" 

Smiling to herself as she walked away from the study, Abbey took pleasure in the loud shouts of glee that echoed behind her. Halloween would definitely be special this year. 


	16. Altered Lives

"I know, I know. I'm late!" Like a whirlwind Abbey raced into her bedroom, kicking off shoes and discarding clothes as she made her way to the bathroom. 

"Tough day at work, darling?" Jed's droll response didn't slow her down. 

"Agonizing. I swear to God, this full moon combined with Halloween approaching is bringing all the psychos out of the woodwork." Cursing, she fought with the zipper at the back of her slim fitting skirt. 

"Don't tug, you're going to rip it." 

"Jed, I have less than an hour to get ready for this shindig tonight." 

"I'm aware of that." Gently, he eased the zipper down. Amused, and as always, aroused, he watched her discard the last of her undergarments so she could hop in the shower. The "shindig" she was referring to was a cocktail reception for the diplomatic corps. 

Quickly soaping herself with a loofah, Abbey spun with surprise when she felt Jed join her. 

"What are you doing?" 

"You're in a hurry. I thought I'd help." His hands ran over her soap slicked flat belly and up over her breasts, inhaling the essence of the jasmine and vanilla body wash that now adorned her skin. 

"Uh uh. No way, boyo. No time for any funny business." 

"But I need to shower too. You aren't the only one running late." 

"We have about fifty bathrooms in this place, you could have picked another one." 

"Yes, but this is more fun." Those sinfully sweet gliding hands moved from her full breasts to follow the hourglass shape of her figure, over the curve into her tiny waist, across the gentle flare of hip to settle on the firm swell of her rear, caressing with practiced ease. For one insane moment, Abbey thought about bending over and letting him take her. Then she remembered the people that were probably gathering even as they stood together under the hot beating water and fought the urge of lust. 

"Fine. But if we're going to share this shower, you have to keep your hands to yourself." 

"Okay, okay." 

"You didn't ask me why I was late." 

"I got a little distracted when you came running in performing your little striptease." 

"Hardly a striptease, a striptease is slow and erotic." 

"Sweet knees, any time you take off your clothes it's erotic." 

"Oh." She smiled, turned to pat his cheek. "That was a good one. Anybody ever tell you that you'd make a good politician." 

"My wife, every now and then." 

"Smart woman." 

"Yes, she is." 

Abbey squirted some honeysuckle shampoo into her hand then began scrubbing it into her long hair. 

"Well?" 

"Well, what?" She kept her eyes closed to keep the rivulets of shampoo from running into them and burning. 

"I'm waiting to hear why you were late." He tipped her head back to allow the spray from the shower to rinse the shampoo back off her face and out of her eyes. 

"Oh, yes," she smiled devilishly. "You're going to like this one. Well, I was backed up to start with because I'd planned on spending part of the morning with the kids, since I knew we had this thing tonight, then I had to speak at that MADD rally and I was late getting to the clinic. Once I got there it was crazy, you know what the full moon does to people." 

"Please do not tell you me think you worked on a werewolf." 

"Don't be a jackass." His naked rear gave a satisfying smack when she slapped it. "You know I've told you a hundred times that things are just more nutty during full moons. Anyway, get this one. Just as I'm about to head out for the night, we had a prostitute brought in naked and bleeding. Her throat was ripped open, literally RIPPED open to the point where the artery was nicked and we were barely able to keep her alive long enough for transport. My first thought was an animal. A lot of gangs in the area have pit bulls and we see a lot of bites, but, the pimp who brought her in was screaming that her john was the one who did it. Evidently this pimp heard her shrieking, but of course he simply ignored that as part of the job. Tells us it's not big deal, that sometimes guys like to get a little rough, the bitches get paid for it." She shook her head in disgust. "Prick. Anyway, what he didn't tell us was that he must have seen the john running through the alley and shot him because within a few minutes we have this guy come straggling in with a bullet wound to the back of the thigh. His chin and chest were smeared with blood and..." She paused for dramatic effect. "This is where it gets good...When I ask him his name to treat him, he tells me, 'Dracula. Count Dracula, pleased to make your acquaintance.'" 

Jed's hands fell to his sides. "You're putting me on." 

She placed a hand over her heart. "I kid you not. Evidently with Halloween right around the corner, the Count was just getting starting. According to the police it was the second whore whose neck he'd laid into and I tell you with the way he was eyeing my throat, I made sure to keep my agent and that cop close at hand." 

"Good." He nuzzled into the slender column of her throat; his tongue teasing the little fading love mark he'd left there. "I'm the only one who gets to nibble your neck." 

She giggled. "Nibbling is good; ripping out like an animal is a whole other ballgame. You should have seen it. He'd just ripped the flesh right from her throat exposing the tendons and..." 

"Abigail!" 

She turned, saw that he'd paled. Her husband hated blood and any talk of gore. "Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot. But," she stepped from the shower grabbing a big white fluffy monogrammed towel to wrap around her torso; "it looks like the Count is going to spend Halloween away from any tempting womanly throats." 

"You know," he joined her, wrapping the towel around his hips. "A few years back there was a typo on one of my State of the Union addresses. It said, 'I'm proud to announce that our country is stranger than it was a year ago.'" 

"Should have been stronger." She wound a smaller towel around her wet hair. 

"Could go either way is what I told Sam. After listening to the Count Dracula story, I believe that even more firmly. It's a strange world we live in." 

Abbey laughed. "Yes, it is. And speaking of Halloween, I know we've been talking about how down and depressed Leo is, so I invited him to join us for Halloween weekend in Port Harmony. Thought a change of scenery and fresh air off the bay would do him some good." 

Jed's face tightened. He'd only been able to get over to see Leo once in the couple of weeks that he'd been home, but on that visit Leo had been tired and weak and it wasn't the time to do anything but be supportive and encouraging, and that was how their phone calls had been as well. They still hadn't talked out what had happened at Camp David and it wasn't something Jed was relishing doing. 

Abbey touched his shoulder gently. "Look, I know it's tough but at some point you guys have to talk this out or it's just going to fester." 

"Maybe I don't have a problem with festering." 

"You want to know what happens when something festers, when the poisons and toxins and pus..." 

That did it. 

"Abbey, enough," he swallowed back the bile, "I'll talk to him." 

"Good," she gave him a saucy little grin. "Now let's a get a move on. We have a shindig to get to." 

**** 

>   
>  __
> 
> "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,   
> His name is my name too. 
> 
> Whenever we go out,   
> The people always shout,   
> There goes JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT! 
> 
> DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!"

"Relaxing yet?" Abbey smiled across the limo at Leo while the twins, spurred on by their dad, were singing along with their car song CD at full volume. He smiled back. 

"It's fine. If you want the truth, I'm getting awfully tired of relaxing." 

"Good, because you're going to do some walking this weekend to start getting your strength back." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

"Hey kids, let's sing one that Uncle Leo might know." Looking at the back of the CD case, Jed clicked over to another song. "Ahh... here it is. My favorite sing along song." 

"Mommy's too!" The kids knew which song was coming. 

"Yup, mommy's too." 

Folksy guitar music led into the Bartlet family favorite, a classic sung in the car and by campfire alike. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "This land is your land; this land is my land   
> From California, to the New York Island   
> From the redwood forest, to the Gulf Stream waters   
> This land was made for you and me."

With a wide grin, Leo joined Jed, Abbey and their children as the motorcade made its way through the back roads of Maryland on its way to Chesapeake Bay. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "As I was walking, a ribbon of highway   
> I saw above me, an endless skyway   
> I saw below me, a golden valley   
> This land was made for you and me. 
> 
> I've roamed and rambled, and I've followed my footsteps   
> To the sparkling sands of, her diamond deserts   
> And all around me, a voice was sounding   
> This land was made for you and me. 
> 
> The sun comes shining, as I was strolling   
> The wheat fields waving, and the dust clouds rolling   
> The fog was lifting, a voice came chanting   
> This land was made for you and me. 
> 
> As I was walkin' - I saw a sign there   
> And that sign said - no tress passin'   
> But on the other side.... It didn't say nothin!   
> Now that side was made for you and me! 
> 
> In the squares of the city - In the shadow of the steeple   
> Near the relief office - I see my people   
> And some are grumblin', and some are wonderin'   
> If this land's still made for you and me. 
> 
> This land is your land; this land is my land   
> From California, to the New York Island   
> From the redwood forest, to the Gulf Stream waters   
> This land was made for you and me."   
>    ( _This Land is Your Land_ lyrics by Woody Guthrie)

**** 

It was late morning when they pulled into a local farm, a gorgeous fall day. Sunny, clear blue skied, a slight bite to the air – although not quite as crisp as a New England fall day – and the trees burnished with shades of orange and yellow, again not as brilliant as home, but still lovely. The woodsy smell of burning leaves brought back a hundred memories to the Bartlets of Octobers and Novembers on their own New Hampshire farm. 

"Mommy, can I get this one!" 

Standing in the midst of a pumpkin patch, Abbey watched her son struggle to lift a large pumpkin. She laughed. 

"That one is almost bigger than you. You think you can lift it?" 

"I'm trying." 

"Don't hurt yourself. I'll get it." She lifted the pumpkin into the wheelbarrow that already held a few smaller pumpkins that would later be painted and set in windowsills and on end tables. 

"Daddy needs the wheelbarrow." Aislinn skipped over. "He's got a HUUUGE punkin'" 

"Does he?" Abbey looked further down the patch and indeed saw Jed, his barn coat flapping in the stiff breeze that came off the bay, fighting with a giant pumpkin. She sauntered over. 

"I don't think you'd like the consequences of getting a hernia." 

He looked up, grinned proudly, and stood to rub the small of his back. "It's huge, isn't it?" 

"What is it with the male obsession with size? It's a pumpkin not a..." Seeing that the twins were watching their exchange, she simply looked pointedly at his crotch. 

"Any complaints in that department?" 

"Not a one. Why do you think I don't want you lifting that and giving yourself a hernia. So, push over. I'm going to help you lift the pumpkin, pumpkin." 

"Daddy's not a pumpkin," Nicholas giggled as he and Aislinn watched their parents heft the giant pumpkin into the wheelbarrow. 

Winded, Abbey tiptoed up to kiss Jed's cheek. "Sure he is. He's MY pumpkin." 

Seated on a bench at the edge of the patch, Leo watched the affection of the Bartlets – all of them. This was the kind of stuff Jed had always lived for: spending a morning in a pumpkin patch with his kids, carving the family turkey at Thanksgiving, going out to cut a Christmas tree down, hiding Easter Eggs, setting off fireworks on the Fourth of July. His own childhood, so lacking in affection and warmth, had made it all the more important to him to give as much of that warmth and affection as he could to his own children, and in doing so, he got the chance to re-live that childhood the way that it should have been. And, the guy just got off on holidays, on the significance of holidays and what it meant to be family. He hadn't allowed that to change with his youngest two. 

Leo's mouth curved in a smile as they approached where he sat, Jed pushing the wheelbarrow with Nicholas hanging around his neck piggyback style and Abbey at his side with Aislinn on her shoulders. They were an extremely attractive unit – bright eyed, smiling and rosy cheeked, the sun shining in their burnished copper, bronze and gold hair. 

"Hey, come on, Leo," Abbey urged. "We're going over to the barn to pay for all this and see what they have for fresh produce." 

"We're gonna get apples and caramel so we can make caramel apples!" Aislinn clapped her hands with excitement. 

"Well then, we better go find some good ones." Leo fell in step with the family, their warmth extending to and enveloping him. 

**** 

>   
>  __
> 
> "Well I saw the thing comin' out of the sky   
> It had the one long horn and one big eye.   
> I commenced to shakin' and I said 'ooh-eee'   
> It looks like a purple eater to me. 
> 
> He was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater   
> One-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater   
> One-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater   
> Sure looks strange to me."   
>    ( _Purple People Eater_ by Sheb Wooley)

Carving the scary, mean face his son had demanded on one of the large pumpkins, Jed Bartlet sang along with the Halloween music CD that had already included renditions of the "Monster Mash" – Nicky's favorite, 'Ghostbusters" – Aislinn's favorite, and "The Time Warp" – Abbey's favorite. Nicholas was avidly watching him carve, while Aislinn diligently did as her mother asked, picking the seeds from the pulp so they could later clean and toast them to snack on. They were all set up out on the back porch overlooking a sloping lawn that opened out into the wide expanse of the glistening bay. Jed and Leo were at one table on carving duty, while Abbey sat at a smaller card table adding shellac to the small pumpkins she and the twins had painted. 

"Don't forget to save the gunk," Abbey reminded him. "I want to make some muffins for breakfast." 

He sent a sarcastic look her way. "Well, that sounds delicious, darling. Doesn't it, kids? Gunky muffins." 

Both kids stuck their fingers into the pulp and wrinkled their noses at her. "YUCK." 

"Don't let him kid you. Your dad loves my pumpkin spice muffins and if he doesn't watch himself, he's not going to get any." 

He winked at her. "Just trying to get your goat, Boo Boo. Now, what do you think? This is the last of them." He turned the jack-o-lantern, with the evil eyes and exaggerated serrated teeth that his son had insisted upon, to face the rest of the porch inhabitants. 

"I like it, Daddy," Aislinn bounced. "It's SCARY!" 

"Grrrr..." Nicholas bared his teeth in imitation of the face on the pumpkin. 

Abbey eyed the line of jack-o-lanterns that Jed and Leo had carved. The kids had designed some and some had come from stencils depicting bats and ghosts and witches and vampires. "We're going to have the best decorated porch in the county," she predicted. "But, now that you're finished, why don't you all run down to the dock and see if you had any luck trapping any crabs." 

Right after their arrival, while Abbey put the groceries away, Jed and Leo had led the children down on the backs of their Chincoteague ponies to set their baited crabpot into the bay. Abbey was hoping to add a crabmeat stuffing to the baked sole she was planning for dinner. 

"I WANNA PULL UP THE CRAB POT!" 

"NO, I WANNA PULL UP THE CRABPOT!" 

Leaning against the balustrade, Abbey watched the children throw off the smocks she'd made them wear for painting and race off down toward the water's edge with the dogs at their heels and Jed and Leo following more sedately behind. It hadn't gone unnoticed by her that the turkey sandwich with cranberry horseradish on whole wheat that she had served Leo for lunch only had a couple of bites taken from it. She was hoping not only that her supper would entice him to eat more, but that she would be able to show him that a heart healthy diet was not a death sentence of bland tasteless food. 

Content and relaxed, alone in the big kitchen, Abbey set to preparing the meal. She rarely cooked at the White House, and when she did, it was usually just something quick to whip up for the kids. There was a luxury in not having to worry about her family's meals, but there were times that she truly missed it. For a person who had spent three decades feeding her family and who had enjoyed planning a menu steeped in the knowledge of all her brood's likes and dislikes then experimenting and putting it all together, soup, noodles, and oatmeal were not exactly satisfying in a creative kind of way. Putting the radio on to listen to some music, she began pulling out the ingredients she was going to need. 

A few hours later, as they dined on baked sole with crabmeat stuffing, lemon garlic asparagus and twice baked potatoes with fresh herbs, she was rewarded with the male grunts of appreciation. 

"This is really all okay to eat on my diet?" Leo was incredulous. 

"Absolutely. Everything in this meal is low to no sodium and low fat." 

"It's delicious." 

Gratified, Abbey watched Leo eat more than the perfunctory couple of bites. His appetite still wasn't quite what it had been, but it was getting better. 

"I like fish sticks, Mommy." His mouth smeared with ketchup, Nicholas waved one of the small pieces of sole that Abbey had cut away from the fillet, breaded, and baked for the kids' meal. 

"I see that. But, please use your fork and not your fingers. And Aislinn, I'm glad to see that you're using your fork, but please use it to feed yourself and not the dogs." 

"But they're hungwy, Mama." Softhearted, Aislinn looked down on the two sets of sweet brown eyes that stared up at her in a silent plea for more. 

"They aren't hungry. They had a nice big meal. If you feed them at the table they're going to beg and stare at you like that and make you feel bad all the time. You can give them a nice treat when we finish supper." 

With a sigh that let everyone at the table know she didn't agree with her mother on the subject, Aislinn none the less patted the dogs on the head and promised them a treat after supper. Nobody noticed the pudgy little hand disappearing under the tablecloth to drop pieces of food to the dogs that lay at her feet. As if sensing the conspiracy, the dogs accepted the offerings quietly and without argument. 

"So, who wants to hear the history of All Hallows Eve?" Jed asked. 

"What's All Hallows Eve?" 

"That's the ancient pagan name for Halloween." 

Enraptured, the kids listened to Jed's tale of the holiday they were so looking forward to – from Samhain to trick or treating. Leo had always enjoyed the Bartlet family dynamic at meal times. Contrary to what suppertime was like in many important families, Jed and Abbey had always dined with their children; and while those children were expected to be polite, they certainly had never heard the rule that "children should be seen and not heard". The Bartlet children were a true part of the meal and dinnertime conversation. They were seen, heard, questioned, and enjoyed. 

"What can I do to help?" With supper finished and the clean up about to begin, Leo questioned his hostess. About to tell him not to bother, to go have a rest, Abbey stopped herself. It was just as important that Leo feel useful and a part of things as it was for him to exercise and relax. 

"Well, the kids can help Jed clear the table, so why don't you wash and I'll wipe since you don't know where anything goes." 

"Sounds like a plan." Pleased that he hadn't been rebuffed, Leo took his place at the sink. In companionable camaraderie, they all worked together to clean up the evening meal. Once finished, they took plates of freshly made applesauce cake with frozen vanilla yogurt and mugs of decaf coffee into the family room to watch "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown". Sleepy after their busy day, the children had to be carried by their parents up to bed, after which Abbey and Jed returned downstairs to play a couple rounds of Shanghai rummy with Leo before calling it a night. 

"Like old times, isn't it?" asked Abbey, as they all made their way up the stairs for bed. 

"Yes, it is." Leo paused outside the guest room realizing that for almost a whole day he had not felt morose, had not pondered on what his future might hold or had regrets over past choices and mistakes. "Thank you. I had a really nice time today." 

"We enjoyed having you with us. Good night, Leo." Jed gave his shoulder a pat then slipped his arm around Abbey's waist to lead her to his own bedroom. 

**** 

It had been a very long time since Leo woke to the delicious scent of breakfast cooking and coffee brewing. He lay in bed, stretched his still sore but healing leg and heard whispering and giggling outside his bedroom door. 

"Get away from there." It was Jed's voice. "Let Uncle Leo sleep. Your mother has breakfast ready downstairs." 

"I'm awake," Leo called out as he reached for his stuffed panda bear. "Come on in." With the bear pressed to his chest, he winced and sat up, grimacing as he gave a few hoarse coughs. Tentatively, the door was opened and the two pajama clad towheads entered the room. 

Jed followed behind. "Sorry, Leo, did they wake you?" 

"No, I was already awake." 

"You like your bear, Uncle Leo?" Nicholas hopped up onto the bed next to him. 

"Yeah, I do," Leo grinned. "He's been a big help for me." 

"Daddy said you have a big boo-boo." 

"I do." 

"Can we see it?" 

"Okay kids, that's enough. Let's leave Uncle Leo alone." 

"No, it's okay." Leo knew that his chest wound was healed enough that it wouldn't be particularly gruesome. He unbuttoned his pajama top, pulled aside the light covering. The twins' eyes widened at the long angry red scar that ran across his chest. 

"That's a BAD ouchie," Nicholas breathed. 

"Did my mommy give you a kiss?" Aislinn asked. 

It was Leo's turn to widen his eyes with surprise. "What?" 

"My mommy always kisses our boo-boos to make them better." 

"Oh," he nodded in understanding. "No, she didn't. But I'd take one from you, right here." He pointed to his cheek. Smiling sweetly, Aislinn kissed the spot he'd motioned to. 

"Ahh, you were right, that's much better. Thank you, sweetheart." 

"Sometimes Daddy gets petend boo-boos so Mommy will give him a kiss," Nicholas giggled. "My daddy likes to kiss my mommy." 

"Yeah," Leo's eyes met Jed's with a genuine twinkle. "He's been like that since he met your mom." 

"All right, all right, come you little monkeys. Let's go before you spill ALL my secrets." He plucked Nicholas off the bed, tipping him upside down to tickle him unmercifully. 

"Daddy! Daddy! Stop it!" The boy's shrieks were ignored until he changed his tactics. "Stop! I'm gonna PEE!" 

That got his attention. Jed quickly set his son on the floor laughing as he watched the boy scamper off to the bathroom, calling out to him, "Make sure you wash your hands when you're done!" 

"What's going on up there," Abbey shouted up the stairs. "Isn't anybody hungry for breakfast?" 

"Yes, ma'am," Jed called back down to her. "We're on our way." 

**** 

Leo looked down at the big omelet that lay on his plate. Filled with peppers, mushrooms and cheese, it was accompanied by a warm pumpkin muffin and a small bowl of fat juicy blackberries. 

"I can eat eggs?" 

"Leo, you have to read that book I gave you. This is an egg white omelet, fresh veggies and low fat cheese. It's okay to have sometimes." 

"Mommy, I don't like omets." Aislinn wrinkled her nose. 

"I know you don't. That's why I made you and your brother some scrambled eggs to go with your fruit and muffin. Will that work?" She twirled one of her daughter's curls around her finger with affection. 

"That works," she nodded definitively. 

"Leo," Abbey turned her attention to their guest. "After breakfast we're all going to church, so if you'd like to just relax while we're gone, I thought maybe we'd go for a walk by the bay when we get home." 

"I figured you'd probably be going to Mass. Would you mind if I went with you all?" 

Jed paused, a bite of omelet at his lips. "You want to come to church with us?" 

"I know I kind of turned my back on all that. But, I owe someone a big thanks for, you know, my second chance." 

Abbey laid a hand on his shoulder. "We'd be glad to have you join us." 


	17. Altered Lives

Jean clad knees drawn to her chest, Abbey soaked up the sun and salt air, enjoyed the sound of the sea slapping against the hull of the boat and the gentle roll of the swells. One step better than the walk she'd promised Leo after lunch, was the decision to take the _Zellie B_ out on the bay for a sail. It was another bright, sunny day, the temperature hovering in the high 60's with a brisk breeze. The perfect day for a sail. Her eyes remained eagle sharp on her two offspring now seated contentedly in the bow with their lifejackets on munching on the caramel apples they'd made the day before. The sun gleamed off their flaxen hair, the wind flushed their cheeks rosy and their laughter rang out across the boat as they pointed to the seagulls, hawks and pelicans that flew overhead. Every so often she felt Jed's hand fall from the wheel to stroke over her hair and her heart swelled with a love so powerful it brought the sting of tears to her eyes. There were very few perfect days, but this was shaping up to be one of them. 

"Uncle Leo, lookit at the big birdie!" Nicholas pointed toward the shore where the marshy grasses encroached upon the bay. 

"What kind of birdie is it?" Aislinn asked. 

Pausing in the bite he was about to take in his caramel apple, Leo lowered his sunglasses to admire the large white bird that balanced itself on one leg. A naturalist he was not. 

"I have no idea. Abbey, what kind of bird is that?" 

"A snowy egret." 

"A snowy egret," he passed along to the children. 

"It's pretty. Do you like birdies, Uncle Leo?" Aislinn slipped her hand into his. 

He swallowed tightly at the feel of the little hand in his own. "I guess I never really thought about them very much. Your mom and dad are the ones that love the great outdoors. But I agree with you. That one is a pretty bird." 

Feeling his hand again resting tenderly atop her head, Abbey laid her cheek against Jed's thigh. 

"I'm glad you invited him," he said softly to her. 

"Me too. I think he's actually enjoying himself." 

"I think so too." 

**** 

"Look, Daddy, I'm Dorothy!" Blond braids swinging, Aislinn skipped to her father in her glittering ruby red shoes and blue gingham dress. 

"And I'm the Cowardly Lion...GRRR!" 

Jed laughed. Nicholas was indeed wearing a lion costume and Abbey had painted his snub nose black with black whiskers running across his cheeks. 

"You're a very pretty Dorothy." He lifted Aislinn on to one knee then looked with apprehension at Nicholas. "And you don't look very cowardly to me. You look pretty scary." 

"I AM scary! Grrr..." He growled and pawed at his father's arm. 

"You both forgot your trick or treating bags upstairs." Abbey stepped into the room causing both adult males to gape with appreciation. The long glittering gown of pink and silver she wore was cut low enough to reveal the upper swells of her full breasts. A sparkling tiara sat on the top of her cinnamon curls. Jed stood, held out a hand to her. 

"Glenda, I presume." He bent to kiss the back of her hand drawing a regal nod of her head. 

"You presume correctly, sir." 

He stood back, eyed them all. "You guys really look great. Stay right here I want to get a picture of you all together." 

Abbey stood in the center with a hand resting on each child's shoulder while Jed snapped the photo. When he set the camera down, Nicholas approached him his head tilting to one side as he looked up at him. "Why can't you come with us, Daddy?" 

A wistful smile touched Jed's lips. He wasn't going because he wanted their first experience trick or treating to be as normal as it could possibly be. For him to go with them would have meant a huge motorcade, police cruisers and ambulances. And, it would have meant dozens of additional Secret Service agents. It was enough that they would be surrounded by agents while they trick or treated, enough that they couldn't exactly go from door to door in their own neighborhood but were instead partaking in the annual Port Harmony Halloween party in which the town streets were blocked off and children trick or treated at the open stores. 

"Somebody has to stay behind and make sure your cider is nice and warm and your cookies ready when you get back. Uncle Leo and I are on the job." 

Abbey rested a hand on his shoulder. He'd like to be going; she knew it in her heart even as she'd seen it on his face. But, because he was the man that he was, he put the children's interests above his own and pretended that he didn't mind being left out. 

"You guys going to play some cribbage?" she asked. 

Jed looked down at the deck of cards and the large cribbage board. It was made of cedarwood, well worn from many games played, and engraved with the peaks of the White Mountains. He'd bought it at Clark's Trading Post on a trip up into the mountains with the girls when they were younger. "Thought about it." 

Her raised brow urged him to have that talk he'd been putting off. But rather than pushing it, she disappeared into the kitchen returning with a bowl that held some kind of white chips and another with two kinds of dip." 

"What's that?" 

"Stuff for you guys to snack on while we're gone. Pita chips, salsa, and hummus." 

"Pita chips? Hummus?" Jed grumbled. "What's wrong with Frito's and that chili/cheese dip I love." 

"You have to ask?" 

"Mommy, come ON. We want to go trick or treating." 

"All right, I'm coming. You have your bags?" 

They both lifted them to show her and started toward the door. 

"There's also some pretzels and honey mustard dip in the kitchen," she called out over her shoulder as she opened the door to leave. 

"Oh WAIT!" Aislinn gasped, spun around. "I almost forgot Toto!" 

To Jed's amusement, she ran back to Panda, wrapping her arms around the sweet little Sheltie's neck. 

"That's Toto? I thought Toto was a Scottie, not a little collie-dog." 

"Aislinn has decided that Panda IS Toto, regardless of breed," Abbey informed him. "And, Toto was a cairn terrier, not a Scottie." 

"Duly noted." He followed his wife and children out onto the porch watching Aislinn pull Panda along on her leash while Nicholas struggled not to trip over his tail. "Have fun!" 

They turned back, saw him standing at the top of the stairs surrounded by the eerie jack o'lanterns that flickered evilly with candlelight on each step up to the porch. With a delicious shiver of anticipation, the twins waved back at him then, helped by their mother and their agents, hopped into the SUV. 

**** 

By the time the Bartlets arrived, the small quaint village of Port Harmony, Maryland was aglow with the magic of Halloween. Storefronts were darkened, crowded with grinning, glowing pumpkin heads and ropes of lights shaped like ghosts, witches and pumpkins. Doorways dripped with spider webbing. The sounds of creaking doors and chains and the eerie theme music from the movie _Halloween_ filtered down streets filled with excited children and their indulgent parents. In the spirit of the evening, shopkeepers stayed open late and were dressed in costume – witches and queens, pirates and skeletons and even a very tall "Cat in the Hat" that had many young children backing away. Two draft horses plodded down the middle of the closed off street pulling a wagon filled with hay and kids. The scene flooded Abbey with memories of growing up in Salem, Massachusetts and attending the annual "Haunted Happenings" before it had become quite so besieged by over a hundred thousand tourists wanting to scare themselves with the haunted houses, ships and walking tours. 

"Mommy, I wanna go on the hay ride." Aislinn tugged her mother from the SUV toward the wagon. 

"You can do the hayride, but it's in the middle of a ride right now. Would you like to go to a few stores trick or treating first?" 

"Okay." There was excitement right up until they approached the first shop. Plastic spiders and bats clung to the spooky spider webbing that crisscrossed the doorway. A hanging skeleton was eyed with apprehension then gasps of fear when it began to dance as they walked past it. Before they could turn to run, a woman enshrouded in black, wearing a pointed witch's hat came forward carrying a black cauldron filled with candy. Nicholas and Aislinn clung to their mother's dress, eyes wide with fear. 

"Well now, here are some people I recognize." Seeing the fear on the faces of the children, the woman spoke in a kindly gentle voice. "You're Dorothy and you must be the Cowardly Lion." 

Abbey smiled thankfully at the woman for pointing out who they were in costume rather than the fact that they were Aislinn and Nicholas Bartlet. She ushered them forward whispering "Remember what you're supposed to say." 

Slowly the children approached the smiling woman holding their bags out before them, bashfully stating. "Trick or treat." 

Abbey snapped their picture as they picked candy from the filled cauldron, then, grinning widely, offered a polite "thank you" and raced back to their mother to show her the candy that lay in the bottom of their bag. Before they could move along to the next storefront, the woman unobtrusively handed Abbey a picture of her and Jed from a magazine and asked for an autograph. Abbey graciously – and quickly – complied and they were off to the next store, this time with less fear, more enthusiasm, and a chirpy, cheerful "trick or treat!" 

**** 

"I think we need to address the elephant in the room, Leo." Sitting before a blazing fire, the two friends sat on opposite sides of a table, a cribbage board between them. With Abbey and the children gone, the men were tense and uneasy knowing they had to talk about what had happened but each unwilling to start the conversation. With a deeply inhaled breath, Jed finally geared himself up to broach the subject. 

"I know." Leo sighed, laid his cards face down on the table. 

"That last night at Camp David. You were wrong to give me an ultimatum and I was wrong to accept it. I should have put aside my personal feelings and told you we'd talk about it when we got back to D.C. instead of letting my temper get the better of me." 

"I'm sorry that you took what I said as an ultimatum. I didn't mean it that way. I just meant that we couldn't continue on the way we were going, sniping at each other and irritating each other." 

"What the hell happened, Leo? How did we get to that point?" 

"I don't know, but it didn't happen overnight. It wasn't just about war vs. peace." 

"Abbey thinks it was bound to happen. She thinks that my growth and confidence in my own counsel as President combined with close day in and day out proximity made the friction inevitable. What do you think?" 

Leo was silent, thoughtful. "I think she's a pretty sensible woman. When we first got to the White House, I felt like we were almost partners. You needed my help. You relied on me when it came to wading through the murky waters of the military and dealing with the Democratic leadership. But, you're a quick study. It's one of the reasons I wanted you to run in the first place, that once in a generation mind. But, the more confident you became in dealing with things on your own, the more superfluous I began to feel. I had to fight harder to get my opinions heard." 

"I might not have relied on you quite so heavily, but I still relied on you, Leo. Other than Abbey, you are the person I trust most to tell it like it is, to be completely honest with me and not mince words." 

"I tried. When those cars were blown up in Gaza, I tried to tell you like it was and you ignored me." 

"I didn't ignore you. I listened to what you had to say and I listened to my other advisors and my own conscience. I did accept some of what you had to say, I bombed the terrorist camps, but I couldn't bomb that apartment building, not then. I needed an alternative." 

"And Kate Harper gave it to you. She convinced you not to bomb." 

Hearing the tinge of jealousy and distaste in Leo's voice, Jed's lips twitched. "Yes, Kate gave me another point of view, but she did not convince me to do anything. You know me better than that, at least I thought you did. It's my job to siphon through all the information you guys give me and make the best decision I can. I saw an opportunity and I took it. I went with what my mind, my heart and my gut told me to do and that meant going against what you were telling me that I HAD to do." 

Leo reddened. "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have TOLD you what you had to do. I overstepped my bounds as an advisor. I didn't realize that I was doing that at the time but after hearing Will and Josh and the dressing down that Abbey gave them, I realized what I must have sounded like to you. I had no right to give you orders or to treat you with contempt in any way. My job was to advise. It was you who had to make the decisions, you who had to live with the consequences." 

How many times had he seen Jed, hands in his pockets, staring out the windows of the Oval Office at the Rose Garden with the burdens of the world heavy on his shoulders? They were his burden, nobody else's. 

"I guess I forgot that. It's just hard when you feel strongly that someone is making the wrong decision – a decision you think is going to hurt them, not to fight it out." 

"You didn't give it a chance, Leo. You dismissed the peace summit without giving it one thought. You dismissed it because you thought I was doing it because I was weak and scared and gun-shy." 

Leo's face registered his shock. "Not weak. You are one of the strongest men I know. But, I did think your hesitation to bomb was because you were gun-shy, because of Abbey and your girls. And, I blamed myself for that." 

"How would you be to blame?" 

"I forced your hand. I convinced you to make the order for Shareef's assassination. You didn't want to do it. I don't think our relationship has been the same since." 

Jed's arms crossed his chest, his gaze centered on the flames that danced in the fire. "No, I didn't want to do it. It went against everything that I believe in. It was the hardest decision I've ever made. But, it was the right one, Leo. I had to do it. I couldn't have lived with myself if thousands of people were killed because I refused to act. But, that doesn't mean that I liked you for it. A part of me was angry with you because you forced me to face the facts, however unfair that is; and another part was angry with the way you pushed at me, as if the fact that I had a moral problem with doing what I had to do was some kind of weakness or tragic flaw in my character." 

Leo nodded. He knew that he was far more detached and dispassionate than Jed and that he had a ruthless streak in him that was alien to Jed. For Leo the end almost always justified the means. "I was tough. I know it. I know I get frustrated sometimes when you're weighing all your options and at times that makes it hard for me to work with you. Sometimes I forget that it's a good thing not to have a President who jumps into things. I've always admired your strong moral compass; it's why I felt so strongly that this country needed you to be its President. But, you almost lost your wife and two of your daughters because I pushed you so hard into a decision you wanted more time to make. Every time I see you with Abbey and Zoey and Aislinn it kills me to think about what they went through, the scars they still have and what could have happened to them." 

"It wasn't your fault. I've had therapy and a year of trying to accept that it wasn't my fault either. The terrorists were to blame not you and not me. Every decision I make could in some way effect my family and I can't let that dictate what I do. Abbey will tell you the same. I didn't refuse to bomb right away because I was gun-shy, at least not in the way that you meant. I wanted to step back and look at the big picture before I did something I wouldn't be able to take back – something that might effect the country for generations. I honestly believed that I could make the peace process work and that it was worth taking a chance on. I took this office to make a difference, Leo, to make things better." 

"I know, and I see that now. I don't underestimate you very often but in this instance I did. I didn't think you had a chance in hell of getting an agreement and I was wrong. I saw the clips of the peace signing. I was proud of you, proud of the administration." 

"That means a lot to me. But, I wasn't entirely blameless. I should have pulled you into the loop or at least explained to you why I was keeping you out of it. I saw Shira's face, Leo. The minute she saw that you weren't behind things and concluded, correctly, that the administration wasn't united, she shut down. I couldn't have that happening in the talks." 

"I shouldn't have let her see that. I let my strong feelings on the subject get in the way of my job. I saw that at Camp David and that's why I felt I had to step back." 

Jed nodded. "And I guess I shoved you the rest of the way. I never expected blind loyalty, in fact that's the last thing I'll ever want or expect from anyone working for me. You know I love a good debate." 

"You are a bit perverse that way." 

A quick smile of acknowledgement touched Jed's lips, then just as quickly disappeared. "But once I've made a decision I do expect adherence. You're my Chief of Staff. I can't have you sending out mixed signals to the staff, dividing their loyalties. They need to be completely focused on what they're doing." 

"You're right. But, I'm not anymore." Spoken softly, Jed missed what he was trying to say. 

"Not what?" 

"Your Chief of Staff." 

Startled, that brought Jed up short. He kept forgetting that, forgetting that he wouldn't be coming back. His eyes met Leo's, saw the sense of loss, the misery that lay there and felt a corresponding pain. He couldn't help but wonder how he would feel if all that he'd worked for had been taken away from him, knowing in his heart that it was worse for Leo because work was all that he had. 

"That takes some getting used to." 

"Mmm..." 

"When this is over," he gestured to Leo's chest and leg, "when the doctors give you a clean bill of health, I want you to come back. Not as my Chief of Staff," he added at Leo's look of surprise. "Abbey would kill me. I'd like you to come back as a special advisor – no stress, your own hours." 

"You want me to come back, after everything." 

"We had a disagreement, Leo, it happens. I need you. I have two years left – realistically a year and a half – to get anything accomplished. There's still a lot that I have left on my agenda. I need you to help me finish things up – the assault weapon ban, the legislation to combat violence against women and children, family leave, raising the minimum wage. We've made headway but we're far from finished. We came into this together; I'd like us to go out together." 

Leo felt the burn of tears. Horrified by the emotion, he turned his gaze to the fire. "I serve at the pleasure of the President." 

Jed grinned, put his hand out. A corresponding grin crossed Leo's craggy face and he reached out his own hand to shake on it. 

"Now that we have that out of the way, I'd like to go back to something you said earlier." 

"What?" 

"That Abbey gave Josh and Will a dressing down. What was that all about?" 

"She didn't tell you?" 

"If she had I wouldn't be asking." 

"Well," Leo squirmed uncomfortably. "you should probably ask her." 

Jed was enjoying himself. "Are you afraid of my wife?" 

"Absolutely." 

He laughed. "Come on, Leo, spill it. I want all the details." 

"She was great, really. You know what a little spitfire she can be." 

"As a matter of fact I do." 

Leo filled him in on Abbey's fiery and passionate tongue lashing of his two senior aides over their dissing of the peace talks and the President of the United States, after which they picked up their game where they had left off. 

"You know," Leo popped another hummus covered pita cracker into his mouth. "This stuff is actually pretty good." 

"Mmm..." Jed chewed while pondering his cards. "Just don't tell Abbey." 

"Why?" 

"It has been a long time since you've been married, hasn't it? If I give an inch over this healthy food stuff, I'll never see another Frito again. This way she knows she can only push me so far." 

Leo laughed and moved his peg along the cribbage board feeling light years better than he had when they began. Not only had they cleared the air about the past couple of years, but he also had something to look forward to. Jed needed his help. In another couple months, he could go back to work! 

**** 

The sweet pungent smell of burning pumpkin and the delicious aroma of simmering mulled cider assaulted Abbey's senses upon her return home with her two tired children. While the twins made their way up the porch stairs eager to tell their father about their exciting night, she paused to pull the top off each pumpkin to blow out the candle within. By the time she entered the house, the kids were telling Jed and Leo about their hayride and Jed was picking through their bags. 

"What do you think you're doing?" 

Jed's head snapped up, caught his wife standing before him arms crossed over her waist. 

"Just checking over the kids' candy. Can't be too careful you know." 

"The Secret Service already X-rayed it." 

"I found a Snickers, Daddy." Digging through his bag for his father, Nicholas withdrew his hand in triumph. Abbey's brow lifted. 

"Checking it over, eh?" 

With a sheepish shrug he accepted the candy bar from his son. "I can't help it if I have a sweet tooth, I was born that way. And, don't tell me you haven't been digging in these bags looking for an Almond Joy." 

"I already gave her this many in the car." Aislinn held two fingers up to him. 

"Foiled by your own children," he grinned, as it was Abbey's turn to look sheepish. "Come join my world." 

"Almond Joy is her FABORITE," Aislinn added. 

"How well I know." Jed stood, slipped an arm around Abbey's waist whispering into her ear. "What I can't make you do for an Almond Joy." 

"Jed," she giggled as his teeth closed teasingly over her earlobe. 

"Mommy, can we have cider and our ghost cookies now?" 

"Why don't you run upstairs and Daddy will put on your PJs while I pour the cider." 

"Okay, let's go, Daddy." 

By the time Abbey came out of the kitchen with a tray of mulled cider in mugs and a platter of white iced sugar cookies in the shape of ghosts, Jed had returned and was sitting by the fire with the now pajama clad children on his lap. She noted with amusement that Aislinn still wore her ruby red shoes and Nicky's face still held the smudged whiskers and blackened nose of his lion face. As she placed the cookies on the coffee table and began to pass out the cider, she noticed the book that lay on the table beside Jed's chair. 

" _The Legend of Sleepy Hollow_? You don't think that's a little too scary for bedtime reading?" 

"It's never too early for the classics. And, this is a toddler version." 

"I hope you remember that at 2 AM." 

Leo sat back with Abbey on the couch smiling as he watched the twins mimic Jed, taking the stick of cinnamon that stuck up out of their mug and twirling it in the warm cider before taking a sip. Then, he leaned back and listened while Jed read to his children. He couldn't remember how long it had been since he had enjoyed himself like this, since he'd spend a normal family night. He didn't realize that he'd dozed off until Abbey's voice joined Jed's and the twins in a rendition of "Five Little Pumpkins". His eyes opened, watched the adults and children as they used their fingers to count the pumpkins. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "Five little pumpkins sitting on a gate   
> The first one says, 'My, it's getting late.'   
> The second one says, 'There are witches in the air.'   
> The third one says, 'But we don't care.'   
> The fourth one says, 'Let's run and run and run!'   
> The fifth one says, 'We're ready for some fun!'   
> Ooooooooooo went the wind."

Hands moved beside their mouths to push out the air. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "And out went the light."

They clapped. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "And the five little pumpkins rolled out of sight."

**** 

Jed was lying propped up against the pillows and stretched out on top of the bed covers wearing only a pair of royal blue boxer/briefs and a pair of glasses when Abbey returned from putting the kids to bed. He set his book aside and glanced over the top of his glasses in a move that never failed to quicken Abbey's loins. 

"Are you planning on keeping that gown on all night?" he asked with amusement. "You're as bad as Ash and Nicky." 

"No, I'm not keeping it on all night, but I thought you might want to be the one to see me take it off." 

"Really?" Now his interest was piqued. 

"Really," she confirmed, her fingers going to the zipper in the back. "Because while I may be a good witch on the outside, underneath it all I'm a very bad witch. A very, very NAUGHTY witch." The gown fell in puddle at her feet and Jed's mouth went dry. She stood at the edge of the bed in a black velvet bra and matching miniscule garter skirt that stretched over her hips and attached to the sheer black hose. Her eyes ran greedily over his body – from the electric blue of his heated eyes, over his broad chest to where the boxer/briefs clung to his hips and thighs cupping the masculine swell of him in a way that filled her with hunger. She climbed up onto the bed next to him, removed his glasses, ran her hand over his chest. 

"So, what do you think," her voice was pure baby doll sex. "Do you prefer the good witch, or the bad witch?" 

"Hot damn, Abbey," he moaned as her tongue flicked over his nipple. "You really gotta ask?" 

Her laugh was throaty as she slid a knee over his hips to straddle him. His groin began to stir against her pubis as she rocked erotically over him. 

"Tell me how you want me, Jed." 

"Naughty, Abbey, I want you naughty." 

"Then naughty it shall be." 

His body tingled with excitement and anticipation when she leaned over to pull their tube of lubricating gel out of the nightstand. His hands moved up over her ribs to cup over her velvet-covered breasts, enjoying the heavy fullness of them. She shook her hair back, shivered as it tickled down along her bare back and continued to rock against him. When he tried to free himself from his underwear, she stopped him. 

"I'll be taking care of that." She bent, trailing her lips across his chest, rubbing her cheek sensuously against his chest hair, her lips closing again over a flat male nipple, coaxing it to pebble hardness. One hand slid over his torso, teasing and tantalizing until she finally ran her fingertips over the impressive bulge that stretched his cotton and lycra underwear. Breath quickening with her own arousal, she paused, squirted some of the gel onto her palm and while her lips played over his belly, she closed her hand over his pulsating hard penis, reveling in the feel of satin over steel. Jed groaned, his head shoving back against the pillow as she began to stroke him. 

"Don't close your eyes, babe, I think you're going to want to watch this." Straddling him again, Abbey quickly snapped her garters off, discarding the skirt; she was naked now save for the black velvet bra that barely restrained her magnificent breasts. Propped up on his elbows, Jed watched her take his shaft in hand, rubbing his tip against the damp folds of her flesh. Over and over she teased him, allowed him a slight penetration, then withdrew him to slide back over her silky core. Finally, he could take no more. 

"Come on, Abbey, please. Let me in. I gotta be in." 

"I'm a naughty little witch, aren't I?" 

He looked up into green eyes gone sultry with passion and desire. "God, yes. You cast a spell on me three decades ago and it's still as strong as ever...Dammit..." He reached for her hips. "I can never get enough of you...never." 

"That's good." She cupped his face in her palms, stared deeply into those beautiful, beautiful eyes reading the desire mingled with love and kissed him deeply and fully, her tongue penetrating his mouth just as she allowed him full penetration of her body. She accepted his groan of helpless pleasure into her mouth with the same feminine satisfaction she felt when accepting his body into hers. Taking and giving, giving and taking, they rose together into breathless, mindless completion. 

"Wicked little witch indeed," Jed traced a finger down Abbey's spine. She lay sprawled over him, spent with the exertion of her climax. 

"You liked that, huh?" 

"I like that you think you have to ask," he chuckled, gently rubbed a finger back and forth over her black velvet bra, slipped a hand inside to caress the warm damp flesh of her breast enjoying the feel of her hard nipple under the pad of his thumb. "But, Lucy, you have some 'splainin' to do." 

Interest perked, Abbey shirked off her lethargy, lifted herself up onto one elbow to look down into his face. "What did I do?" 

"It's more along the lines of what you didn't do. Why didn't you tell me you had it out with Josh and Will at Camp David?" 

"Who told you?" 

"Leo." 

"How did Leo know?" 

"He overheard it all. Said that's when he realized how he might have been coming across to me." 

"I didn't like what they had to say about the peace talks." 

"The peace talks." He reached up a finger trailing it over the delicate arch of her brow. "Somehow I can't imagine you working up that kind of passion defending the peace talks." 

She scowled. He knew her too well. "Well, the peace talks and you. They were showing a complete lack of respect and using derogatory terms." 

"Really? Now you've got me completely intrigued. What did they say?" 

"I don't think it needs to be repeated. Suffice it to say, I let them have it and it was over." 

"Abbey, what did they say? I think you know me well enough to know that I won't let this go and I WILL find out." 

"Why do you have to be so difficult?" 

"Just part of my charm." 

"Fine," she huffed. "Will called you 'Mr. Share my gum with everyone'." 

Jed burst into laughter, that deep belly laugh that meant he was truly tickled. Abbey slapped him on the shoulder. 

"SSH! You're going to wake up the kids and Leo. And, it's NOT funny." 

"Yeah, it kind of is." 

She smiled. His humor was contagious. "I guess it kind of is. But, it wasn't funny at the time." 

"No, I suppose it probably wasn't." 

"But, it's okay, I took care of it." 

"My little warrior goddess. I wish I could have seen their faces, but, Abbey, seriously. I can fight my own battles." 

"I know you can. But, that's one of the perks of marriage. You don't have to." 

"One of the perks, but not the best perk." He squeezed her bare bottom letting her know exactly what he thought the best was. 

**** 

A few hours later, Abbey awoke to find herself alone in bed. Squinting at the clock, she saw that it was 2:30. Climbing out of bed, she nearly tripped over Max who was stretched out between the bed and the bathroom. Not finding Jed in their bathroom, she slipped on her robe and padded down the hall to the kids' room. Nicholas was sound asleep with Panda curled at the foot of his bed, but Aislinn was missing. A little worried, she hoped that her daughter wasn't sick from the candy and cookies. 

She found them downstairs – father and daughter sleeping in the leather recliner, a half full glass of warm milk beside them on the end table indicating that the little girl had probably had a bad dream, no doubt due to the story of the headless horseman. Jed wore his thick, plush, blue bathrobe and was snoring softly. Aislinn, in her Dora pajamas, lay curled up in his lap, her cheek pressed into his chest, blond curls covering her face. Her ruby red shoes were still on her feet. A wave of maternal tenderness and love swelled in Abbey's chest, burned her eyes. She pulled a throw off the couch and spread it over the two of them, smiling as the little girl stirred, whimpered, and her father responded unconsciously, stroking her back and offering a sleepy reassurance. 

She bent, whispered softly, "I love you guys." Then, after a kiss to each forehead made her way back up to bed. It was the end of one of those very few perfect days. 


	18. Altered Lives

"Hi, Debbie, is the President available?" 

Glancing up from her computer, Debbie saw the First Lady breeze in through the doors from the portico. 

"Just got back about five minutes ago. He's doing some work in his study." 

"Thanks." 

"Mrs. Bartlet." 

Abbey paused at the door to the Oval. 

"I think it's great what you're doing." 

"What I'm doing?" 

"The parenting class. The President says you have once a week for the teen moms at the free clinic. Babies having babies can be a recipe for disaster. They need someone to help them navigate." 

"Well, I'm just one spoke in the wheel. There's a social worker and psychologist involved as well." 

"Yes, but you got it all started. You're a good mom. Those girls would do well to emulate you." 

"Thank you, Debbie, that means a lot to me." 

"You're welcome. And, on the off chance you don't know, the President's pretty proud of what you do too." 

"He talks about what I'm doing down at the clinic?" 

"How do you think I know so much about it? Of course it freaks him out that you're down there and I hear a few of those rants too, but deep down inside he's damn proud of you and the difference you're making. Of course I'll deny every word if it gets back to him that I told you." 

Abbey laughed and opened the door to the Oval. "Your secret is safe with me." 

Silently she made her way across the office to the door that led to Jed's study, the thick carpet muting the normal click of her heels. Pushing the partially open door even wider, a devilish smile crossed her face when she saw Jed bent over retrieving a bottle of water from the little fridge he kept in the room. That beautiful butt was just too much temptation. Quietly she crossed the carpet, ran her hand over his rear and down between his thighs to cup him. Instead of jumping as she'd expected, he stood, leaned back against her, pulled her arms around his waist. 

"Mmmm...baby, that's nice but we're going to have to make this a quickie. My wife's due back soon." 

Abbey's hand moved down over his crotch squeezing hard enough to elicit a sharp squeak of protest. 

"Hey, hey, hey," he spun around. "Don't mess with the equipment." 

"Then don't try to mess with my mind." Her words were sharp but her eyes danced with merriment. "'Cause I'll tell you, I ever find you fooling around in here with another woman, I'll do far more than squeeze your balls." 

He chuckled because they both knew the odds of that happening were non-existent. He wrapped his arms around her waist, fingers locking at the base of her spine. "Thanks for the warning." He bent for a quick kiss to the lips. "Now to what do I owe this afternoon visit?" 

"I need to talk to you." Her eyes quickly moved from amusement to concern. "It's about the reunion." 

"My class reunion?" He allowed himself to be tugged along to the couch where they both sat. 

"That would be the one." 

Jed's 35th high school reunion was taking place the following week up in New Hampshire at Brewster Academy and they were planning on attending. 

"Don't tell me you're going to have to cancel." 

"Of course not." Abbey would not cancel out on that come hell or high water. There were far too many memories, far too many demons for Jed at that school for her to allow him to face that alone. "I got a call from Michael Cooper." 

Cooper was the present day headmaster at Brewster. "What did he want?" 

Abbey inhaled. "He wanted to know if, for old times sake, you and I would like to stay at the headmaster's home while we're in Wolfeboro for the weekend." 

Jed was silent, his eyes growing distant, but Abbey felt his fingers tighten where they lay on her thigh. He swallowed. "No, I have no desire to sleep in that house again." 

"I didn't think so, but I had to ask." She reached a hand up, kneading the tense muscles in his neck. "Don't let him ruin this for you, babe." She was not referring to Michael Cooper and he knew that. "You're looking forward to seeing your old friends, your campus. Don't let him take away your good memories." 

"I can't help it, Abbey. All my good memories there are tied up with him, with the bad memories." 

"I know." She laid a head against his shoulder. "I wish there was something I could do to make it better for you." 

He nodded in acknowledgement and she knew that no matter how much she might wish it so, she could not take away the pain of his childhood anymore than he could take away the scars of her rape. The best they could do for each other was to offer enough love and comfort to make it bearable. 

"You'll make it better just being there." 

"I wouldn't be anywhere else." 

**** 

Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, nestled between Lake Winnipesaukee and Lake Wentworth in the foothills of the White Mountains, a part of the state that was referred to as the Lakes district, was billed as America's first summer resort. Unlike many of the other towns and villages on Lake Winnipesaukee that had become victims of tourism and development, Wolfeboro appeared almost untouched by time. There weren't any fast food restaurants or tacky souvenir shops or nightclubs. People came to Wolfeboro to enjoy the peace and serenity of the lakes and mountains, many of them having been coming north to summer for generations. Big old houses with wide porches lined the tree-shaded streets with the de rigeur white washed historical society, public library and steepled churches that were typical to small New England towns. The downtown area was on a hill leading to and from the water and consisted of antique shops, bookstores, bakeries, cafes and an old-fashioned drugstore. 

Wolfeboro was the home of Brewster Academy, the private preparatory school that counted among its alumni, President Josiah Bartlet. When citizens of the United States thought about Jed Bartlet's home, they pictured the much photographed white colonial farmhouse and rolling green hills of the beautiful dairy farm where he lived with his wife and children, but Wolfeboro was where he had grown up; it was his hometown, and being old fashioned himself, it should have fit him like a tee. And, mostly it did. But Jed's memories of Wolfeboro and the Academy were as complex as he was himself. He'd had some great moments there. He'd played on the baseball diamond, rowed on the lakes and rivers, skied on the cross-country trails and made a name for himself in basketball. He was a school leader, president of his class and valedictorian. He belonged to the Chess club, Latin club, Key club, Outing club, Debate club and was a member of the National Honor Society. And yet, in spite of all his accomplishments and the view others had of him as the "golden boy", there was another side to life at Brewster Academy, a darker side. A side that included living in the home of the headmaster, his father, a man he both looked up to and feared at the same time. A man he had spent a lifetime trying to please, always falling short no matter how great his accomplishments. 

As they got closer to the campus, Abbey watched her husband's face tighten, watched the distance between them grow as he drifted into the past, a past that hadn't included her but that she knew enough about to feel a tightening in her own chest. She reached her hand out, placed it over his. 

"Concentrate on the good times, Jed. Try to let go of the bad." 

The sad smile that tugged his lips nearly broke her heart. "I'll try, but I can't promise anything." 

Big pillared white and brick buildings attached to each other by wide walkways that criss-crossed the green campus lawns indicated that they had arrived at the Academy. High up on a bluff above Wolfeboro Bay, the campus lawns gradually sloped down to the water's edge and the lake was a big part of life at Brewster – whether for swimming, boating, rowing or skating. 

School was in session and several young boys and girls wandered over the campus in the crimson and navy colors of the school making their way to where President Bartlet would be speaking. Normally they would have had the reunion in the summer, when school was out, but Jed had not been available over the summer and as he was their most famous alumnus, the reunion committee had decided to put it off until it was more convenient for him. Five years ago for the thirtieth, Jed had hosted the event at the White House during his first year in office. 

The motorcade stopped in front of a large white bandstand where the campus met the lake. The gazebo was a place where as a student Jed had hung out with his friends and as an adult had enjoyed stealing kisses from his wife. It was there with the deep blue lake as his backdrop and his wife at his side that Jed gave a speech to the excited student body wearing a crimson and navy windbreaker with the pawprint of a Brewster Academy Bobcat across the back. Ever the professor, this is where he felt most comfortable, standing before a group of young people, extolling them to do their best to achieve their dreams, to give back to their communities, to expect more from themselves and to never stop reaching for the stars. 

It was especially exciting for this group of young teens as was evident in the way they pushed forward to shake the hand of the President as if he were a rock star. Jed Bartlet was one of them. He'd lived on the same campus, learned in the same classrooms and swam in the same lake. He'd fished off the town docks, hung out at the Pinckney boathouse, studied at Kenison Library and got ice cream and French fries at Morrissey's. He'd had hopes and dreams and fears just as they did, and look where he was now. The President of the freaking United States – and married to a real babe – was how Abbey overheard it. Although she'd heard it before, it still surprised her to hear that teenage boys found her to be "a babe" and while it did wonders for her ego, she knew that Jed found it disconcerting to hear that teenage girls had crushes on him. With a smile of amusement, she watched his ears redden when a girl giggled to her friend "he's even CUTER in person". Cute had never been his favorite adjective when used to describe him, even after years of her trying to get it through his head that he WAS cute, and that cute was definitely sexy. 

**** 

"You ready to go in?" Abbey rested a questioning hand on Jed's arm. He might have gotten out of sleeping in the headmaster's home but there hadn't been a way to get out of the reception Michael wanted to have there for him. The big Victorian house with its homey comfortable wrap around porch and large yard surrounded by trees looked like an idyllic kind of place to grow up, but Abbey knew that life there had been anything but ideal for her husband. 

"I'm fine." His brusque tone was all Abbey needed to hear to know that he was suppressing some pretty strong emotions. He led her up the stairs without hesitation. 

"President Bartlet, Mrs. Bartlet." A tall distinguished looking silver haired man wearing a sweater vest and tweed jacket greeted them at the door. 

"Dr. Cooper. It was kind of you to open your home to us." Jed had to force the gracious words from his lips. 

"Nonsense. We're honored to have you here. This is a big day for Brewster. And, I knew you'd probably want to see your old home. You must have a lot of memories of this place. Your father is real icon here, thirty-five years as headmaster. That's quite an accomplishment." 

"Yes, it was." Jed's eyes got that far away look again as they moved into the living room. 

"I saw your mother this summer when she was visiting with your brother and sister-in law. She's still involved with the summer arts festival here. She looked well." 

"She's very well, thank you." 

"Well, I thought you might want some time to wander about so the other guests won't be arriving for another half hour or so. I'll stay here, you both feel free to look around." 

"Thank you." The last thing Jed wanted to do was to look around, but he dutifully set out with Abbey at his side. 

He had been back to the Academy several times. His father had continued on as headmaster until he retired and it had been his parents' home. But he had not been back in the headmaster's house in thirteen years, the last time being for his father's retirement party in 1991 at the age of 65. Four years later, John Bartlet was dead. Dead before he'd seen his son elected President of the United States. There were four things in his life that if given the power Jed Bartlet would change: his wife's rape, the death of his son Peter, the kidnapping of his wife and two daughters, and the fact that his father died before he saw him elected President. 

"You did have some happy memories here, Jed," Abbey reminded him. 

"Yeah, I guess I did. But, you know when I try to think of happy memories, the only ones that really come to mind are after I met you, when we'd come back here to visit with the girls. And of course, we spent our first Thanksgiving together here as boyfriend and girlfriend." 

"Mmm...Remember what happened?" 

Jed chuckled. "My initiation into feminine hygiene. Your period was a little more erratic back then." 

"No, it wasn't. It was nerves meeting your parents for the first time. God, I was so embarrassed." 

"YOU were embarrassed. I'm the one that had to go down to Hall's Drugstore and try to figure out what you needed. As horrified as I was to see her, it was a lucky thing that Mrs. Prescott took pity on me." 

In an instant, Jed was back in time to Thanksgiving break 1972 standing in the feminine hygiene aisle completely bewildered. Tampons, pads, light flow, heavy flow, panty liner, overnight, belts, adhesive. Who in the world knew there were so many varieties of products and how was he supposed to know what to get Abbey? __

"Jed? Jed Bartlet is that you?" 

His face heating with fire, Jed turned to see the woman who had once taught him English at the Academy. "Oh, um, hi, Mrs. Prescott." 

Amused at his fiery face and his stuttering, Adelaide Prescott glanced down at his hands. Even more mortified, Jed realized that he had a box of sanitary napkins in one hand and a box of tampons in the other. He quickly shoved them back on the shelf. 

"I'm assuming you aren't shopping for yourself." 

"Uh...no...no, ma'am." 

Adelaide wasn't sure it was possible for a face to turn any redder than Jed Bartlet's was at the moment. Deciding to take pity on the young man she turned matter of fact. 

"Do you need some help here, Jed?" 

Letting his breath out in a sigh of relief Jed admitted that he did. "My girlfriend is visiting and she well...you know...It wasn't supposed to happen until next week, so she doesn't have anything with her." 

"She just started today?" 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Adelaide perused the available product, handed him a box of pads and one of tampons. "That should cover it since you aren't sure what she'd be more comfortable with." 

Refusing to glance down at what she'd picked out Jed tried not to squirm. "Okay, thank you, Mrs. Prescott." 

Lips twitching with amusement Adelaide saw the trepidation on Jed's face as he eyed old Mr. Gagne at the checkout counter. "Would you like to give me the money and I'll purchase those for you?" 

He wanted desperately to say yes, instead he refused. Abbey was his girlfriend; he loved her. It was his responsibility to take care of her. And so, swallowing his embarrassment, looking Mr. Gagne straight in the eye, he paid for his purchase and left the store. 

"Good thing you got over that embarrassment with having me AND three daughters to have to shop for over the years." 

He gave a soft laugh. "I guess it was. Who would have known." Although never entirely comfortable, Jed had dutifully followed his wife's grocery list that thanks to a house full of females often included feminine hygiene products and had also made emergency visits to the drugstore on his way home from work. 

"Imagine if it had been my father that had seen me in that aisle. He'd never have let me hear the end of it." 

"Your father never would have done something like that for your mother. You had no idea back then how much it meant to me that you would do that for me. It really showed me how much you cared about me." 

"Loved you." He brushed a tendril of hair back off her forehead. 

"Hmmm?" 

"I didn't just care about you. By then I was head over heels in love with you." 

"Your father never would have done that for someone he loved either. You were always a much better man than he was." 

A picture of the Brewster Academy coat of arms that hung on the wall caught her eye as she spoke. She'd seen it so many times and still she read the character traits that Brewster hoped to instill upon its students: Respect, compassion, self-discipline, honesty, responsibility, fairness, perseverance, integrity, and service. If ever there was a man who epitomized those traits, it was Jed. Even today she could not stand here and understand how her father-in-law, a man who upheld it as his duty to instill these traits in his students and his sons, could live such a life of hypocrisy when it came to applying those traits to himself. 

"You know, Abbey, this is a house. There were good times here and there were bad times. I don't need a walk down memory lane. Let's go back and find Michael." 

"Well, if that's what you want." 

"It is." 

**** 

Freshly showered, Jed stood at the French doors that led out to a balcony overlooking the lake. He was in his room at the Wolfeboro Inn where Abbey had booked them a suite when he'd chosen not to stay at the headmaster's house. Sitting on a hill overlooking the eastern shore of the lake, the inn was also the site of the reunion that he was sure was probably getting under way right now downstairs. Still, he'd paused in getting dressed and instead stood at the glass doors wearing only his boxers and a dress shirt he'd neglected to button. A glass of Jameson's sat forgotten in his hand, his concentration focused on the lights on the western shore of the bay back at the campus he thought they'd left behind. The problem was that it wasn't behind him. He'd tried to be nonchalant, tried to shrug it off as not a big deal, but it was never behind him, not really. He hated it. Hated that he could still feel this way. He was a grown man with a wife and five children. He was the leader of the free world and yet here in this place, he was still a scared little boy trying desperately to earn love and respect from a man so cold and closed off he simply didn't have it in him to give. A man who one moment was guiding him along life's path and in the next lashing out with a slap to the face over what he considered disrespect or weakness. A man whom he now understood, thanks to Stanley, had such low self esteem he reacted with jealousy and bitterness over his own son's intellect, abilities and achievements rather than with pride or affection. Caught up in the pain of his memories, of a longing for something that would never be, he never heard Abbey enter the room from the bathroom. 

Having just finished blow drying her hair straight, wearing only a silky black slip and sliding the backs on her diamond earrings, Abbey saw her husband staring out the windows half dressed and lost in thought. The misery playing out over the lines of his face drew quick tears to her eyes. Quietly she stepped to him, wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and nuzzled into his back enjoying the clean scent of him, a combination of shampoo, Irish Spring body wash, and his bay rum aftershave. 

"You okay?" She kissed his shoulder. 

"Yeah." Again the brusqueness. 

"Jed." 

"Don't make this into something it isn't." His continued terseness only made her more sure of his turmoil. 

"And don't try to bullshit me. This is ME, Jed, ME. Please, talk to me. Let me help." 

He should have known he couldn't slip this by her. Wasn't sure why he'd even tried. "He's dead, Abbey. He can't hurt me anymore. Why does he still have a hold on me?" 

"Because he was a part of you." She turned him around, lifted her hands to caress his chest. "He was your father, a part of your history." 

"I'm so tired of fighting him." 

She frowned. "Fighting him?" 

"In my head. Every time I fuck up he's right there in my head taunting me with 'I told you so's'." 

"God." She closed her eyes, buried her face in his chest. He was slicing her heart. "I hate it that you feel that way. I hate it that he can do that to you after everything you've accomplished in your life." 

"It's better away from here. I know who I am when I'm away from here. But here, I'm nothing." 

"What do you mean you're nothing?" 

"That's how he made me feel sometimes, like I was nothing." 

Picturing the wide hurt blue eyes of her husband on the little boy that he had been, thinking of him, so much like Nicky, crying himself to sleep forced those tears from Abbey's eyes. She wanted to comfort him, make the hurt go away, but she couldn't wrap her arms around that little boy and rock him against her breast the way she wished she could. She couldn't comfort the child; however, she could comfort the man he had become. 

"You've never been nothing, Jed." Her lips pressed into the hollow at the base of his throat, ran along his collarbone. "You've always been everything to me." 

Jed's breath caught in his throat when she went down onto her knees, her lips moving lower over his abdomen, her fingers tugging his underwear down so she could rub her cheek against his springy pubic hair. Gentle fingers curled around his penis, slowly stirring him from sweetly soft to dangerously firm. 

"Abbey," his protest was weak. He wanted her. He always wanted her. "We're gonna be late." 

"'S'okay. Let me love you. Just let me love you." Wanting desperately to yank him out of his malaise, to pull him away from the ugly shadows, knowing there was only time for a quick fix, she closed her mouth around him gently suckling, reveling in the feel of him swelling and lengthening with every pulse she drew from him. Delighting in the satiny feel of his now hard shaft against her tongue, she felt hands tangled in her hair while she worked him with a fierce love and determination. Satisfaction ran through her at the helpless low moans she drew forth from him as she slid her mouth up and down his length, swirled her tongue around the rim then flicked it over the head tasting the salty emission that was the essence of his passion. 

Breathing heavy with completion, his fingers released their grip in Abbey's hair and tenderly stroked over her head. She looked up at him and he saw his own pain mirrored in the depths of those lovely soft jade eyes. He ran a finger over her slightly swollen lips. 

"Where were you when I was sixteen and needed comfort?" 

She smiled, kissed the finger that rubbed against her lips then got to her feet. "I was fifteen and certainly not giving boys head for comfort." Putting her hands on his shoulders, she searched his face, saw that some of the distance and tension were gone. 

"You feel better?" 

"You always know how to make me feel better." He kissed her softly, tasted himself in her mouth. 

She pulled back and slapped him gently on the rear. "Save some of that for later, sweet buns. We have a party to get to." 

**** 

The party was in full swing by the time the Bartlets arrived. Music from the mid-sixties – those great songs like "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'", "I Can't Help Myself", "Mr. Tambourine Man" and "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" – that urged people to sing along were playing over the sound system. Some people danced; some sang along; some brought up particular memories a song brought back to them and some simply continued to catch up on each others lives. Abbey knew many of Jed's high school classmates. Some had campaigned for him and some she had met at previous reunions and she was having a good time. It was different from the formality of a state function and she could be more herself. Jed, she noted, had loosened up as well. He was standing with a group of his former basketball teammates drinking a beer and relieving the glory days of their playoff runs while she was being swung from man to man to the Monkee's "I'm a Believer". 

Every so often Jed glanced up, caught her eye and smiled in a way that warmed her all the way through. When she wound up breathless and laughing at his side, it was his turned to be charmed. The first time he'd ever seen Abbey she'd been just like this. Surrounded by a group of friends, laughing, her hips swaying just slightly to the Rolling Stones' "Honky Tonk Woman". There had been a vitality to her, a fiery life force that drew people to her like moths to a flame. It had been his first true experience with charisma and back then he'd been unaware that it was something he had in common with her. That charisma, it was still with her. He'd seen the heated male eyes that followed her on the dance floor and the envious looks cast his way. His arm snaked around her waist, pulled her in close. 

"Thirsty? Want to take a breather?" he asked her. 

"I'd love to. Let's go to the pub." 

The Wolfe's Tavern was a part of the Wolfeboro Inn and was where the reunion was being held. The Tavern had several rooms ranging from the elegant Maple Room where they had been dancing and mingling to smaller, darker pub rooms all replete with cozy fireplaces. Pewter mugs hung all along the top of the bar and like everything else in Wolfeboro gave the feel of a bygone era, as if one might find the Sons of Liberty plotting in a corner over their pewter mugs filled with ale. It was at that bar that Jed ordered another beer and Abbey a golden margarita. 

When they turned from the bar to find a table to sit for a bit, Abbey saw Jed's brow furrow as his eyes settled across the room. Turning, she didn't see anything but a woman putting more food into one of the several warmers filled with _hors d'oevres_. Then, that woman glanced up, saw them, and Abbey saw the light of recognition in her husband's eyes. 

"Oh, my God, it IS her." 


	19. Altered Lives

"Colleen? Colleen Anderson?" 

The woman smiled shyly as Jed Bartlet approached with his wife right behind him. "Colleen Jarvis now, Mr. President. But, yes, it's me." 

Curious, Abbey's eyes moved from the wide grin on her husband's face to the timid look of recognition on the woman's. She watched as they shook hands, Jed's other hand falling intimately on Colleen's arm. The tiniest pinpricks of jealousy ran along her skin at the greeting between her husband and his first girlfriend then were dismissed as utter foolishness. Jed hadn't seen this woman in thirty-seven years. Wasn't she always harping at him about that when it came to his jealousy of Ron Ehrlich. Still, being human, she couldn't help but size up the woman who had at one point attracted her husband when he was a boy. 

Big doe brown eyes and short light brown hair in a pixie haircut gave Colleen Anderson Jarvis the look of a waif. A figure that was thin to the point of skinniness without discernible breasts or hips created a hint of youthful fragility that would have appealed to Jed's strong tendency to want to protect. A tendency he'd held even as a sixteen-year-old boy. 

Feeling Abbey's hand on the base of his spine, Jed turned, drew her forward with pride in his eyes. "Colleen, this is my wife..." 

"Abigail Bartlet." Abbey leaned forward and held out a hand to the woman. The emphasis on the 'Bartlet' stoked Jed's ego and had him holding back a cocky smile. Oh yeah, she was staking her territory all right. 

"Honey, this is Colleen Anderson...uh, Jarvis." 

"It's very nice to meet you." 

"Thank you. It's an honor to meet you, ma'am." Colleen couldn't help but stare at the beautiful woman before her. She'd seen pictures of Abigail of course – had in fact followed the Bartlets' rise in politics with keen interest thanks to her history with Jed – but meeting in person was different altogether. She was quite stunning. A cream colored silk sheath with a black lace overlay skimmed over her slender body outlining the lush curves of breast and hip. It fell just above her knees showcasing a pair of great legs. Diamonds glittered in her ears and on the clip that held a few strands of her long fall of gleaming reddish-brown hair back from her face and high strappy skinny heels made Colleen's feet hurt just to look at them. Abigail Bartlet was classy, sophisticated, and undeniably sexy. 

"Please, join us for a drink." 

A glance down at the plain black trousers and white blouse that she wore as her uniform caused Colleen to flush with discomfort. "I'm sorry, sir. I can't. I'm on duty." 

"Well, at least join us for a few minutes. Tell your boss the President and First Lady would like to speak with you, I'm sure it will be okay." 

His smile was infectious, it always had been. With his thick sandy brown hair, startling clear blue eyes and lean, lithe body, Jed had been an extremely good looking boy who had grown up to become a devastatingly handsome man. But, it had been what was inside Jed that had touched Colleen. The sweet, gentle, kind boy with the old-fashioned manners and strong sense of right and wrong. The boy whom she'd watched voraciously reading his way through the public library where she worked after school because he got interrupted too often by friends at the Academy's library. 

"I'll see what I can do." She moved to the bar, spoke with the man behind it then joined them at the table they had claimed in a quiet corner. Jed stood, pulled her chair out for her. He was still the only man who'd ever done that for her. 

"It really is good to see you, again." he said once they were all seated. He hadn't seen Colleen since the aftermath of that awful night when his father had found them kissing behind the school gym at one of the mixers. The derogatory things that he'd had to say about his son dating a "townie" had been meant to hurt Jed. Instead, he had mortified them both and had in fact sent the innocent young girl running off in tears. "It's been a long time." 

"Yes, it has. The last time I saw you was the morning after the mixer." 

He was surprised that she'd brought that night up, but hid it well, at least from Colleen, but not from Abbey. He felt her hand lay over his thigh under the table squeezing gently with support. 

"I still feel bad about that. My father had no right to say the things that he said to you, to us." 

"He was your father. He felt he was protecting you." 

Jed fought the urge to scoff at that statement, John Bartlet had never in his life had an urge to protect him. "You're kind to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's certainly more than he gave you." 

Colleen's attention turned to Abbey who was quietly letting the two reminisce. "You know about that night? What happened?" 

"I do." She sipped her margarita then set it down. She and Jed might not have much in the way of pasts, they'd both dated other people but had been virgins when they hooked up and were married by twenty-one, but what was there in their pasts was common knowledge to both. 

"So you know about the next morning at my house?" 

"He told me he went to your home to apologize and that you both decided you would be better off not seeing each other anymore." 

"There was a little more to it than that. It took a lot of courage to do what he did. He had to sneak out and defy his father and then he had to get by my own parents. You have to understand, I was so excited to go to that dance I drove my whole family nuts. I liked Jed a lot– Oh, sorry, is it okay to call you Jed?" 

An amused smile and an incline of his head accompanied Jed's "Of course." 

"I went to Kingswood Regional. I'd never be to the Academy. It was a big night for me, but my parents weren't sure about it. They were afraid I'd get hurt and when I came home so upset they were sure they'd been right. So, when Jed showed up the next morning, he was not exactly welcome. Except by me. He wasn't to blame." She looked demurely across the table at Jed. "You didn't have any need to apologize." 

"I felt like I did. I felt responsible because I was the one that invited you to come with me." 

"You were a class act. Even then. That's why I've voted for you in every election I could." 

"Because of that morning?" 

"Because you knew the difference between right and wrong and because you understood about taking responsibility. I don't follow politics that much but I know character when I see it and you've always had it." Her attention switched to Abbey who was nodding in agreement. "I read that the two of you met in college." 

"Yes, we did, at Notre Dame." 

"So you know. You saw it even back then, didn't you?" 

Abbey's hand moved from Jed's thigh to rest over the hand that lay on the table, the light glinting on the large diamond of her engagement ring. "Yes, I did." 

"So, Colleen, tell me about your husband. Do you have any children?" 

Both women gave soft snorts of laughter at Jed's question and Abbey's hand patted over his. 

"Very smooth, babe." 

She teased him, but knew that it was difficult for him to accept compliments about his personal life. He might have an ego the size of Montana when it came to knowing what he was politically and intellectually capable of, but when it came to praise over his personal characteristics, he moved quickly into discomfort. He was who he was and he didn't find anything extraordinary about that. 

"My husband Carl is a mechanic here in town. I have two children. My son Eric runs a landscaping business out of Laconia and he and his wife Jill have two little girls, Sophie and Jessica. My daughter Michelle just graduated from Johnson and Wales in Rhode Island. She'd like to open up her own B&B at some point." 

"You must be very proud of them." 

"I am. And look at you – FIVE children." 

"Yeah, a couple of them unexpected but completely adored. Our Elizabeth is a teacher but she's taking some time off to be with her kids. She adopted a little boy a couple years ago and has an older daughter Anabeth. Our Ellie followed in her mother's footsteps. She's a doctor in a research residency, and our Zoey is in graduate school. She's studying to become a psychologist and wants to work with troubled children. And, well, our little ones, Aislinn and Nicholas, are three and just started pre-school. We're just starting to enter back into the dance, karate, soccer, T-ball stuff again." 

Colleen enjoyed the light that sparked in Jed's eyes as he spoke with such pride and affection about his brood. "I've seen pictures. You have a beautiful family." 

"We like to think so." Jed's hand shifted from under Abbey's to move on top of hers, an intimate glance passing between the two. 

Looking at the elegant woman at Jed's side, it was hard for Colleen to picture her carrying and mothering five children even though she had seen pictures of her in designer clothes pregnant with the twins. Hard to picture her with spit up on her shirt and leaking breasts and circles under her eyes from lack of sleep even if she had read that Abbey breast fed the twins and thus would have been the one to get up with them in the night. Then again, she'd learned over the years that you could never judge a book by its cover. 

"Did you bring the little ones with you?" 

"We did." Abbey smiled and Colleen was able to see the maternal shine in that smile, in those beautiful deep green eyes. "They're staying with Jed's brother and his wife for the weekend so we could have some time alone. They live just a few miles away between here and Alton Bay." 

Colleen tried to remember the last time she and Carl had gotten away for a romantic weekend. Romance wasn't high on the list of priorities when it came to putting food on the table, paying the bills and keeping a daughter in college. 

"Well, I hope you enjoy your stay here. And, on that note, I'd better get back to work, it's a busy night for us. It was nice to see you, Mr. President, and it was nice to meet you, Mrs. Bartlet." 

Jed rose as Colleen stood to leave impressing her yet again with his manners, then sat back down. 

"Did you see the look on her face when I mentioned us needing some time alone?" Abbey asked him. 

"Must be difficult. He's a mechanic, she's a waitress, and they have a daughter in college. Bet they don't get away much." 

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" 

"If you're thinking that we might just have to invite them down for a weekend in Washington – maybe when the cherry blossoms are blooming – then I guess we'd be thinking about the same thing." 

She lifted his hand, kissed the back of it. 

"What was that for?" 

"For being a class act through and through. It's why I voted for you, you know." She winked at him and Jed laughed, brought her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss over her wedding rings. 

"I do love you, Dr. B." 

"The feeling is entirely mutual, Mr. President. Now, I'm in the mood to dance. Care to trip the light fantastic with your wife?" 

"I thought you'd never ask." 

**** 

"Whoa, what's all this?" Jed's eyes scanned the bedroom of their suite. A fire now blazed warmly in the fireplace, candlelight flickered against the walls and a bottle of champagne lay chilling on ice. 

"What does it look like?" Abbey turned him around, rested her palms over his chest. "I thought I'd take advantage of not having the kids around and seduce my husband." 

"Not that your husband needs much in the way of seduction." He tilted her chin up, gently kissed her lips. 

"Well, I'm going to do it anyway. No rushing to the main course tonight." 

He sighed. "I guess I'll have to suffer through it." 

"Suffer, huh?" Her voice was a soft dangerous purr. "You might want to remember just how good I am at making you suffer." 

"And you might want to remember just how much I enjoy it when you make me suffer." He discarded his jacket, yanked off his tie with enthusiasm. 

She laughed, shook her head. "Tonight, I want a little romance." 

"Then romance you shall have. I'm nothing if not accommodating." 

"Good. Would you like a glass of champagne?" 

He shook his head negatively. 

"Want to sit by the fire?" 

Again a negative shake of the head. 

"What do you want to do?" 

"I'll show you what I want." He took her hand urging her toward him, wrapped an arm around her hip and began to sway with her to the strains of "Whiter Shade of Pale" that was filtering up through the slightly open window of their bedroom from the party that was still going on below. His arms moved around her slender frame pulling her up more firmly against him feeling her breasts crush against his chest. His hands roamed over her back and rear in a way he never would have allowed them to do downstairs in public. He felt her relax, heavy against him and allowed himself to relax, to enjoy this moment of peace and solitude in life that didn't have much of either at the moment. 

He brushed his lips against her hair, nuzzled in. "Mmm...this is nice." 

"Yes, it is," she murmured against the warm skin that was exposed at his open collar. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if your father hadn't come between you and Colleen? If you two would have gone anywhere?" 

He was silent for a moment. One of the things he loved most about Abbey was her unpredictability and he certainly hadn't predicted THAT question. 

"Oh God, yes. There isn't a day that goes by that in between running the country, playing with the youngest two of my five children and making love to my wife of three decades, that I don't wonder about that one whole date I had with a girl when I was sixteen years old and all that could have been." 

She slapped gently against his chest. "Oh, ha, ha, very funny." 

He continued on expansively. "I dream every night about how different my life would have been if only I hadn't married a sexy red-head I loved with all my heart. A woman filled with fire and intelligence and wit. A woman who challenged and continues to challenge me every day. A woman with breasts so magnificent they make dead men drool, a woman with a bum so sweet and round..." 

"Okay." Laughing, Abbey pulled back and glanced up into Celtic blue eyes that twinkled with merriment. "I get it." 

"Do you?" His face grew serious; his palms moving up to cup her face. "Do you really understand what it meant for me to meet you? I took one look at you and that was it for me. I know people say it was physical attraction, lust, chemistry, but it was deeper than that – more profound. It was like on some visceral level I already knew you and that I'd been waiting for that moment when we first connected to really start my life. You changed my whole world." 

Her voice was thick with emotion. "You did the same for me. All my glorious plans flew right out the window the minute an absent minded young man spilled beer on my chest then looked up at me with the clearest, purest, most crystal blue eyes I'd ever seen. I felt that same connection and my world spun on its axis." 

He smiled. "But it was different for me. You know what my life was like here; what it was like until I got away and went to college." 

She did and sometimes thought it hurt her more than it did him. She couldn't imagine what it must have been like to grow up the way he had, always walking on eggshells, never sure just what might set his publicly controlled and privately volatile father off. Her father-in-law had been an extremely reserved, severe and controlled man; his weapon of choice usually the cutting of sharp stinging words but also, she had found out while she and Jed were still dating, occasionally a fist or open handed slap. 

"Sometimes I feel like my life before you was perpetual winter – quiet, cold and gray. Then I met you, fell in love with you and miraculously enough you fell in love with me. You brought summer to my life – warmth and color and beauty and light. You gave me your love. You accepted mine and you helped me to have the family I'd always wished that mine had been." 

She swallowed, blinked, pressed her cheek into his hand. "Now that was romantic. I love it when you get all mushy." 

"I know you do." He brushed his lips against her silky fragrant hair. "Were you really miffed that we spent part of the evening with Colleen?" 

She pulled back, wrinkled her nose adorably at him. "Not at all. I just thought I'd give you a taste of your own medicine. I actually liked her, as long as I wasn't picturing her kissing you, of course." 

"Well, you don't have to worry about that. You got the better end of the deal. My technique has gotten a lot better since back then." 

"Really?" A delicate brow arched. 

"Really." His voice grew deeper, seductive. A low sexy promise that made Abbey's nipples tingle. "My kisses are much more carnal now that I know how to use my tongue." 

"Care to prove it?" The move from tender romance to erotic foreplay was never a huge leap for the two of them. 

"I'd be glad too, ma'am." 

And he did. She loved the sweet intimacy of kissing; Jed knew that and gave her all that she loved. He held her face in his hands while he brushed tender, cherishing lips back and forth against hers pausing every so often for a gentle nibble. Only when she asked for more, opening her mouth against his, did he deepen the kiss sliding his tongue against hers, tasting the tart margarita and the sweetness that was Abbey. 

She grew restless, her body moving from relaxed contentment into burgeoning arousal. They still held each other in the embrace of dance, but the dance was different now – an older dance, moving back to the beginnings of time. Hands, hindered by the breathless shaking of desire began working at buttons and zippers and belts. 

"Ohhh...you do know how to kiss," Abbey sighed, as Jed's lips began moving down over the column of her throat. She tipped her head back giving him better access, hoping he would continue right on down to her tight nipples. He didn't disappoint. Tugging the lacy edge of her slip down, he lifted one plump breast out of the bodice, kissed the hard tip, and ran his tongue over it enjoying the quick gasp that escaped Abbey's lips. He wasn't sure she was even aware that her hips were growing antsy with the need to assuage the ache that was building between her thighs. With one last quick suckle, he slipped her swollen breast back into her slip ignoring the whimper of protest that caused. 

"You'll like this better, I promise. As I said, I've learned a lot more about the carnality of kissing." He knelt down before her, his fingers reaching up underneath her short slip, hooking into her panties, and pulling them down her thighs. Knowing what he was about to do, Abbey quivered with anticipation. Her breath caught in her throat and she gave a strangled moan as his fingers parted her and he gave her a deep open mouthed kiss there, his silky tongue caressing over the swollen flesh. She glanced down, couldn't see him because his head was covered by the black silk slip which made what he was doing to her most private area all the more erotic and tantalizing. Her breathing grew labored; her legs shaky as he kindled the fire he had created inside her to one quickly blazing out of control. One inserted finger along with his masterful tongue circling around her almost painful bundle of nerves caused her to groan; two sent her over the edge into orgasm with a sharp cry of his name. 

She was still weak limbed and breathing heavy when he popped his head out from under her slip with a cocky Jed-grin. 

"Guess I proved my point." 

"Guess you did." She closed her eyes, took a moment to regain her equilibrium. When she reopened them they were a soft green, the color of tender new leaves, but heavy lidded and sultry, the vagueness gone. Jed felt that look move from his eyes to tingle down through his belly rushing all the way to the tip of his already aching penis. She was ready for more. 

"Looks like it's my turn now. I believe you said something about enjoying it when I make you suffer." She lifted the slip up over her head and stood before him gloriously naked. Creamy full breasts tipped with rosy nipples, a tiny waist with a gentle flare at the curve of the hip, slender, toned, shapely legs and that pretty little fiery triangle between them. He felt the blood pulsing harder through his groin at the idea of what she might have in mind. 

"Make me suffer, baby. I'm all yours." He opened his arms out to her. She smiled. He wasn't easy to resist that's for sure. The broad masculine chest with the smattering of dark gold and silver hair, the bright, shining cerulean eyes, the tawny hair he'd tousled while making her climax, the thick powerful thighs that she knew would drive the magnificent bulge in his underwear into her body with a passionate fury all combined to form a devastating sex appeal. In spite of having just climaxed, she felt her body tingle and respond – an ache forming in her lower belly at just the thought of what he could do to her. 

She moved to him, brushed the tips of her nipples against his chest in a way she knew that he loved, slid her hand into the slit in his boxers drawing his painfully hard shaft out and stroking him until the first drop of passion formed on the tip, then backed away. 

"I'm a little thirsty." 

Befuddled, pulsing with need, Jed could only shake his head trying to clear it. "What?" 

Knowing what she was doing to him, feigning innocence, she turned and looked back over her shoulder. "What about you? Would you like a glass of champagne?" 

"No," he ground out. "I do not want a glass of champagne. I want you to get that gorgeous ass back over here and finish what you started." 

"All in good time." She poured the champagne into a flute, tasted it. "I love champagne." 

"Abbey." Her name was pitiful, almost a whine. She had to bite back a smile. 

"Look what you do to me." He shoved off his boxers, his erection jutting out powerfully from the darker hair at his groin. That was the exact moment she lost the upper hand, the secret spot between her legs pulsing and screaming at her to let him have her. 

"Very nice, babe." She set her flute down. "Why don't we take this over to the bed." 

"Great idea." He flopped down on his back and Abbey stretched out horizontally beside him. He gave long low moan when she took him into her mouth. But as delicious as that was, it wasn't enough this time. 

"More...more, Abbey." Her eyes flew to his, saw the light of blazing desire. "I want ALL of you, not just your mouth." 

With one last kiss to the tip of his penis, she stood, gently pushing him back onto the pillows so that he lay before her aroused and impatient. 

"Abbey, come on, I need you baby. Love me." 

Determined to chase away any residual shadows that lurked around him, wanting nothing more than to give him all the love she possessed, she threw a knee over his hips to straddle him. "I do." She pulled his swollen length back from his lower belly, sank down on him with a soft long exhale of pleasure. Allowing her body to accept his thick fullness, she bent forward, ran her fingers through his thick hair and kissed him. "I do love you." 

Jed's hands moved to her hips helping her along while she rocked slowly against him sighing out her love, her need for him. 

But, she wasn't quite finished with making him suffer. Each time he got close to climax, his hips shoving up at her in a frenzy, she pulled him out, squeezed his base and didn't let his orgasm happen. After three times, he was in a red hot agony of need, heart hammering, sweat beading on his forehead and chest, head thrashing against the pillows as he begged her to let him come. When finally he couldn't stand it anymore, as she knew he would, he used his strength to flip her over onto her back and pushed himself into her with one hard strong thrust that made her gasp with the pleasure/pain of his depth and ferocity. 

Knowing that she had pushed him to his limit, that his now unleashed passion would be savage, she wrapped her legs around his waist locking her ankles and clung to him while he drove himself into her again and again, welcoming the hard ride that shattered her nerves and caused her to cry out with each thrust to the hilt. She lost control, oblivious to anything but the rising crest that formed inside her as her man continued to pound between her thighs. He felt it when she came, heard her wild cry, felt her sheath convulsing hard against him, and the responding need to go over the edge with her took control of him. Nothing mattered, nothing but trying to get deeper, closer, to somehow lose himself inside the woman he loved. Everything inside him began to build and swell and tighten, then with a harsh cry of that woman's name, he exploded in ejaculation over and over and over. Hot pulsing jets that kept Abbey's body shuddering with the aftershocks of her orgasm until he finally collapsed on top of her. 

"Oh, damn". He groaned with exhaustion and completion. "I think you've finally emptied me once and for all." His body twitched, his buttocks clenching under her fingers. "Sweet Jesus, I think I'm still coming." 

"I think you are." She rubbed her hands up and down soothingly over his rump, both bodies quivering and flinching with the electrical impulses that still ran through them. 

"Man." His face lay buried in the long tangle of her hair. "That was incredible." 

"Yeah, it was." One hand moved lethargically up to his head where she began to weave her fingers through his hair. They had a great sex life, but nights like this were special – nights when the passion and need were so all consuming it was like it was when they were first married and still exhalting in the fact that they were going to get to spend the rest of their lives doing this with each other. 

There was a muffled laugh against Abbey's ear. 

"What?" 

He looked up at her. The hair at his forehead was damp, little rivulets of sweat trickling over his temples. "Now, I'm thirsty." 

She laughed, remembering how she'd tortured him with wanting to take a champagne break. 

"I'd like to help you out there, bubba, but you're smothering me." 

It was then that he realized that in his oblivion he'd simply crashed down heavily on top of her. "I'll get off but you have unhook your legs." 

In her own oblivion, Abbey hadn't realized that she still had her ankles locked just under Jed's buttocks. She released them, moaning softly not just from the protest of the muscles in her thighs that had been clamping fiercely to hang on to him, but at the feel of him, warm and still semi hard slipping from her body. She always felt just a tad bereft and empty after he left that part of her that had been so full of him. It was probably one of the reasons she immediately curled to him after sex, wrapping herself around him or holding him to her breast needing to keep that feeling of closeness and intimacy. Jed enjoyed it too, enjoyed sleepily holding her in his arms so that when she began to stir, to sit up, he protested. 

"What are you doing?" 

"I thought you were thirsty." 

"Oh yeah. I can get it." He started to get up. She laid a hand on his chest, kept him down. 

"I'll do it. I need to clean up a little anyway." She swung her legs over the side of the bed. They were still a little shaky and there was a definite soreness in her inner thighs and between her legs. 

Jed watched the slight flinch she gave as she took her first steps from the bed. 

"You okay?" 

She paused, gave him a rueful look. "Just a little saddle sore." 

A wide grin crossed his face. Never in a million years would he want to hurt Abbey, but saddle sore, he'd been assured, was a good sore and it made him rather proud of his sexual prowess. 

He still had that goofy little grin on his face when she returned with their glasses of champagne. 

"You're looking awfully pleased with yourself." She stretched out nude beside him feeling slightly decadent as she sipped her bubbly. 

"I am very pleased with myself, and with you, and with the world in general." 

She laughed. "Great sex will do that for you." 

"That it will." 

She lifted her glass to him. "To great sex." 

He nodded then added. "To saddle soreness." 

They laughed, clinked their glasses together and that night, in spite of being back in his hometown where the demons were strongest, Jed slept in his wife's arms the deep sleep of a satiated man – a man who was able to allow love to provide a healing balm to wounds that were never quite closed. 

**** 

That sense of loose-limbed well being carried on into the next morning as Abbey and Jed stepped out onto the cruise ship _Mt. Washington_ for a breakfast buffet and cruise of Winnepesaukee, the largest lake in New Hampshire. 

Addie Prescott stood in a corner of the Steamboat Lounge watching her most famous student conversing and laughing with his former classmates. Jed had always been that way, maybe not quite as gregarious as he was now, but he'd had an ability to befriend people and natural leadership qualities that caused his classmates and teammates to look to him for guidance. Although not the superstar or top scorer on his basketball team, he had been voted captain his senior year. That was just the kind of boy Jed and been. Dolores Landingham had once referred to him as a "boy king" and Addie had found the description to be quite fitting. How sad it was that Dolores was not here with them today. 

Thinking about Dolores caused Addie's thoughts to wander to John Bartlet and just how different he was from his son. Both were respected members of Brewster's history, but in far different ways. John Bartlet had demanded respect, forced it through his authority over people, while Jed Bartlet simply earned it. And while John might be respected for the years he put in at Brewster, he would certainly never be considered beloved or regarded with warmth and fondness. No, those were adjectives that were saved for his son, the boy with the warm smile and the compassion and empathy his father lacked. 

"You look about a million miles away." Dean Prescott, Addie's husband held out a mimosa toward her. 

"Just some years," she accepted the glass. "I was thinking about the differences between father and son, between John and Jed Bartlet." 

"Like night and day," Dean snorted. He too had been a teacher at the Academy for a very long time before retiring. "I still think of that day that John came to my classroom and told me to stop going easy on Jed because he was the headmaster's son. He honestly believed that that was the only reason Jed was getting 100% on his calculus tests; that it couldn't possibly be because the kid had an amazing brain. I tried to tell him, tried to tell him just how smart his son really was. He didn't want to hear a word of it. Cut me right off. Made me feel like I was praising Jed simply because he was my boss' son, when nothing could have been further from the truth. John Bartlet was one cold son of a bitch." 

Addie nodded, sipped from her mimosa. She'd worked for John for a number of years and found him to have the emotional capacity of a gnat. Oh, he was polite enough but one never got past that cool reserve, even after working for him for a couple of decades. It still amazed her when she watched Jed revving up a crowd in a campaign speech or soothing the nation after a tragedy to think that a man with his great emotional depth, with his charismatic appeal could have in any way sprung from the loins of such an icy man. 

Returning from the ladies room, Abbey scanned the lounge looking for her husband. He was usually the man with the huge crowd surrounding him. But, when she finally laid eyes on him he was alone. Alone outside on the deck staring out at the deep blue lake and the wooded shore far off in the distance. They had moved from Wolfeboro Bay out into "The Broads", the largest expanse of water on the twenty-six mile lake. She grabbed her coffee and a cheese Danish opened the door to the deck and flinched as the icy wind slashed at her face. November on the lake was far from balmy and old man winter was definitely letting them know he was right around the corner. Wrapping her hip length wool coat more tightly around her torso, she ventured out onto the deck. 

"Hey." She leaned forward against the rail next to him. 

"Hey." 

"They just brought out some warm Danishes." 

He glanced down at the pastry she held out to him. "I must look pretty pathetic if you're offering me sweets." 

"Yeah, pathetic always does it for me." 

He grinned, accepted the Danish taking a big bite then offered one to her. She bit down, eyes closing at the combination of tastes that ran over her tongue. The sweet pastry and the sharper creamy cheese. 

"You know, you look just like that right before you..." 

"Jed!" She quickly covered his lips with her fingers glancing surreptitiously around them. 

Chuckling, he bent and kissed the tip of her cold nose. "We're the only ones out here, hot stuff." 

"Yeah, I should have known. Only MY husband would be out here where it's thirty-five degrees when everyone else is inside toasty warm." 

"I needed to get out of there for a little bit. Needed to think." 

"Anything you'd care to share with your dear old wife?" 

"I was dreading this weekend, Abbey. I think you know that." 

She nodded, stayed quiet waiting for him to continue. 

"When all that crap came up a few years back and I started seeing Stanley, it brought back a lot of stuff I never allowed myself to think about or dwell on. Stanley made me face it. He made me see my father as he really was and showed me that I was not to blame for the way he treated me. It was hard for me. It's still hard for me." 

She fought the burning in her eyes as she placed a hand over his forearm and rested her cheek against his shoulder. Her voice was soft, filled with compassion. "I know it is." 

"But, I've been doing a lot of thinking, then and now. You know, I might not have had any great love as a child but I've had it as an adult. Some people never know the kind of love that I have with you and with our children and the rest of our family and friends. I'm a very lucky man, Abbey. Look at the life that I'm living. Professionally, I'm at the top of my game and personally, I couldn't be any happier. If I had the opportunity to switch things around so that I'd had an amazing loving childhood but a miserable adulthood with a wife who didn't love me and couldn't relate to me, there is no way in hell that I'd do it. I'm thankful for my blessings. Yeah, I might have gotten the short end of the straw when it came to my parents but finding you and building a loving family with you has been more than reward enough. I actually feel sorry for my father." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." His hand stroked over her rosy wind-chilled cheek. "He never knew what it was like to truly care about other people. He never knew what it was like to love with every fiber of his being, either his wife or his children, and he never knew the joy of accepting that love when it was offered to him. I have that, Abbey. I'm the lucky one." 

"It isn't luck, Jed. You made your luck. You were strong enough to make it through your childhood without allowing your father to crush your spirit or your compassion or your capacity for love. You saw what he was and made a determination to never be anything like him. And, you aren't. The kids and I are the lucky ones because we get to have a man like you in our lives." 

"You do mushy pretty well yourself, dear old wife." 

"I do my best. Now, let's get inside before we freeze our asses off." 

"Speak for yourself, southern girl, my ass is just fine." She turned to gaze back at him with a roll of her eyes. Only Jed would refer to Massachusetts as "the south", but she wasn't rising to his bait this time. She was cold and she wanted a nice big plate of Eggs Benedict. 

**** 

"Still feeling lucky?" 

They were on Air Force One high above Pennsylvania on the way back to Washington; and Nicholas had been crying non-stop since just after lift off from the moment he'd realized that he'd forgotten his beloved stuffed Tigger at Uncle Jon and Aunt Sally's. He'd moved from hysterical sobs when Abbey told him they could get it back in a couple weeks when Uncle Jon and Aunt Sally came to the farm for Thanksgiving to inconsolable wails when Jed reminded Abbey of the time Zoey had lost her blankie and thinking she'd get over it, they had spent three sleepless nights before finding one that looked exactly like it, spilling grape juice on it, and washing it and drying it about eighteen times to make it look more faded. The memory caused Abbey to get on the phone to ask Sally to mail Tigger to them ASAP. Now the little boy hiccuped pitifully against Jed's chest, his face blotchy red, his nose running and his voice hitching as mournfully repeated his plea "Want my Tigger, want my Tigger." 

Jed wiped Nicky's nose, pushed the child's sweaty hair back off his forehead, rubbed his hand over his knobby spine and promised him that they would get Tigger back as good as new. Through it all – the trying to get through to a screaming three year old, the ear splitting howls and the uncontrollable sobbing – he had not once felt anything close to the urge to hit his son to quiet him. He'd felt love, and pity, and a desperate need to get back the item that meant so much to the boy, but not once had he felt like lashing out. 

He kissed Nicholas on the forehead, lifted his eyes to Abbey. "Yeah, I still feel damn lucky." 

"Daddy," Aislinn looked up at him from where she was coloring. "You said a bad word." 


	20. Altered Lives

"What do you mean we can't celebrate Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving?" 

Having just gotten off the phone with Liz, Abbey tossed her cell phone into her purse. "Jed, that isn't what I said." 

"It sure as hell sounds to me like what you said." He stopped unbuttoning his shirt and crossed his arms over his chest, a petulant look on his face. 

"No, you just heard the part that pissed you off. Of course we're going to celebrate Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving, but we'll have to celebrate it with the whole family the day after." 

"I'd like to celebrate it on the actual holiday with my whole family." 

"I know you would, but that isn't going to happen. The girls are older now and they have their own lives and that means there are going to be compromises. We have Elizabeth for Christmas so that means they go to the Westins for Thanksgiving and Sam invited Ellie to spend the holiday with him in California and meet his parents. That's a HUGE step forward in their relationship, you can't begrudge her that." 

"Sure I can." 

"Jed...honey..." She pushed him down into the chair, began massaging his neck. "I know you're disappointed but we have a couple of choices. We can go home to the farm and have a nice Thanksgiving with the twins, Zoey, and our parents. Or, we can stay here in Washington, serve lunch at the shelter then fly home to the farm and prepare for a big meal on Friday at which point Sam and Ellie and Elizabeth and the kids will be able to join us." 

He sighed. "As if you don't know what choice I'm going to make." 

A knowing smile touched her lips as she bent from behind to kiss his cheek. "You'll take Friday and the whole the family and THAT, my love, is why I said we'd be celebrating Thanksgiving on Friday." 

"Ah, you think you know me so well." 

"Nope, I KNOW I know you so well." Barefoot, in silk pajama bottoms and a tank top that did wonderful things for her chest, Abbey padded over to her vanity, grabbed a jar of cream and began smoothing it into her hands and arms. "There is one thing I neglected to tell you though. Something that might make you feel a little bit better about the situation." 

He shut the hamper where he'd just thrown his shirt and pants and turned with an expectant look. "Well, please do tell." 

"Your grandchildren were none to pleased when they found out they were going to their Westin grandparents on Thanksgiving Day and not the farm with us. So much so that Elizabeth was just calling to see if we'd mind if she dropped them off with us later in the afternoon after they have dinner with the Westins so they could spend the night at the farm with us. Then, she and Doug will come over Friday." 

Jed's fist pumped the air. "Yes! Those are MY kids! I knew they liked me better than boring old Bert Westin." 

"It's not nice to gloat, you know." 

"Victory is mine, babykins!" 

She gave a surprised shriek when he caught her about the waist and swung her around. "Josiah Bartlet, put me DOWN." 

By the time he finally set her back on her feet, she was helpless to stop the laughter that bubbled forth at his boyish excitement. "You're certifiable, you know that, don't you?" 

"Certifiably numero uno and don't you forget it." 

"All right, all right, I'd tell you not to let it swell your head but I think it's already too late." She climbed into bed, held the covers aloft so he could slide in beside her. 

"You know, Abs, I think Friday's going to be okay." 

"I think so too." She snuggled up to his back, closed her eyes and gave a soft chuckle at her husband's antics as he turned off the bedside lamp. 

**** 

"The President really knows his way around a kitchen. You trained him well." 

Abbey nodded as the head of the shelter sat beside her and started to help making the "to go" baskets of canned and dry goods they would be sending home with people as they left the shelter. "That's what happens when you have a two career family. And, this kind of thing," she gestured to the room full of people eating and chatting, "he's been doing this kind of thing for as long as I've known him." 

The woman nodded. "I could tell. This isn't a photo-op for him...or for you." 

In fact, the press had been allowed their obligatory photos of the first family dishing up Thanksgiving dinner to the less advantaged and then sent on their way. 

"No, it isn't." 

Abbey wasn't one to brag about the things she did to help out her fellow man anymore than Jed was. But, the fact of the matter was that they both quietly gave of their time, expertise and money. Whether it was Abbey cutting out her fee for surgery for someone without insurance, donating her time to the free clinic, helping out on blood drives, flying out to help earthquake victims or Jed with his standing night at the soup kitchen, opening up of the farm to kids from the fresh air program, donation of apples and dairy products to the local food pantry, or helping with food and clothes drives for the homeless, they both tried to do their part. They also got their children involved as much as possible and oftentimes the local shelter in Manchester had boasted the whole Bartlet family in attendance to help out long before the cameras were following Jed Bartlet around. 

This year even Aislinn and Nicholas had done their part, proudly stirring the gravy under their mother's watchful eye to keep it from getting lumpy. Now with dinner finished, they were sitting cross-legged in front of the television with a group of children watching _Miracle on 34th Street_. Abbey's heart constricted at the sight of those children seated with her own. How many of those kids didn't have three nutritious meals a day, a nice warm bubble bath every night, clean pajamas, books to be read to them and a comfortable bed to sleep in the way her own children did? 

Earlier, while they were eating, she had listened to the parents of those children as they spoke of the pain and heartbreak of watching a child go hungry or trying to keep them warm and clothed – of not being able to afford even the basic necessities, never mind gifts for Christmas which was right around the corner. As a mother she couldn't imagine anything worse than to watch her child suffer or do without. 

Laughter drew her eyes to another table over to the child that had been her youngest for a very long time. Pride warmed as she watched Zoey with a group of what had once been sullen teens, drawing them out with card games and pie so that the occasional burst of laughter could be heard across the room. Zoey had grown so much over the past few years – college and her father's stint in the White House – maturing her into a fine young woman. She had always been a "daddy's girl" for she had been her daddy's baby for a long time before the twins had come along and now it touched something deep inside Abbey to see how much she was her father's daughter. Outgoing and friendly with an easy smile and generous nature, she shared Jed's knack in dealing with people, something that would bode well for her in her future profession. 

Some of those teens Zoey sat with were homeless; some were runaways; some, it hurt her heart to think, were prostitutes and drug addicts, and some simply stuck in poverty. The fact that Zoey, coming from her privileged background, could relate to them at all was a minor miracle in itself. But, she and Jed had always tried to stress to their children that people – rich, poor, young, old, whatever their color or nationality – were all at heart the same, with the same basic needs and wants. It was always nice to see those parental lessons take root. She also knew that Zoey would report back to Jed the concerns, fears and needs of those young people – needs that he as President would try to address. 

It was very easy to get isolated in the White House, to lose sight of the problems that the average person had. Jed worked extremely hard not to let that happen to him. Part of that effort included some reliance on his little ambassadors – she and their daughters who were still very much out there in the real world and who would tell it to him straight. They were a team. Team Bartlet he'd called them during the campaign. 

Her eyes fell with a smile on one of the co-captains of that team. A white apron still tied around his waist from when he was serving up turkey and doing dishes, Jed was seated with a group of young mothers. His fingers were interlaced before him on the table, his brow furrowed slightly, his concentration complete and intent. If nothing else, these women would know that their President had given them his full attention and that he cared. 

"Minimum wage?" 

"Hmmm...?" Abbey's attention moved from Jed to the man who had just sat down beside her. "Oh, hey Leo. What were you saying?" 

Leo grinned. What must it be like to have a woman who was so focused in on you, who looked at you with that combination of love and tenderness and fascination that Abbey had for Jed? 

"I saw where your attention was centered and assumed the President was discussing the minimum wage increase he's going to fight for next session. Those are the women who were telling him at dinner that even working full time at the minimum wage they can't afford to feed their families and pay rent and bills." 

"Disgusting isn't it? How can we tell these women to get off welfare if we don't pay them enough in full time jobs to keep them from having to eat meals at places like this or..." 

"Preaching to the converted," he held up a hand. 

"Sorry." A sheepish smile touched her lips. "I get carried away sometimes." 

"Don't apologize. I think it's great that you get just as passionate about this stuff as the President." 

"Why don't you go over and join them?" 

Leo shrugged. "I don't want to butt in." 

"You aren't butting in, Leo. Once you're recovered, you're going to be back as a special advisor to Jed. I know he's going to count on you to make sure the projects nearest and dearest to his heart are accomplished. Minimum raise increase will be one of them I'm sure." 

Leo nodded, placed a hand over hers and rose. "I'm glad you made me come here today. It's put a lot into perspective for me." 

"ASKED you to come here today." 

Leo laughed. "It's not asking when you don't accept 'no' as an answer." 

She tilted her head toward the group where Jed was speaking. "Go, Leo." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Abbey sighed as she watched Leo approach the table. Neither he nor Jed was dealing well with the transfer of power at the White House. Jed was tired and stressed and finding it difficult to relate to CJ as his Chief of Staff. It had nothing to do with CJ's abilities. Jed knew she was the right person for the job and that once she had her feet under her she would do a good job. The problem was that she simply wasn't Leo. When they had first gotten to the White House, Leo knew more about the ins and outs of the way things worked there than Jed did and Jed had relied on him to help wade through the minefields. There was a trust there, a personal and professional trust. They had been friends, equals, for a lot of years. Abbey had no doubt that Jed trusted CJ but that trust had come from an entirely different sphere. CJ had been his media liaison, his spokesperson, the voice of his administration and he trusted her implicitly in that capacity. It was just going to take some time for him to switch gears and accept her in her new role, a role that Leo had filled so well for him. She didn't envy CJ the position she was in right now. Change was never easy and this was a change that Jed had not expected and had been forced reluctantly to accept. 

Leo wasn't handling things much better. He was a man used to being in the center of things, being in a position of power and prestige; power brokers were what they called men like Leo. And now this vital man was relegated to having a nurse take care of him and tell him what to do and to watching and helping a good friend and colleague take over his job. She had no doubt that things would get better once Jed and CJ felt their way through this new relationship and once Leo was recovered and had a role in the administration. It was the getting there that would be hard. But, she wasn't going to dwell on that now, this was Thanksgiving, a time to give thanks and they all had a lot to be thankful for. Right now, she glanced at her watch, she was thankful to be going home. 

**** 

Abbey wasn't the only one thankful to be at home for a few days. Standing on the wide porch that ran around the large white colonial farmhouse, Jed's eyes soaked in the view that never failed to fill him with a feeling of peace and tranquility. Dairy cows, lowing mournfully, ambled across the open rolling fields, horses whickered and grazed in the white gated paddocks, hawks left the nests they built high in the trees that surrounded the property to soar over the dark blue pond, and far off in the distance, the last of the migrating Canada geese honked into the brisk autumn breeze. Home. This was where he and Abbey had built their life, where he was always Jed – husband, father, son, brother, friend. Where he could remember what it was like before he had accepted the weight of the world onto his broad shoulders. 

He heard the screen door shut, anticipated Abbey's arm sliding around his waist before he even felt it. 

"Beautiful day, isn't it, beautiful?" He rested his cheek against the top of her head where it was pressed to his shoulder. 

"Mmm...It'll be dark soon." This far north darkness descended over the land by as early as four o'clock at this time of year. 

"Let's take the canoe out." 

"What? I just said it was going to be dark soon." 

"Wouldn't be the first time we've canoed by the moon. Come on, just you and me. I've missed that since we got back from Ireland." 

The slight plaintive strain threading through his words were her undoing. God, how this man could turn her inside out. She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder with complete understanding and took his hand, a light of excitement touching her eyes. They didn't get to be very spontaneous anymore and she loved spontaneous. "Let me just run in and ask Zoey to keep an ear out for the kids and grab a jacket." 

The twins, so filled with excited chatter about their time at the shelter on Air Force One, had fallen asleep in the car on the way from the airport in Manchester and were now napping. Leo, who Jed and Abbey had convinced to spend the holiday with them rather than alone was still not quite up to snuff and he too had decided to grab a few Z's. So, the late afternoon was all theirs. 

Jed grinned when he saw his wife come back out onto the porch, her tiny frame enveloped in one of his Notre Dame pullovers. He scoffed when she tossed him a jacket as well. 

"It's warm out, Abbey. Unnaturally warm for this time of year." 

"Yeah, well we both know what happens when that sun goes down, so put it on." 

"Abbey, I don't need a coat." 

"Jed." 

"Compromise. I'll BRING the coat. Now before you say no, just remember that bringing it is a big step for me." 

She eyeballed him for a long moment then caved with a sigh. He was right. Bringing it WAS a big step for him, even if he was doing it just to placate her. 

**** 

There were several small ponds on the acres of farmland that Jed and Abbey owned, small watering holes for the grazing cows, but the big pond, really a small lake fed by a fast running mountain brook was the one they used for recreation. A glacial pond, the bottom was sandy and a bit rocky, the areas near the woods that lined one edge of the shore softened by pine needles. A dock jutted out into the water where the canoe and rowboat were tied and a hundred yards out was a square floating dock. When the girls were very young, they had measured their stamina by their ability to swim out to the floating dock. Jed couldn't remember how many times he had swum next to a struggling little girl to help her out if she got tired, offering words of encouragement and then cheers and hugs when she finally made it. Abbey couldn't remember how many times she'd called out to that floating dock to admonish her bikini clad teenage daughters who were laying prone sunning themselves to cover their fair skin with more sunscreen. 

"A lot of memories here." Jed's hands were jammed in the pockets of his jeans as he gazed out over the water. 

Abbey turned to him at his wistful tone. "You miss being here." The surprise in that statement confused Jed. "Of course I miss it here. This is home." He frowned at the quick shine of tears that came to her eyes. "Hey, what's this all about?" 

"Nothing," she shook her head. 

"It's not nothing. What's wrong?" 

"Nothing's wrong, it's right. I just worry sometimes about what will happen when your term is over. How you'll deal with it. I wonder sometimes if you'll hate leaving all the power and excitement behind you to come back here. If it will be enough for you." 

"It's going to be hard to walk away from all that, of course. But, it won't be hard to come back here with you and the kids. You've always been enough for me. We still have a lot of memories to make in this place." 

"Yeah, we do." He knew from the way she said it that it was something she was looking forward to. He couldn't blame her for that, for wanting her life back, for being tired of sharing him with the job and the world and he loved her for doing it for as long as she had. The least he could do was give her – them – these little moments, intimate interludes that let them connect on a personal level as a couple. To remember just who they were and where they came from. 

"Well, come on then. Let's go make a memory." 

With the choreography of two who had done it a hundred times before, they balanced and climbed into the tippy canoe then pushed off from the shore to paddle out onto the cold gray water. 

Out in the middle of the pond, unprotected by the trees, the wind grew rather brisk, carrying on it the bite of winter. With a quick glance back over her shoulder, Abbey noted with amusement that it hadn't taken Jed long before he slipped his pullover on over his head. 

"Not a word," he warned. 

"Did I say anything?" 

"You were thinking it." 

"Now you can read my mind." 

"As a matter of fact I can – or more to the point I can read your eyes." 

"Really? What am I thinking right now?" 

"Right now? Well, I guess your thinking I'm a bit of a jackass." 

Peals of laughter rang out over the water and Abbey set her paddle down to scooch back over the floor of the canoe and settle between Jed's thighs to lean back against him. "I guess you CAN read my mind." She pressed a kiss to his inner thigh, sighed with contentment as she felt his fingers stroke through her hair. 

"I guess I can." He grinned and continued to paddle enjoying the feel of her relaxing between his legs. There was a slight chop to the water thanks to the wind, the setting sun shining off the peaks before finally disappearing behind the tall pine trees. Quiet. It was so quiet as night settled in so early, the only sounds – the lapping waves against the canoe, the soft splash of the paddle as Jed dipped it into the water and the comforting, ever present lowing of the cows. A family of deer, safe from hunters on the Bartlet property, tiptoed in to sip water at the edge of the woods, a fox skittishly raced along the bluff and a barn owl hooted into the darkening sky. Night had arrived. 

**** 

"Okay, kids, grab your suitcases." Elizabeth climbed out of her car and gazed up the stairs to the porch surprised when her parents didn't come out to greet them. With a shrug, she moved to the trunk where Annie had already lifted hers and Gus was struggling. 

"Want some help?" 

"Nope, I can do it." 

Elizabeth ruffled his hair and let him go at it. While the children entered the house, suitcases banging against their legs, she stood on the porch and scanned the property still puzzled by the lack of greeting. That was when she saw them. Her mother and father standing on the long dock surrounded by darkened water and wrapped in each other's arms with the moonlight spilling over them. A pang and a quick rush of tears stung her eyes. Three decades into their marriage, her parents still wanted to hold each other and kiss in the moonlight. What she wouldn't give to have a love like that in her own marriage. 

"They're incredible, aren't they?" 

Elizabeth turned with a start; she hadn't heard Leo step out onto the porch, his own eyes following hers to the dock to see what she was looking at. 

"Yeah, they are. When I think back to where they were last year at this time, last Thanksgiving, and look at them now. It blows me away. It really is incredible." 

"They love each other. It's as simple and complicated as that. Even last year when they were so angry and hurt, they loved each other very, very deeply. I'm about the last person around to wax poetic, but when I think of your parents I always think of that poem 'We loved with a love that was more than love.'" 

Elizabeth smiled wistfully. "Annabel Lee." 

"What?" 

"That's the name of the poem, 'Annabel Lee', by Edgar Allen Poe." 

Leo nodded, he often forgot that Lit had been one of Elizabeth's double majors. 

"Well, I better go in and make sure the kids are all set before I leave." 

With one last glance at the couple embraced as one in the moonlight, Leo turned to follow Elizabeth inside and give his friends the privacy they so richly deserved. "I'm right behind you." 

**** 

Abbey loved her big cozy country kitchen. She had designed it herself over the years wanting the feel that a farmhouse kitchen should have. A large pine combination buffet and wine rack lined one wall and held a dozen or so bottles of wine, a basket of fresh fruit and several cookbooks that were used for more than just decoration. A ceramic vase that Ellie had made in a high school art class held an array of orange and yellow mums while a mug rack that Zoey had put together in seventh grade woodshop held a varied assortment of coffee mugs, several with the seal of the University of Notre Dame and two that stated "World's Best Mom" and "World's Best Dad" – obligatory Mother's Day and Father's Day gifts. Posted on the large refrigerator were pictures of pilgrims, Indians and turkeys that Aislinn and Nicholas had colored at pre-school. 

There was an island in the middle of the room over which hung copper-bottomed pots and upside down wineglasses. On top of the island sat a black iron basket filled with colorful red, yellow and green peppers along with bottles of olive oil, spices, and vinegar with floating vegetables and herbs. 

Jed had insisted on the New Hampshire granite countertop and she was glad that he had. Durable and beautiful, it was harder than steel and a blessing for a house with several growing children. Rustic earthenware crocks sat on the counter filled with flour, sugar, sugar substitutes and even dog biscuits. 

As for the dogs, they were both curled up together in front of the large stone fireplace that dominated the far wall. Pictures of the Bartlet family, immediate and extended, and their pets and friends lined the mantle of that fireplace along with Elizabeth's youthful contribution to the room – a deep ashtray she had made in grammar school for her father that was now used for the spicy orange, cinnamon and clove potpourri that added to the scent of the room. Above the fireplace hung an oil painting done by Abbey's sister Jane of the Revolutionary era kitchen of Nathaniel Hawthorne's famous "House of Seven Gables". The painting brought a piece of Abbey's hometown of Salem, Massachusetts with her into her new home. 

It was in that corner nook that the kitchen table, pine like the buffet, sat atop a simple braided rug in warm autumn colors. The kitchen table was where the family ate most of their meals, often enjoying the warmth of the fire on chilly fall evenings and cold winter nights. At the moment, Jed and Leo were doing just that, playing a game of chess in front of the cozy snapping fire. 

The room smelled delicious – of apple woodsmoke and baking pies and yeast from the bread Abbey was teaching Annie how to knead. 

"I like to make bread when I'm angry," Abbey told her. "It's kind of therapeutic taking your frustration out on the dough." 

Annie giggled and pounded her mound of dough. "It is kind of fun." 

"I washed my hands, Mommy. May I try now?" Aislinn climbed up onto the chair Abbey had propped up against the island. 

"Let's see." Abbey gave her daughter's little hands a quick examination. "Okay, go ahead, give it a whack." 

Aislinn did so giggling along with her mother and Annie. 

"Mommy, I think the pinwheels is done." 

"You think so?" She wiped her hands on the apron she wore and walked over to the stove where Nicholas was peering intently through the glass. 

"Yup, my belly's hungry." 

"Mine too," Gus added. 

She chuckled, ran a hand over each boys head and peered into the belly of the stove where the pinwheels were baking. "That doesn't always mean something's ready, but in this case I think you're right. They look done to me." She grabbed a potholder and pulled out the cookie sheet that held the pieces of extra piecrust she'd trimmed away when making the pies. With help from her little co-workers, she had sprinkled the strips of pie crust with cinnamon and sugar, rolled them up into little wheels, brushed them with canned milk and baked them until they were a nice golden brown for a special treat that was a Bartlet favorite. 

"Those smell great, Mom," Zoey sniffed the air from where she stood at the sink washing mixing bowls and utensils. "Pinwheels always make me think of the holidays." 

"Me too. My mother and my grandmother used to make them and now I make them and my daughters, my son and my grandchildren can make them too." 

Zoey grinned. Her mother might be a very modern woman in many ways but part of Abigail O'Neill Bartlet was very big on tradition. Traditions of any sort, things like her daughters following her into becoming members of the DAR, were important to her, but holiday traditions were especially important. 

"I want one now, Mommy." 

"Wait a minute, you're going to burn yourself." Abbey pushed her son's reaching fingertips away from the hot cookie sheet. "Let me put them on a platter first." 

She had to laugh as eager little children surrounded her and began to dance around her legs. "All right, all right. Go sit at the table and Daddy will get you some milk to go with your snack. Jed." 

Anticipating his own pinwheel, Jed slid his bishop into position then moved to the cupboard to grab plastic cups he filled with milk. When he returned to the table, he noticed that Annie did not have a paper dessert plate in front of her as the other children did. 

"Annie-girl, you better grab one before they all get devoured. You know how it is here, you snooze you loose." 

"I'm all set, Gramps. I'm dieting." 

His eyes opened with shock. "Dieting? You're kidding, right?" He'd gone through this with all his girls but never quite this young. 

"No, I'm not kidding." 

"Annie, you're perfect just the way you are. For Chris– goodness sake, you just turned thirteen and you're thin as a rail. Why would you even be THINKING of dieting?" 

"Because I want to keep it that way." 

"What kind of nonsense is that? This is coming from all those stick figures on the magazine covers, isn't it?" 

"It's not nonsense. Gram diets." 

"I watch what I eat, Annie," Abbey said. "There's a difference. It's good to try to eat healthy but cheating once in a while by eating a pinwheel or having a cheeseburger isn't going to kill you if you do it with moderation – something I've spent years trying to teach your grandfather." Green eyes lasered in on Jed who was grabbing yet another of the delicious pastries. 

"Besides you're very active and you need food for energy. I know you're being inundated with all kinds of media telling you thin is good but all those anorexic looking celebrities and models, honey, that's just as dangerous as being overweight. It's unrealistic and it's unhealthy" 

"Not to mention unattractive," Jed grumbled. "Who wants a woman that's all stick and bones." 

Annie shrugged, sipped her milk. "I guess. The boys at school think Gram is sexy." 

Abbey dropped her fork. She hadn't realized that her appeal ran THAT young. "Thirteen year old boys think I'M sexy. I'm a GRANDMOTHER." 

Annie grinned wryly. "You don't look at all like anyone's grandmother. You look like a movie star. Some of the guys at school went on to YouTube and found a video that someone did with some pretty hot pictures of you. You look totally glam. Mom said those pictures were supposed to be for Gramps but someone stole them and put them on the Internet." 

"Yes, they did. Those pictures weren't meant for anyone's eyes but your grandfather's. But what do you mean video? What's this YouTube?" 

"You've never heard of YouTube? Come on, I'll show you." 

Abbey stood, looked down the table at the three youngsters munching away oblivious to any talk of dieting. "You three stay here and finish your snack, we'll be right back." 

"I'll watch them, Mom," Zoey said. "I've already seen the video. And by the way, much to my chagrin, college guys think you're hot too. And in case you're feeling left out, Dad, there are plenty of videos of you out there too." 

"You've seen it? Why didn't you tell me about it?" 

"I thought you knew. Besides it's no big deal. Like I said, there are videos about everyone out there. Like it or not, you're a celebrity." 

"Come on, I want to see this sexy video." Jed pulled Abbey along to the computer in the study/library where Annie quickly got them onto the site. 

Both Abbey and Jed were surprised by how many videos there were of the two of them; it seemed that many people were interested and inspired by their love for each other and their marriage. The video Annie was talking about was made to the tune of the Sheena Easton song "For Your Eyes Only" and included mainly the sensual shots Abbey had posed for the winter after she had given birth to the twins and some paparazzi bikini shots from the beaches in Maine. 

Jed's eyes were riveted to the screen. He'd seen all the pictures of course, had the originals in a special photo album, but it was different in this kind of format with the music and montage. 

"Annie, maybe you shouldn't be watching this." Although the pictures were tasteful works of art, it was a bit discomforting to watch with his granddaughter. 

"I've already watched it, Gramps, and there isn't anything bad. Wouldn't even be rated R. I've seen music videos way worse than this and I've seen Gram naked so this is nothing." 

"Oh yeah, nothing." Abbey rolled her eyes. 

" _The passions that collide in me, the wild abandoned side of me.Only for you, for your eyes only._ " 

The video ended with his favorite picture, the one where Abbey was on her knees wearing only a man's dress shirt completely unbuttoned and held coyly together at the apex of her bare thighs, a fan blowing her long red hair back from her face, her large green cat eyes emphasized with dark eyeliner. A picture of him staring heatedly at her had been superimposed on the shot and it gave him quite a start to see the blatant lust in his eyes and to know that others could actually see how he felt inside. Now he knew what people meant when they talked about the way the Bartlets looked at each other. 

"Wow." He let out his breath as the video ended. He wasn't exactly sure how he felt about it. Had it been truly for "his eyes only" he would have been thrilled with it. But the fact that men and boys all over the world could click on it and fantasize about his wife was irksome to say the least. 

"Is that all you have to say?" Abbey's hands moved to her hips. 

"I'm not sure what to say. I'd like to rage about the invasion of our privacy but that ship sailed three years ago. On the other hand, it was very well done." He tapped Annie on the shoulder. "How can I save it? You know load it up or whatever it is you do on these things." 

"You need to join the twenty first century, Gramps," Annie laughed. "It's called downloading and I can do that. Or I can save it to your favorites." 

"Yeah, do that, would you. It's definitely going to be a favorite." 

"I can't believe you want to SAVE that." Abbey was exasperated. 

"Abbey, come on, everyone's seen the pictures and it was beautiful. YOU were beautiful. It wasn't dirty. Those pictures weren't dirty they were works of art." 

"I know it wasn't dirty, but they were intimate. They weren't meant for the world to see." 

"Of course they weren't. And, you know how pissed off I was when they were released. But they WERE released and they are out there and that video – you were stunning, Abbey." He bent, whispered in ear. "You took my breath away." 

"It's just strange to think there are people out there that I don't even know who think about me, about us, that way." 

"Lots of people do. There's even one about Sam and Aunt Ellie on here." 

"Good Lord," Abbey sighed. "Do me a favor and don't tell your Aunt Ellie about it. If you think I was freaked out, just imagine the fit Ellie would have." 

"Okay, my lips are zipped." Annie ran a finger over her pursed lips then rubbed those same fingertips against her temples. 

"You okay, hon?" Abbey asked her. 

"Just a little headache." 

The hand of the doctor automatically reached out to press against Annie's forehead and cheeks, quickly determining there was no fever. "Why don't you run on upstairs to my bedroom and close your eyes for a little while." 

"Okay, I think I will. But, we're still on for _Planes, Trains and Automobiles_ at 9:00 right?" 

"Wouldn't miss it. By the way, please note that you saw quite clearly that I am not anorexic stick thin. I have breasts and hips just like a healthy woman should." 

Annie gave her an amused roll of the eyes and a quick grin. "Yes, you do. Tim McFadden even asked me if you had implants." 

Jed choked and sputtered on his coffee. "What do twelve and thirteen year old boys and girls know about implants?" 

"Lots. I have friends who want to get them." 

Abbey shook her head. "Perhaps they should wait until they actually HAVE breasts before they decide they want to make them bigger." 

Jed was still stuck on how much young kids knew today, never mind that he was discussing it with his precocious granddaughter. "When I was thirteen, I had never even heard of implants." 

"Jed, when you were thirteen NO ONE had heard of implants because they weren't doing them back then." 

"Smart ass." 

Annie giggled as Jed playfully swatted Abbey on the behind. 

"You can tell Mr. Tim – I'm so interested in Abbey Bartlet's breasts – McFadden that they are indeed completely real and that's the last we'll say on the subject." 

She grinned impishly. "I already did." 


	21. Altered Lives

"Mmm...You smell yummy." 

Sponge in hand, Abbey paused in wiping down the counter, tilted her head to the side and let Jed nuzzle further into her neck. "It's the pies," she sighed. 

"I don't think so. It's cinnamon and vanilla and Abbey." He continued to taste the spot where his wife's neck met her shoulder. 

"I don't know why I bother with expensive perfumes when _eau de food_ gives you such a turn on." 

"It does give me a turn on." His hips pushed into her rear just as his tongue traced along the spot behind her ear that made her legs turn to jelly. She gripped the counter...hard. 

"Jed, the kids." 

"Are bathed, powdered and PJ'd and laying in our bed with Annie watching _Rugrats Thanksgiving_." He spun her around, traced the curve of her hips with his palms before those hands rose, quickly working at the top buttons of her shirt. 

"Zoey?" Her name came out with a hitch as Jed opened the top of the shirt and trailed his lips along her collarbone. 

"Taking a shower." 

"Ohh..." Her head fell back, pulse racing when his warm tongue pressed into hollow at the base of her throat. 

"Leo?" 

He paused, pulled back, gave her a slow, sexy smile. "Was tired, decided to hit the sack early." 

Before she could utter another word, his lips covered hers – parting them, his tongue sliding in to taste her more deeply. With satisfaction, he felt her arms wrap around him, her fingertips playing through his hair. Tugging her blouse from her jeans, both hands slid up underneath it feeling her belly quiver when he touched her there. The plan for a little innocent kitchen necking was quickly firing up into something much more. Those hands moved further up along her torso finally cupping over her satiny bra enjoying the weight of her breasts, the way her nipples hardened against his palm. 

"Oh yeah," he murmured against her lips. "These are real all right, definitely 100% real, firm yet soft, velvety smooth and pliable, with the sweetest, rosiest nipples God ever gave a woman and so damn responsive. Just touching them makes me hard." 

Her breasts swelled in his hands, her smile curved against his mouth. 

"Hey, impressionable young children here." 

Their granddaughter's voice caused them to freeze. Jed's back was to the doorway shielding what they were doing but Annie was old enough to know what had been going on. They'd been wrapped tightly in each others arms and the way they moved quickly apart when she spoke – the flushed, guilty looks they turned to her with and the way her grandmother tugged her unbuttoned and untucked blouse together – all added up to a little hanky panky. Catching them in a liplock was nothing new for Annie, but there was a little more of an ick factor when it came to coming upon her grandfather feeling her grandmother up. 

"Daddy likes to kiss, Mommy." Nicholas was all innocence in his appraisal of his parents' activities. 

"It's okay," Aislinn added, lest Annie be concerned. "Big people kiss 'cause they love each other. My Mommy and Daddy love each other." 

"Yeah, I know. Those are the same lines they fed me growing up. It's still kind of gross though." 

Even as she said it, Annie knew that wasn't entirely true. Part of her was grossed out; they were her grandparents, after all, and sex was supposed to occur between adults she DIDN'T know. But another part felt warm and safe and even relieved. Last Thanksgiving had been awful. Jed and Abbey had barely been speaking to each other and she had spent the day with her stomach in a knot, kind of like she did now with her parents. Her mother and father thought she didn't know there was trouble between them, but she could see the coolness and the distance and the snippiness and she'd certainly never caught her father feeling her mother up. They never even held hands anymore let alone kissed each other. And, she knew a lot of nights they didn't even sleep in the same bedroom. 

Knowing that her grandparents had come through a rough patch and were as close as they had ever been gave her hope that her parents might work things out. Jed and Abbey had always been a true constant in her life and seeing them at odds the way they were last year had been terribly scary, mainly because it was such an aberration in the way they behaved in their relationship. Never in her entire life had she ever seen them that way with each other. Sure they fought but they always made up very quickly and no one ever ran out or slept in separate bedrooms. So, as icky as it was to catch them making out, it also brought a huge sense of relief and happiness to see to see that the vow renewal ceremony had not been just for show and that the spirit of that day still lingered on. 

"There is nothing gross about expressing love," Jed grabbed a dishtowel and teasingly snapped it at her. 

"Really? I'll remember that when Mom and Dad let me start dating." The impish smile she gave him wrinkled her nose just like Abbey's did. It warmed Jed to see it, made him smile at her in return. 

"Let me reiterate. There is nothing gross about two MARRIED people expressing love." 

"If you think I'm going to wait until I'm married to kiss a boy, you're crazy." 

"I guess you better find me a strait jacket then because I'm off to the funny farm." 

"Now THERE'S a politically correct term if I've ever heard one." Toweling off her wet hair, Zoey padded into the kitchen wearing a plush terrycloth robe. 

Zoey and Jed began a good-natured ribbing of each other giving Annie the opportunity to approach Abbey. 

"Gram?" The hesitance in her voice caused Abbey to turn from covering the pies. Puzzled lines furrowed her brow. 

"What is it, sweetheart?" 

"I um...I uh..." The young girl's face flushed terribly as she stammered. 

"Honey, spit it out, what's wrong?" 

A quick embarrassed glance over her shoulder told Annie that her grandfather wasn't paying attention. Still the words seemed to catch in her throat. "Come with me. There's something I have to show you." She took Abbey's hand pulling her from the room, tugging her toward the stairs. 

Confused, but sensing Annie's reluctance to tell her whatever was bothering her, Abbey silently followed her into her and Jed's bedroom. Without a word, Annie moved to the big bed where the covers were jumbled from her nap and lifted the pink sweatshirt she had thrown over the sheets. When the sweatshirt was lifted, Abbey saw what was embarrassing the girl. A small stain of blood on the sheets. 

"I'm sorry, Gram." Annie's lip trembled with humiliation. "I didn't know and..." 

"Honey, sshh.."Abbey placed her fingertips on Annie's lips, a gentle smile touching her own. "If you knew how many times I've had to change sheets in this house because of someone's period, you wouldn't even think twice about it. This is why you changed your clothes?" 

When Annie had come down to the kitchen, Abbey had noticed that she had changed into a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt but had assumed it was to be comfortable for her nap. 

Annie nodded still feeling the blush heating her face. "It got on my underwear and my pants. I threw them in the hamper. I didn't know what else to do with them, I couldn't bring them down to you in front of..." 

Tenderly, Abbey's hand brushed across Annie's forehead tucking her hair behind her ear. "I understand." 

Her heart went out to the young girl remembering vividly all those roiling emotions of adolescence. The confusion, dismay, anticipation and complete strangeness of all the physical and hormonal changes that were taking over what had once been just a body the child never thought two seconds about unless it was injured. Now there would be worries about boys and hair and popularity and breast size and weight gain and looking fat in jeans – all that teenage angst some of which followed a girl right into womanhood. 

She moved to the hamper, pulled out Annie's clothes. "Little tip, woman to woman, cold water right away prevents staining." Filling the sink with cold water and a little Woolite, she dropped Annie's soiled clothes in then turned to her, searched the child's face, a sudden lump forming in her throat. 

"This is your first period, isn't it?" She knew Elizabeth or Annie would have called to tell her if she'd started before today. 

Annie nodded. "I've been waiting. A lot of girls in my class already have it. I was starting to wonder if I was a freak or something." 

Waves of the maternal need to comfort had Abbey reaching out again this time to rub a strand of Annie's long strawberry blond hair between her finger and thumb. "I was thirteen when I got mine. Your mom and your aunts were all between twelve and thirteen. You're not a freak. You're a beautiful young woman and this is a big day for you. Congratulations, Annie-girl, I love you." 

Tears burned her eyes as she held the slight young girl now sitting on that fragile threshold between child and woman. Still child enough to watch _The Rugrats_ with Nicholas and Aislinn, yet in a body that was starting the monthly capability of carrying a child of her own. How quickly time went by. 

"You're not going to get all weepy and sentimental on me, are you?" 

"Would I do that?" Abbey pulled back, eyes suspiciously shiny. 

"No, not you." 

She smiled at Annie's sarcasm. "Just because you started on the road to womanhood doesn't mean I'm going to let you sass me, little miss." 

Annie grinned. It was going to be okay. Her grandmother had soothed the embarrassment away and was treating her the same way she had before this momentous thing had happened to her. Normal. She just wanted everything to be normal. 

"Now, tell me how you feel." 

"My head still hurts a little and so does my belly." 

"Well, we can fix that. Cramps are normal and I always feel a little headachy the day before I start. I'm going to get you an aspirin and run you a nice bubble bath so you can clean up. You know, of course, we have to celebrate." 

Delight was hidden behind the teenage roll of the eyes. Ever since her mother had told Annie about the celebrations Abbey had with her and her sisters to mark the special day, she had been looking forward to one of her own. 

"You want me to call your mom? I think she might want to be here." 

"She will. She's been waiting too. And she uh...bought me some stuff that I'll need. You know how mom always likes to be prepared." 

"Yes, I know." The typical eldest child, Elizabeth was extremely organized and on top of things. 

"All I could find in here were Tampax and panty liners. I used a couple of the liners." 

"That's fine for now, but I'll have her bring what she bought you. You'll need more than a liner." 

Annie was soaking in the bubble bath reading _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_ when Abbey brought her the Midol and a glass of water. "All set now?" 

"Yeah. The warm water helps." 

"So does a heating pad if the cramps are ever really bad. Well, since you're all set, I'm going down to call your mom." 

Annie got a panicked look. "Don't tell Gramps!" 

Was that universal? Abbey wondered – the need to keep the males in the family in the dark? Was it simply being uncomfortable with something new, alien, and intimate that was for "women only" or was it some kind of need to hold on to a piece of childhood, a fear of no longer being daddy's little girl? She had asked her own mother not to tell her father and Elizabeth and Zoey's first response had been "Don't tell Dad" which Aislinn would probably utter as well. Ellie had not had that luxury. 

"Annie, I know this is all new for you and of course I won't tell him if you don't want me to, but, it's nothing to be ashamed of." 

Annie shrugged. "It's embarrassing and it's weird to think about him knowing about stuff like this." 

"It shouldn't be embarrassing. It's a completely normal and natural process. And believe me when I tell you that between me and your mother and aunts, your grandfather has spent his whole life in a household with menstruating girls and women and he very much knows all about 'stuff like this'. In fact it was your grandfather who helped your Aunt Ellie through her first period and brought her out for an ice cream sundae for her celebration." 

"He did? Are you serious?" Annie was intrigued. 

"As a heart attack." 

Remembering that night, picturing Jed, slightly discomforted and trying so hard to do right by his daughter – and Ellie, all shy blue-green eyes and blond braids, so emotionally fragile – sitting together eating ice cream sundaes, could still tug at Abbey's heart. She loved her husband every moment of every day but there were times when that love was so strong, so overpowering, she felt she could burst with it. That night, hearing what he had done, had been one of those moments. 

"Yes, and let me tell you about the time I got my period when we were dating and he had to go out and buy me the supplies I needed." 

By the time she finished the story, Annie was laughing. "Poor Gramps, he must have loved you an awful lot to go through that embarrassment. I guess it's okay then if you want to tell him." 

"Thanks." She bent and kissed the girl's damp forehead. "It doesn't change anything for him, you know. You'll still be his little Tinkerbelle even when you're all grown up and on your own." 

Instead of wincing at the dreaded nickname of her childhood, Annie flashed Abbey a radiant, grateful smile. That was exactly what she needed to know. 

**** 

"Where did you disappear to?" 

Jed was seated in his favorite overstuffed chair watching the football game and tossing a nerf football to the scrambling Nicholas, Aislinn and Gus. 

"Mommy, I'm going to be a football player when I grow up!" Nicholas grabbed onto her leg trying to tackle her. 

"Well now, isn't that something to look forward to." Images of broken limbs and visits to the emergency room flashed through Abbey's mind as she lifted the boy and tipped him upside down much to his hysterical delight. 

"I'm gonna play football too," Gus caught the ball Jed threw gently at him and ran with it, banging himself off the couch as if it were a burly defender. 

Chasing after the older boy, Aislinn shouted out, "Me too!" caught him and grabbed hold. "Daddy said we can all play for Notre Dame! They're the Fighting Irish, you know." 

Abbey had to bite back a smile. "Yes, I do know." 

"Why do the Irish fight, Mommy?" Nicholas asked. 

"It's a long story, boyo. I'm sure your daddy will bore you with all the details if you'd like." 

Jed smirked. "When they're ready I will bring Irish history to life for them. But, back to football. Miss Aislinn is pretty quick on her feet; she'd be a great running back." 

Abbey raised a brow. 

"Hey nobody would have thought we'd have women's ice hockey and yet all those New Hampshire girls helped win the gold medal for the good old U. S. of A. They might have women's football some day and if they do, Ash will be ready. If not, some girls do play football with the guys. She might want to do that." 

"Maybe, provided her daddy doesn't run out and attack the big guy who dared to tackle his precious baby girl." 

Jed glanced down at his delicate little daughter taking in her tiny frame and fragile bones as she looked up at him with wide, guileless sea green eyes. Abbey laughed at the wince he gave at the thought of somebody throwing her to the ground. 

"Now you know how mothers feel when some big brute jumps on top of their little boys." She gave a wince of her own when Gus and Nicholas wrestled each other to the ground barely missing conking their heads on the coffee table. 

"Okay, everyone, I think that's enough football. You're all quite wound up enough. Why don't we start to settle down. Put your footballs away and then Daddy will come up to read you a couple of stories before bed." 

"I will?" 

"Yes, you will. I'm going to be having a little celebration." 

"Why? What are we celebrating tonight?" 

"Elizabeth is on her way over. Annie just got her first period." 

The look on Jed's face was almost comical – a combination of surprise, discomfort and a touch of sadness. "But she's only..." He trailed off when he realized that he was about to say thirteen years old. Abbey had been thirteen and his girls had been right around there as well when they started. "Annie? Our little Annie? Oh, damn, Abbey, it seems like just yesterday she was still learning to walk. Time marches on much too quickly. I don't like it." 

She rested a commiserating hand on his arm. "I know, but until they invent a way to slow it down, we're stuck having to deal with it. Before we know it, it will be Ais..." 

"Don't finish that statement." His eyes darted to the stairs where Aislinn was dragging her blankie behind her as she climbed, her pudgy hand clinging to the rail, and felt his heart smite. "I'm a man of questionable health." 

She leaned her head against his shoulder watching, as he did, the three children and the dogs on their way up the stairs. She knew exactly how he felt. 

"Annie okay?" Jed asked. 

"Mmm...A little excited, a little uncomfortable with it all. And physically a little headachy and crampy. Normal. I gave her a Midol and she's in the tub reading. You'll take care of getting the three musketeers to bed?" 

"Yeah, I'm on it. You think she'll still want to watch the movie later?" 

She caught the hopeful, wistful hint to his question. 

"I think you can count on it." 

**** 

"So, what do you think, ladies?" Abbey, Elizabeth and Zoey stood in the kitchen before a counter full of cooling pies. "We can't go out to celebrate, so pick a pie to devour. Just don't touch the maple cheesecake, your dad would kill us." 

Zoey peered at them, zoomed in on one in particular pulling it forward. "Chocolate cream. It definitely has to be chocolate." 

"Definitely," Elizabeth agreed. "We're celebrating Annie's passage to womanhood and what woman doesn't need to know the healing balm of chocolate." 

"Chocolate it is," Abbey added her acquiescence "The wonder drug." 

Armed with their offering, the three women made their way upstairs. 

"All right, lazy bones," Elizabeth opened the door to her old bedroom finding Annie laying on the bed in her bathrobe reading. "Rise to your feet as the elder women of your clan enter." 

"You, Anabeth Abigail Bartlet Westin, will partake in the rite of passage to womanhood." Zoey followed carrying a candle. 

Eyes widening with trepidation, Annie backed up against the headboard. 

"You aren't going to make me strip and dance naked under the moon in some kind of pagan ritual, are you?" 

"While that sounds like a fun idea, no, we aren't going to dance naked under the moon." Abbey grinned and pulled the pie out from behind her back. "We're just messing with your mind. But, that's quite an imagination you've got. We're your family not a coven of witches." 

"Could have fooled me." 

"We're just here to welcome you to the world of bitchiness and bloating," Zoey plopped down on the bed next to her niece. 

"Headaches and cramps," Elizabeth added. 

"Spotting and accidents." 

"Okay, okay." Abbey hushed them, so that even Annie stopped laughing. "That stuff is all true, but more important than any of that is to welcome you, our beloved Annie-girl, to the time of miracles. What your body does every month for the next forty years or so might be a pain in the ass at times but it IS a miracle, a miracle that made all of you, that brought all of you into my life." 

Elizabeth held one hand out to her mother, the other to her daughter, linking the generations. 

"And, now I'm all out of mushy so let's dig into this pie and I don't want to hear one word about dieting." 

"Where are the plates?" Annie asked. 

"No plates tonight," Elizabeth handed her a fork. "Just dig in." 

The pie was placed between them and the normally dignified, well mannered Bartlet women dug in with gusto, teasing and giggling like teens. Abbey was gratified to see that even Annie stuck her fork into the chocolate pudding and whipped cream pie with enthusiasm that rivaled her elders. 

**** 

"Hey Gramps." 

Annie stood by the couch, hands in the pockets of her robe, rolling on the balls of her feet. With all the talk of being on the cusp of womanhood, she was still just an unsure young girl, all thin coltish legs and barely budding breasts. 

"Hey yourself. Movie's about to start." He lifted his arm indicating that she should slide in next to him. She made a few steps to do so, would have assumed that in spite of her okay, Abbey had not told him anything, but then he winked at her and she knew that he knew. She felt a little twinge of embarrassment but that went away as soon as he cuddled her up to his side. 

"Where are your grandmother, mother and aunt? Cleaning up the eye of newt and toe of frog." 

Annie giggled; her grandfather always managed to put her at ease with a laugh. "No, Mom is checking on Gus, Gram is saying goodnight to the twins and here comes Zoey now." Born when Zoey was only nine years old, Annie had never referred to her as aunt. 

Jed turned up the volume on the television so they could watch the comedy about a man trying to get home to his family for Thanksgiving that had become a family tradition. 

Laying her head on his shoulder, Abbey's words came back to Annie. "You'll always be his little Tinkerbelle, even when you're all grown up and on your own." Warmed by that thought, she snuggled in closer to the first man she'd ever loved. It was all well and fine to be growing up, to being on her way to becoming a woman, but it was nice to know that sitting under her grandfather's arm, she would always be a little girl. 


	22. Altered Lives

Elizabeth Bartlet Westin stood resting her hip against the door jam that led into the family room of the home in which she had grown up. A smile touched her lips as her eyes settled on her young daughter seated between her parents on the big plush leather couch. All three were laughing together at the movie they were watching. It hadn't always been that way and she was feeling just nostalgic enough with the proof of Annie's growing up to remember back to a time when the child had been viewed as a tragedy, not a gift. 

_(Bartlet Farm 1990)_

She was home for Christmas break from her freshman year at Dartmouth College, a week away from her eighteenth birthday and she was seven weeks pregnant. Just rolling that word over in her mind caused a stab of panic to rip through her mid-section. What on earth was she going to do? How would she ever tell her parents? Her devoutly CATHOLIC parents. Her extremely protective father and her doctor mother who had given her the benefit of frank, open dialogue over the years urging her to remain chaste while giving her all the information she would need about birth control to keep her safe and protected should she be unable to resist the temptation. 

Temptation, HUH, what a joke. While many of her friends had been having sex in high school, SHE had made the decision to wait, if not until marriage, than at least until she was deeply in love and in a committed relationship. She had avoided temptation for those years, but that choice had been taken away from her on a cold October night at a Halloween frat party. She wasn't a party girl, never had been – and wasn't that one of the terrible ironies. 

She was Elizabeth Anne Bartlet the eldest daughter in a family of high achievers. She was a good girl, the very picture of the responsible oldest child. A straight A, honor roll student, she ran cross-country track in the fall, did ski team in the winter and played softball in the spring. She was class president and involved in various clubs and volunteer activities and was a member of the Catholic Youth Organization. She was well traveled and mature for her years having parents that instead of leaving their children behind brought them along on their trips abroad. She was responsible and helped her busy mother take care of her younger siblings when asked, and if she was a little bossy, well that was her right as the eldest. And, although she wasn't perfect by any means, she didn't smoke cigarettes or pot or get drunk at parties. She was a go-getter who had her life well planned out before her, had even gotten early admission to Dartmouth. She wanted to be a professor, like her father, and she wanted to write books, books that brought history to life. One day she was sure she'd see her name on the New York Times non-fiction best seller list. And...now this. 

She was at college, away from home for the first time, just wanted to have a little fun. So, when she was invited to the party, she went. It was a big party, people spilling in and out of the large white house, loud music, kegs of beer and the smell of pot hanging heavily in the air. She wasn't used to drinking, wasn't aware with her tiny frame, inherited from her mother, how little it would take to make her drunk. There was a boy, well, there were a lot of boys, but there was one that was particularly solicitous of her. It was all a bit fuzzy. She wished now that she could remember what he looked like but the whole night was grainy, like an old silent movie. She remembered flirting a little, enjoying the freedom of being, at the moment, without a boyfriend, but things quickly deteriorated and she moved from fuzzy to dizzy and blurry and she was sick to her stomach. She went to the bathroom, threw up. When she came out she could barely walk and was so terribly dizzy she could no longer focus. How could she have gotten that drunk? 

Someone grabbed her arm; told her she could lay down in the bedroom. That's all she wanted – to lay down and sleep, to stop the world from spinning. The last thing she remembered was the feel of the bed as she stretched out with relief and closed her eyes. 

When she woke she was alone and disoriented. The party was still in full swing as she could still hear and feel the thumping of loud music and the voices of people. Confused and still feeling rather ill, she moved to sit up. A sickening dread ran through her when she felt a burning sensation between her legs. A quick glance down told her all she needed to know. Her jeans and underwear lay on the floor beside her and her thighs were sticky with what she had to assume was semen and streaks of blood. She was seventeen years old and she had been a virgin. Had been. Nausea again threatened and she retched horribly throwing up anything that was left in her stomach. 

Had she honestly gotten so drunk off the four plastic cups of beer she'd been given from the keg that she'd had sex with a strange guy she couldn't even remember? Tears burned her eyes, trailed down her cheeks. How could this be? How could she have done this? She was waiting to give her virginity to the man she loved and now it was gone and she didn't even remember whom it was that had taken it. And taken it he had, for it was not something she had willingly given. Ashamed, humiliated, and still feeling very weak and shaky, she cleaned herself up as best she could, put her underwear and jeans back on and went to find her friends to tell them she was going back to the dorm. They were all gone; it was 4 a.m. She'd been passed out for almost five hours. 

The next day, when she was thinking more clearly, she made the decision not to tell a soul. As far as she knew, there wasn't anybody who knew what happened to her. Her friends didn't know. They had looked for her when they left party and when they couldn't find her assumed she had left earlier as they knew the party was not Lizzie's scene. She had to put that night behind her. She'd made a mistake. She'd been warned by her father to stay away from frat parties, had been warned by her mother about the loss of inhibition that occurred when you got drunk – and she had paid the price. It wasn't the end of the world. So she didn't know whom the first boy she'd had sex with was. The lack of memory might be a blessing as it could still all be new for her when she made love the first time with the man she loved. At least that was the positive spin she tried to put on things, and yet, still, she felt horribly sickened every time she thought of that night. Why hadn't she felt anything? Why hadn't she awakened when he'd begun having sex with her? She wasn't one of those ignorant girls who learned about sex from their friends or a romance novel. Her mother had been very thorough and very open and had explained to her in one of their mother/daughter talks that the first time having intercourse was usually uncomfortable and even painful for some women. Even drunk she should have been somewhat aware of what was happening to her body. 

When she started feeling nauseous at strange times, it didn't hit her straight away. It wasn't until she missed her period and found herself throwing up for the fourth day in a row that she flashed on her mother's bouts of morning sickness when she was pregnant with Zoey and just a few years ago with Peter. The poor woman had spent a lot of time on her knees in front of the toilet. Pregnant? Could she really be pregnant? Terror turned her blood to ice and she rushed out to buy a home pregnancy test. When the little strip turned blue, her entire world crashed in around her. All denial was gone. She was pregnant and she didn't even know who the father of her baby was. All her glorious plans for the future were shattered into smithereens. 

Now she was home watching her mother sitting on the couch folding laundry while she watched a _Little House on the Prairie_ rerun with eight year old Zoey and her young heart yearned to throw herself into Abbey's arms as she had when she was a small child. 'I'm scared Mom. Oh, God, I'm so scared. Please make it better. Please wave some kind of magic wand and make this all go away. Help me, Mommy.' The words got strangled in her throat and instead of running to her mother, she ran out to the barn sobbing all her pain and fear into the mane of Pipin, the old Shetland pony that had been ridden and adored by all three Bartlet girls. When the crying jag ended, she curled up in the hay wishing she could cover herself up in it and just disappear. Wishing she would wake up in her bed and realize that this had all been some horrible nightmare, but knowing every time her stomach revolted and every time she went to the bathroom and didn't see the tell tale signs that it wasn't a nightmare. This was reality and she had some tough decisions to make. 

She'd thought about pulling money out of her account and going off by herself to have an abortion so that her parents would never have to know. But, already she could see her mother eyeing her strangely and she knew that whatever she decided to do, in spite of not wanting to see their disappointment in her, she had to tell her parents. This was just too big for her to handle on her own and she had to trust them. They'd always told her over the years that she could tell them anything and they would still love her. Well, they were about to be tested with that in a very, very big way. 

**** 

Sitting on the couch side by side while Elizabeth paced before them, Abbey and Jed cast each other puzzled looks. She had wanted to talk to them together privately but now the anxious girl seemed unable to start. 

Glancing up at her parents' expectant faces, Elizabeth felt her throat clog, felt the tears flooding her eyes. They expected so much from her and she had never before let them down, not like this. Losing their respect was almost as scary a prospect as dealing with their anger when they found out what she had to tell them. 

"Okay, Elizabeth, you're making us a little nervous here. What? Did you get a C or something? It happens to a lot of freshmen; you're on your own for the first time, it's a whole new experience. You just have to apply yourself a little–" 

"I didn't get a C, Daddy." A tear trailed down Elizabeth's cheek and with a rush of fear snaking up her spine, Abbey remembered hearing her daughter retching in her bathroom the other morning and being assured she just ate something bad at the mall. Remembered just how scared she had felt when she was throwing up her breakfast and had come to the realization that she was pregnant with Elizabeth. 

No, not pregnancy, it couldn't be. Lizzie had broken up with her high school boyfriend and didn't have a new one yet, at least one that they were aware of. Bulimia. She actually felt a moment of relief thinking that Elizabeth was going to tell them she was bulimic. And still, she knew, deep in her mother's heart, she knew. 

"You're pregnant." she said it flatly, without emotion. 

Jed turned to her with outrage. "Abbey, for God's sake, she isn't PREGNANT! She doesn't even have a boyfriend and..." 

"Daddy," Elizabeth fought for control, steeled herself for his anger. "Mom's right. I am pregnant." 

Although she had known, Abbey felt the walls closing in around her, the rush of adrenaline that had her heart racing and screaming that it couldn't be true. 

Jed stared at his daughter in disbelief. He simply could not wrap his mind around the idea that his little girl was pregnant. Looking at her now he saw not the lovely, poised young college freshman but the baby sitting in her highchair drooling and reaching to him to pick her up "da da, da da", the toddler with the big blue eyes and pretty copper pigtails shoving a pudgy leg at him, "Daddy, I got a boo boo. You kiss it and make it better". A band tightened around his chest, anger warring with disappointment and a whole load of fear. 

"How the hell can you be pregnant, Elizabeth? As far as WE know, you don't even have a boyfriend. Who is the father of this baby?" 

"I don't know." It came out as a shamed whisper. 

Abbey felt Jed's whole body jerk beside her, as if he had just been dealt a physical blow. 

"YOU DON'T KNOW!" He did explode then. "Is that the way we raised you?! I don't think it is. We talked to you about abstinence and the importance of waiting for the right person. We taught you to respect your body and about birth control and now you're pregnant and you don't know who the GODDAMN father is?" 

"Jed." Abbey laid a calming hand on his arm watching Elizabeth's face pale and crumble. "Lizzie, this just doesn't sound like you. We talked about all this. You wanted to wait; you were adamant about it. And," now fear-laced anger wove its way into Abbey's words, "we talked about the importance of using condoms if you felt that you couldn't wait, not just to avoid pregnancy but to keep you safe from AIDS. Do you know how DANGEROUS it is to have unprotected sex, especially with someone you don't even know? Do you have any idea of what you've left yourself open to? Because you damn well should since I've been drilling it into your head since before you even reached adolescence." 

Elizabeth began to cry. "I didn't do it on purpose! I didn't mean to have unprotected sex. I didn't mean to have sex at all!" And then the whole sordid tale spilled forth. Jed and Abbey's anger moved to shock and then back to fury with the faceless bastard that had taken advantage of their daughter. By the end, Elizabeth was wrapped in Abbey's arms. 

"What am I going to do, Mom?" she sobbed. "I can't have a BABY. What am I going to do?" 

"Ssh...It's okay, sweetheart." Abbey held her daughter to her breast, stroked her hair, felt Elizabeth clutching her desperately. "You're not alone." Tears eked out through her closed eyelids and dripped from her chin to the top of Elizabeth's head. "Your dad and I are going to help you get through this. You're not alone." 

Cheek pressed to Abbey's chest, Elizabeth turned watery eyes to where her father stood frozen. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you and I'm so sorry I disappointed you. Please, Daddy, please don't hate me. I don't think I could stand it if you hate me." 

"Lizzie...baby." The tears he'd forced back while Elizabeth told them how she'd gotten pregnant now stung his eyes and he wrapped both her and Abbey in his strong, loving arms. "You didn't disappoint me and God above, I could never hate you – NEVER. Do understand me? NEVER. There is nothing on earth that you could do that would make me hate you. I love you. Sweetheart. I love you with all my heart and nothing could ever change that." 

His unconditional love made Elizabeth cry even harder, this time from relief as well as fear. Wrapped in her parents' arms, feeling their love and support, she felt that things might be okay for the first time since she'd looked at that blue stick. 

"Your mother is right. You aren't alone. We're a family and we'll figure this out together as a family." 

Abbey smoothed the tears back off Elizabeth's face, gazed into her crystal blue eyes. She was back in control, back in mother mode. However crushed she was, she had to put those feelings aside and be strong for her daughter. "First of all, are you SURE you're pregnant." 

"I did a home pregnancy test and it was positive." After explaining the symptoms of early pregnancy that were very familiar to Abbey, she had to conclude that Elizabeth was indeed pregnant. Still, she told the girl she would set up an appointment with her own OB-GYN so they could be positive and so she could be tested for STDs. 

Gently, and with concern, Abbey then asked Elizabeth if she knew what she wanted to do about the pregnancy. 

"My first thought when I saw the test was positive was to go off and have an abortion and that way no one would ever have to know." She felt her father's thigh twitch, saw his jaw tighten. Politically he was staunchly pro-choice, but she knew that personally he was more ambivalent. 

"I'm glad you didn't do that. You can't rush into a decision like that and it's certainly not something you should have kept from us." 

Abbey knew that Elizabeth was quite aware that having an abortion was not a decision to be made lightly, but that it had been the first response of a scared girl wanting to run away from a very big problem. 

"Whatever your decision, it's going to be something that will affect you for the rest of your life. I'm glad you're allowing your dad and I to help you. You aren't in this alone, Lizzie, that I can promise you." 

"And you don't have to make any decisions tonight," Jed added. "It's late, we're all tired and reeling. Why don't you run on up to bed and get some sleep. We can talk again tomorrow." 

Elizabeth nodded, stood and bent to kiss each of her parents. Before leaving the room she paused, turned back to look at them. "I just want you both to know that I'm sorry. Even if everyone else does it, I know I shouldn't have been drinking. If I hadn't gotten drunk..." 

"Elizabeth, you weren't drunk." 

Both Elizabeth and Jed's eyes snapped to Abbey who was very firm in that opinion. 

"Yes I was, Mom, I was totally out of it. I couldn't even see and I passed out for HOURS. I can't remember ANYTHING. I totally blacked out." 

"Lizzie, you said you had four plastic cups of beer. I've had that much beer before. You might have been buzzed, tipsy, but you would not have been that completely out of it. And even drunk you would have felt what was happening to you even if it was just a vague memory. You have to drink far more than that to black out." 

"What are saying, Abbey?" 

"I'm saying that from the way Liz was feeling, I think something was put in her beer. GHB or some kind of date rape drug. You have no memory of what happened to you after you were brought to the bedroom?" 

"None. I woke up and it was five hours later. That whole time is blank." 

"We can't know for sure because it's too late to test, but I'm about 100% positive that something was purposely put in your drink. What happened to you, Elizabeth, was not a girl having too much to drink and losing her inhibitions. What happened to you was rape." 

Elizabeth's face registered her shock. Six years ago her mother had been raped and there didn't seem to be any correlation between the lack of violence in her own situation and the brutality of what had been done to her mother. Although she'd only been eleven at the time, she could still vividly remember what her mother had looked like when her father brought her home after the attack. Her eye had been blackened, stitches criss-crossed her swollen bottom lip, ugly purple bruises covered her body and she'd had difficulty walking for days. Only when Elizabeth was a little older and had learned the difference between "attack" and "rape" had she come to realize exactly why her mother had been in the kind of pain that had her sucking in her breath sharply when she sat and when she rose. 

"But...but I'm okay," Elizabeth flashed her limbs at them. "I'm not hurt." 

Jed's hand slipped over Abbey's, felt her tense. Six years later, Jed knew how hard it still was for Abbey to talk about. 

"Not every rape includes the kind of violence you saw on me." Her voice was even, matter of fact, but her hand tightned on Jed's and he knew what it cost her to compare the two situations. "Rape means not giving a woman a choice. You didn't have a choice because you were unconscious. If you'd gone to the clinic right away, they could have done a rape kit. They could have used DNA to find out who did this to you. God, honey, I wish you had at least come to me." 

"I'm sorry, Mom." Her eyes fell to the floor. "I guess I messed up all around. I didn't go to the clinic because I didn't think that I'd been raped and I couldn't come to you and tell you that I'd gotten so drunk. I didn't remember having sex with a boy or who it was. I was so ashamed." Her face reddened. It was hard enough to talk to her mother about these intimate things but having her father in the room made it even more difficult. 

"It's all right. I'm not trying to put the blame on you or make you feel bad. I'm just frustrated." 

Jed turned to her, the need for punishment strong. "Isn't there some way? There has to be some way to find out who this guy is. To make him pay for what he's done. I can call Stephen. We can press charges." 

"No, Dad, stop." Elizabeth balked at the idea of her father calling the college president who was also a friend of his. "I don't know who it was. I don't have a face. And, I don't have any proof. If I go to the authorities they'll say I got drunk, had sex, ended up pregnant and now I want someone to pay. It's too late." 

She was right, Abbey thought sadly, and it was the last thing her daughter needed to deal with on top of an unwanted teen pregnancy. She also knew that whoever it was that had done this would never pay the price that her daughter was going to pay. 

"However it happened, the problem we have to deal with now is the pregnancy. Your dad was right earlier. I think we need to all get some sleep and revisit this tomorrow." 

Elizabeth moved to leave, paused. "Mom, will you come with me?" 

Shades of the little girl she had been. "Mommy, will you tuck me in?", "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" 

"Of course I'll come with you." Abbey reached for her daughter's hand and the two started up the stairs. 

**** 

Emotionally exhausted, Abbey left her daughter's room long after Elizabeth had cried herself to sleep. She opened the door to her own bedroom, saw Jed standing at the big window, knew he was not seeing the darkened snowy hills or iced covered pond – that the images dancing before his eyes were those of their young daughter's life, the same images that had been dancing through her own while she'd lain stretched next to the girl rubbing her back and comforting her until sleep finally came. 

"Jed?" She touched the small of his back. He turned to her and her heart bled. The silvery tracks of his tears were visible in the moonlight, as was the dull bleakness in his eyes. 

"Lizzie asleep?" he asked. 

"Yeah." She slid her arm around his waist. "You okay?" 

"I still feel like I can't catch my breath. Like the wind's been knocked out of me since the moment she told us." 

"I know." 

"Why, Abbey, why? She had a glorious future ahead of her – her whole life. Why did this have to happen to her?" 

"I don't know. But we can't think that way." 

"I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. It's just this...I want so much for her, Abbey," he choked. 

"Sssh." She pulled him into her arms. "I know, I know." 

"I just want all this to go away and even if she decides to have an abortion, it won't be gone away. She'll have to live with that for the rest of her life." 

"How would you feel about that? Her having an abortion." 

"I'm not thinking like a Catholic right now, Abbey. I'm thinking like a father whose daughter was raped and ended up pregnant. I'm thinking like the man I was six years ago." 

Abbey bit her bottom lip fighting to hold her emotions in check. Six years ago they'd been trying to get pregnant during the period in which was raped. When her period was late after the attack, there had been a very real fear that she HAD gotten pregnant, but by her rapist and not Jed. Jed had come to terms with the idea of abortion in that situation. But, she also knew what the decision had cost him emotionally and that he worked tirelessly to show girls/women that there were other options. Thankfully, it had not come to that for her and it was only stress delaying her menses. 

"But I also know Lizzie. Having an abortion would haunt her for the rest of her life and I don't want her to have to live with that. What other options does she have? Adoption?" 

Abbey thought about her cousin Nora. How Nora, stuck away at a home for unwed mother's, had come to love and want her baby and had been forced to give her away anyway. 

"I've carried five children, Jed. Four that I felt moving and alive inside me. However that baby came about, Lizzie is going to bond with it. I'm not sure she could anymore live with the idea of giving her baby away than she could aborting it." 

Jed nodded. "It's our grandchild...Jesus...I didn't think I'd be saying that when I was only thirty-nine years old." 

She gave him a watery smile. "You? I'm only thirty-eight." Thirty-eight and had lost her own child only four years ago. 

He touched her cheek. "As much as I hate the idea of it – of what it's going to cost our little girl – that baby is part of you, a part of me and a part of her. I don't think I can let my grandchild be sent off to be raised by strangers." 

"We could raise it. We're young; we could still be having children of our own. It wouldn't be a stretch. We love children, even planned to have another." 

"It's an idea." 

"We'll have to bring it up with her but I don't know if she'll go for it. It would still be giving her baby up. What she feels for that child inside her now is going to change tremendously as it grows and becomes real to her." 

"I still can't get my mind around it. I still can't believe she's pregnant. If she keeps this baby, it's going to ruin everything. It's going to limit her." 

"It didn't limit me." 

He pulled back, searched her face in the moonlight. Had Abbey really only been four years older than their daughter was now when he'd gotten her pregnant? It was very strange to think in those terms. 

"That was different. You had finished college and you had me. We were in love; we were getting married and we WANTED her." 

"I know, you're right, but she still could have limited me if we had let her. She did change some of my plans but she didn't ruin them." 

"And we can't let this baby ruin Lizzie's." Jed moved quickly from grief to fierceness. "Whatever she decides to do, I want her to finish to school and get her degree. She's going to need it. She can still have a good future; it might be different now, but it doesn't have to be ruined. I won't ALLOW it to be ruined." 

Abbey swallowed past the lump of emotion in her throat. "That's one of the things I love best about you, you know? Your optimism. No matter what, you take life on, take whatever is thrown at you and make the best of it. You really believe we can make anything work." 

"So do you." He ran a thumb under her eye, let the warm tear slide over it. "So I guess it's a good thing Lizzie has the two of us for parents. We'll make this okay for her, Abbey. We have to." 

**** 

Abbey and Jed were not kidding when they promised Elizabeth they would be there for her. Abbey took her to the OB-GYN, held her hand when she was told she was definitely pregnant. The three of them, Elizabeth, Abbey and Jed, met with Father Tom Cavanaugh who sensitively led them in spiritual guidance to help in their decision, after which they met with a family counselor – a psychologist – who filled them in on all the psychological ramifications of each scenario: abortion, adoption, intra-familial adoption and keeping the baby. In the end, the decision was Elizabeth's to make and she decided on an abortion – for about a day. Despite thinking it wasn't the best decision for her daughter and feeling personal pain as both mother to Elizabeth and grandmother to the unborn child, Abbey had insisted upon accompanying her, to hold her hand through the procedure and help her through the emotional ramifications. Instead, seven months later, she was holding her daughter's hand while she gave birth at the tender age of eighteen to the tiny, beautiful, baby girl she had been unable to bring herself to abort. 

The birth of Anabeth Abigail Bartlet was indeed a joyous day. Suddenly, all the fears and misgivings about making the right decision were gone as all the Bartlets, including the infant's two very young and excited aunts, examined the new baby deciding who's nose, mouth, eyes and hair she had. Whoever it was that had forced his sperm into Elizabeth, he was nothing to her. Annie was a Bartlet; she was one of them now, a very much-loved member of the clan. 

And, when Jed Bartlet first held his brand new granddaughter in his arms, he wasn't thinking about ruined futures or the difficulties that lay ahead. He was thinking of all the joy this little bundle was going to bring into their lives. 

Watching him, seeing the soft look of adoration on his face as he cooed to the baby, Elizabeth forgot about all the sad looks she had caught him giving her belly as she grew larger and knew that everything was going to be okay. Her life was going to be far different from what she had planned, but, she was already viewing her daughter as a blessing and no longer a tragedy. What a miracle it was to move from such despair to such overwhelming love. 

_(Present day)_

"Mom, are you going to stand there all night, or are you going to come and join us?" Annie's cocked brow matched Abbey's perfectly, no denying the genetics there. 

Elizabeth's smile widened as her father patted the couch on the other side of him. She plunked down next to him, cuddled up to his right side the way Annie was to his left, sandwiching him between them. Ruin their lives? No way. As promised, her parents had not let that happen. There had been difficult years while she was balancing school and motherhood but they had all pitched in and gotten through it. As her father often said: "because that's what families do". She had seen enough when she was teaching to know that wasn't always the case – that not all families were as loving and supportive as hers and she thanked God every day that He had made her a Bartlet. 


	23. Altered Lives

He woke in the dark, in that moment before dawn when all the world was silent still waiting to reawaken for another day. His body, at least one part of it, was already awake. Now that he was older it didn't happen quite as often as it had in his younger years, but morning erections were not yet a thing of the past. He grinned sleepily at that, pressed his hand into the stiff ache and rolled over to face the person that could assuage that ache. Abbey lay on her side facing him. The gentle caress of moonlight gave him the ability to see long dark lashes laying against porcelain skin, the graceful arch of redwing brow and the spray of pale freckles that scattered across her nose. 

Sleeping peacefully, there was a sweet, quiet, vulnerability to her that only lurked in the background when she was awake and brimming with animated vibrancy and life. 

Last Thanksgiving he hadn't had the opportunity to enjoy watching her sleep. He'd spent the nights he was at the farm alone in the guestroom feeling lonelier and more alienated than he ever had in his life. There had been such hurt and distance between them, such uncertainty. His chest tightened at the reminder of those bleak days and because he could, because he NEEDED to, he reached out to touch her, to brush the hair back off her face. She murmured her disapproval and he smiled tenderly. His Abbey. How adorable she was and how thankful he was that he had her back where she was supposed to be. 

Moving away from the hand that tried to wake her, she twisted and the lacy edge of her nightgown slipped away from her breast revealing the creamy lush globe. Unable to resist, he bent, pressed a kiss to the warm soft flesh. Nibbling along her tender skin, he lowered the gown just another fraction of an inch to reveal a rosy nipple and stroked his tongue over it. Almost immediately it tightened into a taut pebble-hard peak. This time the murmur that came from Abbey was one of pleasure, not disapproval. 

"Now I've got you where I want you, sweetheart." His lips closed over the nipple and he suckled her. She arched in her sleep, offering him more, and he took it. He slid his hand up under the short silky nightgown she'd thrown on in case the kids came to the door in the night. Up his hand moved, over the satiny smooth skin of thigh, the graceful curve of hip and when he reached the vee between her legs, feeling only the moist springy curls, he grinned widely, affectionately, and gave a husky whisper into her ear even though she was still sleeping. 

"That's my girl." 

She might have slipped the gown on, but her panties were still laying somewhere on the floor where he'd thrown them last night when they had picked up on their kitchen necking session. His fingers probed through the curls and he groaned softly to himself when he found her still wet from their activities the night before. Sliding across the slickness, he found the spot guaranteed to rouse her. Lazily, he ran his finger over it and around it enjoying the feel of her, the intimacy of touching her, of watching her wake, green eyes dark and heavy lidded. 

Her voice was husky too, with sleep and with rising arousal. "Who are you and why is your hand between my legs?" 

His nose was a mere inches away from hers. "I'm the angel of pleasure. I've been sent into your dreams to fill all your carnal desires." 

She chuckled softly, still more asleep than awake. "Well, in that case...fill away." Her knee bent and lifted to rest over his hip opening herself to him. A shudder ran through her when he took the tip of his marble hard penis and rubbed it over the place where his fingers had been working their magic. 

"Oohh.... That's nice," she sighed and slid her smooth calf back and forth over the crisp rough hair of his thigh. 

Even as she said it, she wanted more. Just below where he toyed with her, there was a spot that was empty, waiting to be filled. She reached between their bodies and closed her hand around him. He was already rock hard, must have woken up that way. The empty place clenched with the anticipation of insertion. She placed him at her entry and whispered one word. 

"Now." 

It was all he needed. One fluid thrust had him quickly buried within her, filling every inch of her once empty sheath. He gave a hoarse groan of her name as her warm wet walls closed in around him, dizzying him with the sweet sensation. It was all he could do not to begin wildly thrusting. 

They stayed that way for a long while, enjoying the closeness of lying together in such a deeply personal way, forehead to forehead, chest to breast, groin joined to groin, limbs tangled all warm and languid. 

Content in the beginning with laying curled around Jed, impaled by him, the feel of his heart beating against her breasts, Abbey lazily ran her fingertips up and down his spine. He shivered, then emitted what sounded like a purr deep in the back of his throat. A purr that became a low rumble of a moan as his lover's contentment faded with the growing need to mate, her sheath rhythmically milking him, spurring him on for more. He slipped his palms over her rear, gripped the soft flesh and pulled her more firmly against him at the same moment he thrust forward. He felt her soft hiss of pleasure against his neck, the hitch in her breathing telling him he'd hit his mark. 

They rocked together then, in the early quiet before dawn, in the rhythm that was theirs and theirs alone, giving and taking, wanting each other with a need that was more than just desire, more than just the physical ecstasy they got in each other's arms, in each other's bodies. Enveloped in the cocoon of darkness, they strained together, the only sounds in the room their increased heavy breathing and soft panting as they rose and rose and rose yet higher still to finally crest over that great height of pleasure that had each of them tightening and shuddering and finally collapsing heavily against the other 

This was loving at its best, loving now even more than they'd ever loved before, the strength of that love still growing with each day they spent together. They'd come through the worst of times, made it through the fire without being burned too badly, and a year after spending their nights cold, alone, lonely and afraid, the shadows were finally gone and they were wrapped warmly in the safety of each others arms – two mates bound together for life. 

Eyes still closed, Abbey opened them only when Jed withdrew from her and slipped her nightgown back down over her hip. 

"What time is it anyway?" She was lethargic both from the early morning hour and from the lovemaking that had left her feeling boneless and weak. 

"It's still early, not quite dawn." Jed was not lethargic; their lovemaking had filled him with energy and had his heart pumping. "Go back to sleep for a little bit. I have to go down and put the turkey in the oven." 

"Don't have to tell me twice." She rolled over, curled around Jed's pillow. 

Jed dug around on the floor, grabbed his sweats and T-shirt, threw them on commando, and padded barefoot to the door. 

"Jed." 

He turned at the sound of her drowsy voice. 

"Yeah baby?" 

She yawned. "I like the angel of pleasure." 

He grinned. "I'm sure he'll pay you another visit if you ask nicely." 

"Mmmm....I'll have to remember that..." Her voice faded and Jed's grin widened as he realized she was already back asleep. 

**** 

Being unable to sleep was nothing new for Leo. Ever since his bypass surgery, he'd found it difficult to get a full night's rest. In the beginning it was due to discomfort, pain in his leg and chest and even some fear. Fear that if he fell asleep he just might not wake up. Now he assumed it was because he tired more easily during the day and took frequent catnaps. He was not a man who napped, was in fact a man who rarely got more than four or five hours of sleep a night and those naps were wreaking havoc with that schedule. 

Instead of tossing and turning and dwelling as he tended to do in the wee hours of the morning, he took a quick shower and got dressed planning to go down to the family room and read the newspapers. He stepped out of his room quietly so as not to awaken anyone and was surprised to see Nicholas in the glow of the nightlight seated outside his parent's bedroom running a matchbox car over the shining hard wood floor. He wore only a long sleeved cotton pajama top covered in colorful blue, green, yellow and red dinosaurs, his legs bare, and his stuffed Tigger at his side as always. 

"What's up, Nick?" he asked. "Why are you sitting out here?" 

Nicholas gazed up at him balefully. "The door's locked. I'm 'apposed to knock when Mommy and Daddy's door is locked." 

Leo nodded, lips twitching with amusement. It was good that the Bartlet kids learned that rule young. 

"Did you try knocking?" 

Nicholas shook his head negatively, but before he could answer the door swung open and Jed stepped out, a whistle on his lips, a bounce in his step and a flush to his cheek. Oh yeah, Leo thought, there was definitely a reason the door was locked this morning – but 5:30 a.m.? 

"What are you doing out here, buddy?" Jed looked down on his son. 

"Your door was locked." 

Leo grinned knowingly. Seeing that grin, Jed's gaze returned to his son. 

"Did you knock? I didn't hear you knock." 

"Maybe you were too busy..." Leo's brow arched, "sleeping?" 

"I didn't knock, Daddy." Nicholas stood. 

Jed noted the flash of his son's bare bottom. "Where are the rest of your PJs?" 

Big blue eyes blinked up at him and Nicky squirmed. "I had a accident. They were all wet so I took them off." 

"Hey bud," Jed lifted the boy up onto his hip. "It's okay. You know you can tell Mommy or me when you have an accident. We aren't going to be mad. It happens." 

Nicholas shrugged. He knew they wouldn't get mad at him but he also knew that he wasn't supposed to pee in his bed. He turned to Leo. "Mommy says all little kids have accidents cause we still have wittle bla...bla..." He fought for the word his mother used. 

"Bladders," Leo supplied. 

"Yup. Bladders. But I'm a big boy now so I don't have lots of accidents, do I, Daddy?" 

"No, you don't. I think you just had too much hot cocoa before bed last night and you probably didn't wake up to feel that you had to go potty because you were overtired." 

"Yeah...I was obertired." 

"Well, let's go clean you up and strip your bed then you can come down with me to put the turkey in the oven. 

"Anything I can do to help?" Leo asked. 

Jed's brow lifted as he cast a rueful glance at the pristine man who stood before him. Light hadn't yet come up over the horizon but Leo was already fully dressed in pressed gray slacks, a lavender dress shirt that didn't have a wrinkle or crease, spit shined shoes and every gray hair combed into place. Leave it to Leo to be dapper and put together even at the crack of dawn. Sometimes Jed wondered if his friend even had his pajamas ironed. Leo certainly would never be caught dead barefooted in the baggy navy sweatpants and wrinkled gray T-shirt that Jed was sporting. Add the hair still shaggy from sleep – and Abbey's fingers – and a half naked pre-schooler on his hip running a matchbox car up and down his cheek and anyone who looked at them now would be hard pressed to believe that it was Jed and not Leo who was the President of the United States. 

"You try giving this one a bath and your pretty clothes are going to get soaked. Go down and relax, Leo. Read the papers. I'll take care of the little monster." 

Leo gratefully left father and son in the hall. Tending to childhood accidents had never been his forte. 

Jed and Nicholas were just outside the bathroom door when it opened and Annie stumbled out. Having just dealt with some very new and deeply personal matters and knowing that he KNEW that, Annie's face reddened when she saw her grandfather. 

Normal, Jed, he told himself. Be cool. "You're up early this morning." His instinct was to hug her – ask her if she was feeling okay. Years of raising girls made him fight that instinct. 

"It's not morning, " she muttered, "and I'm not really up." 

"Yes, you are," the literal minded Nicholas said. "You're walking." 

"In my sleep," Annie assured him. 

"After I give Nicky here a quick clean up we're going down to get the turkey started. Want to come help?" 

"Gramps," Annie was incredulous. "It's the middle of the night. I'm going back to bed." She shambled off down the hall with eyes still half closed. 

"Okay," Jed shrugged. "Your loss." 

"Yup," Nicholas mimicked his father's shrug. "Your loss." 

**** 

Abbey woke again about an hour after Jed had left their bed. She stretched under the warm covers enjoying the feel of loose-limbed well being she got after sex. She wouldn't have minded another hour snuggled under the down comforter but she had a house full of people on the way and knew she should get up and start her day. Ultimately it was the scent of brewing coffee and something baking that finally lured her out of her warm little nest and down the stairs. 

Yawning, she shuffled into the kitchen still rather bleary eyed. Jed was standing at the sink washing his hands, his hair sticking up in all directions. Smiling seductively, she stepped up behind him, wrapped her arms around his torso and slipped her hands up under his T-shirt to caress his warm belly. 

"Mmmm... Morning, sweet buns." Her voice was throaty, sexy with sleep as she rubbed her cheek against his back. "This morning was great." 

The giggling behind her caused her to pull back to see her son sitting at the round table in the corner of the kitchen picking at a blueberry muffin. 

"What are you laughing about?" she asked. 

"You called Daddy 'sweet buns'." 

"I did, didn't I? Just like I call you 'my little snuggle bug'." She bent to tickle the boy with kisses into his sweet milky neck sending him into paroxysms of laughter. While she was still bent over, she felt Jed's hand slide over her rear in a private caress. She glanced up over her shoulder, saw the mug of coffee he held out to her and stood to take it. Their eyes met over the rims of their mugs and Abbey read the agreement about their morning interlude in his sparkling baby blues. 

"Mommy, may I have some more milk?" 

"Sure." Abbey took the plastic cup Nicholas held out to her. "What are you doing up so early today anyway?" 

Nicholas looked to his father. 

"Nick had a little problem this morning but we guys handled it. After that, he helped me get the turkey in the oven and heat up the muffins for breakfast." 

The look Jed cast her way as he spoke kept Abbey from prying. 

"That's nice, I think I'd like one of those muffins. They smell delicious." 

She opened the refrigerator and pulled out the glass jug that held freshly pasteurized milk from the Bartlet cows. 

Jed winked at his son and was rewarded with a flash of the little boy's dimple. He'd helped the child keep his dignity without making him feel he should be ashamed or keep things a secret from his mother. 

Pouring milk into the cup, Abbey gazed out the window watching as dawn lightened the approaching day. Frost covered the fields and as the sun rose higher and more brightly it created a glittering effect that was so beautiful it took her breath away. 

Jed sidled up to her side to see what she was looking at and was quickly entranced by the same view. 

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she sighed. 

"Mother nature at her best." 

"Oh, babe, look down by the pond." 

Veils of autumn mist rose from the dark glassy water revealing a trio of deer sipping at the shoreline. It wasn't strange to see deer; the woods were full of them. But on this quiet, still, beautiful morning, it seemed almost magical. 

Abbey felt a tug on her robe. 

"What are you looking at?" Nicholas asked. 

"See for yourself." Abbey lifted him and pointed out the family of deer. 

"I woke up all ALONE." Aislinn stood in the kitchen carrying her blankie with a cross look on her face. 

"Well, come here then and you won't be all alone." Jed held his arms out to her and she climbed up into them. Within moments she too was squealing with the delight at seeing the deer. 

"They're pretty, Daddy." 

"Yes, they are." 

"Can we get a deer?" 

"No, we cannot get a deer. Deer are meant to live in the wild." 

"What are you guys all gawking at?" Zoey was NOT a morning person. 

"Good morning to you too, sunshine." 

"Yeah, yeah blah blah blah," Zoey grumbled at her father. 

"Well, you certainly aren't going to win Miss Congeniality today with THAT attitude." 

"Ask me if that concerns me in the least." 

Abbey gave her a look. 

"Coffee," Zoey pleaded. "Just one cup of coffee and all will be right with the world." 

"She's definitely YOUR daughter." Jed bumped Abbey's hip with his own. 

"Well, she gets the morning grumbling from you." 

"Coffee. I need coffee." 

There was silence for a moment right before the room erupted in laughter, leaving Elizabeth confused and scowling as she moved to get a mug off the buffet. 

**** 

"Oh, my goodness, look at you, you look so grown up." Beth O'Neill tugged on one of her tiny granddaughter's white-blond curls. 

"I know," Aislinn agreed. "I'm getting bigger now and I just don't look like myself anymore." 

Beth chuckled, tweaked her under the chin. "Who do you look like then?" 

"Daddy says I look like Alice in Wonderland." 

In a fawn colored corduroy jumper, a navy blue turtleneck that brought out the blue in eyes the color of a summer sea, and gilt hair held back from her fine boned face with a wide navy band, she did indeed resemble the storybook character. 

"Your daddy's right, you sure do." Michael bent to give his granddaughter a quick kiss. 

"Grammy," Nicholas raced into the room with Panda at his heels. "Did you bring me peanut butter cookies?" 

"I sure did." Beth popped the top off a Tupperware container to show the eager young boy. "But I'm glad you called to remind me they're your favorite." 

"Mommy said if I did you might make them for me." 

"Your mommy's a smart lady. She's been pulling that trick on me since she was your age." 

"Can I have one now?" 

Abbey swept into the room just in time. "After dinner." 

"Ahhh...there she is, pretty as an autumn day, with eyes as green as the fairest Irish meadow." 

"Hi, Dad. Got the blarney started a bit early, don't you?" 

Jed watched Abbey greet her father with an affectionate smile and a kiss reckoning that it was not blarney at all. Abbey's vivid coloring – all reds and browns and green and gold – had always brought to mind brilliant New England fall days. Today she wore a pair of wide legged olive green wool trousers cuffed at the bottom, a bronze sweater of the softest cashmere and a pair of butter-soft brown leather ankle boots. Her russet hair was left loose, cascading over her back with streaks of red and brown and gold and the necklace he'd had made for her in New Orleans dripped shining amber amethysts against the creamy skin of her throat. 

"Nicholas Josiah Bartlet, WHAT did I say?" 

Snapped out of his perusal by the sharpness of Abbey's tone, Jed's attention was diverted to where his wife was now whisking their son off the drawers he had pulled out and where he was waving rather precariously in the attempt to climb up to the counter and to get to his grandmother's cookies. 

"I want a cookie, Mama," he whined. 

"And I told you after dinner. Now, come on, out of the kitchen, go play with Gus and Aislinn." 

"I wanna play a game and they don't wanna play. Will you play a game with me?" 

"Honey, I can't right now. I have to work on dinner." 

"I LOVE playing games," Michael said. "Why don't you show me what you have and we'll play." 

"Okay." Nicky's eyes brightened and he led his grandfather out of the room. 

Over the next hour, the rest of the family began arriving bearing contributions for the afternoon meal. Jon and Sally, Jane and Vivian, Ellie and Sam and finally Doug. Abbey was like a little general ordering food to the refrigerator, pantry, or oven, and crockpots toward available outlets, yet she was still able to play gracious hostess. Multi-tasking was one of her specialties. 

"Aaah...the sweet potato casseroles are here." She took the dishes from Emily and Alma, the last of the guests to arrive. 

"Can't forget them," Alma said. "Otherwise the President might not eat any vegetables today." 

Abbey laughed. This woman who had been the Bartlets' housekeeper had helped raise Jed and knew his eating habits very well. 

"You're probably right. And the kids would be disappointed without it too." The sweet dish, loaded with butter and brown sugar and topped with melted marshmallow was a perennially favorite. "Jed's in the living room playing bartender if you'd like a cocktail before dinner." 

She sipped at her own cocktail, the vodka martini Jed had made her earlier, and took a break to lead the two elderly women into the living room. 

Once there, Emily paused, her eyes riveted to the coffee table where her young grandson was kneeling playing a game of "Memory" with Michael O' Neill. With his face screwed up in fierce concentration, bluer than blue eyes framed by long tawny lashes staring down at the cards as if he could read through them and a lock of unruly fair hair brushing his forehead, he looked so much like Jed it took her back fifty years in an instant. 

"Emily?" 

She turned into the concerned look on her daughter-in-law's face. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Oh, yes, sorry, I'm fine. I just can't get over at times how much Nicholas looks like Jed at that age. The girls all had certain features, eyes or mannerism or tilt to the jaw, but it's different in a boy." 

A glance down on her son had Abbey seeing her husband as a young innocent little boy. A familiar pang twisted in heart creating a bone deep ache that often ate away at her when she thought of Jed's childhood. That ache faded as quickly as it started when she realized from the soft, tender look on Emily's usually stern face that being reminded of Jed as a young boy was at this time a sweet memory for her. 

"Mommy, I wanna be an Indian for lunch just like Pocahontas." Aislinn skipped into the room wearing a crayon colored paper headdress she had made in pre-school. 

"Native American," Abbey corrected. 

"I'm gonna wear my hat too." Nicholas rose, ready to go find his headdress. 

"I don't have a hat and I wanna be a Native 'merican too," Gus' bottom lip began the telltale jutting that usually preceded tears. Elizabeth quickly stepped in. 

"We can make a headdress. We just need some construction paper and crayons. I'll get some scissors." 

Aislinn bounced with excitement. "We have LOTS of 'struction paper. Come on, Gus. You can be a pilgrim. We need pilgrims." The three children scampered off toward the stairs that led up to the nursery. 

"Nuh uh," Gus stopped in protest. "I'm being a Ind...Native American too." 

Annie met the squabbling trio at the foot of the stairs. 

"Why don't you ALL be Native Americans," she suggested. 

"Will you be a pilgrim?" Aislinn asked. "We don't have any pilgrims." 

"Do I have to wear a hat?" Annie grimaced. 

Nicholas regarded her seriously. "We don't have any pilgrim hats." 

"Well, then, I'm your girl. I'd be happy to be a pilgrim." 

"Annie," Aislinn stepped in front of the older girl to stop her forward motion. "Will you braid my hair so I can look like Pocahontas?" 

"Pocahontas had BLACK hair," Nicholas informed her. "Your hair is YELLOW." 

"So what," Aislinn stomped. "I can STILL be Pocahontas. Can't I, Annie?" 

"Sure you can. We'll just pretend your hair is black." 

Aislinn stuck her tongue out at her brother. 

"Aislinn," Abbey's voice was stern but she was fighting to keep her smile hidden. 

Aislinn's head snapped around. She hadn't realized her mother was watching her. 

"Sowwy, Mommy." The contrite apology might have been believable had it not been accompanied by a big grin up and a "Come on, Annie." 

Abbey placed an arm around Elizabeth's waist as the two mothers watched Annie being pulled along by her tiny aunt. "Aislinn worships her you know." 

"I'm kind of partial to her myself." 

"MOOOM!" Gus bellowed from the upstairs hall. "Are you coming with the scissors!" 

"Yes, dear," Elizabeth sighed with a quick roll of her eyes. "I'm on my way." 

**** 

"So, tell me what you think about the new cervical cancer vaccine." 

"Huh?" Dinner was over and Ellie was standing at a sink full of dishes while Elizabeth scraped food remnants off plates and into the trash. 

"I got a letter from Annie's pediatrician and she's recommending that I have her vaccinated. I figured I'd wait until I got the chance to hear about it from the horse's mouth so to speak." 

"I'm not exactly the horse." Ellie ran a sponge over a plate then handed it to Zoey who placed it in the dishwasher. "I just helped with the research." 

"Yeah, and you guys are the ones that found the link between HPV and certain types of cervical cancer. Now there is a vaccine, but it's still so new and she's so young."' 

Ellie wiped her hands on a dishrag, turned her full attention to her elder sister pleased for once to be the one offering advice. 

"It's important to vaccinate when girls are young so we can activate their immune systems before they're likely to encounter HPV, which, since it's an STD means when they become sexually active. But, even if you were sure there was no way your child would be sexually active before their late teens, vaccinating the pre-teen age group also allows for the highest antibody levels – higher than if girls are vaccinated after age fifteen." 

"How does that help?" 

"Antibodies are proteins your immune system produces in response to a vaccine or infection and stores for when you next come into contact with that virus or other infectious agent. It makes the vaccine stronger. It helps prevent cancer, Liz – a cancer that could kill or take away Annie's ability to have children." 

"You're right, I know. I'd already planned on okaying it. I just wanted to get your input first since it's so new and since you're so up on it all." 

While she covered left over food to put away in the refrigerator, Abbey quietly observed her daughters with pleasure. It was nice to listen to them talking together as adults, as friends, as trusted advisers. People often asked her why she had not waited longer, until she was out of medical school and established in her career, to add Ellie and Zoey to the family. The main reason, other than wanting a larger family, was so that Elizabeth would not be an only child. So her children would have siblings to play, argue and learn to share things with. That purpose had been achieved. Her daughters had played together, taken care of each other and comforted each other. They had also teased each other, argued with each other and hurt each other – but only THEY were allowed that luxury. A Bartlet defended their own and the Bartlet girls were as loyal as they came and woe to the person who dared hurt or speak negatively about one of their own. 

"So, Ells, are you going to tell us about your visit to California or what?" 

"Thank you, Zoey," Abbey carried a glass bowl filled with left over mashed potatoes to the fridge. "I've been dying to hear but didn't want to play meddlesome mother since you haven't seemed to want to talk about it." 

"I'm okay with being meddlesome sister." 

Ellie poured herself a cup of coffee. "I don't have a problem telling you about my trip. I guess I'm just a little ambivalent about it. I liked Sam's mother Rosie a lot. She's a great woman, very warm and nurturing and just a little bit 'out there'. You know one of those holdover flower children from the 60's. His dad was nice enough, but he was the total opposite of Rosie – complete buttoned up corporate type. Sam said that when Norm was younger he was just as full of flower power as Rose but always said that HE outgrew it." 

"I met them a couple times," Abbey said. "Once when we were campaigning in San Diego and then at the Inauguration. They seemed like nice people." 

"They were. But, it wasn't an easy visit. At least not for Sam, and a lot of times I felt kind of in the middle." 

"Does Sam have issues with his parents?" Zoey inhaled the fragrant aroma of her own mug of coffee and sat next to her sister at the kitchen table. 

"You could say that," Ellie's lips curled wryly. "Just a few years ago, during Dad's first year in office, Sam found out that his father had been keeping a mistress for over twenty years. She was another lawyer in his firm. When his mother finally found out, she threw Norm out and they separated for almost a year. Sam expected them to divorce and he was shocked when they got back together." 

"He wasn't happy about that?" Elizabeth's interest was definitely piqued. "Most kids want their parents to get back together." 

"Sam isn't a kid anymore. He has a lot of residual anger toward his father and I think he resents that his mother took him back." 

Elizabeth felt herself growing defensive, couldn't stop it from happening. "How does he have a right to resent it? SHE'S the one that got cheated on. It really isn't his business at all." 

"It's not as easy as that," Ellie sipped her coffee calmy. "This was not a one night stand. Norman didn't just cheat on Rose. The time that he spent with Caroline cheated Sam and his sister Rain – which, by the way, is short for Rainbow – out of time with him. Over the years Norm missed family dinners and outings; he missed ballgames and school functions all under the guise of work. Sam had no reason not to believe him when he said that it was his job that kept him away. And then he found out that was all a lie. I mean how do you think it felt for him to find out that time that should have been spent with him and his mother and sister was being spent in another woman's bed? That when he was rushed to surgery for appendicitis, his father was not busy with his nose to the grindstone at a conference but instead sunning himself on Hilton Head beach with Caroline. He felt betrayed, still feels betrayed and I can't blame him for that." 

Having struggled with her own husband's issues with his difficult childhood, Abbey knew exactly where Ellie was coming from. "Of course you can't. It hurts terribly to know the kind of pain a person you love has suffered." 

"He IS suffering. He loves his parents but he's lost all his respect for his father and he simply can't understand his mother. I'm not sure that I can understand her either. Rosie is an intelligent, attractive woman. I don't understand how or why she stays with a man who chose to be with another woman rather than his family? Who spent over TWENTY years making love to another woman? How does she live with that kind of betrayal? With that lack of respect?" 

Elizabeth slammed her hands down on the table and rose to her feet. "Just when the hell did YOU of all people get so damned judgmental!" 

"What?" Ellie's brow furrowed not understanding where her sister's anger was coming from. 

"You know, El, it's easy to play holier than thou when you aren't the one towing the line. Why don't you try being married first BEFORE you condemn others." 

Elizabeth stormed through the door that led out to the back porch leaving her mother and sisters stunned at her outburst. 

"What did I say?" Sensitive soul that she was, Ellie's eyes were already filling with tears. "I better go talk to her." 

Abbey laid a hand on her shoulder, spoke to her gently. "You stay here. Help Zoey finish up so you can go out and play football with your dad. I'll talk to your sister." 

"Tell her I didn't mean to upset her." 

"I think she knows that, hon." Abbey gave her shoulder one last squeeze, grabbed a fleece throw off the back of the couch and stepped out onto the porch where Elizabeth was hunched over on the stairs, arms wrapped around her legs, chin resting on her knees. 

"Lizzie" 

Elizabeth stiffened at her mother's voice. She didn't even look at her when Abbey wrapped the throw around her shoulders then sat down beside her. 

"I think we need to talk." 

Elizabeth closed her eyes, inhaled deeply. She'd tried so hard to deal with her burden on her own, to keep her pain and shame to herself. Now as she turned to look at her mother, saw the concern clouding her normally bright green eyes, she felt the need to share that burden. She needed her mother. 


	24. Altered Lives

Elizabeth's eyes were focused on the big field behind the farmhouse, beyond her mother's perennial beds that spread out from the wide porch that lined the back of the house, and to the right of the remnants of the big vegetable garden she'd often grumbled about weeding as a teenager. Her father, husband, Sam, Annie, Gus, and Nicholas were setting up for the big annual Thanksgiving touch football game. Her father, with his competitive streak a mile wide, took the game very seriously and there would be marked areas for out of bounds and definite goal posts to indicate a touchdown. The game wasn't so serious, however, that fun wasn't had by all. Every year the family looked forward to playing no matter what the weather. A few times they'd even had to bundle up and play in the snow. 

Today, Elizabeth watched the set up with a heavy heart. Even seeing Panda barking and running in circles as she tried desperately to herd the wayward children did not bring a smile to her lips as it normally did. Her life was a mess and she'd just exploded and let her whole family know it. 

One mistake, one mistake while still a teenager had negated a lifetime of better judgement. One mistake followed by another and another until she was brought here to this point without really knowing how it had all happened. From the moment of her little girl's birth, her only thought had been to do what was best for Annie. Her entire focus had shifted from her own life, her own wants and needs and dreams to making the best life possible for her daughter. Marrying Doug had been a big part of that; staying with him was even bigger part. 

"Lizzie?" Abbey's hand rubbed gently over her daughter's back. Elizabeth's eyes welled with tears at the touch. 

"Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you hadn't gotten pregnant with me?" 

The hand on Elizabeth's back stilled. Abbey hadn't figured on the conversation taking that turn. 

"I imagine it wouldn't have been all that different other than you coming a little later in my life. When I think of getting pregnant with you it's usually when I'm counting my blessings. Why do you ask?" 

"I don't know. Sometimes I think about how different my life would have been if I hadn't gone to that party at Dartmouth. Babies change everything." She sighed, rubbed her fingers into her temples. 

"But, then, if I hadn't gone to that party, I wouldn't have Annie and I can't imagine my life without her." 

"Of course you can't. Yes, she changed everything for you but that doesn't mean you don't love her with all your heart." 

"God, I do. You know there were many reasons I chose not to have an abortion but the main one was because I thought about you getting pregnant with me before you married Dad." 

Abbey's eyes widened in surprise. "You thought about me?" 

"Yes. I thought about what would have happened if you'd chosen to have an abortion instead of having me. I wouldn't exist." 

"The thought never even crossed my mind. I was carrying the child of the man I loved and was about to marry. It was a completely different scenario than what you went through. I'm not going to say I wasn't scared, because I was; but there was also joy and a whole lot of love and excitement. You were wanted Elizabeth, desperately wanted by both your father and me. Now, you want to tell me what this is really all about?" 

"Not particularly, but I guess I should." Elizabeth turned to her mother, looked her in the eye for the first time since Abbey had come out onto the porch. "Doug had an affair." 

Abbey felt the kick to her mid-section. She'd thought as much when Elizabeth had fled the room but hearing her say it still took her breath away. She fought to keep her tone even, measured, controlled. 

"Are you sure? You know how politics can be. People talk – spread rumors that aren't true." 

"Oh, it's true all right," she snorted bitterly. " I didn't have the luxury of being told about it. I walked right in on it." 

"Oh, Lizzie." Abbey groaned in distress and wrapped her arm more tightly about the girl's back, pulled her closer. 

Tears spilled unchecked and unnoticed down Elizabeth's cheeks. "The whole time I was in Maine vacationing with the kids, he kept promising to come out – promising we'd spend some time together and he never came. Well, there was a reason for that. He was back home screwing the kids' nanny." 

Abbey's face went slack, eyes widening with shock. Despite being a modern woman – privy to all the frailties and perversions of humanity – infidelity, when it touched her directly, could still shock her. 

"The nanny?" 

Elizabeth nodded miserably and recounted the whole sordid tale from shopping for a romantic dinner hoping to reconnect with her increasingly distant husband to coming home to find him naked in bed having sex with the woman she had entrusted with the care of her children. 

"I still see it, Mom. I HATE being in that house, being in that BEDROOM, in that BED. Every time I close my eyes, every time Doug touches me, it's there. I see him in bed with her. I see what they were doing; I hear what they were saying. Do you have any idea what that's like?" 

With one quick stab, Abbey had a momentary vision of Jed, back muscles rippling and another woman lying beneath him moaning his name while he made love to her in their bed. It was enough to bring on a wave of nausea; and that was only with an image. What must it be like for her daughter facing that reality? 

"It has to be horrific, Lizzie. I can only imagine." 

"Be thankful for that. Be thankful Daddy loves you so much there isn't ROOM for anyone else." 

Abbey was treading on what she knew to be dangerous territory. "Was Doug in love with her?" 

"He says he wasn't. Says she made him feel smart and important and the sexual part of things rose from that." 

"God, he's such a weak man," the words dripped with disdain. "For what it's worth, I've never seen you treat Doug with anything other than respect and dignity." A fact that was, in Abbey's opinion, amazing, because there were so many times that he didn't deserve it. 

"Oh, it's not the way I TREAT him, Mom. It's the way I am. I make him feel inferior just by EXISTING." 

Abbey thought as much and it infuriated her. "Doug is not the kind of man that can be married to a strong, intelligent woman. You threaten him and that's ridiculous." 

"I've tried, Mom. I've tried to be a good wife for him." 

"It's a two way street, you know. Has he tried to be a good husband for you? Being a good wife should not mean giving up who you are and a good husband would understand that. He would want as much for you as you want for him. When it comes to marriage, the partners should be equals – both helping each other toward mutual goals and dreams." 

"I know that. I watched you and Dad over the years supporting each other's dreams and working together. But, I don't know...It's just..." 

"Please don't tell me you feel like you owe him." 

"Maybe I do. He married me – took on my little girl as his own. I didn't love him, Mom. Not in the passionate way that most people feel when they get married. I loved him because he loved me and he loved Annie. I ignored all the things I didn't like about him and I ignored everything you and Dad said about us getting married. I had this image of family. A family like I had growing up. I wanted Annie to have that and more." 

Abbey tucked a long strand of Elizabeth's copper hair behind her ear. "It's natural to want that, sweetheart. Every mother wants a perfect safe little nest for her children. But you don't owe Doug anything. That's not how marriage works or should work. You can't lose yourself. If you do, you'll be miserable and that won't help your husband or your children." 

"I know that. I didn't set out to let that happen." 

"Lizzie, you found out about this affair four months ago. Why are you only telling me now?" 

Elizabeth couldn't ignore the hurt in her mother's voice, in her mother's eyes. 

Unable to face her, she looked down at her own feet. 

"I was ashamed and embarrassed. I felt like such a failure as both a woman and a wife. I just couldn't tell you." She swiped at the tears that ran down her cheeks. 

"Elizabeth, you are NOT responsible for the fact that your husband couldn't keep his dick in his pants. This is HIS failure, NOT yours. God, I'd like to castrate him for making you feel this way! You are a beautiful, desirable, kind, intelligent, loving, young woman and you deserve so much better." 

Elizabeth began to cry in earnest at that affirmation, allowing herself, for the first time since she'd walked into that bedroom four months ago, to be comforted. Abbey gathered her into her arms, rocked her as she had when she was a child. Tears formed in her own eyes at her daughter's pain. 

When Elizabeth's quiet sobs abated and she pulled back to regain some control, Abbey cradled her lovely face in her hands, stared deeply into the indigo blue eyes that were her father's, and didn't like what she saw. 

"You're not leaving him, are you?" 

There was a long moment of silence. Elizabeth was not sure how her mother was going to feel about her decision. "How can I, Mom? I made a promise. I vowed to stay at his side for better or for worse." 

"Yes, well, he also pledged his fidelity to you and made a vow to honor you and be true to you. He broke those vows. There is nothing in the world that goes quite to the heart of marriage than one partner sharing sexual intimacy with someone else. Man or woman – that is a very, very deep wound." 

"I know that. Believe me I KNOW. Don't you think I haven't struggled with this. But, all my life you and Dad have talked about the sanctity of marriage, about working through your problems instead of giving up. When you were counseling mentors for the church, I used to hear you both complaining about couples who gave in too easily and how they took the easy way out opting for a quickie divorce instead of making a real commitment to making a life together." 

Oh, Jed, Abbey internally sighed. She was looking at this child the two of them had produced and hearing and seeing her earnest husband in all that she said. 

"It will take an enormous amount of love, understanding, and commitment to overcome something like adultery." Especially the kind of adultery her son-in-law had committed – in his marriage bed with the children's nanny. It steamed Abbey every time she let her thoughts wander to the specifics of it all. 

It was easy to read what her mother left unsaid. Abbey didn't think that she and Doug had a strong enough foundation to survive this. Truth be told, Liz wasn't sure they did either. 

"I know it will." 

Her eyes fell on Gus giggling away as Doug carried him under the arm as he would a football. That precious little neglected boy she had taken into her home and her heart promising to give him a stable and loving family. He deserved the effort. 

"Part of my stipulation in taking him back was that we go into marriage counseling." 

"Is it helping?" 

Elizabeth shrugged. "He's putting the time in but I'm not sure he's really paying attention or doing it for anything else other than trying to get back into my good graces. As for me." She swallowed through a throat quickly closing. "I don't know if I can move past this. I can't...I can't let him touch me. How can I live with a husband whose touch revolts me." 

It was not a question and Abbey wisely kept her own counsel. 

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again. You raised me to believe that marriage was a loving partnership. Dad raised me to believe that men are supposed to adore and respect and desire their wives. That's the kind of marriage I saw growing up. That was the kind of marriage I expected to have. But, I didn't get that marriage. I didn't get a man who thinks the sun rises and sets in my eyes. I didn't get a man with an unshakable sense of right and wrong. You have no idea what it's like to wonder if every woman who smiles at your husband has slept with him or to walk into a party filled with your friends and wonder who knows your husband has been messing around behind your back, who's feeling sorry for you or thinking what a fool you are or even who's laughing at you." 

No, Abbey didn't know what that was like. Had never, thank God, had to live through that kind of gut wrenching betrayal and worry. But she did understand pain and uncertainty when she heard it. Doug had really done a number on her girl, had completely ripped the rug right out from under her feet and taken away her self-esteem. The girl she had raised so confident and sure of herself was now, as a woman, only a shadow of her former self. 

"Lizzie, if they were your true friends and they knew Doug was playing you, they would have told you. And if they were laughing about it, I'd say they weren't the kind of people you should care about anyway." 

"I know you're right and I know a lot of what I'm feeling is paranoia. At least that's what they call it in therapy, but I can't seem to help it." 

"Honey, all marriages have lines that can't be crossed and those lines are different for each couple, so I'm not trying to tell you what to do here. I want you to know that I'm going to love you and support you whatever your decision is. But, sweetheart, you ARE going to have to get past that paranoia if you plan to make your marriage work. You can't live with a man you can't trust and you can't love a man whose touch sickens you. At some point, if you can't work past all that, you're going to have to walk away. And if you have to walk away, nobody is going to condemn you. Sometimes divorce is not the easy way, it's the only way." 

"It's always there in the back of my mind, Mom. I just feel like I have to give it a chance. 'Can't' never did anything, right?" She attempted a smile, failed miserably. 

Using one of her father's favorite sayings brought Jed to mind. Elizabeth's eyes searched him out, found him setting the neon orange pylons the Secret Service used to make an end zone wearing an authentic "Fighting Irish" football jersey with the name "Bartlet" on the back. 

"Mom, please don't tell Dad about this. You know how he feels about Doug. That's another reason I didn't want to tell you guys. I know he'll want to throw Doug out on his ear and that's a best case scenario." 

"Don't ask me to do that, Liz. It isn't fair. Don't ask me to choose between my loyalty to my husband and my loyalty to you." 

"Mom, you know Dad. He'll totally freak out. I don't want my children to see the grandfather they worship slugging the father they love in the face." 

Admittedly, a scene like that was entirely plausible when it came to the passionate need Jed had to protect his children and his disgust with adultery in any way shape or form. 

"I'll tell him later. When you've all left for the night. Lizzie, please understand. This isn't me ratting you out, or running to your father with your deepest secrets. You know you can trust me as a confidante. But, this is different." 

Pleading eyes begged Elizabeth to make that distinction. 

"This is something that could potentially harm him politically and personally. If this nanny ever goes public, it would be devastating for him to know that we all knew about everything and that he'd been left out in the cold. It would hurt him terribly and I don't think you want that." 

"No, of course I don't." 

Loyalty and trust – her parents had an abundance of both. "I guess if you think it's best you can tell him after we leave." 

"Thank you," Abbey pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You can trust me to keep him under control." 

Elizabeth sighed, rubbed her palms over her thighs. "I guess I better go apologize to Ellie for biting her head off." 

"I think that's a very good idea." 

"Thanks, Mom, for everything." She got to her feet, looked down at her pretty mother. "Is there ever a time that you get old enough not to need your mom anymore?" 

Abbey smiled; a smile that grew wider as her own mother lead a newly changed Aislinn out onto the porch. Not long ago the roles had been reversed and she had been the daughter in need of marital advice. The daughter who had spent the night in her mother's arms recovering from a panic attack after a particularly horrific nightmare. 

"Thankfully, no." She squeezed her eldest daughter's hand then lifted her youngest onto her lap. Aislinn, now out of her dress and into a pair of Osh Kosh overalls and bright pink canvas sneakers, so she could partake in the football game, laid her head sadly against Abbey's breasts with a dramatic sigh. Abbey gave a gentle tug on one blond braid. 

"What's the matter, buttercup?" 

Aislinn's arms crossed over her chest. "Daddy forgot me." 

"Your daddy didn't forget you." 

"Yes, he did." She kicked at the porch rail with her tiny foot. 

"I can assure you, he didn't." 

Jed set the last pylon, noticed his little one curled on Abbey's lap on the porch and saw Abbey's fingers motioning him forth. 

"What's going on here?" his big voice boomed across the lawn. "Where's my star running back?" 

Aislinn's pout turned into a bright smile and she spun around hopping off her mother's lap. 

"I'm right here, Daddy!" She lifted her arms to him and he hefted her up onto his hip to carry her off toward the game. 

Laughing, Abbey called out after her "Told ya so." 

Aislinn waved back over her father's shoulder in response, still grinning gleefully. 

"You playing?" Beth's voice came from directly behind Abbey. 

"Yeah, I just need–." She trailed off when Beth pulled a pair of sneakers out from behind her back. 

"These?" 

Abbey accepted the sneakers then bent to change out of her heeled ankle boots. "What would I do without my mom?" 

"A mother's work is never done." Beth's sigh was as overly dramatic as her granddaughter's had been a few moments before. 

"Mommy, come ON," Nicholas waved at her to come his way. "You're on MY team!" 

Abbey winked at her mother and jogged down the steps toward the field calling out over her shoulder. "You got that right." 

"Where are the girls?" Jed asked with a touch of irritation. 

"They'll be out soon." At least she hoped they would be. 

"Good. You gonna be my center?" 

"No, I am not." 

"Why?" 

"Because last time I was your center, you took the opportunity to cop a few feels." 

Jed grinned at the memory. "What's the point of having you for my center if not for a little titillation. Centers are supposed to be huge to protect me, the quarterback, from getting smashed. You're five feet nothing and weigh next to nothing. And," he voice grew lower, "as I recall from this morning, you enjoy being felt up." 

A quick glance assured Abbey they were not being overheard. "In the privacy of my bed," she muttered. "Not in the middle of damn football game." 

Jed threw back his head in laughter. 

The game was just preparing to begin when Abbey saw Elizabeth, Ellie and Zoey making their way down the incline from the porch, arms wrapped around each other's waists, heads inclined as they chatted and laughed. Two small slender young women with long straight gleaming auburn hair on each side of the taller more willowy blonde. Her girls were beautiful, no escaping that and she was warmed by the fact that they'd quickly made peace. 

"Hey come on, Foxy Mama. I need my wide receiver. Line up." 

Abbey smirked and sashayed to her position but the approaching trio diverted Jed's attention. "Girls! Stop lollygaging and line up." 

"Yeah, stop gagging and line up," Nicholas crossed his arms over his chest as his father had. 

"Just when did you become so bossy?" Ellie shot back at her little brother while Zoey and Elizabeth pretended to gag. 

"I'm the 'sistant coach so you gotta listen to me. Doesn't she, Daddy?" 

"Yup. Get a move on, ladies. I have a game to win." 

"You're assuming a lot there." Sam called over from where the opposing team was huddling up. 

"A lot there what?" 

Sam grinned, some things never changed. "A lot there, SIR." 

"Damn straight." 

"Okay, where's the ball?" 

"I got it, sweet buns." 

Everybody stopped what they were doing and stared at Nicholas. The little boy held the football against his chest looking round not sure what he had said to silence the raucous group. 

"Nicholas! You don't call Daddy 'sweet buns'." 

"Why not?" Nicky turned to his mother. "That's what you called him. You said it was a...a...nickname." 

Snickering giggles moved to all out laughter. 

Abbey knelt before her son. "It is a nickname – a nickname between mommies and daddies." 

"Is it a bad word?" Nicky didn't want to get in trouble. He wanted to play football. 

"Not at all," Abbey ruffled his hair. "It's just that mommies and daddies have special nicknames for each other that other people don't use. Just like your teacher doesn't call you 'snuggle bug', but I do." 

The light went off in Nicky's head as he suddenly got the gist of things. "And Daddy calls you 'foxy mama'?" 

Abbey's face reddened as the snickering started again. "Yes, that's one of them too. You're our little boy so you call us Mommy and Daddy or Mom and Dad and leave the nicknames to us. Okay?" 

"Okay, can we play now?" 

"You bet." Jed turned to the sidelines. "Let's go, Dad." 

"I'm coming." Michael grabbed the whistle Jed had provided him with and joined them on the field. He would be the referee. 

"This ought to be quite a game." Leo set a pitcher of apple cider on the small table that had been placed on the sidelines where he would be watching the gridiron match with the grandmothers. "Sweet buns vs. Foxy Mama." 

"We're on the same team this year," Jed grumbled. "There's no versus about it." 

"I thought you always made sure you were on opposite teams so you could get a few tackles on her in spite of the fact that you refer to this game as TOUCH football." 

Jed shrugged. "I got another idea and thought I'd make her my center but that was a no-go." 

Leo's eyes rolled; the man really couldn't get enough of his wife. "Leave it to you. Sweet buns Bartlet," he shook his head chuckling as he made his way to the sidelines. "Sounds like a buddy of Tony Soprano's." 

"Keep laughing, Leo, and I'll recruit you." 

"Not this year. I'm on the disabled list." 

And that was something for which he was entirely grateful. Had he been completely recovered, there would have been no sitting out of the rough and tumble game. When you attended a Bartlet family gathering, you BECAME a Bartlet; they sucked you in, which in most cases was wonderful. Unless it was out of doors, of course. Leo didn't enjoy organized sports, didn't enjoy hiking, or fishing on the pond, or the time Abbey made him ride a horse, and he sure as hell didn't enjoy the lessons Jed gave him in milking a cow. Nope, this city boy was going to plunk his rear in chair on the sidelines and thank God he didn't have to be out on that field being pushed and shoved around or made to argue over first down markers and whether or not he had been "touched". 

The fact that two three and a half-year-olds did not share his fear didn't dissuade Leo in the least. They were Bartlets after all and competitive gaming flowed in their blood from birth. Even Ellie, the quiet one, became a different person on the playing fields, sharing in the family's competitive spirit, or, as Leo liked to refer to it, insanity. 

**** 

"Is there anyone here?" Nora stepped into the empty foyer surprised to find the Bartlet farmhouse quiet. If there was anything she'd learned from the time she lived with Jed and Abbey Bartlet, things were rarely quiet when their family got together. 

"Maybe they're in they're still in the dining room," Maggie suggested. 

The rooms smelled divine – of pumpkin spice candles and the hint of woodsmoke from the applewood logs that burned in the fireplace. 

They walked through the halls poking heads into rooms and found the dining room just as empty as the rest of the house. The meal had been cleared and a pumpkin and autumn leaf centerpiece sat in the middle of long beautifully carved cherrywood table. That was okay, they weren't here to eat. They'd had their Thanksgiving the day before and were simply here for a visit. 

Shrieks of laughter drew their attention to the window and that's where they found the whole clan chasing each other around in the field behind the house. 

"Are these the bleacher seats?" 

Beth, Emily, Alma and Leo were seated in Adirondack chairs, a pitcher of hot cider on the round table in front of them. It was a perfect day for a football game – sunny, cool, and crisp, more October than November – but the three elderly women had warm Hudson Bay wool blankets thrown over their laps to stay warm. 

"Mommy, look that lady has a baby!" Aislinn tugged at Abbey's leg pointing to the sidelines. 

"Nora!" An excited smile brightened Abbey's face and she jogged over to give her cousin a huge welcoming hug and kiss. "I'm so glad you accepted the invitation for a visit. I've missed you." 

As always, Abbey was filled with life and energy. It was something Nora had always admired about her. 

"I've missed you too." 

Abbey pulled back from the embrace to look at the other woman. Nora looked good, the wariness and hesitance gone from her face and the natural curl back in her pale auburn hair after years of being hacked close to her head. There was a softness to her now, an air of femininity that hadn't been there last spring. Abbey knew from their weekly chats on the phone and shared emails that Nora still struggled with being a woman in the outside world after decades of being an asexual cloistered nun, but progress was definitely being made. 

Something tugged at her hair and Abbey turned to find it in the chubby fist of a baby. 

"Well, look who we have here," she smiled with delight, chucking the drooling baby under the chin. "This can't be Miss Abigail?" 

"Growing in leaps and bounds, isn't she?" Maggie asked proudly. 

"Last time I saw her she was still a newborn. May I?" She held her arms out. 

"Of course." Maggie transferred baby Abigail into Godmother Abigail's arms. 

The doctor in Abbey was as pleased at the happy, pink, good health of the child as the mother in her was. "She's such a pretty baby," she cooed, "such a pretty, pretty baby. She must be crawling by now. Are you crawling now, pretty girl?" 

"Only all over the house," Matt said. "Child proofing was a HUGE project." 

"It always is, isn't it, Miss Abigail," she kissed the top of the baby's head inhaling that uniquely baby smell. 

"You'll be lucky to get her back anytime today," Jed told Maggie. "My wife loves babies." 

"That's fine. I could use a little break." 

"I'm a little partial to babies myself. Mind if I take a turn?" 

Expertly, Jed took the baby from Abbey, holding her to his chest protectively. 

"Abbey." Beth tapped her daughter's leg. 

"What?" 

"I think somebody's nose is a little out of joint." 

Abbey looked to where her mother pointed, saw Aislinn seated cross-legged on the grass, her back decidedly turned to her parents. 

"Ash?" Abbey laid a hand on her daughter's head. Aislinn shook it off. Abbey ignored the brush off and sat cross-legged next to her. 

"Aislinn, is something wrong?" 

Aislinn turned her head away from her. 

"You know you can tell me if something is bothering you." 

Never one to bottle things up inside for long, Aislinn turned to her mother, big blue-green eyes swimming in tears and flashing with accusation. "I'm 'apposed to be your baby." 

Tenderness softened Abbey's face. "Oh, honey, you ARE my baby. Come here." She pulled Aislinn onto her lap tucked her little head under her chin. "You are my special, special baby girl." 

"Does Daddy like that baby better than me?" 

"No, of course not. Your daddy loves you with all his heart. You are HIS baby girl and you always will be. But that doesn't me that we can't enjoy visiting with other people's baby girls and boys, right?" 

Aislinn gave a little shrug, she wasn't sure about that. Abbey changed her tactics. 

"Remember when you stayed with Uncle Jon and Aunt Sally? You had a really fun time, didn't you." 

"Uh, huh, Uncle Jon took us fishing and Aunt Sally read us stories." 

"And it's wonderful that you had such a good time. But, that doesn't mean you loved them more than me or Daddy, right?" 

Aislinn looked horrified and shook her head negatively before burying her face into Abbey's chest. "I love you BEST!" she said firmly. "You're my special, special mommy." 

Oh Lord. Abbey's throat closed while her heart swelled with love. Children certainly had a way of finding that deep place inside your heart when you were least expecting it. That place that could steal your breath, warm you all over and make you a blubbering, emotional wreck. 

Swallowing past the lump, Abbey removed Aislinn's hair tie and worked at tightening her braid. "Well, it's the same way with me and Daddy. We can visit and have fun with other children, but you, my darling girl, are the child of our hearts." 

"Me AND Nicky." 

Abbey's eyes swept the field, found her son practicing kicking the football that Sam held in a spot for him. "Yes, sweetheart. And Nicky. Now, I think I heard something about playing hide and seek in the orchard. Does that sound like fun?" 

"Yes!" With a burst of energy, Aislinn leapt to her feet all bruised feelings set aside. 

Abbey marveled again at the resiliency of children. Now, if only adults feelings could be healed that easily. If only she could have helped her eldest daughter as easily as she'd helped her youngest. Being a mother was like constantly being on a rollercoaster – all ups and downs and twists and turns, with few smooth stretches in between. Yet, for all the emotional turmoil and drama, it was not a ride she'd ever for one moment regretted choosing. 

"Mommy!" 

Abbey gave a start as she felt pudgy arms wrap around her neck from behind. The exuberance of the hug could only mean Nicholas, even if his voice hadn't given him away. 

"We're going to the orchard. You come too." 

She smiled and stood, lifted him into her arms and enjoyed the sweaty, little boy smell of him. Nope, stepping onto the maternal rollercoaster was not something she would ever regret. It was in fact, other than marrying Jed, the best decision she'd ever made in her life. 


	25. Altered Lives

"Oh, Abbey," Nora breathed, "The view up here is spectacular." She spun around trying to take it all in. 

The Bartlets' apple orchard sat high on the crest of a hill with panoramic views in every direction. Below them to the east was the picture perfect New England farm. The large white colonial house and long, low, gray, stone walls that divided woods and pastures where dairy cows plodded placidly along killing time until the next milking and where elegant horses grazed behind whitewashed paddocks, occasionally sending forth high pitched whinnies across the silent fields. Well behind the farmhouse to the right, a small ribbon of water wound its way down from the mountains through woods and fields widening to form a rollicking brook that fed into the large pond at the edge of the woods. The last of a large group of migrating Canada geese floated and bobbed on the gray choppy surface, their distinctive honks joining the lowing of the cattle and whickering of the horses. 

To the south was more of the farm – the barn, silo, outbuildings and golden fields. Large barrel-sized bales of hay dotted the landscape in one direction while the other held a vast cornfield, acres of dried yellow stalks that had carried the corn that now filled the silo and that would keep the cows fed over the winter. 

The west was all forest as far as the eye could see – tall, fragrant, still-green pines, starkly beautiful white birch, sturdy oak, and lovely sugar maples that just a month ago had fired the landscape in red and orange and that were tapped every spring for their sap. 

But it was the view to the north that was truly spectacular. The flat valley lay stretched out below them, the only hint of civilization, a tall white church steeple. Undulating slopes rose on the other side of the village gradually rising in height to become the foothills of the White Mountains. On the far horizon, those foothills rose ever higher becoming the distant dark gray peaks of Mt. Kearsearge, Mt Lafayette and Mt. Sandwich. 

Abbey leaned forward over the rail inhaling deeply. The crisp fall air carried on it the familiar earthy scent that combined woodsmoke with pine needles and the sweet tang of decaying apples. 

When they had first moved to the farm, Jed and Abbey had been so taken by the sweeping vistas from the top of their hill they'd had a large viewing deck built. Many a sunny afternoon or evening had been spent sitting in the comfortable chairs that were scattered about the deck sipping glasses of wine, iced tea, or hot chocolate, depending upon the season. It was a wonderful spot to unwind, relax, and talk about their respective days while listening to the girls' laughter as they raced about the orchard playing tag or picking apples. It was on that deck that Abbey and Nora now stood admiring the view. 

"I told you you'd love it. And if you think it's nice now when it's so barren, you should see it through the rest of the year. In the winter it's like a wonderland, all pristine white as far as the eye can see, the sun shining off the glistening ice on the ponds so brightly it hurts your eyes. In the spring this hill is covered in white fluffy apple blossoms, and in the summer everything is lush and green, so many different shades of green. Fall is my favorite though. In September and October everything stretches out in red, orange and gold, a blaze of glory so beautiful it can take your breath away." 

The love for her home, the yearning for it was unmistakable. 

"You miss it here." 

Abbey sighed. It was hard to hide. 

"Yes, I do, I miss it a lot. This is my home; this is where I raised my family. My roots are now as firmly imbedded in this soil as Jed's are. I think I love it even more now that I don't live here full time because I see how much I took it for granted. I can't think of anywhere I'd rather live." 

Realizing how wistful she was sounding, Abbey mentally checked herself. Rarely did she allow herself to dwell on things that could not be changed. She squared her shoulders and turned to Nora with a smile. 

"But, it's not forever.This place is waiting right here for us and it won't be long until we're back. Now, enough about me, let's talk about you." 

"What about me?" 

Abbey's gaze turned sly. "I see you brought Will with you today." 

"Abbey." 

"Don't 'Abbey' me. I see the way he looks at you." 

"Really? And how is that?" 

"The way a man looks at a woman." 

"Well, I really wouldn't know about that." 

It was still difficult for Nora to discuss normal male/female relationships or anything involving sexuality, but she was getting much better through her work with a counselor and her exposure to the outside world. 

"Yes, well I do know, and I can assure you that he looks at you as a woman and not just sexually." 

"Abbey," Nora groaned. "Do we have to talk about this?" 

Abbey linked her arm through the other woman's. "Yes. This is what girlfriends do. This is what WE used to do before you joined the convent." 

"Okay, then, if we have to discuss it, what did you mean not just...you know." 

"Seexuuallly?" A wide teasing grin crossed Abbey's face as she drew out the word. 

As teens, Nora, a year older than Abbey, had been the more sexually advanced of the two. She'd been both boy crazy and flirtatious, anxious for all the romantic and physical delights of the male/female relationship. She'd been the first to date; the first to kiss a boy and the first to go all the way. Abbey, more serious and focused on her studies had dated, flirted, done a little making out, but had not been involved in any serious high school relationships, certainly not come close to going all the way. Sex was something she planned to save for the man she chose to spend her life with. She had, however, enjoyed the titillation of living vicariously through Nora's exploits. Now the tables were turned, Abbey was the one knowledgeable and comfortable with her sexuality and it was Nora's turn to blush and question. 

"I meant that he doesn't just look at you like some predatory male who just wants to jump your bones. Not that that's a bad thing in certain situations of course." 

One predatory look from Jed had the power to fire her blood in an instant. 

"But, this is more than that, more than lust. He looks at you with tenderness, the kind of tenderness you show for someone you truly care about." 

"You think?" 

The hopeful glint that touched Nora's eyes did not go unnoticed. 

"Ah HA!" Abbey nudged her hip against her cousin's. "I KNEW you were interested." 

"We're friends, Abbey. Yes, we've been thrown together a lot since we share a daughter and now a granddaughter, but we're just friends." 

"Friendship is a good way to lead to romance." 

"I'm a little old for romance." 

Abbey shoved her windblown hair behind her ears, eyes widening. "Are you KIDDING me? Nora O'Neill, you are NEVER too old for romance." 

Nora laughed. "You always were impossible." 

"I want you to be happy. Not that you need a man to be happy, of course. God, if the feminists could hear me now. But..." 

Her gaze wandered, centered on Jed who was in an animated explanation of the rules of hide and go seek. Loving affection for him softened her eyes. 

"But what?" 

"But, oh honey, having a man, the RIGHT man, sure does help. And, I've got to tell you, I really like Will a lot." 

"You want to know a secret?" 

"Of course." 

"I like Will a lot too." 

Abbey beamed with delight. 

"Mommy." Nicholas stood at the bottom of the stairs. "Are you coming to play hide 'n seek?" 

"Absolutely, I'm on my way." She stopped partway down the stairs, turned back to look at her cousin who remained at the rail. "Come on, Nora." 

"Oh, Abbey. I haven't played hide and seek in forty years." 

"It hasn't changed. Come on. Even Leo's playing." 

Jed caught that last statement as he joined his wife at the bottom of the stairs. 

"How did you finagle that?" 

"How do you think? I had Aislinn ask him. No man can resist those big pleading eyes." 

Jed laughed. "Already working her feminine wiles, is she?" 

"She's had enough practice on her doting dad." 

"That she has." 

Gus ran up, smacked Jed on the leg. "You're 'it', Papa Jed. You gotta count first." 

"Do you have a partner?" 

The little ones had been told they had to have a grown up partner, lest they get lost in the orchard. 

"Yup, my mommy." 

"Annie's my partner," Aislinn proudly lifted the older girl's hand. 

Nicky grabbed Abbey's hand proprietarily. "Mommy's mine." 

"Okay, if you're all partnered up then SCATTER!" 

Childish shrieks and giggles were accompanied by adult groans as everyone raced off to find a place to hide. 

**** 

By the time hide and seek ended, the sun was starting to set – impending darkness setting everyone on their way back down to the house. 

Breathlessly, Ellie slid her arm through Sam's to stroll together with him down the long sloping hill. Watching him today as he had fit so seamlessly in with her family had been a revelation to her. He'd joked around with her father, shown interest in her mother's work at the free clinic, discussed former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright's biography with Elizabeth, talked to Zoey about her upcoming internship working with abused and damaged children, and played a game of _Chutes and Ladders_ with her grandparents, younger siblings and nephew. And, best of all, his enjoyment of them all seemed to be genuine. 

She laid her head against his shoulder while they walked. "How are you doing?" she asked. 

"I'm good. I'm having fun." 

"Really? I mean I know it can all be rather chaotic and crazy with everyone here. It's a lot different than it was at your house." 

Sam paused, thought about the small quiet Thanksgiving at his own parents' home. The sweet smile he bestowed upon Ellie caused her heart to flip-flop in her chest. Yes, as a doctor she knew that was medically impossible but that was exactly what if felt like. 

"Don't sweat it, Els. I love it here. You know I feel about your dad. He is without a doubt the greatest man I've ever known or will know and I've come to respect your mother more than I can say. And, well, when it comes to your sisters, for a long time I knew them far better than I knew you." 

That was especially true with Zoey. Only fifteen when Jed Bartlet had announced his candidacy for President, she had been a constant on the campaign trail during the summer when she wasn't in school. The Bartlet staff had grown very close to the Governor's daughter, coming to perceive her as a very young kid sister to them and as such they had all protected her as much as possible. 

"Your family is great. I've always thought so." 

"They kind of are, aren't they? They can drive me crazy at times but they mean everything to me." 

The sincerity of that statement shone in Ellie's eyes. However different she felt from them at times, there was a bond there, a deep familial bond of love and loyalty and acceptance. 

By now Sam knew the Bartlets pretty well and Ellie even better. His girlfriend was an introvert in a family of extroverts. She was also a very private person who kept her feelings held close to the vest and it had taken a long time before she had trusted him enough to open up about the insecurities that stemmed from being different. Over the past year he had learned that at times she felt like an outsider in her family – a feeling that had been exacerbated when her father had decided to run for President. Her elder and younger sisters had taken to the campaign with enthusiasm and gusto, bound and determined to help get their amazing father elected. Ellie, on the other hand, had shied away from the limelight fearing both being put on display and also that she would lose something of the father she adored, once she had to share him with the world. 

Jed Bartlet had taken the way his middle daughter hid away at college, even taking a summer job on campus to avoid campaigning, as proof that she didn't share her sisters' admiration of him, unaware that that sentiment couldn't have been further from the truth. And, knowing that the campaign didn't interest her, he didn't push her to contribute and instead, shared it all with Zoey and Elizabeth – both of whom loved every second of it. 

Because of that, Ellie thought he simply didn't care that she wasn't around. After all he had her two sisters to share the excitement with; why would he need her? If she had been truly honest with herself back then, she would have been able to admit what she now knew to be the truth. She had felt left out and some of the blame for that lay right on her own shoulders. In the beginning she had turned down request after request, invitation after invitation until finally they stopped coming. She didn't want to be on the stage smiling for the cameras, but she desperately wanted her father to WANT her there at his side. So, when he had stopped asking her, it hurt. She hadn't stopped to think how much her refusals had hurt him or that he had felt like he was doing her a favor in trying not to allow the campaign to disrupt her life. She now knew that it had indeed hurt him deeply that she hadn't wanted to be more involved; and that in spite of that, he respected her need for privacy and tried his level best to shield her from the press so she could simply live her life. 

It had definitely been a conundrum, and one that neither she nor her father had handled well. Still, that was all in the past now, the misunderstandings history, and their relationship blossoming back to a closeness they had shared before he had moved into the White House. 

Standing a few yards back, Abbey watched her middle daughter and her boyfriend – happiness for them accompanied by a deep, pervading sadness for her eldest daughter. While Sam and Ellie walked arm in arm, there was a careful distance between Elizabeth and Doug, an almost palpable negative energy she felt sure everyone could feel. She hadn't had time to ponder, reflect, and digest all that Elizabeth had told her on the porch. Instead, she'd been thrust right into the football game. The game had, however, given her the opportunity to give her son-in law a few extra well-deserved shoves and even an "accidental" elbow jab to the groin that had given her a wicked sense of satisfaction. 

Her heart hurt for Liz and what she was going through as a woman, a wife and a mother. Was there anything more hurtful, more damaging than infidelity? If there was, Abbey wasn't sure what it could be. And to have borne witness to her husband in bed with another woman? A shudder ran through her at just the thought. 

Only a few paces away, Jed noted the solitary figure his wife made, hands shoved into the pockets of her faded, gold, canvas, barn jacket, shoulders slumped, head down. Something was wrong. 

"Hey." 

Abbey snapped to attention when he slipped an arm over her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. 

"Have you ever noticed there is a lot of terminology in football that is overtly sexual?" 

Abbey's brow furrowed. Where the hell had that come from? Oh well, she'd bite. 

"Really? 

"Yes, I believe it was Josh that brought to my attention that there are even radio talk shows where they discuss the best sexual connotations the commentators made during the weekend games." 

"I assume this is where you expect me to want to know what some of those connotations were?" 

His face creased in a boyish grin. "I thought you'd never ask. Let's see, there's–" He lifted a hand counting the phrases on his fingers, "He could go all the way, He's taking it deep. It's a game of inches. He's penetrating the hole. He bangs it in. And what I think would have to be YOUR personal favorite, he's got great hands..." 

Laughing, Abbey held her own hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, I get it. So, let me get this straight. Now football is a turn on?" 

"Only if you're watching it with me, hot stuff." 

He stopped, ran a finger over her smiling lips, his eyes moving from laughter to serious in a heartbeat. 

"Now this is more like it. Want to tell me what had you looking so sad?" 

God love the man, the whole football thing had been a ploy to get her to smile. But, now was not the time. 

"It was nothing in particular." 

"Abigail." 

The warning let her know she wasn't going to be able to brush him off this time. 

"Does it worry you that Zoey hasn't gone out on a date since finding out about Jean-Paul's role in the kidnapping?" 

It wasn't a complete lie; she had been worrying about that, along with Elizabeth's situation. 

"Not at all. Those are not the kinds of things that keep ME awake at night, doll. When she gets a boyfriend THEN I'll start worrying." 

"Jed, come on, be serious. I thought she might get back together with Charlie, he was really there for her when she came home, but they're just best friends. Do you think there are still psychological ramifications from everything that happened?" 

"I think we got Zoey the help that she needed and she's made amazing strides. I think she's just being careful and when she finds the right guy, somewhere a very long, long, LONG way down the road," his eyes twinkled, "Frenchie will be history. Wanna know what else I think?" 

"I don't know, do I?" 

"Yes, you do. I think, you are, a big–" he hooked an ankle around the back of her knee and yanked forward at the same time he shoved her backwards. Abbey shrieked in shock and braced herself to hit the hard ground. Laughter bubbled from her chest when she found herself sunk into a big, soft; musty smelling pile of leaves she had not known was behind her. Jed was on top of her, his face just inches from hers. 

"A big what?" she asked, brushing leaves from his hair. 

"A big worrywart." 

"I'm a mom. A worry gene is created inside us the second our egg comes face to face with its first swaggering little sperm." 

Jed gave a snort of laughter. "Swaggering, eh?" 

"Well, I can't speak for all women, but I'm pretty sure YOUR sperm swagger." 

"Maybe we can pull out one of your microscopes and check?" 

"Jed, I'm not looking at your sperm under a microscope." 

"Could be kinky." 

"Could be creepy. You're a sick man, Josiah Bartlet." 

He grinned, bent to rub his nose gently across hers. "Don't I know it." 

He kissed her then, a sweet kiss of the utmost tenderness. 

"Where's my mommy and daddy?" Aislinn's distinctly loud voice caused everyone to stop and look around for the President and First Lady. Laughter rang out when two hands lifted sheepishly out of the giant leaf pile at the edge of the orchard. 

Aislinn saw the hands and raced forward, her little legs propelling her toward them with glee. "I'm gonna play with Mommy and Daddy in the leaves!" 

"Me too!" 

"Me too!" 

Within seconds, Aislinn, Nicholas and Gus had thrown themselves into the pile with Abbey and Jed and the air was filled with peals of laughter and the leaves that were tossed and flying about as they all wrestled and played. 

Picking bits of leaves with her right hand from her long mane of hair while they made the walk back down to the house, Abbey's left hand tightly enclosed Aislinn's. Jed had a hold of the little girl's other hand so that she walked between them with excited cries of "swing me, Mommy, swing me Daddy". They did so, much to her shrieking delight, while Nicholas was content to hang on his father's neck in a piggyback. 

Watching the first family, Vivian reached out to take Jane's hand. 

"Before I met your brother-in-law, I thought all politicians had sticks up their asses. But any guy who drags his wife into a leaf pile to sneak a few kisses is all right in my book. And, look at him with those kids. They're a real family, not a photo-op." 

"I told you he wasn't like any politician you'd ever meet." 

"Forgive me for thinking you might be just a tad biased. And Ellie's Sam is pretty stickless too and very, very cute." 

"He's absolutely adorable. Those gorgeous eyes and charming smile." 

"She's picked a winner to be sure." 

"Finally. You should have seen some of the lovable losers our Ellie has dated over the years. She used to pick up stray guys the way an old lady picks up stray cats. First there was this guitar player–" 

Face flaming with embarrassment, Ellie stopped and whirled on her aunt and Vivian. 

"Do you NOT see us right in front of you? We're not deaf you know." 

"Nobody said you were, dear." Jane was grinning now. "We weren't speaking out of turn." 

"No? You don't think it might embarrass Sam to listen to you talking about how beautiful he is and to hear you discussing my former love life." 

"Former SORRY love life." 

Ellie glared showing a touch of Bartlet fire. 

"Sam, have we embarrassed you?" Vivian asked. 

Sam shook his head with a smile. "Not at all. I met the bug guy but I'd like to hear more about this guitar player." 

"Well, let's see he–" 

Ellie wagged a finger in front of her aunt's face. "Not another word, Aunt Jane. Come on, Sam." She dragged him away, out of hearing range. 

"See what I mean by driving me crazy." 

"Mmm..." 

Her eyes narrowed. "What are you grinning about?" 

"You think I'm beautiful." 

"I think what? Oh, God, I said that, didn't I." 

"Yes, you did." 

'You're going to hold that over me, aren't you?" 

"Of course I am." 

**** 

"Who is Elmo and why on earth does he want to be tickled?" 

Head still in the refrigerator while she pulled out leftovers for the evening meal, Abbey peered around the door at Leo with a distracted frown. 

"What?" 

"I was asked by a certain little miss who is, as we speak, on the verge of crisis, to help her find her Tickle Me Elmo. Evidently, according to Aislinn, he is lost and probably scared and we HAVE to find him, but I have no idea what I'm looking for." 

Abbey's lips curved. "Little stuffed red Muppet that giggles when you tickle him." 

"Any clue where he might be?" 

"Check under her bed," she suggested. 

Jed elaborated as he entered the kitchen carrying a glass. "She sleeps with him along with about twenty other dolls and stuffed animals and sometimes he ends up on the floor and under the bed." He handed the glass to Abbey with a kiss to her cheek. "Baileys Irish, that'll warm ye lass." 

"Thanks." She took a sip, felt the warmth slide down her throat to spread nicely through her belly and to her extremities. Once the sun had begun to set, the air had carried a frigid bite that had chilled everyone on the walk back to the house. 

"Hey, buddy, you're going to trip on those laces." 

Seated at the kitchen table, Sam scooped a running Nicholas up into his arms and set him on his lap to tie his sneakers. The boy was still rosy cheeked from the afternoon out of doors and Sam gave his running nose a quick swipe with a napkin before setting him back down on the floor to chase Panda down the hall. He was oblivious to the looks of approval the women shared with one another. 

From his vantage point at the table, Sam was able to observe the Bartlet women as they worked together as a team to prepare sandwiches for those who still remained at the house. From behind they mostly looked alike, long varying shades of burnished auburn hair and small slender builds with just the right gentle curves. Ellie of course was blond, but Sam knew her real hair color held a lot more strawberry in it, and she was just a tad taller and less curvy than her mother and sisters. 

They were a great group of women – beautiful, funny, vivacious, highly intelligent, sassy, loving, and opinionated. And yet, they were all unique individuals. Abbey, the matriarch – stunningly lovely and vibrant and with a youthful beauty could easily have passed her off as her daughters' elder sister rather than mother. She was a combination of maternal warmth and sassy, smoldering sexuality that was an extremely attractive fit on a woman. Elizabeth, the eldest sister, shared her mother's maternal warmth and direct honesty and she was definitely a leader of the sisters. The other girls took their cue from Liz who was obviously used to making quick decisions and had no qualms about telling them what to do. Zoey, the youngest, was funny and irreverent, a bit of a tease, and since she was the baby, desperate to be taken seriously. On the surface Ellie was softer than her mother and sisters, quieter, somehow more vulnerable, but he knew that deep inside she shared their strength of character. 

He enjoyed watching Ellie with her mom and sisters. With them she could open up and show a side of herself she only exposed to family and friends. This was most certainly an old routine for them and they had slipped easily into working together as they had over the years. They laughed and joked and teased each other while they chopped up turkey, cut slices of bread from the fresh loaves that lined the countertop and added stuffing and cranberry sauce to the thick slices. Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't realized they had finished until Abbey spoke. 

"Sam, would you bring this out to the dining room table please." 

She held out a platter heaping with delicious looking sandwich wedges. Zoey grabbed the big wooden bowl filled with potato chips and Ellie carried out the gravy, mayonnaise, and cranberry horseradish sauce that people could choose to add to their sandwiches. 

Once they all left the room, Abbey finally had the moment alone with Elizabeth that she'd been hoping to get before Liz left. She slid an arm around her daughter's waist feeling the weight Liz had lost. Weight her small frame could ill afford to lose, Abbey could easily feel the fragility of her daughter's bones. She wasn't used to thinking of her eldest daughter in terms of fragility. Elizabeth was always the strong one, the sure one, but now she was the shattered one. 

"We didn't really get a chance to finish talking earlier," she started. 

Elizabeth licked gravy from her finger. "What more is there to say, Mom?" 

"I just want to make sure you understand why I feel like I really have to tell your father what's going on. This is a secret that has the potential to hurt him. We hardly ever keep those kind of secrets from each other and when we have they've come back to blow up in our faces." 

"Mom, it's okay, really. I know what you went through after the kidnapping. I was pissed he didn't tell you about Shareef too. Nobody should be blindsided by something like that." 

Deeply shocked and hurt, her mother had been like the walking wounded for months after her father had allowed her to find out at the same time as the rest of the world that he had okayed the plot to assassinate the known terrorist Abdul Shareef and the role that that decision had played in the kidnapping. Elizabeth had been furious with him for not preparing her mother, not giving her any warning. 

Abbey nodded but knew that she was not entirely without blame in that department. Her daughter didn't know about the secret she had kept from Jed, a secret that had caused him so much anguish. She would never forget the look on his face the day he found out that Leo had made a drunken pass at her, had in fact begged her to go to bed with him a decade earlier when he had hit rock bottom in his drinking. It had created a huge rift in his friendship with Leo, had in fact come close to ending it and he'd been terribly hurt that she had kept what happened from him. While she'd thought she was doing the right thing, protecting her husband from the hurt of knowing how low his best friend had sunk, it was so much worse for him to have been blindsided by it years later by a third party when he didn't know who or what to believe. 

Secrets like that tore at the fabric of trust that had been woven between them through the years and she'd like to think that both she and Jed had learned their lessons. No matter how altruistic they thought they were being in trying to protect the other, the truth was always the best avenue, no matter how much it might hurt. 

"I know Dad has to know, to be warned," Elizabeth continued, "I never expected you not to tell him at some point. And, once I thought more about it I guess I figured that by telling you I was killing two birds with one stone. Maybe that wasn't fair of me." 

"What wasn't?" 

"Assuming you'd tell him for me. I know he has to know. He's a perceptive guy. He keeps asking me if something's bothering me. Guess I'm not a very good actress and I certainly don't want to worry him. He's got enough on his plate. And," she swallowed tightly, "if this ever, God forbid, comes out in the press, well, I don't want him hit broadside with that. I suppose I just felt it would be easier for me if you told him later. Not very courageous, huh?" 

Abbey gave her a sad little smile, her eyes tender with emotion. "I think you're very courageous. And I have no problem doing that for you. I hate that you're going through this and I'll do anything I can to make it any easier for you. I just didn't want you to think that was running to your dad and spilling your confidences." 

Elizabeth took her hand. "I know you don't do that, Mom. You've always been there for me and I trust you. You wouldn't go to Dad without feeling it was important for him to know. Like I said out on the porch, the only thing I didn't want was for him to find out while we're still here and make a big scene in front of everyone." 

"So, we're okay?" 

"Of course." Elizabeth leaned over, gave her mother a quick peck to the cheek. 


	26. Altered Lives

"Brrr...It sure gets cold here at night." Sam blew on his hands as he accompanied Jed to the end of the porch and the small pile of logs they'd been asked to bring in. 

Jed shrugged. "Just a little brisk. Guess it doesn't get this cold in southern California." 

"Nope." 

"I appreciate you cutting your visit there a little short to get back here for our Thanksgiving." 

Sam's face hardened in distaste. "Wasn't a hardship." 

Frowning, Jed set the log he'd lifted back down. "That doesn't sound good. Was there a problem?" 

"Oh, just the same old thing." 

"Your father?" 

Jed was well aware of the struggles Sam had gone through trying to come to terms with finding out about his father's second life. The mistress he'd kept a secret for two decades. 

"Yes, I've lost all my respect for him and I'm not sure I can ever get it back." 

Jed gave a heavy sigh and nodded his understanding. He felt very deeply against adultery, found it morally repugnant. And, he knew exactly what it was like to struggle to respect a man who didn't deserve his respect. It had never been easy for him to admit to his troubled relationship with his father, but seeing the pain on Sam's face forced him past the discomfort. 

"It's probably going to take you some time to move past it all, if you ever can. It may just have to be something you learn to live with if you want to have a relationship with him. But, speaking as a man who had a difficult time with his own father, I can only tell you to try take a life lesson from what happened to you." 

Sam's brow furrowed. "A life lesson?" he asked. 

"Most children either emulate their parents or try to become the opposite of them. Look at your father, the pain he has caused the people he loves and promise yourself that you'll never do that to your own family. One day you'll meet a woman who will turn your world upside down, a woman who will love you and give you children. Then when you have your own family, YOUR childhood won't matter so much to you. It will be THEIRS that matters. When that happens it's a lot easier to put things into perspective, to look forward instead of back." 

Sam was quiet for a long moment. In the seven years he'd known Jed Bartlet, the man had never been quite so open about his childhood years. It moved him to be trusted with such a confidence. 

His voice was soft when he spoke, hesitantly respectful. "Is that what happened to you, sir?" 

Jed's eyes moved to the lighted window where he could hear Abbey laughing inside. "What do you think?" 

Nodding in understanding, Sam's eyes followed his. Given the length of the Bartlet marriage, the flirting, the teasing, the sexy banter, the constant phone calls back and forth during the '98 campaign had all been a bit of a surprise. During the White House years, the staff had become used to it, not even blinking an eye when told that the President and First Lady were enjoying a barbecue in the middle of the day – which they all knew really translated to a little afternoon delight. 

"I think you and Mrs. Bartlet are amazing. You've been together for such a long time yet the intensity of your relationship is still so strong. How do you do it?" 

Jed rubbed his palms over his rough jaw giving the matter some thought before speaking. "I'm not sure I have any great words of wisdom, Sam. All I can say is that God was smiling down on me the day he put Abigail O'Neill in my path. The first time I saw her, well, that was it for me. I looked at Abbey and saw the woman I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I wanted to propose to her on our first date," he chuckled at the memory. "And now, well, there are a lot of reasons we've stayed happy over the years, but mostly it's love. I wake up every day even more in love with that woman than the I did the last." 

Having come to the doorway to check up on what was taking Jed so long, Abbey stood with Aislinn on her hip. Quick tears stung her eyes at her husband's heartfelt words. 

"Jed." His name came out thick with emotion leaving no doubt she'd heard what he said. 

Pivoting to see his wife and daughter standing in the spillover light from the kitchen, Jed's eyes lit with appreciation. Abbey's hip jut out to the side to hold Aislinn anchored there. The little girl's head lay on Abbey's shoulder, her thumb planted in her mouth. Blond hair mingled with red. Madonna and child. Was there ever a sight more beautiful? 

"Ahhh, look at my green-eyed beauties." Grinning widely, Jed strode across the porch. "Aren't I a lucky man, Sam." 

It wasn't a question but Sam agreed anyway. Lately he'd been thinking more and more along the lines of family. His own family to be precise. Aislinn and Nicholas were great little kids and being around them made him think about any children he might have with Ellie. He wondered if they would be as funny and sassy and sweet and adorable as her two young siblings were. 

Abbey's hand ran over Jed's shoulder squeezing gently, a private acknowledgement of his expression of love. 

"Liz and Doug are getting the kids ready to leave and we've got to get our own two on to bed soon. Nicholas is falling asleep with Dad on the couch," she told him. 

"Okay, I'm on my way in." 

She nodded, went back inside. 

Carrying a load of logs for the fireplace, Sam passed Jed at the door. "Thanks for the talk. You've given me a lot to think about." 

"You're a good man, Sam." Jed gave him a pat to the shoulder; "You'll figure it out." 

Sam really was a good man and while Jed grabbed his own load of logs, he allowed himself to hope that the woman who turned Sam's world upside down ended up being his daughter. As much as Ellie had fought it, from what he could see that was already the case and he couldn't imagine a better son-in-law. There were not many men he felt were worthy of his beautiful daughters, but Sam came incredibly close. 

Inside, pandemonium reigned as the Westins prepared to leave. Not wanting to go home, Gus was crying and fighting Doug as he tried to force the boy into his coat. Elizabeth was scrambling around making sure the kids weren't forgetting anything and Abbey was busy working one handed to slip Tupperware containers filled with leftovers into a bag for Liz to take home while a cranky, overtired Aislinn whined her discontent into her shoulder. Finally it was time for hugs and kisses good-bye. 

Jed was just pulling back from the big bear hug he'd given Annie when his eyes were drawn to Abbey and Doug. Doug bent to kiss his diminutive mother-in-law good-bye and much to Jed's surprise, Abbey almost imperceptibly but firmly stepped back from him not allowing the kiss to take place. He didn't see the look she gave Doug but it must have been a doozy because it caused Doug to step back with uncertainty. He frowned. Something was definitely going on here today; there were all kinds of undercurrents between Abbey, Elizabeth and Doug. He was not a man who liked being left in the dark and as soon as the kids were tucked in for the night, he'd be looking to his wife for some answers. 

**** 

The twins were both overtired and crabby, fussing about going to sleep, yet so tired they could barely keep their eyes open while forcing Abbey into reading three stories before bed. They were still protesting weakly when she left the room with a firm "Go to sleep." Once in the hall, headed for her own bedroom, she was confronted by her middle daughter and her boyfriend in the middle of a heavy duty clinch at Ellie's bedroom door. They were kissing good night as if there were no tomorrow. Had there been any doubt in Abbey's mind that Sam and Ellie were lovers that kiss would have wiped it away. They kissed like lovers. 

She cleared her throat and the two broke apart, turned to see her with her arms crossed under her breasts and a raised brow. 

"Better not let your father catch you kissing like that." 

Ellie's fair cheeks flushed a deep rose but Sam was non-plussed. He flashed Abbey a contrite smile. 

"You're right. I do value my life. Good-night, Ellie." The kiss he gave her this time was a chaste one placed to the forehead, after which he faced Abbey. 

He'd never seen the elegantly fashionable First Lady looking quite so casual. Barefoot, she wore a pair of warm ragwool socks, soft gray form fitting leggings and a baggy Celtics T-shirt that obviously belonged to the President, as it fell all the way to her knees. In that get up and with her long hair pulled back in a high ponytail, she looked tiny and impossibly young and yet, somehow, she still reeked of class. It had to be something in the blood, some kind of genetics that predisposed some women to have that kind of innate class no matter what the circumstances. 

"Good night, Mrs. B." 

"Good night, Samuel." She crossed the hall toward Ellie patting his shoulder as he passed her by on his way to the guestroom. 

"So, Sam was okay with the sleeping arrangements?" she asked. 

"What do you mean?" 

Abbey's lips twisted wryly. "I'm not naive, sweetheart. You and Sam have been dating for a year now. You're in love with him." 

Ellie cast her a coy look, her cheeks still pink. "Are you asking me if I'm sleeping with Sam?" 

"You're an adult; that isn't my business anymore." She had raised her daughter properly; Ellie was careful and cautious. She didn't sleep around and didn't jump into bed casually. If she was sleeping with Sam, it was because she was in love with him. Abbey had to accept that even if there was a part of her that would always think of Ellie as her innocent little girl. 

"Yes, Sam and I sleep together. But we didn't expect to share a room here. We know how old fashioned you guys are about that sort of thing and if you want the truth, I'm kind of old fashioned myself. I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing a room here with Sam and I know Sam wouldn't with Daddy just next door. 

Abbey laughed. "A very wise decision on his part. Your father is not as liberal minded as I am." 

"To say the least. I think if he had his way, he'd even put Elizabeth and Doug in separate rooms." 

"You're probably right. Good night, sweetheart." 

"'Night, Mom." 

Earlier, while she and Jed had been bathing the twins, Abbey had promised to answer his questions later in the privacy of their room. Bracing herself now for those questions and the emotional barrage she was sure would follow, she sucked in a deep breath and opened the bedroom door. 

The room was dim, the only light the bedside lamp Jed was using to read. He sat up propped against the pillows but his glasses had fallen down to the tip of his nose, his book lay flat on his chest, and one hand dangled down off the side of the bed. A tender smile softened the tension on her face as she realized that he had fallen asleep. 

She grabbed Max's collar before the dog could nuzzle at Jed's dangling hand then stood at the side of the bed for a moment just watching him sleep. The tender smile remained on her face as she took in his boyishly handsome features. Sitting softly, careful not to dip the bed, she reached a finger out to brush back the sandy brownish/blond hair that lay over his forehead. Only rarely now was she allowed the pleasure of examining her husband at peace when he was unaware of her perusal. During most of the years of their marriage, it had been she who had to be up earlier than he and oftentimes she'd done just what she was doing now, watched Jed sleep, admiring his beautiful face and physique, well aware of what a lucky woman she was. Since he had become President those moments were few and far between so it brought her an even greater pleasure to be able to have this time. 

Gently she removed his glasses. The tiny laugh lines at the corners of his eyes were almost invisible, flattened by the relaxation of sleep. His long tawny eyelashes brushed sweetly against his cheeks. His lips were parted slightly to breathe and she couldn't resist bending to press a soft kiss to the sexy little dip just under his full lower lip. He murmured, the hand that had been dangling over the side of the bed lifting to settle on her thigh. 

"Abbey," his voice was husky with sleep. 

"Ssh...Go back to sleep." 

"You too." he urged. 

"I'm coming." She made her way around the bed to her side and crawled in under the covers immediately scooting over to cuddle up to his nice warm body. 

"We were s'posed to talk," he yawned. 

"In the morning," she promised. "It's nothing that can't wait until morning." 

"Mmm...'kay." he agreed. His fingers moved to thread through her fragrant silky hair as she nuzzled into his side sliding a hand up under his T-shirt to caress his warm belly and broad chest. "Love you." 

"I love you too." Lulled by the rise and fall of his chest and the feel of his heartbeat under her palm, she fell asleep in that exact position. 

**** 

The first light of dawn was just streaming through the bedroom window when Abbey awoke, this time not to Jed's caresses trying to warm her to a little early morning lovemaking, but to the worries that had plagued her for much of the night. 

She crawled out of the warm bed heading straight for her dresser and quietly slipped on a pair of black jodhpurs, a warm turtleneck and an even warmer oversized New England Patriots gray sweatshirt. Twisting her hair firmly back into a ponytail, she left Jed snoring lightly after informing him that she was going for a ride and reminding him he'd be on twin duty if they woke before she got back. 

In the kitchen, needing to clear the cobwebs, she first set the coffee machine on. While it brewed, she found a blueberry muffin from yesterday's breakfast and popped it into the microwave for a quick heat. Nibbling at the warm muffin, she opened the door to the porch to let the lone agent know she would be going for a ride. Security at the farmhouse was less intense than at the White House because it all centered at the periphery of the land, another reason Abbey loved to be at the farm. There was a much greater sense of freedom here even if there was just as much firepower guarding them. 

Pouring the coffee into a stainless steal thermos, adding her requisite half and half and one sugar substitute, she gave one last quick listen at the foot of the stairs grateful to hear only the clicks and dull creaks of an old home and not the pattering of little feet just yet. This had always been the time of day that belonged to her; the stillness of early morning before Jed and the kids woke. 

Tucking the thermos under her arm, she finished her muffin on the way to the stables. A cold, damp, early morning fog hung over the farm muting the land into nothingness. Abbey could barely see the barn through the misty veils but could have made the walk in her sleep. 

She stopped first to see Aquinnah who greeted her with a few friendly whickers. The mare quickly did away with the apple chunks Abbey offered her along with a promise to take her out for a ride later in the afternoon when she and Zoey planned to take to the trails together. Leaving Aquinnah with a kiss to the muzzle and a scratch behind the ears she made her way down the row of stalls to the very end toward a horse she barely knew – Finnegan's Wake, the stallion she had been given in Ireland. His whinny upon seeing her was loud and deep, his hoof thudding against the floor in anticipation of human interaction. He was a beautiful horse, tall, sleek and muscular. Abbey had yet to ride him and though she was an accomplished horsewoman, it still gave her a moment of trepidation to think about mounting the powerful horse. But, that trepidation was nothing compared to her excitement. 

She fed Finn the rest of the apple chunks, spoke to him the whole time she groomed and tacked him and found him to be a pleasant enough fellow, if a little impatient. There had been no complaints of difficulty from the grooms hired to exercise the horses so Abbey swung herself up into the saddle with confidence. 

The sun was just starting to burn off the fog leaving her to ride through the swirling smoky wisps as she emerged from the barn. The morning was still brand new, quiet and peaceful, the farm just starting to awaken. The sky was a dull pewter November gray and it was bitterly cold, as late fall mornings could be, more than cold enough to see her breath and Finn's. She was grateful for the warm insulated gloves she wore and for the heat of the large horse she rode. 

Setting out at a slow walk, wanting to get a feel of the horse beneath her, she crossed the frost-covered backfield toward a trail that followed the low embankment of the brook and allowed her mind to wander. 

She was up so early because she hadn't slept well, had in fact tossed and turned much of the night dwelling on Elizabeth's predicament. There just wasn't any easy or good solution to her daughter's dilemma. She understood Elizabeth's need to fight for her family, her marriage and her children, but at what detriment to herself? What was it going to do to her daughter to have to live with what Doug had done day in and day out, to live with that lack of trust, the constant fear that he might do it again and the knowledge that he had such a lack of respect for her he would sleep with a woman in her own bed, a woman she had innocently included as one of the family. Had Abbey truly believed that Elizabeth was sticking it out because of her deep love for Doug and that Doug returned those feelings and was genuinely sorry and ready to do whatever it took to keep his marriage together, it would be far easier for her to swallow. She didn't, however, believe that was the case. Through words both said and left unsaid, Elizabeth gave her the impression that she was putting her own feelings aside to keep an idealized version of "family" still alive – that her decision was more about the children than it was about her and Doug. 

And, as for her son-in-law, well, knowing Doug he WAS probably sorry – sorry that he'd gotten caught. Doug needed Elizabeth, especially now as he was about to announce his candidacy for Congress. There was no equality in that marriage; Elizabeth was the strong one, the realistic one, the one who kept it all together, and without her, Doug would be nowhere, go nowhere. 

Neither she nor Jed had been thrilled when their daughter had decided to marry Doug, not because he wasn't the brightest bulb on the planet, not because he was immature, but because they both knew Liz was marrying for the wrong reasons. They'd expressed their reservations but once she'd made her choice they had tried to support her, given her a big wedding, their best wishes, a grand honeymoon and the down payment on a house, hoping against hope that they were wrong. Doug was young; there was still the chance that having a wife and family would help him to grow up and mature. In some ways it had, but in most ways it hadn't. Had Doug lived in the south, they would have referred to him as a "good old boy". A former high school star athlete, he enjoyed nothing more than hanging out with his buddies, fishing, snowmobiling, golfing, or watching sports. He was a fast talker and had no problem throwing the Bartlet name around in his work in real estate, climbing up the ladder to a prominent position because of his connections. Privately, the family thought of him as a blow hard, but because he was Elizabeth's husband and because he treated she and Annie well, they tried to ignore his faults. Well, she did anyway, Jed had a little more of a problem with that. 

But, as Jed's prominence rose, so did Doug's sense of privilege. Working his way up on his own merits had never been high on Doug's priority list and Abbey knew it grated tremendously on Jed's nerves that his son-in-law used him – used Elizabeth – for perks and gains. Her husband had grown up believing you should earn what you achieve and the fact that his son-in-law always looked for the easy way out was definitely a black mark against him. 

When Finn stopped at a low stone wall, Abbey found that while she had been wool gathering – she'd come to the edge of the property. Rolling her stiff shoulders, she tried to shake off her melancholy. How many times over their years together had she reminded Jed that he could not fix everything? Now it was time to take a dose of her own medicine. She, too, was a fixer, a mother and a doctor. As a surgeon she had spent her life fixing people, cutting out and repairing what hurt them and that made it tremendously difficult to step back and admit that this was not something she could fix. As much as she loved her daughter, as much as she would do anything in the world for her, Elizabeth was going to have to do this on her own. Convincing herself of that was not exactly easy, convincing Jed of that might prove to be impossible. She sighed, dreading the conversation that awaited her back at the house. 

"Okay, Finn." Turning the horse toward the open fields, Abbey's thighs tightened against the saddle. "Let's see what you've got." 

Half Arabian and half Thoroughbred, Abbey's mare Aquinnah could be high strung and temperamental so Abbey had been ready for any antics Finn might throw at her. To the credit of his Irish trainers, the stallion had behaved like a perfect gentlemen and now he would get his reward, an exhilarating gallop through wide open fields that had Abbey's heart racing and adrenaline flowing. 

**** 

Standing at the window of his bedroom, Jed placed a hand against the cold pane as he watched his wife put her new horse through his paces. Witnessing the long walk along the water's edge, Jed was even more certain that something was bothering Abbey. 

Hopping on the back of a horse was her way of thinking and clearing her head. That or taking a long hike. God only knew how many miles she'd ridden or walked last year by this time. Inhaling deeply, he ran his hands up and down his arms. Something was deeply troubling his wife. She'd tossed and turned at his side for much of the night and had been off to the barn at first light. It was time he found out exactly what was going on. 

**** 

Finn was on cross-ties. Abbey bent at his side using a pick to clean his hoof in a way that afforded Jed a nice view of her delectable round bottom in the skin tight jodhpurs. His hands clenched at his sides as he fought the urge to step forward and slide his palms over it for a squeeze. God how he loved those tight fitting pants. 

"Do you have any idea what kind of world class ass you have, Mrs. Bartlet?" 

Dropping Finn's leg, Abbey turned with surprise. Jed in jeans, a dark blue cable knit sweater, and a denim jacket leaned against a stall grinning at her, his head tilted to the side, looking like an older version of James Dean. She shook her head at him, air escaping between her lips on a low whistle. "God, you're a sexy devil." 

His brow lifted. "I was about to say the same about you." 

"Me?" She reached up a hand to touch her loose ponytail. "I'm a mess." 

"Yes, you are and you're still gorgeous as all get out." Tendrils of hair escaped from her ponytail, the dampness of the fog curling them against her jaw. There was a smudge of dirt on her nose and her cheeks were red from the cold. She was both sexy AND adorable. 

"Did you come down here to seduce me?" 

It wouldn't be the first time. She and Jed had quite a history of romps in the hay. 

"I'm never adverse to seduction." 

"Well, you should be today. I smell like horse and I'm sweaty and dirty." 

"Oh, now you're just making me even hotter." He stepped toward her, resting a hand on Finnegan's neck for a pat. She narrowed her eyes at him. 

"Relax," he laughed. "I didn't come down here to toss up your skirts for a roll in the hay." 

"That would be rather difficult since I'm wearing pants." 

"Figure of speech, my literal little scientist." His finger trailed over the bridge of her nose, then traced over her soft lips. Inhaling the distinctive scent of horse and sweet hay, Jed's demeanor sobered quickly, the teasing banter vanishing. "I came down here to find out what the hell I missed yesterday." 

Abbey grabbed a brush and began running it over Finn's withers to rid him of the caked on mud. 

"Abbey?" 

"I heard you. I'm just trying to figure out how to tell you this." 

His heart gave an extra beat. "It's serious then?" 

"About as serious as it can get." 

Fear snaked down his spine. "Is Lizzie sick?" 

Abbey stopped brushing the horse, looked up to see the fear blazing in her husband's eyes. "Oh, baby, no," she reached out to close a hand over his wrist. "Nobody is sick." 

He nodded, relief flooding him. "What is it then? Elizabeth wasn't herself yesterday but when I questioned her she kept saying she was fine." 

"She isn't fine, Jed." Abbey's eyes moved from the barn floor to lock with his. "Doug had an affair." She held her breath waiting for the explosion, but while Jed's grip tightened on her arm and his face hardened he did not ignite the way she'd suspected he would. 

Finally, he spoke. "Is she sure? Rumors are always flying about famous people especially politicians and–" 

"She found them in bed together," Abbey said flatly. "Doug, and the kids' nanny. He was sleeping with her while Elizabeth was with Zoey and all the children in Maine." 

Jed's face turned a dangerous shade of red. "He FUCKED the nanny?" Incredulity warred with rage. "The son of a bitch fucked his kids' NANNY?!" 

"Jed." Abbey reached for him as he broke away. 

"No, no. This is fucking unbelievable." His fist came up at the same time he turned to the wall. 

"Don't you dare break your hand on that wall, Jed," she snapped. "He isn't worth it." 

Abbey's stern voice brought back a measure of sanity and instead Jed kicked at a bale of hay once, then twice, then turned back to face her. 

"I want you to know that wasn't nearly as satisfying as punching the wall would have been." 

"Yeah, well it saved us a trip to the emergency room." 

"The person I really want to punch is Doug 'I can't keep my cock in my pants' Westin." 

"I know," Abbey commiserated. "Ever since Elizabeth told me what he did I've had fantasies of castrating the miserable son of bitch. I had to settle for an elbow to the balls during our football game." 

"Ahh...I'd wondered about that. Good shot." He sat on the bale of hay he'd kicked, rubbed his hands over his face. When he looked again at Abbey, the fiery rage had left his eyes leaving behind something far more heartbreaking – a stark, bewildered pain. 

"How, Abbey?" he asked. "How did this happen?" 

She sat next to him on the hay bale, wrapped an arm about his waist and told him exactly what Elizabeth had told her. By the time she'd finished, anger again mingled with confusion and pain, just the way she had felt when she heard it all the first time. 

"I just...I don't understand WHY, Abbey. Elizabeth is a beautiful young woman." 

"Yes, she is. But, he didn't cheat on her because he found somebody prettier. He cheated on her because he found somebody weaker; somebody who made him feel more like a man." Bitterness seeped into Abbey's words. "Doug needs Elizabeth's strength and intelligence and purpose to make his way in the world, but he's also a weak little man who found a dependent, needy, bimbo who stroked his ego and told him how great and strong and smart he is." 

Jed's lips twisted wryly. "You tell me I'm great and strong and smart." 

"Sometimes I do, but I'm not a dependent, needy, bimbo. And, I also tell you when you're being a foolish jackass." 

"That you do. I can't imagine WHY any man would want a weak, simpering, manipulative woman like that." 

Now it was Abbey's turn for a wry smile. "Ask my brother. Ask John Hoynes. Hell, ask half the men in Washington. We've come a long way but not every man likes or can handle a strong, independent, intelligent woman who can stand on her own two feet. Not every man is strong and secure enough in his own power and masculinity and intelligence to want a woman who is his equal. Not every man is you." Her smile softened and she reached out to run a hand over his cheek. "And while we're on the subject, have I told you lately just how much I appreciate you?" 

"Me?" 

"Yes, you. Your love, your honesty, your respect, your loyalty...your fidelity," Wrapping her arms around his neck, she buried her face against his shoulder. 

"Hey, what's all this?" He pulled back, tilted her chin up to look into her wet lashed eyes. 

"Just what I said. I kept putting myself in Elizabeth's place, wondering how I would be able to stand it – how SHE can stand it, and I'm so grateful to have to you, to know that even in a place like Washington, I can trust you. Because I don't think I could live with it if you ever slept with another woman. Something inside me would die." 

He swallowed at the pain that shimmered in her brilliant emerald eyes. "Well then it's a good thing you'll never have to live with that." The pad of his thumb slipped over her full bottom lip, cerulean eyes shining with sincerity. "I've never wanted anyone but you, Abbey, never." 

This was why he hated adultery. It hurt people deep down to the core, eating away at love and trust and self-esteem and leaving a devastating aftermath of destruction in its wake. 

"Has she called Pat yet? We're going to want to try to keep this as much under wraps as we can. Divorce is hard enough on kids and we–" 

"They aren't getting a divorce." 

Jed couldn't believe his ears. "Pardon me?" 

"I said they aren't getting a divorce, at least not now. Elizabeth decided to give him another chance. They're in marriage counseling." 

"You've got to be KIDDING me. What the hell is she thinking? We didn't raise her to allow herself to be treated like this." 

"No, we didn't. But she's thinking that she has two children who need a father and we DID raise her to believe that you don't cut and run on a marriage at the first sign of trouble." 

"This is more than a SIGN of trouble, Abbey. For the love of GOD, he was lying to her day in and day out while he SCREWED another woman in her own HOME. Don't tell me you think she should stay with him." 

"Actually, I don't. I think Elizabeth has been unhappy in her marriage for some time now and I don't see that getting any better. But, it's not my decision to make, and it's not YOURS – it's Elizabeth's. It's her marriage and she's the one that ultimately has to live with all of this." 

"How can she?" Jed shook his head sadly. "Sweet Jesus, I know I couldn't live with it." 

"I know exactly where you're coming from, but we can't think like that, Jed. I was doing the same thing, putting myself in her position, but we have to take ourselves out of it. We aren't Elizabeth and Doug; their marriage is not ours. Maybe she can live with it more easily because..." 

"Because what?" 

"I hate to say it." 

"Abbey, say it." 

"Oh, all right. Maybe she can live with it more easily because she loves him less. I'm not saying she doesn't love him or that her pain and grief aren't incredibly intense; but there's a part of her that is detached and it wouldn't be that way if her love for him were all consuming. Who knows maybe that's what will get them through things." 

He was skeptical. Love was what held you together, not the lack of it. "Do you really believe that?" 

She let out her breath on a sigh. "No, no, I don't. Lord knows I'm no expert on the subject, but I'd imagine that for a couple to survive something like this there would have to be a strong basis of love and respect." 

Jed snorted. "If Doug had real respect for Liz, he wouldn't have screwed Inga." 

"Astrid." 

"What?" 

"Her name was Astrid, not Inga." 

"Whatever. A man who truly loves and respects his wife would not hurt her that way. A man who truly loves his children would not chance destroying his family that way." 

"I agree with you. Like I said, I think that even if they weather this, Elizabeth will be miserable. But I do understand why she's fighting so hard. She wants a family, Jed. She wants what she had growing up for her own children." 

"She'll never have that, Abbey, not with him. She had two parents who were not just living together but deeply in love and respectful of each other. Two parents who were equals in every way." 

Abbey nodded. "I think that deep down she knows that, but she's trying, Jed; and we have to support her. As much as we'd both like to sic the seventh fleet on Doug, we have to respect her decision." 

"Screw the seventh fleet, I'd like to sink my own fist into his face." 

"Yeah, it's comments like those we want to avoid. At least with Elizabeth. With me, feel free to vent away, I may do a bit of it myself. It makes me sick to be in the same room with the prick." 

"That was pretty evident. I saw you back away from him like he had the plague. Nice to know I'm not the only one who has to hold my tongue." He stood, shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans, his shoulders slumping forward. Suddenly he looked older and wearier than the man who had been leaning against the stall boyishly leering at her less than half an hour ago. A father in pain had replaced that boy. "How long have you known?" he asked. 

"Just since yesterday." 

"Why didn't she tell us both?" 

"She didn't even plan to tell ME, at least not when she did. She got upset over something Ellie said about Sam's mother and when I went to question her about it she broke down and told me everything." 

"You could have brought me in on things." 

Abbey shook her head negatively. "She's hurt. She's humiliated. She's embarrassed. She's feeling very vulnerable as a woman and she needed her mother's shoulder to cry on. And, well, she was afraid." 

Jed's eyes widened in horror. "Of me? She was afraid of ME?" 

"Not of you – of your reaction. Think about it. Your first inclination was to put your fist through the damn wall. If we'd told you yesterday, that wall might have been Doug's face and she didn't want that." 

About to argue, Jed bit his tongue. As much as he'd like to deny it, his women were probably right. He might not have been able to control his temper when it came to Doug hurting Elizabeth. 

"She knows your telling me about this?" 

"Of course. I wouldn't go behind her back." 

"I want to talk to her." Before Abbey could protest he held up a hand. "Not in person. I know that might be too much for her. But, I want to call her before we leave for Washington." 

"No recriminations?" 

"No, no recriminations. I just want her to know that I love her." His eyes welled with tears that he blinked away. Abbey saw them anyway and reached out to squeeze his hand. "I want her to know that she has more than just her mother's support. That we're both behind her, no matter what." 

"Even if she ends up sticking it out with Doug?" 

Jed ground his teeth, fighting a sneer. "Yes, even if she sticks it out with him. But that doesn't mean I don't have a few words for that little worm, not now though. I'm too angry with him right now." 

"A little tip. Referring to Doug as a little worm might not go over too well." 

He smiled, lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it. "I'm going to go call her. I love you, sweet thing." 

She tiptoed to kiss his cheek, watched him start to leave the barn. "I love you more." 

He turned back, gave her a wink, suddenly the boyish little devil again. "Not a chance, babe." 

**** 

"You don't have ANYTHING to be ashamed about, sweetheart." On the phone with Elizabeth, Jed ran his fingers through his hair with frustration. "Doug is the one who has shamed himself." 

"I know," Elizabeth sniffed. Her father's compassion had been her undoing and she'd been in tears throughout their conversation. "I didn't want any of this to touch you and Mom." 

"Of course it touches us. You're our DAUGHTER, our flesh and blood. This does more than touch us, Elizabeth; it cuts us very deeply because we love you and because you're hurting and because there is nothing that we can do to help you other than to offer our love and support and shoulders to cry on." 

Elizabeth's voice hitched on a sob. "That means more to me than you can know. I know you and Mom don't think I'm doing the right thing, but I can't tell you how grateful I am for your support. I've felt so all alone." 

"You're not alone, baby girl. You're never alone. We're always here for you. And as for your mother and I, we just don't want to see you hurt again." 

"I know, and I appreciate that. And, Dad, thanks not saying 'I told you so'." 

"Why would I do that?" 

"You didn't want me to marry Doug. You didn't think he was good enough for me, and you were probably right; but thank you for not throwing that back at me." 

"Oh, Lizzie." He sighed, leaned back against the comfort of his leather chair. "Hearing that is about the last thing you need right now. You know how I feel about him. You know how I feel about what he's done, what kind of man he is. I don't need to beat you over the head with it. My love for you is far stronger than whatever feelings I have for him. Please know that I'm just a phone call away and whatever decision you make, your mother and I will be behind you helping in whatever way we can. And, if you ever want the seventh fleet–" 

She laughed. "Thank you, Daddy. I love you." 

"I love you too, Lizzie B. Give Annie and Gus a hug for me." 

"I will." 

Entering the library just as Jed hung up, Abbey leaned over the back of his chair, ran her palms over his chest and kissed the top of his head. 

"Hard conversation?" 

"One of the hardest." 

"Do you feel better?" She maneuvered around the chair and sat down on his lap, resting her head against his shoulder. 

"I do." His hand lifted to twirl a strand of long cinnamon hair around his fingers. 

"The twins are doing a puzzle with Zoey and Leo. Would you just hold me for a little while." 

He nuzzled into her hair, pressed a soft kiss to her temple. "I can't think of anything I'd rather do." 


	27. Altered Lives

A bright winter sun was shining through the tall windows of the oval room warming the lemon colored walls and pristine white trim to make it even more cheerful and inviting. The formal Yellow Room located just off the living room of the Residence was the room the President and First Lady like to use for entertaining and for interviews. It was December now and a huge twelve foot balsam fir tree laden with glittering ornaments and flickering lights dominated one corner of the room. Green garland graced the elegant fireplace and pretty wreaths decorated the walls. There was nothing more beautiful than the White House at Christmas. 

Glancing up from the white silk Queen Anne chair where she sat, slender legs elegantly crossed, in the midst of an interview with a reporter from _Ladies Home Journal_ , Abbey frowned. Leann had quietly entered the room and bent down to speak to Amy. Now with a soft sigh, Amy was rising to her feet to approach her. She paused first next to the journalist. 

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt but I need to speak with the First Lady for a moment." 

"Yes, of course." Tasha Landry's journalistic interest was peaked as she watched Abigail Bartlet rise to her feet and step out of the earshot of both her and the photographer she had brought with her to do the First Lady photo shoot. 

Worried lines creased Abbey's brow. An interruption during the middle of meeting or interview could only mean a situation involving her children, her husband or national security. Those were the instances her staff knew to come to her directly. 

"What's going on, Amy?" she asked. 

"Leann just got a call from the school. Nicholas is sick and the nurse would like to speak with you." 

"He was okay, this morning, a little quiet, but– Did she say what was wrong?" 

"I don't know, ma'am. She just asked to speak with you." 

"Yes, okay." 

Abbey turned to the reporter whose eyes were now alight with the idea that she might be able to turn a puff piece on the First Lady and First Family Christmas traditions into a real news story. Her original intent had been to do a story about the First Lady's renewed interest in getting a bill passed to combat violence against women and children, but it was Christmas and her editors had other ideas. They insisted instead on a focus on the Bartlet family and the way they spent the holiday. America just couldn't seem to get enough of the Bartlets and magazine covers that included Abbey Bartlet, especially with her children, flew off the racks in a way that hadn't happened since the Princess Diana era. 

But, now she wondered if maybe she could turn this into something more; who knew, maybe she was sitting right here in the White House during some kind of crisis. Thoughts of a Pulitizer danced in her head only to be pushed into the background when Abbey spoke. 

"I'm sorry, Tasha. I need to take a phone call." 

"Of course. By all means." 

Not wanting to take the call in front of the reporter, Abbey stepped out to take it in the living room. 

"Hello, this is Abigail Bartlet." 

"Hello, Mrs. Bartlet, I'm terribly sorry to disturb you, I know you're a busy woman but you did state that in matters regarding the children you wanted to be phoned directly." 

Abbey could hear Nicholas crying in the background. The sobbing pleas of "I want my mommy" were like knife barbs to her chest. 

"Yes, of course I did. What's wrong with my son?" 

"I'm afraid Nicholas isn't feeling very well. He's been a bit lethargic this morning and his teacher brought him down for me to check out thinking he might have a fever. She was right. His temperature is 102.9 and he's developed a nasty cough. I'm afraid he's coming down with the flu. It's been going around." 

"That's what it sounds like." Abbey glanced at her watch estimating how long it would take for her to get there. 

"He's a pretty miserable little boy right now." 

"I can hear that. I'll be right down to get him. I'll take Aislinn while I'm there. So if you'd have her ready to go too I'd appreciate it." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

"May I speak with Nicholas for a moment." 

"I'm sure he'd like that." 

Abbey heard sniffling and hiccuping sobs and a long drawn out "MaaaMaaa". He did sound miserable and terribly pathetic in a way that had her heartstrings pulled taut. 

"Hey Nicky. I'm right here, sweetheart. I hear you don't feel so well." 

"Wanna go h...h...home." 

"I know you do. Mommy is coming right down to get you. You sit back and relax and listen to the nurse and I'll be there in a jiffy." 

"You coming, Mommy?" 

"Yes, buddy. I'm on my way. I love you." She hung up and turned to Amy. 

"You're going to get him." It wasn't a question Amy posed. 

"Yes, I am. When children are sick they want their mothers." A quick turn of the head found her secretary standing expectantly by the doorway awaiting her orders. "Leann, could you please get my coat and tell Anita to have a car brought around. I'll be going to the IHM pre-school to get Nicholas and Aislinn, so make sure they have the car seats." Then she glanced back over her shoulder at Amy. "Would you please make my apologies to Tasha. I'd say we could reschedule but if it's the flu, chances are I might be a few days. What one gets the other the other usually ends up with as well." 

"Do you think Izzy could..." Amy trailed off at the stern look of disapproval that tightened Abbey's features. "No, I didn't think so." Amy's shoulders lifted in a silent sigh. Being the Chief of Staff for a working mother was not easy, especially since Amy didn't have children of her own and didn't understand the pull and conflict and prioritizing. She did, however, admire Abbey for laying it all out honestly right from the start, and for being a good mother. Abbey Bartlet's children came first, period. Her staff worked around that and Amy knew that if she had a problem with the First Lady's priorities, she would have to find another job. Abbey didn't mess around and Amy respected that. Having spent years lobbying and fighting to help women, including working mothers, she was now able to see first hand just how difficult things could be for them. 

Distracted with the thought of her sick child, Abbey slipped into the long plum colored wool coat Leann brought to her. 

"You'll have to cancel my afternoon meetings," she told Amy. 

"Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it. You just take care of Nicholas. I think Tasha was winding up the interview anyway and since they already did the photo shoot, I'll just tell her to give us a call if she has any follow up questions. She has enough for the article." 

Abbey grabbed her purse, slung the strap up over her shoulder. "Thanks, Amy. I'll call you later." 

**** 

It was late by the time Jed was able to get back to the Residence. Earlier in the day he'd gotten a call from Abbey to say that Nicholas had come home sick, but between the hectic schedule that Christmas brought about and all the endless meetings and briefings about his upcoming summit trip to China, he hadn't even had time to make it home for supper, much less check on his son. His plan was to rectify that now. 

Peering into the nursery, his eyes first set on Aislinn finding her all ready for bed in a pink and lavender Disney princess nightgown. She was sitting on the plush carpeted floor in front of her open dollhouse with Isabelle, the two so busy rearranging the miniscule furniture they didn't notice him enter. It was Panda's little bark of greeting that alerted his daughter to his presence. 

"Hi Daddy." She beamed that special megawatt Aislinn smile at him – a dimpled smile that sparkled in her eyes and lit up her face, never failing to warm his heart and make him glad to be home. 

"Hi, sunshine." He dropped a kiss to the top of her head, scratched the little dog that sat at her side behind the ears and cast a puzzled look around the room. "Where's your brother?" 

"With Mommy and the doctor. Nicky's sick. He throwed up EVERYWHERE. Even on Mommy and Panda. It was YUCKY." 

Jed winced. "I'm sure it was." Poor Abbey. She must have had a hell of a day. 

"Abbey's in your bedroom with Nicholas and Admiral Hackett," Isabelle said. "I'm trying to keep Miss Aislinn here occupied and out of range." 

Admiral Hackett? Was Nicky really that sick? Being a doctor, Abbey was usually pretty confident in caring for their sick kids when it came to colds and flus. 

"Daddy, you wanna play with me?" 

"Uh, uh, little miss," Izzy wagged a finger at her. "I told you a couple more minutes and then it was bedtime." 

"But my daddy just got home, Izzy. He didn't get to play with me." 

"And I'm sorry about that, sweetheart," Jed said. "But, tell you what. You let me go check on Nicholas and by then Izzy will have you all tucked in and I'll read you a story." 

"This story?" Aislinn scrambled over to pick up the large thick anthology of children's Christmas classics. There were twenty-five stories and it was a Bartlet tradition to read each one of those stories every night up until Christmas, culminating on Christmas Eve with the story of the nativity and _'Twas the Night Before Christmas_. 

"Yes, we'll read a story from your book." 

"Mommy skipped one last night. She said it's your turn to read it." 

"Let me guess. _The Little Match Girl_?" 

Aislinn nodded, big eyes pooling with a look of suffering. "It's so SAD, Daddy," she sighed tragically. "That poor, poor little girl. Mommy didn't wanna read it cause it makes her choke." 

Jed smiled tenderly, tucked a blond curl behind her tiny ear. "It makes Mommy get choked up." 

"Yup, choked up." 

Truth was, Jed was hard pressed to make it through that one without a prickle of tears himself. The story of the poor little orphan girl wandering shoeless through the cold winter streets peering enviously into brightly lit homes where families sat in front of Christmas trees laughing and opening gifts and dining around tables laden with holiday feasts was enough to break the hardest of hearts. 

Both he and Abbey tried every year to get out of reading the story – neither finding it particularly uplifting at any time, especially at Christmas, even if the little girl did get to go to heaven where she'd never suffer again. The idea of a child freezing to death on Christmas Eve was simply horrifying to both of them. But, even promises to read one of the other stories twice to make the twenty-five days had not worked. From Elizabeth down to Nicholas, the children had been adamant that all stories would be read. As the girls had gotten older, they had even made bets with one another over whether their mother could make it through the story without tears, or their dad without taking suspiciously long pauses. To this date, it had not happened. 

So, he would read Aislinn _The Little Match Girl_ , use it as a lesson to explain poverty and the need to help our fellow man and assure her that in this country children were no longer allowed to starve and freeze to death anymore. Then he would read her a happier more uplifting story. There was more than enough time for his little girl to learn about all the tragedy and horrible things that went on in the world, but right now he would much rather have the image of sugar plum fairies dancing in her young innocent head than a sad, freezing, forgotten little girl dying in an alley while the rest of the world celebrated the holiday. 

**** 

Abbey was in the bedroom seated in a straight-backed chair with Nicholas on her lap. Clearly, the boy was adverse to whatever was being done to him, for as Jed entered the room he was fighting and turning to bury his face into his mother's breasts while Admiral Hackett kneeled before them. 

"Nicholas, honey, stop," Abbey soothed. "This isn't going to hurt you. It isn't like a shot. It might make you cough but it isn't going to hurt you." 

"See?" The admiral lifted a long swab in front of Nicky's face. "No needle. I just need to tickle your throat with this really quickly and we'll be done." 

Nicky's fever glazed eyes were wide with apprehension and he gave a deep, harsh, wet cough that convulsed his whole body. 

"Want me to go first, sport?" Jed asked. 

The confidence and smile on his father's face went a long way toward easing the little boy's fears and Abbey felt some of the tension leave Nicky's fiercely clenched muscles as his coughing fit ended and he relaxed against her. 

"Yes. Do my daddy first," he rasped. 

Hackett had to bite his lip to keep it from curving into a smile. He'd had to swab the President's throat before and the man HATED it, did everything he could to get out of it. Now, to ease the fears of his child, he was willing to do it without any prompting. 

Knowing as well as Hackett how much Jed despised throat swabs, Abbey reached a hand out to gently squeeze his bicep. Jed's muscles tightened and released against her hand as he fought tooth and nail the urge to gag while Hackett swabbed his tonsils. 

"See?" Still swallowing against the need to gag, Jed forced a smile at his boy. "That wasn't so bad. Do you think you can do it now?" 

Clutching Tigger tightly to his chest, Nicholas solemnly nodded. 

With his mother gently stroking his hair and murmuring his bravery into his ear and his father's hand warm over his knee, Nicholas allowed the admiral to get his swab. 

"See, like Daddy said, that wasn't so bad. You're a brave, brave boy. Would you like a Popsicle?" Abbey was having a hell of a time keeping him hydrated. 

A weak negative shake of his head told Jed his son must be really sick. Nicholas never turned down a Popsicle. 

"What are we swabbing for?" Jed asked. 

"Just ruling out strep throat," Abbey said. "The school nurse told me there have been a couple of cases at the school, but the flu has also been going around." 

"I didn't see any indication of strep," Hackett said. "But, it's better to be safe." 

Jed's gaze met Abbey's. Both knew what was being left unsaid. Safer not only for Nicholas but for him as well. A case of strep could wreak havoc with his M.S. and the sooner Nicholas would be treated if he had it, the better. They watched Hackett leave, then Abbey stood with their son wrapped around her like a little monkey clinging to his mama. 

"I'm going to see if I can get him to keep a little ginger ale down," she said. 

"While you do that, I'll go back to the nursery. I promised Aislinn a story." 

"She was hoping you'd make it home in time." 

"And you too?" 

"Me?" 

"Yes, she told me you skipped _Little Match Girl_ and left it for me." 

Abbey tsked. "That little tattle tale." 

"Yeah, thanks so much." 

"Well, it is your turn, after all. Might as well get it over with." 

"Might as well." With a melodramatic sigh that had Abbey chuckling, he set off for the nursery. 

**** 

It was just after midnight when Jed returned to the Residence after an overseas call to Beijing with the U.S. ambassador to China. He was immediately concerned when he saw light coming from under the nursery door and upon his approach, he heard muffled voices. When he'd left around eleven, the children were sleeping and Abbey was reading in a chair by their beds, a book light attached to her novel. The scene now was far different from that earlier serenity. Abbey was sitting on the edge of Nicky's bed with him curled in her lap as she rocked him to and fro. Clinging to her baby doll, Aislinn stood by the bed watching. Sounding like she was on the verge of tears, Jed heard her pronounce. 

"I don't LIKE that sound Nicky's making, Mommy. It scares me." 

Indeed, it was an awful noise. Nicholas sounded like a seal barking – his horrible deep barking coughs interspersed with terrible wheezing as he choked and fought to draw in a breath between spasms. 

"It's okay, it's okay, baby." Abbey rocked and soothed her panicked son. He was clutching at her nightgown frightened by the effort it was taking him to breathe. When the coughing spasm ended, her attention moved to her scared daughter. "Nicky's going to be fine, Aislinn." Her tone remained even, measured, calm...above all calm. But Jed heard the tiny quiver, the slight wavering that told him just how on edge she was. 

"Come on, Aislinn. Let's get you tucked back up in bed," Isabelle said. "Let your mother take care of Nicholas." 

"No, I'm NOT going to bed." Aislinn stomped. 

"Aislinn, you listen to Isabelle." 

Her father's stern voice had Aislinn rounding to face him. Racing to him, she threw her arms around his legs. "I don't LIKE this, Daddy. Nicky's REALLY sick. Mommy said he can't BREATHE." 

"Honey, I said he was having trouble breathing," Abbey said. "There's a big difference." 

Feeling badly that he'd snapped at the child, Jed softened at her obvious fear for her brother. "Your mom is right. Nicholas is going to be fine. Mommy's a doctor, remember? She'll know what to do for him. Now, you go lay down with Izzy." 

While Aislinn was led off by the nanny, Jed approached Abbey with a worried frown. With his coughing fit subsiding, Abbey had laid Nicholas back on the bed and was listening to his chest with her stethoscope. Watching her, Jed reached out to touch his son's flushed cheek. His eyes widened with shock. 

"He's burning up!" he exclaimed. 

"I know, the flu has settled in his chest. Croup." She shook her head. "God, I hate croup." 

Nicky choked, fighting for air and Jed rapidly concurred. Lifting the child to a sitting position and watching him struggle to breathe, hearing the pain in his hacking cough, the whimpers he made when it was over, and seeing the panic flashing in his big blue eyes, created a real physical pain in Jed. Wanting to help and being unable was one of the worst tortures of parenthood. 

"What can we do?" Jed asked. "You want me to start the shower?" 

"Jed, you go to bed. You have to be up at dawn tomorrow. Izzy and I can handle this." 

Jed looked at her like she had two heads. "I'm not leaving you guys like this." 

"Don't go, Daddy." Nicholas reached out a limp hand toward his father. Jed took it, squeezed it reassuringly. 

"I'm not going anywhere, partner." 

A glance up at her husband showed Abbey his stubborn resolve. There would be no changing his mind. 

"Okay, get the shower going, then once we've relieved the swelling in the air passages, we'll give him an alcohol rub and some more Tylenol to bring the fever down." 

Relieved to be doing something proactive, something to help, Jed went into the kids' bathroom and turned the hot water on full force. 

**** 

The children's bathroom was far smaller than Jed and Abbey's in the master suite and the only place to sit was on top of the covered toilet. The floor was not an option as stream rose and Nicholas needed the warm steam to ease the rawness in his air passages. So, Jed sat with Abbey on his lap and Nicholas on her lap. In an effort to comfort the sick child, Abbey swayed gently, crooning lullabies in her pretty, soothing, voice. 

Perspiration drenched their clothes, dripped down their faces, backs, and chests, but the steam seemed to be working. Nicky was breathing with much greater ease and without the panic of having to fight for air, his hoarse coughs had subsided as well. Because of his high fever, Abbey didn't want him in the hot steam too long and as soon as his coughing had abated, she shut off the shower and filled the tub with tepid water. Stripping Nicholas out of his underwear, the only clothes he wore, she quickly bathed him in the cool water. Quickly, because being in the colder water made him shiver and cry and she was afraid that would undo all the good the steam had done. 

"Wanna get out," he moaned while squirming and weakly fighting his mother. "Wanna get out." 

"I know, I know, sweetheart." Abbey squeezed a towel of cool water over his head that had him yelping and quickly lifted him from the bathtub and into the towel Jed held open for him. In spite of the fact that his lips were trembling and his teeth chattering, Nicky's face still felt hot to Jed. Information he quickly passed on to Abbey. 

Brushing a professional but gentle hand over the boy's forehead and cheeks, Abbey told Jed to give him a dose of the children's Tylenol while she went out to get the rubbing alcohol from the bedside. She'd already given him one alcohol rubdown, which had briefly helped. 

After adding a touch more camphor to the cool mist humidifier, she had turned on earlier and grabbing a fresh pair of underpants for her son, she quickly returned to the bathroom ready to get back to business. 

A soft, loving smile brought out the dimple in her cheek as she paused to look at her guys. Jed, hair plastered to his forehead with perspiration, wearily leaned back against the toilet tank. A naked Nicholas was curled up in the fetal position against his broad chest sucking his thumb. Along with wet spots from perspiration and from Nicky's running nose, there were orange stains on Jed's dress shirt attesting to the difficulty he'd had giving Nicholas his medicine. Seeing Jed like this reminded her of when the twins were newborns and she was nursing them, her breasts leaking and leaving milky wet spots on her shirts and nightwear, spit up stains marring her chest and shoulders, and her hair tangled from sticky, clutching fingers. Lived in, she'd felt lived in, and that was exactly how Jed looked right now. 

Touching the stains gently, still smiling, she asked, "Did you get any into him at all?" 

"Finally," Jed sighed, "it was a struggle. Did you get the alcohol?" 

Abbey lifted it to show him and the two began rubbing the child down, their hearts aching at his feeble rasping protests and pitiful whimpers. 

"This is it, sweetheart," Abbey promised as she slipped clean underwear over Nicky's hips. "Now, Mommy's going to rock you and you can go to sleep." 

While Abbey changed into a new clean nightgown and settled in the comfortable glider/rocker that he had given her while she was pregnant with the twins, Jed went to check on Aislinn whose eyes now blinked heavily at him. 

"Is Nicky better, Daddy?" she asked, more asleep than awake. 

"Nicky is doing just fine, baby girl. You go to sleep and let your mom and me worry about your brother, okay?" 

She yawned and rolled to her side snuggling up to Oliver who was sleeping curled next to her. "Okay, Daddy." 

He bent to kiss her cheek then turned to Abbey. 

"IS Nicky better?" he asked softly. It certainly sounded so; his coughs were still hoarse and deep but were no longer uncontrollable and accompanied by the panic of not being able to get in enough air. 

"I think so." Abbey murmured against the top of Nicky's head where she had been nuzzling the boy. "His skin feels cooler. Why don't you slip that thermometer under his arm." 

Jed did as told, waited for the beep then glanced down with relief. "102.1" he said. 

Abbey joined him in relief. "The fever still hasn't broken, but it's responding to the Tylenol and cool rubdowns. That's a good sign." 

Jed nodded and sat back on his son's bed watching Abbey rock Nicholas. She sang softly to him while he wheezed, patted his back comfortingly when he coughed. It brought back memories of the nights he'd spent in this very spot watching her nurse him and rock him to sleep as baby. Nights in which they bonded as a family. 

"Jed." Abbey's voice was husky and tired. "He's fine now. Please go and get some sleep." 

"You going to sleep in here tonight?" 

She nodded. "I want to know if he has anymore breathing issues and I don't want him waking up scared." 

"You'll wake me if there are any problems." 

"Yes." 

"Abbey." His firm gaze met hers. 

"Yes, Jed. I promise I will wake you up if anything happens." 

"Okay then." He kissed the top of her head, then Nicky's and headed off to bed. Abbey's soft melodious voice followed him down the hall. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "He's got the sun and the rain in His hands,   
> He's got the moon and the stars in His hands,   
> He's got the wind and the clouds in His hands,   
> He's got the whole world in His hands. 
> 
> He's got the rivers and the mountains in His hands,   
> He's got the oceans and the seas in His hands,   
> He's got you and he's got me in His hands,   
> He's got the whole world in His hands. 
> 
> He's got everybody here in His hands,   
> He's got everybody there in His hands,   
> He's got everybody everywhere in His hands,   
> He's got the whole world in His hands."

**** 

Abbey woke to the sun shining warmly on her cheek. It had been a long night up and down with Nicholas and it was late. Cracking an eye, she saw that Isabelle had opened the drapes before taking Aislinn off for breakfast. Her attention immediately went to her son. His face was tucked up under her chin, his lips damp against her throat. She inhaled his little boy scent knowing that she would recognize him by that scent anywhere – flesh of her flesh, bone of her bone. 

During the night Nicky's fever had abated a bit and his breathing now sounded more like a whistle than a harsh wheeze. She reached out a hand out running her fingertips gently up and down his knobby spine. He pulled back from her chest and looked up at her with sleepy, blinking eyes that she was happy to note had lost their fevered glaze. 

"Mama?" he croaked. 

Smiling, she brushed his fair hair back off his forehead and kissed him there. "Morning, sleepyhead. You ready to get up and have some breakfast?" 

"Can I have ice cream?" 

She chuckled. "Ice cream, huh? Sounds like someone is feeling better." She sat up and stretched her cramped muscles, giving a slight groan as she did so. A night spent on a small twin bed with one arm holding her son and her legs scrunched up because Panda always slept at the foot of Nicky's bed, was not conducive to a restful night's sleep. 

Nicholas sat up when his mother climbed out of bed, the exertion causing him to cough harshly. Abbey's head snapped around, but instead of having to gasp for air, it was just a normal cough and he was quickly grinning at her again as he reached for his stuffed Tigger so he could sit back against the pillows and watch her root around in his dresser for clothes. He sniffed and uttered a protest when she pulled out clean underwear. 

"I don't want those, Mommy. I want Spiderman today." 

Abbey looked down at the little boy briefs dotted with firetrucks that she held in her hand and put them back in the drawer to search for the Spiderman underwear he wanted. Once found, she set them aside, pulled out a pair of comfy sweatpants then turned to him with a choice of sweatshirts. 

"You want to pick one?" she asked. 

He nodded and pointed to the dark blue and gold one she held in her right hand. "I want Notre Dame." 

"Of course you do," she gave a quick peal of laughter. "You are your father's son." 

Bringing the clothes over to the bed, she took his temperature, found he was still running a low grade fever, gave him another dose of Tylenol, then helped him to dress. 

"Mommy," Aislinn entered the nursery carrying her cat over her shoulder with Max plodding dutifully behind them. "Daddy came back to have breakfast with me and he said you're staying home with us today 'cause Nicky's sick." 

"Your daddy is right." In the early dawn hour, Jed had peeked into the room to check on them all before leaving for work and only half-asleep, keeping one ear open for Nicky, Abbey heard him and had told him of her plans. 

"All day?" 

"Yes, my little buttercup, all day. Now be careful with Oliver." 

"Mommy," Aislinn drew out the word and looked at her as if she were a little addled. "Oliber LOVES it when I carry him. He LIKES to be my baby." 

Abbey wasn't so sure about that, but the little tortoiseshell kitty had the patience of a saint allowing Aislinn to dress him in doll clothes and push him around the halls of the White House Residence in a doll carriage. 

Aislinn hopped up on the bed and laid her head against Abbey's arm. "I'm happy you're staying home with us." 

"Me too, baby girl." 

"Can we watch the _Upside Down Show_?" 

"Absolutely. In fact I have an idea that might be a lot of fun." 


	28. Altered Lives

  
Author's notes: You will find reference to the New England Patriot's quarterback Tom Brady in this chapter. While the character is based on THE Tom Brady, he is only partially that guy and partially a creation of my own. I had thought to change the name of the character to completely make him my own but thankfully was reminded that I've already had the Bartlets referencing New England's famous quarterback and thus decided to keep his name.  


* * *

"Any idea where I might find my wife and kids?" Having found the nursery, living room and his bedroom empty, Jed now turned to the experts – the agents. 

"Yes, sir. They're all up in the solarium." 

"Right. Thanks." 

He hopped on the elevator and took it to the top floor of the Residence. Striding out like a man on a mission, for he never simply walked anywhere, he stopped in his tracks. Abbey and the kids had had a heck of a day. 

Along with an oversized _Go Fish_ deck of cards, some tubs of Play-Doh and a puzzle of the United States, several board games were piled up on the play table. The television was on, tuned to Nickelodeon. Wooden TV trays held the remnants of their lunch – comfort food at its best – grilled cheese sandwiches and cream of tomato soup. The trays were shoved off to the side to make room for the sleeping bags that were laid out on the floor in front of the television. That was where he found his family – sound asleep. He held a hand up to stop the dogs from rising and waking them and stood over the trio with a tender smile creasing his face. They were curled up on top of the sleeping bags all wearing comfortable sweatpants and sweatshirts. Abbey lay in the middle with a child pressed up to each side of her body, small legs and arms draped over her. Silky strands of her long cinnamon hair trailed over the kids' cheeks. They were so beautiful – so beautiful and vulnerable – it made him ache inside with a deep and overwhelming love. 

Slipping out of his suit coat, he discarded his tie and stretched himself out behind Aislinn, ran his arm over the child and rested it on his wife's flat belly. Abbey stirred but it wasn't until that cold hand slipped under her sweatshirt to rest against her warm flesh that her eyes blinked sleepily open. 

"Mmm...What?" She pushed the hand away and looked around disoriented, finding herself face to face with her grinning husband. 

"Jed," she protested. "Your hand is cold." 

"I know, and you're nice and warm." He dipped his finger into her belly button. Abbey giggled and squirmed. 

"Come on, stop it." 

"Daddy, tickle me too." 

With surprise, Jed looked down to see his daughter's sea green eyes twinkling up at him. 

"Well, you asked for it." He tickled her until she was begging for mercy, her laughter waking Nicholas. Nicholas sneezed, sniffled, then rubbed his nose against Abbey's sweatshirt in a way that made her grimace. 

"You feeling better, Nick?" Jed asked. 

Nicholas nodded and rubbed his eyes with his knuckles before burying his face back into Abbey's ribcage. 

"Still not tip top, is he?" Jed asked Abbey. 

Brushing her fingers through the boy's soft, wheat-blond hair, she shook her head. "He's still feeling pretty crummy but he slept for a lot of the day which is really the best medicine for him." 

"We had a slumber party, Daddy," Aislinn said. 

"You did?" 

"We played _Hi-Ho Cherry-Oh_ 'n _Go Fish_ 'n made Play-Doh pets 'n Mommy read us lots of stories 'n we watched _Frosty the Snowman_. We even got to each lunch here. Mommy said it was a inside picnic." 

"Sounds like a pretty special day to me." 

"It was fun. Mommy, can we eat supper here too?" 

Abbey shrugged, cast a look at Jed. "What do you think, Daddy? You want to join our slumber party?" 

"I thought you'd never ask." Eagerly, he hopped to his feet. 

"Where you going?" Nicholas rasped. 

"I'm gonna go throw on some sweats too." 

"Put on Notre Dame like me." 

"What do you think, Abbey? You think I have a clean Notre Dame sweatshirt?" His teasing drew a roll of her eyes. "I guess that's a 'yes'." 

"You have lots of Notre Dame shirts," Nicholas reminded him. 

"That I do, son. That I do." 

"You wanna watch the _Grinch Stole Christmas_ with us?" Aislinn asked. 

"Whatever you guys want. I'll be right back." 

Abbey leaned back against the couch, cuddled her two children close and watched her husband dash off with the enthusiasm of a little boy. She wasn't sure how he'd finagled his way out of work early enough to have supper and spend the evening with them, but she was glad that he had. 

**** 

"Daddy." His name and the whimper that followed it woke Jed instantly. 3:07 a.m. Lifting an arm heavy with sleep, he flicked the switch on his bedside lamp. 

Tiny and delicate, blond curls framing her pale face, Aislinn stood rubbing the sleep from her eyes. 

"Hey, sunshine, what's wrong?" 

"Daddy, my tummy hurts." 

Before Jed could swing his legs over the side of the bed, Aislinn gave a soft cry, threw up on herself and burst into tears. 

"Oh, honey, it's okay. It's okay." Jumping quickly out of bed, he whisked her off to the bathroom. 

The light, and Jed's quick leap from the bed woke Abbey and hearing the gagging and crying coming from the bathroom she quickly took stock; her maternal instincts kicking into overdrive. Nicholas was sleeping at her side and after making sure that he hadn't woken, she climbed out of bed and padded over to the bathroom, her nose wrinkling at the vomit on the carpet. 

In the bathroom, Jed held Aislinn over the toilet – one hand holding her hair back, the other patting and rubbing her back while she threw up. His voice was low and soft as he murmured words of comfort. 

"Jed, she okay?" 

"Yeah, she feels a little warm, though not as hot as Nicholas did last night." 

"I had a feeling she'd end up with this bug. I'll take her temp when she's finished." 

"We're all set in here. Why don't you call housekeeping. She didn't quite make it to the bathroom the first time." 

"I saw." 

Jed continued to calm and soothe his crying daughter until finally he thought the retching was over. 

"You think you're all done, or do you think you might have to throw up some more?" 

Aislinn sniffled, hiccuped back a sob, her voice hitching. "I think I'm all done...I don't like to frow up." 

"I don't blame you, sweetness. I don't like throwing up either." He slipped her soiled nightgown up over her head and tossed it in the hamper. "It tastes pretty gross, doesn't it?" 

"It's GROSS," she agreed. 

Jed put a dab of toothpaste on his finger, ran it over her teeth and gums and had her rinse and spit. 

"Better?" he asked. She nodded. 

"Okay, then, time to get you cleaned up." 

She'd made a real mess of herself, even got some in her hair; the only alternative was a full shower. By the time she was clean, dried and powdered, the carpet had been cleaned and Abbey had returned from the nursery with fresh nightclothes and a thermometer. Sure enough, Aislinn was running a temp. The flu had claimed victim number two and she joined her parents and brother in the big queen sized bed. 

**** 

When Abbey next woke again, it was morning – Saturday morning to be precise. One of the few days Jed didn't have to be up at dawn. And yet he was gone. Her hand had found only cold sheet where once his warm body had lain. Sitting up and scanning the room, a smile warmed her face when she found her husband seated in a wingback chair with his bare feet propped up on a hassock, his head thrown back. He was snoring softly. Aislinn was nestled warmly in his arms under a throw and she too was soundly sleeping. 

Abbey rose, rubbed at the headache that had begun to softly pound behind her eyes and quietly approached the chair. Jed's baby blues blinked sleepily at her when she kissed his forehead. "Morning, sleepyhead," she grinned. 

"What time is it?" 

"Just after eight. You have plenty of time to get down to your briefing and make your radio address." 

"Mmm...." He stretched and ran a hand over Aislinn's curls. 

"I didn't hear you get up with her again. Was she vomiting?" 

"Dry heaves." 

"Poor little thing. You should have woke me." 

"There's nothing you could have done that I didn't do and you were up all night with Nicholas the night before. I didn't have to be up early." 

"I know, still–" 

"Besides, I kind of like being needed." 

Abbey lifted her limp, sleeping daughter from Jed's arms, transferring her with a kiss into the big master bed next to her brother then stopped Jed on his way to the shower. 

"We always need you, babe." She tiptoed up, kissed the tip of his nose. "Always." 

Abbey had no idea how prophetic those words were actually going to turn out to be. 

**** 

"I'm in for the afternoon, guys," Jed said to the agents that followed him into the Residence. 

"Notre Dame at 1:00," said one of the men with quick grin. 

"You got it!" Jed returned the grin and pushed open the door to his bedroom. The room was quiet. Aislinn was sleeping sprawled out on their bed, Panda at her feet. Not wanting to wake her, he called out rather softly. 

"Abbey? I'm back." 

A harsh retching sound drew his attention to the bathroom. He'd spent many a pregnant morning on the tile floor of that room with his wife and knew it was Abbey before Nicholas raced out to him with concern. 

"Mommy's frowing up, Daddy." 

"I can hear that." Jed strode into the bathroom, found Abbey on her knees in front of the toilet, cheek resting against wearily against the seat. Just as he opened his mouth to question her about her illness, another wave of nausea hit and she lifted her head to be sick. Quickly he bent forward, grasped her hair in his fist and held it back from her face. With a feeling of deja vu, having just gone through this with Aislinn the previous night, his other hand gently rubbed circles over her back. 

"That's it, baby. Get it all out." He continued to murmur words of comfort while Nicholas nervously approached them, fingers in his mouth. 

"Have you been taking care of your mom?" Jed asked him. 

Nicky's blue eyes widened and he nodded earnestly. He had not left his mother's side since she had run to the bathroom to be sick, even when she told him to leave and go lie down with Aislinn. People were not supposed to be alone when they were sick. He'd learned that from his parents. But, he was sure grateful when his dad had shown up to take control. Reaching a small hand out, Nicholas began to pat his mother's back the way she did his when he was sick and the way his father was now doing. 

"It's okay, Mommy. You feel better when it's all done." 

Finished with the spasm, Abbey smiled weakly at her son's recitation of what she told him when he was sick. 

Jed leaned forward, flushed the toilet then lifted Abbey's chin to run a cool wet cloth over her face. The golden freckles that were sprinkled over her nose stood out in stark relief against her terribly pale skin. Her dull green eyes held a fevered sheen and her skin was warm to the touch. 

"You have the flu," he stated unnecessarily. 

"I can't have the flu," she moaned. "I have eight billion things to do." 

"Nevertheless, you have the flu." 

"But, I have that dinner tonight and then I have prep for India and China, and all the Christmas stuff..." She was exhausted just thinking about it. 

"You're not going to the dinner tonight. We're going to get you into your pajamas and you're going back to bed." 

Abbey fought the wave of nausea that had her wrapping her arms around her middle and closing her eyes. It was a losing battle; she was back over the toilet in an instant. Jed stayed with her, rubbing the wet cloth against the back of her neck. 

"Jed, just go. Save yourself." She gestured with a tired arm toward the door. 

Jed chuckled tenderly, kissed the top of her head. "You ARE miserable, aren't you?" 

"Just leave me here." She started to sink down on the floor. 

"You can't sleep in the bafroom, Mommy." Nicholas was a bit aghast. 

"Don't worry, bud. She's not going to. Abbey, I'm not leaving you here. You aren't sleeping on the bathroom floor. Do you think your finished throwing up?" 

Abbey thought for a moment – assessed the situation in her throat and stomach. "For the moment anyway...I don't think I have anything left." 

"Okay, then." He flushed again, helped her up off the floor, sat her on the closed lid of the toilet and wiped her face again with a cool soft towel before handing her a little cup of mouthwash to rinse with. 

"Does your head hurt?" he asked while rooting around the medicine cabinet. 

"Yes...everything hurts." 

Finding what he was looking for, he tipped two Advil gel caplets into his palm then offered them to her with a cup of water. Once she'd swallowed the pills, he turned back to her with a measured cup of pink liquid. 

"Time for a little Pepto." 

She groaned. "I hate Pepto Bismol." 

"But you hate puking more. Come on, we need to settle your stomach." 

Nose wrinkling in disgust, she accepted the small cup Jed held against her lips allowing him to pour it into her mouth. Had Nicholas not been watching every move they made, she might have refused it. Sometimes it sucked to have to set an example. 

Grimacing and shuddering once she got the liquid down, she then swished her mouth with the water Jed had waiting for her. 

"Okay, now it's off to bed." He crushed the Dixie cup in his hand, threw it away then helped her to her feet. 

"Jed, the dinner." She leaned heavily against him, her words slurring with fatigue. "You have to call the social secretary. You need a hostess and–" 

"Abbey." He placed his index finger over her lips. "Just shut up." 

Her eyes narrowed. "That was rude," she sulked. 

Jed shook his head. His wife did not get sick often and she was NOT a good patient. Didn't like giving up control even when it came to her own body. 

"You, my darling love, are sick as a dog. You need to go to bed and just let me take care of everything. Come on now, let's get you into your pajamas." He started to lift the hem of her shirt. She pushed him away. 

"I can take off my own shirt, thank you." 

"Be my guest." He left her to her own devices and dug through her dresser to find her pajamas. Abbey didn't wear flannel often, silk was more her style; but when she was sick, she wanted the warmth of her comfort PJs. He pulled out a blue pair of flannel pajamas that were covered in big white snowflakes. 

"Daddy, Mommy's stuck." 

"I'm not stuck," Abbey defended herself. "I'm just taking a break." 

Jed turned, bit back a laugh. Abbey had gotten the shirt as far as her breasts but lacked the strength to get it over the generously full mounds. 

"Yeah, you can take off your own shirt all right." He shook his head and with practiced ease lifted the shirt over her head. 

With her tousled hair, heavy eyes and pale sulky face she looked like a little girl. Well, if one didn't look further down to the lacy powder blue bra – which of course he decidedly did. Mentally shaking his head, he crouched before her. 

"Front or back?" 

"Front." She had given up arguing with him. She was simply too weak, too ill to help herself. 

Jed found the tiny rose bud between her breasts and deftly unclasped the bra. Within moments, he had her stripped down to her matching blue lace panties. In spite of the heat emanating from her body, Abbey began to shiver uncontrollably. Quickly, Jed closed the flannel pajama top around her and began buttoning her up. Still, her teeth chattered loudly. 

"Oh, baby, you really are sick," he said as he slipped the warm baggy bottoms up over her hips. 

She nodded in agreement and eagerly crawled under the pile of blankets on their bed hoping to warm herself. Jed pulled the covers up to her neck, tucked her neatly in then left for the bathroom. When he returned, he had a thermometer in hand. 

"Open up, I'm going to take your temperature." 

"You don't need to take my temperature." She rested the back of her hand against her forehead. "I'm warm, probably just a low grade." 

"Abbey, open your mouth." 

"Jed, I think I know a little more about this than you, I am a doctor – a MEDICAL doctor," she added before Jed could remind her that he too held the title Dr. Bartlet. 

"And a bad patient. Why are doctors always the most difficult patients?" 

"I'm not difficult." 

He cocked a skeptical brow. "You know, come to think of it, we still have the baby rectal thermometer. I could use that instead. Might be more fun." He reached into the bedside drawer pulling out their tube of K-Y to add to his threat. 

Her eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't dare." 

"Try me." 

"You're a sick man, Josiah Bartlet, you know that?" 

"I most certainly do." He stared down at her expectantly. She held his gaze patiently, stubbornly, until finally, weak with fatigue, she silently gave in and reluctantly opened her mouth for him. 

"Now there's a good girl." 

"Don't patronize me, Jed. Just because I'm sick doesn't mean–" Her sentence was cut off abruptly when Jed slid the thermometer under her tongue. Normally, her eyes would be flashing flames for a move like that but today they merely burned on cooling embers. 

Removing the thermometer after the allotted time Jed read it and shook his head. "102.7. Hardly low-grade, DOCTOR Bartlet." 

"Are you going to play 'I told you so' or go away and let me die in peace." 

He laughed, bent to kiss her cheek. "You are a handful, aren't you?" 

"Just giving you a taste of your own medicine." 

Jed stayed with her until her shivering had ceased and she had fallen asleep. With both his wife and daughter sleeping, his attention turned to his son. Nicholas was playing quietly on the floor with some building blocks – amusing himself while his father had taken care of his mother. The boy still wasn't fully recovered yet and was quieter and less energetic than usual. 

"Hey, bud," Jed squatted before him. "Want to make some popcorn and watch the football game with your old man?" 

Nicholas frowned in confusion. "What old man?" 

Jed laughed, tousled his hair. "Me." 

"You're not my old man. You're my daddy." 

"It's just a saying, another way of saying I'm your dad." 

"Oh, okay. Can we make Jiffy Pop?" 

"If we have some." 

Modern microwave popcorn was just not as exciting as the old fashioned Jiffy Pop that the kids could watch as it popped and filled the aluminum cover. 

"Can I have Sprite?" Nicholas spoke more softly this time lest his mother hear him. Abbey was far stricter with the limited soda rule than Jed. 

"Yeah, you can have a Sprite, but let's just keep that a little secret between us guys." 

"Okay." Nicholas grinned, slipped his smaller hand into Jed's larger and the two Bartlet men headed for the kitchen. 

A couple hours later, Zoey wandered into the solarium looking for her father and found him asleep in the recliner with Nicholas. The Notre Dame game was long over and another on its place. A bowl of popcorn lay empty on the on the coffee table along with an empty bottle of Sam Adams and an equally empty can of Sprite. Zoey smiled at that. Her dad used to sneak soda to she and her sisters too. It was nice knowing that he would never change. She bent to turn off the television, which immediately got a reaction. 

"Hey, don't touch that," Jed protested, eyes still closed. "I'm watching the game." 

"You're sleeping." 

"No, I'm not. I'm just resting my eyes." 

"Yeah, sure you are." 

"Put it back on, Zo." 

"Nope. Come on, Dad." She gently nudged his shoulder. "You have to get moving or you're going to be late for your own party." 

"What time is it?" 

"Time for you to get moving." 

"You're sounding more and more like your mother every day." 

Jed rose, careful not to wake Nicholas. The last thing he felt like doing right now was getting into a tux and spending a night schmoozing, but duty called and the dinner was, after all, for a good cause. 

**** 

Abbey was still sleeping when Jed settled Nicholas in with her and Aislinn so he could go take a shower. It wasn't until he was tucking his shirt into his pants that he noticed her eyes flutter wearily open. 

"Hey, baby, you're awake." He placed a hand against her flushed cheek feeling the heat. "How are you feeling?" 

Abbey pulled the covers up over her head with a groan. "Just go ahead and start making the funeral arrangements." 

"That bad, huh?" 

"Mmm...What do you think?" 

He thought she sounded awful, terribly congested and rather hoarse. 

"Anything I can get for you?" 

"Tissues, please." 

There was a soft rap on the door and Zoey poked her head in. 

"Dad, you decent?" 

"Come in, Zoey," he said as he handed the box of tissues to Abbey. 

Abbey was blowing her nose when Zoey entered the room wearing a strapless emerald evening gown, her long straight copper hair spilling in a shining cascade over her pale shoulders. Zoey had blossomed from the pretty sixteen-year-old tomboy she had still been when Jed was elected to this lovely, poised, young woman that stood before her now. It seemed to Abbey that it had all happened rather disconcertingly overnight. One day Zoey was still her little girl and the next she was woman. 

"I really appreciate you filling in for me tonight," Abbey said to her. 

"Are you KIDDING me? If I'd known Tom Brady was going to be there I'd have made sure I got an invite." 

Abbey smiled. Tom Brady was the gorgeous quarterback of the New England Patriots, the golden boy of the NFL. He was also a spokesman for the Special Olympics and since the evening's dinner was a tribute to Eunice Shriver, the founder of Special Olympics, and Senator Ted Kennedy's elder sister, and it was a bye week for the Patriots, Tom would be in attendance. 

"You're going to knock him dead. You look beautiful." 

"Yeah, right. He dates actresses and models not grad students." 

"You're prettier than any actress or model," Jed told her. "And, you're smarter. Any man would be lucky to catch your eye." 

"Says my unbiased father." 

"Just stating the facts, sweetheart." 

"You know, Zoey, I have a pair of earrings that would be perfect with that gown. Bring me the small rosewood jewelry box off my dresser." 

Zoey did so, pausing to give it to her until her she stopped coughing. 

"Mom, you really sound awful." 

"Yeah, well I feel pretty awful." Abbey took the box and pulled out one of the drawers to find a pair of dangling diamond and emerald drop earrings. 

"They're gorgeous," Zoey breathed. "You're really going to let me wear them? These were a St. Patrick's Day gift from Dad." 

Abbey smiled. "You're not a careless little girl anymore. I trust you to take good care of them." 

"Thanks, Mom!" She bent to her to kiss her cheek but Abbey held out a hand to keep her at arms length. 

"You don't want to catch this and end up puking on Tom Brady's feet, do you?" 

Zoey shuddered. "Bite your tongue, Mother." 

Jed approached Abbey, arms held out in front of him for her to fix his cufflinks and said reproachfully, "You don't mind puking on my feet." 

Abbey's nose wrinkled with a smile. "That's because you already know me and think I'm adorable, even when I'm puking." 

"Listen to her, Zoey. She thinks she has me pegged, doesn't she?" 

Glancing back at him from the mirror where she was admiring the sparkling earrings that dangled from her ears, Zoey gave him an impish grin that mimicked her mother's. 

"We all know Mom has you pegged, Dad." 

Her father was one of the few men in the world who actually meant it when he said his wife would be just as beautiful to him in a burlap sack as she was in a designer ballgown. 

"Now you gals are just ganging up on me." Jed stood and flipped his jacket characteristically over his head to snap it in place. Abbey had to smile at his also characteristically crooked bow tie. 

"Zoey, please fix your dad's tie, then you both better get going." 

Zoey fixed the tie as she'd watched her mother do a hundred times then linked her arm with Jed's. 

"Ready, Dad?" 

He gave her a quick wink, "Ready, kittenface." 

"Dad, do me a favor and don't call me that in front of everyone." 

"You mean in front of Tom Brady, don't you?" 

She elbowed him, a slight blush touching her cheeks. "I mean everyone." 

A sweet wave of tenderness washed over Abbey as she watched father and daughter leave the room arm in arm, their teasing banter fading as they shut the door behind them. She wished she could be there to see Zoey's face when she found that she was seated right next to New England's star quarterback. 

**** 

Reception lines could sure get tedious. Zoey was a friendly, outgoing young woman and – unlike her sister Ellie who had already made her way through the line on the arm of her date, Congressman Seaborn – she enjoyed meeting new people. But enough was enough. Even with using the tricks her parents had taught her, her hand was getting sore and her feet in the slip-on stilettos she was wearing were killing her. She wondered if anyone would notice if she slipped them off. Probably not, her gown would hide her feet and she would just lose a few inches. As inconspicuously as possible, she started to slip out of the shoe. 

"Mr. Thomas Brady and Miss Mary Clare Brady." 

Too late. Zoey was out of one shoe and face to chest with probably the most attractive man she'd ever met. At 6'4" Thomas Patrick Brady would have been tall even if she'd had both shoes on. As it was, he towered over her small frame. His eyes, a bright light blue, twinkled with amusement at her predicament. Too late she realized that he could see her bare foot through the slit in her gown. Face reddening, she squared her shoulders with what she hoped was haughty dignity, but that only served to make his smile wider, forcing dimples into his cheeks that were impossibly sexy. 

"Hi, I'm Tom Brady." He held out a large hand. 

"Zoey Bartlet." Zoey's hand disappeared in his and she felt a sudden tingle of electricity that moved from her hand up her arm and through her chest to settle in her belly. She'd never felt that kind of chemical reaction to a man before and didn't understand what or why she was feeling this way. She'd met good looking guys before – movie stars, rock stars, royalty – and yet meeting this football star had her heart racing. 

Tom's smile faded as he felt that sudden connection as well and found himself unable to look away from the lovely depths of her blue-green eyes. For a moment it was as if they were the only people in the room. 

The voice of the young woman standing behind him chatting with the President ended the strange moment with Tom remembering where he was and whom he was with. 

"Zoey, this is my sister, Mary Clare. Mary Clare, this is Zoey Bartlet, the President's daughter." 

"I'm Tom's date." The girl beamed with pride. She was pretty, with the same little cleft in her chin that Tom had. She also had the tell tale characteristics of a person with Down's Syndrome. Zoey had expected a model or actress on his arm and found it endearing that he had brought his sister. Even more endearing was the way he treated the young woman, smiling affectionately down at her and leading her through the rest of the line with a hand protectively on her back. 

**** 

Later inside with the mingling over, Tom was happy to see that he was seated next to the President's pretty auburn haired daughter. There was something about Zoey Bartlet that intrigued him and he found himself wanting to get to know her better. And, well, she sure wasn't hard on the eyes. He liked the way the candlelight brought out the fiery highlights in her shining copper hair and played over her pale bare shoulders. She was an animated young woman – smart and funny and full of life. And, while she was as lovely as a model in her designer gown, he found that she was an outdoor girl who could talk sports with the best of them. But, what Tom found most engaging about Zoey was the way she talked to Mary Clare. Most people, when meeting him, tended to ignore anyone that he was with and this was especially true with Mary Clare. People assumed that because she had Down's Syndrome that she had nothing to contribute to the conversation – which couldn't be further from the truth. His sister was sweet and funny and had a lot to say, which Zoey Bartlet was soon discovering. The two had bonded over a shared love of running. Mary Clare had been running track in the Special Olympics for years and Zoey, he found, had run cross-country in high school. 

At the other side of the table, CJ saw that the President's eyes were on his daughter and her dining companions. 

"It was nice of Zoey to fill in tonight," CJ said. "She seems to be having a good time." 

"She seems a bit smitten to me," Jed frowned. 

CJ bit back a smile. "Smitten. That's a word you don't hear very often anymore." 

"Are you mocking me?" 

"Not at all, sir." The smile couldn't be held back any longer. "You know I love how old fashioned you are." 

"I consider myself a modern man, CJ." 

"You are, sir, with old fashioned values." 

"We need more of those old fashioned values." His eyes remained on his daughter. "Zoey's an old fashioned girl." 

CJ wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her of that or himself. "You've raised her well. Zoey's got a good head on her shoulders." 

Jed sighed. He hoped so. "Her mother has more to do with that than me. And, speaking of her mother," he glanced down at his watch. "I'm going to disappear for a little bit and go upstairs to see how Abbey's doing." 

A hundred servants to see to his wife's every need and yet the President was taking the time to go up and check on her himself. Was it any wonder CJ felt such affection for the man? Jed Bartlet was the kind of man women dreamed of having as their own. 

**** 

Not wanting to wake Abbey if she was sleeping, Jed slowly opened the bedroom door. He was surprised to see that while Aislinn still slept, Abbey was not only awake but also sitting up propped in bed against a pile of pillows. Beside her on the nightstand were her weapons against the flu – a glass of ginger ale, an open canister of saltines, a bottle of Advil and a box of tissues. Evidently she had been reading, as a book lay open cover up on her thighs and her reading glasses were perched on the tip of her nose. However, at the moment, she was in the process of taking her temperature. 

Looking up as Jed came into the room carrying a steaming mug, Abbey pulled the thermometer from her mouth and checked the reading. 

"Hey. How are my girls?" he asked her. 

"You shouldn't get too close," she warned. 

"It's all right." 

"I'm like a Petri dish over here." 

"Yeah, you're pretty gross." He gave her a sweet sarcastic little grin and sat beside her on the edge of the bed. His eyes scanned her face for signs of how her illness was coming along. There were still gray smudges under her eyes, although those eyes had at least lost their fevered glaze, and her skin was paler than normal, but she looked far better than she had earlier in the day when she hadn't been able to crawl out of bed. 

"What have you got there?" she asked. 

"Try it." 

Abbey cupped her hands around the warm ceramic mug that read "Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican", inhaled the steam and took a sip. It was an herbal tea with a hint of soothing lemon and honey and... 

"Did you put alcohol in this?" she asked. 

"Just a little dash of whiskey to take away your chill." 

"It'll probably knock me out." 

"No more so than Nyquil and more enjoyable, hmmm?" 

She took another long sip relishing the soothing heat against her raw throat. 

"Guess I have to give you that." 

Aislinn made her presence known by throwing her arm over Abbey's belly and breathing heavily through her stuffy nose. Abbey's hand dropped to the little girl's head stroking softly over her silky hair and warm cheek. 

"Where's Nicholas?" Jed asked. 

"He's feeling better so Isabelle tucked him in his own bed. I have the monitor on though. How's the dinner going?" 

"I wondered when you'd ask. You knew Zoey would be sitting next to him didn't you?" 

"By 'him', I assume you're referring to Mr. Thomas Patrick Brady." 

"You know exactly whom I am referring to." 

Abbey smiled slyly. "I am the hostess. It's my duty to know where people are sitting." 

"Yeah, well, I've had the pleasure of having to watch our daughter moon over this guy all night." 

Abbey chuckled and blew her nose. "I sincerely doubt that Zoey was mooning. That's hardly her style. She's more the flirting type." 

"Well, whatever it is, I don't like it." 

"Relax. Papa Bear. Brady is in the middle of a football season and Zoey's in graduate school here. If there is an attraction nothing will come of it." 

Jed sighed. "You're right. I'm making a mountain out of molehill. It's not like she hasn't had a crush before." 

"Many," Abbey agreed. "But you know–" 

"Don't finish that statement. I don't want to know what you are about to say." 

"You sure?" she teased. "You're the one who is always saying that ignorance is not bliss." 

"In this case, it is." 

Abbey coughed deeply then leaned back against the pillows with closed eyes. Once she caught her breath, she saw the look of concern on Jed's face. 

"I'm fine, babe," she assured him, squeezing his hand. "And you need to get back to the party. I'm sure you're a little conspicuous in your absence." 

Jed rose, rested a hand on her knee. "Is there anything I can get for you?" 

A dozen servants were just a pressed button away to see to her every whim and yet the most powerful man in the world wanted to take care of her. It was a gesture that warmed her more than any whiskey ever could. 

"No, I'm fine. I'm going to finish my tea and go back to sleep. Thanks for checking up me though." 

"I love you." He took her hand and bent to kiss her. Abbey tilted her chin down making sure he got her forehead and not her lips. She didn't want him coming down with this thing too. 

She started to pull her hand back from his but he didn't let it go. Instead, he admonished her sternly. "Get some rest and let Isabelle take care of the kids if they have any problems." 

"I love you too." 

Jed sighed when she responded to his declaration of love and blatantly ignored his missive, knowing that his orders were falling on deaf ears. His wife was both stubborn and headstrong and she would take care of things as she saw fit. However, in a battle of wills he could be just as stubborn. 

"Do I have to stay here and keep you in that bed?" he asked. 

"Wouldn't be the first time you've done that." Abbey's brow lifted suggestively and Jed had to laugh. As sick as she was, she was still a sexy woman. 

"Abigail–" 

"Jed, I won't overdue it. I promise. Now get back down to your party before the Service sends a posse out for you." 

"Abigail Bartlet, you sure don't make things easy, do you?" His head was shaking as walked away from her toward the door. 

"Easy is boring. Would you rather I was boring?" 

He turned to her. She looked so tiny under all the covers and against the big fluffy pillows and yet her weary eyes held a spark of challenge. 

"You, my darling, are never boring. And, no, I wouldn't want you any other way." 

With a smile and a wink, he shut the door behind him and left the room. 


	29. Altered Lives

"Mrs. Fidrer, is my daddy almost DONE?" Aislinn flopped down on the chair next to Abbey just outside her father's office. 

"Aislinn, if you don't stop bothering Mrs. Fiderer, and Nicholas, if you don't stop banging the chair with your foot, we're going to go right upstairs for lunch and you won't see Daddy until tonight," Abbey warned. 

"No, Mommy!" Nicholas protested. "We wanna show him our antlers NOW! Mrs. Fidrer said Daddy's almost done." 

"Then you both need to wait patiently and be quiet. Mrs. Fiderer is working here and she doesn't need the two of you driving her crazy." 

Aislinn blew out a loud disgruntled sigh from her puffed cheeks but kept her comments to herself. 

Debbie smiled at the impatient children. A visit from the Bartlet twins always brightened her day. "Would a fruit rollup make the time go by faster?" she asked. 

Nicholas and Aislinn's eyes met across their mother and lit as they jumped to their feet looking to Abbey for permission. 

"Go ahead," Abbey said. "But only ONE." 

"I see they're feeling better," Debbie said to Abbey while the children dug into their rollups. 

"There's a reason doctors always talk about the resiliency of children." Abbey accepted the piece of roll up that Nicholas handed to her and popped it into her mouth. Unlike her children, Abbey was still not feeling 100%. 

"I was surprised to see the President back to work so soon." Debbie opened a roll for herself and cast Abbey a pointed look. Abbey figured the look had something to do with Jed barely being over the flu as well and the fact that just this morning, his first day back, he had mistakenly accepted the flag of the Taiwan Independence Party from somebody at a prayer breakfast – something that seemed to have everyone in uproar. 

"That wasn't entirely up to me. With China looming up next week, I would have had to tie him to the bed to keep him there." 

Debbie's brow lifted. Knowing her boss as she did, Debbie figured he probably would have enjoyed that. Abbey smiled wryly. 

"You KNOW what I mean. The second his fever came down, he was dressed and ready to come back to work." 

Abbey had been afraid that the touch of flu he'd caught from her or one of the children might bring on some symptoms of his M.S. but Jed had seemed to bounce back much faster than she had, and for that she was extremely grateful. 

"Mommy, can you help me?" Nicholas handed her his sticky roll up. While Abbey carefully peeled the paper off, she caught Aislinn bouncing from foot to foot in a dance she knew very well. 

"Aislinn, do you need to go potty?" 

"No, Mommy." 

"Aislinn." 

"Weeelll....just a little." 

Aislinn's "just a little's" were usually moments away from emergency time. But before Abbey could take her off to the bathroom, the door to the Oval opened and they all watched as several suited men with briefcases departed. At the end of the line, their father stood in the doorway. The serious look on his face vanished when he saw his little visitors. 

"Daddy, Daddy, guess what we got?!" 

"Aislinn, go potty THEN tell Daddy what you got for your pageant." 

Aislinn cast a pained look toward her brother who was digging through his backpack to find what they wanted to show their father. 

"Don't worry, I won't let Nicholas show Daddy without you. Now GO!" 

"Okay. Daddy, I gotta use your potty!" 

"Be my guest," Jed grinned. The need was apparently urgent as his daughter raced across the office to his bathroom pausing only to yell back over her shoulder. 

"Mommy, I need help with my tights!" 

Abbey sighed and followed. "A mother's work is never done." 

"She's a handful." Nicholas shook his head at Debbie and his father, both of whom burst into laughter at his grown up statement. 

"I am NOT a handful. YOU'RE a handful!" Aislinn yelled with indignation as she poked her head back out of the bathroom only to be yanked back in by Abbey. 

Once Aislinn was out of the bathroom and her little disagreement with her brother easily cast aside, the children were able to show Jed the antlers they were going to get to wear in their pre-school Christmas pageant. 

"We're gonna wear the antlers to sing 'Up on the Housetop'," Nicholas told him. 

"And we're gonna sing 'Away in a Manger' around the baby Jesus," Aislinn added. 

"And the WHOLE school's gonna sing 'He's Got the Whole World in His Hands'." 

"Wow, that sounds like QUITE a show. I can't wait to see it." 

"You and Mommy are coming. Mommy's making brownies." 

"Well I've been looking forward to going for quite a while, but now that I know Mommy's making brownies, I'm even more excited. So, how about a little preview here for Mrs. Fiderer since she won't get to see the show." 

"Okay, we need our antlers." Nicholas handed the soft stuffed antlers to Abbey and she slipped the elastic under his chin and then Aislinn's to hold them in place. Soon the halls of the West Wing resounded with a Christmas carol sung with a decided staccato childish lisp. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "Up on da housetop reindeer pause   
> Out jumps good old Santa Claus."

The adults chuckled as the children bent back with arms rounded to show fat bellies then pretended to throw sacks over their shoulders as they'd been practicing. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "Down frough da chimney with lots of toys   
> All for da wittle ones, Christmas joys   
> HO HO HO!"

The line was yelled with glee and drew CJ in from her office next to the Oval, 

>   
>  __
> 
> "Who wouldn't go?   
> HO HO HO!   
> Who wouldn't go?"

Exaggerated shrugs that had their little shoulders up to their ears and widened their eyes had CJ smiling along with the rest of the small audience. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "Oh, up on da housetop, click, click, click   
> Down frough da chimney with old Saint Nick."

Applause and cheers had the twins grinning with delight and bowing deeply as they'd been taught. 

It was only when Abbey and the children left the Oval that Jed allowed the tension to again tighten his face. Closing his right eye and opening it again, he willed his vision to clear. It didn't. Dread gnawed at his stomach and he prayed this was not a lead up to a relapse. Not now, not just as he was about to embark upon one of the most important summits of his presidency. A part of him desperately wanted to confide in Abbey, to share his fears with her and he'd almost held her back after the children's performance to talk about it. But he knew his wife. Doctor and wife Abbey would take over from First Lady Abbey and she would have him back in bed in a heartbeat. She would put her foot down about him going to China. He wouldn't back down, he couldn't. There would be a fight – a battle of wills – and he just couldn't afford that now. He had to go to China; he had to use his now powerful position to make the Chinese see the role they had to play in helping to stabilize relations with North Korea and to keep an eye on the nuclear proliferation that was going on there. Seven years ago he had been making speeches in his campaign for the presidency promising to make the world a better place for all their sons and daughters. In the world of politics not every promise could be kept, but this was the most important promise he'd made and one that he was determined to see through. He would never have this moment back. Thanks to the Mid-East peace agreement, he was in a position of power both domestically and internationally. In another year he would be a lame duck. This was his one shot and he wasn't going to blow it. 

A few hours later he almost lost that resolve. A surprise visit from Leo while he was in the midst of trying to read briefing files on China trade created yet again a pull to confide in someone who cared about him. Leo had inadvertently brought about that need when he'd slyly insisted that Jed knew exactly what he was doing when he accepted that flag and that he'd been well aware of the fact that he'd be creating a flap. If only that were so. He hadn't seen the flag. It was as simple and as terrifying as that. He'd had momentary instances of blurred vision before, election night being the most memorable, but nothing that hadn't quickly gone away. This time it wasn't going away and while he wouldn't fully admit it, he was getting scared. 

Still, it didn't feel right to lay that on Leo now. The man had his own health issues and more importantly, deep down inside, Jed knew that if he told anyone it had to be Abbey first. However, he desperately hoped it wouldn't come to that. Hoped that he could simply will the problem away. Denial – it was what Abbey always accused him of, but truth told, he wasn't stupid when it came this disease. He'd studied up on it, listened to Abbey's explanations and lectures and knew that rest was the best way to ward off a relapse. But when? He had the Medal of Arts winners dinner and entertainment tonight and a million last minute things to do before he left for China in a few days. Rest was not an option, at least not one that he was willing acknowledge. No, he wasn't stupid about it – foolish maybe – as he was sure Abbey would say, but not stupid. 

**** 

Fully dressed in an elegant strapless gown, Abbey sat at her vanity table applying the finishing touches to her make up. She was well aware of the tiny girl that stood enraptured at her side watching every move that she made. 

"What's that, Mama?" Aislinn asked as Abbey ran the brush of a wand against her eyelashes. 

"It's mascara." 

"What's mascara?" 

"It helps to make your eyelashes darker and longer." 

"Can I have some 'scara?" 

"No, not mascara, but I have something else you can try." Picking up the tube of pink lipstick she had just used, she bent and dabbed at Aislinn's pursed lips with it, smiling as the little girl mimicked her by smoothing her upper and lower lips together. When Abbey was done, she spritzed her wrists, neck, and cleavage with a light floral perfume then rose and looked down at her wide-eyed daughter. 

"So, what do you think?" 

Aislinn was silent as her mother did a little pirouette before her. No matter how many times her mother insisted that she was not a princess, Aislinn begged to differ. In her elegant gowns, dazzling jewelry, and fancy hair-dos, her mother was as glamorous as any princess from the storybooks or movies. 

"Mommy, you're beautiful," Aislinn sighed. "And you smell REALLY pretty." 

"Thank you, baby girl." Abbey bent to kiss the top of Aislinn's head. 

"I couldn't agree more." 

Jed had been admiring the effect of the pirouette from the doorway. It was Christmas and most women would be wearing shades of red or green but for tonight Abbey had chosen a deep midnight blue gown trimmed in black. It was strapless and she wore her long hair up in an elegant French twist to show off a slender neck adorned in glittering diamonds that also sparkled in her ears. 

"You look stunning, Abbeykins." Jed paused to kiss her cheek on the way to the bathroom. 

"Thank you. You look pretty dashing yourself. Or you will once you get that bow tie on." 

"I'm working on it." 

Abbey watched him enter the bathroom with Nicholas trailing behind. 

Nicholas sat on the edge of the bathtub watching his father stand in front of the mirror to work on tying his bowtie. 

"We're gonna watch _The Polar Express_ with Zoey 'n Charlie," Nicholas said. "Charlie's gonna make popcorn with LOTS of butter." 

"That Charlie's a pretty good guy." 

"I like Charlie," Nicholas agreed. "Zoey said Charlie is her best friend." 

"I thought as much. Everyone needs a best friend." Jed sighed, undid the mess he'd made with the tie, and started over. 

"Who's your best friend, Daddy?" 

"You mean other than you?" Jed grinned. 

Nicholas giggled. "Who's your GROWN UP best friend?" 

"Ah, my grown up best friend. Well then that would be your mother, of course. She's the best friend I've got. What about you? Who's your best friend? Other than me, of course." Nicholas grinned again and thought on the question for a moment. 

"I play with Timmy at school but Aislinn's my bestest friend. We get to play together all the time." 

Jed turned from the mirror with a tender smile. "That's nice, Nick. I hope your sister is always one of your best friends." 

"'Cept when she's mean to me." 

"Well, yes, except then." While he was still chuckling over that, he heard Zoey enter the bedroom with a loud whistle. 

"That is some SERIOUS bling, Mom." 

"Only about cool twenty mil." 

"Twenty MILLION!" Zoey gasped. "You're wearing twenty million dollars in jewels?!" 

"What's bling?" Aislinn asked. 

"THIS is bling." Zoey fingered the heavy clusters of diamonds at her mother's throat and ears. 

"Don't get too attached, my dear," Abbey smiled. "These are on loan from the Smithsonian. I won't be passing them down." 

Back in the bathroom, Jed gave up trying to tie his tie with a snort of disgust. 

"What's taking you so long?" Abbey asked, stepping up behind him to slide his tuxedo jacket on. 

"I can't tie my tie." 

"Yeah, I know." Unconcerned, as Jed always had trouble with his ties, Abbey deftly twisted the material into a bow. "Can we go now?" 

He smiled at her impatience. Abbey had loved James Taylor since their college days and had been thrilled to find out that he would be part of the performance tonight at the Medal of Arts ceremony. It was one of the few times that she was dressed and ready before him. 

"Yeah, let's go." 

**** 

Sitting back to listen to JT's rendition of the legendary Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come", Jed didn't know if it was the bluesy music, the lyrics, or simply the weight of the fear that he'd be living with for two days, but he felt a desperate need to be close to Abbey. To feel her warmth, her strength, to know that he was not alone. It had never been easy for him to admit that he was scared – not even to himself – but this time things felt different and that fear was eating away at him. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "It's been too hard living but I'm afraid to die   
> 'Cause I don't know what's up there beyond the sky   
> It's been a long, a long time coming   
> But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will"

Swallowing tightly, Jed took Abbey's hand, pulled it onto his lap, and sandwiched it between his two. 

"You're awfully friendly tonight," she purred. 

"Why? Because I can't keep my hands off you?" 

It was such a Jed thing to say and usually he meant it, but the forced smile didn't fool Abbey. The flat tone of his voice, the tightness in his face worried her. The sensual smile left her face to be replaced with worry. 

"What is it?" she asked. 

Jed swallowed, his chest tightening. "I didn't see the flag." 

Abbey frowned and leaned closer to hear him better. "What?" 

"The green flag. I didn't see it. I couldn't tie my tie. I haven't been able to focus or see out of my right eye since early yesterday morning." He felt Abbey flinch but she didn't say a word, compelling him to add again more forcefully, "I didn't SEE the flag." 

Heart racing, fear running down her spine until her extremities tingled Abbey fought the panic, fought the need to pull Jed into her arms and tell him it was all going to be okay. They were after all on public display. Instead, she squeezed his hand and gave him a smile of reassurance. 

The rest of the performance was simply a blur. Both Abbey and Jed were silent – locked away deep in their own heads, in their own fears, but linked still by hands clutched tightly together acknowledging that whatever happened neither was alone and they would get through it together. 

The entertaining seemed interminable to Abbey. All she wanted was to go back to the Residence with Jed and talk to him about what was happening. However, with the performance over, she'd been forced to plaster a smile on her face and play the gracious hostess. Thankfully it was a role she'd played so many times, she could pretty much do it in her sleep. While she chatted and made small talk with the guests, her eyes often fell on her husband. Watching him laughing and playing host, she would never have been able to tell he was experiencing any symptoms, or that only an hour before he'd been admitting those symptoms to her with gut wrenching fear in his voice and in his eyes. 

When the evening finally wound down and the guests began to depart, Abbey was more than ready to get back to the privacy of the Residence and have some one on one time with Jed. But, before they left the East Room, Jed informed her that he needed to go to the Oval Office for a little bit and urged her to go on up without him. 

Sipping from her glass of wine, sitting alone in the huge room while the staff began to clean, Abbey pondered what Jed had told her this evening – how he had told her – and began to wonder if had purposely told her in the middle of a public gathering then excused himself to the Oval as a way of avoiding hearing what she had to say on the matter. 

Quickly she dismissed that thought. There had been nothing calculated in the way Jed had told her what he was experiencing. It had been fear that had driven him, that much had been clear. He'd simply been unable to live with that fear alone any longer and he had turned to her for what? Comfort? Strength? Blinking her eyes against the sting of tears, she rose to her feet and instead of turning to go to the elevator that would take her to the Residence, she made her way down the halls to the portico that would take her to the West Wing. 

**** 

"Hiding, Jed?" 

Staring out the window lost in thought, Jed turned at the sound of his wife's voice. There had been no accusation in the question it was merely an observation. He smiled wryly. 

"You caught me." 

"Looks like I did." She moved up behind him, rested her hands on his broad shoulders, and kissed the back of his neck. Staring out the window with him, she noticed that big fat snowflakes were falling, blanketing the Rose Garden. 

"It's the first snow, Jed." 

There was a wistful note to what she said. Snow was rare in D.C., much rarer than back home in New England and was something Jed knew Abbey missed. 

"Pretty, isn't it?" 

"I'd ask you if you want to talk but I guess it's pretty obvious you don't." 

"I'm sorry, Abbey. I know I'm avoiding you, but I guess I just didn't know what to say. I'm sorry for telling you the way I did. That was a rotten thing to do to you. I didn't do it that way purposely." 

She smiled softly. "I only thought you did for a smidgen of a second." 

"A smidgen, eh? Why only a smidgen?" 

"Because I know you. I know the way things eat at you. I could see it and I heard it when you told me." She reached out and took his hand, squeezed it tightly. "It's going to be okay, you know. This is not something out of the ordinary for you. You had the flu; you had a fever. We had to expect that something like this might happen. I'm just kicking myself for not forcing you to sleep in the guest room." 

He snorted derisively. "As if I'd have let you. I'm a grown man, Abbey. I make my own decisions and if I decide to help my wife and children when they're sick then that's what I'm going to do. Besides as you've told me a hundred times, people are contagious BEFORE they even show symptoms of their illness so you just never know when you'll come into contact with something. I won't live in a bubble. I can't and I won't. I'll get through this." 

"WE'LL get through this," she corrected. "And, yes we will. What you need right now is rest. We'll talk to CJ, cancel the trip to China and–" 

"We aren't canceling China." 

"What?" 

He said it more forcefully. "We AREN'T canceling China." 

She did get angry then, felt the flush of it rise in her cheeks. "For chrissake, Jed, be realistic. You can't see out of your right eye and I could feel your hand trembling when you held mine. You're right on the edge of a full out relapse. We can stop that from happening with a lot of rest and relaxation over the next couple of weeks. After that we have Christmas break and you'll start the New Year good as new. We'll reschedule China." 

"I can't do that, Abbey." This time he said it gently, apologetically. "It's taken me two years of fighting to get THESE talks. This is it; this is my chance to deal with North Korea once and for all. I only have two years left in this office. Next year is already scheduled, and by the year after I'll be a lame duck and have far less power than I have at this moment. The time is now, Abbey." 

"The time won't be now if you go into an all out relapse," she snapped. 

"I have to take that chance. I told the American public that I could do this job WITH M.S.. They took a leap of faith when they voted for me and I can't let them down." He lifted her chin, saw the tear that trailed down her cheek. "Aww shit, babe, don't cry, please." 

She shook her head. It wasn't what he thought. "I'm not crying because I'm mad at you. I'm crying because you're so fucking noble. I'm crying because I love you and because I'm actually considering letting you risk this." 

"You have to let me go, Abbey." He ran a thumb under her eye to wipe away the tear. 

"But I won't be there. I'll have to cancel India so I can go with you." 

"No. You can't cancel your trip. You have an important speech to make there on 'World AIDS Day'. If you cancel in order to fly to China with me, everyone is going to want to know why. We can't say anything. We may be worrying for nothing and I don't want reporters watching my every step wondering if I'm about to fall flat on my face." 

What he said made sense. If the media knew he was having symptoms of his M.S., every stumble he made would be reported as a relapse. "Okay," the word came out on a long breath she'd been holding. "Here's the deal." Jed had to smile at the return of no nonsense Abbey. The tears were gone and he could see the wheels turning in her head as she prepared for negotiation. "You can go to China PROVIDED your symptoms don't worsen and you don't experience any other complications." 

He mulled it over for a moment. "Sounds fair." He wouldn't be able to go to China if he was in a full-blown relapse anyway. 

"And–" 

He sighed. "Why is there always an 'and'?" 

"And," she continued, "you take Millie along for the ride." 

"Abbey," he protested. 

"Those are my terms. Take 'em or leave 'em." 

Stubborn blue eyes met equally stubborn green. Jed was well aware that she didn't have the power to stop him from doing what he wanted to do. The power she wielded was that of his wife, his partner, and dammit he wasn't going to take that away from her. "Okay, I take Millie along, but I'm not telling her why. She'll be as bad as the media if she knows there is a chance I could relapse. I don't want her hovering over me." 

"What'll you tell her?" 

He shrugged. "A lot of the talks will center on health care. I'll ask her to come along to brief me," 

"I don't know," Abbey's eyes narrowed. "I don't want her to think I'm slacking." 

"She knows that you've been sick and that you have your own trip to India to prepare for. She won't think it's strange that we haven't been able to go things together. So, those are my terms. Do we have a deal?" He stuck his hand out. 

Abbey paused for a moment already regretting what she was about to do. But in the end, she put her own hand out to shake his. As soon as she did, Jed pulled her forward into his embrace remembering what he had said to their son earlier in the evening. Everyone did indeed need a best friend. 

"I love you very, very, much, Mrs. Bartlet." He bent his head, kissed her softly on the lips, and prayed she would not regret what she was giving him. 


	30. Altered Lives

High above the United States, President Josiah Bartlet sat in his private office aboard Air Force One. A pile of papers requiring his signature lay before him on the desk. Picking up his pen with his right hand, he focused on making the tremor to stop just long enough so that he could sign his name. He stared at the offending hand – watching it shake – the anger inside him building until it finally erupted with him flinging the pen across the room with a harsh curse. 

It was getting worse. His arm felt so heavy that it took a conscious effort to raise it. And, when he tried to use his hand, the tremors took over. It had become so bad that he hadn't dared pick up either of his crying children when he left them at the White House for fear he might drop them. Instead he had knelt before them and pulled them into his arms for comfort and promises that both he and Mommy would be home before they knew it. 

Mommy was already out of the country and as much as her presence would have reassured Jed, he felt lucky that Abbey had flown out to India two days earlier. She knew him too well; she saw too much. Her eagle eyes easily would have seen what he'd been able to hide from others and what he was going to have to continue to hide from others. A working supper with all his advisors making the trip with him was next on the agenda. 

They were deep into the meeting when CJ noticed that Jed was not eating. He was engaged and participating in the conversation and the plans but he had not eaten a bite of the meal that had been placed before him. Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully as she tried to assess his health. He was, after all, just getting over the flu. The last thing they needed was to have him turn up sick again. Noticing that he looked a little pale and tired she cleared the room. 

"What was that all about?" Jed asked. 

"Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine," he said, surprised. 

"You're not eating." 

"I'm not that hungry." 

The President had a healthy appetite; she'd never seen him turn down a meal before. Unless of course it was one of the First Lady's salads she often had delivered to the Oval for his lunch. This was a big roast beef sandwich with his favored horseradish sauce; something he normally would have dug into with gusto. 

"You said you were hungry when you were ordering." 

The suspicion was quite evident in CJ's eyes and Jed knew she was onto him, he just didn't know that she was worried about the flu, not an M.S. flare up. It was M.S., however, that held Jed in its heavy grip. 

He'd lied to CJ. He was damn hungry and the sandwich and French fries smelled delicious, so much so that he was afraid his rumbling stomach would give him away. Give him away because while the heaviness in his arms had gone away he still could not lift them. Could not lift them because he could not FEEL them. It was an effort to remain calm and not panic. He needed Millie. 

"Don't worry, I'll eat. But thanks for getting rid of them. Sixteen hours of that would be a bit much. Send Millie in, would you? I don't need to talk shop with her." 

Fighting the urge to blurt things out as Millie sat before him, he made small talk, asking her what her plans were for Christmas. 

"I'll be on my own this year this year. Danny and Brynn are spending Christmas with their father." She was philosophical about it, had in fact taken the distance in her relationship with her children as a penance for what she had done to her husband, to her marriage. If she was lonely and depressed at the holidays, it was her own damn fault and something she would regret for the rest of her life. 

Jed was still terribly upset by what Millie had done. Adultery was such an ugly, hurtful thing; however, no one deserved to be all alone at Christmas. Well, no one but his adulterous son-in-law of course – but that was a matter for another day. 

"In that case," he said, "you can do Christmas with your goddaughter and her family." 

Millie gave a soft laugh. "I can't afford another Bartlet Christmas on this government salary. Way too many presents." 

Bracing himself, for speaking about it would make it reality; he looked his wife's best friend straight in the eye. "Millie– I can't move my hands." 

The humor drained from Millie's face. But, seeing the worry lurking beneath Jed's steady gaze, she carefully schooled her features and went into doctor mode. It was the same reaction he'd seen in Abbey hundreds of times over the years. Often he had wondered if they taught that move in medical school. 

"Ever happened before?" Millie asked calmly. 

"It's usually one or the other, never both and never completely paralyzed like this. Usually heaviness or tremors and it doesn't last very long." 

She rose, bent before him, and pinched the skin on his hands and forearms. "Feel that?" she asked. 

"No." He could see her pinching, knew it should hurt, and yet he didn't feel a thing. 

"Want me to get the flight doctor?" 

"Not unless it gets worse." He still believed it would all go away. It always went away. 

Millie glanced down at the untouched food on his plate. "Well, I guess I'm going to have to feed you then, aren't I." 

Knowing this strong, vital, powerful, man had to be embarrassed to be fed like a child, she was very matter of fact about it and chattered away to him while he ate, hoping he wouldn't dwell on what she was doing but knowing from the look of humiliation that haunted his beautiful eyes that he was. His silence broke her heart. 

**** 

By the time Millie went to Toby and CJ with what Jed was experiencing, she'd come to terms with it and knew that while it was out of the ordinary for Jed, it was not out of the ordinary for a person with M.S.. 

"We have to let him rest," she said. "When he wakes up he may be fine." 

The looks of shock and concern did not leave their faces. 

"Look," Millie added. "This is normal for an M.S. patient; he just needs to get some sleep. I suggest we leave him alone and let him rest." 

They agreed to do so, but Millie knew that the not knowing was driving them crazy. Still, she couldn't worry about CJ and Toby; she had somebody else she needed to inform about what was going on. Someone who was going to be far more upset than anyone else ever thought of being. 

"Hi, Abbey, how's India ?" Millie asked when her best friend came on the line. 

"India's fine, although I'm reminded quite frequently that the last time I was here I got pregnant," she laughed. "No chance of that happening this time with Jed a thousand miles away." 

"No, I guess not. We all watched your speech today while we prepared for take off. You were so good Abbey. Jed was so proud he was practically passing out cigars. Guess all those years as an adjunct lecturing at Harvard was good training. Who would have known that–" 

"What's wrong, Millie?" There was urgency to Abbey's question and she was no longer laughing. 

"What makes you think something's wrong?" 

"You didn't call to tell me how great my speech was, and you're babbling. You always babble when you're nervous. It's Jed, isn't it?" 

Millie inhaled sharply. "Now I don't want you to go panicking–" 

"Oh, God." Abbey sat down. "It's never good when someone tells you not to panic. Tell me straight, Millie." 

"He can't lift his arms. Doesn't have any feeling." 

"At ALL?" 

"No." 

"Oh, shit." 

Abbey was upset but she wasn't reeling, wasn't even particularly surprised. Millie grew suspicious. 

"You knew this was going to happen, didn't you?" 

"Of course I didn't KNOW it was going to happen. If I had, I certainly wouldn't be here thousands of miles away. But to be honest I was worried he might have a bit of a flare up." 

"Because of the flu?" 

"Yes. After he had the flu, Jed began experiencing some symptoms – difficulty seeing out of his right eye, some tremors in his right hand. We made a deal that if things got worse, he'd cancel the trip, and if they didn't, he'd bring you along just in case something happened." 

"Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't YOU tell me?" 

"You know Jed. He didn't want any 'hovering'." 

Millie grinned ruefully, that sounded like Jed all right. 

"I need to know, Millie. Did he walk on that plane unable to use his hands?" Abbey wasn't sure how she would handle another broken deal. 

"No, it hit him during supper. He said his arms just seemed to get heavier and heavier and then he couldn't feel anything." 

"What's he doing right now? Can I talk to him?" 

"He's sleeping. I figured rest would be the best medicine." 

"You're probably right. Will you have him give me a call on my cell when he wakes up?" 

"Of course. Abbey, I don't want you to worry. I'll take good care of him, I promise." 

"I know you will. I'm glad you're there with him." After she hung up, Abbey began to pace back and forth in her room with agitation. She was not going to be able to relax until she heard straight from Jed that he was doing okay. 

**** 

"Sir." CJ entered the darkened room where the President slept on the couch. 

"I thought you were going to let me rest," he grumbled. 

"We were, sir, but we need you to make a phone call to President Wang of South Korea . The South Koreans–" 

"CJ." Jed fought to control the insidious rise of panic. "I can't move." 

"Oh my God." CJ dropped the phone. "Do you mean at all?" 

"I can't feel anything from my neck down." 

Terror ripped through CJ, and not only for her president and what that meant for the summit, but also for a man she had come to love as she would a big brother. How had this happened? Jed Bartlet had run up the stairs of Air Force One, waved heartily to the gathered crowd and now just a few hours later he was completely paralyzed. It didn't make sense. 

"CJ." 

"Yes, sir," CJ fought back tears. 

"Don't lose it." 

"Yes, sir." CJ pulled herself together. She had a job to do. The President was counting on her. "I'm going to get Millie and the flight doctor." 

Within minutes Millie and the doctor arrived and Jed was strapped onto a stretcher and brought down to the infirmary. 

God, he HATED this. Unable to move, strapped down flat on his back like an invalid; it was his worst nightmare and it was happening now. Already he was a patient, ignored while Millie gave the flight doctor his symptoms of progressive paralysis and Toby, CJ, and Kate argued about whether to land in Fairbanks , Alaska or Anchorage . Well, he was no fucking INVALID. He might not be able to move but he sure as hell could think and speak. 

"We aren't landing in Alaska," he said firmly. "I have better doctors up here than they have down there. We have to deal with this; we always knew this day might happen." 

"No, Mr. President, I didn't know," CJ said sadly. And it was the truth. She hadn't known just how devastating it would be to see Jed Bartlet strapped on a stretcher, unable to move. It was a blow and she was still trying to recover. 

"I'm ready for it," he said firmly. "You better be too. This plane is going to China. That's a direct order from your Commander-in-Chief." 

**** 

When her cell phone rang, Abbey nearly jumped out of her skin. Quickly she flipped it open. "Jed?" 

"No, it's Millie." 

"Where's Jed, Millie?" Abbey felt the sudden urge to cry. She knew before Millie spoke that it was bad news." 

"We're giving him IV's right now. Oh, honey, there's no easy way to tell you this." 

"Just tell me," her voice was barely a whisper. 

"He's paralyzed – can't feel anything from the neck down." 

Abbey froze. She felt as if she'd just been kicked in the gut and had the breath knocked out of her. She sat, dropped her forehead into her hand and felt the tears pool hotly beneath her closed lids. 

"Abbey, Abbey, are you there?" 

"I'm here." Millie could hear the tears in her voice. 

"Hey, this is M.S., remember? He could be fine in a couple hours." 

"Or not." 

"Don't think that way, Abbey. You have to be positive, for yourself and for Jed." 

"Oh, dammit, Millie, I should BE there with him. He must be so scared." 

"Actually he's blustering like a bear with a thorn in his paw. He's not giving up the trip to China." 

That was when Abbey truly knew just how frightened Jed really was. Her husband covered his fear in anger and the more fearful he was the angrier he got. Not that he would ever let anyone see that he was afraid. Fear was a weakness and he'd been taught growing up that weakness for him was not acceptable. She was the only one he would let his guard down with. The only one he would let see his pain and fear, but at times even she had a hard time getting through to him. She couldn't bear the idea of him paralyzed, terrified, and in desperate need of someone to hold him and let him know that it was all going to be all right. He needed his wife right now not only his staff. Her one thought was that she had to get to him. 

"I'm flying out now, Millie. I'll meet Air Force One in Beijing." 

**** 

"He wants to see you, all of you." 

CJ froze and cast a worried glance at Toby and Kate. Truth be told, she wasn't sure if she wanted to go and see the President. Each time she'd been in to see him his physical abilities had seemed to deteriorate from being fine, to not being able to move his hands, to finally full paralysis. It was with extreme trepidation that she followed Toby and Kate into the infirmary. She hadn't realized that she was holding her breath until she saw the President and let it out, a look of confusion crossing her face. An hour ago he'd been flat on his back belted onto a stretcher, his hair mussed and his shirt unbuttoned exposing his chest for the exam to come. Now he sat up in a chair immaculately dressed in a crisp white business shirt and gray vest, his hair combed neatly into place. In spite of the IV that was still attached to his arm, it was as if nothing had ever happened. He was as he always was – strong, assured, and powerful, letting them know he'd handled the problem with South Korea and they could move forward now. 

CJ was barely listening to what he had to say. The difference in the man's appearance could not have been more profound and she could see from the looks on Toby's and Kate's faces that they too had been affected. Finally he came to the heart of the matter and got his Chief of Staff's attention. 

"CJ, we need to set up a quick press briefing for the gang in the back of the plane right away." He wasn't going to be able to hide from this relapse and knew that it was best he meet the questions head on himself. Show them that other than being unable to walk he was absolutely fine and completely able to govern. 

"Mr. President, are you–" 

"My left hand is back," he smiled almost sheepishly, his relief apparent. "I still have no feeling in my legs and my right arm is in no shape to be shaking hands all over China." 

"Are you in pain?" Toby asked softly. Like CJ, he'd found it very difficult to see the President stricken like this. The M.S. had always been there hovering in the back of their minds, but intellectually knowing and physically seeing were two different things entirely. 

"I'm fine," Jed assured him. "As long as I don't attempt any superhuman feats like, say, writing my name. Okay," he looked to the agent in the room. "Let's get started." The agent left and Jed continued. "All right, look when we get out there I'll lead off with the M.S. thing then go on to the South Korea story. I'll leave it to you, Millie, to get into any medical details if anyone has any questions about that." 

"Oh, I think they might have a few– hundred," CJ stated. 

"I'm just going to tell them that the President of the United States will be working from a wheelchair again." 

"Again?" CJ frowned. 

"FDR," Toby reminded her. 

"Do I really have to remind those kids that Roosevelt fought World War II from a wheelchair?" 

"Yeah, but–" 

Jed sighed. Leave it to Toby to find the negative. "Yeah, but he died in office. Okay, I'll skip the Roosevelt bit." That in spite of the fact that being in a wheelchair had not killed Franklin Roosevelt – high blood pressure, heart disease, and finally a stroke was what had done that great man in. 

Jed watched the agent re-enter the room. Determined to lead by example, he reacted to the arrival of his wheelchair as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "Bring that thing over here would you," he said nonchalantly. 

The agent opened it and three pairs of eyes snapped toward it. Jed saw the shock, the pity. Pity was something he simply couldn't stand for. 

"How much you want to bet I can make them ask me a question about South Korea ?" he quipped. 

Surprised by the President's cavalier attitude, CJ's head quickly turned with confusion. It was only then that she realized what he was doing – what he wanted – a sense of normalcy. Being maudlin about things was the last thing Jed Bartlet would want. Betting was something they did all the time. 

"How much you got?" she asked, playing along. 

When the deal had been made, CJ went to the back of the plane to alert the press to the President's imminent arrival. Outside the press area, in the aisle between the seats of the plane, Curtis moved to push Jed's wheelchair forward but Jed would be damned if he would allow himself to be pushed in to face the media. He would make it there on his own accord. 

"No, I'll take it from here," he said. 

That was easier said than done. The damn thing was ancient – no power buttons to propel him forward. There was still an IV in his hand and he had only recently regained feeling in his arms, let alone strength. His right hand still trembled and was weak. It was only through sheer force of will that he was able to grit his teeth and push the wheels of the chair making it slowly, agonizingly slowly, inch forward. Recognizing that he'd actually made the chair move, a small light of accomplishment touched Jed's face and he picked up a rhythm, mostly with his stronger left arm. Funny how it was his left arm that was stronger, he thought with amusement. Within moments he was wheeling himself with increasing speed as if it were something he'd done all his life. If the press thought they were going to be confronted by a weakened, defeated, man they were in for a big surprise. 

**** 

While the First Lady was flying in from New Delhi, the President was speaking to the press and his staff was busy rearranging the summit to better fit the President's limitations, Bob Russell, Vice President of the United States was busy himself. Busy offering condolences as if the President were on his death bed. Busy trying to play up the relapse to make it look as if Jed was no longer in control. Busy trying to assert his authority. 

If Josh had ever given a moment's thought to backing Bob Russell in the next election that thought was gone after watching Vice President's press conference. It made him physically sick to listen to that man, inferior in every way to Jed Bartlet, twist things around in an attempt to turn a great man into a tragic figure, all for his own advancement. It was the very worst of politics. 

"Makes you sick, doesn't it?" Leo said. It didn't take a genius to read the disgust on Josh's face. 

"He's NOT having a cabinet meeting. The President is doing just fine without Bingo Bob trying to step in and play president." 

"Still not a fan?' 

"What do you think?" 

Leo shrugged. He still regretted the necessity of picking Bob Russell to succeed John Hoynes. 

"Will wants me to hop on board the Russell train to Election '06." 

"You gonna do it?" 

"I gave the idea a once over." 

"Want some advice?" 

Josh had already made up his mind but nodded anyway. He never turned down advice from Leo McGarry. 

"You gotta want to work for him and you gotta want him to win. You want that?" 

"I wanna give Jed Bartlet a third term. Everyone else pales in comparison." 

"Yeah," Leo agreed. "Jed was a once in lifetime candidate, president. Be thankful you had the experience of working for him and pick a guy you can live with. Who knows? You might be surprised." 

Josh nodded but both he and Leo knew that Jed Bartlet had set the bar so high, no one in their lifetime would ever come close. 

**** 

Stupid, stupid, Abbey. How the hell could you have been so damn stupid? Pacing in her suite on Air Force Two, Abbey paused to glance out the window for what seemed like the hundredth time. Air Force One had landed close to fifteen minutes ago and yet she still hadn't been allowed to board. Knowing that she was driving Amy and her staff nuts with her nervous energy, she had gone to her suite – ostensibly to rest – but that had been a joke. She hadn't been able to sit still since they had taken off from New Delhi. It had been all she could do to keep from rushing the cockpit and urging to pilot to fly faster. 

She was in the process of calling herself every name in the book for allowing Jed to convince her not to cancel her trip to India when Amy poked her head in and said she would be allowed to board Air Force One. She didn't need to be told twice. Having spoken again to Millie, she'd been told that Jed was in better shape but she wouldn't believe that until she saw him in person. Racing across the tarmac, she ignored the agents and the marines that moved to attention and rushed up the stairs to the plane. Inside, Jed's people were talking about some kind of problem with a hydraulic lift but Abbey tuned that out completely; her eyes searching for her husband. 

"Where is he?" she asked. There would be no niceties. Kate pointed to the room behind them and Abbey continued on. 

Entering the room, she saw her husband seated in a wheelchair looking far better than she had expected. Tears welled in her eyes but she swallowed past the lump in her throat, forcing them back. Jed needed her strength now, not her tears. 

"You sure picked a hell of a way to get out of shaking 200 hands," she said, hands on her hips. 

Jed smiled with relief at her sassiness. "Whatever works." 

Abbey bent down, kissed him lightly on the lips then brushed her lipstick off with her thumb. "How are you feeling?" 

"I still can't feel my legs, but my arms are okay." 

She could only imagine how terrified he'd been when he'd woken up completely paralyzed but the time to talk about all that was not now. Seeing that Millie had followed her in, she moved quickly from wife to doctor. 

"Did you run the SSFP?" she asked. 

"Yes, it shows severe conduction delay. We're at 85% loss of nerve function in the lower limbs." 

"Spinal lesion?" 

"That's our best guess. We'll do an MRI." 

"An MRI isn't going to tell us anything we don't already know." 

Millie didn't take Abbey's irritation personally. It was her worry for Jed that caused her to be short. That and her frustration with the inability to do what she did best – identify the problem and go in and take it out or patch it up. With all her medical training, all her expertise and accolades, Abbey could not fix what was wrong with the person she loved most in the world. Being a physician herself, Millie understood Abbey's feelings of impotence and her need to rage at the injustice of it all. 

Seated in the back of the room, Jed was getting antsy. There was nothing he hated more than being discussed as if he were not in the room and he was tired of waiting to get off this damn plane. He turned to Curtis, his new body man who was about twice the size of Charlie, and asked him to stage a prison break. Abbey's eyes widened with horror when she saw Curtis carrying Jed out the door. 

"Jed!" she cried and followed the two men down the hall. "Jed, what are you doing?!" She didn't receive an answer and instead held her breath, watching with shock and fear, terrified that Curtis might drop him down the flight of stairs. Then when it became apparent that he would not do so, she felt a combination of sadness and pride. Sadness because she knew how terribly difficult it must have been for Jed to set aside his dignity and allow himself to be carried like a child and pride because he had been able to do just that, his determination to continue on, to persevere, overriding any embarrassment he might have felt. 

**** 

"The doctor's on his way up." 

"I don't want the doctor." 

"I don't care, frankly." Abbey was more than a little irritated with her husband. She, Millie and Dr. Strenlow had all asked him to rest before throwing himself into the summit meetings but Jed, being the stubborn jackass he could be at times, had ignored them all. Now he lay exhausted in their bed at the St. Regis, CJ having called an end to his meeting with the excuse of a phone call at Jed's subtle prompting. It told Abbey something that Jed had actually given in to his fatigue and called an end to his participation himself. 

"I just need to close my eyes for fifteen minutes." 

"He has to take a look." 

"He's just going to tell me to lie down. Mission accomplished. It's the jet lag." 

"Huh, jet lag," Abbey scoffed. 

He glanced up to see Millie wandering around the room. "I have two doctors here; clearly you don't know what to do with yourselves." 

"It's NOT the jet lag," Abbey re-iterated. "Strenlow told you, Millie told you, and I told you that the fatigue could be overwhelming and you should take it easy. You elected not to do that and here we are." 

"Leo tells me there's an asteroid coming to hit the earth. Maybe we should sit quietly for a few minutes and ponder that." 

Abbey shook her head. "You're incorrigible, you know." 

"Part of my charm." He yawned, and Abbey could see his eyes growing heavy. She stood, brushed the hair back off his forehead and kissed him there. 

"Get some sleep, babe, you'll feel better." 

"You lay down with me?" 

Abbey glanced at Millie. 

"I'll ward off Strenlow," said her best friend. "He can give Jed the once over when he wakes up. You could both use some rest." 

"Thanks, Millie." Kicking off her heels, Abbey untucked her blouse from her skirt and climbed up on the bed next to Jed. He rolled toward her and she pulled his cheek against her chest settling him in against the softness of her breasts. He never saw the silent tear that trickled down her cheek as they both fell asleep in the security of each other's arms. 

**** 

Hours later after going back and forth on what Jed could and couldn't do, Abbey lay stretched out on the bed still in the suit she'd worn to her meeting with Mrs. Li-An and the other wives of the Chinese cabinet and Jed was in the bathroom with the door open. 

"I was able to get hold of all the girls earlier. Liz and Doug will be bringing the kids over for Christmas." 

"If they had other plans, I'm not dying. There's no need to rush to the bedside." 

Abbey gave a soft laugh. "They aren't rushing to your bedside." Sitting up she swung her legs over the bed and began padding barefoot toward the bathroom. "Did you talk to Li-An about the AIDS clinics?" Her question was rewarded with silence. "Jed...JED–" Pushing the bathroom door open further, she gasped when she saw her husband standing in front of his wheelchair, leaning against the sink to brush his teeth. 

"What the hell are you doing?!" she snapped. In a panic, she rushed forward. "Oh, you're going to crack your head open!" She grabbed for the chair while Jed continued to brush his teeth. "This chair isn't even LOCKED!" 

"Abbey, leave it." he grumbled. For the first time all day, he'd felt a semblance of normality standing at the sink and he didn't want Abbey fussing over him. He was tired of being treated like an invalid, of being treated like anything less than he was. Abbey continued working on the chair behind him muttering angrily. 

"Abbey, leave it," he ordered. "Oh, for Goddsake–" He made a move to turn around and suddenly lost his balance. He tried to reach for the chair but met only air, his legs refusing to hold his weight as they buckled beneath him and he crashed to the floor with a sickening thud. 

"Jed!" Abbey shrieked and immediately sank to the floor at his side shouting for Michael, the agent stationed outside their bedroom. Michael rushed in, assessed the situation and joined the First Lady on the floor attempting to help her lift the President. 

"I'm FINE," an embarrassed Jed insisted. "Get out!" 

"Jed," Abbey pleaded. "Please let him help." 

Furious at his helplessness, Jed lashed out. "GET OUT!" 

Seeing that the President wasn't in any immediate danger, Michael left the room. 

Breathing heavy with the exertion and adrenalin rush, Abbey crawled closer to Jed. 

"Okay, so now will you let me help you?" she asked. 

"Don't touch me!" Jed spat, shrugging away from the hand she reached out to him. 

Stung, Abbey sat back allowing him to regain his composure. She knew he was not lashing out at her, but at the disease that had put him on this floor. 

"What the hell am I doing here," he finally said. 

"Apparently, you like the tile," she sassed. 

"Abigail. I swear to God. WASTED time." 

"No, it's not. Maybe you're not going to skin the whole cat, but you're gonna make some headway." 

"Is that so?" 

God, she hated when he got bitter and sarcastic. "You're going to get your North Korea talks." 

"Are you out of your mind? Li-An's walking all over my staff. I'm in ONE meeting the whole day. All they did was feed me Ginseng tea with deer horn glue. You see it's the thing for the nerve damage but that meant I had to piss every twelve minutes which is more of an ordeal than it was when I could stand without assistance. The new kid Curtis and I are becoming very close." 

Abbey inhaled deeply trying to ease the pain in her heart. It hurt her to think of the humiliation Jed must have felt each time he had to deal with his bodily functions with the help of another person. Being fed by Millie was bad enough, but taking care of something like that was so personal. Still, it was something he had to learn to deal with. "Whatever it takes," she said softly. 

"I didn't have time to get to the AIDS clinics, Abbey." She heard the shame creep into his voice and hated it. "This is their dream come true. Me stuck in that DAMN wheelchair. Decisions are made in the room. I am NOT in the room. I can't do this job, Abbey. I can't do it. I cannot do this job. LOOK – AT – ME!" He slammed his fists furiously into his useless legs. 

Abbey was silent swallowing back emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. Jed was breaking her heart and she had to fight the urge to gather him into her arms and hold him. Instead she rose to her knees, crawled to him and cradled his face in her hands. He tried to look away but she refused to let him. 

"I AM looking at you, Jed. I am looking at a courageous and determined man. You could have taken the easy way out. You could have cancelled the summit. You could have turned the plane around or landed in Alaska, but you didn't. For years you've been telling me of the danger North Korea presents to the world and you put dealing with that ahead of your health and personal dignity. You don't think I know how much it COSTS you to have Curtis have to hold you while you pee or how you felt when Millie had to feed you? I KNOW. But, you didn't let it destroy you. You didn't hide away. You're fighting back with grit and determination." She didn't even realize that she was crying until she felt the warm tears drip from her jaw onto the hands that held Jed's face. 

"Oh, Jed, baby, I AM looking at you and I don't see THIS." She cast a disparaging hand toward his numb lower limbs. "I see a fighter in your eyes and I see a great and noble man in your heart. What you are trying to do here is nothing short of heroic and whatever happens or doesn't happen in the summit, I want you to know how very proud I am of you." 

He closed his eyes, his anger dissipating. "I just hate this, Abbey. I HATE it." Wearily, he banged his head back against the wall. "I hate being fussed over and treated like an invalid or a child. I want them to see ME, Abbey, not this damn disease." 

"Then you'll make them see you. This will pass, Jed. It's a relapse. You'll get some rest and be as good as new before you know it." 

"You don't think you're being a little optimistic?" He gave her a shaky smile. 

"A little optimism never hurt anyone." 

He nodded. "I get it. I guess the pity party is over." 

She smiled back tenderly. "Yes, it is." 

"Well then, I'm going to need a little help getting up off my ass." 

"Why do you think God invented wives?" 

Outside the room, Michael heard their laughter, something he sure hadn't expected to hear after witnessing what he had in the bathroom. He sighed with relief that for the moment all was well. 


	31. Altered Lives

By the last day of the three-day summit, it was quite obvious that the China talks, regarded with such hope when planned, had turned out to be a complete waste of time. Jed had only been allowed in one to two meetings a day, and then only for limited amounts of time. Because of those time restraints, he had been unable to achieve his goal of setting the groundwork for talks with North Korea. As far as Jed was concerned, all the agreements that he and Li-An were signing in front of the press and their staffs (a singular bright spot being that his right hand was back in form again) were nothing – window dressing – and that ate at him for he was not a quitter. The entire trip had been a bust. He might as well be the cardboard cut out he had told CJ mockingly to send in his place to the signings. Ruminating over those cynical thoughts, Abbey's words worked their way through Jed's bitterness to form the germ of an idea. MAKE them see you, she had said. Without looking up at Li-An, he spoke. 

"I wonder if it would be possible to say hello to former President Chang before we leave the country." 

Li-an stopped signing and glanced at Jed with a look that Jed found gratifying. The look he was used to getting – speculation combined with respect, wariness and a certain amount of fear. Li-an was worried about a meeting between Jed and Chang – worried that Chang, with Jed's help, would usurp his precarious authority. Within moments he had agreed to private talks with the United States President. 

"They're leaving," Kate said. 

"What?" CJ turned, saw the two presidents entering a private room. 

"Do you know anything about this?" CJ asked Abbey. 

"Not me," Abbey shook her head. 

"We're supposed to be leaving in fifteen minutes." 

"Well, you should know by now that predictability is not a trait attributable to my husband." 

Abbey's gaze fell to the door behind which her husband was going to work. A quick smile touched her lips. Good for you, Jed. Make him see you. 

**** 

Standing outside the room over an hour later with CJ, Kate and Millie, Abbey was no longer smiling. 

"You have to pull him out of there," Millie said to CJ. 

CJ was clearly torn, unsure of how to handle this new balancing act that had been thrust upon her. "If he's having trouble, he'd say something." 

"It's been an hour and forty minutes," Millie stressed. "I mean there is a cost in this disease." She turned an imploring look to Abbey, the one person who could override even CJ. 

Every instinct she possessed screamed at Abbey to pull her husband from that meeting, but fighting those instincts were flashes of Jed's determination. The way he'd allowed himself to be carried down the stairs of the plane, the way he'd sat on the bathroom floor railing at his inability to accomplish what he'd set out to do. This was what he'd feared most, his disease defining him. He'd been willing to go through so much to make it this far, she had to give him this moment. 

"The President's made his choice, Millie," she said firmly. "He'll come out when he wants to come out." 

"Here they come now," Kate said. 

"Finally," Abbey sighed, her relief apparent as she rushed to Jed's side. "It's about time," she said as she took his hand and began walking alongside the wheelchair. 

"He's a talker," Jed quipped, squeezing Abbey's hand in acknowledgment of what she'd allowed him to do. He hadn't missed the relief that had softened her tense face or the worry that clouded her eyes and knew what it had cost her to let him stay in that meeting far longer than she knew was good for him. Her loyalty to him touched him deeply. She was a strong woman, his wife, and he sure didn't make things easy for her at times. But she had a courageous love for him and she stood by his side with the same uncompromising loyalty that he felt for her. 

Brimming with confidence and good spirits, Jed spent the trip to the airport filling them all in on the negotiating he'd done. By the time they were boarding Air Force One, he was giving them the last of the details for the talks that he'd arranged for early April. 

"I could kiss you on your married mouth," CJ said with enthusiasm. 

"Watch yourself," Abbey warned. 

"I would like to be the one to tell Leo McGarry this son of a gun just lassoed us a North Korea summit. The man is a force of nature," CJ beamed with pride. 

Secretly pleased by the excitement and words of gratification being heaped upon her husband, Abbey led the procession down the aisle of the plane toward their suite at which point CJ, Toby and Kate broke off to make their phone calls. 

Millie went into the suite with Abbey and Jed. "They're planning a ticket tape parade for you," she said to him with a smile. She, too, was pleased with Jed's accomplishments, especially after having seen him at his very worst. 

Bending to take Jed's jacket off so he'd be more comfortable, Abbey frowned upon seeing the sweat that beaded his forehead and trickled down his hairline. She laid a hand over his chest and was shocked to find that his shirt was soaking wet. "You've sweat right through your clothes," she said. "We better get you out of this chair. Come on, Curtis, give me a hand." 

"I need...I need a minute," Jed choked out. Abbey's head snapped back around, a quick stab of panic lancing her chest as she was forced to see what a toll Jed's efforts had taken on him – and what a good show he'd been putting on for them all. His skin had taken on a gray quality and he was having a hard time breathing. But what really spurred her to action was the fear she saw shining desperately in his beautiful eyes. 

"Millie!" 

Millie's smile disappeared at the terror in Abbey's voice. Quickly she rushed to her side, and the two of them began working to loosen Jed's clothes. Millie worked at his tie and unbuttoned his shirt leaving his belt and pants for Abbey. 

"You're going to be just fine, sweetheart," Abbey assured him. "Looks like you went and got yourself dehydrated. You didn't drink anything, did you?" 

"Didn't wanna...pee," he said hoarsely. 

"I'll go get Dr. Strenlow," Millie said. 

Jed could barely keep his eyes open. He was dizzy with exhaustion. "Lay down?" he asked Abbey. 

"Yes, of course. Curtis." 

Curtis lifted Jed from the chair and laid him back on the bed. Abbey had just removed his pants, leaving him in his boxers when Millie came back with the flight doctor. Seeing that the door had been left open after their entrance, Abbey moved to close it and give Jed the privacy he deserved. As she shut the door, she saw CJ and Toby staring worriedly at the room. Well, there was nothing she could do about that now. Right now her priority was her husband not their president. 

Strenlow gave a quick exam and declared that it was as Abbey had suspected. The President was exhausted and dehydrated. He'd been sweating profusely from the effort of sitting up and when combined with not drinking anything because he hadn't wanted to take any bathroom breaks, his body was screaming for fluids. 

Abbey ran a cool cloth over his forehead murmuring words of loving encouragement while Strenlow attached him back up to an IV to replace the fluids he'd lost. When there wasn't anything more they could do, other than let Jed rest, Millie and Dr. Strenlow left the President and First Lady to their privacy. Abbey continued to run a cool cloth soothingly over Jed's face, chest and arms. 

"You're making me regret not yanking you out of that meeting, you know," she said. 

"Sorry," he rasped and managed a weak smile, although his eyes remained closed. 

"Don't be sorry. I'm so proud of you, babe." He opened his eyes with tired surprise."But I don't want you pulling anything like this ever again," she warned. 

"Don't fuss." 

"Don't fuss? This from the man who held back my hair while I threw up, changed my clothes, threatened to take my temperature rectally if I didn't do as he demanded and who left a party to bring me honey and whiskey laced tea." 

Another weak smile curved Jed's lips. "Quid...pro...quo?" 

"Not at all." She bent and kissed his forehead. "Marriage." 

**** 

It was over an hour later before Abbey left the bedroom leaving the door widely ajar and joined Millie in the small sitting room just off the bedroom. Millie watched her drop to the couch, kick her heels off and lean forward with elbows on her thighs to bury her face wearily into her hands. 

"Abbey, you okay?" 

Abbey looked up. Dark circles lay under eyes shining with unshed tears. "I don't know, Millie. I feel like I can't even think straight." 

Millie rose from her chair and moved to sit next to Abbey on the couch leaning her shoulder against her friend's. 

"You're just tired. You'll both feel better when you get some rest." 

Abbey stared straight ahead, her voice breaking as she spoke. "I'm scared, Millie. I'm really, really scared." 

"Oh, sweetie, I know you are." Millie turned Abbey pulling her into her embrace and held her. "It's going to get better. You have to hold onto that." 

Abbey pulled back, her face ravaged with fear. "What if it doesn't? What if this it? What if Jed is moving into secondary progressive?" 

"Oh, come on now. Don't go counting your chickens. Jed's been lucky; his M.S. has been pretty benign so far and we don't have any reason to believe that this is anything more than a particularly tough relapse brought about from his bout with the flu and exacerbated by the way he has pushed himself. 

"I know, I know. Look, don't listen to me. I'm just worn out." 

"Of course you are." The weight of physical and emotional fatigue was obviously catching up to her normally indefatigable best friend. "And, I know how worried you are." 

"God," Abbey rubbed her eyes, "I don't know how Jed's going to take it if this turns out to be more than just a relapse. He's so scared and he's trying so damn hard to pretend that he isn't." 

"If anyone can get him through whatever it is that's happening, it's you. You can handle this, Abbey." 

"You think?" 

"I know." Millie stood, lifted Abbey's legs and pulled them up onto the couch, twisting her so that she lay down. "You know when I look at you and Jed now, I often think of what you said to me while we were getting dressed to go to the party where you met him. How prophetic it was." 

Abbey turned a puzzled look her best friend's way. "What did I say?" 

Millie settled a warm throw over Abbey then squished in to sit beside her prone form on the couch. "You asked me if there was something wrong with you because you couldn't seem to feel any depth of emotion for any guy you dated. Everything you felt, even for the few months you were with Ron, was surface deep – affection and friendship. Other girls wept with broken hearts or rhapsodized about the love of their lives, but you were worried because you'd never felt that strongly about any boy or man and you wondered if you had it in you to feel that deeply." 

"I remember that now." Abbey smiled softly at the memory of the young, confused woman she had been – a young woman still struggling to find herself. "And then that night I met Jed." 

"You did. And within a few dates all your worries about feeling deeply were over." 

"My first, last, and only experience with soul deep, everlasting love." 

She could still remember the excitement she'd felt when dressing for her first date with Jed and the warmth of delight that had spread through her when he'd shown up at her dorm for that date carrying both a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolate covered cherries. It wasn't only the sweet, old fashioned gesture that had warmed her, or that no boy or young man had ever picked her up thusly, but because he had remembered from their conversation a few nights earlier at the party where they'd met that she loved chocolate covered cherries. It had touched her deeply to think that he'd truly been listening to what she'd had to say and it was that night that her infatuation had begun its quick descent into love. The deep, permanent, 'I would die for you', kind of love that lasted to this day. 

"Do you know how rare that is? How lucky you are that you still feel that?" 

"As a matter of fact I do." 

"And that's why you'll get Jed through this and why you will get through it too; because there is nothing the two of you can't get through together." 

Abbey nodded tiredly and yawned. "Of course you're right." 

"Of course," Millie grinned, affectionately pushing the hair back off Abbey's face. "Now you get some sleep; it's a long flight." 

"Will you stay here?...I...uh...I'd rather not be alone," she admitted sheepishly. 

"I'm not going anywhere. You've got the most comfortable suite on the whole damn plane." 

Abbey reached out, squeezed Millie's hand with a smile. "Thanks, Mill. I appreciate everything you've done for us and I'm sorry if I've been bitchy." 

"Hey, what are friends for? And, by the way, I'm used to you being bitchy." She chuckled when Abbey gave her a little smack on the thigh. "Now, get some sleep," she continued as she got to her feet. "I'll wake you if Jed needs you." 

Her assurance and the wide open door were not enough for Abbey. She woke a few hours later with the compelling need to check on her husband. Quietly she made her way back into the darkened bedroom. Reassured by the sound of his even, measured, breathing, she reached for his wrist to check his pulse while her eyes fell on the IV bag making sure it didn't need to be changed. A gentle swipe of her hand against his cool, dry, forehead and cheek told her that his temperature had been regulated. He was sleeping peacefully, comfortably. Carefully, she stretched out beside him. There was just enough light in the room for her to take in the strength of his jaw, the curve of his mouth, the way that his tawny lashes brushed against his cheeks. Overwhelmed by the need to connect with this man she loved so deeply, needing his comfort as much as he needed hers, she curled into him. Instinctively, his hand moved to cover hers where it lay softly over his heart. 

Give him strength, Lord, Abbey prayed through her silent tears. He needs You now more than ever. 

**** 

Jed woke a bit later and was, for a moment, disoriented. Then it all came flooding back to him. He was partially paralyzed. Fighting sleep had been a losing battle, even though a part of him had fought the urge, afraid of what might happen while he slept. Afraid that he'd pushed himself too far and when he woke up he might be completely paralyzed again. Hesitantly, he began to assess his situation. At some point Abbey had come in to lie with him and his left hand was resting over the soft swell of her rear. Abbey often teased him about the way that even in his sleep his hands always found their way to her butt and her boobs. He gently squeezed her buttock, gratified to note that his upper body was still as it had been. He could feel Abbey's breath against his nipple, the warmth of her hand on his chest. And his hands were working just as they were supposed to work. His legs, however, were another story. Disappointed, he found that he still could not feel anything from his waist down and now, thanks to all the fluids he'd been given, his bladder was full. He nearly groaned at what a project it was going to be to get to the bathroom. Who would have ever thought it would take planning simply to take a piss. He hated this. Hated feeling so damn helpless. 

"Jed?" Abbey's voice was husky with sleep. 

"Sorry, did I wake you?" 

"I usually do wake up when someone squeezes my butt." 

"Someone? I better be the only 'someone' squeezing your butt," he grumbled. Abbey grinned. Her Jed was back. And, she was encouraged to see that his color was much better. 

"Are you in pain?" she asked when he grimaced and squirmed. 

"I have to pee," he admitted. 

"Well, why didn't you say so? Let me get Curtis." 

"Can we not make this a huge project? I can use my upper body now. I'll just need a little help." 

Abbey eyed the wheelchair a tad skeptically but finally agreed to give it a whirl. She pushed the chair to the edge of the bed and helped him slide into it, following behind him as he wheeled into the bathroom. The fact that it was such a small bathroom actually worked to their advantage. With just a bit of help, he was able to pull himself up to his feet using the sink then braced himself against the wall while leaning heavily against Abbey. He wasn't, however, able to get his drawers down and take care of that part of things while he was using every bit of energy to hold himself upright. Without a word, Abbey took care of things while Jed struggled with the humiliation. He felt like Nicholas being potty trained by his mommy. 

"God, I hate this," he muttered. 

"Hate what?" she asked, while washing her hands. 

"Hate depending on other people for help like this." 

She stopped wiping her hands on the towel and turned to him. "I'm not 'other people', Jed. I'm ME. I'm your wife." 

"Doesn't make it any less humiliating." 

She settled him back in his chair, crossed her arms under her breasts and cocked her brow at him. "You watched me give birth six times, gumdrop. This doesn't even come CLOSE to evening up the score." 

Jed shook his head with a snort of laughter. Being with Abbey always made him feel better. "Touché, my love, touché." 

It was after midnight when Air Force One touched down at Andrews and there was no arguing about going straight to bed when they got back to the White House. Well, straight to bed with a little pit stop to the nursery to peek in on the children. 

Peering in on the innocent little, sleep-flushed faces of their twins, Jed felt a terrific pang in his chest. His eyes fell to the wheels of his wheelchair and he couldn't help but wonder how the children were going to accept his new lack of mobility, or as Abbey called it, his new way of being mobile. Even in pre-school, children picked up on what their parents talked about and he and Abbey had agreed they needed to speak with the children themselves about the relapse before they heard about it from someone else. The two of them had both spoken with each child on the phone as soon as they landed in China explaining in terms they could understand that Daddy had a sickness that sometimes made his legs tired and that he was going to have to rest them for a while so he could get better. So, if they saw him on TV in a wheelchair they shouldn't be upset about it. They seemed to have accepted the news calmly, their extreme youth an advantage. But even so, it worried Jed to think that they might be upset or even angry that he wouldn't be able to do the things he'd always done with them. Sighing, he started to wheel himself from the room already feeling upset and angry himself that he wouldn't be able to do the things he'd always done with them. 

"Abbey," he said once they got back to their bedroom. "What would you think about forgoing the hullabaloo of a farm Christmas and just celebrating a quiet Christmas here?" 

Abbey stopped unzipping her pants and gazed up with a surprised look that quickly turned to a frown. "Why?" 

"It'll just be a lot easier. We don't have elevators and ramps at the farm and I guess I'm just not in the mood for a lot of Christmas cheer." 

"Jed," she knelt before his chair. Depression was his problem, not ramps and elevators. "You're tired now. You'll feel better about things in a day or two. We can make it work at the farm. Let's not make any snap decisions." 

Inhaling deeply on a sigh, Jed placed his hand against Abbey's cheek. "Okay, we won't make any decisions tonight." 

**** 

"OW! What the hell?!" 

"Daddy, you said a bad word again." 

"What happened?!" Bathrobe flapping behind her, Abbey raced into the bedroom to see Jed sitting up with his palm slapped over his eye and Aislinn sitting innocently on the bed behind him. 

"Someone was trying to rip my eye out," Jed grumbled. 

Relieved to find that the problem had nothing to do with his M.S., Abbey turned suspicious eyes on her daughter. 

"Aislinn, did you do something to Daddy?" 

"I plucked his eyebrow," she said, proudly lifting her mother's tweezers. Abbey's fingers quickly moved to her lips to keep Aislinn from seeing her smile. 

"You what?" Jed's head swiveled to give his daughter a look of incredulity. 

"I'm making you pretty, Daddy. Mommy plucks her eyebrows." 

"That's because Mommy is a woman. Women pluck their eyebrows, not men." 

"That's not entirely true, Josiah B," Abbey said, wagging a finger at him. "Some men do pluck their brows." 

"Well, THIS man doesn't," Jed scowled. "Besides, I think she gouged me." 

Abbey sat on the bed and examined his brow. "There's not even a mark," she shook her head. "She just pulled out a hair. Stop being such a baby. Try having them waxed and shaped like I–" 

"Why's Daddy yelling?" Nicky ran into the room at full speed, tripped over Panda and grabbed onto Abbey's vanity to keep from falling. Several bottles of perfume fell from the table, one hitting the chair and shattering, the heavy, cloying scent of a full bottle of perfume instantly permeating the room. 

"Nicky, don't move!" Abbey's tone was sharp enough to cause the boy to freeze. 

Having seen her son's stocking feet amongst the glass, Abbey lifted him and set him on the bed calling Panda to follow suit. 

"I'm sorry, Mommy." Nicky's bottom lip trembled as he watched his mother bend to pick up the shards of glass from the carpet. "I didn't do it on purpose." 

"Good Lord," Jed groaned. "It smells like a French who...bordello in here." 

"What's a bordello, Daddy?" Aislinn asked. Abbey stood hands on hips, 'smartass' written all over her. "Yes, Jed, please do explain to your toddler daughter what a bordello is and while you're at it, you might want to try explaining to your wife how you know what one smells like." 

Jed was saved by a knock on the bedroom door. Nicholas scrambled from the bed eager to throw open the door to visitors. He grinned when he saw CJ and Leo. "It smells like a bordello in here," he told them. 

Startled by the statement, CJ and Leo looked to the sheepish First Couple. 

"A bordello, eh?" Leo grinned. "You Bartlets spend much time in bordellos, do you?" 

"Welcome home," Jed said to Abbey. 

"I'm not sure I wouldn't rather take my chances with the North Koreans," she sighed. 


	32. Altered Lives

Unsure of how the President's relapse would be affecting him, no meetings were set up for Jed's first full day back in Washington. Instead, he took it easy doing paperwork in his study in the Residence, which is where he was when he heard the door slowly open and the sound of little footsteps approaching him from behind. He waited until the child was closer before speaking in a deep, stern voice. 

"What do you think you're doing sneaking up on the President of the United States?" 

"Daddy," Nicholas stomped his foot. "I wanted to scare you!" 

"I don't scare that easily, my boy." He looked over his son's head to the agent at the door. "What kind of security are providing, Coop? How could you let this little imp get by you?" 

"Sorry, sir," Coop grinned. "He's too clever for us." 

Nicholas beamed at the agent, pride in his stealth written all over his face. 

Spinning around in his chair to confront the child, Jed watched the pride turn to curiosity as Nicholas took in the wheelchair and his father sitting in it. "Do your legs hurt, Daddy?" 

"Nope, not at all. They just aren't working very well right now." 

Nicholas nodded. "Mommy said they need to rest." 

Jed smiled. "Yes, they do." 

Confident now that he wouldn't hurt his father, Nicholas pulled the folder that Jed had been reading off his lap then clambered up. He laid his head against Jed's chest sighing deeply. 

"Something bothering you, buddy?" 

A war played out on Nicky's face until he finally blurted out what was troubling him. "Aislinn said I'm gonna get coal for Christmas." 

"She did? Now, why would she say a thing like that?" 

"'Cause I've been bad and Santa only comes to kids that been good." 

"How have you been bad?" 

"I pushed Aislinn." 

"Nicholas," the sternness was real this time, "you know better than to hurt your sister. It's never okay to push or hit ANYONE, but it's especially not okay to hit a girl." 

"I didn't hurt her," Nicholas scowled. "I made her mad." 

"I'm sure you did." Aislinn had the same fiery Irish temper that worked its way through him, his wife, and most of their offspring. "Why did you push her?" 

"'Cause she yelled at me. I don't like her to yell at me." 

"Nobody likes to be yelled at. Was there a reason that she yelled at you?" 

Nicholas stared at Jed's throat, unable to look his father in the eye. "I ate her house." 

Jed shook his head with confusion. "You ate what?" 

"We made gingerbread houses at school." 

"Ah, and you ate Aislinn's." 

Guiltily toying with the button on Jed's shirt, Nicholas nodded. "Uh huh." 

"Did Miss Sophie punish you?" 

"Uh huh. I had to give Aislinn my gingerbread house and I had to go to time out." 

"That sounds pretty fair to me. Why did you eat the house?" 

The boy glanced up at Jed as if he were daft. "I was hungry." 

Jed bit back his laughter. He could play it all out in his head now. "Are you sorry that you ruined Aislinn's gingerbread house?" 

"Yes. She put lots of candy on it." 

"Very tempting indeed, but did you tell her you're sorry?" 

"No. She's mad 'cause I pushed her." 

"Well, she has a right to be mad, don't you think? Wouldn't you be mad if she pushed you?" 

Nicholas sighed balefully. "Yes." 

"Well, why don't we go find her and you can tell her you're sorry. All kids make mistakes, Nick. The good thing is that if you really are sorry you can apologize and be forgiven." 

"Do grown ups make mistakes, Daddy?" 

"Yes, they do. Everyone makes mistakes." 

"Do YOU make mistakes?" The boy idolized his father and the idea that even HE made mistakes was rather shocking. 

"Oh, I make lots of mistakes, squirt." 

"Does Mommy make mistakes?" The skepticism was there. His mother was the strong, guiding force in Nicky's life and it was hard for him to believe that both his beloved father AND his all-knowing mother could both make mistakes at times. 

"Of course she does. Everyone does." 

"But you say you're sorry." 

"Yes. And I forgive people when they make mistakes that upset me. You know when we say our prayers at night and we say 'forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us'?" 

"Mhmmm.." 

"Well that just means you're asking God to forgive you for making mistakes just the way that you forgive others who make mistakes that hurt you. But there is a trick to that, something very important." 

"What's the trick?" 

"When you ask for forgiveness you have to REALLY be sorry for what you've done. You can't just be saying it because someone else tells you to or because you think you're supposed to. You need to tell Aislinn that you're sorry because YOU feel bad about what you did, not because I'm telling you to apologize." 

"I am sorry, Daddy. If I tell Aislinn, will Santa forgib me and not bring me coal. I don't want coal. I want a big dump truck." 

Jed smiled, brushing a lock of hair from Nicky's forehead, wondering if the boy even knew what coal was. "I think if you tell Aislinn very nicely that you're sorry, Santa will forgive you. You wanna go find her?" 

"Yes! Can I ride with you?" 

"Absolutely, hold on tight, here we go." Jed hit the button that propelled them forward and Nicholas shrieked with delight. It was far easier getting around in the new lightweight electric wheelchair than it was in the old manual one he'd had to use in China. 

Aislinn was in Abbey's study lying on the floor on her belly coloring in her large Disney Princess activity book. Looking up when she heard the commotion at the door, a smile of adoration lit her face when she saw her father. Jed's throat thickened. His daughter's love for him had not changed in the least, even if he was sitting in a wheelchair. 

"Can I have a ride in your chair too, Daddy?" she asked. 

"May I." Abbey spoke absently, not looking up from the paperwork she was reading at her desk. 

"May I have a ride in your chair, Daddy?" 

"Yes, sunshine," he ruffled her curls with a smile, "you may." He wasn't sure what he'd expected from the children when it came to his being in a wheelchair but the simple curiosity had been a blessing. 

"Nicky's gotta get down." 

"He will in just a minute. I want you to come up here with him for a minute." He lifted Aislinn onto his other thigh facing the children toward each other. "Nicholas has something he wants to say to you." 

"Sorry I ate your gingerbread house and pushed you, Aislinn. And I'm REALLY sorry. I'm not just sayin' it 'cause Daddy told me to." 

Aislinn shrugged. "Mommy's gonna make a new one with me. She said we can get purple gumdrops 'n everything." 

Jed held back a chuckle. Aislinn was every inch her mother's daughter. Quick to temper and equally quick to forgive and forget. It looked like Nicholas was more like him in that he tended to dwell on things and let them eat at him. 

"You gotta forgib me my passes, Aislinn." 

Aislinn's brow furrowed with confusion, a look that was mirrored by Abbey when she glanced up from her folder letting her reading glasses fall on their chain. 

"TRESpasses," Jed laughed. "He means that you need to forgive him for his mistakes if he promises never to do it again." 

"Do you promise?" Aislinn asked. 

"I promise," Nicholas said earnestly. "I won't eat your gingerbread house again. But..." The 'but' was pure Bartlet, no Bartlet ever wanted to be completely wrong. 

"But what?" Jed asked. 

"But can I eat my OWN gingerbread house when I make one?" 

"You MAY do whatever you want with your own gingerbread house," Abbey said. Then thinking the better of that statement knowing exactly what two toddlers could get up to with bags of candy and frosting she added "I mean you can either eat it or just use it for decoration." 

"Good catch," Jed winked. 

"It does help to have been around the block a few times, doesn't it?" 

**** 

It was just a few days before Christmas when Abbey took Nicholas and Aislinn to the little Christmas party that had been planned for the mothers and children in the teen-parenting group she had instituted at the clinic. The twins periodically went with her to the clinic on parenting class day to play with the other children with whom they had formed friendships and they always had a good time. But, today they couldn't stay too long, were in fact just making a quick appearance to help hand out gifts, sing a few carols and have a glass of punch before heading off to see the Washington Ballet's matinee performance of _The Nutcracker_. However, when it came time to leave, there were varying degrees of enthusiasm from the two children. Aislinn was brimming with excitement for she'd been looking forward to going to the performance ever since Abbey had read her the story of Clara and the Nutcracker. Nicholas, on the other hand, did not share his sister's excitement. He wanted to stay behind and play trucks with his friend Jerome. Abbey was bent over arguing with him to put his toys away when Aislinn tugged on her jacket. 

"Mommy, that lady just said your name." 

Abbey turned and stood. "Mrs. Morrill." 

"Hello, Dr. Bartlet. I heard that you were going to be here today and I wanted to come down and personally thank you for all that you've done for me and for my family." 

Abbey was slightly discomfited. "All I did was give you the name of a legal aid lawyer and put you in touch with someone from Community Bridges to help you get heat." 

"That would have been more than enough. But you did far more than that." 

Carol Morrill had come to the clinic over a month ago with symptoms that had turned out to be walking pneumonia. Her chart had said that she was forty-five years old but without having that chart in front of her Abbey would have placed the woman to be in her 60's. The years had not been kind to Carol Morrill. Her hair was lank, liberally streaked with gray, her face chapped and lined. The lack of nutrition and dental care was evident in her bad teeth and the weight of the world seemed to rest on her hunched over, defeated form. Working in the free clinic, Abbey thought that she would grow used to seeing what years of grinding poverty could do to a person but she found that it could still surprise – and deeply sadden – her. 

During her exam, the exhausted and terribly sick woman had broken down in tears and blurted out her whole miserable existence to an understanding and sympathetic – and secretly seething – Abbey. The woman was a widow living in a two-bedroom apartment that held eight members of her family. Two of those members were the children of her sister-in-law who had been killed in the same bus accident that had killed her husband and one was the baby of her teenaged daughter Stephanie who was a member of the parenting class Abbey and her children were celebrating the holiday with today. 

The apartment the family lived in was falling down around them. The landlord ignored the leaks in the ceiling and the problems with running water, never returning their calls and certainly never showing his face at the tenement where she lived. There wasn't enough money to heat the apartment and so on very cold nights, the whole family turned the stove up to five hundred degrees, opened the door, and everyone curled up together on the kitchen floor trying to stay warm. Survival was the key to Carol Morrill's existence. How she was going to keep her family from becoming homeless, how she was going to buy food for her children, and how she was going to put clothes on their backs. But her children were children and they wanted more than food and clothes. They cried because they didn't have a Christmas tree – everyone knew you had to have a Christmas tree if you expected Santa to leave you gifts. And Carol cried because she knew that Santa would not be leaving any gifts for the Morrill children or grandchildren. 

With the exam finished, Abbey had prescribed antibiotics and at least a week off from work. More bitter tears had been Carol's response. She wasn't considered a full time employee, didn't have health care benefits or sick days and there was no way that she could afford medication or taking time off from work. But, the woman had pneumonia and Dr. Bartlet wasn't about to take no for an answer. 

Getting right down to business, Abbey gave Carol a free sample of the antibiotic she needed and had personally written a note to her boss so that she wouldn't lose her job – after all, who was going to mess with the First Lady. She had gotten "Meals on Wheels" to deliver warm food to Carol and told her daughter to take the rest of the family to the local soup kitchen for their meals. And when it came to the seemingly insurmountable problems of her apartment and heating, Abbey had given her two business cards – one belonging to a legal aid lawyer to help take on her absentee landlord and the other to Community Bridges, a local company that donated fuel to the poor. 

But, those were all things any doctor working at a free clinic might do for a patient. What had moved Carol to come down to the clinic to see Dr. Bartlet in person was the personal interest that Abbey had taken in her and her family. The Christmas tree a young man named Curtis had delivered to her apartment. The big boxes containing ornaments and lights for the tree, winter coats, hats and mittens, presents for each of the children appropriate to age, an entire Christmas dinner including a twenty pound turkey and a big red envelope filled with enough cash to make up for the week that Carol had to take off from work. The donation had been made anonymously but Carol had known right away who was behind it, just as she could see now that Abbey wasn't going to openly accept credit for it. 

"You just have a Merry Christmas," Abbey said with a smile and a look that accepted the woman's gratitude and thanks. 

"We sure will now. God bless you, ma'am." Through tears, Carol reached out and laid a hand over Abbey's, squeezing it gently then glanced down at Aislinn and Nicholas. 

"You children are blessed to have such a fine lady for a mama. She's truly an angel. You always remember that. I know that I will." 

The twins watched with wide eyes as the woman departed. 

"Mama," Nicholas said, reaching out for her hand. "Are you really an angel?" 

"Of course not, don't be silly." 

"What are you then?" 

"I'm just a regular mom who cares." 

"I don't want you to be an angel." Aislinn's eyes watered. 

"Well, I'm not. But why wouldn't you want me to be?" Abbey asked. 

"'Cause angels are DEAD." 

"Mommy's not dead," Nicholas told his sister. 

"No, I'm not. Now let's go before we're late for the show." She took each child's hand and began leading them out the door. 

But, the angel debate wasn't finished until they actually got to the car when Nicholas pronounced, "Mommy can't be an angel 'cause she doesn't have wings." 

Aislinn glanced behind her mother to make sure Abbey hadn't sprung a pair of wings on the way out the door. "Yeah, that lady was wrong, Mommy. You're not an angel." 

"Of course I'm not, that's what I've been trying to tell you." 

"You're just a mom who cares?" Nicholas asked, as Abbey strapped him into his carseat. 

"Yup, just like I said." 

Sitting back in the sedan with a child on each side of her, Abbey wondered what kind of childhood it was that she was giving her children. How strange was it for them to move from the poverty of the free clinic where Aislinn had once informed her that some of the people smelled, to boxseats at a gala at the Kennedy Center? Was it confusing or was it making them more well rounded individuals able to be accepting of people from all walks of life? She hoped it was the latter; but parenting was such a crapshoot, even when you got to your fourth and fifth children. And when topped off with the unique circumstance of being the offspring of the President of the United States, it made the waters even murkier. Still, she figured it was a far better dilemma to be in – to fear giving your children too much or making life too easy for them – than to be in a dilemma like Carol Morrill, weeping over not being able to fulfill her children's most basic needs. Well, she supposed she could only do her best and knew that it was ultimately up to her and up to Jed to instill in Nicholas and in Aislinn the values they held dear, just as they had with their three elder daughters. If Nicholas and Aislinn turned out as well as Elizabeth, Ellie and Zoey, she would be thrilled with a job well done. Her three eldest daughters were all kind, intelligent, responsible, young women with good heads on their shoulders. They gave back to their communities, had strong work ethics, genuinely cared about others and worked hard to make their own way without taking advantage of the privilege of being the President's daughters. She hoped the same would be said for her youngest two children. 

**** 

"So, how was _The Nutcracker_?" Jed asked upon their return. 

"I LOVED it, Daddy!" Aislinn spun around in her patent leather Mary Janes while holding out the edges of her red velvet dress. "I wanna be Clara." 

"Did you know Ellie was the Snow Queen in her dance production of _The Nutcracker_?" Jed asked. 

"Yup. Mommy told me. But I wanna be Clara 'cause I wanna wear those ruffle pants." 

"Ruffle pants?" 

"Petticoats," Abbey supplied the proper term. 

"Ahh...it's amazing we men can ever keep up with all the names you women come up with for your clothes." 

"It would be amazing be if you actually COULD keep up with them." Abbey said sarcastically, shifting as Nicholas leaned more heavily against her legs while sucking his thumb. 

"You're awfully quiet," Jed said to him. "What did you think of the show?" 

Nicholas shrugged. 

"He fell asleep," Aislinn said. "Mommy had to keep saying 'Nicky, Nicky, wake up.'" 

"She did, huh? Ballet not your thing, sport?" Jed reached out to brush a hand over his son's hair. 

"I wanted to stay and play trucks with Jerome," Nicholas grumbled. 

"And next time we'll remember that," Abbey said. "But before you decide you don't like something it's always important to try it out." 

"It made me sleepy." 

Jed bit back a smile. Ballet made him sleepy too. He enjoyed the theater tremendously and sometimes enjoyed a good classical concert, but unless his daughters were involved, ballet was not on his favorite list of things to do. 

"It made me 'cited! I can't WAIT for Christmas! Mommy, do we have any nutcrackers?" 

"We sure do. We have several up in the attic at the farm." 

"I can't WAIT to get to the farm!" 

"Me too. I love the farm," Nicholas added. "I wanna go sledding!" 

**** 

"Okay, roll over, I'm ready." Abbey said, as she finished rubbing massage oil between her palms to warm it. 

Wearing only a pair of sweatpants, Jed rolled over on the bed onto his belly. His upper body ached from the effort of balancing his non-reacting lower body and Abbey had promised him a massage. He groaned deeply at the first deep slide of her hands over the knotted muscles of his shoulders. 

"Oh, that's just what I need," he sighed. 

"I thought as much. I'm going to do some range of motion exercises with your legs too. We need to keep your muscle tone up so it will be easier for you once you're back on your feet." 

"Do you really think I will?" 

"Will what?" She elicited another groan when she rotated her thumbs along each side of his spine. 

"Get back on my feet. Do you really think I'm going to walk again?" 

"Of course I do. This isn't out of the ordinary, Jed. You're in a bad spot right now, that's what happens during a relapse. But I really believe that it's going to get better again, that you'll bounce back from this." 

"And if I don't?" The fear was there lacing its way through the simple question. 

"Then you don't." 

"How would you feel about that?" He held his breath waiting for her answer. 

"I would feel bad about it for YOU, because I know how limited you would feel. But whether you walk again or not is really a moot point for me. It isn't going to change my feelings for you one way or the other. I love you flat on your back, sitting up in a wheelchair, or running around playing basketball. It's you that I love, not your legs." 

"I wouldn't be able to dance with you again or take walks along the beach with you." 

"So we'll find other things to do. The reason I enjoy doing those things Jed is because I'm doing them with YOU. Being with you is the key to the enjoyment." 

"Oh, hell, Abbey, I've been an ass." 

"What, you?" she teased. 

"I'm serious. I should never have said that I didn't want to go to the farm for Christmas. That was a mistake. It was a totally selfish thing to say." 

"What brought about this change of heart?" She knew, but she wanted him to tell her. 

"Hearing Aislinn and Nicholas today nearly bursting out of their skin with excitement at getting to the farm for Christmas. They don't seem to give a damn that I'm stuck in this chair. It's me whose been sulking about that. It's not their fault this happened to me and they shouldn't have to pay a penalty. They deserve as merry a Christmas as we can give to them. They're kids. Every kid deserves a magical Christmas." 

"Yes, they do, and so does every adult. I knew you'd come around." 

"You did?" 

"Yes, I did." she murmured, pressing a kiss into his shoulder. "You're a good guy, Josiah B. No way around that. Those kids are damn lucky to have you for a father." 

"No, I'm the lucky one." He looked back at her over his shoulder. "Lucky that I have you guys to show me what's really important. Love and family. That's what it's all about." 

"You've always known that, Jed, and that's what makes you one of the good guys, and always will." 


	33. Altered Lives

"Okay, Dad, I've got Clara costumes googled up." Zoey sat at her father's computer in his study helping him finish his last minute Christmas shopping. 

"Go ahead and order it. I have my credit card right here. Your mom said that Aislinn is between a 3T and a 4T so I'd get it in 4T just to be safe." 

"Problem. I have about a thousand hits here. Evidently there are a lot of different Clara costumes." 

Jed rolled his eyes. Why couldn't shopping for the females in his life ever be easy? "She likes the ones with the ruffles pants – oh, what did your mother call them–" He tapped on his temple trying to remember. 

"Petticoats?" 

"Yes, that's it! Zoey, my darling girl, you're a LIFESAVER." 

Zoey grinned at him over the top of the monitor. "I do my best. I still can't believe you don't know how to google." Her smile faded as she watched her father bend in his chair trying to reach the coffee mug he'd rested on the end table and that was just a hair too far from his fingertips. She started to rise to help him then paused – her mother's words ringing in her head – 'Your father is in a wheelchair for the moment. He is not an invalid and does not want to be treated like an invalid. Treat him like you always have. Don't baby him and don't assume you have to do everything for him. Let him try to do what he needs to do first, then if he still needs your help, help him.' 

Abbey had firmly laid down the law with her family. There were to be no long sad looks, no tears, and no feeling sorry for Jed Bartlet. If they were afraid, if they were worried, if they just needed a shoulder to cry on, they could come to her and she would be there for them with open arms; but the last thing Jed needed was fear or pity from his children. 

Watching her father maneuver his chair around to the other side of the table to get close enough to easily grasp his mug proved to Zoey that her mother had been right. It was important that her father continue to exert his independence and that he not feel coddled. Normality was the key to dealing with this relapse. 

But it was hard for Zoey, much harder than it was for twins. Watching her strong invincible father forced to ride around in a wheelchair was scary because unlike the twins, Zoey was old enough to know what the implications of that wheelchair were. She knew that something like this could be permanent; and she also knew what it could mean for her dad if he was moving into the more serious secondary progressive type of M.S.. From the moment Zoey had gotten the call from her mother explaining her father's relapse, she had been living in fear, praying that this really was only a relapse and that he would bounce back as he had before. 

"See if you can get it in pink," Jed said as he wheeled up to peer over Zoey's shoulder at the computer screen. "Aislinn loves pink." 

Zoey began typing in the key terms and a whole page of pink Victorian Clara costumes popped up. 

"That's the one." He pointed to a pretty costume trimmed in lace with the requisite ruffled petticoat. 

"You sure?" 

"What do you think? You're a girl." 

"Woman, Dad. I'm a woman. And, I think she'll love it." 

"Then go ahead and order it. Here's my card. Can you get it overnight?" 

"For you, dear Pops, I can do anything." A few more clicks and Zoey had the item ordered. 

"You all set for Nicholas?" 

"Yeah." Per usual Abbey had done the majority of the shopping for Santa and parent presents but he liked to have a couple of surprises under the tree for the kids. "I had it made right when we got back from Ireland." 

"Had it made?" 

"It's a firefighters uniform. When we were in Ireland all Nicholas could talk about was wanting to be a fireman." 

Zoey typed and pulled up a toddler fire fighter uniform with plastic jacket and hat. "Like that?" she asked. 

"Nope. It's an AUTHENTIC firefighters uniform scaled down in size. The same uniforms that firefighters all over the U.S. wear." 

"How did you get an authentic uniform in a 4T?" 

Jed shot her a sarcastic look. 

"Oh, yeah, guess the President can pretty much get whatever he wants." 

"Pretty much," he agreed. "But none of the stuff that's really important." 

"And what's that?" 

"Love, respect, trust, health." 

"Well, you have all that too." She stood and wrapped her arms around him from behind, planting a kiss on his cheek. 

"Health?" 

"Dad, a week ago you were flat on your back and stuck on IV's. Today you were wheeling around like a NASCAR driver in that electric chair. By the way, you might want to watch yourself with that. I heard Mom on the phone with Grammy O'Neill after you crashed with Nicholas into the breakfast table saying that if you don't slow down, she's going to pull out the old manual chair you had to use in China." 

"Really? Well, we'll just see about that. Thanks for the heads up." 

**** 

"I thought you said this Christmas tree farm was next door," Sam said. It seemed like he'd been watching the rural landscape pass them by for quite a while as the mini motorcade made its way down the twisting old country road away from the Bartlet farm. 

"It is next door," Jed said, "but this is farm country, Sam. Your next door neighbors may be a few miles away." 

"I can see that now. I've never been to a tree farm, you know." 

Ellie twisted in her seat. "Never?" 

"Not too many of those in sunny San Diego." 

"I guess you're right, I hadn't thought about that. I'm always forgetting that you're from southern California not Washington." 

"Yup, the land of sun and surf and palm trees and movie stars." 

"And earthquakes and mudslides and wildfires and smog," Zoey added. "You better get ready, surfer boy. This isn't southern California, you're going to freeze your a– tush off up here." 

"I'm already freezing my tush off up here. How much colder can it get?" 

The Bartlets all shared knowing looks, smiles creeping across their faces. 

Worried by those looks, Sam asked, "What are you all grinning about?" 

"Nothing, Sam." Abbey patted his hand. "Your naivete when it comes to winter in northern New England is actually quite charming." 

"It gets a lot colder than this?" 

"Put it this way, Sam," Jed said. "When you walk outside, take a breath and your nostrils freeze shut, then you'll know it's getting a mite chilly." 

Sam blanched and leaned back against the seat. Maybe he should have listened to Leo when the man told him to buy long underwear, lots of long underwear. 

The property of Christmas Hill Tree Farm abutted the western edge of the Bartlets' dairy farm. In fact, not long after Jed took over the farm, he had leased out several acres of the Bartlet farm that was being unused to Bob Wilkes and his family to expand their business and grow more trees. That gave Jed free rights to any tree that grew on his acreage and normally the Bartlets would trudge over their property to find the perfect tree. But trudging was something Jed would be unable to do this year. Not wanting to take away from the children's excitement in picking out a tree, he had offered to stay home and let Abbey and the girls take the kids out. True to form, Abbey had been having none of that. Getting the Christmas tree was a family event, she'd argued, and not having their father with them would take away from the experience. So, Jed assumed that they would be picking this year from the pre-cut trees that Bob and his sons cut and sold just outside their barn near the entrance to the farm. But when the cars pulled up to the barn, he had a bit of a surprise in store. A tractor pulling a wagon filled with hay was waiting. 

"Hey Je– Mr. President, good to see you." Bob Wilkes greeted Jed with a hearty handshake. 

"We've been neighbors for twenty-six years and we're not in the White House. Jed is fine, Bob. What have you got over here?" His eyes centered on the wagon. 

"We started offering hay rides out to the tree fields a couple years back. All the big farms are doing that now. An extra bonus to come pick out a tree rather than picking one up in a department store lot." 

"No magic in that." 

"None a'tall. So, this wagon is for you and your family." 

Jed's gaze fell on Abbey who was on her knees in front of the twins making sure their fleece hats were tied, mittens secured, and boots laced shut. "Abbey called you?" 

"Yep. Wanted to make sure we had a wagon available and ready. The Secret Service was here last night and early this morning scoping the place out and the fields are yours for two hours." The meaning of that was apparent. There would be no prying eyes. 

Jed frowned. "Aren't you going to lose a lot of money the weekend before Christmas shutting down for two hours? I don't want to mess around with your livelihood." 

"It's the least I can do. Ever since people found out where the President gets his Christmas tree, I've had almost more business than I can handle." 

"Well then, glad I could be of service." 

"Jed," Abbey called over. "The girls and I are going inside to look at the wreaths and get cocoa for the kids to have on the ride." 

He nodded, then had his agents help him out of the car and up into the wagon before his family emerged. Max and Panda hopped in behind him, waiting patiently for their family to return. 

Inside a small shed beside the barn, Mary Wilkes and her daughter Kelly were busy twisting fragrant branches of evergreen into wreaths and swags, decorating them with velvet bows and pine cones. A small woodstove set in the corner warmed the room and the spicy cinnamon apple aroma of mulling cider simmering on that stove combined with the sharp earthy scent of the pine boughs, filling the air with holiday fragrance. Christmas music played softly in the background. 

Mary greeted Abbey and her children with the warmth of the old friends that they were. Kelly and Zoey had gone to school together and immediately began catching up. Abbey picked out a couple of wreaths for the doors of the farmhouse and they all got Styrofoam cups of cider or cocoa to take with them on the cold ride up to the fields. 

Once they were all assembled in the wagon, Bob turned back to them. 

"Know what kind of tree your looking for?" he asked. 

"A BIG one," Nicholas said. 

Bob chuckled. "That's usually what I hear from kids." 

"Well, I know the Frasers are the strongest," Abbey pontificated, "but we aren't going to have it up all that long. So I think maybe a nice balsam fir to fill the house with the smell of Christmas. What do you think, Jed?" 

"Balsam is fine with me." 

"Balsam it is then." Bob set the tractor off in the direction of a hill covered in dark green balsam firs. 

While the wheels of the wagon crunched along through the crisp white snow passing by large evergreens, Sam sat back with contentment. As a boy reading Christmas stories, this was how he'd always imagined it should be – cold and snow and pine scented fields of Christmas trees. 

"Who gets to pick out the tree?" Aislinn asked. 

"We all do," Jed said. 

"And we all have to agree," Abbey added. "Which, knowing this family, is why I asked Bob for two hours." 

Zoey brushed her mother's concern aside. "Oh, Mom, we aren't that bad. As long as we don't let Ellie choose the tree we'll be all set." 

"There's nothing wrong with my choice in trees," Ellie retorted. 

"Oh really? Then how come you always pick out the smallest, scrawniest Charlie Brown Christmas tree in the field?" 

Ellie crossed her arms and didn't answer. 

"Come on, El," Zoey goaded. "Tell Sam why you pick those trees." 

"I will not." 

"Then I will. Ellie always picks the scrawny ugly trees because she feels bad for them and is afraid nobody will pick them and then they won't have a home for Christmas. Like a Christmas tree farm is an animal shelter or something." 

"You think the trees have feelings?" Sam grinned at Ellie. 

"I was a KID. And don't make fun of me." 

"I'm not," Sam's eyes filled with tenderness as he bent to kiss the tip of Ellie's nose. "I think it's really sweet that you worried about the ugly trees." 

Ellie turned to Zoey with a self-satisfied look and stuck her tongue out at her. Zoey repeated the gesture and then Nicholas and Aislinn were doing it too. 

"Okay, okay, that's enough," Abbey said. "You girls should be setting a better example for your little brother and sister." 

Sharing a stunned glance, Ellie and Zoey began to laugh. "Aren't we a little old to be chastised like troublesome little children?" Zoey asked. 

"When you act like troublesome little children, you're treated like children," Abbey told them. 

The tractor stopped and Bob turned around to look back at the wagon. "We're here," he said. 

Abbey stood, surveyed the snowy field, and then looked down at her brood. "Well, guys, let's start looking for the Bartlet family Christmas tree." 

**** 

With Christmas falling on a Tuesday, Ellie was able to get the weekend off along with Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so she would have four full days at the farm before having to return to Baltimore the day after Christmas. It was the first time in a long time that she'd had that many days to spend with her family and she felt very much that it was important to do so right now. Like Zoey, she'd been hit hard by the news of her father's relapse and was looking forward to spending time with him and seeing if he really was getting better – as her mother assured her he was. Wandering around the dusty attic of her childhood home, looking for the bins that held Christmas decorations, she was already glad that she'd come as it was clear to her now that her dad was doing okay. 

For Sam the holiday was bittersweet. Since he and Ellie had spent Thanksgiving Day with his family, they had planned, even before the President's relapse, to spend Christmas Eve and Day with her family. It was Sam's first Christmas with the Bartlets and knowing how much Ellie cherished the holiday, he had planned on asking her something very special on Christmas Eve. The diamond and sapphire engagement ring now sat in a drawer in his apartment back in Washington. Once he heard about the seriousness of the President's relapse, he understood that it was not the time to ask Ellie to marry him. God, he would never forget the look on Ellie's face when she'd gotten off the phone with her mother and told him that her father was paralyzed. Fear, there had been such fear blazing in her crystal blue eyes. But it was far more than fear, it was as if Ellie's whole world were crashing in around her. Her shoulders had slumped inward, her face crumpling as she burst into heart wrenching sobs. For more than an hour Sam had just held her and rocked her and let her cry out all her fears for her dad. Having some understanding of the complexities of the relationship between father and daughter, there was one thing that was not complex at all. Ellie adored her father. To her, he was bigger than life, all-powerful; and for something like this to have happened to him was a shock to that perception. And, being a doctor, she knew very well the dangers of what could be in store for him. 

When Jed was well again and Ellie not so worried about him, there would be time for questions of marriage. This was too big a step to rush into at the wrong time. Once before in his past, Sam had asked a woman to marry him and that had not worked out. The next time he asked, it was going to be forever. 

"Hey guys," Zoey called up the stairs. "Are you coming back down sometime today or what? Dad and I have the lights on the tree and Mom and the twins have the popcorn and cranberry chains ready." 

"We're coming, we're coming. It's taking us longer because Mom wanted us to bring down some of the house decorations too." 

"Is that what's in these boxes down here in the hall?" 

"Yes." 

"Okay, I'll bring these downstairs." 

Zoey placed the boxes in the living room and she and Abbey began going through them deciding what they wanted to put up – with a few comments from the twins. It was only a few days until Christmas so there was no point in going all out, but there were some things that were tradition and had to go in their place. 

Finally Ellie and Sam came down, arms loaded with the red plastic Christmas bins that held the precious Bartlet family ornaments. 

"Ellie, Ellie," Aislinn raced to her side. "Me 'n Nicky don't gotta take naps today 'cause we're decorating the TREE." 

"Aren't you lucky. And now we have all the ornaments to do the job." 

"You 'n Sam took FOREBER," Nicholas remonstrated. 

"Well, there is an awful lot of stuff in that attic, Nicky. It took us a while to find everything." 

"If that's all they were doing," Jed grumbled under his breath, receiving quick elbow from Abbey for the comment. 

"But now they're here so let's get to work." Abbey hit the play button on a Christmas CD and everyone began digging in, unwrapping the delicate ornaments from their newspaper cocoons and commenting on the memories of the treasure they found underneath. 

"Look at this one." Ellie held up an elegant ballerina in tutu. "You got me this one the year I was the Snow Queen in _The Nutcracker_." 

"I didn't know you were a ballerina," Sam said. 

"She was a fine ballerina," Jed informed him. "Grace and beauty personified." 

"Said my father." A light rosy blush staining Ellie's fair cheeks accompanied the sarcastic comeback. 

"Says anyone who watched you dance," Jed insisted. 

Abbey smiled at the way – in spite of her sarcasm – Ellie's eyes shone with delight at her father's compliment. 

"What about me, Daddy?" Aislinn paused in front of his chair resting an elbow on his knee. "Am I 'sonified too?" 

"Oh you most certainly you are. You're a Bartlet, aren't you? All the Bartlet women are grace and beauty personified." 

Aislinn giggled. "I'm not a WOMAN, Daddy." 

"No, you're not." He bent over and lifted her up onto his lap. "And we're going to keep it that way for a long, long time. Now, look what I just found. I think you might want to put this one on the tree yourself." 

Aislinn looked at the white glittering ball. A teddy bear holding a bunch of balloons was painted on the ball along with some words. "It says my name," she said. "What else does it say, Daddy?" 

"It says 'Baby's first Christmas, Aislinn 2001'. This is your first ornament." Jed wheeled Aislinn toward the tree helping her place the pretty ball on a pine scented branch. 

"Do I have a ornament?" Nicholas asked. 

"Of course you do, sweetheart." Abbey began unwrapping ornaments until she found the matching ball with Nicky's name on it. 

"I'm gonna put it right near Aislinn's 'cause we're twins." 

"Speaking of twins, you two want to see the gift your mom gave me the Christmas Eve before you born?" Jed wheeled over to the hutch and pulled out a photo album flipping until he found the picture he wanted. "This was a picture the doctors took of the two of you inside Mommy's belly not long before you were born." 

Aislinn and Nicholas crowded around him eagerly checking out the black and white sonogram. Aislinn looked from the picture where her father was showing them exactly where they were over to her mother. With eyes widening, she reached a hand out to settle on Abbey's flat belly. "That's US and we was right in your tummy?" 

"Yes, you were," she smiled. 

Puzzled, Aislinn's brown furrowed. "Where did we FIT?" 

Abbey laughed. "My belly wasn't quite so flat then. You guys stretched it all out. Show them, Jed." 

Jed flipped the page to a picture Abbey'd had him take just as she began her ninth month of pregnancy. Taken in profile in front of the window, she was wearing loose silky pajama bottoms and a matching camisole top. One hand held the top up to where her stomach began, just under her very full breasts, while the other pulled the elastic waistband of the pants down to expose the full enormity of her ripe swollen belly. Her head was tilted to the side, the sunlight creating gleaming highlights in her long wavy copper hair, a gentle knowing smile on her lips. 

"That was taken about a week before you born," Abbey told them. 

"Mommy, you were really FAT!" Aislinn exclaimed. 

"That isn't fat," Jed pointed out. "That's you and Nicholas." 

"Mommy, your belly button is sticking out," Nicky giggled. 

"Well, what do you expect. You guys took up all the space in there so my belly button had to get out to make more room. In fact, one of you probably kicked it out." 

The children seemed to find that very humorous indeed. Aislinn ran to Zoey who was still unwrapping ornaments. 

"We kicked Mommy's belly button out," she chortled. 

"So I heard." 

"It's not out now," Nicholas had seen his mother nude before but lifted her sweater just to be sure. Nope, the belly was flat as ever; the belly button back to normal. 

"Oh wow," Sam breathed as he peered over Nicky's head to take a peek at the album that still lay open on Jed's lap. There was a Madonna-like quality that Abbey had in the picture that really showed the true beauty of motherhood. 

"You saw me pregnant, Sam," Abbey reminded him, closing the book. 

"Yeah, with your clothes on – and in a hospital gown." His grin was to remind her that he'd been in the hospital room while she'd been in labor. "I just never realized...I mean with clothes on it just looks like a round stomach but without you can really see there are babies in there." 

"I take it you've never seen a naked pregnant belly?" 

"Never quite had that opportunity. About the closest I've come is Demi Moore on Vanity Fair." 

"Oh, Zoey, I LIKE that one," Aislinn sighed, her attention back on the tree. "What does it say?" 

Zoey held up an ornament shaped like a horseshoe from which an elegant Thoroughbred dangled. 

"This is my favorite ornament. It says 'Zoey and Lancelot 1995'. That was the year that I turned thirteen and got Lancelot for my birthday." 

"Lanc'lot is your horsie and you love him." 

"Yes, I do. And that makes this a very special ornament." 

On and on it went, Sam becoming privy to family history going all the way back to "Big Ben" and other ornaments that Abbey and Jed had gotten in London for their first Christmas together as a married couple. He supposed they were no different from any other family getting together to decorate for the holidays, except of course, this family had some very exotic memories. 

"We got this one in West Germany, near the wall in West Berlin. That was back when there was a West Germany and West Berlin." Ellie held up a little traditional Bavarian nutcracker. Jed's glance met Abbey's, both shuddering at the memory of young Ellie running away from them toward the harshest symbol of Cold War oppression – the Berlin Wall – with its towers of sniper trained soldiers ready to kill anyone daring to attempt a crossover. 

"Mom bought this little totem ornament at a tiny outpost in the Kenai Fjords National Park in Alaska," Zoey said. "Remember, that was the trip that Mom got all excited about photographing the grizzly bears fishing for salmon in the river and got so caught up she wasn't paying attention to where she was going and fell in." 

Ellie laughed. "Dad totally freaked out." 

"I did NOT totally freak out. I just felt I had to move pretty fast to fish your mother out before the grizzlies did." 

"I was not in any danger," Abbey made sure to tell Sam. "We were quite far away, I was using a zoom lens on my camera." 

Continuing on the trip down memory lane, Ellie pulled out another ornament. "We got this Eskimo angel on the same trip but further north when we camped out at the Arctic Circle." 

"You camped out at the Arctic Circle?" Sam's astonishment was quite apparent. 

"Haven't you ever gotten the 'I've visited all the national parks' travelogue from my dad?" 

"Well, yeah, but I thought he was exaggerating." 

"I don't exaggerate, young man." 

"He wasn't exaggerating," Ellie added. "We camped at Gates of the Arctic National Park." 

"No wonder you Bartlets are never cold." 

"Sam," Abbey laughed, "We didn't camp there in the WINTER. It was summer. That was quite a trip – the sun never set. Remember we were able to read by natural light at three in the morning." 

"And we went to a midnight baseball game in Fairbanks when we were ready to fly home." 

"That was a fun trip, except for the mosquitoes of course. They were pretty vicious up there." Ellie lifted out an authentic looking Scandinavian Lapland reindeer. "Mom bought this one in Sweden when Dad won his Nobel Prize." 

"It looks just like the wild reindeer in the book!" Aislinn bounced with excitement. Both she and Nicholas had become enchanted with the beautifully illustrated books of Jan Brett. 

"We've been reading _Jan Brett's Christmas Treasury_ and 'The Wild Reindeer' is one of the stories," Abbey explained. 

"Santa asked Teeka the elfgirl who lived at his Winterfarm to help train the reindeers for Christmas," Aislinn told them. 

"But she was really bossy and the reindeers didn't listen to her. They didn't like it when she yelled at them," Nicholas continued. An eye to his sister let the others know whom Teeka reminded him of. 

"And then she got nice and hugged the reindeers and said she wouldn't yell at them anymore and they started to listen to her." 

"And Santa was happy he got trained reindeer for Christmas Eve." 

"Sounds like a lesson we should all remember," Jed said. "It's important to be patient when you're teaching someone." 

Things were quiet for a bit while more ornaments were placed on the tree, then Ellie found a little black and red handmade Spanish fan that made her chuckle with mirth. 

"Remember when Dad bought this one in Barcelona on the stop over to Egypt," she said. The others nodded but Ellie turned to Sam to fill him in on the story. "Zoey had wanted a little matador and bull statuette but when the shopkeeper told her the story of the matador and the bull and got to the part about the matador killing the bull, she got crying so hysterically for the poor bull that Dad had to carry her out of the store. The shopkeeper felt so badly that he made Zoey cry that Dad bought the little fan just to make him feel better and let him know there were no hard feelings." 

"It was a horrible story to tell to a little girl," Zoey defended herself. "I still think they should outlaw killing the bull. It's barbaric." She continued unwrapping ornaments until she found one with a story to share. "Oh remember this one?" She lifted it high for all to see. 

Abbey glanced up at the small wooden camel. "I remember bartering for that one at a flea market in Cairo." 

"I'm surprised they even had Christmas tree ornaments in the middle of the desert," Sam said. 

"Actually this wasn't an ornament, just a figurine. We made it into an ornament as a reminder of our trip." 

Jed made a humph noise that drew everyone's attention. 

"Daddy doesn't like to be reminded of riding the camels," Ellie told Sam. 

"Did one spit at you, sir?" Sam asked. 

"No." 

"Then, you just have a thing against camels?" 

"You ever ridden a camel, Sam?" 

"Can't say that I've ever had the experience." 

"Be thankful, especially if you want children one day." 

The women laughed as Sam winced with commiseration. 

Still chuckling, Abbey remarked, "As I remember, you told me that I better be happy with my three daughters because after that jaunt, you were never going to be able to father another child. Looks like you were wrong about that." 

"Yeah, well look how many years it took me to recover." 

"Ellie, did you REALLY ride a camel?" Nicholas asked. 

"Yes, we really did. It was an amazing trip. We got to go on a boat ride down the Nile like Cleopatra and ride camels near the pyramids and we even got to spend the night in the desert with a group of Bedouins." 

"I wanna ride a camel," Aislinn's eyes were wide with envy. 

"Then ride a camel you shall, little girl." Jed lifted her onto his lap and did a little spin in his chair that made her laugh. 

Looking at the camel ornament she still held in her hand and filled with sentimental memories, Ellie was suddenly aware – for maybe the first time in her life as an adult – just how lucky she had been to grow up in her family. Sure she'd had to make some sacrifices along the way – they all had. Her dad being away while he was in Congress, losing her privacy and having to share her parents with the world being the worst of it all. But in spite of that, she'd really had an incredible childhood filled with love and travel and vacations both within the United States and abroad that other people could only dream about. She'd been so focused for so long on the negative aspects of her father's position that she'd forgotten just how special it had been growing up Bartlet. 

"Daddy," Aislinn cupped Jed's face in her tiny hands. "I don't like this slow music. I want the fast music." 

"Oh Aislinn," Jed groaned in dismay. "These are the classics Bing Crosby, Andy Williams, Judy Garland..." 

"I want Elmo." 

"That's on the Rosie O'Donnell Christmas CD." Zoey stopped what she was doing to head over to the CD player. 

Aislinn giggled at Jed's long drawn out sigh and scrambled down from his lap, beginning to dance at the first bars of Rosie singing "Santa on the Rooftop" with Trisha Yearwood. Within moments, the infectious peppy music had everyone dancing and singing in front of the tree. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "I was walking home on Christmas eve   
> The whole neighborhood was fast asleep   
> The snow was falling, coming down hard   
> The place looked like a picture post card 
> 
> And when my house came into view   
> I noticed something up on the roof   
> You can't imagine my surprise   
> When I looked up and I realized 
> 
> It was Santa on the rooftop   
> And our house was Santa's first roof stop   
> The reindeer were quiet as a mouse   
> Didn't make a sound   
> Santa got ready to make his way down   
> He had one foot in the chimney   
> Destination our brand new Christmas tree   
> I knew everyone was gonna be shocked   
> When I told them I saw Santa on the rooftop"

It was with loving amusement that Jed watched his family's antics. Singing along with the song, long cinnamon hair spilling down her back, Abbey was jitterbugging with a laughing Nicholas, while Sam did double duty doing some kind of Virginia reel style dance with both Ellie and Zoey. 

Aislinn was circling around, spinning herself until she was dizzy and had to lean against the couch. When she righted herself, she saw that her father was alone watching the others dance. Immediately, she went to him. 

"You dance with me, Daddy?" 

It was the moment he'd been dreading. His throat closing, he shook his head. "I can't, baby girl. My legs still aren't working." 

"You don't need your legs, silly." She climbed back up on his lap standing on his thighs while he held her hands, gently pulling her arms to shake her shoulders. _You don't need your legs, silly_. Wasn't that right out of the mouths of babes. His children taught Jed lessons every day and Aislinn had just reminded him of a very important one indeed. When you loved someone, there were no limitations. 

Abbey's eyes grew misty with emotion as she watched her wheelchair bound husband dance with their daughter singing and laughing with the joy of the moment. 


	34. Altered Lives

The delicious aroma of cinnamon and vanilla found Jed all the way at the back of the house in his study. Even at Christmas the President had to keep up with national security and he'd just spent an hour on a conference call with his national security advisers, thankful that all appeared relatively quiet for the moment around the world. With a little luck it would remain that way. Wheeling himself toward the kitchen the smell grew stronger, his stomach rumbling in an anticipation of what was cooking. He could hear the children laughing and his wife singing about chestnuts roasting on an open fire as he approached. Rounding the corner to the kitchen, he found himself in a purely domestic scene – one he was sure the press would kill for. In faded jeans and a black stretch T-shirt that molded to her breasts, an apron tied around her tiny waist, Abbey was sliding cookies off a cookie sheet onto a cooling rack. Two chairs were pulled up to the counter and Nicholas and Aislinn each stood on one fighting over stirring the batter. 

"It's my turn." 

"No, it's my turn. You just had a turn." 

"Give me the spoon." 

"Mooooommy." 

Blowing the hair back out of her eyes, Abbey turned to her squabbling children. "I've had about all I'm going to take with this fighting. If you can't help me without arguing, you won't help me at all. Is that what you want?" 

"No! We wanna help you." 

"Well, okay then. Baking Christmas cookies is supposed to be fun, so let's have some fun. All right?" 

"All right!" 

"What about me? Do I get a turn helping?" 

"Absolutely." Abbey's smile of relief welcomed Jed into the room. "You can be a big help. Aislinn, you come over here and help Daddy decorate the cookies and Nicky, you can help me cut the shapes. Then on the next batch we'll switch places. Sound fair?" 

"Sounds fair," both children agreed. 

"Where's the rest of the crew?" 

"Zoey and Ellie took Sam out snowmobiling, He's never been on a snow mobile and they're determined to show him all the joys of a New England winter. They'll be back to help me with pies this afternoon." 

"It's baking day," Aislinn told Jed as Abbey set down before them the finished cookies along with red and green glittery sugar crystals and little silver balls to be used for decorating. 

"I see that." 

"Jed!" Abbey slapped at his hand as he moved to grab a cookie. "You're supposed to be decorating them not eating them." 

"That's a little too much temptation for me." 

"Too much 'tation for me too," Nicky agreed, reaching out to take a cookie. Biting into the cookie, the little boy wrinkled his nose. "What's 'tation?" 

"Temptation is when something looks or smells so good you can't resist it." 

"I have 'tation too then." Aislinn joined her father and brother at the table and grabbed for a cookie. 

"Hey, I was going for that one," Jed protested. Flashing her dimples at her father, Aislinn took a big bite of the cookie, giggling when he made as if to try to swipe it from her. 

"Well, I can see this is a losing battle. Since you all appear to be battling starvation, you can each have a couple of cookies, but then you have to start decorating them. Deal?" 

"Deal." 

"I need milk." Nicky's demand was made through the cookie that filled his mouth. 

"Please," Abbey's eyes lasered in on her son. "And it isn't polite to speak with your mouth full." 

"Pwease." Nicholas eked the word out between lips he tried to keep closed while he spoke. Abbey had to laugh. Opening the fridge, she grabbed the glass pitcher of milk then looked over at where Jed and the children were bent over the cookies. 

"Anyone else want any?" 

Since their mouths were full, Jed and Aislinn raised their hands in response. Still laughing to herself, Abbey filled glasses for all of them then returned to the table. Jed took a long swallow of the cold milk then asked, "What exactly are we baking today?" 

"Cookies and I thought I'd make a couple pies for tomorrow and Christmas Day while the twins nap this afternoon. We already made the gingerbread houses so they want to decorate those when they wake up." 

"What kind of pies?" 

"I'm making a pumpkin and a pecan and your chocolate snowflake cake." 

"Yes!" Jed's fist pumped the air. The chocolate coconut cake was a favorite of his. Abbey grinned at him wryly. Times like these she truly did believe the saying that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. 

"I thought you'd appreciate that," she said. "And my mom is bringing her peanut butter cookies and a mincemeat pie and your mother is bringing an apple. Along with all these cookies we should be all set for dessert." 

"Are you making snickerdoodles? Don't forget, they are Santa's favorites." 

A smirk twitched on Abbey's lips. "Yes, the children made sure to remind me that Daddy said snickerdoodles are Santa's favorite." 

"Good, good," Jed winked at his little unknowing co-conspirators and popped another cookie into his mouth. 

By the time lunch was finished and Jed had the children tucked in for a nap in the downstairs guest bedroom – where he and Abbey were sleeping while he was in the wheelchair – there were dozens of decorated sugar cookies in the shape of angels, bells, stockings, Christmas trees, Santa Claus and reindeer, along with platters of snickerdoodles and the girls' favorite raspberry filled pillow cookies. Abbey was seated on the couch with her feet propped up on the coffee table taking a break before tackling the pies. Jed wheeled up beside her. 

"Were you able to get hold of Millie and convince her to get her butt up here tomorrow." 

"I did get hold of her, but I didn't convince her." The smile of joy that played across her face was at odds with what she was telling him. His eyes narrowed. 

"Is there something you want to share with me?" 

"There sure is." Excited, Abbey leaned forward resting her elbows on her thighs. "Millie isn't going to spend Christmas with us because she is spending Christmas with Dave and the kids." 

Jed's face went slack with surprise. "What?" 

"It's true. Evidently, knowing that she was going to be alone, Dave called and asked her to join him and Danny and Brynn for the holiday." 

"Is he taking her back?" 

"I'm not sure things have gone that far. But they need to start somewhere and Christmas together is about as good a start as any. Oh, Jed, I'm so HAPPY. Those two belong together. Millie's been so miserable without him." 

"Need I remind you that SHE is the reason they are not together." 

Abbey grew quiet, contemplative, her smile vanishing. "No, you don't need to remind me. I know what she did and I know how awful it was – and so does she. When it happened she was so defiant about it – all that talk about 'it was just sex'. But, she was covering up for a lot of things and now after reflecting on what happened, I think they both realize that it was far more than 'just sex'. That was never Millie talking, it was the hurt." 

"Why do you think she did it?" 

"I think she was lonely and angry and hurt. I think she felt that Dave didn't give a damn about her because he never wanted to come down to D.C. and be with her. And, I think Dave is now accepting some of that responsibility." 

"You think she was justified?" 

Abbey sat up with look of horror, stunned that he would even consider that she felt that way. "God no! Nothing would justify cheating on your husband." She reached out for his hand. "You know how I feel about adultery." 

He nodded. They'd always been open about that in their marriage and both knew how strongly the other felt on the subject and what the consequences would be for a slip up. 

"She should have told him how he was making her feel, not turned to another man. But regardless of that, I do hope they can work through this and come to some kind of place or understanding where they can live with what happened and go on with the marriage." Biting her lower lip Abbey's resolve wavered. "Do you think it's hypocritical of me to want Millie to get back with Dave while I want my daughter to leave her husband for the same infraction?" 

"If it is, then I'm a hypocrite too. But I honestly think the situations are different. Deep down Millie is a good woman who was in a lot of pain and royally screwed up. I know she's deeply remorseful about that and probably hates herself as much as Dave hated her for awhile. And she still loves Dave very much. I can't imagine it's something that she would ever do again. It doesn't in any way justify it, but she is human after all. I guess I don't feel the same about Doug." 

"You think he'll cheat again?" 

Jed shifted in his chair and blew out a long breath, hating what he was about to say. "I do. The callousness and arrogance he's displayed and the way that he's blamed Elizabeth rather than accepting responsibility and doing everything in his power to fix things all lead me to believe he's going to be at it again. Unfortunately I've met a lot of men like him over the years. Guys that are more sorry they got caught than they are for what they did." 

"Much as I hate to say it, I agree with you. From what Elizabeth says, I'm not hearing any real remorse coming from Doug. Are you sure you're going to be able to handle being around him tomorrow?" 

"I have to be able to handle it, don't I? Elizabeth has made her decision. I don't like it or agree with it, but I do have to live with it." 

"That's very mature." 

"You sound surprised." 

"I am." 

"I've been doing a lot of thinking about things since Thanksgiving. I don't want to push Lizzie away. In my gut, Abbey, I know he's going to screw up again and when he does, I want Elizabeth to be able to come to us. She won't if she feels we're against her or might throw an 'I told you so' in her face. And, if it happens the way I think it will, she's going to need us." 

"I hate what you're saying, but more than that I hate that you're probably right." Abbey's sigh was one of sadness. 

"And, well, there isn't a whole lot I can do in this chair. Punching him out is probably out of the question." 

Abbey laughed and got to her feet. "Now there's my Jed." She bent to kiss his forehead then strode away toward the kitchen to start on her pies. 

**** 

The lights on the Christmas tree sparkled, glittering festively against the dangling shining ornaments. Big red and white poinsettias graced the gleaming cherrywood tables, while garlands of dark green holly wound around the banister of the staircase. Candles flickered in the windows, mistletoe dangled from the doorways, and two large authentic German soldier nutcrackers stood on the mantle guarding the beautifully embroidered red and green stockings that hung there above a cheery fire. It was Christmas Eve at the Bartlet farm. 

"Come on everyone, we don't want to be late." Abbey looked at her watch for about the tenth time in the past five minutes. 

"We're coming, Mom." 

Jed sat his chair by the door dressed in a nice suit, his mood gone quiet and brooding. Her high heels clicking on the hardwood floor as she crossed the foyer, Abbey's heart went out to him. Going to church would be the first time he'd been seen in his wheelchair by anyone outside his family or staff since the press conference in China. That it was going to be difficult for him was putting it mildly. 

Christmas Eve Mass was always standing room only and for the Bartlets to have gotten there before the rest of the congregation would have meant arriving close to two hours before the service. There was no way possible they could do that with two active three, almost four-year-olds. A plan had been discussed to slip into the back pew of the church as services began and for Father Tom to give Jed his communion privately so he would not have to wheel down the aisle. After mulling the idea over, Jed quickly nixed it. Although very tempting, he decided that he was not going to slink into church, hiding as if he were ashamed. 

When they arrived at Holy Trinity he made his way up the ramp, paused inside the vestibule to dip his fingertips into the font of holy water, made the sign of the cross and, holding his head high, he hit the forward button on his chair and began down the aisle toward the reserved front pew. Focusing only on the large crucifix high on the wall behind the beautifully decorated altar, he ignored the whispers and the stares his arrival had elicited. 

Taking a deep breath Abbey followed suit, making the sign of the cross with holy water and slipping into the careful facade of a politician's wife. Clutching tightly to the hands of Nicholas and Aislinn, she followed Jed's chair down the aisle smiling and nodding at friends and fellow parishioners as if she didn't have a care in the world. Not a soul was able to see the pain for her husband behind the pride, or the giant knot in her belly or even the lump in her throat. 

Jed allowed his family all to genuflect and slide into the pew before he took his place next to it, his chair in the aisle. Kneeling in prayer, Abbey caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye. He was staring straight ahead, his face an impervious mask. She wasn't at all fooled. The tightness in his face, the ticking in his jaw, they all spoke of the cost of that short ride down the aisle. 

Elbows on the pew before her, Abbey closed her eyes and bent her forehead to the hands she had crossed in prayer. Organ music played softly for the arriving parishioners, candlelight danced against the stained glass windows and the familiar and comforting musky scent of frankincense filled the church. Love. Love was what she'd always felt when she knelt in prayer in this beautiful old stone church. Love for God, love for her husband, love for her children, love for her fellow man. Love and faith. Faith that together, with God's help, she and Jed could get through anything, weather any storm. Sharing that faith and that love with her husband was a true blessing and a real strength in their marriage. 

Letting the peace of the moment relieve her tension, Abbey emptied her mind of all worldly thoughts and prayed for her husband. Prayed with all her heart and passionate faith that Jed walk again. That he emerge from this relapse as strong as ever and that his disease not be progressing. But knowing that inevitably it would be God's will she prayed as she had been taught. "If it is not in Your plan that Jed walk again, please, please, God, give him the strength to accept Your will. I ask this through Christ our Lord, Amen." 

She opened her eyes, saw that Jed was looking at her and that he knew what she had been praying for. Reaching out to him just as the organ grew louder with the first strains of the processional, she took his hand and rose. With relief she heard his voice loud and clear singing in his beloved Latin the call to the faithful followers of Christ in the celebration of His birth. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "Adeste Fidelis   
> Laeti triumphantes   
> Venite, venite in Bethlehem   
> Natum videte regem angelorum   
>    Venite adoremus   
>    Venite adoremus   
>    Venite adoremus Dominum. 
> 
> O come, all ye faithful,   
> Joyful and triumphant,   
> O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.   
> Come and behold Him,   
> Born the King of Angels!   
>    O come, let us adore Him,   
>    O come, let us adore Him,   
>    O come, let us adore Him,   
>    Christ the Lord. 
> 
> Sing, choirs of angels,   
> Sing in exultation   
> Sing, all ye citizens of Heav'n above.   
> Glory to God   
> In the Highest glory!   
>    O come, let us adore Him,   
>    O come, let us adore Him,   
>    O come, let us adore Him,   
>    Christ the Lord."

Standing at Ellie's side, Sam sang along with the familiar Christmas hymn, his eyes moving to the center aisle where a priest in flowing robes and white vestments followed behind a large crucifix swinging a thurible back and forth on its chains to spread the fragrant smoke of incense over the parishioners. This was all new to him – his first Christmas Eve Mass in a Catholic church. There was something ancient and mysterious in the ritual. A ritual that seemed to him, deeply and reverently holy while at the same time somewhat pagan. 

Sam was not a religious man, he'd been raised a Methodist because his mother was Methodist but the Seaborns were not regular churchgoers and a Methodist service not nearly as formal or full of pageantry. So, he took his cue from the Bartlets, standing when they stood, sitting when they sat and kneeling when they knelt – all of them seeming to know exactly when to do these things without being told – which to Sam was a bit baffling. And yet, there was something that stirred inside him when Father Cavanaugh approached their pew to deliver Holy Communion to the row of kneeling – and one sitting – Bartlets, while the rest of the parishioners formed a line up the aisle. There was something to be said in the way they knelt, shoulder to shoulder, eyes shut and fingers closed in prayer. They were at one with God and yet united in their beliefs as a family. Something inside him yearned to be part of that, to have a connection that strong, that loyal, that beautiful. 

**** 

Elizabeth and Doug were quiet on the drive from church to her parents'; each lost in their own thoughts. Intuitively the children had picked up on their parents' tension and were themselves quiet. Both Liz and Doug's thoughts were centered on Jed but their worries were vastly different. 

The press often made references to the Bartlet girls, or worse the "Bartlet Babes", but within the family there was a whole different dynamic. While they shared similarities, the Bartlet girls were no Stepford clones. They were all unique individuals and all had unique relationships with their parents. Being the eldest, having watched her father's move from professor to politician and having practically run his New Hampshire campaign, Elizabeth knew Jed Bartlet in a way that her sisters really didn't. To them he was simply "Daddy" – a loving father who also happened to be a politician. It was Elizabeth who knew – and could draw the line – between the loving father AND the politician, understanding the perks and pitfalls of that profession very well. She'd spoken with sisters several times since they'd all gotten calls from their mother from China explaining their father's predicament. Ellie and Zoey's concern for their dad was completely and totally personal. But she, like her mother, knew that what Jed must fear went beyond the personal. The political world mirrored the harsh realities of nature in ways that other professions did not. Any perceived weakness and you were cut from the pack, left to die on your own. Having come to know her father outside his role of parent during his run for President, Elizabeth had seen his strength when faced with adversity and hoped he had enough of that strength to get through this trial. 

Doug too was worried about Jed Bartlet's health. He wanted to announce his candidacy in the next couple of months, get a jump start on the others and he was going to need Jed Bartlet if he was going to win the election. The Bartlet name in and of itself was money in New Hampshire, but it was Jed Bartlet who was the beloved golden boy of the state. Doug was only known in relation to Elizabeth and to Jed – Doug Westin, Elizabeth Bartlet's husband, Doug Westin – Jed Bartlet's son-in-law – and he was going to need Jed to be openly supportive, to use some of that famous charisma and political power to help get him elected. It worried Doug to think that Jed might be in that wheelchair for any length of time. 

It also worried him to think that because of what he'd done to Elizabeth, Jed might turn his back on him. His father-in-law could be extremely puritanical. For as much as Doug had witnessed over the years the passion of Jed and Abbey Bartlet – they had kept that passion within their marriage, their sexual libidos evidently fulfilled in that union. He'd watched Jed, especially during the '98 campaign, turn down offers of sexual favors from beautiful young women that would have made a eunuch horny – making it very clear to Doug of his stance on the immorality of adultery. Doug's only saving grace – and he knew this very well – was Jed's love for Elizabeth. Jed Bartlet would do anything for his beloved daughters and as long as Doug could keep Elizabeth on his side, there was hope that Jed would come around. 

Turning off the rural road that had taken them into Candia and onto the long drive that led to the home where she had grown up, Elizabeth could see the lights of the farmhouse in the distance. Welcoming candles flickered in each window that faced the drive and a spotlight shone on the pretty wreath that hung on the door. 

"Now, remember what I told you two." Elizabeth twisted in her seat as the car was parked and her daughter and son unclipped their seatbelts. 

"Papa Jed is in a wheelchair, " Gus said. "I know I saw him in church." 

"Yes, and it's nothing to be sad or worried about, he's going to be just fine. So I want you both to treat him like you always do." 

"We know, Mom," Annie groaned, as she climbed out of the car, her boots crunching in the snow. "I already got the speech from Gram." 

"Okay, I'm just reminding you." 

Entering the house, they were assaulted by the homey smell of Christmas: the pine of the balsam tree, the bayberry candles that burned, the subtle woodsmoke from the fireplace and the delicious scent of a maple glazed ham baking in the oven. A Christmas village twinkled atop the grand piano that took up one whole corner of the formal living room while a large beautiful créche – complete with hand carved and painted figurines – sat on a table next to the Christmas tree. Under the tree a large railroad track had been assembled, around which chugged the _Polar Express_ train. Aislinn and Nicholas were seated under the tree playing with the train. Gus immediately ran to join them but Annie stood rooted in place. In spite of the bravado of her earlier words to her mother, tears welled in her eyes the minute they fell on Jed in his wheelchair. Tears Abbey noted right away while Elizabeth was busy making her way toward the kitchen to pop her broccoli casserole in the oven to heat. Thankfully, Jed was not facing them and Abbey gently slipped an arm around Annie's shoulders leading her into the library. 

"I'm sorry, Grams!" As soon as the door was shut behind them, Annie threw her arms around Abbey's waist and buried her face against her breasts. "I know you told me not to cry." 

"It's okay to cry, Annie," Abbey stroked her granddaughter's soft as silk hair. Annie was so mature for her age there were times Abbey had to remind herself that she was indeed still a child, only thirteen years old. "I asked you not to cry in front of your grandfather, but it's sure okay to cry if you're upset." 

"I didn't think I would. I thought I was okay. I mean you said he's not sick, that he's doing fine except for his legs. I don't know why it hit me like that." 

"I wasn't lying to you. He is doing okay." 

"It's just...when I saw him in that chair..." the tears threatened again and she buried her face back into Abbey's chest her words muffled, "...I love him so much...I don't want him to be sick." 

"Ssh...I know you don't. And I know the chair is a shock." As if to prove her honesty, Abbey lifted the girl's to chin to look her directly in the eye. "But, Annie, he really is getting better every day. I wouldn't lie to you about that. But even though he's getting better, right now he still needs us all to be strong for him and treat him like we always do. He's still very much the same man he's always been. You think you can do that?" 

Annie sniffed and nodded. "I can do that." 

"I'm not saying you can't talk about what's going on with him. We're not trying to ignore what's happened or pretend it isn't happening. We're just trying to deal with it in as normal a way as possible. If you have any questions for him, if you want to ask him how he's doing, feel free to ask. Just don't act like he's on death's door or something because he's NOT. Okay?" 

"Okay." Annie kissed Abbey's cheek then left the room to join the others leaving Abbey behind. Staring into the fire, Abbey heard the door to the room click shut and assumed that Annie had come back. 

"How are you doing, Abbey-girl?" 

Her breath caught in her throat. Abbey wasn't sure if it was the sound of her father's voice calling her back to her childhood, the emotion she'd buried deep inside since China, or simply the fact that he was asking about HER in a moment when she felt so vulnerable – but much to her dismay, she felt her throat closing shut and the warmth of tears flooding her eyes. 

"Daddy." 

Plaintive and pained, that one word drew Michael forward and Abbey found herself quickly wrapped in his embrace. Sensing that his daughter was close to the breaking point, Michael didn't say a word and simply held her tightly to him in the way that he had when she was a little girl. 

Shuddering against him, Abbey allowed herself to relax in the safety of her father's arms. For once she didn't have to be the mother, the strong one, the one with all the answers. She could let her guard down, let herself feel scared and vulnerable. It was so hard always having to be the one to never break, always being the one to have the answers or words of wisdom. One of the great parts of marriage was having a partner to share those times of vulnerability. Someone with whom she could have a turn feeling unsure or frightened. This time she didn't have that luxury, couldn't place that burden of strength on Jed's already weary shoulders. But she could, for just a moment, give in to those feelings in her father's arms. The irony in the moment was not lost on Abbey – she was being held and soothed in the exact same manner she had been holding and soothing Annie just moments before. 

After just a couple of minutes Abbey pulled back, took a deep breath and tried to regain her composure. "Sorry about that, Dad. I don't know what came over me." 

"I do." He led her over to the couch and when she sat he pulled out his handkerchief and gently dabbed at her eyes. "You've had a hell of a couple weeks, haven't you?" 

Nodding, Abbey's voice was barely a whisper. "It's been pretty hard." 

"I'm sure it has. And, I'm also sure, knowing you as well as I do that you've been so busy soldiering on, so busy running around making sure that everyone else is doing okay, letting everyone lean on you, that you've forgotten that maybe you need a shoulder to cry on once in a while." 

"I'm doing okay, Dad, really." Her shoulders stiffened in resolve. 

"I know you are. But I know you're scared too and I know you're far too stubborn to admit it." 

"You act like you know me or something." Abbey attempted a weak smile. Michael smiled back, reaching out to tug on a long curl. 

"I might know a thing or two about what makes you tick." 

"I have to be strong and positive for him, Dad. Jed needs me now. I mean, if I'm scared can you imagine how he's feeling?" 

"I understand that, sweetheart. Just don't deny yourself your own fears and insecurities. Bottling all that up inside is not good for anyone. Ultimately, you and Jed are going to have to get through this together." 

"I know. I just...oh dammit, I want to wave a magic wand and make this all go away for him." 

Oh, she was so much his daughter. "Of course you do. You're a doctor and you love him. But you also know that isn't possible and the Abigail I raised always faces her problems head on." 

"That isn't so easy sometimes, Dad." 

"When have you ever chosen the easy path, lady?" Half stalwart Yankee, half fighting Irish, his daughter was a formidable woman. 

She smiled wryly at the truth in that statement. 

"You're made of stern stuff, Abigail O Neill Bartlet, and so is that man of yours. There's no doubt in my mind that you two will both get through this." Michael bent, kissed her softly on the forehead. "Now we better get back out there before they realize we're missing." 

Crossing the foyer from the hall to the living room, they could hear Jed's voice in lecture, explaining to the children gathered around his chair the religious reasons behind the decorating of the house. 

"The evergreen trees we bring inside our homes to decorate show us of life that never dies: Jesus – resurrected life. The holly branches have sharp pointy leaves – like the crown of thorns; and bright red berries – like the blood Jesus shed for us. The lights we put on our trees and windows and houses all tell us that Jesus the Light has come into our darkness. And the red poinsettias we see are plants that grow everywhere in Israel, where Jesus was born." 

"In Bethel-hem," Nicholas added. 

"Yes," Jed ruffled his hair. "In Bethlehem." 

Abbey leaned against her father, her words to Annie ringing so very true. 'He's still very much the same man he's always been.' And for that she had to count her blessings. 

Standing across the crowded room, Elizabeth's eyes caught the tender look her mother cast her father's way and in an instant had one of those few moments when she saw Abbey as not just her mother but as a woman. From the outside, people looked at First Lady Abigail Bartlet and saw her good fortune: a happy, comfortable childhood, a Harvard medical school education, a handsome, intelligent, loving husband, five wonderful children, wealth, beauty, intellect and charm. And yet, in spite of all that good fortune, Abbey had also been through so much in her life – surviving a brutal rape and its aftermath, the loss of a child, the terror of a kidnapping, and now she was fighting a battle against her husband's medical problems. All of that put some of Elizabeth's own problems into perspective. Her husband had an affair. In spite of the therapy, it was still something she was trying to hide away from. In contrast, her mother always dealt with whatever life threw at her head on. Elizabeth had always admired that and knew that she would have to do the same if she wanted to step out of the darkened tunnel she was living in and step back into the light. 


	35. Altered Lives

In spite of the formality of the set table, the elegant forest green damask table linens, long red and green tapers rising from gleaming sterling silver candlestick holders, sparkling Waterford crystal and delicate fine china, the Bartlet meal was anything but formal. They were a vocal and opinionated group and at times several conversations were going on at once. Even the children were in on the fun. Nicholas sang his ABC's for his grandmother O'Neill – his voice getting louder to ride over Aislinn's as she recited the story of the baby Jesus' birth to her grandmother Bartlet. 

"Mary needed somewhere to have baby Jesus but, everyone kept saying 'There's no room at the Inn'." The scowl on Aislinn's face mimicking a mean innkeeper drew laughter. 

"H I J K LMNOP!" 

"Mary and Joseph had to sleep in a stable – that's like a barn – with the animals." 

"Q R S TUV WX Y AND Z." 

"That was the night that baby Jesus got borned." 

"NOW I SANG MY ABC'S. NEXT TIME WON'T YOU SING WITH ME!" 

"Mommy says not all babies get borned in the hopsital. Ellie was borned here." 

"In the stable." 

Aislinn turned to her father with exasperation. "Not in the stable, DADDY, in you and Mommy's room." 

"Oh yes, how could I have forgotten." A smack to the forehead with his palm made Aislinn giggle. 

"It's okay, I forget lots of things." 

Jed stifled his smile behind his napkin as Aislinn continued on. 

"Nicky and me were borned in the hopsital. At the same time 'cause we're twins." 

"ABCDEFG" 

"NICKY, I'm telling a STORY. Stop SINGING." 

Used to squabbling children, Elizabeth ignored the twins and turned her attention across the table. 

"So, Zoey," she said looking over the rim of her crystal goblet at her sister, "Dad was telling me you got to play hostess for a certain football star and ended up making cow eyes at him all night." 

Zoey's mouth gaped. "I did NOT," she insisted. "I was polite and courteous as a White House hostess should be." 

"That's not the way I heard it." Elizabeth fluttered her eyelashes mimicking what she'd been told. 

"Well, you were told wrong," Zoey's haughty shrug of her shoulders dismissed her elder sister. 

"You calling Dad a liar? Dad," Elizabeth glanced down the table, a twinkle in her eye. "Did you hear that? Zoey called you a liar." 

"Papa Jed doesn't lie," Gus carefully set his glass of milk down. His mother had warned him not to spill. 

"Thank you, young Gus," Jed nodded the boy's way. "You're right, I don't and sorry, Zoey, you WERE making cow eyes at the guy." 

"Mom," Zoey turned her appeal to the other end of the table. "Will you make them STOP?" 

Abbey sipped her wine and shrugged. "I wasn't there. I don't know if you were making cow eyes or not." 

"Don't worry, dear," Beth patted her granddaughter's hand. "If I'd have been there I'd have been making cow eyes too. That Tom Brady is a hunk." 

"Grammy!" Ellie protested. 

"Hey, I might be old but I'm sure not dead." 

"Just a little FYI, Mom," Abbey looked up from cutting the slice of ham on Nicky's plate into bite sized pieces, "the term hunk is outdated. Zoey would be referring to him as 'hot' or 'a babe'." 

Zoey shook her head in disbelief. "You're all insane." 

"Zoey," Aislinn tugged at her sister's arm. 

"What?" 

"I LIKE cows." 

The entire table burst into laughter – even Zoey. 

When the laughter had died down Sam turned to Ellie. "You were really born here in this house, not in the hospital?" 

"Yup, right upstairs in Mom and Dad's bedroom during the blizzard of '78." 

"Couldn't get through the snow to get to the hospital?" 

"Actually Mom had planned to have a home birth. You know it was the '70's – all that hippie dippie back to nature stuff." 

"Eleanor, I was NOT a hippie," Abbey admonished. "I simply wanted a more natural birth my second time around." 

"What's a hippie, Mommy?" Aislinn asked. 

"I'll explain it later and please stop feeding your peas to the dog." 

"Who did the delivery?" Sam asked. 

"I did." 

The look on Sam's face was laughable as he turned to the President who was nonchalantly taking a bite out of his dinner roll. 

"YOU delivered Ellie?" 

"Don't sound so impressed, Sam," Abbey said with sarcasm. "I actually did all the work. Jed just caught her." A mock wounded look from Jed was sent her way. 

"Kidding," she smiled. "You know I'm kidding – well, not completely. I did do all the hard work but you were pretty great in daddy AND doctor mode that night. You and Mom." 

"Thank you," Beth nodded her daughter's way. 

"You were there too?" Now Sam faced Beth. 

"Yes I was. I was staying with Abbey and Jed helping to take care of Elizabeth during what was supposed to be the last two weeks of Abbey's pregnancy. When she went into labor a little early during the storm, I ended up having to do a lot more than I'd planned on." 

"Was it gross?" Zoey grimaced. 

"No, it was not gross. Well, maybe a little gross," she amended. 

Abbey's wine glass hit the table sharply. "Mother!" 

"You didn't let me finish, dear. I was going to say that watching my granddaughter come into the world was also one of the most beautiful experiences of my life and I was very glad to be a part of it. Better?" 

Appeased, Abbey nodded. "Much better." 

Not to be left out, Elizabeth added her own two cents. "I don't know if it was gross or not but it sure was loud. I was only five at the time but I remember quite clearly hearing Mom all the way down here in the guest bedroom where Grammy had tucked me away from the action." 

"You really remember that?" Abbey asked. 

"Of course I do. I was traumatized." 

"Oh, you were not traumatized." 

Elizabeth laughed. "No, I wasn't. I was scared, but Dad explained to me what was going on and that you weren't dying some kind of agonizing death and at the end of it all, I'd have the baby sister or brother I'd been waiting for." In reality it had been quite nice. After the baby had been born, her father had come down to bring her upstairs and she'd been able to see that he was right. Her mother was just fine. Fine and smiling and holding the baby sister she'd wanted so badly. At her mother's invitation, she'd crawled up on the bed and cuddled up to her while Abbey breast-fed the new baby they called Ellie. Her father quickly joined them stretching out behind her, one hand stroking her hair while the other ran gently over his newborn daughter's cheek. Happy and content, she'd fallen asleep there sandwiched between her father and her mother, enveloped in their love. 

"Aunt Millie was supposed to deliver me," Ellie continued. "She was a resident by then. But she had trouble getting to the house because of the storm. Bartlet legend states that she got to the house just as I was making my arrival so she let Dad finish the job he started." 

"Were you scared, Sir?" 

"Shaking in my shoes," Jed admitted with a laugh. "I was a 27-year-old economics professor. What the hell did I know about delivering a baby?" 

"And you're asking him if HE was scared?" Abbey's deadpan made Sam cast a sympathetic smile her way. While they were joking now, he was sure that it must have been a scary time for both of them. 

"Thankfully I did at least have the experience of having watched Abbey birth Elizabeth a few years earlier; not that it was all that much comfort, but Doc Abbey talked me through it all. And look," he gestured toward Ellie, "with a little teamwork we had a beautiful baby girl." 

"So, there you have it," Ellie waved a fork at Sam, "the history of Ellie Bartlet." 

"I guess you've been interesting right from day one." 

They were just finishing up more Bartlet family lore along with dessert when an agent entered the room and whispered into Jed's ear. 

"Excuse me," Jed said, pushing his chair away from the table. "I'll just be a few minutes." 

Abbey shared frowns with the rest of the family, all of them hoping that Jed was not going to be called away from their holiday celebration. Happily, he returned before too long. 

"Well – I've just received some top secret information that you children might be interested in. My national security advisors have just informed me that NASA satellites have detected an unidentified flying object entering U.S. airspace. We sent fighter jets up to monitor the situation and they found it was a sled carrying a white bearded jolly old man in a red suit being led by eight reindeer including one with a shiny red nose." 

"RUDOLPH!" All three children hopped up with excitement. "It was SANTA and RUDOLPH!" 

"That's exactly what it sounds like, but maybe if you all put on your hats and coats and mittens we can go for ride and see if we can spot him." 

"A ride?" Abbey's eyes narrowed. "What kind of ride?" 

"Get ready and you'll see." 

Abbey stepped up to Jed's chair while Nicholas and Aislinn jumped at her like excited puppies demanding she help them into hats and mittens. "What have you got up your sleeve?" she asked. 

He grinned. "Get dressed, hot pants, and you'll see – and no peeking until we get outside." His smack to her rear set her into motion. "Oh," he threw back over his shoulder, "you might also want to fill some thermos' with hot cocoa." 

While everyone quickly headed to the mudroom to find their winter jackets, hats, mittens and boots, Jed rolled himself out to the porch, grabbed his down parka and gloves, and with the help of his agents set his surprise in motion. 

"My toes are getting cold. What are we waiting for out here?" Zoey stomped on the porch to shake some feeling into her numbing toes. The whole family was assembled on the porch waiting for Jed's surprise. 

"Have some patience. Your dad said to wait here." Abbey's own curiosity was getting the better of her, but she tried to be patient. That patience was finally rewarded by the faint sound of bells jingling in the distance, a sound that grew louder and louder and drew the children to the rails of the porch. 

Climbing up with curiosity, they leaned over so far to see what was coming that Abbey and Elizabeth had to pull them back before they toppled head first over the side. There was a loud shriek of excitement when they spotted a massive matching pair of gleaming, jet-black English shire draft horses plodding up the drive pulling a large sleigh, the bells ringing on their thick harnesses. Jed sat atop the sled, driving the horses, and motioned them all to come forward. 

"It's a beautiful night for a sleigh ride. Anyone want to come along?!" he called out. 

"ME ME ME!!!" The children stumbled and fell over each other in their excitement and still beat the adults to the sled, but the others weren't far behind. 

"Milady." Jed bent and helped Abbey into the seat next to him after she had gotten Nicholas and Aislinn all settled in the back with everyone else. 

"Where did you get this sleigh?" she asked. They had a smaller vintage sleigh that Jed had bought years ago, but this one was much larger. 

"I'm the President of the United States. I have connections all the way to the North Pole." 

"The North Pole, eh?" 

"Yeah. This is one of those times that it pays to be married to a guy with a connections. Now, are you warm enough?" He smoothed a warm wool Hudson Bay blanket across her lap as he asked. 

"Snug as a bug in a rug." 

"Well then," he turned back to see that everyone had taken advantage of the wool blankets and quilts and were now waiting expectantly, "are you all ready?" 

"READY!" 

With a flick of the reins and a jerk they were off into the woods, winding through snow covered pines and following along the bluff of a frozen stream that meandered through the forest to eventually feed into the pond. There was a solitude and peace in the woods, as if they'd entered another world. Glittering icicles dripped from the limbs of the evergreens and the moonlight filtered through the skinny trunks of the naked white birch trees to create dark shadows dancing across the pristine white bluff. The night was cold and silent save for the heavy plodding of the horses' hooves, the sleigh bells jingling on their harnesses and the whoosh of the gliders crunching through the snow. It was a magical moment, a feeling of being at one with the night, with nature. A moment even the excited children appreciated as they sat quietly in awe, nestled under their warm blankets with only their rosy red noses and sparkling eyes visible. 

When they moved from the quiet serenity of the dark, shadowed woods, Abbey's breath caught in her throat. A winter wonderland lay stretched out before them – an open flawless snowy meadow awash in the shining glow of moonlight. In the back of the wagon, excited eyes turned upward toward the vast, black, starlit sky searching for a glimpse of the elusive Santa Claus. 

"It's awfully quiet back there," Jed said. "Are you guys having fun?" 

"YES!" 

"Well, I think it's time for a Christmas carol. How about a little 'Jingle Bells'?" 

Within moments the silence of the night was broken as the group burst out in song while the sleigh picked up speed to dash across the opens fields just as the song they sang suggested. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "Dashing through the snow   
> In a one-horse open sleigh,   
> O'er the fields we go,   
> Laughing all the way;   
> Bells on bob-tail ring,   
> Making spirits bright,   
> What fun it is to ride and sing   
> A sleighing song tonight. 
> 
> Oh,jingle bells, jingle bells,   
> Jingle all the way!   
> O what fun it is to ride   
> In a one-horse open sleigh   
> HEY!"

By the time they were plodding up the sloping hill of the orchard in the middle of "The Twelve Days of Christmas", big fat snowflakes began to fall settling like powder on the limbs of the apple trees and turning the landscape into a sparkling fairyland. Jed paused at the crest of the hill allowing everyone to take in the picturesque view of the farm spread out in the valley below them and to warm up with some hot chocolate. 

Upon taking his first sip, Jed cast a knowing smile at Abbey. "You added some butterscotch schnapps." 

"For the adults thermos, yes. Really warms the bones, doesn't it?" 

"Mmm...." Jed took another swallow of the hot liquid, his eyes drawn to his wife. With her face tilted to the sky, Abbey was letting snow melt on her tongue as it fell. Some of the snowflakes were caught in her long eyelashes and in the auburn curls that spilled from her hat. She was so beautiful it made his heart ache. Reaching out, he rested a hand over her covered knee, rubbing it softly. 

"Having fun?" he asked. 

In response, she inhaled the crisp, cold, winter air and answered, "You know I am. This night...I don't know how you did it without me finding out, but, you've certainly given us all something very special." 

"Can't get more Currier and Ives than this, can we?" 

"Ugh," she groaned, "you're never going to let me live that statement down, are you?" 

"Nope." He winked at her and bent to kiss away the snowflake that landed on the tip of her nose. 

"Daddy, stop kissing Mommy and make the horsies go," Aislinn demanded impatiently. 

Abbey reached out to brush the snow that had gathered in Jed's thick hair. "Sounds like you've got your orders." 

"I have no idea where she gets that bossy gene." 

"Me either." The knowing smile over her cup of hot chocolate had Jed smiling in return. 

"Is everyone else ready to start up again?" he asked. 

With an affirmative on that question, Jed flicked his wrists and turned the big horses back down the hill. The lights of the farmhouse and smoke from the chimney beckoned them home and they sang all the way back to the house. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing Ring ting tingle-ing too   
> Come on, it's lovely weather For a sleigh ride together with you.   
> Outside the snow is falling And friends are calling 'You Hoo'   
> Come on, it's lovely weather For a sleigh ride together with you. 
> 
> Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap let's go   
> Let's look at the show   
> We're riding in a wonderland of snow   
> Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap it's grand   
> Just holding your hand   
> We're gliding along with the song of a wintry fairy land. 
> 
> Our cheeks are nice and rosy and comfy cozy are we   
> We're snuggled up together like two birds of a feather would be   
> Let's take the road before us and sing a chorus or two   
> Come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you 
> 
> There's a birthday party at the home of Farmer Gray   
> It'll be the perfect ending of a perfect day   
> We'll be singing the songs we love to sing without a single stop   
> At the fireplace while we watch the chestnuts pop   
> Pop! Pop! Pop! 
> 
> There's a happy feeling nothing in the world can buy   
> When they pass around the coffee and the pumpkin pie   
> It'll nearly be like a picture print by Currier and Ives   
> These wonderful things are the things we remember all through our lives."   
>    ( _Sleigh Ride_ by Mitchell Parish and Leroy Anderson)

**** 

By the time they got back to the house it was not only past the twins bedtime, but also late enough for the Westins to start packing up to head home for the night. When Elizabeth went upstairs with Abbey to change all the youngsters into the new Christmas pajamas Abbey had bought them all, Jed saw the chance to make his move. 

"Doug," he wheeled over to where Doug was helping Beth put Elizabeth's now clean casserole dishes in a bag, "can I talk to you for a minute?" 

Doug's stomach constricted. Damn, he'd almost made a clean getaway. Inhaling deeply, his stomach rising to his throat, Doug tried not to groan aloud or show his discomfort to Jed. He should have known that he wasn't going to make it through this Bartlet family get together without getting a lecture from Elizabeth's father. Knowing it was coming and being prepared for it did not stop him from feeling slightly ill as he followed his father-in-law into the library. 

"I know what this is about, Jed, and I have to say it's really not any of your concern. Elizabeth and I are handling things." The best defense was a good offense – or, maybe not. Jed's face reddened his eyes hardening with distaste. 

"Not my concern? Really? Well, that may be your opinion, but it couldn't be further from the truth. Elizabeth IS my concern; Anabeth and Gus are my concern. Unlike some people, my family will ALWAYS be my concern and that's something that you would be wise to remember." 

"You don't understand I–" 

"No, I don't understand, Doug." He shook his head with disgust. "Having sex with your children's NANNY in the bed you share with your WIFE? I can't BEGIN to understand the thought process that allowed you to behave with such utter and complete depravity." 

Doug froze at the icy disdain emanating from the other man. Even in a wheelchair Jed Bartlet was a force to be reckoned with. And he wasn't even finished. Far from it. 

"No, I don't understand how you could be so STUPID. I don't understand how you could be so selfish and so cruel. I don't understand how you could hurt a woman you profess to love or how you could betray your entire family that way. You're absolutely right. I don't understand any of that. But I didn't drag you in here to discuss your lack of human decency and morality or even the ins and outs of infidelity. I dragged you in here to tell you that whatever happened in the past, it stops NOW." 

"Whhaaat?" The flabbergasted look on Doug's face might have amused Jed were it not for the fact that he was so furious with him. 

"You heard me. I'm well aware of the fact that Elizabeth sent the nanny packing and that she very generously – too generously if you ask me – has offered you a second chance. But don't think for one second that I don't know what you're capable of. I hope to God that I'm wrong. I hope to God that you will grow up and become a man your wife and children can respect; but I'm here to tell you that if you fuck up again, if you so much as LOOK at another woman with interest, I will not only NOT campaign for you, I will DESTROY you." 

Staring in shock as Jed leveled him with a look of utter contempt, Doug had to quickly jump to the side to keep from being run over as the angry man wheeled by him without so much as a by your leave. 

Re-entering the living room, Jed's anger quickly dissipated. His family was gathered around the piano where Abbey and Ellie were playing Christmas carols. Sitting perched on top of the grand piano and looking pleased as punch at being in such a prime location were Nicholas and Aislinn. Faces scrubbed and shining, they both wore their new Christmas pajamas. Aislinn's were pink silk covered with little red and white candy canes while Nicky's were a light blue flannel and covered in penguins. Their Winnie the Pooh themed slippered feet dangled over the side of the piano, Aislinn's covered by Piglet, Nicky's by Tigger. 

"You ladies are really good," Sam said, as they finished a rollicking version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". He was finding there was an awful lot about the Bartlets he didn't know. 

"All my girls took piano lessons," Abbey said with a pointed look to Zoey. "Some did better than others." 

"Are you referring to me, mother dear?" Zoey asked. 

"If the shoe fits, daughter dear. You see," her attention moved back to Sam, "both Elizabeth and Ellie enjoyed their lessons and loved to practice but Zoey never had the patience. She would squirm and fuss until I let her run off to the barn to muck about with the animals." 

"Jeez, Mom, you make it sound like I needed Ritalin or something." 

Abbey laughed. "I didn't say that. You had your own interests." Abbey had never been one of those mothers who tried to fit their daughters into a mold of their making. She'd always allowed them to be who they were and to explore the varied interests that made them happy. 

"In that respect, you weren't any different from anyone else in this house. You knew exactly who you were. And sitting inside playing the piano is NOT who you were or are. You would much rather spend your time on the back of a horse or exploring the woods." 

"Outdoors girl?" Sam asked. 

"You betcha," Zoey grinned. 

"My dad used to threaten to bring Zoey's bed down to the barn so she could sleep there too." Ellie grinned at her sister and took a sip of her eggnog. 

"I wouldn't have minded," Zoey countered. There was a time she'd have given anything to sleep curled up in the hay with her beloved pony or a brand new baby goat she was raising for 4H. 

"No kidding," Jed snorted. "The fights you used to give me when I tried to get you to come in for the night," he shook his head. "But, your mom nixed the idea of the bed." 

"Call me crazy for actually wanting to SEE my daughter once in a while." 

Watching the by-play and standing quietly in the background, Elizabeth played with the cross that dangled from her slender neck as she had been since coming downstairs to find that her father and husband were sequestered in the library. Her eyes moved nervously from the piano to her husband as Doug finally joined them. She was relieved to see that he was all in one piece though he definitely looked a little worse the wear. Doug's face was pale and drawn tight, his eyes hooded. She felt a pinprick of satisfaction with his appearance. She had never wanted her father and Doug to brawl, even before her dad was in the wheelchair but a part of her was happy to see that her husband had not emerged from the encounter completely unscathed. It was a little unsettling though to see that Doug seemed more upset after his encounter with Jed than he had when she'd poured her heart out to him in counseling sessions. She simply didn't want to believe that her husband worried more about the reaction of her father and the effects it would have on his political career than he did about the reaction of his wife and the effects it would have on his marriage. 

Elizabeth could feel the tension emanating from Doug as he joined her in the back of the room. 

"I think it's time we head out," he said tightly. 

"Dad, we can't leave yet," Gus protested. "Papa Jed is going to read _The Night Before Christmas_." 

Doug nodded quietly, trying not to betray his irritation. "We'll stay for the reading but then we have to leave so you can be asleep for Santa to bring your gifts." 

Abbey and Ellie stood and removed Nicholas and Aislinn from the piano so they could join Gus and the rest of the family crowding around Jed in front of the fireplace for the annual reading of the famous Clement Clarke Moore poem. 

" _'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse._ " 

Sitting back in an overstuffed chair, Abbey smiled at the look on her kids' faces – eager enrapture warring with heavy lidded exhaustion. 

By the time she carried them off to bed after the reading, they were more than ready to be tucked in with visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads. 

"Mommy," Nicholas asked rubbing his eyes sleepily as Abbey tucked the blankets in up under his chin. "How come we didn't see Santa Claus in the sky?" 

"Because Santa only comes when all good little boys and girls are fast asleep." 

Nicholas closed his eyes tightly feigning sleep. Abbey chuckled and gently touched her lips to his cheek. "Good night, little man. Sweet dreams." 

"Night, Mommy." 

By the time she got to Aislinn's bed, the little girl was already asleep surrounded by every stuffed animal she owned. Pushing some of the animals out of the way and placing them at the foot of the bed so the child would have room to move, Abbey adjusted Aislinn's pajama top to cover her belly then lifted her blankets tucking them in around her. Sitting gently on the edge of the bed, she brushed the wispy curling strands of pale blonde hair back off Aislinn's pretty little angelic face. A sigh was emitted from the little girl's rosebud lips at the touch and drew a tender smile to Abbey's lips as she bent to kiss her forehead. 

"Good night, baby girl. Sweet dreams." 

**** 

Meanwhile, downstairs, Jed was sitting on the couch munching on the snickerdoodles and drinking the milk the children had left out for Santa Claus. Before him lay the stockings Abbey had pulled off the mantle so he could fill them from the paper bags full of goodies that she had labeled with each child's name. He was in the process of doing just that when Abbey returned from tucking the kids in. She had changed into a pair of pajamas – red silk with white snowflakes. Her nipples, responding to the chill in the room, hardened and were easily visible thrusting out against the silk. Jed felt desire. He wanted his wife, wanted her as he'd had her last Christmas Eve, begging and moaning and gasping for air while he made love to her fast and fierce. Willing his body to respond, he closed his eyes and waited for the desire to move like liquid heat down his spine, warming his belly and finally filling his penis until he was aching and turgid with need. Only this time it didn't happen as it usually did. The desire ended in his belly, the response below his waist non-existent. 

Unaware of her husband's struggle, Abbey stole a cookie from the platter and plopped down on the couch beside him. 

"Hey you," she curled her legs up underneath her and snuggled up to his side. 

"Hey yourself," Jed dragged his mind away from his disappointment and offered her a smile. "Kids asleep?" 

"Yep. We should probably give it about an hour before we put the stuff under the tree though." 

"Probably. Remember the year Ellie and Zoey almost caught us." 

Her chuckle was muffled against his shoulder. "If it wasn't for Bruin's bark alerting us to their wanderings, we'd have had two VERY young non-believers." 

Jed smiled at the memory. Two little tousled haired girls sitting at the top of the stairs in their nightgowns, one blond and one strawberry blond, trying desperately to hush the big dog so they could peer through the rails of the banister to catch Santa Claus. 

"I love Christmas," Abbey sighed, while running a hand up under Jed's shirt to rub his abdomen. "All the old memories, and the new ones we just made. I especially like it now that I know I won't have to be called away on an emergency." 

"I like that too." He kissed the top of her head. While he understood Abbey's career choice and supported it wholeheartedly – so proud of her at times he thought he would bust – it was still disappointing when she got called away in the middle of a holiday. Something he was sure she felt too now that he was the President. 

"You really did a number on Doug tonight, didn't you?" 

"It showed?" 

"He was white as a sheet when he came out of that room. It looked like you hit him with some of that famous Wrath of Bartlet." 

"I simply let him know that if he so much as looks at another woman, he's finished in politics." There was an underlying steeliness to the calm words he spoke and Abbey gave a little shiver. 

"I'm sure there is nothing simple about the way you explained that to him." 

"Let's just say that old Dougie knows exactly where I stand. And then I almost ran him over in my wheelchair." 

Her hand paused and she pulled back to look up at him, eyes widening. "You didn't." 

"You bet your gorgeous little ass I did." 

She threw back her head in laughter. "Oh, Jed Bartlet, I DO love you." 

He grinned back at her. "I thought you might like that." 

"I should be chastising you, you know." 

"But–" 

"But I know how good it felt to elbow him in the balls, so I'll give you your moment of revenge." 

"It did feel good." 

"I'm glad. But I don't want to talk about Doug anymore." 

"What do you want to do?" 

"I want you just to hold me until it's time put the gifts under the tree." 

"I think I can manage that." He pulled her more tightly against him, her cheek resting on his chest while his arm curved over her shoulders. Surprisingly, Jed found himself forgetting about his earlier disappointment and simply enjoying the intimacy of holding his wife in his arms, her soft breasts pressed into his side, her hair so silky under his chin and her fingers dancing playfully over his chest. He knew the disappointment would be back, but for tonight it was okay. 

Abbey loved the romance of Christmas Eve: the lights twinkling on the tree, the soft melodious voice of Bing Crosby crooning sentimental holiday favorites, the logs popping and crackling in the fireplace and Jed's arm cuddling her close, his heartbeat strong under her cheek. She hadn't known what this Christmas Eve would bring. Things had been a bit shaky at church, but thanks to both their efforts, it had turned out to be a special evening after all. And now she was just where she wanted to be – curled up warmly in her husband's arms, her children sleeping safe and warm above them. It was the end of a beautiful night. 


	36. Altered Lives

"Mommy, Mommy..." Abbey woke to warm soft little hands patting her cheeks to gain her attention. Ignoring them, she tried to bury her face more deeply in the pillow. It couldn't be morning; she'd just gone to bed. The insistent little boy at her side felt otherwise. 

"Mommy, time to get up." His fingers began pulling at the skin beneath her eye, trying to pull it open. 

"Okay, Okay," Abbey groused, turning away from her son's hands. "Let's not give gravity a helping hand here." 

"What's gravity?" 

"Gravity is the enemy of mommies all over the world." She yawned and ran a hand through her tangled hair. 

"Guess what?" His light blue eyes twinkled merrily. 

"What?" 

"Santa came!" A quick leap had him face down on the mattress beside her, with Panda right behind. Abbey helped him to an upright position while the dog curled up at Jed's feet. Nicholas was still grinning widely. 

"And how do you know that Santa came?" Abbey couldn't resist teasing the dimple in his cheek with the tip of her finger. 

"We peeked in to look at the tree and I saw LOTS of presents. But we didn't go in 'cause you told us no presents till we waked you up." 

With another wide yawn and a stretch of her arms up over her head, Abbey noticed the "we" meant him and Aislinn. Aislinn was standing on the other side of the bed, face scrunched in concentration as she poked at Jed's face with one little finger. So far he'd been able to ignore her. Abbey hadn't felt him stir. 

Bending down, her breath warm in Jed's ear, Abbey whispered. "The last time you ignored her she plucked your eyebrow." 

That did it. Jed's eyes snapped open and he rolled away out of the reach of Aislinn's hands. 

"Yeah, you were really sleeping," Abbey smirked. 

Rubbing at his eyes, he grumbled, "Is it even dawn yet?" 

"'Fraid so." 

Jed squinted at the clock and then at his daughter and reached out a hand to run over the tangled curls at the back of her head. "You've got some serious bed-head going there, kiddo." 

Aislinn reached back to touch her hair, a frown wrinkling her nose. 

"It's okay," he laughed. "You're cute. You can pull it off." 

"It's time to get UP, Daddy." Her worries about her hair forgotten, Aislinn scrambled up onto the bed and began bouncing on her knees. A wry smile tugged at Abbey's lips at the age old instinctive move Jed made to protect his groin. He saw the smile and shrugged. 

"I may not be able to feel anything yet, but I'd still like to be able to use it again in the future." 

"Hey, babe, I hear you." With a quick kiss to his cheek, Abbey allowed Nicholas to pull her out of the bed. 

"Daddy, you gotta get up too," Aislinn urged. 

"While Daddy gets up, I want you two to go and let Max and Panda outside to do their business then wait for us in the kitchen. You aren't opening any gifts until everyone is up." 

"Okay! Let's go! C'mon Max!" Nicholas held the door open for the big shepherd who dutifully left the room. Panda, however, was still asleep on the bed and not in any hurry to give up her comfortable position. 

"Panda," Aislinn rested her nose against the Sheltie's long muzzle. "Time to go potty." She giggled as the dog jumped to her feet, then jumped to the floor. Within seconds both girl and dog were racing down the hall to the door. 

Jed cast Abbey a grateful smile. "Thank you." The last thing he wanted was his children seeing Abbey have to help him into his chair or onto the toilet. 

"You're welcome." As she helped him go about his morning business, Abbey allowed one momentary "what if" to creep into her optimism. What if Jed didn't get better. What if this was as good as it got for him? She might very well have to do something in this house to help him regain his independence. A lift to the second floor, more room in the bathroom to accommodate his wheelchair – a list began forming in her head. People in wheelchairs lived on their own and took care of themselves all the time. And if Jed was going to be in a wheelchair, he was going to need that normality. It was the humiliation in Jed's eyes every time he had to ask her for help that was so hurtful for Abbey. Looking into those eyes, seeing the shame and the defeat was like a sharp stab of pain to her heart, so real she physically ached with it. And she'd be damned if she wouldn't do everything she could to empower him to take back his life, to take away that humiliation and give him back his dignity and freedom. God willing, she was simply crossing bridges before she got to them and Jed would be up and walking soon, but it wasn't something she could continue to ignore. 

"I'm going to need to have a hopefully quick briefing before we can get into opening gifts," Jed reminded Abbey while she helped him back into his chair. 

"Yeah, I know the routine by now." Abbey slipped into her bathrobe and Jed followed her down the hall to the kitchen. 

"If I take too long, let the twins get started." 

Abbey stopped so abruptly Jed almost ran her over. "No way. They aren't going to open their gifts without you. Besides our parents, Ellie, Zoey and Sam aren't even up yet." 

"They're little, Abbey. They don't understand security briefings." His brow wrinkled at Abbey's snort of laughter. "What?" 

"Jed, for as long as they've been alive, you've been the President. Believe me, they understand security briefings." 

"Yeah I guess you're right. I just hate always being the guy that holds things up." 

"Well, having been that gal once, I hear you. But what did you always tell me? Anticipation never killed anyone." 

"I hate it when you use my own words against me." 

"I know." She wrinkled her nose at him much as Aislinn had earlier. "I'll tell you what. If the troops get too antsy I'll let them get into their stockings. Deal?" 

"Deal. That should–" Jed was cut off by the shriek Abbey gave as they entered the kitchen and found Nicholas standing on the counter hanging on the waving cupboard door. 

"Oh my GOD, Nicholas, what are you doing!" Abbey raced forward and plucked him off the counter into the safety of her arms before he could topple backward onto the hard ceramic tiled floor. The kisses she smothered into his head belied the anger of her words. 

"You know better than to climb up on the counter. I've told you and told and told you. It's dangerous." She saw now that he'd pulled a chair to the counter and had gone from there. 

Nicholas scowled and squirmed away from her kisses. "I wanted something to eat." 

"Then you ask a grown up to get something for you." 

"But look, Mommy, I got the cereal." Proudly, he pointed to the box of Lucky Charms that lay on its side half spilled on the counter. Abbey's eyes met Jed's warning him not to laugh. 

"Yes, you did, but I don't want you doing that ever again. You could have fallen and cracked your head open." She started to set him down on the floor, her eyes widening when they set on her daughter. Ignoring the ruckus, Aislinn was seated quietly on the floor in front of the wide open door of the refrigerator sharing a pudding cup with Oliver the cat. Evidently, getting a spoon would have been too much of an effort so she was eating it with her fingers. 

"Aislinn!" 

Aislinn yanked her sticky fingers away from the cat's licking tongue and turned to face her mother with guilty eyes and a chocolate smeared face. "What?" 

"Well, on that note, I think I'm going to head over for my briefing." 

"Coward." Abbey muttered. His chuckle was heard all the way down the hall as he wheeled away. 

**** 

"I wrapped it all by myself too." Aislinn watched with excited eyes as her mother continued to work at the paper that covered the small, messily wrapped box. 

Abbey gave Jed a wry look. "I bet Daddy helped you with the tape, didn't he?" 

"Uh huh." She nodded. Jed was notorious for using too much tape when wrapping a gift. 

Finally, Abbey got it opened and grinned at what lay inside. 

"It's bling bling, Mommy! Just like Zoey said." There was nothing Aislinn loved more than to pilfer through Abbey's jewelry boxes. The shiny "bling", as her big sister called it, fascinated the little girl. 

Abbey gently lifted the glitter-covered bracelet Aislinn had made for her in pre-school and showed it off to everyone. The oohs and awws from the rest of the family thrilled the little girl. 

"It is a BEAUTIFUL piece of bling bling, baby girl. I LOVE it." She bent to kiss her daughter's cheek. 

"Now do mine, Mommy." Nicholas placed a similarly wrapped box on her lap, only this one was a little bigger. The gift inside was a necklace made of hard macaroni noodles painted in blinding neon shades of magenta and lime green. 

"Oh wow, this is beautiful too, Nicky B." Abbey pulled it out of the box to show everyone as she had Aislinn's bracelet and Nicholas beamed proudly. 

"I painted it all by myself. I picked the brightest colors 'cause Daddy said you like bright colors. You like the colors?" 

Abbey smiled at him tenderly and kissed the top of his head. She'd certainly never get lost in the dark. "I love the colors, sweetheart. And I especially love that you did it all by yourself." 

While the kids scampered off under the tree where more presents awaited them, Abbey leaned over and whispered to Jed. "Bright colors, huh?" 

"Don't blame me. I was thinking indigo and emerald. I didn't know he'd go with Day-Glo." 

Abbey fingered the noodles thinking of her little boy and little girl painstakingly working at making her a special Christmas gift. Her heart swelled with emotion. "I still love it." 

Jed reached out and squeezed her hand, feeling the same way about the lumpy, painted clay paperweights that had been his gifts from each child. Aislinn's masterpiece, painted bright pink and covered with purple "My Little Pony" stickers, was sure to be a conversation piece in the Oval Office. 

Setting the gifts aside, Abbey sat back to watch the kids open more presents. It was really the first Christmas that they were old enough to be more interested in what was inside the box rather than the box itself or the paper and bows. Although Aislinn did have two bows stuck in her hair. 

"Oh LOOKIT!" Aislinn shrieked with joy. "It's a ruffle pant dress just like Clara!" 

Watching her digging through the tissue paper, tossing it aside like a whirling dervish, Jed grinned widely, thrilled with her response. "You like it?" 

"I LOVE it." Aislinn clapped and jumped to her feet, then to everyone's amazement began stripping out of her pajamas. 

"Ash, may I ask what you think you're doing?" Abbey asked. 

"I wanna put on my ruffle dress." 

"You can put it on later. There are still more gifts to be opened. Put your PJs back on." 

Now naked save for her _Little Mermaid_ underpants, Aislinn stood before her mother, hands closed in prayer, eyes scrunched shut. "Please, Mommy, PLEASE..." 

Abbey chuckled and shrugged. "Well, why not. It is Christmas after all." 

"Yay!" 

"But you're going to have to stop jumping around if you want me to help you get it on." 

"Okay. How did Santa get my dress, Mommy? You said it was too late to put it on my Santa list." 

"Santa didn't give you this gift, buttercup. That's why it's important you read the tags." 

"Who gave it to me?" 

"Go look at the tag. You're the little whiz kid, read it." 

Aislinn picked through the paper to find the piece that had the tag on it. Eyes shining, she jumped to her feet and ran to her father. "DADDY!" She leapt up on the couch and threw her arms around him. "You gave it to me." There was nothing to a parent like the hero worship in a young child's eye. 

"Yes, I did. And I hope you see that I made sure it was pink AND that it had ruffle pants. It may have been too late for Santa but it's never too late for dear old dad." 

"Thank you, Daddy." 

"You're welcome, sunshine." 

"This one is to you, Dad." 

Setting Aislinn down, Jed accepted the long flat gift that Ellie handed him. 

"Another one from Mom," he said reading the tag. "Not sure how you can top the jukebox." 

Earlier, he'd opened a large authentic jukebox filled with all his favorite songs from the fifties, sixties and seventies – to the groans of dismay from his elder daughters who did not enjoy nor understand his affinity for the "oldies". 

"That was a fun gift. This one's more personal." 

He tore at the paper with a perplexed look wondering what kind of "personal" item it would be. When he pulled the paper apart, the look of confusion faded and his face softened, his eyes growing suspiciously shiny. Her own eyes glistening at his response, Abbey reached out to take his hand. 

"Did you actually make this?" Jed's voice was husky with emotion. 

She nodded with a ruefully. "I even have the scars on my fingertips to prove it." While Abbey loved to cook and decorate her home, the other so-called feminine arts of sewing, knitting and crocheting were not part of her repertoire. Like Zoey, she would rather be outside hiking, riding, puttering around in the garden with the sun on her shoulders, or reading a book in the shade under the weeping willow tree down by the pond rather than sitting inside at a sewing machine. But surprisingly enough, the painstaking work involved in making this gift for Jed had been a real labor of love, and not so surprisingly, a huge test of her patience. The rest of the room waited growing confused at the silence. 

"Are you going to tell us what is, Dad?" Zoey finally asked. 

Gently, Jed lifted the framed old-fashioned country sampler Abbey had embroidered. In the middle was a windmill that tilted decidedly to one side. On the left of the windmill was the Israeli flag, on the right, the Palestinian, and on the top, the American. 

"What does it say, Jed?" Beth asked. "We can't read it from here." 

Clearing his throat, Jed read the stitching. "To Josiah Bartlet, the man who dared to tilt at a windmill." Looking from the sampler to Abbey, he took her hand, lifted it to his lips for a kiss, and then pressed it against his heart. "I love it, sweetheart. Thank you so much." 

"I want you to put it up in the Oval Office so that when you're tired or doubtful you can look at it and be reminded of all that you are capable of." 

Jed nodded still fighting the lump in his throat. More than the sentiment, the love and time and effort that Abbey had put in to doing something that he knew she did not enjoy moved him very deeply. 

"It's a lovely gift, Abigail." Emily surprised Abbey with the praise. 

"Yeah it really is, Mom," Ellie said, "But what I want to know is who helped you?" 

Affronted, Abbey turned to her daughter. "What makes you think I needed any help?" 

They all laughed. "Mom, you may be a brilliant surgeon but hemming a pair of pants or sewing on a Girl Scout patch on a sash is about your limit. I've never seen you embroider anything. Come on, fess up." 

Glancing over the rim of her coffee mug at the expectant faces of her family Abbey knew she was beat. "Well, if you must know, your Aunt Jane penciled in the design and I had someone from the Smithsonian's Renwick Gallery of American folk art show me how to do the stitching." 

"Well, since we're doing mushy, I have one more little gift here." 

"Jed," Abbey protested, "you already gave me my mushy gift." 

Together their eyes moved to the beautiful oil painting placed high up on the mantle where it couldn't be damaged. Jed had commissioned the painting to be done from one of his favorite pictures of the many he had taken of Abbey on their summer trip to Ireland. Seated atop a tall white Irish steed, long auburn hair flowing like ribbons behind her in the sea breeze, cheeks flushed, jade green eyes shining, and the wild, windswept coast of Donegal as the dramatic background, it was Abbey as Jed saw her, captured in a perfect moment. The love for him was almost palpable in the radiant smile that lit up her whole face. The artist had captured perfectly what Jed had seen through the lens of his camera. 

Looking at the picture, Abbey was transported back to that coast. To candlelight dinners in a thatched roof cottage and long romantic walks along the crashing surf of the beach. To picnics on a heather covered moor and passionate, tender lovemaking in front of a peat fire. The portrait evoked memories and emotions in her that were very, very special. 

"Be that as it may, you are getting another mushy one." He dropped a small box on her lap. Abbey picked it up and read the tag. 

"Ahh, so this one is from Daddy, Aislinn and Nicholas. What could it be?" 

Aislinn raced over and stood at her knee. "Want me to tell you?" Abbey laughed and began tearing at the paper. 

"No, but I'm impressed that you kept it a secret for as long as you did." She opened the Swarovski box, her eyes snapping to Jed's when she saw the delicate crystal angel that lay inside. 

"Oh," a soft sigh escaped her lips as she carefully lifted it out of the box. The light immediately began to refract in a rainbow of colors against the wall. "Jed, it's exquisite." 

"A couple little birdies told me about the visit you had from a woman you helped at the clinic." 

"We're the birdies, Mommy," Nicholas told her. "'Member that lady called you a angel. I told Daddy you said you wasn't an angel." 

"'Cause you don't have wings," Aislinn reminded her. 

"But Daddy said there are angels EVERYWHERE and they don't have to have wings. He said all people who help other people are angels." 

"So you're a angel, Mommy, 'cause you help people all the TIME," Aislinn flounced down next to her. "Gogtors fix up sick people and you're a gogtor." 

"Yes, I am a doctor. But, that doesn't make me an angel," Abbey shook her head. "That woman – she was exaggerating. I was just doing my job. I'm certainly no angel." 

"Abbey, how long have I known you?" Jed laid a hand on her knee. "You never just do your job. You always go above and beyond. You care about people beyond what you do for them as your job. You gave that woman and her family a very special Christmas. You are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside," he trailed a finger gently over her cheekbone, "and that's where it really matters." 

Deeply touched, Abbey's throat closed with emotion and she felt the sting of tears as Jed's lips touched hers and for one moment she forgot that she was in the midst of her family. It was the groans of their elder daughters and the giggles of their younger twins that broke them apart. Smiling, Abbey glanced back down at the angel in her hand. 

"I really do love it and I know just the place for it. I'm going to hang it in the window by my desk back at the White House. That way it can catch and refract the light around the room." 

By the time Zoey was happily trying on a silver bracelet with a Celtic design that her parents had bought her in Ireland, there was a loud commotion in the hall. 

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph getting into this place is harder than getting into Fort Knox." 

Abbey bit back a smile at Jane and Vivian's dramatic entrance. Both women were laden down with even more gifts. 

"You've been to Fort Knox often, Vivian?" Jed asked dryly. 

"Ah, you're a funny one, Mr. Prez." 

Abbey couldn't fight the smile anymore, especially when she took in the contrast between her sister and her sister's partner. Jane had never cared much about fashion, make up or hair but she was still well turned out. She wore a pair of simple black wool slacks and a dark green ribbed turtleneck sweater. Her short dark auburn hair was held back by a black headband and she wore no make up or jewelry. She was an attractive woman and, like Abbey, looked far younger than she was. Vivian, on the other hand, was her usual flamboyant self, decked head to toe in red – including a sweeping red cape. Big shining green Christmas balls dangled from her ears and a Christmas tree brooch that actually lit up flashed on and off on her chest. Never did there seem to be a more mismatched pair and yet somehow they worked. Jane and Vivian had been together going on a year now – it was the longest relationship that Jane had been in since Patricia's death and Abbey was happy for her. 

"Aunt Jane, we were getting worried that you weren't going to make it." Ellie and Zoey rose to help Jane and Vivian carry in their gifts. 

"This is early for Vivi," Jane said. "She doesn't like to get up until about noon." 

"I'm a night owl. What can I say," Vivian shrugged. 

"You brought more PRESENTS!" Nicholas hopped to his feet. 

Vivian tweaked his nose. "There might even be one or two in there for you." 

"Yay!" 

Jane took great joy in being surrounded by her nieces and nephew. As fulfilled as she had been through the years with her friends and her career in the world of art, being alone at Christmas was not easy. It was the one time of the year where it hit her like a ton of bricks that she didn't have any children of her own. And so she immersed herself with her sister's family, becoming a doting and loving aunt to Abbey's growing family. She'd enjoyed very much having Elizabeth, Ellie and Zoey spend long weekends with her at her home in Boston, which also gave Abbey and Jed some alone time that was greatly appreciated. Jane loved her nieces and looked forward to those visits, buying the girls' favorite foods and planning things out to maximize their time together. They visited museums and the aquarium. They went to Boston Common to ride the swan boats and to stroll through the Botanical Gardens. They had long summer lunches at outdoor cafes on Newberry Street and watched movies until it was way past the girls' bedtime. It was a lot of fun and it filled a maternal need in Jane that was generally filled by her pets. Along the way, Jane had come to terms with not having children and was simply grateful that she had a standing invite to Christmas with Abbey's family where she could share the joy and magic of Christmas through a child's eyes. But this year, well, this year was even better because for the first time since Patricia's death, she had somebody of her own to share all this with. 

Busy with helping Jane and Vivian place their gifts under the tree, no one noticed Panda's stealthy moves toward the bright macaroni necklace that dangled over the edge of the coffee table. Gently, the dog grasped the necklace in her teeth and tugged it out of the box and turned to make her getaway. 

"Panda, NO!" 

At Nicky's outcry, Panda jumped over the pile of boxes and beelined it out of the living room, Abbey's necklace in her mouth. 

"Mommy, she's gonna EAT it!" Nicholas wailed as took off after the dog. 

Ever protective, Max hopped into the melee knocking Aislinn down on his way to follow the chase. Landing hard on her bottom, Aislinn shrieked with outrage. Abbey lifted the crying little girl from the floor, set her on Jed's lap and raced off after her son and the dogs. Cornered at the end of the hall, Panda dropped the necklace at Abbey's command. 

"Naughty girl, Panda," Nicholas scolded. The little Sheltie cast him a guilty look and knowing she was in trouble, slunk away with her head down. 

Abbey examined the necklace then knelt before her sniffling son. "Look, Nick." She showed him the necklace. "She didn't hurt it at all. It's all in one piece." 

"She didn't break it?" 

"Nope. In fact, I think I'll put it on now so you can see for yourself." 

Mollified, Nicholas watched his mother tie the necklace he'd made her around her neck. 

"What do you think?" Abbey lifted her chin turning her head from side to side to show off the necklace. 

"Pretty!" 

Taking his hand, Abbey led him back into the living room where Aislinn lay hiccuping softly against Jed's chest. 

"She okay?" 

"She's fine." Jed wiped his daughter's tears with a thumb. "More bruised feelings than anything." 

A guilty Max rested his muzzle on Jed's thigh, nuzzling at Aislinn's leg. Aislinn scowled down at the dog and Jed chuckled softly. 

"Aw, Ash, Max is trying to say he's sorry. He didn't mean to knock you down. He's just a big galoot." 

Unswayed, Aislinn kept her face averted from the dog until a soft whine drew her attention. With a loud dramatic sigh, she rested a tiny hand on the big dog's head and gave a scratch. 

"It's okay, Max. You can't help it if you're a big galoot." 

"So," Vivian whispered to Jane. "Is Christmas always like this here?" 

"Fun? Never a dull moment?" 

"I was going to say loud." 

"That too," Jane's eyes glowed with affection toward her family. "You should have been here last year. Now that was some real excitement." 

"What happened?" 

"Panda didn't run off with a necklace. She ran off with one of Jed's condoms." 

Vivian's mouth dropped open. "You're kidding me. Tell me it wasn't used." 

"Oh, ewww...no, and thanks for putting that image in my head." 

"Hey, it's a valid question." 

"Well, it was not used. It was a glow in the dark condom in a foil package that his mother opened in front of everyone." 

"Whoa, explain please. What was Jed's mother doing opening his condom?" 

Giggling, Jane continued. "She didn't KNOW it was a condom. Nicholas found it in the pocket of Jed's bathrobe and brought it to Emily thinking it was a fruit roll up. She opened it, saw what it was, and nearly passed out." 

Looking at the prim and proper Emily Bartlet seated on the far side of the room in front of the fireplace, Vivian burst into laughter. "Oh, damn, I wish I'd been here for that one." 

"It was rather funny. The kids thought it was a balloon and Abbey and Jed were so red they looked like they were suffering from sunstroke." 

"I can imagine. What I want to know is when they started making glow in the dark condoms anyway?" 

"You're asking the wrong woman, Vivi," Jane grinned widely. "It was the first condom I'd ever seen – and the last." 

"Do you really think a discussion about condoms is appropriate on Christmas morning?" Abbey hissed upon catching their conversation. 

Jane held no trepidation in dealing with Abbey. First and foremost, they were sisters and as such there was none of the awe that some people had about being in the presence of the First Lady. "About as appropriate as USING a condom Christmas morning then telling your kids you were wrestling naked when they catch you in the act," she smirked. 

"Jane!" Abbey sputtered with disbelief. 

Vivian gave Abbey a look of both impressed awe and shock then burst into laughter. It was hard for her to remember back to a time when she was reluctant to meet this family thinking they would be stuffy and boring. The more she got to know the Bartlet/O'Neill clan, the more she was growing to love them. 

**** 

"Abbey, I think the energizer bunny just ran out." 

"What?" Abbey pulled her head out of the oven where she was basting the roasting Christmas goose. 

"Follow me," Beth said, "and you may want to grab your camera." 

Abbey set the baster down, wiped her hands on her apron and followed her mother into the living room. A smile immediately warmed her face. Aislinn was curled up on the couch with Panda; the skirt of her Clara costume flipped up to reveal the ruffled petticoat she loved so much. A purple feather boa was wrapped around her neck, a glittering tiara sat askew on her blond curls and a stain of chocolate marred her chin. In her arms she clutched an old fashioned teddy bear that wore a lacy pinafore embroidered with the name "Aislinn" to her chest. The teddy bear had been a gift from Gramma Beth, the feather boa and tiara a gift from Vivian who had given her an entire trunk of frilly dress up clothes and the chocolate most probably an indulgence from her father. 

"What are you looking at?" Jed asked, wheeling in from across the hall. 

"Ssh." Both Abbey and Beth turned with an index finger over their lips. Abbey stepped out of the way and Jed was able to see what had grabbed their attention. 

"God, could she get any cuter?" Tender, paternal pride shone on Jed's face as he looked down on his young daughter. "I was just coming out to tell you that Nick crashed in the library while watching your dad and I play chess." 

"He'll be fine in there but we're going to need to move Ash. It's going to get noisy when everyone comes back upstairs." 

Zoey, Ellie, Sam, Jane and Vivian had gone downstairs to the finished playroom/game room for a round of pool and they were expecting John and Sally and Elizabeth, Doug and the kids for supper. 

"I'll put her in our room down here," Jed said. 

"I can take her." 

"I said I'll do it." He spoke firmly enough that it stopped any more of Abbey's protests. 

"Okay," she acquiesced. Gently, Abbey slipped her hands beneath her sleeping daughter and lifted. Aislinn whimpered and Abbey stopped for a moment, rocking her back and forth in her arms until the little girl seemed back to sleep then handed her off Jed. Giving a little cry at the transfer, Aislinn blinked, saw that she was in her father's arms and let her head fall heavy against his chest. 

In the bedroom, Jed laid Aislinn out on the bed, slipped the tiara from her head and removed the boa from her neck for fear that it would strangle her in her sleep. Panda joined her mistress on the bed and Aislinn curled back into the dog's warmth, her teddy bear still clutched in her arms. Jed allowed himself a few minutes to simply relax and watch her sleep. 

Entering the room, he'd been thinking how much he hated it. How much he hated that he and Abbey had to sleep in this guest bedroom rather than their big comfortable master suite. That because of him, they slept here in this generic bed rather than the antique four poster that held the memories of all their years together. Now, looking at Aislinn, so precious and so innocent, he felt some of that resentment fade. In the one session that he'd had with Stanley since he'd become paralyzed, the psychiatrist had warned him not to sweat the little things. That there were going to be enough big things he might have to deal with he shouldn't let himself get worn down fighting against the little things that didn't add up to much in the greater scheme of things. He'd been trying very hard to take that advice but as the days began to drag on into weeks, Jed was finding that, while Stanley might be right, it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep that perspective. 

**** 

Another holiday feast covered both the Bartlets' dining room table and the elegant antique sideboard that took up one wall of the room. A large golden-brown roasted goose sat on a platter next to brightly colored earthenware crocks filled with oyster bread stuffing and mashed potatoes swimming in melted butter. Casserole dishes held sweet potatoes drenched in brown sugar and topped with marshmallows along with vegetable casseroles left over from the night before, while low country sweetgrass baskets Abbey had purchased in Charleston held an assortment of dinner rolls. A shining crystal tray offered tart cranberry sauce along with green and black olives. 

Sitting at one end of the table while Jed sat at the other, Abbey sipped her Chardonnay and surveyed, not the feast on the table, but the people that sat around it – all the people she loved most in the world. These days it didn't happen often that they were all together like this and she was determined to savor the moment. 

As First Lady she had met thousands of people over the years: some who held her in awe, some who disliked her, some who sucked up to her because of who she was or what she might do for them, some who were friends when the poll numbers were up then turned their backs when those numbers went down, and some who became real, genuine friends. But the people who truly mattered were these people seated right here at her table, the people who had been with her and Jed before he was President and would be there after he was President. The people who loved her and who loved Jed and who were there for them through the good times and the bad – no matter what. These were the people whose love and support they counted on and who would help get them through this new difficult time in their life. The people who would neither ask for nor want anything in return for their help – no political favors, no advancement, no brownie points, not even a thank you. Because in the end, it all came down to one thing and one thing only – they were family. 


	37. Altered Lives

"Daddy, Daddy, c'mon I wanna go back to the top of the hill." 

Freedom, complete and total freedom was how Jed felt on the back of the snowmobile as he motored over to where Abbey was helping the kids off their sleds and onto their feet. He grinned as they waddled toward him, plodding along in their snowsuits and heavy boots dragging their sleds behind them. 

"I wanna go to the top of the BIG hill," Nicholas said. 

Jed's gaze move from the gentle slope they'd been sledding down to where his son was pointing. Rising behind the gentle slope was a steep hill that crested at the top of the orchard. There was a wide swath between the apple trees and it was very safe – but not for preschoolers. The only way the twins were going to be allowed to gain that kind of speed was if they were with an adult. Jed looked at the kids with regret. Any other year he would have been at the top of that hill giving each child a taste of that excitement. But not this year. 

"I believe you've already been told no – by both me and Mommy." 

"But Daddy, I don't wanna do the baby slope no more," Nicholas sulked, kicking at the snow with his boot. "It's BORING." 

Pausing in throwing bigger chunks of wood on the blaze she'd already started at the base of the hill, Abbey rounded to face them. "Guys, I told you I'd take a run down from the top with you once the fire is set." 

"Don't worry about it, Mom. I'll take them down from the top." Zoey tossed her own log on the fire and headed toward the threesome. "But," she tapped Jed on the back on her way to get the big toboggan, "I want to be pulled up too." 

"I think I can manage that." Jed tied the extra long tug line to his snowmobile and looked over his shoulder waiting until Zoey had both kids seated on the toboggan with her before revving his engine. "You two better listen to your sister," he warned. "Zoey is a an old pro at sledding this hill." 

"We will, Daddy, we promise!" Excitement emanated from their shining eyes and beaming smiles. 

"Well then, hold tight. We're off." With a squeeze of his hand he hit the gas and began dragging them up the hill, laughing at their shrieks of glee. Jed wasn't sure what the kids enjoyed more, the trip up the hill behind the snowmobile or sledding back down. 

While adding a little starter fluid to the small bonfire she and Zoey had been building, Abbey watched Jed pull the whole crew up the hill, grateful to the machine for allowing him to be an integral part into today's activities. Jed was not a man who enjoyed or could even tolerate being on the sidelines. Today they'd found a way to keep that from happening. What was beginning to worry her was how they would continue to do that once there were back in Washington. In China Jed had proven that he would not be sidelined – and paid a price. Moderation was not a word in her husband's vast vocabulary and it worried her immensely to think about how high a price he might pay if she couldn't find a way for him to understand and use the word. 

"Mommy, Mommy, lookit us! We're gonna go!" 

The sun shone painfully bright against the gleaming white snow and Abbey had to shield her eyes with her hand to look up to the top of the hill where Zoey was placing the twins in the toboggan. The scene was at once achingly familiar, the continuity of it touching Abbey's heart. Easily her mind went back to a time when it was Elizabeth standing at the top of that hill helping a young Ellie and Zoey into the sled. Now her baby was the elder sister helping her younger siblings in the exact way she had been helped. Her mother had once told her that life was one big circle and as Abbey grew older she was able to see that more and more. 

Smiling, Abbey waved back at them giving an involuntary shiver of apprehension as the sled began its descent to the whoops and hollers and shrieks from her laughing children. Before long the sled came to a halt not far from where Abbey had been watching them and what she heard coming from the sled was no longer laughter but whining. 

"My face is filled with snow!" Aislinn cried. 

"You both got white-washed." Abbey laughed and proceeded to wipe the snow from the twins' faces with a fleece scarf. 

"I don't like white washes," Aislinn grumbled. 

"Well, they're par for the course when you're sledding. Have you guys had enough?" 

"No!" Nicholas jumped to his feet. "I don't care 'bout white washes. I wanna go agin!" 

"What about you?" Abbey took off her mittens and pressed her warm hands against Aislinn's cold round cheeks. The little girl nodded eagerly. 

"I wanna go agin too. Will you come with us this time?" 

"Sure, we can all go down." 

Zoey looked from the white hill to the big stainless steel thermos that was poking out of a backpack. "I think I'm going to have some cocoa and warm up by the fire. You guys go have fun." 

"Hey Daddy, ready for another trip to the top," Abbey asked, carefully searching his face for signs of fatigue and happy not to see any. 

"Your chariot awaits. But, I'm starting to get hungry." 

"Starting?" Abbey raised a brow. Jed had wanted lunch almost from the moment they'd arrived. 

Zoey laughed. "I'll start taking out the stuff for lunch while you guys head up the hill." 

A dramatic hand went to Jed's chest. "You're a daughter after me own heart." 

"What about me, Daddy?" Aislinn cocked her head. "Am I after your heart?" 

"You gonna roast me a nice brown hot dog?" 

Aislinn nodded so hard her pink and white fleece hat fell down over her eyes. 

"Well, then I guess you're after me heart as well. Now are you three ready to roll." 

"Ready to roll!" 

The snowmobile began another run up the hill, followed by the toboggan. Max and Panda dutifully pulling up the rear. 

At the top of the hill Jed took hold of the dogs' collars as he had been doing all day. As herding dogs both Max and Panda's instincts were to keep their family together, so they freaked out every time their charges set off down the hill. In the beginning they drove the kids crazy by trying to get in front of the sled to herd it and, in Panda's case, trying to yank them off by their snowsuits. 

"Mommy, my mitty came off." Aislinn lifted her arm to show the mitten dangling from the string of yarn that kept it from being completely lost. While Abbey worked on getting Aislinn's mitten back on, Nicholas saw his chance. An empty toboggan and clear sailing to the bottom of the hill was more temptation than he could resist. 

"Oh my God!" Abbey shrieked as she turned just in time to see her son start careening down the hill on his own. "Nicholas!" Her shout was useless, there was nothing the boy could do to stop himself. Knowing it was futile, she began running through the thick snow trying to chase him. Jed's idea was better. He let go of the lunging, barking dogs and they took off in full speed pursuit of the sled. Once the dogs were on their way, Jed gunned the snowmobile and started off down the hill, not sure how he was going to intercept the boy without hurting him but determined to do something. 

Flinching and closing her eyes, Abbey screamed as Max hit the sled and Panda yanked Nicholas off by his snowsuit. The toboggan continued on banging its way down the hill without its former occupant. Jed was quickly at Nicky's side; surprised to see that the small boy was not crying but grinning ear to ear. 

"That was FUN!" Nicholas exclaimed. 

Jed cupped his hands on each side of his mouth and looked back up the hill at his wife. "He's okay, Abbey!" He called out. 

Abbey's knees buckled as she released the breath she'd been holding and her heart rate went back to normal. She offered a quick prayer of thanks, but as she rose back to her feet her terror was quickly replaced by anger. 

"That's good because he won't be so okay once I get my hands on him." 

Jed swung the boy up in front of him on the snowmobile. "You're in big trouble now, buddy." 

He wasn't kidding. Abbey was waiting churning with motherly emotions. She wasn't sure if she wanted to kiss her son or spank his bottom. Of course she and Jed didn't spank, she fumed to herself, but if they did... 

"Nicholas Josiah Bartlet, what were thinking?" She pulled Nicholas off the snowmobile and knelt before him so they were eye to eye. "I turn my back for one second to help your sister and you take off down the hill alone." 

"I wanted to ride the sled all by myself." 

"And both Daddy and I told you that you couldn't ride the sled from the top of the hill all by yourself. It's dangerous; you could have been hurt. This is a hill for big kids and grown ups." 

Nicky's lip jut out. "I AM a big boy." 

"No, you are not. Not yet. Not big enough for this hill and you proved that by not being a big enough boy to listen to me and your father." 

"Mommy, I DIDN'T get hurt." 

"No, thank God, you didn't. But that doesn't make what you did right. We're going to go to the bottom of the hill and you're going to have a time out." 

"But I wanna go down the hill again." 

"You should have thought about that before you disobeyed me." 

At the bottom of the hill Nicholas was forced to watch while Aislinn continued to sled down the little slope without him. Only when Abbey indicated that Nicky's time had been served did Jed approach the sniffling boy. 

"Your timeout is over," he said, bending over to pull the child onto his lap. "You want to tell me why we put you in time out." 

"'Cause I didn't listen and went down the hill by myself." 

"That's right. Your mother and I don't make rules to be mean or so you can't have fun. We make rules to protect you. When you break the rules you've got to pay the consequences." 

"Did I pay my consences?" 

"Yes, you did. Now I want you to tell me you're sorry and give me a hug and then I want you to go and tell your mother you're sorry and give her a hug." 

"I'm sorry, Daddy. Can I go sledding now?" 

"No, I think you should help your mother get things ready for lunch then maybe after lunch you can take a couple more runs on the small slope, but no more runs on the big hill today." 

Head hanging rather dejectedly, Nicholas approached Abbey. He hung back watching his mother pull plastic bags filled with hot dogs out of the cooler. 

"I'm sorry, Mommy. I paid my consences." 

Abbey turned, her heart melting. "Yes, you did." She held her arms open and with a tremulous smile Nicholas fell into them. "I only yelled at you because you scared me near to death going down that hill alone and I need to know that you can be a big boy and listen to me so I can trust you. I love you very, very much and I don't want to see you get hurt. Okay?" 

"Okay." 

"You getting hungry?" 

He nodded. 

"Good, we've got hot dogs to roast and marshmallows to toast for s'mores. How does that sound?" 

"Yummy!" 

**** 

"Okay, what do you two want for lunch?" It was lunchtime on the day before New Year's and Jed and Abbey were alone with the kids. Ellie and Sam had left days ago and Zoey was off at Loon Mountain skiing with some of her New Hampshire friends. 

"Peanut butter and jelly!" Nicholas said. 

"Macawoni and cheese!" Was Aislinn's choice. 

"Well, I'm not making both. How about a little compromise here. We'll let Nicky pick out the sandwiches and you can pick out the soup, Ash. We have vegetable, chicken noodle, clam chowder or tomato." 

"Chicken noodle, chicken noodle," Aislinn danced in circles around the kitchen floor. 

Abbey glanced at Jed who was seated at the table doing a crossword puzzle. "Jed, what would you like for lunch?" 

"I'll just have what the kids are having." 

Abbey hid her smile, Jed could do gourmet with the best of them but he was just as happy eating "kid" food. He could scoff down chicken nuggets, fish sticks, and grilled cheese sandwiches with the best of them. 

"Okay, I need to know what kind of jelly you want." Abbey opened the cupboard door perusing the choices. "We have grape, blueberry, strawberry or apple." 

"Stwaberry," Aislinn pronounced. 

"I want the purple," Nicholas said. 

"Apple for me, of course." Jed might love blueberry pancakes and muffins but when it came to apple jelly straight from the trees on his farm, there was no other choice in his mind. 

"Of course," Abbey nodded, pulling out the various jars – there was rarely a consensus in her home. "And I'll have the blueberry." 

While standing at the counter slathering thick peanut butter on slices of whole wheat bread, Abbey stared out the big window over the sink. It was snowing again, big fat flakes, the tree branches heavy with the white fluff. She loved to watch it snow, especially when she was warm and toasty inside with her family, the fires blazing and the smell of chicken soup simmering on the stove. They had no place to go, no New Year's Eve balls or entertaining tonight. She still had Jed on R&R until he saw his doctors again back in D.C. 

Later, after the children and Jed woke from their naps, the snowy afternoon was spent together. They played card games and board games and worked at puzzles and by the time the Secret Service agent entered the family room to ask when they wanted their supper, the four of them were on the floor playing a rollicking game of Knights and Dragons with the castle set Nicholas had gotten for Christmas. War-horses were racing, plastic swords flying, shouts of challenge ringing forth and over it all the ringing of laugher –lots and lots of laughter. Times like these with their busy parents were precious and Nicholas and Aislinn ate up every last minute of it – as did their parents. 

**** 

"I can't even remember the last time we've had take out Chinese." 

Jed and Abbey were sitting in front of the fireplace, cartons of Chinese food spread before them on the coffee table. The children had munched on their golden chicken fingers and sweet sauce, eaten some rice and were now ensconced in the family room watching the _Shrek 2_ DVD they'd gotten for Christmas. 

"I can't either." Abbey dipped her chopsticks into the lo mein noodles. "This is just as good as I remembered." 

"We better keep that between you and me. Wouldn't want word getting back to the White House chefs." 

Abbey smiled and fed Jed a little moo shu from her chopsticks. When requested the White House chefs made excellent oriental cuisine for them, but somehow it just wasn't New Wa Toy, the small Chinese place on the west side of Manchester where they got their take out and where the agents had gone for them tonight. 

"Feels kind of normal again, huh?" To Abbey times of normality were treasured. 

"It always feels normal back here at the farm." 

Chewing thoughtfully Abbey's eyes narrowed. "That's why you like coming back here, isn't it? It isn't that you dislike Camp David. You just like coming back here more." 

Jed shrugged nonchalantly but Abbey read that she'd hit home in the emotions that played out in his eyes. 

"This is one place that I'm really still me – that I can hold on to who I was before I became President." 

Setting her chopsticks down, Abbey reached out to cup her palm over Jed's cheek. "You haven't lost yourself, Jed, and you never will. You don't ever have to be afraid of that." 

Smiling he turned her hand over and kissed the palm. 

"Besides," it was her turn to be nonchalant as she pulled her hand away, picked up a crab rangoon and waved it at him, "you should know by now that I'd kick you in the ass if I ever thought you were letting the presidency consume the man." 

He laughed. "You would too. You're a tough broad, Dr. B." Grabbing the rangoon she'd been waving at him, he took a quick bite. 

"Hey," she protested. "That was the last one and they're my favorites." 

Caving in as he always did when it came to his wife and children, Jed fed her the other half of the rangoon, kissing off the tiny spec of sour cream and crab from her lip before she could lick it off herself. 

"I kind of like not having all the hoopla of New Year's Eve," she said. "I like it being just you and me." 

"Do you think that means we're getting old?" 

"Not on your life, buster. It means I don't get to spend enough time alone with you anymore. And it also means that I've always preferred spending a romantic night alone with you rather than going to some big party." 

"And we're going to have a romantic night?" 

"Later, after we give the kids their baths and get them into bed I thought we'd pop some popcorn and watch _Dr. Zhivago_. What better way to spend a snowy winter night." 

"I guess I can't think of one." Well, in all honesty he could, but given the state of his paralysis that wasn't going to happen tonight. For the past couple of days he'd felt tingles and sharp bursts of feeling throughout his lower body. He and Abbey had thrilled with the first activity felt in the lower half of his body, both clutching onto to the hope that he was coming out of the relapse. But he was pretty sure he wasn't capable yet of an erection and he hoped that his wife was not in for a big disappointment. 

**** 

The twins were tucked into bed; the logs on the fire snapped and popped and Abbey lay curled on the couch under Jed's arm, a soft old quilt covering them. As soon as the Russian balalaika music began the familiar strains of "Lara's Theme", Abbey was transported to another time, another place – and it wasn't Russia. It was her first real date with Jed and all the excitement and nerves of that night. Now her hand lay easily within his, but that night it had been a thrill to feel him take hers. Now she felt safe and easy and warm against him, but that night she had been tense filled with the first rush of chemistry and sexual attraction, wondering if he would put his arm around her, if he would kiss her good night. It was amazing to her that she could still feel all those roiling emotions as if it were only yesterday. Still remember what it was like when everything was new and heated and edgy. Yet, she wouldn't go back to that time for a million dollars. She much preferred the way things were now between them, their love deeper and stronger than anything the girl she had been could have imagined. 

Sighing with contentment, she munched on some popcorn and finally found herself engrossed in the turmoil of turn of the century Russia as it moved from Czarism to Bolshevism and to a love that was as doomed as hers was blessed. 

When the movie was over, the balalaika music playing again Abbey clicked the TV off and huffed. 

"What?" Jed asked, tugging on a long curl. 

"I know we're supposed to feel for Yuri and Lara, but I'll tell you, if I were Tonya I certainly would not have been so freaking understanding about my husband and his mistress. I still get the urge to shake that woman." 

Jed chuckled. This wasn't the first time they'd had this discussion. Melanie from _Gone with the Wind_ had also, in Abbey's opinion, deserved a good shake. 

"That's because there isn't a placid bone in your body. Tonya had no fire, no passion, and you, my dear wife, are ruled by passion." His arm lay over her shoulder, his hand resting next to her breast and as he spoke he began gently caressing the side of her breast through the silk of her pajamas. 

"Really?" She rolled over so that she was now lying on top of him. "You think I'm ruled by passion?" 

"Oh yeah." Reaching up he tucked a long strand of bright copper hair behind her ear so he could better see her lovely face. Softly, he began running his thumb over her full bottom lip. "Passion for your work, passion for life, passion to help others, passion for our children, passion for me – for us." 

"Definitely passion for you." She slipped her hands up under his T-shirt to run her fingers over his abdomen and chest, just as her lips descended down to cover his. It had been so long since they'd kissed like this, but when her tongue slid into Jed's mouth, he felt he had to put a halt on things. 

"Abbey." He couldn't look at her and his words came out with great reluctance. "I still can't feel anything." 

"That isn't true, Jed." Deftly she lifted his T-shirt pulling it over his head. She nuzzled through the light hair on his chest placing a kiss on his pectoral muscle. "Do you feel that?" 

"Yes." It was said almost warily. 

She pressed more kisses across his chest then suckled in his flat male nipple giving it a sharp nip with her teeth that made him gasp. 

"I take it you felt that?" A wicked grin curved her lips. 

"Oh yeah." 

Lips trailing, nibbling little kisses across his abdomen, she felt his entire body tighten when she slid her tongue into his naval. 

"Abbey–" 

She crawled back up his body, rested her chin against his while her fingers continued to caress him. "See," she purred. "Don't tell me you can't feel anything." 

"But–" 

"Ssh..." She kissed his protest away. Unobtrusively, she'd rested her thigh against his lap to see if there'd been any reaction at all to her ministrations. "I know, and it's okay. It's going to take some time before you're 100% again. I'm just enjoying feeling close to you." 

There were times now that Jed was President that Abbey needed physical closeness and intimacy – even if it was just being held in his arms – to reassure and remind her of whom they really were. And, there were other times like today, having spent the entire day playing with their children, that she felt so close to him, so connected, that she needed to physically express those feelings. This was one of those times and this time when Abbey kissed him, Jed took it a step further his hands moving up under her pajama top, fingers teasing her ribs until she shivered, nearly begging him for more. She needed him to touch her and when he finally cupped her full breasts in his hands, his thumbs sliding across her nipples, she gave a low moan of pleasure. More confident now in where he wanted to take this, Jed removed his hands and unbuttoned the silky pajama top, separating it, heating as he exposed the two creamy globes and rose tipped nipples taut with arousal. Drowning in the need to taste her, he bent forward kissing the tip of each nipple then sat up, keeping Abbey on his lap. With her chest almost level with his mouth Jed lifted one tantalizing plump breast so he could take the puckered pink tip into his mouth. He teased the hard peak until Abbey's breath came in soft pants, suckling, licking, nipping, then suckling her all over again until she thought her head would fly off. When he finally released her, he took great pleasure in just how much he'd changed her – her nipple swollen and distended, wet and glistening, no longer sweet and pink with innocence but dark and red with arousal. Turning his attention to her other nipple, he slid his hand into her pajama bottoms feeling the soft curls that lay underneath the thin scrap of lace as he teased her with his fingertips. He was itching to caress those curls but determined to prolong his wife's pleasure. 

"Jed," she gritted her teeth against the torture it was to stop him, but still she gripped his forearm, stilling his hand. "You don't need to take it this far, I just wanted to kiss you and touch you. I can wait until things are mutual again." 

"I don't want you to have to wait until things are mutual again. I want to kiss you and touch you too. I want to touch you here." Abbey bit back a whimper as he wiggled his finger against her damp panties. "Don't you know how much pleasure it gives me to touch you like this, to taste you like this." His wide flat tongue ran over her incredibly sensitized nipple and she was a goner. Moving restlessly against his hand, her fingers threading through his hair, she held his mouth to her breast and allowed her body to fall under his magic touch. 

"Please – Jed." She gave a long drawn out sigh, needing more, needing what only he could give. Jed complied this time. Teasing the edge of the low riding lacy panties that barely covered her mons, he slid his hand inside, delighting in the soft nest of springy curls and her slick swollen center. He'd done this to her, created this aching need. 

"Jed!" This time she cried out as his finger rounded over her clitoris creating a rhythm that had her heart racing, her belly clenching. She pulled his lips from her nipple and lifted his head, emerald eyes glittering with fire and need as they locked with his. "Kiss me while you love me," she pleaded. 

He did. He kissed her with all the desire that he felt for her and was unable to unleash, his tongue sliding into her mouth at the same time his finger slid into her core. She moaned against his mouth when he added a second finger, his thumb continuing to circle against the sweet nubbin of pleasure that had her rocking against him working toward a release that was building inside her with every touch. Rising and rising with nothing mattering to her but Jed's mouth mating with hers, his fingers plunging within her sheath, his thumb flicking back and forth against a bundle of nerves that made her want to scream, Abbey's breath caught in the back of her throat, releasing in a long throaty groan when she plunged over the edge in climax, her whole body seeming to contract against Jed's fingers. With another soft cry she collapsed against him, her head tucked under his chin as she fought to catch her breath. Jed kept his fingers inside her panties enjoying the feel of her still quivering and contracting against his fingers. 

"Happy New Year, babe." Murmuring softly against the top of her head, Jed's free hand stroked through Abbey's long silky hair. She lifted her head from its resting place, eyes now a soft slumberous jade, her desire satiated. She smiled tenderly. 

"Happy New Year." She kissed the dip in his chin that she loved so much, rubbed her cheek against the stubble of his strong jaw and snuggled back in against him. Both were soon lost in their own thoughts about a New Year that they normally viewed with endless optimism but that this time around was looked upon with fear, uncertainty, and frustration. This year there was only one thing they could be sure of, one thing they could count on, and that was a profound belief they each had that no matter what the year brought them, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, they would get through it together. 


	38. Altered Lives

"What, no bikini?" Jed sulked from where he sat on the stairs in the shallow end of the pool. "I agreed to these early morning lap swims because I thought I'd get a little eye candy." 

"You agreed to these early morning lap swims because it is part of your rehab and you want to regain your strength." Abbey tossed her robe across the chair and turned around to face him. 

Forgetten was his complaint about lack of eye candy. The navy one piece Speedo bathing suit that she was wearing with lime green stripes down the sides molded to his wife's full breasts and tiny waist, the high cut on her thighs doing amazing things for shapely, well toned legs a twenty-five year old dancer would kill for. 

Smiling at the admiration Abbey saw in his eyes, she dove into the pool coming up beside him with a spit of water against his chest. 

"How do you expect me to keep my focus on exercise with a hot babe such as yourself working out with me?" he asked. 

"Well, I guess I could leave you to do it on your own." 

"Not on your life." He grabbed her arm before she could walk away from him. He liked being in the pool. The buoyancy of the water gave him a freedom of movement he didn't have anywhere else. 

"Well then, are you ready to do some laps?" 

"Ready as I'll ever be." 

Swimming was one of the few solitary exercises that Jed enjoyed. The treadmill and cardio machines Abbey worked out on bored him to tears. He was more of a team player – basketball, touch football – now THAT was fun exercise. But swimming was harder now. Where before he'd been able to cut through the water with both arms and legs now his upper body was forced to drag along the weakened lower. He felt the pull in his chest and shoulders and biceps, and, while he wouldn't admit it to Abbey – God forbid she ever find out he was actually enjoying exercise – amazingly enough he was. He'd never been all that conscious of how his body worked, but now he had to be and in many ways it was eye opening. Using the muscles of his chest, arms back and abdomen gave Jed a feeling of strength that he didn't have when he was in his wheelchair and made him realize just how much he'd taken his body for granted before the relapse. 

But, his favorite part of swim rehab was after the laps, after the water exercises, when it was "cool down" time and he lay on his back floating with his head pillowed on Abbey's soft breasts, one of her arms helping to hold him buoyant, the other brushing his wet hair back off his face and trailing over his chest in stroking caresses. He looked upon those soothing moments as a reward for the rigors he was putting his body through. 

"You know," he said, as he continued to float in Abbey's arms. "You never realize how much you use your legs until you don't have them anymore." 

"I know, baby," she bent to kiss his forehead, blinking back the sting of tears. "But you'll have yours again." 

"I believe that, Abbey," he squeezed her hand firmly. "I have to believe that." 

Jed wasn't stupid. He knew the exercise and rehab regimen his doctors had worked out for him concentrated mainly on strengthening his upper body to deal with the weakness in his lower body, but he was determined to strengthen that lower body as well. He WOULD walk again. He believed it, Abbey believed it, and his physical therapist believed it. Together, the three of them would get him on his feet again. 

"Sir?" 

Jed glanced up to see Curtis standing at the edge of the pool glancing at his watch. 

"Yeah, time to get out." He swam to the stairs that led out of the pool, enjoying his last moments of freedom, dreading what came next. It took Curtis and one of the agents to lift him up out of the pool and into the wheelchair. Moments like these were what he hated most about being semi paralyzed – that feeling of helplessness and weakness. He hated that Abbey had to see him that way. Well, he hated that anyone had to see him that way, but particularly Abbey. He was supposed to be her strong and virile husband – the man who could lift her into his arms and swing her about, the man who could offer her strength and protection. It killed him every time she had to see him reduced to being carried about like a child. 

"I'll take it from here, boys." Abbey belted her robe and pushed Jed's wheelchair toward the dressing rooms where she would help him shower and dress. 

**** 

The rest of the morning was spent at Bethesda Naval Hospital with Jed undergoing a physical and a battery of tests including an MRI to see where things stood in his relapse. Abbey had accompanied him, but while she was in the hall talking to his physical therapist, he took the opportunity to question Admiral Hackett about some questions he had – some insecurities that he wasn't comfortable with his wife hearing right now and that he was more comfortable discussing with Hackett than he was the specialist who was a stranger. 

Buttoning his dress shirt he asked almost casually, "Admiral, what do you think the odds really are that I'm going to be up on my feet again?" 

"I don't like to play with odds, Mr. President, but I'd say your prognosis is very good. The fact that this is your first serious relapse and that you rarely exhibit symptoms of your M.S. is a good sign. Also the fact that your upper body came back so quickly and that you are having sensation in your legs again all lead me to believe that you will be up walking again soon. You just have to be patient." 

"I'm learning to hate that word," Jed grumbled. Hackett smiled. 

"I'm sure you are. We'll have your test results by the end of the week. Until then are there any other questions that you have?" 

Jed was silent for a long moment. He squirmed uncomfortably in his chair, then looked up at Hackett with something akin to defiance hiding his uncertainty. 

"Sex," he said. 

"What about it?" 

"Am I going to be able to have sex again?" 

"Of course you will be able to have sex again. But I think what you're asking me if you'll be able to have an erection again, achieve ejaculation again?" 

"Yeah, all that." 

"Have you attempted sexual intercourse since the relapse started." 

"In a roundabout way, yes. Abbey and I – we were intimate. I felt desire. I felt a lot of desire, but I didn't get an erection." 

"Did you have any sensation at all in your groin?" 

Jed shook his head negatively. "I wasn't feeling anything below my waist then." 

"Have you attempted anything since you started getting some feeling back?" 

Jed shook his head again. 

"I think there is every reason to believe that once you regain sensation in your lower extremities you will be able to continue with a normal sex life. Both you and your wife might have to be patient for a little bit, but there's no reason to think that this relapse will render you impotent. The best thing you can do is simply continue to try, experiment, see how it goes." 

Jed looked down at the floor with a defeated shrug to his shoulder that was not missed. 

"Is there a problem?" 

"It's just... I hate to let her down." 

Hackett's eyes narrowed. He'd known the first couple for five, going on six years now and had a hard time picturing the gracious and loving Abigail Bartlet saying something that cruel and callous. But then again, one never knew what went on in someone else's marriage. "Is that what she tells you?" he asked. 

"Abbey?" Jed snorted with disbelief. "Abbey'd never say that in a million years. She's been nothing but generous and supportive and understanding." 

Hackett nodded, that was the Abigail Bartlet he'd come to know. "I hear a 'but' in there." 

"But it's me. I feel like I'm letting her down." 

"Well, how you feel about things is very important. An erection has as much to do with the brain as it does with stimulation. If you're afraid of defeat that may inhibit your ability to become erect. Your best bet would be to go ahead and experiment yourself." 

Jed wanted to groan aloud. He couldn't believe he was discussing masturbating with Admiral Hackett. 

"And in the meantime, there are plenty of other creative ways to have sex with your wife." 

Jed turned a deep shade of red. "Yes, I'm well aware of that – don't need any help in that department." 

Hackett gave a soft chuckle and nodded in acknowledgment. He was Jed Bartlet's personal physician and knew very well the President and First Lady shared a healthy sex life. "Good then, we'll leave it at that for now. Give it a bit more time. If you regain full sensation and after a few weeks are still having trouble achieving or maintaining an erection or reaching orgasm, we have several roads we can go down." He handed Jed a piece of paper. Quickly scanning it, Jed saw it was a list of drugs and sexual enhancements, names like Viagra and Levitra, but when he got to the parts about penile rings and pumps he quickly folded the paper and shoved it into his pants pocket. 

"Thanks, Admiral. I think I'm all set now." 

He was still blushing when he wheeled out of the examination room. Abbey approached him with a frown and touched his forehead. 

"Are you okay?" she asked. "You feel warm, but your temp wasn't up when the nurse took it." 

"I'm fine," he mumbled. "Let's go home." 

**** 

"Jed, what Admiral Hackett say to you while I was in the hall with Ken?" 

It was late in the evening and Abbey had just finished Jed's range of motion exercises and was about to begin massaging his legs as she did each night. Now that the sensation was starting to come back, his legs ached and a good massage helped him to get a restful night's sleep. Spreading sports cream over his thighs, she began working at the muscles with nimble fingers waiting for him to answer her. 

"Why do you think he said something to me?" 

"I'm not an idiot. He went in there while you were dressing and was with you for quite a while. When you came out of the exam room I could tell you were upset. You didn't say two words at supper tonight, your mind was a million miles away." 

"It was just...you know, doctor/patient stuff." 

"Jed." Visibly upset, Abbey stopped massaging and sat on the bed, tears welling her eyes. "I'm your wife. If he gave you bad news, if there's something I need to know, you have to tell me." 

"Shit," Jed cursed and scooted himself up into a sitting position on the bed. "Have you been worrying about this all day?" 

She nodded miserably. "You spent all afternoon in the Oval. It left me a lot of time to stew, but dammit, Jed, you have to trust me. We have to do this together." 

"Abbey, honey, I swear to you. He did not give me any bad news. You'll know when I know what the tests have to say about the relapse. And even then, you heard the specialist. We probably still won't know for another month or so when they do the evoked potentials." 

"Then what was it? What couldn't you say in front of me?" 

"I asked him what the odds of me walking again are." 

"And?" 

"Turns out they're pretty good." 

"I could have told you that." 

He smiled tenderly. "Yes, but you're my wife. Even if it was damn near hopeless you'd be optimistic and cheering me on." 

"Did you think I'd be insulted that you wanted a second opinion? Hell, Jed, I know I'm no expert in M.S.." 

His smile turned wry. "Neither is Hackett, but you damn near are now." 

Silently, Abbey pondered that. He had no idea how many times she wished she'd gone into neurology instead of surgery – how many times she wished that she could use her expertise and knowledge to find a cure for him. 

"It wasn't about a second opinion, or the walking. I asked him about sex, okay? I needed to know if he thought I'd be able to have intercourse again." 

"And?" 

"He said there's no reason to think I won't, but I have to give it time and WE have to be patient. But, hell, it's been almost four weeks. How LONG do I have to wait?" 

She could only stare for a moment in disbelief. "Jed, for the love of GOD, will you give yourself a break. I know it's hard for you to deal with this but you barely have any sensation back below your waist and you aren't even on your feet again yet and you're expecting to be able to have a hard on and partake in sexual marathons?" 

"I'm impatient, especially when it comes to THAT. I hate not having control over things." 

Abbey shook her head with a snort. "Men." 

"What do you mean 'men'?" 

"I mean you men have it easy. Once you get past puberty you don't have to worry about your body or how it functions. It's not like it is for women. We are forced to be in tune with our bodies our whole lives. And, just like a man you want to force the issue rather than just letting nature take its course." 

"Huh?" He was puzzled how this conversation had moved into a discussion of the difference between men and women. 

"You men blithely go along ignoring your bodies only paying attention to them when something goes wrong. We women HAVE to be in tune with our bodies all the time. Every month our bodies change. Our nipples get sore and our heads ache and our bellies cramp and we know that our period is imminent. We plan romantic interludes around it and weddings and even sometimes vacations. Then say we decide we want to have a baby. Provided it's not an accident," her wry grin reminded him of their own two accidents. "we have to pay attention to where we are in our cycles, when our temperature is up, when we're ovulating, what the best position to be in is to conceive. Do you remember when I was trying to get pregnant with Zoey? The way I laid there with my hips raised on a pillow for half an hour giving your little swimmers some gravitational help?" 

He nodded but didn't speak. Abbey was on a roll. 

"Then comes the pregnancy, talk about losing control of your body. You're throwing up every morning and wanting to sleep every afternoon away. You're waiting with bated breath for each of those first little fluttering movements. You get irritated when you can't sleep because the baby is pummeling your insides like a prizefighter, and yet you worry when the baby isn't moving that something might be wrong with it. You rub cocoa butter into skin you can't believe could stretch another inch in a desperate attempt to ward off stretch marks. You wait as your delivery time approaches wondering if every little twinge is an onset of labor, watching for the bloody show, and listening to your body like it's a ticking time bomb ready to explode at any minute. Then the baby is born and you decide to nurse. Well, that's a whole new ballgame. Suddenly your breasts are not just for show or sexual pleasure, they are the means of nourishment for your child and you have to make damn sure you take good care of them – keep your nipples from chafing, pump regularly so the baby has a good supply of milk and try not to be humiliated when you look down at your designer silk blouse as you're giving a lecture to a bunch of medical students and see a big wet milk spot where you've leaked through your nursing pads." 

Jed winced. He remembered when that had happened to her at Harvard. 

"Then don't even get me started on taking care of your episiotomy and trying to decide when you've healed enough from the tearing of birth to take your man inside you again. And it isn't even just pregnancy and birth. There are the self breast exams you do every month checking for lumps and abnormalities and then the joy of middle age where you get to start wondering if that flash of heat you just felt was really from the sun or if you are going into peri-menopause. Baby, I've been listening to my body all my life; dealing with all that nature throws my way. I'm not trying to minimize what you're going through here, but I am saying that you need to sit back, be patient and go with the flow right now." She grabbed the glass of water off the nightstand and took a long slip. Jed continued to give her a funny look. "What?" she asked. 

"I'm just sitting here thinking how glad I am that all I have to worry about is my penis." 

Abbey laughed and crawled up into bed next to him. But she knew it wasn't that simple. She wished that it was. She could deal with erectile dysfunction. Right now the hard part was the not knowing. Not knowing if Jed was on his way to remission or if he was on the downward slope to the more aggressive secondary progressive M.S. that might make sexual function the least of his worries. 

**** 

Before the twins were born Jed and Abbey had usually simply had a tray brought up with their breakfast, dining right in the bedroom before leaving on their respective busy days. With the birth of the twins, things had changed in that regard. Breakfast on days when the children didn't have pre-school was eaten in the sunny solarium – sometimes with Jed, sometimes without, depending on his day – but days when they had school, breakfast was a rushed, sometimes chaotic affair in the Residence kitchen. 

Such was the case the morning after Jed's doctor's appointment. Abbey was arguing with Aislinn to finish her oatmeal while cleaning the milk that Nicholas had spilled all over the table and that the dog was now licking off the kitchen floor while Jed ate, secretly enjoying the chaos and the noise. His own meals growing up had been silent affairs with everyone having to mind their manners and speak when spoken to and he enjoyed his rambunctious, free spirited family. Being drawn into the children's daily drama also served to take his mind off his own problems and to bring him back to the core of what really mattered most to him. His children were actually the only people who didn't look at him with pity and discomfort or in Abbey's case, sadness she tried so desperately to hide behind a cheerful, optimistic smile. To the children he was the same old dad who tied their shoes and teased them and who read them stories and tickled them. So what if right now he couldn't give them a piggyback or shoulder ride; instead he wheeled them at fast speeds down the White House halls – much to their mother's chagrin. They adapted. They adapted more easily than the adults that surrounded Jed, and that included his staff. But then again, they were too young to understand the ramifications of an M.S. relapse. With a sigh, he pushed away from the table. 

"I'm going to grab Curtis and go get dressed for work," he said. 

Distracted by her now squabbling children Abbey merely nodded that she'd heard him. When she finally had breakfast finished, Abbey took the kids to the nursery to dress them for school. Nicholas was easy. He threw on whatever Abbey handed him. Aislinn was pickier. She wanted CHOICES. While Aislinn chose her outfit for the day – a pair of purple jeans and a bright yellow sweatshirt covered in butterflies – Abbey sent her antsy son off to say good-bye to his dad before Jed left for the office. Nicholas quickly returned from her and Jed's bedroom. 

"Mommy, Mommy, come see Daddy!" 

Abbey's heart sank as she leapt to her feet, a kaleidoscope of images of Jed prostrate on the floor or unable to move at all flashing through her head. The boy had left the bedroom door open so Abbey's entrance didn't startle Jed. His appearance, however, did startle her. 

"Oh my God," her words were barely a whisper, but Jed heard them and turned to her with an almost sheepish smile. He was standing on his own. 

"Well, look at you," she beamed. 

"Yep, look at me," his smile widened. "I can feel my legs, put weight on them." He attempted to take a step toward her but the world tilted on a dangerous axis. 

"Jed!" Seeing him about to pitch forward on his face, Abbey raced forward and caught him, helping him to sit on the edge of the bed. "What happened?" 

"I don't know. Suddenly I just got very dizzy. Dammit!" He slammed his fist into the bed with frustration. 

"Jed, this is to be expected. Admiral Hackett told you it might take you a little while to gain back your equilibrium once you got feeling back in your lower extremities." 

"For once couldn't he just be WRONG?" 

Smiling sympathetically, Abbey brushed her fingertips over his brow. "You don't want him to be wrong, Jed. He's the one that said you were going to walk again and you will." 

"I just have to give it time," he grumbled. 

"You said it this time, not me. This is a good day, babe. A step forward. Don't let the dizziness take away from that." 

He sighed. "I know, I know. I'm gonna work on this patience thing." 

"Who knows, maybe you CAN teach an old dog new tricks." 

"This old dog might be teaching YOU some new tricks pretty soon, toots." 

"Ah, now that's the Jed Bartlet we all know and love." 

"Mommy? Izzy said we're going to be late." 

Abbey turned to see the kids in the doorway. "I have to go get their backpacks and I have a morning full of meetings. Are you all set?" 

"Yeah. I'm going to head down to the office. I have some rehab in the afternoon." 

"Good, we'll go for a swim then." Bending down to kiss him she murmured against his forehead. "This is so good, babe." Her eyes were shining as she wiped her lipstick off his forehead with her thumb. "Hold onto it, use it in rehab. I love you." 

"Love you too." 

He watched her leave the room, looked down at his lower extremities and began bending and flexing his knee watching with satisfaction as his leg responded to the request. Abbey was right. This was a good day. So he was dizzy when he tried to walk, at least he had feeling and strength again. It was only a matter of time, God willing, until he had it all working again the way it had before the relapse. 

**** 

"Ma'am." 

"Yes, Leann." Abbey clicked on her intercom. Unlike Jed, she knew how to use it. 

"I have the twins' pre-school on the line." 

Abbey's stomach gave a quick clench. Calls from the school were never good. Neither of the children had appeared sick this morning. Injury? It couldn't be security, the Service would have alerted them. 

"Ma'am." 

"Oh, yes, sorry, Leann. I'm taking it now, thanks." She lifted the receiver, nearly holding her breath. "Hello, Abigail Bartlet." 

"Hello, Mrs. Bartlet." It was Sophie, the children's teacher. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but we've had an incident here with Aislinn and I was wondering if it was something that you could come down to discuss with me." 

**** 

Twenty minutes later Abbey's heels were clicking along the hallway of Immaculate Heart of Mary pre-school on her way to the office. She was surprised when she entered to see not only Aislinn but Nicholas as well. Both looked rather dejected and she could see the remnants of tears. 

"What's going on here this morning?" she asked. 

"Mommy!" Aislinn flew off her chair wrapping her arms around Abbey's legs, the tears starting to flow. Abbey's hand fell to stroke her little girl's hair then she got down on her knees to be at the child's level. 

"You want to tell me what this is all about?" 

"That mean Sean Casey said that his daddy said that MY daddy was never gonna walk again. He said my daddy is going to be a cri...cri..." 

Abbey looked to the pre-school teacher with a puzzled frown. 

"Cripple," Sophie clarified. 

"And what did you say?" 

"I said he was a stupid dodo head and that my daddy IS going to walk again. His legs is just tired. He was standing up today." 

"Yes," Abbey smiled wiping her daughter's tears with her thumb, "he was. But, you know it isn't nice to call people names. If Sean was bothering you, you should have gone to Miss Sophie." 

"But he IS stupid, Mommy," Aislinn glared. "He said his daddy said my daddy can't walk cause God is punishin' him for being a baby killer!" The tears came again with that pronouncement. And with fury running through her veins, Abbey lifted the sobbing girl into her arms and sat with her on her lap, soothing her with pats to the back and kisses brushed into her hair. She had been through this before with her older daughters once Jed was in the public eye. Children parroted what their parents said and those in position of power like Jed were often targets. Unfortunately the excess shrapnel sometimes hurt innocent children. 

"You know that isn't true, sweetheart." 

"My daddy would NEVER kill a baby!" 

The wet, red, and blotchy face Aislinn turned up to Abbey damn near broke her heart. "You're right, he wouldn't. Not ever." How on earth was she supposed to explain abortion to a child that hadn't even celebrated her fourth birthday yet? She wanted to wring the neck of Sean Casey's father for talking about these kinds of things in front of HIS four-year-old. "And God doesn't punish people. God loves everyone." 

"So Sean is a stupid dodo head!" 

Abbey couldn't agree more and she wanted to add that Sean's father was a stupid dodo head too, but that wasn't the mature motherly response. "Sometimes when we think people are stupid they are really just misinformed." 

"What's that?" 

"It means Sean was listening to his parents and is repeating what he heard them say. They were wrong, Aislinn, very wrong and Sean was wrong to repeat it." She glanced up at Sophie. "I'm assuming this is going to be discussed with Sean and his parents." 

"Yes, ma'am. They are in the office next door with Sean's teacher. Sean will be writing out an apology to Aislinn. Aislinn was just so upset about things we thought it best you come down to talk with us about it before you bring her home." 

"I'm glad you called me and that this is being taken care of. I'd like to speak with Mr. and Mrs. Casey before they leave." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Abbey's attention moved to her son who was sitting quietly in his chair, banging his sneakered foot against the leg. "And why are you in here?" she asked. 

Nicholas looked up with surprise. "Aislinn was crying." The simple statement squeezed painfully on Abbey's heart. 

"Aislinn was understandably upset by the encounter. When Nicholas heard her crying he raced to her side like an avenging angel." Sophie smiled, the image of the little boy running across the playground and standing up for his sister, still fresh in her mind. 

"I told Sean if he ever makes my sister cry again I'm gonna dump my milk on his head!" Nicky's scowl was so fierce Abbey had to bite back her smile of amusement and pride. 

"I'm glad that you were sticking up for your sister, but I don't want you dumping milk on anyone's head. You go to Miss Sophie if you have a problem. Comprendez-vous?" 

Nicholas grinned at the French his mother was teaching them. "Compenday vous." 

"Actually, Aislinn refused to leave the playground to come inside without Nicholas." 

Abbey nodded. "They're very close." 

"Yes, it's been–" 

Through the glass window of the door Abbey saw a couple leaving the room on the other side of the office. "I'm sorry to interrupt but are those people the Caseys?" 

"Yes, they are," Sophie rose along with Abbey. 

"It's okay. You stay with Aislinn and Nicky. I'll be just a minute." 

Striding out of the door, Abbey was an avenging angel herself. 

"Mr. Casey." 

The man turned and saw the First Lady of the United States bearing down on him with fire in her eyes. 

"Yes?" 

"I'm Abigail Bartlet." 

"I know who you are." The clipped words belied the uncertainty in Brian Casey's eyes. Like most bullies, he didn't deal well with confrontation. It was one thing to spout off in front of his wife and children another to be face to face with an angry First Lady. 

"I think we should discuss what happened here today." 

"We've been discussing it. Your little girl will get her apology." The grudging tone led Abbey to believe that Brian Casey did not believe an apology was in order. 

"Yes, I'm aware that Sean will be forced to make an apology. Sean is four years old. What is your excuse?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"Do you honestly think it's appropriate to tell your pre-school aged child that the father of one of his classmates is never going to walk again because he is being punished by God for being a babykiller? You have no idea whatsoever what my husband's prognosis is, and as for being a babykiller? That is so completely wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to begin." 

"All due respect, ma'am, if you can't take the heat perhaps you never should have gotten involved in politics." 

Abbey's hands clenched into fists and knowing her children were watching, she fought desperately to keep her temper under control. 

"I can take the HEAT, Mr. Casey, and so can my husband. You don't like him, that's fine. You don't like some of his political stances, that's fine too. You take it up with him. He's a big boy and can certainly handle the likes of you. That's fair. What isn't fair is spewing forth your ignorance to your four year old son knowing full well the President's children are in his class and could be hurt by those words." She turned pointing to the doorway where Sophie stood with her children. Aislinn's fingers were in her mouth, curling blond tendrils of hair sticking to her face where her tears had dried. She looked like a little lost waif. "THAT is a child, Mr. Casey. MY child. And it most certainly is not fair for her to have to take your HEAT." 

Before the man could respond, Abbey spun on her heels and went back to her children lifting Aislinn up onto her hip and taking Nicky's hand to lead them from the building. 


	39. Altered Lives

The situation that morning at the pre-school had given Abbey a difficult dilemma – how and when to tell Jed about what had happened. She was torn between wanting to protect him from anything that might exacerbate his symptoms and the decision she'd made with herself to keep things as normal as possible in their family life. However, even if she wanted to keep it from Jed that just wasn't possible. Not with two children who loved to tell their daddy all about their days at school. And yet, she desperately did not want to have to tell him. That Jed would be furious with Brian and Sean Casey was an understatement, and in spite of the fact that it was not his fault in the least, he would feel guilty that Aislinn was hurt because of his position, because of his illness. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, or add to his stress. He had more than enough on his plate and she was supposed to be trying to make things easier on him, to help him heal. 

Sighing, tired from a long day, she chose to take the elevator up to the Residence rather than the stairs. So far she'd been lucky. They'd had a small dinner party for supper that broke up after the twins were already in bed, after which Jed had gone to the study to catch up on some paperwork and she'd held a small reception in the Blue Room. However, the reprieve could only last so long and she had every intention of telling Jed what had gone on – until she saw him. He was seated at his desk in the study, his chin propped on his hand, eyes heavy with fatigue. 

"You look completely done in," she remarked. 

"I feel completely done in. I hate the way that happens. One minute I feel completely fine and then all of the sudden I'm so exhausted I can barely lift my head." 

Abbey had experienced that kind of fatigue during the first trimesters of her pregnancies and knew how frustrating it could be. "The best combat for that is sleep. Why don't we head next door and hit the sack." 

That he didn't argue with her told Abbey just how tired that he was and while they both prepared for bed, she knew there was no way she was going to get into what had happened at the pre-school with him at this point. It's not like it was a national crisis. It could wait another day. Or so she thought. 

**** 

"Daddy!" 

"Hey kiddos, got any room at that table for dear old dad." Without waiting for an answer, Jed wheeled into the Residence kitchen where his children were sitting with Izzy having lunch. 

"You gonna eat with us?" 

Both kids were surprised and excited, as this wasn't a regular feature of their day. Their father usually only got to have lunch with them on weekends or vacations or when their mom brought them down to have lunch at the Mess with him as a special treat. One of the benefits of his extremely light schedule was that Jed was able to spend more time with his kids. 

"I was thinking about it. What are you having?" 

"Macaroni and cheese and green beans," Nicholas said. 

"There's plenty of both," Izzy added. 

"Sounds good to me, but hold the green beans." His nose wrinkled in disgust. He'd never been able to eat those damn things. 

"You're 'post to eat your vegetables," Aislinn informed him. 

"Thank you, Abigail." 

"I'm not Abigail," Aislinn giggled. "I'm Aislinn." 

"Yeah? Could have fooled me. You sounded just like your mother." Jed grinned and took a napkin to wipe away the milk mustache on his daughter's upper lip then began ladling some of the macaroni and cheese onto the plate Isabelle had gotten for him. "So, no school today, huh?" 

Aislinn grimaced. "No." 

"What's that face for? I thought you liked school." 

"I like school. I DON'T like Sean Casey." 

"Really. So, tell me about Sean Casey." 

Aislinn did, and by the time she got to the part about Mommy yelling at Sean Casey's father, Jed's appetite was gone. 

"Mommy was real mad at Sean's daddy," Nicholas told him. 

"I imagine she was." He'd seen Abbey's righteous anger before. She was a force to be reckoned with. 

Aislinn climbed down from her seat and lifted her arms to Jed to be picked up. He lifted her and set her on his lap. 

"Why did Sean's daddy say those mean things about you, Daddy?" 

"Well, first of all let's get something straight right here, kiddos. There is no reason to feel badly for me being a wheelchair, or to think it's a bad thing. There are a lot of people in this world who spend their whole lives in wheelchairs and they are no different than you and me. Aren't I the same daddy sitting in this chair that I am when I'm standing up?" 

Aislinn nodded and laid her head against Jed's chest. "You're the bestest daddy ever." 

Jed's throat constricted at the statement, his voice husky when he spoke. "Thank you, sunshine. That means the world to me. Now, as I was saying, there are people who spend their whole lives in wheelchairs, or on crutches, or that can't see or hear, and all that means is that they have different challenges than you will face in your own life. As far as Sean's father goes, it sounds to me like he's mad about some promises I made." 

"Did you break your promise?" 

"No, sweetheart, I kept it. Now, you both know that my job is to be the President of the United States." 

"It's a very 'portant job," Nicholas nodded solemnly. 

"Yes, it is. And, there are a lot of people who want to be President. But, to win the job, the people of the whole country have to choose you. So, when I said that I wanted to be President, I had to tell people what I planned to do to help them and to help the country, and I had to make promises to them – and so did everyone else that said they wanted to be President. Then the people got to choose whom they wanted. Most of them chose me, which is how I got the job. But, there are some people that didn't want me to win and who are upset that more people chose me than the guy they wanted." 

Both Nicholas and Aislinn's faces were scrunched quizzically and Jed changed tactics. 

"Let me put it this way. Say Miss Sophie decided that she was going to have a leader of the class and say you wanted to be the leader, Aislinn, and so did Sean. So, Miss Sophie asked your classmates to choose whom they wanted to be the leader, you or Sean." 

"They'd pick me 'cause Sean's mean." 

Jed grinned. "This kid's gotta be a Republican." 

"What's a 'publican?" Nicholas asked. 

"The guys I had to beat to get the job. Anyway, say most of the kids in class came to you and said that they love chocolate chip cookies and they ask you to promise to keep chocolate chip cookies as your morning snack so you promise that you will do that for them. Then Sean promises that he will change the morning snack to oatmeal raisin cookies for the kids that like those better than chocolate chip. So, all these kids who wanted chocolate chip cookies decide 'I'm going to vote for Aislinn because she promised we can still have chocolate chip cookies for snack'. And, since more kids felt that way, you win. There would still be some kids in the class who liked oatmeal raisin cookies better that would be mad that you won and that you kept your promise to keep having chocolate chip cookies for snack so they might say bad things about you." 

"But you're 'post to keep your promises." 

"Yes, you are. But, you know, sweets, there are always going to be people in the world who don't see things the same way that you do. And, that's fine. That makes things interesting. It would be really boring if everyone liked chocolate chip cookies, or if everyone saw things the same way that you do or liked the same things that you like. But, disagreeing with someone isn't the same as saying mean or untrue things about them just because you don't like them or don't like what they believe in – that's wrong. Unfortunately that is going to come up a lot for you and Nicholas because I'm in politics." 

"You're the President," Nicholas reminded him, as he fed a fat green bean to Max. 

"Yes, I am and that means I have to try to make decisions that I think are best for everyone in the country and not everyone is always going to agree with what I think is best. And, because they get to choose who gets my job they are going to let me know how they feel. That is exactly the way that it should be in a country where we allow the people to choose their leaders. If the kids in your class say 'Aislinn, I really wish you'd change your mind about the chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal raisin is the way to go', and then they tell you why oatmeal raisin is better for you than chocolate chip, well, that is the right way to complain. But if they say 'Aislinn, you're a bad kid because you like chocolate chip cookies and your mommy and daddy are stupid 'cause they don't make you oatmeal raisin cookies and your dog is ugly too!' That is wrong." 

"My doggie isn't UGLY." Aislinn protested. 

"Hey, what about your mom and dad being stupid?" Jed tickled her. 

Laughing, she squirmed on his lap. "You're not stupid." 

"No, we're not. But, when people say stuff like that they are showing their own ignorance. So, if anyone gives you a hard time again, or says things that you know are untrue, you just remember that YOU know the truth. You know me and you know your mom better than anyone else does. So you don't dump milk on their heads." Although there were plenty of times he'd felt like doing something just like that to certain political foes. "You just tell them they are showing their ignorance and leave it at that." 

"What's ignance?" 

"Being ignorant means that a person hasn't learned something properly. Like Sean's father teaching him something that was a lie. I also want you both to know that if you are upset or don't understand something that somebody says about me or your mother, you can come to us and we'll be here for you and we'll help you to understand. Got it?" 

"Compenday vous," Nicholas grinned. 

After lunch, while Izzy put the children down for their afternoon nap, Jed was left to ruminate over what had just happened. Had his plans not included Abbey joining him for a swim, he would have wheeled himself down to the East Wing and had it out with her then and there. He was furious. Furious with both Casey males, furious with Abbey for keeping what had happened from him and furious with this damn disease that made his wife feel like she had to coddle and protect him. 

**** 

"So, when you were planning to tell me? Or were you planning to tell me?" 

"Huh?" Sliding into the water next to him, Abbey was puzzled for a moment, then with a sinking feeling she knew what he was referring to. 

"The kids told you about what happened yesterday." 

"Yes, they did. YOU should have told me." 

"I planned to tell you, but then you were so tired and–" 

"Dammit, Abbey," he exploded, "don't HANDLE me! Don't treat me like a fucking invalid too weak and sick to even hear about what happens to my own kids at school!" 

Before Abbey could respond, he shoved off from the side and began furiously swimming across the pool. She stood rooted on the spot watching him, knowing he was hurting and unable to do anything about it. Lap after lap, he was pushing himself too hard, too fast and too hard, working out his anger and frustration until she'd finally had enough. 

"Jed, stop it." Firmly stepping in front of him on his next lap, she forced him to stop. Looking up at her as he swiped the wet hair back off his forehead, misery etched on the tired lines of his face, he broke her heart. "Jed," the sternness was gone, her voice breaking as she said his name again and he relented. 

"I'm sorry, Abbey. I was out of line. I shouldn't have gone off on you like that." 

She had expected anger and was relieved that he appeared to have worked it all off. "We need to talk about this." 

"Yes, we do." Just because he was sorry for yelling at her didn't mean that he wasn't still upset. Together they swam to the stairs that led out of the pool and sat side by side. 

"You can't do this, Abbey," Jed said. "You can't treat me with kid gloves afraid that every little thing that might upset me might set me back. You don't want me to hide things from you, well, that goes both ways, toots." 

"I know it does. And to set the record straight I wasn't hiding anything from you. I was going to tell you what happened, but you were so tired last night. It was nothing that couldn't wait. I would have held out even if you weren't still struggling with your recuperation. This isn't any different from any other time we've chosen to wait for a more opportune moment to bring something up." 

Abbey's knees rose to her chest and she wrapped her arms around them, uncertainty playing across her face. There was something she was leaving out. Her face was like an open book, an open book Jed had been reading for too many years not to notice. 

"Really?" He lifted her chin gazing into lovely green eyes now filled with pain. She would not lie to him, of that he was sure. "There isn't any more to this than my admitted hypersensitivity on the subject?" 

"Yes, really. I honestly was planning to tell you. But," she blew out a sigh; "if you want complete honesty here it is. If the children hadn't been involved and I hadn't known they would at some point tell you what happened, I don't know if I would have brought it up." 

He appreciated her honesty but it didn't take away the sting. "That's what I'm talking about. I don't want you treating me any differently. I don't want you hiding things from me, can't you understand that?" His frustration was more than apparent. 

"Of course I can. It's just..." She turned away not wanting him to see the tears that pooled in her eyes as she fought the emotions she'd been holding so tightly in check. 

"Just what?" 

"I just didn't want to hurt you. You think I don't know what it did to you to hear what that boy told Aislinn about you? The last thing you've ever wanted was to have the M.S. define you and now that's what people are trying to do. I knew you'd be furious and hurt and I also know that stress is not in any way shape or form good for you right now. You're doing so well with your rehab I don't want anything to hold you back. I know how important it is for you to get back on your feet." 

"Important for me? It's important for both of us." 

"Well, yes of course. I want to see you walk again too. I want that for you more than anything. But, if it doesn't happen – if you have to spend the rest of your days in a wheelchair or using crutches, it sure as hell isn't going to make me love you any less. I love the whole you and nothing, NOTHING, will ever change that, do you understand me?" 

Covering up the quick tears that stung his eyes, Jed blinked quickly and looked away. "Comprendez-vous." Only when he was sure the tears were held at bay did he turn back to her. "But I can handle more than you're giving me credit for. Just don't try to protect me or hide things from me, okay? Especially when it comes to our kids. If some bastard calls me a cripple, I want to know about it." 

"Okay." She reached out to take his hand. 

"So," a crooked little half smile curved his lips. "Did you really give Sean's father a tongue lashing?" 

Abbey gave a soft laugh through her tears. "Yeah, I guess I did." 

"You didn't do anything that should have me worried about a lawsuit, did you?" 

"What, like driving my stiletto through his foot?" 

Jed's eyes widened and she gave him a wry smile. "Don't look so scared. I didn't inflict any bodily harm. I gave him a lecture on what is and isn't appropriate to discuss with your three or four year old. He got the message even without the stiletto." 

"I imagine he did. I wish I could have seen it. You're a sight to behold in righteous anger." 

"He's just a bully, a typical ignorant bully." 

"I just hate that it got taken out on Aislinn." 

"I know you do." She reached out to stroke his cheek. "But, she'll be okay. We talked about it. I guess in today's partisan climate even pre-school isn't too young to prepare children for what it means to be the child of a politician." 

"I talked about it with her too." 

"Yeah? Did you use the devil dogs vs. ring dings analogy?" she grinned. 

"For your information I reworked my old material a bit. It was chocolate chip cookies versus oatmeal raisin." 

"Let me guess, chocolate chip won." 

"Wasn't even a contest." 

"God, I love you," she laughed and rested her head on his shoulder. 

"I just wish it didn't have to be this way." 

"I know you do. But, we've talked about this before. At least our kids know that there are things that we believe in very deeply and that we will stand up for our convictions and that they should too. Look at Ellie getting up there in front of the cameras to share her passion for science and research in the face of criticism. She learned that from us you know – particularly you, Mr. Dark Horse." 

"Yeah, I was so proud of her." 

"So was I. And one day Aislinn and Nicholas will have to call on that strength of character to help them stand up for what they believe in and they will remember what they learned from being a politician's kid. But not just any old politician." 

"No?" 

"Nope. They lucked out. Their dad is one of the good guys." She lifted his hand kissing the back of it. "Now, I hope we're good here because I'm starting to get pruned sitting here in the water." 

"We're good," he agreed. 

But both knew it was not going to be an easy road, that there were sure to be twists and turns and that they would have to work very hard not to stumble into anymore of the potholes. 

**** 

"This is great. I have a devastating neurological disease and you're making me do calisthenics." Having just finished fifty sit ups, Jed was laying on a table on his stomach while Ken, his physical therapist, worked at stretching his muscles. 

"Can I put this whining in a book I'm planning to write?" Ken asked. He was a big African-American with a great sense of humor and the strength to brook no nonsense from his very important patient. 

"If I'd wanted to exercise I never would have become an economist." Jed glanced up from the table at the sound of footsteps. "Curtis, my friend. How are you doing today?" 

"Just fine, sir." 

"Well, a mighty blessing upon your mighty frame, son." 

"Appreciate that, Mr. President. What can I do for you, sir?" 

"Is my wife about?" 

"I believe she is, sir. She just returned from bringing the children to pre-school." Normally Isabelle brought the children to school but because Aislinn had been so upset the other day, Abbey had skipped their morning swim to bring the kids to school. 

"Thank you." 

Curtis set off to find Abbey while Ken continued to bend Jed's legs in ways Jed considered unnatural – at least for his body. 

"Okay," he groaned. "Now you've got me trying to do stuff I couldn't do before I got sick." 

"When you're feeling wobbly that's a good opportunity for you to take some time with range of motion." 

"Terrific. I'll just pretend I'm a crustacean." 

"Use it or lose it, Mr. President." 

"That could be said for the power of the Presidency as well." 

Abbey entered the room just as Ken twisted Jed's leg and he gave another groan. 

"Good Lord, Jed, are you all right?" she asked. 

"I'm fine. Thank you, Curtis. When I need you I'll holler." 

"I'll be right outside the door, sir." 

"You bet." Jed's attention moved to Abbey. "He's a great kid." 

Abbey's eyes sparkled. "I'd love to watch him eat a pie." With a last glance at Jed, she entered the bathroom to grab a couple tampons. Her period was imminent and she had a busy day that would keep her away from the Residence for most of it. 

"You on your way?" Jed asked her as she re-entered the bedroom. 

"I've got a quick meet with your doctors and CJ later this morning, five interviews and three receptions this afternoon." 

"Aw geez." Jed was kind of hoping that since he'd be working from the Residence that she might be around for a while. 

"Hell is a place where you gotta keep smiling and you're not allowed to take off your pantyhose." 

"You want me in on the CJ meeting?" 

"Not unless you want to hear yourself referred to in the third person AND keep your mouth shut." She picked up a stack of files and shoved them into her soft leather briefcase. 

"I didn't think my schedule was going to be so light on the protein." 

"Well, that's all right, Jed." She strode to him throwing an arm over his shoulder to place a kiss on his temple. "You can afford to lose a few pounds." 

"Ssh..." 

"I'll see you this evening," she whispered into his ear. 

"I'll be here," he muttered as he watched her leave. 

**** 

A couple hours later, now dressed in a pair of old worn jeans and a Notre Dame sweatshirt, Jed angrily squeezed the ball he was using to strengthen his left arm. Toby, Josh and CJ had just left the Residence after informing him Senator Sam Wilkinson had added an amendment to ban gay marriage onto the administration's budget. The Sanctity of Marriage Act, they called it. Dammit it all to hell. What WAS it with priggish Republicans and their obsession with sex. First, it was the Marriage Recognition Act, then Clancy Bangart's amendment to his Foreign Ops bill stipulating that foreign ops dollars wouldn't go to any overseas clinics that council abortion, and then the Family planning rider – on and on it went. If the Republicans worried a little less about what went on in someone else's bedroom and a little more on the real problems that faced America – problems like poverty, education and health care – the country would be in far better shape. 

Sanctity of Marriage, good Lord, what business did that have being on his budget? Wilkinson thought he'd blink. Jed knew how these guys operated. Like Haffley before him, Wilkinson thought he'd caught the President in a weak moment. A year ago, still reeling from the kidnapping, Haffley hadn't thought he'd fight back over the last budget, and now with this M.S. flare up the Republicans yet again thought they had him where they wanted him. CJ agreed with them. She wanted the budget passed and felt the Sanctity of Marriage was merely an empty gesture since no court would uphold the amendment. And yet, it wasn't an empty gesture. It was telling the world that Jed Bartlet was okay with banning gay marriages. Truth told, while he wholeheartedly supported civil unions, his feelings about gay marriage were more ambiguous. To him, marriage had historical, cultural and religious connotations and was defined as being sanctified between a man and a woman. However, he was not against any state deciding they wanted to make gay marriage legal. He might not personally be behind the idea but he sure didn't feel it was right for him to completely ban it, even if it was an empty gesture. Gestures mattered and it mattered very much to him that his name not be associated with what he considered to be, in many ways, bigoted legislation. 

And yet, he'd also refused to threaten to veto the whole damn thing. He wanted Toby and Josh to get the amendment off his budget without giving them the power of a threat to veto. The last time he'd threatened a veto it had taken a government shutdown and sheer force of will to make Haffley back off and Jed just wasn't sure he had that in him this time. He might, however, just have to find out. Chances were that it would still come down to him having to threaten a veto if he wanted the amendment gone. Very rarely did reasoning with Republicans work. It usually came down to threats and he had to decide pretty soon whether he was ready to make that threat or not. 

**** 

"What we need to focus on is the best way to manage his symptoms in this unique environment." Jed's neurologist was there for the meeting with the First Lady and some of the President's staff. 

"That's what this is," Abbey said. She wasn't sure she could think of a more unique environment. 

"What about stress?" Charlie asked. 

"Can't be good for you," replied the doctor. 

"Tell me about it," Charlie agreed. "The before and after pictures in this place are intense." 

"No more back to back marathon meetings?" CJ asked. 

"No, an hour max. His legs are going to start cramping and spasming. You don't want him kicking out the Resolute desk." 

"Or one of the Joint Chiefs," Abbey quipped. The longer this conversation went on the sicker she was feeling to her stomach. 

"How many hours can we schedule?" Curtis asked. 

"Depends. Six or seven tops. And he's going to need a nap midday." 

"A nap. He's gonna love that." 

Feeling like she had just received a kick to the stomach, Abbey regarded the man sitting before her – the specialist who was so calmly chipping away parts of who her husband was, each blow causing her to want to retreat within herself. And if it was this hard for her to have to sit here and listen to him, it killed her to think of how hard it would be on Jed to have to live with it. 

"It's the public time that's going to be tough," the doctor continued. "Standing behind podiums, shaking hands, cabinet meetings." 

"So, more on the phone," CJ said. "More memos, things he can read and sign?" 

The doctor shook his head negatively. "Too much reading might lead to optical problems. You're probably going to have to severely limit his reading materials." 

Charlie felt the First Lady flinch beside him. 

"Oh Lord." The bile rose in Abbey's throat as she closed her eyes and fought the wave of nausea. She didn't want to hear anymore of this. She wanted to cry. Instead she sat quietly, somehow diminished from the vivacious woman she usually was, the woman who would normally have been peppering the doctor with questions – were he not only sadly confirming what she already knew. 

"Anything else?" CJ asked. 

"High temperatures can trigger attacks. You have to keep the Oval below 70." 

"Okay, so we'll do a daily report on the President's condition in the morning staff," CJ said. Although on a different level from Abbey, it was still difficult for CJ trying to work things out and remain positive about what the President could do rather than dwelling on what he couldn't do for the time being. She was trying to be professional, trying to figure out a way to maximize the President's now shortened day, but it was frustrating both personally and professionally. She hated to think of how frustrated the normally energetic President was going to be about it all. 

Throughout the meeting, CJ had avoided looking at Abbey, unable to bear witness to the woman's pain. But now her eyes were drawn to her. Abbey had been so quiet throughout the meeting, barely commenting, and now she was staring blankly ahead completely lost in her own thoughts. CJ's heart went out to her and just as she was about to send her a sympathetic smile, she watched Abbey's shoulder's stiffen with resolve, physically shaking off of the aura of saddened defeat. CJ could only marvel at the emotional strength of the petite woman as Abbey forced her vulnerability back behind blunt practicality. 

"The bottom line is we have to be prepared for anything everyday," Abbey said briskly. She'd told Jed once that smart people who loved him would have his back and she was determined to make that the case. They were going to make this work. "Yes, ma'am." 

With that pronouncement the meeting broke up – the doctors, Charlie and Curtis leaving the room. Abbey remained seated on the couch, shell-shocked. Seeing her sitting there looking so very much alone, CJ hung back. 

"How are you holding up?" CJ asked her. 

"Me?" 

"Yes, you. We've been talking a lot about the President, but this can't be easy for you either." 

Moved by CJ's concern Abbey swallowed tightly forcing back the wave of emotion. "I guess you could say that. Between Jed and the kids and work – well, you know, you do what you gotta do." 

CJ rested an empathetic hand over Abbey's. "I'm here if you ever need an ear or a shoulder." 

"Thank you. I appreciate that." In spite of CJ's concern, Abbey was not yet ready to give way to the flood of emotions she was so carefully concealing from the world and instead changed the subject. "I hear you're having a bit of a day yourself." 

"You heard about that, did you?" 

"Annie sends me emails, so I check my computer every morning." 

"Well apparently I'm the most powerful lesbian on the planet." 

"When exactly did that happen?" 

"You didn't get the memo?" 

"I've been a little busy." 

"What's really frustrating is that I've actually met this really great guy. I've had dinner twice in one week with him. I'm crazy about him." 

"That's great!" Abbey lit up with approval. She knew how lonely CJ had been during the White House years and wanted nothing more than for her to find happiness. 

"Yes, except that he hasn't had the courtesy to call me today. Probably because he's a member of the undependable gender. Come to think of it, maybe he has less of an idea how to handle my fictitious lesbianism than I do, so he'll just remain silent and drift away like the legion of other cowards who made their way through my life until I became successful and suddenly started to scare them – scare them with the very independence they required me to have. But now I'm looking at some bad numbers. I'm about to turn forty-five years old. My chances of hooking up with Mr. Right are about nil and my biological clock has damn near given up ticking. But what was I supposed to do? Turn down the opportunity to serve the President of the United States whom I believe in and adore." 

Now was Abbey's turn for sympathy. "I know where you're coming from on that score." 

"You just want to share all with someone, you know? Well, look who I'm asking, of course you know." 

"I do know. There's nothing more comforting and rewarding than sharing your life with someone else. I know very well how lucky I was to find Jed. How lucky I was that by some miracle he fell in love with me as deeply as I fell in love with him. You're a great woman, CJ, and you deserve that." 

"Thank you, ma'am." 

"And don't forget I was a couple years older than you are when I got pregnant with the twins. It can happen." 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking your ear off. I know you're busy." 

"Don't apologize. We women need to stick together." Abbey got to her feet, smoothed her slim fitting skirt and made her way to the door. 

"Abbey?" 

Abbey halted at the doorway and turned around. "Yes?" 

"You got Mr. Right – one of the dependable guys. Hold on to him." 

A wistful smile touched Abbey's lips and she held out her arms closing her fingers into fists. "With both hands, CJ. With both hands." 


	40. Altered Lives

  
Author's notes: Part of this chapter transplanted from \"The Midterms\".  


* * *

Sitting on the edge of the bed in his dress shirt and boxers, Jed heard the door to the bedroom open. Only Abbey entered the room without a knock so he had no doubt of whom it was. He also had no doubt that she was going to be pissed since he'd promised that he would work from the Residence today and instead he was going down to the Oval Office for a meeting with Sam Wilkinson. Hoping that matter of fact honesty might diffuse the situation he admitted right away to what he was doing. 

"I have to go downstairs for a quick meeting." 

"CJ called me." Abbey's flat tone let him know she was not thrilled and that irritated him. He had a job and he had to do it, end of story. 

"Yeah, God forbid anyone see me running around the West Wing. They might think I'm actually running the country." 

Abbey was having none of his sarcasm. "Is this going to be your idea of resting?" she asked. 

"It's only going to take a couple of minutes." 

Clenching her fists, Abbey fought to remain calm. "We have a situation here, Jed." 

She was right, they did. "I'm starting to feel like a guest at the most secure bed and breakfast on the planet." 

Understanding where he was coming from did not sway Abbey. She knew he was chomping at the bit to get back into the swing of things, but chancing his recovery was not an option in her mind. "What's so important that you'd risk your health?" 

"The Sanctity of Marriage Act." 

"Oh, that old chestnut? I was hoping for at least an international crisis." 

Jed continued to button his shirt. It wasn't an international crisis, but it was still important. Frustrated by his lack of response, Abbey's irritation with him came through. 

"Hold the fish lightly, Jed, or it's going to flop right out of your hands." 

Unwilling to accept that, yet unable to finish the task at hand and be on his way, he was forced to ask Abbey for help. 

"I want to put my pants on." 

"What?" she asked with confusion. What kind of a response was that? 

"My pants. I can't put 'em on." 

In an instant, faced with her husband's wounded pride, Abbey's frustration gave way to compassion. 

"Oh, okay." 

Watching his wife bend down beside him to slide his pants over his legs, Jed felt the humiliation bone deep. These were the things Abbey was supposed to do for their children NOT her husband. Shoving his feelings back into a place where they couldn't hurt him, he used dark humor to cover the pain. 

"A body from spirit does slowly unwind until we're pure spirit at the end..." 

Well aware that he was hiding his discomfort with quips the way that he always did, Abbey glanced up at him and played along. 

"You're gonna quote poetry now?" 

The sweet half smile that touched his lips disappeared quickly as Abbey's arms wrapped around his waist to lift him. Placing one arm over her slender shoulders and the other around the bedpost, Jed did what he could to help her get him on his feet. Abbey was a small woman and she struggled to hold him up and get the pants over his hips. While he was hanging to the bedpost fighting the feeling of helplessness, he speculated on what a great broad his wife really was – and he meant that in the very best sense of the word. She knew he would hate maudlin so she put on brave face and gave back as good as she got, pulling on his pants as if it were something she'd done every day of her life. He loved his wife every minute of every day, but there were times that the sheer intensity of that love could overwhelm him. This was one of those moments. 

"So this is why they make you take vows." he said. 

Her eyes met his, understanding the sentiment behind the words. "Yup, this is why." 

They flopped back down on the bed, Jed's arm still over Abbey's shoulders, both breathing heavily from their exertion. After a few moments Jed began zipping up his fly and buttoning his pants. 

"Thank you." It was said quietly, painfully. Abbey closed her eyes – so often these days she was on the brink of tears. She wanted to wrap Jed in her arms and hold him to her chest. Instead, she took his hand and squeezed it in acknowledgement of the thanks. 

"If you really want to thank me you'll come right back up here after your meeting." 

"Always bargaining?" he shook his head with amusement. 

"That's what comes from living with a politician." 

"Yeah, well, I gotta go take on that role right now." 

"'Sanctity of Marriage, huh?" 

"Yep. The Republicans stuck it on my budget." 

They'd had had many a conversation about that very topic, and while they had both started in the same spot, Jed knew that Abbey had moved more quickly into acceptance of not only the idea of civil unions, which they both supported, but for gay marriage as well. And yet, knowing where he stood, she didn't push him. 

"Know what you're going to do about it?" 

He shook his head negatively. "I'm meeting with Wilkinson – hoping I might convince him to take it off." 

She raised a delicate brow. "Out of the goodness of his heart?" 

His lips twisted wryly. "I'm hoping I don't have to rely on that. At times even Republicans can see reason. I'm not sure how many have hearts." 

Abbey reached out pushing back the lock of bronze hair that fell carelessly over his forehead, her fingers lingering to caress along his cheek. "You've spent damn near your whole life defining who you are, what you believe in. You've never let others define you and I don't imagine that you'll start now." 

Such faith. She had such faith and trust in him to do the right thing when even HE wasn't sure what he was going to do if Wilkinson refused to do what he was going to ask of him. It warmed Jed and scared him at the same time. He hated the idea of letting anyone down, but he particularly hated the idea of letting Abbey down – and that was mainly because she did believe in him so strongly. And because she, more than anyone else, knew what was in his heart and who he was at his core. 

"I appreciate your belief in me. I really do." 

She smiled sweetly and kissed him on the tip of the nose. "I always believe in you, Jed." 

**** 

Fully dressed in what he considered his presidential suit of armor, Jed wheeled himself over to the window overlooking the Rose Garden while he waited for Wilkinson to arrive at the Oval. He could have come down in his jeans and sweatshirt; he was a casual guy and often had meetings in casual apparel. Hell, he'd even met with Lord John Marbury while in his bathrobe. But there was something about being in the suit that gave him a feeling of greater power and authority and he was going to need that to combat the weakened image Wilkinson might have of him. 

Staring out the window, his mind wandered to the many predecessors that had stood here before him on these very grounds. He wasn't the only President who faced personal adversity and challenge, not by a long shot. Some of the tragedies that had befallen earlier Presidents were something Jed could only imagine with horror. Franklin Pierce, the first President from New Hampshire had lost all three of his children before their twelfth birthdays, leading to a life of alcoholism and death from cirrhosis of the liver. Abraham Lincoln, while struggling to keep the Union intact, had watched his son Willie die of typhoid. The boy had been embalmed in this very building. Woodrow Wilson had lost his first wife while in office then suffered a debilitating stroke that had left him completely paralyzed on his left side. Franklin Delano Roosevelt had fought World War II from a wheelchair, always fighting public knowledge of his weakened state. 

When put into perspective, it seemed abhorrent to him that he had any measure of self-pity for his situation. He had a beautiful, loving, and supportive wife, five beautiful, healthy children, a life others could only dream of. Against all odds, while on his feet, he had brokered a peace treaty in the Middle East. Then, just a couple of months later, while in a wheelchair had negotiated terms for talks with North Korea. As he told his children, he was the same guy sitting down as he was standing up and maybe it was about time that he too begin to understand that. Yes, he was down for the moment, and yes it was damn frustrating, but he was still surrounded by the people who mattered most to him. Was still running a country that was prosperous and at peace, and he would be back up again. It was only a matter of time. 

**** 

"Mr. President." 

Forcing a smile, unable to rise, Jed held out his hand. "Sam." 

"Well, you look terrific, Mr. President." 

What did he think? Jed wondered cynically. That he was on death's door? Lord, how he hated feeling at such a disadvantage by simply being unable to rise and face the man eye to eye. It was such a simple act, really, standing on one's own two feet, and yet it played into his psyche and to those who met with him. They saw him as weakened – an object of pity. But, bolstered from his earlier contemplation, rather than wallow in his own sense of pity he vowed to use that impression to his advantage. People had often underestimated him – his father, the media pundits in both '98 and '02, John Hoynes, Rob Ritchie, Jeff Haffley – they'd all learned that under his affable mask was a man of great determination and strength. He was still that man – as Sam Wilkinson was about to find out. 

"Sorry, I can't get up, but I can't get up." Might as well recognize the elephant in the room right from the start. 

"You're in our prayers." 

"I appreciate that, Sam. I really do. Now tell me what I can do to get your amendment off my budget." 

"Against nature. Men leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust toward one another. Men with men working that which is unseemly. Romans." 

Ahh, Jed thought, now he's on MY territory. Not many people knew he had at one time envisaged life as a priest. 

"Would it offend you, Sam, if I said this amendment represents a selective interpretation of the scriptures? A complete inversion of the values of Jesus Christ?" 

"No, sir, it wouldn't offend me. I'm secure in my faith." 

"Isn't there something in that book about forgiveness? Aren't we all God's children?" 

"Of course we are, which is why the government shouldn't institutionalize behavior that is in opposition to our faith." 

"What gives us the right to visit our faith upon the country?" 

"One nation under God. What gives us the right not to? I introduced that amendment because I believe you want to sign it, Mr. President." 

A flicker of surprise crossed Jed's face. "Hmmm?" 

"You told me as much six weeks ago at the prayer breakfast. That civil unions are one thing but marriage is between a man and a woman." 

That gave Jed pause. Damn, he had said that – in response to a conversation he was having with Archbishop Bradley. That whole day was at times a blur – the start of his relapse. Unable to see out of his right eye, his mind was on other matters – but that was hardly an excuse. He was politically savvy enough to know that anything he said, however innocent or merely thoughtful could and would be used against him. He never should have spoken with Wilkinson in hearing range. He knew better and should have been more careful. 

"I can't stand up anymore." 

"Sir?" Wilkinson wasn't sure where the President was going with this change of tack. 

"I've lost my balance. It should come back but it's gone right now." 

"Are you dizzy, sir?" He eyed the president warily; the last thing he needed was Jed Bartlet keeling over on him. 

"No, I just can't find my balance – it went away. I try thinking it back but it's difficult because it's not a static thing. Once it's gone it's hard to imagine having it back again. It's disheartening to realize that thinking just isn't going to get it done. You just have to trust that you'll happen onto it again." 

"You only have two more years, Mr. President." 

Jed was surprised that Sam actually got that he was speaking metaphorically as well as physically. 

"Yeah I've got a great future behind me," Jed snorted sarcastically. 

"Attaching this to the budget gives you all the cover you need." 

"How is this our job, Sam? I raised my right hand and swore an oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States of America." 

"Where was your left hand, Mr. President?" 

"You want to bring the Bible into this Sam? Then let's bring it in. Yes, I placed my hand on that Bible. The Bible says that I can sell my daughters off into slavery. You wanna be the one to tell my wife our four girls are gone? The Bible says I can kill my Chief of Staff for working on the Sabbath. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important, 'cause we've got a lot of sports fans in this town. The Bible says touching the skin of a dead pig makes us unclean. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can the New England Patriots? The Bible says I can burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think I should save that for Easter or wait until Christmas? The Bible says that anyone who curses can be stoned to death. Would there be any among us still alive? The Bible says a woman must not wear men's clothing. You wanna be the one to tell the women of this nation that jeans are out? Come on, Sam. This isn't about my hand sitting on the Bible or you thinking you know what I want. This is about you believing that I'd be off balanced enough to let something like this slide. You thought wrong. You don't get to define me, Sam. You don't get to tell the world what I believe or don't believe. Keep it on there and I'll veto the damn thing." 

The gazes of the two men were unwavering, the silence in the room deafening. In the end, recognizing the steeliness of Jed Bartlet's convictions, remembering Jeff Haffley's humiliation a year ago at Bartlet's hand, Sam blinked. Unwilling to accept the consequences of his action the Senator stood in defeat. 

"I'll have to speak with my colleagues." 

"Of course, thank you, Sam." Jed nodded and held out his hand. It was a mere formality. Sam was saving face. The amendment was gone. 

Grudgingly, Sam shook his hand. "Good night, Mr. President." 

**** 

With every step Abbey made down the halls from the Residence to the West Wing, her anger grew. She wished she hadn't changed out of her First Lady clothes into the more comfortable jeans and sweater she liked to bang around the Residence in. The silence of her loafers on the hard floors did not give her nearly the satisfaction her high heels normally did as they clicked furiously with her mood. 

A quick meeting, he'd said. Quick meeting, my ass. He'd been gone for hours. She should have known that Jed couldn't come down here without getting wrapped up in something or other. Making the corner to the Oval Office she paused. Great, whatever he was down here for wasn't even important; he'd sent Debbie on her way home. The secretaries' offices were completely vacated for the evening. 

The door to the Oval was slightly ajar. Great again, no satisfaction from flinging it open. She stepped up to the door, ready to give it a good shove anyway when movement caught her eye. Peering in quietly, she felt her heart rise to her throat. Jed was trying to walk using his crutches. He was completely focused on the act, struggling to keep his balance as he willed his body to do as he asked. Her first instinct was to rush forward to his side and help him. In fact she had to grip onto the door handle to restrain herself from the adrenaline that screamed at her to MOVE. Jed was a proud man. He would not appreciate what he would consider her babying him and he sure wouldn't appreciate knowing that she was watching him in this vulnerable moment. A part of her knew she should walk away, give him his privacy, but the doctor and mother in her were too strong. She couldn't walk away for fear he might fall on his face and need help. 

It was hard. Hard for her to see him this way, hard for her to see the effort it now took him to do what everyone else took for granted. His staff saw the genial President in his wheelchair, cracking jokes about his condition and dealing with it all with the good humor they'd come to rely on. She was the one who saw the frustration, the depression. The one who saw his physical pain and eased his aching muscles. The one who knew that he lived with the fear of being seen as less than a man, as weakened in any way that took away from his powerful, vital persona. 

She found that she was holding her breath, and that she had moved from wanting to race to Jed's side, to championing his cause. One more step Jed, she mouthed silently. You can do it, just one more step. Her whole body tensed as he reached his desk and discarded his crutches to lean on it, realizing what he was about to do. Her teeth dug into her bottom lip as he removed his hands from the desk and stood on his own. He wobbled for just a moment and she very nearly gave herself away, terrified that he might fall. But, he steadied himself. 

He stood still for a long moment, then turned and tentatively took a step forward, keeping the desk at his right in case he should fall and need to catch himself. He didn't. Through eyes swimming now with tears, Abbey watched him with pride and love and relief. He was walking. For the first time in almost four weeks, he was walking on his own. Quietly, she stepped back closing the door and made her way back to the Residence, this time not with the heaviness of anger, but with a lightness of spirit. 

Jed was walking. 


	41. Altered Lives

Outside the door to his bedroom, Jed took a deep breath. Excitement and the urgency to share his good news warred with self-preservation. Abbey was going to be pissed that he'd stayed at the office so long when he'd assured her he'd be right back. It seemed that even when he had the best of intentions, things seemed to slip away from him. He was actually quite surprised that she hadn't come down to the Oval to see what was keeping him and to urge him to come up to bed. Oh well, what the hell. If he knew his wife – and he knew his wife – once she saw what he could now do, she'd forget all about being mad at him. 

"Abbey?" 

Stretched out in her lounging pajamas on the couch, her bare feet tucked under Max's warm body where he lay curled end at the other end, Abbey could barely hold back the urge to jump to her feet and hug him or the smile that threatened to give her away. Instead, she made a pretence of casually glancing up over her reading glasses at him without a word. 

"Hey, I know I'm late and I know you're pissed." 

"Really, you're a mind reader now?" 

There was no sting to her sarcasm and that set Jed back for a moment. "I...no...I guess I just figured–" He was eyeing her with such confusion that Abbey almost felt sorry for him. Biting back her laughter, she set her bookmark in place and put the book down. 

"How did the meeting go?" 

"Uh, good, good. The amendment's gone." 

"You threatened a veto?" 

"Yeah. Had to." 

Dammit, if the jackass didn't tell her that he could walk pretty soon, Abbey was going to scream. 

"There's um...something else." 

"Yeah?" She held her breath, teeth digging into her lip. 

"I managed to stand up without my crutches in the Oval just now. And then...well... I took a few steps on my own." The look of boyish pleasure on his face was so sweet, so pure, Abbey's heart constricted. 

Thinking of the sheer grit and willpower she had witnessed to accomplish the task he now spoke of so easily, she almost shook her head. The man was a master of understatement. "Well," she pulled her feet out from under Max and turned so she was sitting up, "you going to just sit there or are you going to show me?" 

Surprised by her nonchalance, Jed studied her more closely and saw the light dancing in her eyes. The little minx was toying with him, giving him a taste of his own medicine. 

Putting the breaks on his wheelchair – just in case – Jed nervously rose. Nervously because he wasn't sure if that awful feeling of being off-balanced would be back. Maybe what happened in the Oval was a fluke. What if he fell flat on his face? 

Abbey watched the emotions warring across her husband's handsome, expressive face – her first instinct to comfort him and offer reassurance. About to encourage him, she stopped herself as steel of resolve took over his features and he defiantly stood, straight and proud. With a lump forming in her throat and tears welling in her eyes, Abbey watched him now with the same pride she had felt earlier as he began crossing the room toward her. He was slow – he was tentative and a little limp impeded his progress, but he was most definitely WALKING. Finally, she allowed the smile she'd been fighting to beam across her face, and lithely jumping to her feet, she ran into arms he held wide open for her. 

Tears stinging his eyes, Jed buried his face into Abbey's fragrant hair. Swirling emotions warred within them both and they clung to each other silently, each knowing the joy and relief of the other. 

"I'd almost forgotten what it feels like to stand on my own two feet and hold you like this," Jed said, his voice husky with emotion. There was a strength he felt enfolding her tiny form into his larger one, a feeling he had been decidedly lacking for the past few weeks. 

Abbey lifted her chin and gazed up at him with shiny eyes the color of new spring grass. A tear trailed from the corner back into her hair, but this time it was a tear of joy, of relief. Her hand moved up to cup over his jaw. 

"I know how hard you worked to get to this point and I know how much this means to you." 

"I may have worked hard but I wouldn't have gotten this far without you kicking my ass to get me to therapy." 

"Always available for ass kicking duty, sir. I serve at the pleasure of the President." 

He laughed that deep belly laugh she hadn't heard in ages. 

"What?" Her nose wrinkled in confusion. 

"The day you ever SERVE anyone, Abigail Bartlet, is the day I'll eat my hat." 

"Really? Your Notre Dame baseball cap?" 

Jed eyed her warily. "What have you got up your sleeve?" 

"Nothing at all," she said with complete innocence. "Just checking for future reference." 

Future reference indeed. He could see the wheels turning in his wife's lovely little head. 

"I'd love to discuss this further but right now I think I'd better sit down." In spite of the therapy, Jed's muscles were still a little weak and his left leg ached a bit. 

"Of course." She led him toward the couch. "You have to be careful not to do too much. I don't want you pushing yourself just because you're on your feet again." 

"I don't know what you're talking about. I never push myself." 

She turned to him, face incredulous then saw the twinkle in his eye. "Oh, you're bad," she admonished. 

"Yes, I am." 

In the past he would have continued on with "Want me to show you how bad?", making it quite apparent to Abbey that sexual banter was not yet back to being a teasing matter. 

"So, you think we should wake the twins and show them?" he asked. "What about Zoey? Is she home?" 

Abbey shook her head; he was like an eager kid on Christmas morning excited to show off his newfound toy. 

"I think you should surprise them by walking in on them tomorrow morning at breakfast." 

"Good idea. I'll surprise the staff too. I'll go into the office in my wheelchair, then without a word during morning staff, I'll just get up and walk over to my desk." 

Abbey laughed, delighted with his enthusiasm. "Always gotta have a plan, don't you?" 

"Should I name this one? What do you think of 'Operation One Step in Front of the Other'?" 

Abbey groaned and he laughed. "You know," she said, turning in his arms suddenly gone serious. "I don't want to be a downer here but I meant what I said about not pushing yourself. I want you to make sure you have your cane and use it when you need it." 

"I will," Jed appreciated what she left unsaid. "I know I'm not out of the woods yet." 

"Not yet," she agreed, "but you sure found the trail of breadcrumbs." 

Later that night as they prepared to go to sleep, Jed gave Abbey the perfunctory quick kiss to the cheek that had been his trademark "goodnight" since New Year's Eve. That had been the last night that he had touched her in any way that was not simple quick affection. She was hoping for more tonight. Not that she was looking for sex; she was looking for warmth, a deeper affection and personal connection with the man she loved. That connection had been so important back when his relapse had begun. There had been such fear and confusion and they had reached out to one another, clinging to each other for reassurance and to ward off the fears that ate at them. Now it seemed that the better Jed got, the more he eased away from her. He wasn't cold. He wasn't cruel. He just kept a certain distance and she missed the way they used to be. Missed lying in the dark curled up in his arms, sharing stories about their days, laughing about things the kids said and did and just simply talking until their voices grew heavy with sleep and they finally dozed off. She missed waking up with Jed's cheek buried against her breasts, the feel of his breath warm against her skin, his soft hair tickling her chin. She missed the ease of touch and affection and she wasn't exactly sure how to get that back. She didn't want Jed to feel pressured in any way, didn't want him to assume that she wanted more than he was able to give at the moment. But for a woman used to the touch of her husband, the feel of her husband, there was an almost physical ache at losing that. 

Tonight though, tonight, still glowing with Jed's progress, she needed that contact. Rolling onto her side, she gently wrapped her arm around his torso nearly holding her breath to await his reaction. Happily, although he stiffened, he did not move away. In fact, after a moment he took her hand, kissed the palm and tucked into up against his chest. Smiling contentedly, she pressed a kiss to the back of his neck and fell asleep hoping this might be a turning point. 

For Jed it wasn't quite that easy. When the relapse had first struck him, when he had first become paralyzed, sex was not of paramount importance. His fatigue, his inability to walk, the problems his relapse was creating for him professionally were the immediate problems, the problems he was focused on. Since New Year's Eve that had changed. Once the feelings had started coming back to his lower body he'd begun thinking more about the other ways his relapse might limit him. Touching and affection, stroking and kissing – they all led to one thing – arousal. It wasn't that every time he held Abbey or touched Abbey they ended up having sex. Far from it. Their relationship was based on so much more than merely a sexual connection. They were an affectionate couple and there was lots of loving touches, long kisses, and nights where they simply fell asleep wrapped around each other. But on many of those occasions Jed did feel arousal. Hell, he felt arousal just watching Abbey put on a pair of pantyhose, twitches that in an instant could become more, if needed. And now he shied away from any chance of being aroused, not because he didn't want those feelings but because he worried that he might not have them. Back when he was feeling nothing below the waist, he had told himself that when the feeling came back things would go back to normal. But now he was afraid that might not be the case. He desperately wanted to know that he could still have an erection – and that's where the fear lay. If he didn't try, he wouldn't have to know for sure whether he could or could not perform sexually. For now the not knowing was easier than knowing for sure that he still wasn't responding, even though all the feeling had come back to him and he was back up on his feet. 

Early the next morning while Jed was in the bathroom and Abbey was opening the heavy drapes, the reason for his resistance became more apparent to her. Upon opening the drapes, the sunlight set on a piece of paper that partially stuck out from under the hamper. Bending down to pick it up, she found that it was crumpled up as if it had been jammed into a pant pocket and figured it must have fallen out of Jed's pants when he threw them in the hamper and been missed by the maid that cleaned their room. When she opened it and saw the list of drugs and suggestions to help deal with erectile dysfunction, she knew what she had only suspected before. Jed was afraid of intimacy. Afraid that what happened to him on New Year's Eve might happen again. She thought they'd talked all that through but evidently it was still bothering him. 

"Jed," she said when he came out of the bathroom. "You want to talk about this?" 

With a frown, he gave a glance at the paper she was waving at him and turned away grumbling, "Not particularly." 

"For heaven's sake. I'm your wife. If you can't talk to me about this stuff, whom can you talk to? Are you still worried about this? Is that why you won't hold me in your arms at night anymore? Is that why you don't kiss me or touch me except in the most perfunctory ways?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about. Look, I have to get dressed for work." Guilt ran hot and heavy at hearing Abbey put a voice on her pain. He'd never meant for his fears to hurt her or punish her in any way. 

"Honey." She laid a hand on his arm to stop him from pulling his dresser drawer open. "It happens. You didn't have any feeling the night we were making love on the couch. It's coming back now, that will change. We can try..." The look on his face stopped her in mid-sentence and her voice softened with tenderness. "Are you afraid to try again?" 

"Am I not scratching your itch? Is that what all this about?" He was immediately ashamed at the hurt he saw cross her face. Dammit, he was really screwing this up. 

"No, Jed," she said tightly. "This isn't about scratching an itch. This is about us dealing with a problem together, as a couple. There is no reason for you to be ashamed. God, you had to wait over six months before we could make love again when I was pregnant with the twins and recovering from their birth. This isn't any different than that." 

"Yes, it is, Abbey." 

"How? How is it different?" 

"You were still CAPABLE of making love. It was just too dangerous to your pregnancy for us to do it and then you needed to heal afterwards." 

"Do you know you're not capable? We haven't tried anything since you started getting feeling back. Have you tried?" 

Jed shrugged. "The doctor said I should experiment with myself." 

"So have you?" 

He shook his head negatively, miserably. 

"Baby," Abbey pulled him to the bed and they sat. "You push yourself so hard. You have to give yourself a break, give yourself time to regroup and heal. I know I've said this before but this time you have to listen to me. You can't expect everything to just snap back to normal and yet I know that is EXACTLY what you expect. You can't rush this. You can't force your body to work the way that you want it to. You have to let nature take its course. Then, if things still aren't working right you saw all the options that we have." 

"I don't want to talk about Viagra and penile rings and pumps." He was sulking now. 

"What do you want?" 

"I just want to have a normal hard on again, normal sex again." 

"Well, I dunno," she nudged his shoulder with her forehead. "That penile ring sounds a little kinky to me. Could be fun." 

Brought out of his mood by her teasing, Jed laughed and rested a hand on her thigh. Abbey was being such a good sport about things; it made him feel like a heel. 

"That Levitra drug that's on the list," he said. "Is that the pill you take that you're supposed to call your doctor if you get an erection lasting over four hours?" 

"I believe that's the one." 

"Well, which doctor would I call with that problem?" 

"Honey, if you get a four hour erection I better be the ONLY doctor that you call." 

Jed's bark of laughter filled the room. 

**** 

"I want a unicorn on my birfday cake, Mommy." With her two small hands wrapped around her plastic cup of milk, Aislinn carefully set it down and watched her mother writing on a pad of paper while sipping from her own mug of coffee. "A purple unicorn." 

"Okay, got it, a purple unicorn for you, Ash. What about you, Nick? What do you want on your birthday cake?" 

"Um..." Nicholas thought for a moment and took a bite of his banana bread. Neither child thought it strange that they each got a cake. From the time of their first birthday, Abbey had been very careful to make sure that their individual needs were met and that they weren't always lumped together as one – the twins. 

"I want dinosaurs." 

"Dinosaurs, huh? Any special kind? Brontosaurus? Velociraptor? T-Rex–" 

"T- Rex! No wait...I wanna a dragon. Can I have a dragon?" 

"You may have whatever you want. So, let's see, I'm going to scratch off the dinosaur and go with a dragon." 

"A red, FIRE breathing dragon," he said dramatically, his little boy eyes lighting with enthusiasm, "with scary eyes." 

"Okay then, a red fire breathing dragon with scary eyes it is." 

"And a purple unicorn," Aislinn reminded her. 

"Sounds like a fantastical combination to me." 

The kids' eyes widened comically as they watched Jed walk into the kitchen using just a cane rather than his wheelchair. 

"Daddy." Aislinn hopped down from her chair and walked slowly toward him, appraising him. When she reached where he stood, she jammed her little hands into the pockets of her red overalls, cocked her head to the side making her white-blond braids swing and looked up at him with big sea-green eyes. "Your legs aren't tired any more?" 

"No, sunshine," Jed smiled tenderly tweaking one of her braids. "I think they're pretty well rested up now." 

"I TOLD Sean they just needed to rest." 

"Daddy." Nicholas scrambled down from his seat and began peering around his father clearly looking for something. "Where's your 'lectric chair?" 

"I don't need it anymore, buddy." 

"Oh. Can I have it?" 

"Why would you want a wheelchair?" 

"It's FUN. I like to ride in the chair." 

"Well, sorry, kiddo, but I'd much rather be walking around than riding in that chair." 

"Hey Daddy, since your legs are done being tired, you can bowl with us at our birfday." The chair now forgotten, Nicholas was excited to think that his dad would be able to play with him and his friends. 

"Bowling? Is that what we decided on this year for a party?" 

"That's what we decided on, "Abbey said. "When you have your own bowling alley in your house you may as well use it." 

"And we're gonna invite all the kids in our class and we're gonna make our own PIZZAS." 

"Holy Guacamole! Sounds like the party to end all parties." 

"You get to come too," Aislinn told him – just in case he was in doubt. 

"Well, that's a relief. Saves me the trouble of having to crash it." 

"What's 'crash it' mean?" Nicholas asked. 

"It means I would have come even if I hadn't been invited. Jed Bartlet doesn't miss his kids' birthday." 

"Unless there's a crisis," Aislinn said solemnly. Abbey had been over that well with the children so there would be no hard or hurt feelings if something happened to keep their father away. 

"I don't like crisis," Nicholas scowled. 

"Me either," Jed commiserated. "And you're right about not knowing if one will come up or not, but even if that happens I'll just find another time to celebrate your big day with you. We can't let one of the best days of my life go by without a celebration of some sort." 

"How come it's YOUR best day? It's OUR birfday." Nicholas looked perplexed, his brow wrinkling the way Abbey's did when she was confused. 

"That's right, it is. Birthday means the day of your birth – the day both of you joined your mother's life and mine. I have five best days." He sat with the cup of coffee Abbey handed him. "The day your mother and I got married then the days when Elizabeth, Ellie, Zoey and the two of you were born. My best days and my scariest days." 

"You're not scared of ANYTHING, Daddy," Aislinn said, eyes shining with hero worship. 

"That isn't true, little girl. Everyone is scared sometimes. And that's okay. Being scared sometimes just means that you care." 

"Why was it scary?" Nicholas climbed up onto his lap. 

"Because on the day I married your mother I wanted to be the best husband that I could be for her and I was afraid I might not live up to that. And on the day that each of you children were born I wanted to be the best daddy I could be for all of you and I was afraid I might not live up to that." 

Nicholas regarded his father for a moment then a smile broke out over his face. "You don't have to be scared anymore. You are the best daddy." 

Jed pulled the boy forward and kissed his forehead. "Thanks, Nick." 

Abbey stood, paused in front of her husband and children then bent to press her lips to Jed's, murmuring softly as she kissed him. "Nope, no need to be scared." The giggling of the children had her standing back up, hands on hips. "And what are you two giggling like little hyenas about?" 

"You and Daddy are ALWAYS kissing," Aislinn continued to giggle. 

"Yeah," Abbey plucked her daughter off Jed's lap. "Well get used to it, 'cause that's never going to stop." Not now, now that she knew why her husband was running scared. 

**** 

Before her day got underway, Abbey had her monthly therapy session with Sonya, the therapist she was still working with to help her recover from the kidnapping. Family counseling had ended almost a year ago, but Abbey had kept up a monthly meeting with the woman to touch base on how she was continuing to work through things. Today, delving into her therapist's vast knowledge of the human psyche, she brought up Jed's newfound fear of intimacy. 

"I want to help him," Abbey told her, "but whatever I say doesn't seem to be working. I want him to know that it doesn't matter to me whether he can have intercourse or not, I still love him." 

"Of course you still love him, Abbey. But having intercourse IS important and he knows that." 

"It ISN'T," Abbey insisted. "HE'S what's important to me not his damn penis. Our relationship is based on far, far more than sex. It's on a much deeper level than that. I just want to be able to hold him, kiss him, touch him – THAT is intimacy." 

"Yes it is. For a woman it is. For you, cuddling and talking can equal intimacy. Men are a whole other ballgame. To them true intimacy comes through intercourse, being inside a woman. Their entire ego, their manhood if you will, is mostly centered on that appendage between their legs – in their potency. Potency equals strength, power, and masculinity. Losing that cuts to the core of a man's self esteem. I'm not saying it can't come back, but initially it's tough going for them. You need to understand that to understand where he is coming from. Of course your relationship is more than sexual but you can't shove aside the problems you might have in that arena." 

"I understand all that. Believe me I understand about masculinity and how much of it is derived from what goes on between the legs. I'm just trying to get through to him that while he may view it that way, I don't." 

"That's great. But you have to be careful just how you go about trying to get through to him. You are a normal, healthy woman with strong sex drives. You are human – your body craves sexual stimulation – which is as it should be and you shouldn't deny those needs – especially to the man who knows those needs very well. Before this happened you and Jed had a very healthy, active and loving sexual life." 

"Yes," Abbey said quietly, "we had – HAVE a great sex life." 

"Well, by telling Jed that having intercourse with him isn't important to you, you are negating that sexual relationship, diminishing it to nothing." 

"But, Sonya, that isn't what I meant." 

"Okay, then tell me what you meant." 

"I just meant that while of course I would miss having intercourse, Jed is far more important to me than that sexual act. There are a lot of ways that we can be intimate that don't include actual coitus. I thought he understood that New Year's Eve when we were intimate without actually going the whole distance. But then he backed off and closed that part of himself off." 

"Intellectually he knows that there are other ways. He's used them before, but right now he doesn't want to hear that. He's living on hope and yet fearful of that hope. It's important that he is aware of your openness to other ways of lovemaking but don't diminish your prior sexual life or diminish future need for sexual stimulation – and don't lie to him. He'll know you're lying and that will only make things worse." 

What Sonya said made sense. How many times over the years while they made love had she urged Jed inside her body? How many times had she purred to him just how good he felt inside her? How many times had she begged him harder, deeper, faster? She couldn't deny that, SHOULDN'T deny that. She didn't lie to Jed and she wouldn't start now. Lying was lying, even if she was doing it to try to keep from hurting him. And, knowing Jed and his pride, it really would only make things infinitely worse. Sonya was right, the man knew her too damn well not to know when she was lying or keeping something from him. 

"Sexual issues are very significant in terms of enjoying life and the sexual side to a relationship can be very, very important," Sonya continued. "It can make or break some relationships. It has been and is obviously now very important to the two of you. Be honest with him. Let him know that you miss what you had before, but then let him know that if by chance things don't go back to normal it doesn't have to be over – that you're willing and open to being creative in your lovemaking in ways that can still be very satisfying." 

"For me," Abbey said sadly. "What does he get out of it?" 

"Human touch, caresses, sensual pleasure, the knowledge that as a man he can still please the woman he loves. For a lot of men – the unselfish ones – it isn't just the pleasure they get from the sexual act, it's knowing that they've pleased and satisfied their partners that gives them a feeling of power and well being." 

Abbey knew that power and pleasure very well. There had been many times over the years that she had been able to take care of Jed's needs without reciprocity and had received great satisfaction in having been able to do so. The best thing about their sex life was that each derived such satisfaction in bringing pleasure to the other. It wasn't just about bodies, it was about heart and soul and most of all – love. 

"Jed's never been selfish in bed," Abbey said, her mind wandering to New Year's Eve when the only thing on Jed's mind had been bringing her pleasure, bringing her to completion and she knew what Sonya said was true. "We talked about it a bit this morning and I think he's afraid. I think he's afraid to try and fail." 

"That's a very normal response. Failing to achieve an erection is incredibly demoralizing to a man. It makes them feel weak, like they are failures. It shreds their masculinity. Of course Jed doesn't want you to see him that way–" Sonya held up a hand as Abbey opened her mouth to protest. "–I'm not saying you WOULD see him that way, I'm speaking from the perspective of a man in this situation. Speaking as a therapist, I'd say the best thing Jed could do is to experiment with himself. Check out what he does and doesn't feel and how his body responds to touch without the fear of performance anxiety." 

"The doctor suggested that to him as well, but I asked him about it and he said he hasn't tried. He's afraid he might not feel anything and he doesn't want to make the attempt whether I'm there or not." 

Sonya didn't seem surprised. "This is all still new to him and it has to be scary. For a time he was stripped of a lot of things that made him who he is and he's still feeling his way back. Be patient with him. Be honest with him and I think things will just naturally come along. The two of you have a lot going for you. You have a very secure, loving relationship. One that is based on trust and honesty and openness. That's going to go a long way in helping you both get through this." 

**** 

Unwilling to spend one more moment in his dreaded wheelchair, Jed tossed his plans for "Operation Put One Foot in Front of the Other" out the door and instead decided to walk from the Residence to the West Wing. It wasn't his usual brisk pace that kept the Secret Service on their toes trying to keep up, but he was walking. 

Debbie rose as the first agents walked by her desk. "Sir, the senior staff–" She faltered expecting to see the President wheeling by her desk, NOT expecting to see him on his feet walking by. Moved by his slow, deliberate and yet amazing progress, her voice was barely more than an awed whispered "Sir..." 

"Don't go getting mushy on me now, Fiderer." 

Swallowing her emotions, Debbie grinned. "Wouldn't dream of it, sir. Nothing to get mushy about. I was just thinking it's about time you got out of that chair and started getting some exercise again. You can only milk it for so long." 

Jed turned, gave her a knowing grin and winked before entering the Oval. 

Inside the office, heated conversations were taking place over the upcoming State of the Union address. As usual the entrance of the President didn't stop any of the bickering. It usually took Jed speaking – loudly and firmly – to do that. Today, he didn't have to open his mouth. All it took was Josh noticing him out of the corner of his eye entering the room which stopped him in mid-sentence, his jaw gaping. Everyone turned to see what had shut Josh up and watched Jed walk into the room. He was leaning heavily on a cane but it didn't matter, the man was WALKING. 

"Oh my God," Toby's voice, like Debbie's before him, was barely a whisper. 

"Sir...you're walking," Kate breathed, realizing only when the President grinned broadly at her what an asinine thing that was to say. As if he didn't know that he was walking. Admiration shone on her face. President Bartlet was probably intellectually and emotionally the strongest man she'd ever met. When it came to important character traits – strength, perseverance, determination, compassion, intelligence, foresight – well, the President had all those and more. 

"I'll be rid of this soon too," Jed waved the cane in her direction. 

"I don't know, sir," Annabeth said, "you might want to keep it for a prop. It's quite debonair, very Cary Grant." 

"Really? Hmmm.. I'll have to remember that." Jed didn't give the idea a second thought; he'd be ditching the cane first chance he got. 

"You look great, sir," Josh said, his relief quite apparent. He hadn't relished the idea of Jed Bartlet giving his State of the Union from his wheelchair. 

CJ was the only one who hadn't spoken. She was standing silently, overcome with emotion and trying not to cry. Jed saw, and fighting the waves of emotion himself, he gave her arm a gentle squeeze, their eyes catching for just a moment as he passed by her to get to his desk. 

"Okay," the husky hitch to Jed's voice belied the controlled entrance he'd just made. So many feelings ran through him right now – pride and relief – the feeling that the world now tilted correctly again on its axis and that he was back on stride. Clearing his throat he spoke again, this time stronger and more clearly – pure authority. "What's next?" 


	42. Altered Lives

Sitting on the weight bench, having done his requisite upper body work, Jed was trying very hard to raise his leg. It was agonizing, both difficult and painful. Weights had been strapped around his ankle and his weakened left leg still fought the resistance. Groaning, he leaned back and tried again to lift. 

"Nope, you're not getting away with that." Ken got behind Jed and pushed him back up until he was sitting straight, then remained there in case he tried to lean back again. "No leaning back. You're only allowed to use your calf, thigh and buttock to lift." 

"You're a sadist, Ken, you know that." Jed swiped an arm across the sweat that beaded his forehead and trickled down his cheeks. "Enjoying torturing people is a strange quirk of personality." 

"Yes, sir. It's more enjoyable to do to some than others." 

"Did you just diss me?" 

Knowing full well all of Jed's many evasive tactics, Ken refused to be sucked into a conversation. "Just lift, sir. Come on, only five more to go." 

Jed groaned again and strained the muscles in his leg trying to lift it straight out in front of him. "Wassamatter," he panted, "you in a hurry? Got a hot date?" 

Ken grinned. "Yup. I have my five year old son for the weekend." 

"I didn't know you have a son. Didn't I ask you about your family on your first day working with me?" 

"You asked me if I was married. I'm not anymore. I guess you assumed that meant I didn't have kids." 

Chagrined, Jed realized that he was probably right. He still equated marriage with children. 

"I only have Mikey on the weekends." 

"That's got to be rough." 

"It is. It's hard to be a weekend dad, especially when my son spends his whole week with his stepfather. It's hard not to feel jealousy, you know? To know that some other man is getting those moments that should be yours. That's it, sir, that's the way I want you doing leg lifts." 

Jed tried to imagine it for a moment, Abbey raising their children with another man; his own influence reduced to weekends. He shuddered. It didn't bear contemplation. He'd done the weekend dad thing while he was in Congress and it really was hard not to be there for the day to day things; but it was far different when you were still married, still part of a loving partnership. Thankfully he'd only had to do it for certain months out of the year. 

"I feel for you, Ken. That's got to hurt." 

"It does, sir, very much. But, I try to make the weekends as special as I can. I try to devote every moment to Mikey." 

With the wheels turning quickly in Jed's head, he paused in the next leg lift to turn to Ken. "I know something pretty special you can give him. How would you like to bring Mikey to a party at the White House?" 

Visions of men in tuxedos and women in evening gowns had Ken frowning with confusion. "Sir?" 

"A kids party, Ken," Jed grinned. "My kids are celebrating their birthday on Saturday. They're having some friends from their pre-school over and they'll be doing some bowling and making their own pizzas and Abbey is having some kind of obstacle course put up in the State Dining room. And as a surprise she has some group called 'The Giggles' coming to perform for them." 

"'The Wiggles'." 

"What?" 

"The group is called 'The Wiggles' and Mikey loves them. Are you sure it would be okay?" 

"Of course it will be. The more the merrier. They're all about the same age. And, it will be a great memory for Mikey – the day his dad took him to a party at the White House. Not many kids can say that." Jed gave the therapist a long knowing look. Ken grinned in acknowledgement. This was something Mikey's dad could give him that his step-dad couldn't. Jed Bartlet really DID understand. 

"No, they can't. I appreciate the invitation, sir, and I'll gladly take you up on it. Now come on, two more leg lifts to go." 

"Have you ever heard of something called _quid pro quo_?" Jed grumbled. 

"I'm in physical therapy, not politics. No _quid pro quo_." 

"Sadist." 

**** 

"Amy, I'm not going back to the office. I think I'll go over this stuff back in the Residence." 

"I hear you, ma'am," Amy said sympathetically. "Let me know if you see an advance copy of the State of the Union before I do. I'm interested to see what play violence against women and children gets." 

"It'll be there, Amy." Abbey said shortly, wincing at the cramp that clenched her lower belly. "Sorry, I'm just not fit company right now. I'll see you tomorrow." 

Amy grinned in commiseration. "See you tomorrow." 

A couple of Midol, a nice warm bath, some loose fitting clothes and a heating pad had Abbey feeling somewhat more human – 'somewhat' being the operative word. Her mood was not helped by the testimonials she was going over – testimonials from people who had lost family members to stalkers. Fingers pressed to the dull ache behind her temple, she barely glanced up when Jed entered the room. 

"I didn't expect to see you here," he said. 

"I didn't expect to be here," she said, still not looking up from the file she was reading. 

"I guess you heard that I didn't come back here for my break at lunch." He refused to call it a nap; he was not a child. 

"I heard." 

"You want to just yell at me and get it over with?" 

Abbey slammed the file against her thighs and whipped her reading glasses off. "You know, amazingly enough not EVERYTHING has to do with you," she snapped. 

Jed stopped in his tracks. "Well, you're in a good mood, aren't you?" 

Abbey gave a deep sigh and set her file aside. "Sorry, just ignore me, I'm feeling rather bitchy." 

Seeing the heating pad that lay over her belly, he nodded knowingly. "Ah, THAT kind of bitchy." 

"Yep, that kind of bitchy." 

"I have something that might make you feel better." He held folder out to her. 

"The State of the Union?" 

"First draft. Want to go over it with me?" 

"Can you give me a few minutes? I just want to finish reading the last of these testimonials." 

"Yeah, I need a shower anyway." He immediately began to undress. "What testimonials are you reading?" he asked. 

"Some are from the families of people who were killed by stalkers and the others are from people who were the victims of stalkers. Did you know that one in twelve women in America will be the object of a stalker in their lifetime? On college campuses that goes even higher to a one in six ratio. It's so damn frustrating. With the laws being what they are right now, the hands of the police are really tied. It's so hard to prove. The women in these testimonials knew they were being stalked – they were terrified – and yet there really wasn't much they could do to protect themselves, or much that the police could do for them. God," she rubbed her eyes. "I know that terror, that feeling of being hunted, of not feeling safe anywhere. And I had the whole damned Secret Service to protect me." 

Jed stopped, kicked his pants aside and sat next to her on the bed in his boxers, his hand raising to rest on her cheek. "You okay?" He'd been afraid that delving deeply into this cause would stir up all kinds of dormant feelings in Abbey. 

She leaned into his hand, rubbing like a kitten, starved for his touch. "I'm okay. I knew what I was getting into when I took this on." 

"I'm here if you need to talk." 

"I'm okay, really. Go take your shower. I want to get into that State of the Union." 

"Yes, ma'am." He kissed her forehead and rose. 

Less than a half-hour later, dressed in a pair of navy blue sweats and a gray T-shirt, his hair still wet from the shower, Jed returned from the kitchen with a steaming mug. 

"Is that what I think it is?" she asked. 

"One hot buttered rum to ease your cramps and–" he whipped a Snickers bar out from behind his back, "–chocolate to ease your mood. Sorry, didn't have time for Harry and David's." 

Abbey laughed, reaching out for both the mug and the candy. "Snickers is fine. Is that from your stash?" 

"What makes you think I have a stash?" 

"Three decades of marriage." She ripped the paper and took a big bite of the chocolate and caramel washing it down with a sip of the hot toddy. The warmth of the rum spread throughout her belly warming and dulling any remnants of the aching pain that had plagued her throughout the day. 

Jed handed her the speech and stretched out beside her on the bed. He understood her look of surprise given their exchange the other day when she'd confronted him on his reluctance to show her any intimate affection. But this was different, she was feeling miserable and he could help fix that. Fixing things was what he did best. It was a role he both relished and was exceedingly comfortable with – certainly more so than being taken care of the way that Abbey'd had to take care of him for the past month or so. While she read aloud, he removed the heating pad and began rubbing her belly in gentle, soothing circles just the way she liked it. Before long she was relaxed and pain free and basking in the warmth of camaraderie, a warmth that had been missing for the past month. She loved these kinds of exchanges with her husband, debating issues and working together toward a common goal. With red pen in hand, she jotted notes in the margins from ideas Jed threw at her, changed a few words or phrases, and was quite pleased to see the significant place and strong words that passing The Violence Against Women and Children's Act elicited in a speech that would be a bit shorter this year than usual thanks to the time constraints on Jed's ability to stand for long periods of time. 

"Well, what do you think?" he asked when she finished the segment on the VAWACA. 

"I think when you said it wouldn't only get lip service in the speech, you were understating things. That section was phenomenal." 

"Toby did a great job." 

"Yes, he did. But I see some Jed Bartlet passionate outrage in here as well. You made your point with him and he took the ball and ran." 

"That he did. You know, I was thinking about the invitees and I added another person to the list." 

For every State of the Union, the President invited citizens to sit with the First Lady. These were usually people who highlighted accomplishments of the administration or future goals or whom had been particularly heroic. Each person would be introduced to the country by the President. 

"Anyone I know?" Abbey held out her candy bar letting Jed have a bite. 

"Deanna Mitchell." 

Touched and surprised, Abbey leaned back against the pillows regarding Jed where he lay below her propped on his elbow, his hand still covering her uterus while he munched on the chocolate. 

"I'm amazed. You actually got the name right." 

"Don't give me too much credit, I had to double check with Amy. You were so impressed with her after your meeting and with what she accomplished in Michigan to give them the strongest anti-stalking laws in the country that I had Josh check into it even further. Since we want to adopt some of those measures in the federal bill, it would be a great way to highlight that." 

She smiled and pushed back a wayward lock of bronze hair off his forehead. "I think it's great, Jed. It'll give the measure some high visibility." 

"No lip service." He grabbed her hand kissing her fingertips. She smiled back. 

"No lip service." 

"Mommy, Daddy, c'n we come in!" Hard knocks on the door accompanied the shouts. 

"Entrez," Abbey called out. 

The children tumbled through the door with Max and Panda at their heels. They were still in their winter jackets, their cheeks rosy from being out of doors. 

"Where have you two been?" Jed asked. 

"Izzy took us down to play with Sugar and Spice and then we played outside," Aislinn said. "It snowed last night." 

Nicholas unzipped his coat and dropped it on the floor. "We tried to make a snowman but we didn't have enough snow to make a big one. We have LOTS more snow at home. We had to make a baby one here." Jed grinned at the scowl of disgust on Nicky's face. The boy might have been born in D.C. but New Hampshire was in his blood. 

"Nicholas, pick up your coat and put it on the chair." Abbey's instruction was automatic. 

"Daddy's pants are on the floor," Nicholas said. 

"Yes, they are, and two wrongs don't make a right. Your father will be taking care of his pants." 

"Why's Daddy rubbing your tummy, Mommy?" Aislinn asked. "Do you have bellyache?" 

Abbey looked down with surprise. Jed's hand had been massaging her for so long she'd forgotten it was there. "As a matter of fact I do." 

Nicholas cast her a wary glance after throwing his coat on a chair. "Are you gonna frow up?" He hated throw up. 

"No," Abbey smiled. "It's not that kind of bellyache. Now, why don't the two of you run into the bathroom and wash up for supper. Since we're all home tonight, I think I'll order supper to be served upstairs in the solarium." 

Jed watched the kids scamper off to the master bath then tugged the waistband of Abbey's sweats down just far enough so that he could press a kiss to where she hurt. 

"All better?" he asked. 

Abbey wasn't sure he really knew just how much tonight had meant to her. This was the kind of closeness and intimacy that she'd been missing and she was gratified to note that he'd been listening to her even when she thought he was shutting her out – and that he was making an effort to move past his fears. 

"All better," she agreed. 

"Then I better go supervise clean up. The last time they were in there alone, they flushed my razor down the toilet." 

**** 

"Mr. Speaker, the President of the United States." 

It never got old for Abbey. This was Jed's seventh State of the Union – second to the last – and yet as she rose to her feet from her seat in the galley to applaud him, she still felt a shiver of amazement that it was her Jed to whom they were referring. An aching pride that this was her man walking down the cheering aisle shaking hands on his way to the podium. Tonight that pride in him was magnified and yet tempered with unease. Jed hadn't been back on his feet all that long. The doctors felt cutting the speech from its usual hour to about forty minutes would be fine for him at this point, but Abbey was still worried. Not wanting to tax him any further, they hadn't tested the point, so no one knew for sure what forty minutes on his feet – forty minutes that would undoubtedly be made longer by cheering – would do to Jed. What if he got dizzy? What if his legs gave out? She couldn't even imagine the horror of Jed falling on his face in front of the joint session of Congress – and the entire country. That awful moment in the bathroom in China when he'd done just that still gave her nightmares. 

Seeing the tightness on her face, Ellie leaned over and whispered, "He looks great, Mom. He'll be fine." 

Abbey took her hand, forced a smile. "I know. I'm a worrywart." 

Zoey took her other hand and the three sat. The fact that the last time both girls were with her at a State of the Union Abbey had gone into labor and delivered the twins was not lost on her. No matter what day their birthday fell on, she would never be able to watch a State of the Union without remembering the night of her children's birth. This year it just so happened that their birthday did fall on the night of the State of the Union, however, they wouldn't be celebrating it until the party planned for the weekend. Instead, still wanting to mark the occasion, the White House chef had prepared each child their favorite suppers. For Nicholas that had been fried chicken and for Aislinn – macaroni and cheese. Jed had watched them eat their meals with longing, all the while grumbling about the new macrobiotic diet Abbey had put him on. 

To show solidarity, Abbey, too, had dined on the brown rice and steamed vegetable supper, but as Jed pointed out to her – in a rather snarky way – she was used to eating gerbil and rabbit food. Ignoring his complaints, she'd made him drink a protein shake before they left for the address – a shake, which he had complained, tasted like cardboard shit. When he'd last eaten cardboard shit, she didn't know, but she wasn't going to argue the point. She got him to drink it and that was all that mattered. 

"Mr. Speaker, Vice President Russell, members of Congress, fellow citizens–" 

The clear strong voice of the President filled the chamber and suddenly all thoughts of previous State of the Unions, of the birth of her children, fled from Abbey's mind and she was focused solely on the great man who stood before her, his voice resonating with power and passion, with empathy and concern, a man she had the great fortune to call husband. 

When the speech was over, Abbey waited anxiously in the limo with the girls for Jed to join them. Most State of the Union nights she had her own car and driver so she could be whisked back to the White House to change her outfit for the party she would begin hosting afterwards. A party that often went on into the wee hours of the morning. Tonight was an exception to the rule. There would be no all night party for Jed. He would make a brief appearance, thank everybody for all his or her hard work and be off to bed to recuperate from what she knew had been a stressful night, physically and emotionally. He hadn't come right out and told her his fears about what might happen during the speech – that wasn't Jed's way. But from the little things that he'd allowed to slip, she gleaned that his edginess about the evening was as strong if not stronger than hers. 

The door to the limo opened and they all heard Jed laughing and joking as he stepped into the car. But as soon as the door shut and it was just family, he allowed his head to fall back wearily against the seat. 

"I did it, Boo Boo," he said in a voice laced with fatigue. 

"Yes, you sure did," Abbey rubbed a hand over his forearm. "You were magnificent up there, Jed." 

"Really amazing, Dad," Zoey said from where she sat across from her parents. 

Jed opened his eyes and grinned at Zoey. "Glad you liked it. What about your sister? She go home?" 

"Yeah, she had to be at work early tomorrow morning and you know she hates parties." 

As if she knew they were speaking about her, Abbey's cell phone went off in her purse. The ringtone was from _St. Elsewhere_ , one of Abbey's very favorite television shows. It also meant it was Ellie, her daughter the doctor calling. Zoey's ringtone was the theme from _Cheers_. The sitcom had started the year that Zoey was born and while Abbey was not an avid TV viewer, she had gotten hooked on the antics of Sam and Diane during her maternity leave and would often nurse and rock Zoey during the show. Zoey's first smile had come mimicking her mother's laughter at a sarcastic swipe Carla took at Diane. 

Elizabeth's tone was not from a television show, but instead a movie, the theme from _The Sound of Music_. Elizabeth assumed it was because the movie was one of her favorites as child, but really Abbey had chosen it for another reason entirely. After making love with Jed for the first time in the hayloft of his grandparent's barn on Easter Sunday, they had returned to the farmhouse to watch _The Sound of Music_ with his family. They hadn't known then that while they watched TV, Jed's arm over her shoulders holding her close, his spermatozoa were making their way through Abbey's reproductive organs into her fallopian tubes coming smack dab into a head on collision with the egg that, once fertilized by one determined little Jed-sperm, would become their daughter Elizabeth. She wasn't sure her eldest daughter would be pleased to know that her ringtone reminded her mother of the day she lost her virginity and created a child. 

"Hello," Abbey answered. "Yes, sweetheart, he's right here." Abbey held the phone out to Jed since he rarely carried a cell. "It's for you." 

Jed took the phone and with a smile of pleasure, Abbey watched him converse with Ellie, pleased to see some of the fatigue fade from his face. They spoke for a few minutes and he was still grinning when he hung up. 

Jed was always pleased when his girls voiced their approval over his speeches, but Ellie was a tougher sell than Zoey. Affectionately, his gaze fell on his slender copper haired daughter and he gave her a wink. He could have stood up there at that podium sputtering gibberish and Zoey, his fiercest, most loyal champion would have loved it and fought off anyone who said he was anything less than brilliant. But there was something to be said about impressing those like Ellie that were not even all that interested in politics. 

"She liked the speech," Jed said, "especially liked that we weren't backing down on stem cell research." 

"I had a feeling she'd like that part," Abbey said. 

"Ellie is rather single minded," Zoey turned to her mother. 

"She's focused," Abbey said. 

"Too much so at times if you ask me." Seeing both her parents about to respond she held a hand up. "Now don't you both go getting your knickers in an uproar. I love Ellie to pieces but you know exactly what I mean. I've heard you give her the 'all work and no play' spiel. You've both worried about her hermit-like tendencies." 

"I don't believe we've ever referred to her as a hermit," Abbey said. 

"Well, she's not anymore. Sam has broadened her horizons, brought her back out into the big old world. Haven't you both noticed?" 

Abbey's lips twitched with amusement as she looked at Jed. "We've noticed," she admitted. 

"Well then, there you go." 

"There you go," Jed agreed with the same toss of head Zoey had given. A move that had Abbey and Zoey both laughing as the limo halted in front of the north portico of the White House. 

The mood inside was exultant. After weeks of worrying if the President would even be up to giving a State of the Union, let alone doing it on his feet, it was over and had been a complete success. Members of the staff were milling about, drinks in hand patting each other on the back nearly giddy with relief and pride in their leader. 

"If anyone around the world had any doubts about the President's strength or capabilities he wiped them all away tonight," CJ said to Abbey. "He was incredible up there, a force of nature." 

"That's Jed," Abbey lifted the glass of wine to her lips watching as Jed gregariously made his rounds. 

"It's so good to see him back to normal." 

Abbey's face tightened. "He's not back to normal, CJ. He's made tremendous progress but he's not 100% yet and once he does get there, if he does, he's going to need some modifications to stay there." 

CJ met Abbey's level gaze with her own, the warning quite clear. "I understand, ma'am." 

Abbey nodded. "I just hope that he does." 

True to her word, Abbey allowed Jed his half hour to bask in the glowing reviews from his staff then unobtrusively slipped a hand over the small of his back letting him know that it was time to head back to the Residence. About to protest, Jed read the firm set to his wife's face and made his good-byes. 

Once back in the bedroom, Jed was glad that he hadn't protested. The high that he got off these kinds of nights was definitely gone and he was fading very quickly. Exhausted, he didn't even bother with a shower, simply stripped down to his boxers and threw on a clean Tee before flopping down on the bed. Knowing the muscles in his left leg would be aching, Abbey rubbed Icy/Hot between her palms then sat beside him eliciting a groan of pleasure when she began deeply massaging his thigh. Right from the start, she could feel the quivering of his overstrained muscles. 

"We pushed it tonight, Jed," she said. 

"Yeah," he groaned again. 

"You're going to have to take it easy for a few days to make up for this." 

"No NASCAR with you tomorrow." 

She shook her head a smirk touching her lips. "I'm sure you're devastated beyond measure about that." 

"You know it, babe." 

"I think we can wait and see what the doctor has to say." 

"Spoilsport," he said on a yawn. 

"You may still luck out." 

Within a few minutes, while Abbey was still massaging his leg, Jed fell asleep. Gently she pulled the blankets up to cover him, kissed his forehead and made her way to the bathroom. Starting the water, she dropped a capful of lavender milk bubble bath under the running water then went to her shelf of unread books, browsed a bit and picked one to read. After pouring herself a glass of Merlot, she made her way back to the bathroom, twisted her long hair up into a clip then took off her clothes to slide into the warm silky water, giving a groan of pleasure much as Jed had earlier. Relaxing back, she sipped her wine and opened her book. 

By the time she finished with her bubble bath, had smoothed moisturizing cream into her skin and slipped into a nightgown, she found that she was hungry. It had been a long time since she'd shared that macrobiotic supper with Jed and nerves had kept her from eating much of that. They hadn't been at the party long enough to get a plate of _hors d'oevres_ , so now she slipped into her bathrobe and headed to the kitchen for a midnight snack. 

Jed woke finding himself alone in bed at one a.m. When he didn't see Abbey anywhere in the room or a light in the bathroom, his first thought was that something was wrong with one of the kids. Having slept for a couple of hours, his fatigue was nothing compared to what it had been and he climbed out of bed to check things out. He was still belting his robe when he stepped out of the bedroom. 

"Hey guys," he said to the agents on duty. "Seen my wife?" 

"Kitchen, Sir." 

"Thanks." He padded off barefoot toward the darkened kitchen. Abbey never heard him enter the room. She was headfirst into the refrigerator – her rear tempting him in ways he did not want yet to be tempted. He flicked the light switch on and she whipped around a chicken drumstick held to her mouth, eyes comically wide with surprise. 

"Well, well, well," he crossed his arms over his chest. "Now isn't this a fine kettle of fish." 

Abbey swallowed the bite of chicken. "I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Don't you now? What happened to 'Jed, I'm more than prepared to follow this diet with you. It's healthy and filling.'?" 

"It is." 

"And has you sneaking out in the wee hours of the night to snack on fried chicken." 

Abbey shrugged and looked back in the fridge pulling out a Tupperware container. "You want to argue about this all night or are you hungry too?" 

"Depends. What have you got there?" 

"Fried chicken and macaroni and cheese." 

"Ahh, a veritable feast." Jed's stomach rumbled with excitement as he moved to pull a plate for himself from the cupboard while Abbey heated the macaroni and cheese in the microwave. "You're really going to let me eat this stuff?" 

"One night isn't going to kill either of us. But tomorrow it's back to healthy eating." 

"Hell, I'll say anything to get one of those drumsticks." 

Abbey handed him the platter and he took a piece along with a big spoonful of the heated macaroni and cheese then sat at the table. After pouring them each tall icy glasses of milk, Abbey joined him with her own plate. 

"Oh man, this is so good," Jed sighed. 

"You can thank Aislinn for the macaroni and cheese, Nicholas picked the fried chicken." 

"I salute them both." He lifted his drumstick. "To Nicholas and Aislinn." 

Chuckling Abbey touched her drumstick to his. "To Nicholas and Aislinn." 


	43. Altered Lives

The morning after the State of the Union Jed was undergoing a quick precautionary physical check in the Oval Office. Abbey sat reading a book while the new young naval doctor checked her husband over. 

"Your balance is fine," the doctor said. "Any numbness? Pain?" 

"Physical or existential?" Jed quipped. 

"Any chance of giving me a straight answer?" 

"Good luck with that." Abbey didn't look up from the book when she spoke. Jed had been making his usual smartass remarks from the start of the exam. 

"Nada, spiritual or otherwise." Jed's attention turned to his wife. Abbey had no interest or desire to go to the car race that he was supposed to attend today and yet she was willing to suck it up for the administration and go in his place. "You don't have to go," he told her, rather pleased with himself for giving her an out, yet knowing she would never back out when it came to doing her duty as his First Lady. 

Abbey set her book aside. "If I don't show, they'll think we're northeast Yankee elitists." The Bartlets had always had an image problem in the south. 

"And be correct." 

"You could make the occasional effort." 

Jed had about as much interest in attending the race as she did. He'd been to a stockcar race before at the Loudon Speedway in New Hampshire when he was governor, and once had been more than enough. It had been like pulling teeth for his staff to convince him to attend another, so Abbey was quite sure it would be no hardship on his part to have to sit this one out. 

"Five hundred laps around an oval. An entire sport predicated on the expectation of the Grand Guignol." 

"Guignol, guignol," Abbey corrected his pronunciation with a hard "G". In spite of the fact that Jed spoke four foreign languages, HER French was far superior to his, and something she rarely let him forget. "If you're going to brag about your intellectual _hauteur_ at least get your fancy references right." 

She did happen to agree with him though. It was rather morbid to think that thousands of people were sitting waiting with anticipation for the excitement of a high-speed crash. Then again it wasn't that much different from the thousands of hockey fans who looked forward to a good fight – the bloodier the better. Something she was about to bring to the attention of her hockey-loving hubby. 

"'Grand Guignol' – connoting the sanguinary buckets of blood like hockey." 

"Leave my Bruins out of this," Jed protested. 

"Martinsville Speedway," the doctor said handing Abbey Jed's chart for her to peruse. "You're in for a treat." 

"You see," Abbey said, eyeing the young man, then the chart. "There ARE actual people with most of their teeth that are NASCAR fans." 

"You really a doctor?" Jed questioned. "I didn't get a close look at your credentials." 

"First in my class – University of Daytona." 

Jed grinned. He liked this guy. He liked people who were able to give it back to him – suck ups were a bore. "Oh, now who's with the not so straight answers." 

"He prefers to be the amusing one. Fun for the rest of us," Abbey looked up from the chart at the doctor. "So, is he well enough to join me?" 

"Pressure and vitals are fine but I'd rather he didn't push himself after last night." 

"Dang." 

Abbey's eyes narrowed at her husband's sarcastic response. If it were a damn hockey game he'd be FIGHTING to go. "He put you up to this," she said to the doctor who wisely put his head down and walked away not about to be caught in the middle between the President and First Lady. 

"Enjoy the Grand Guignol," Jed smiled and bussed Abbey's lips with his own, quickly sending her out the door before the doctor could change his mind. Abbey was still shaking her head when she left the Oval to head over to the East Wing. She'd been bamboozled. 

**** 

Back in her own office, Abbey was just finishing up a few last minute things when a tiny, perky blonde entered the room. Abbey had met Annabeth Schott when she'd first been hired as the new press secretary and her first thought had been that there was finally somebody working in the White House that was smaller than she was. Barefoot Annabeth did not quite hit five feet, while Abbey stood proudly a full three inches over the five foot marker – without the high heels that put her at closer to 5"7', of course. 

"So, are you the one that's going to teach me proper speedway decorum?" Abbey asked. 

"How to make friends and influence yokels. Yes, ma'am." 

"Ah ah...now if I'd made a crack like that you'd think me a terrible snob." 

Annabeth grinned widely, acknowledging the statement. The class, elegance, and well known intelligence of Abigail Bartlet left her wide open for undeserved accusations of snobbery – especially south of the Mason-Dixon line where her eastern, blue-blood, Harvard educated, D.A.R. background was viewed with suspicion. "What did you turn down to make room for Martinsville?" 

"An N.I.H. symposium on molecular structure and bio imaging. Not a lot of NASCAR crossover." 

Annabeth had been informed of the fact that the First Lady had never attended a NASCAR race before, so she started with the basics. "Let's start with the dress code. Jeans and a T-shirt. Oh, and can you borrow the President's leather flight jacket?" 

"You don't find that a tad inappropriate?' 

"Well, there'll be women there in bikinis on lounge chairs in the RV Park. Inappropriate is still a ways off." 

"I was referring to the Commander-in-Chief seal." 

"Mmm...You're right. I guess that could be a problem." 

"You think?" Abbey glanced over her reading glasses with a raised brow. 

Annabeth was undeterred. "I've given this a lot of thought and I know something we can bond over so far as stock cars are concerned." 

"And that would be?" 

"We're both women." 

"Okay?" Abbey's brow creased with confusion, unsure of what exactly that had to do with anything. Annabeth responded to Abbey's questioning and skeptical tone. 

"Women make up 45% of the audience for NASCAR events, more than any other major league sport." 

Abbey sighed. "I wonder why." Annabeth could tell she really didn't and was merely humoring her, but she stuck with it. 

"Well, everyone has their theories but I'm going to tell you plain. It's the drivers. They're a bunch of studs." 

"Mmhmmm?" 

"Well-built hotties running around in tight fitting fire suits." 

"Hotties?" There it was again – that skeptical tone. 

"Hotsy hot hottentot hotties – Ma'am," Annabeth blushed slightly at her enthusiasm in the face of the First Lady's continued coolness but felt better when Abbey laughed. 

"Well, that's all very well and good," Abbey said, "But I don't see how..." 

Annabeth slapped an 8 x 10 glossy photo of a good-looking guy down in front of her. "Oh my," she responded. 

"He'll be there...And him...And this one," Annabeth continued to slap photos down in front of her. 

"The one with the eyes?" Abbey'd always had a thing for sexy eyes and there were none sexier than the bedroom baby blues of her darling hubby. Still, this guy wasn't so bad. 

"He's one of the favorites." 

"I would imagine." 

Annabeth sighed. "You're humoring me," she said. 

"Yes, I am. I'm sorry, I can't help it. It just seems like a silly reason to attend a sporting event. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy watching sports. I played softball and field hockey. I've attended Olympic events. I can sing you every stanza of the Notre Dame fight song. I enjoy a nice tight butt in a pair of baseball or football pants with the best of them. But, to be honest, I'd almost rather dance naked on the stage of the Kennedy Center than have to sit under the hot, beating sun for a couple hours watching cars do five hundred laps around an oval." 

"All due respect, ma'am, I bet there are a lot of men attending that race that would prefer to watch you do that naked dance at the Kennedy Center." 

Abbey laughed and took a sip from her water. She couldn't help but like Annabeth. The young woman's good cheer was infectious. "Don't worry. I'll do my best not to embarrass you. I'll put away the bluestocking and bring out the redneck." 

"That's all I can ask for, ma'am." Annabeth shook her hand still smiling. 

**** 

The race was everything Abbey thought it would be. Long, hot, and boring. The heat, the sun beating off the tar of the track, and the fumes from the cars all combined with the noise to give her a rip-roaring headache. Jed was going to owe her big time for this. She thought longingly of the book that sat in her tote bag but figured it might be considered a major faux pas to be caught reading in the middle of what some people obviously thought was an enthralling race. Damn, the things she had to go through for her country! 

Finally, the crowd grew louder, the cheers reached a crescendo and Abbey was told they had a winner. The name of that winner meant nothing to her but it seemed like the fans were happy. They were still cheering madly as she made her way to the podium where she would give the winner his trophy. She did so, and in the process got more than she bargained for. Thinking she'd get a handshake or a quick peck to the cheek, she was totally taken off guard when the young man flung his arms around her pulling her into a giant bear hug then proceeded to press his lips hungrily to hers. Momentarily stunned, Abbey froze; but when his lips pressed harder as if to open hers, she stiffened and backed away, eyes blinking with shock behind her sunglasses. Quickly, knowing all eyes were upon her, she regained her composure, smiling and waving to the crowd, while inwardly she seethed. He'd had no right to do that – no matter how excited he was at winning the race. 

"What happened up there?" Amy asked once they were back in the blessedly cool car. 

"He grabbed me. What was I supposed to do? Make a scene?" 

"No, you did the right thing, but I imagine the President isn't going to be very happy." 

"Jed doesn't watch NASCAR races. I think we're safe." 

**** 

"Are you sure you wouldn't like me to tell the President that you're here?" 

Leo glanced up at Debbie from where he sat across from her outside the Oval Office. "No, I'm fine. I don't have an appointment." How strange it was to say that to her. How strange it was to be back in the White House, a place that had become more home to him than home, and yet to no longer have a role. No longer did he have free access to the President. No longer did HE decide who saw and who didn't see the President. That was CJ's job now. He hoped that Jed asking him to come back as a special adviser was not just an act of pity. He wanted to contribute. He needed to work. The truth was that for his entire life work had always come first. He'd always worked long hours and it had been entirely fulfilling – more so than any woman ever had been. He didn't have any hobbies, any outside interests, and his daughter and son-in-law lived on the other side of the country. His work was his life. His co-workers – his family. And for the past five months he'd lost that, had lost a huge part of who he was and he desperately wanted to get that back. It was either come back to work or go absolutely stark raving mad looking at the four walls of his apartment. 

The door to the Oval opened with several people departing not even seeing Leo sitting in the chair against the wall. But the man who followed them out with a question for Debbie DID see him. 

"Leo, what the hell are you doing sitting out here all alone?" Jed asked. 

"Just waiting to see you, sir." Leo smiled. It was good to see Jed on his feet again and back to his old self. 

"So, you're back today?" 

"Yes. I'm not sure what I'll be doing but..." 

"What you've always done. Advising me, helping me not to make a muck of things." 

"It's a dirty job but somebody has to do it." 

"Amen." 

"So, how are Abbey and the kids?" 

"They're great, just great. Abbey's at a NASCAR race today." A wicked grin touched Jed's lips and Leo's eyes widened. 

"Abbey? NASCAR? Oh man, are you going to get payback for that one." 

"Don't be so sure of that." 

Both men turned to see the grinning petite blond. 

"Leo, this is Annabeth, my new press secretary. Annabeth, Leo McGarry. See, I told you I wouldn't forget your name." 

"Only because it's the same as your granddaughter's," Leo said dryly. 

"Oh, now, Leo, you've gone and let the cat out of the bag," Jed held up a finger as if chastising. 

"I already knew that, Mr. President. I'm your press secretary. I'm paid to know that kind of stuff." Annabeth's attention turned to the craggy faced gray haired man standing beside the President. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. McGarry. You're a bit of a legend around here." 

"It's just Leo...and thank you," he shook her hand. 

"Now what did you mean about not being so sure about Abbey being upset about having to go to the NASCAR race?" Jed asked. 

"Well, Mrs. Bartlet and I had a nice long conversation and by the time we finished she was quite eager to go." 

"Abbey? Eager to go to a stockcar race?" Jed snorted. "I find that incredibly hard to believe." 

"Well, there was some talk of preferring to dance naked on the stage at the Kennedy Center, but after I explained a few things, she came around." 

Both men laughed. The Kennedy Center comment was pure Abbey. 

"What exactly did you explain?" 

"About the men, of course." 

"The men?" Jed's brow furrowed. 

"Yes, sir. NASCAR is full of hot men." 

"I'm assuming you're not talking about their temperatures." 

Annabeth giggled. "No, I'm referring to their physiques. Young, hot studs with enough testosterone to...Well, you get my drift." 

"Impossible not to," Jed said, a scowl forming on his face. "I'm assuming you came down here for a reason other than enlightening me to the physical attributes of NASCAR racers." 

Annabeth's grin widened. "Just bringing these over for your perusal." She handed him a manila folder then turned to leave calling out "Ta ta" over her shoulder. 

"She's really something, huh," Leo grinned. 

"Mmm...." But Jed's mind was not on Annabeth, nor the file in his hand. It was on his very lovely wife eagerly heading off for a day spent in the company of hot young studs. "I'm sorry, Leo, but I've got to get back to work." 

"Oh, yes, of course." 

"Why don't you come up the Residence for dinner tonight. Abbey won't be back from Virginia until late – she has a speaking engagement at UVA after Martinsville, so it's just the kids and me. We can do some catching up." 

"I'd like that, sir." 

"Good, good. See you tonight then." Jed turned from Leo, but before he could re-enter the Oval Office his eyes were drawn to the TV that Debbie was staring at. 

"Is that news footage of Abbey at the NASCAR race?" he asked, looking more closely. 

"Um, yes, sir." Debbie had already seen what the President was about to see since CNN had already shown it several times and braced herself for his displeasure. 

"Turn it up." 

Debbie did so, holding her breath. 

"There it is," the commentator said. "The customary victory kiss." Jed watched the winner of the race embrace his wife then plant a kiss right on her lips. A passionate enough kiss that it knocked Abbey's sunglasses askew. She stiffened and pulled back with a look of surprise on her face that was quickly replaced by a smile and a wave to the crowd. "Looks like he caught her by surprise there," the commentator chuckled. "I guess it's easy to get carried away when a beautiful woman is offering her congratulations, even if she is the First Lady." 

Still grinning ear to ear, the race car driver wrapped an arm around Abbey's tiny waist and pulled her to him while still waving to the crowd. Jed's face tightened, his eyes on his wife. Wearing a pair of slim fitting black jeans with a black blouse and a black and gray pin striped short jacket, Abbey looked great – youthful and vibrant. A pair of fashionable sunglasses covered her eyes and her long loose hair, combined with the way she smiled and waved along with the driver, gave her the look of a film star. 

Without a word, Jed left Debbie's office for his own. Not a good sign, Debbie thought, for a quiet Jed Bartlet was far more dangerous than a raging one. It was about half an hour later that she got the surprise terse instructions from the President to have the Surgeon General meet him in the Residence in an hour and that 'No, dammit, he wasn't sick, that the issue was PERSONAL'. 


	44. Altered Lives

"Sir?" Curtis poked his head into the President's Residence study. "The Surgeon General is here." 

"Yes, thanks. Send her in, Curtis." 

Millie entered the President's Residence study unsure of why she had been called. The President, wearing jeans and navy blue hooded Notre Dame sweatshirt, was leaning against the mantle of the fireplace, seemingly lost in thought. 

"Sir? You summoned?" 

"Ah, yes I did." Jed wasn't quite sure where to begin. A part of him was starting to question his decision to bring any of this up with Millie. 

"Weelll....Did you need my help with something?" 

"Yes, I do. But first, can I get you a drink?" He headed for the bar knowing he was only prolonging the inevitable. 

"Just water, please. I have to go back to the office." 

"Well, I don't." And a good thing it was since he was going to need a good stiff one to get through this conversation. 

Millie was puzzled; the President seemed edgy and uncomfortable. 

"Is this about Abbey? She's okay, isn't she?" 

Jed glanced up, having just dropped ice into their glasses and saw the worried look cross Millie's face. 

"Abbey's fine," he assured her. "Driving me crazy, but fine." 

"What do you mean driving you crazy?" 

"Molly coddling me. Watching my every move. Monitoring what I eat. I swear that woman would wrap me in cotton if she could." In spite of the irritation in his voice, he was smiling, but Millie was not. 

"She loves you," she said seriously. 

"Well now, I've never questioned that." 

"No, Jed, you don't know the half of what she went through in China." 

"Of course I do. I was there." 

"No, you weren't." She accepted the goblet of ice water and sipped from it. "Did you ever wonder why you were allowed to stay in that meeting with Li-An until the bitter end?" 

"I guess...I assumed, maybe CJ..." 

Millie shook her head negatively. "CJ wanted me to yank you out of there. She was terrified at what might happen if you pushed it too far. I wanted to get you out of there and I was ready to do it. It was Abbey who said no." 

Jed paused with his glass at his lips. "Abbey?" 

"Yep. Abbey put her foot down. She said that you wanted that meeting and that you would come out when you were ready to come out. She was very firm about it and no one was going to go against her wishes." 

"I never knew. I guess I owe her for that." 

"Yes, you do. She knew how much that meeting meant to you and she put aside every fear she had and gave you what you needed – because she loves you. But she paid a price for that love." 

Jed frowned. "I don't understand." 

"That's because after damn near collapsing with fatigue and dehydration you were pretty much out of it the whole flight home. Abbey wasn't. She was terrified by what had happened, afraid she'd made the wrong decision, second guessing herself and throwing worst case scenarios around. She was a mess, Jed. So, yes, maybe she is molly coddling you, but it's because she's scared and because she loves you." 

Jed nodded, accepting the chastisement as his due and took a long drink from his scotch. "I appreciate you telling me all that, Millie. I never knew there had been a power struggle about that meeting. Abbey never said." 

"No, she wouldn't. But you didn't bring me over here to talk about China. If you're having problems medically, you should probably speak with your specialist. I'm no expert." 

"I don't need an expert. I didn't ask you to come here as a doctor. I asked you to come here as a friend. A while back, before I was President, you and Abbey went to a party." 

"Abbey and I went to a lot of different parties." 

"It was one of those all women parties. You know..." he mumbled. 

"Can you be more specific? We went to candle parties and crystal parties and even a lingerie party." 

"Yeah, it was more like that one. The lingerie party. It was the one where they sold..." he stammered, then finally blurted it out, his face flushing, "where they sold sex stuff." 

"Sex stuff? Oh, you mean the 'Passion Party'." 

"I guess that's what they call it. You wouldn't by chance know any way to order any products now, would you?" 

Millie tried to keep her jaw from dropping. "You mean you want to order sex toys?" 

Jed's face reddened even deeper. He couldn't believe he was having this conversation with his wife's best friend. "I'm thinking about it." 

"Well, if this is part of your Valentine's Day gift to Abbey, I'm sure she's going to love it. I just never pictured you the type to go the toy route." 

"I never thought I'd have to," he said quietly. 

"Oh," Millie sighed, suddenly realizing what the problem was. "You know, Jed, you haven't given yourself all that much time. You're still recovering." 

"I know that, Millie. I just want to cover all my bases. But I can't ask Curtis to go shopping for me and I can't shop like Abbey does on the computer because, God forbid, the press got wind of the President having sex toys delivered to the White House. I need your help. Please." 

Millie's heart went out to him. It was obvious that he was embarrassed and yet he had struggled through the discomfort to ask her for help. 

"I'll tell you what. I have a catalog at home so I'll–" 

"You just happen to have one of those catalogs laying around?" 

"Jed, I've been all alone now for a year and a half now. A woman has needs." She grinned as Jed's face reddened again and he looked down at the floor. He really was quite adorably old fashioned. "Anyway, I'll grab the catalog, bring it here and you and Abbey can go through it, decide what you want and I'll make the order and have it delivered to my apartment." 

Jed sighed with relief. "That would be great. Thank you, Millie. I really appreciate this." 

"What are friends for?" She reached out to give his forearm a quick squeeze of affection then rose, a devilish look sparkling in her eyes. "Tell Abbey I'll rate my favorites with little stars." With that tantalizing little announcement, she turned and left the room leaving Jed to toss back the rest of his drink with one swallow. 

**** 

"It's awfully quiet in here," Leo said as he entered living room of the White House Residence where Jed was seated alone. 

"What? You think chaos reigns when Abbey's not around?" 

Leo turned his head from side to side looking for his friend's rambunctious twins. "I've been around children on sugar highs before." 

"I'll have you know I ordered a perfectly healthy meal up for them and I made sure they ate all the green stuff on their plates." 

"You mean Abbey ordered a healthy meal. You just didn't change the menu." 

"Hey, not changing the menu is a big step for me." 

Leo nodded and grinned. 

"Well," Jed glanced at his watch, it was getting late and he'd promised to tuck the twins in after their bath, "you getting hungry?" 

"Starved." 

Less than fifteen minutes later, they were seated at the formal dining room table, less than enthused by their meals. 

"How's yours?" Jed asked, in a tone that indicated that his own meal left much to be desired. 

"This heart healthy stuff," Leo said ruefully. "I have to keep reminding myself it's good for me." 

Jed eyed Leo's plate. "At least it resembles actual food. Abbey has me on this macrobiotic diet." 

"That does look a little grim," Leo agreed. 

"What I wouldn't give for a burger and fries." 

"Or cream sauce," Leo fantasized. "I'd like to have the occasional light cream sauce without everyone reacting like it's a suicide attempt." 

"What happened, Leo? We were going along just fine and then BAM, we got smacked right down on our asses." 

"That's an eloquent way of putting it." 

"It's how I feel." 

"Yeah," Leo sighed. "Me too. I don't think either of us could have imagined six months ago just how much our lives would be altered right now." 

"I don't like it, Leo," Jed scowled. "I don't like anything about this." 

"Well since I don't either, I guess we have two ways of dealing with it. We can get up off our keesters and take things on the way we are now, or we can have little pity parties and feel sorry for ourselves weeping into our rice. I don't know about you but I'm ready to get on with things. We've got two more years and lot left to accomplish." 

Jed cast him a skeptical look. 

"Hey, aren't you the one who came back from Ireland all fired up to hit these next few years running." 

"That was before." 

"'Before what?" 

"I don't think I need to spell it out." 

"I think maybe you do." 

"Before I ended up face down on a bathroom floor in China!" Jed spat out angrily. "Before I ended up in a wheelchair. Before I ended up having to take naps like a fucking three year old!" 

"My, my, we have been feeling sorry for ourselves, haven't we?" 

Jed's anger deflated, a sheepish smile touching his lips. "I'm sorry, Leo. I didn't mean to take it out on you." 

"Hey, I've been there. Right after the heart attack I thought it was all over for me. Thought I was all washed out at 55. My life playing out bleakly ahead of me. YOU'RE the one that convinced me otherwise – you and Abbey. And now I'm here to do the same for you. You aren't face down on that floor anymore; you aren't in the wheelchair, and yeah, so you take a few catnaps – most normal Presidents have over the years. The point is, even in the midst of the worst relapse you've ever had, you were STILL a force to be reckoned with. You still got everything you wanted in China. You still got Wilkinson's amendment off your budget. If anyone can pull this off, Jed, it's you. Tell me what you have left that you want to accomplish." 

Jed didn't even have to pause to mull that one over. "I want to go get some real deals signed with Korea. I want to pass the Violence Against Women and Children's Act. I want more foreign aid to Africa to stop the spread of AIDS. I want Americorps up and running. I want federal funding for stem cell research whether the Republicans want to call it self-serving or not. I want to pass the assault weapons ban and increase opportunity for the working poor. I want to pass our urban renewal plan and I want affordable health care for all our citizens." 

"Now THAT'S an ambitious agenda." Leo was smiling broadly now. This was the Jed Bartlet he knew, fiery, passionate, brimming with ideas and idealism. 

"It sure as hell is. I'm gonna need a lot of help." 

"What do you think I'm here for? I..." Leo trailed off eyes widening at the sight of a completely naked Nicholas standing in the doorway to the dining room, a dripping plastic submarine in his hand. "I think this is for you," he nodded toward the door. Jed turned, rolling his eyes when he saw his son. 

"Did you take off on Izzy after your bath?" he asked. 

"Yep," Nicholas grinned, oblivious to his nudity as he lifted his arms to his dad. "Can I have some more Oreos?" 

Leo snorted. "Healthy, huh. I knew you better than that." 

"I'll have you know their meal was perfectly healthy. The Oreos were dessert." 

"I LIKE Oreos," Nicholas told Leo. 

"So does your dad," Leo said. 

Nicholas nodded. "Daddy only got to have a couple 'cause Momma has him on a cruddy bio diet." 

"Okay, Nicholas." Jed tapped a finger over the boy's lips. 

"That's what you said, Daddy," Nicholas protested. 

"Well, you don't need to repeat what I say." 

"Better he repeat it to me than to Abbey," Leo quipped. 

"I'm sorry, sir." Isabelle entered the dining room with Aislinn on her hip. The little girl was all wrapped in a fluffy yellow bath towel. "He got away from me while I was rinsing Aislinn's hair." 

Aislinn held her arms out to Jed, pushing away from her nanny with her legs. "Daddy's tucking me in tonight, Izzy," she said. 

"I'm well aware of that, little miss." She transferred the child to her father's free hip so that he held both children. "Do you need any help, sir?" 

"We're all set, Izzy. Go put your feet up. Leo will help me." 

"Me?" Leo nearly yelped. 

"Yep, let's go." 

Jed carried his giggling children down the hall, one under each arm, with an enormous sense of satisfaction. There had been a time that he'd wondered if he'd ever be able to do this again. It was one of those things that before he'd had his relapse he had taken for granted and that now gave him even greater joy. 

Following behind them with the two dogs weaving around his legs, Leo enjoyed watching Jed in his element. He was one of the few men Leo knew that could switch from power talk to potty talk in a heartbeat – and was just as satisfied doing both. Some politicians tried to portray themselves as family men but Jed Bartlet was the real thing. 

Once in the nursery, Leo hung back while Jed went to work. He had each child stand on their bath towels and liberally sprinkled their little bodies with baby powder. Then while they shouted out what they wanted to wear to bed, he dug into their dresser drawers for underpants and pajamas. 

"Can you help Aislinn for me?" Jed asked, tossing Leo the lavender Hello Kitty nightgown his daughter had asked to wear to bed. 

Leo grabbed the gown and regarded the tiny blonde that stood before him in a pair of purple My Little Pony underpants, her hair in wet ringlets. Aislinn lifted her arms and Leo slipped the nightgown over her head. He frowned when the child continued to look at him expectantly with round turquoise eyes. 

"What?" he asked. 

"You're 'posed to comb my hair and do braids or I'll wake up with a rat's nest." 

"Oh, okay." 

"Leo, wait!" Jed stopped his friend just as he was about to run the comb through Aislinn's hair. "You need to use the detangler or she'll scream to the rafters. I'll take over with her now if you want to get help Nicholas pick out his book." 

"She's all yours." Leo gratefully handed Jed the wide toothed comb Aislinn had given him and joined Nicholas at the bookcase. 

Jed grabbed the bottle of detangler off Aislinn's dresser and squirted the strawberry scented spray into her damp hair. Only then did he gently begin to run the comb through her shoulder length curling tresses. He was an old hand at handling snarls and avoiding tears. Once he had her hair combed he parted it in the back and deftly plaited it into two braids. 

"You're a man of many talents," Leo told him with teasing admiration. 

"I'm the father of four daughters. I could braid hair in my sleep." 

"Are you going to read us a book too, Uncle Leo?" Aislinn asked. 

"Sure I'll read one." 

"Goody." Her cheeks dimpled in a smile and she pulled a teddy bear close to her chest. 

"I'd forgotten how good little kids smell," Leo said, sitting on the edge of Aislinn's bed. 

Jed nodded in agreement as he helped Nicholas into bed and inhaled. "Baby powder, Johnson's baby shampoo and Sleepy Sam bubble bath." 

"Sleepy what?" 

"Sleepy Sam. It's supposed to calm the kids and make them sleepy." 

"You're drugging them?" 

"Yeah, Leo, I drug my kids. Get real. It's all natural, uses lavender and chamomile to make them sleepy." 

"Looks like it's working." 

Both Nicholas and Aislinn were lying back in their beds waiting patiently for their stories, their eyes already growing heavy. Once the books were read and prayers were said, each man bent to kiss the children good night, Leo trying to remember what he used to tell Mallory on the few nights that he was home in time to help tuck her in. 

"Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite," he said finally. 

"My mommy says there's no bugs in her house," Nicholas yawned. 

"I imagine not," Leo chuckled. 

**** 

Abbey was exhausted by the time she returned home. It had been a very long day. The first thing she did once she entered the Residence was to throw off her jacket and untuck her blouse. Leaning against the couch, she unzipped the high-heeled leather ankle boots she'd been wearing and padded off in stocking feet toward the nursery. A cursory glance told her that all was well and she went to each bed to offer cool kisses to the forehead, a tender smile curving her lips as she glanced down on each sleeping child. 

Lulled from her dream world by the scent of familiar flowery perfume and the feathery touch of soft lips and silky hair that tickled her cheek, Aislinn – always the more restless sleeper of the two – blinked sleepily. 

"Mama," she mumbled with just hint of a whimper. 

"Sssh..." Abbey turned back around at the sound of her daughter's questioning voice. She bent over the little girl running a gentle hand over her forehead and kissed the tip of her nose. "I'm home. You go back to sleep, angel." 

With a little sigh Aislinn rolled over, wrapped her arms around the stuffed animal closest to her and did just that. Waiting for a little bit to make sure the child had gone back to sleep, Abbey then left and made her way to her own bedroom. 

The drapes were open and Jed stood staring out across what should be a darkened landscape. But it was never dark in downtown Washington D.C. Streetlights glowed, spotlights blazed on the many monuments; floodlights glittered across the Potomac and the windows in the buildings of government often shone deep into the night. He didn't turn around when Abbey entered the room. 

Abbey was used to the quiet, used to the way that Jed retreated within himself to mull over and dissect a problem, but there were still times she wished she could climb inside and see just how his thought processes worked. 

"Jed?" 

His name evoked no response. 

"Jed?" She spoke more loudly. He continued to stare out the window and then she knew. She couldn't believe it, but she knew. "Are you pissed at me?" 

That made him finally turn. "Whatever would I have to be pissed at you about?" 

"I don't know." She was wary, ready for combat. "But I think you better tell me before your head blows off." 

"Did you have fun today...At the race?" 

"Oh, God, please tell me this isn't about that stupid kiss." 

"I don't know how stupid it was, but it was one hell of a kiss." 

Abbey frowned. She couldn't read Jed tonight. There was anger, but it wasn't red hot. She couldn't quite get a handle on his mood. 

"He did get a bit carried away." 

"You think? He practically jammed his tongue down your throat." 

Abbey began unbuttoning her blouse. A jealous Jed she knew and could handle. "He most certainly did NOT stick his tongue down my throat." 

"It wasn't from lack of trying. While you just stood there." 

"Oh for God's sake what was I supposed to do?" She threw her blouse on the bed and stood there in a black lacy bra, pale skin growing flush with anger. "Shove him off me? Slap his face? We were on national TV." 

Jed sighed, deflated. He knew she was right. He was just picking a fight to keep from having to bring up what he'd discussed earlier with Millie. "No, I guess you did the right thing." 

"You guess?" 

"Well, I would have preferred you sticking one of those high heels through his foot but I guess standing there stony faced will have to do." 

Abbey chuckled as she reached behind her back to unclasp her bra. "Did I look stony faced? I think it was shock. He shocked the hell out of me and I just froze." 

"What was he thinking kissing you like that?" 

"He was excited. He'd just won a race. He apologized after." 

"He damn well should have." 

"Well he did." She slid out of her pants and crossed the room in a pair of tiny black satin bikini panties that had matched the discarded bra. At the dresser, she began searching until she found a comfortable old _Save the Whales_ T-shirt and a pair of crimson Harvard sweatshorts that she quickly slipped into. Going back to the bed to retrieve the blouse she'd thrown there, so she could put it in the hamper, her eye caught a magazine that lay beneath it. Unable to believe what she was seeing, she blinked and bent for a closer look. Eyes widening, she lifted it. 

"Jed, what is this?" 

"A catalog," he squirmed, a flush rising up into his face. 

"What are you doing with a _Passion Party_ catalog?" 

Jed swallowed. "I, um...thought maybe we could look through it together...make some purchases." 

"Make some purchases? You do know what's in here, right? It's not just the massage oil and stuff that I bought at the Passion Party I went to before you were President." 

"I'm aware of that, Abbey. I'm hip on this stuff." 

"Really?" She flipped the catalog open perusing the assortment of vibrators on the page. "You want to tell me what the 'Turbo G Glider' is?" 

"Well now, sweetness, I haven't seen that one yet, but I'd assume it would have something to do with gliding to the G-spot." 

"Jed, where did you get this catalog?" 

"Millie. I asked Millie to bring it over." 

"Millie! You called Millie and asked her to bring a sex toy catalog over here?" Abbey was astounded. Jed was not a prude in the least when it came to sex. He'd never blinked an eye when she'd brought home the book on Kama Sutra and had always been willing and eager to try new techniques and new positions, but that was within their marriage, between the two of them. It was hard for her to believe that he'd discussed sex toys with Millie. 

"No, that isn't exactly how I broached the topic. I asked Millie if she still had any catalogs from that sex party you two went to a while back." 

"And she did." It wasn't a question. Abbey was well aware of the fact that Millie had the catalogs since Millie had raved to her a few times about a couple of her acquisitions and had been urging Abbey to try some of the products herself. 

"Yep, she put little stars next to the ones she thought you should try." 

Abbey groaned and sat on the edge of the bed. "You wanna tell me why you went to this trouble?" 

"Because I want to make sure I can please you, Abbey. I know things are supposed to come back, but what if they don't? Or what if it takes months? I have to know that I can take care of all your needs." 

"Jed," she reached out to take his hand and pulled him down beside her. "You do please me, baby. You certainly don't need a vibrator to help you out in that department." 

"I don't want you to get bored. I want to fulfill you in every way. You're a beautiful, vital woman – a passionate woman..." 

"Jed, oh my God," Abbey's eyes widened with horror. "You did this because of the kiss, didn't you? Ohhh... you did, didn't you." 

"No, not BECAUSE of the kiss," he protested. "The kiss just spurred me on. I've been thinking about this for a while now. I want you to be happy in our marriage in every way, and that most certainly includes sexually. I don't ever want you to have to long for something you can't have. I don't want you to feel stuck with what you have, while wishing for something more." 

"There is NOTHING I'd ever wish for more than you. Do you honestly think that I would EVER in a million years turn to another man? Jed, even if you never had another erection again for the rest of our lives I would NEVER look anywhere else. What we share is so much more than just penetration. It's love and lovemaking. It's commitment. It's friendship. It's..." She trailed off tears filling her eyes. "I just can't believe you'd think I'd be that shallow." 

"I don't. I swear, Abbey. Please don't cry. This has nothing to do with me being jealous or thinking you'd cheat on me. I know you better than that. This is about ME. It's about me feeling like less than a man for going on two months now. You have no idea what it was like sitting in that damn chair – weak and helpless – knowing I couldn't protect you, or make love to you or even to stand strong on my feet and dance with you. Dammit, Abbey, you don't know what that DOES to a man!" The despair in his voice, the tears shining brightly in his eyes was Abbey's undoing. Her own tears flooded her eyes and she pulled his head to her chest, burying his cheek against her breasts. 

"Maybe I don't know," she choked. "But I'll tell you what I do know. I don't care if you can protect me, or make love to me, or dance with me. All I want is YOU, Jed. All I've ever wanted since I was nineteen years old is YOU." 

"I know." His voice was barely a whisper and Abbey could feel his hot tears against her chest. "But I can't help the way I feel." 

Abbey pulled back, lifted his chin to look into his pained eyes. "Do you remember a couple of summers ago when I found that lump in my breast?" 

"How could I forget?" It had been one of the most terrifying moments of his life. 

"Do you remember what you told me when I brought up the possibility of a mastectomy and I told you that I was afraid that I wouldn't be the same woman to you? That I wouldn't be as feminine or sexually desirable to you?" 

"Yes." 

"You told me that you didn't care if I had two breasts or no breasts, that all you wanted was ME – alive and healthy. Did you mean that?" 

"Of course I meant that! You're far more important to me than just a pair of breasts." 

"And you're far more important to me than an erect penis." 

He was silent for a long moment then smiled sheepishly. "Well, when you put it like that..." 

"You see exactly how I feel. Now, having said that, I'm not saying that this isn't something you should care about or that it isn't an issue. If I'd had a mastectomy, I would have had reconstruction surgery; and if this is something that you think will help us with OUR sex life and isn't just something you think that I need, then I am more than willing to go through this catalog with you. But you have to swear to me on Notre Dame's fall schedule that this is about jazzing up our sex life and NOT because you are jealous of some NASCAR guy kissing me." 

"Notre Dame?" he hedged. 

"Yes, Notre Dame." 

"You drive a hard bargain, woman," he sighed, "but, yes, I swear." 

"Okay then, let's have a looksee." 

Within moments they were both stretched out on their bellies on the bed engrossed in the offerings of the catalog. 

"The Anal Probe," Jed remarked. "That sounds like something out of the X-Files." 

Abbey giggled and flipped the page. "Oh, now what you think about this one – The King Dong." 

"No way." 

"Why not? It says thirteen inches of full orgasmic delight. I'm all in favor of orgasmic delight." 

"That thing's bigger than me." 

"Your point?" 

"My point is that you aren't getting anything bigger than me." 

"Tell me you aren't going to be jealous of a vibrator." 

"No, I'm telling you that one day it's going to be me back inside you and you are NOT going to be disappointed." 

"Have I ever had any complaints?" 

"Nope and that's why King Dong is out. It's going to be hard enough to compete with all these bells and whistles, rotating heads and twisting beads and three speeds of vibration. Good Lord, who thinks up all this stuff?" 

Abbey laughed. "Probably a woman, for once. Now quit it. You're getting me all hot and bothered." 

"Yeah? Well that was the plan, wasn't it?" 

"You've never needed a vibrator to do that, pumpkin. Oh, look at this glass one. It's actually kind of elegant looking, like an erotic sculpture. And, would you look at that, Millie has it marked with stars. I'll have to dog ear this page." 

And so what Jed had thought would be a difficult and rather depressing shopping spree turned out to be one filled with teasing and laughter and lots of sexy banter that culminated with their choices. He never would have believed that this evening would have ended up being quite so much fun. 


	45. Altered Lives

"See, Mommy, I can do it!" 

Abbey watched with an amused smile as little Aislinn, huffing and puffing with exertion, tugged and pulled her sheets and blankets into place over her bed. The little girl had taken to her new task with gusto. 

"You're doing a fine job," Abbey encouraged. 

"Rosa, I'm FOUR and I make my bed like a BIG girl." Aislinn beamed at the maid who was in the room to gather the twins' laundry. Rosa glanced skeptically at the lumpy bed. 

"I can re-make that later, Mrs. Bartlet," she said. 

Abbey frowned, grateful that Aislinn's head was under the bed as she searched for all the stuffed animals that had fallen aside during the night. 

"Leave it," she said firmly. "And please don't make comments like that again. I don't want you to hurt her feelings. This is a big accomplishment for Aislinn. I certainly don't expect perfection out of a four year old." 

"I found 'cakie'!" Aislinn climbed out from under her bed waving a hand-stitched cloth newborn style doll that she'd had since she was a baby. Jed had commented once that it was "flat as a pancake" and hence the name "cakie" had stuck. While Aislinn continued to arrange her many stuffed animals and dolls in an orderly manner on her bed, bestowing kisses on each forehead before placing them down, Abbey turned her attention to Nicholas. Without his sister's need to adjust all her stuffed animals just so, he had finished his bed long before she had and was now seated on the floor playing with his plastic dinosaurs, oblivious to anything going on around him. He shared Abbey's own ability to concentrate intensely on the task at hand without allowing outside distractions to divert him, a trait that had made her a damn fine surgeon. Aislinn, on the other hand, was more like Jed. Her mind tended to go off in ten different directions at once with the ability to absorb and process it all, a trait that made her father a damn fine politician. 

It took Abbey stepping right up next to Nicholas for him to finally slowly look up at her. "Is it time for the birfday?" He'd been asking all week. 

"Not yet. We still have a little while." 

"But that isn't to say we can't have a little preview." Fresh from his Saturday morning radio address, Jed bounded into the nursery carrying big foil helium balloons that brightly proclaimed "Happy Birthday Nicholas!" and "Happy Birthday Aislinn!" 

"We got B'LOONS!" The kids shrieked and rushed him. 

"They're easy," Jed grinned to Abbey as he handed each child their balloon. "Why did we bother with presents?" 

"You have to have presents on your birfday, Daddy," Nicholas said. Then thinking on it for a moment he turned to Abbey with a worried frown. "Are we gonna get presents, Mommy?" 

"Of course you're going to have presents. Daddy was just teasing you." 

"Me too, Mommy?" 

"Yes, you too, Ash." 

"Daddy, are you done with your radio show?' Nicholas asked. 

"MY radio show, huh? I like the way your mind works, kiddo." He tousled the boy's hair affectionately. "But, yes, I finished my radio address and guess what I saw on the way back over here?" 

"A dinosaur?" 

Jed did a double take at that response and Nicholas began to giggle, which got Aislinn giggling. 

"No, not a dinosaur, smart aleck. I happened to see that the obstacle course was finished being put up and I thought maybe the birthday boy and girl would like to go try it out before all your guests arrive." 

"Yay! Let's go do the ob'scle course!" They danced around Jed's legs with excitement. 

"Are you coming, Momma?" Aislinn asked when Abbey didn't follow. 

"No, you go have fun with your father. I have a few last minute things I want to check on for your party." She still had to fill Aislinn's unicorn piñata and Nicky's dragon with candy and party favors. "Just remember, Jed, that obstacle course is for children. The last thing we need is you breaking a leg." 

"You know, Abigail, some people actually think I'm an adult." 

"Yeah, well they don't know you as well as I do." She grinned and gave him a sharp smack on the rear as she passed him by on her way out of the room. 

"Don't worry," Jed said in a staged whisper designed for Abbey to hear. "Even if I want to play with you guys, those mats in there are like ten feet thick. I can't break a leg." 

Abbey paused for a moment then without turning, shook her head and continued off down the hall. 

**** 

The Bartlet twins' birthday party was a big hit for both the children and the adults that had been invited. The East Room had been turned into a giant playhouse. Thick mats covered the floors to pad any falls that might occur as the children gleefully made their way around the obstacle course. Laughing pre-schoolers crawled through tunnels, teetered their way across a low balance beam, wove their way around big orange cones that had been set up in S shapes, then climbed a ladder to slide down breathlessly into a giant pit filled with colorful balls where they continued to play, diving and throwing balls at each other. After watching the kids for a little while, Jed gave their parents a quick tour of the White House, which was a special treat. Not many people got a personalized tour of the White House from the sitting president, nor were able to have their family's picture taken with him and the First Lady. 

Lawrence Melrose, the official White House photographer, was on the scene to capture this special day in the children's life. Aislinn and Nicholas knew Lawrence and were not discomfited in any way by his presence. In fact they weren't paying any more attention to him than they were to their mother who was snapping away with her digital camera. When all was said and done, Abbey and Jed would sit down with Lawrence and decide which pictures they would allow to be released to the press along with an official statement of what went on at the party. It was a way to balance the privacy and normalcy they wanted for their children with the rabid interest in them from the media and the public. 

Looking through his lens, Lawrence watched the President of the United States kneel on the floor surrounded like the Pied Piper by children while turning his blindfolded son around, then setting him off with a stick toward a bright orange and red dragon shaped piñata. While Nicholas whacked wildly at the piñata, the First Lady held Aislinn on her hip swaying her back and forth pressing kisses into the top of her head. The little girl had been accidentally boinked on the head by one of the sticks used for the piñata; her pride hurt more than anything, and was soaking up the loving comfort given by her mother. However, it wasn't long before her injured pride was forgotten and she joined the line that had formed to take a turn at the pink and white unicorn. The children were not really strong enough to damage the piñatas, so Jed finally ripped them open, his head thrown back in laughter as the tiny horde descended on the loot with shrieks of enthusiasm. 

When everyone was finished cramming whatever he or she could into their grab bags, Abbey led them all down into the cavernous White House kitchen. Chef Albert Bascom had laid out a dozen small pizza crusts and a buffet of pizza toppings. The children were allowed to make their own pizzas placing whatever toppings they wanted on them – and in whatever design. Then they were cooked in the large brick oven along with the large pizzas Albert had made for the adults. Even Jed was allowed a nice big slice of a wheat crust pizza covered in green peppers, onions and mushrooms that even he had to admit was delicious. The pizza was eaten back upstairs in the East Room where tables had been set up while they made their lunch and the children were entertained by Nicholas and Aislinn's favorite performers "The Wiggles". The children's music group sang and danced for about a half hour, ending their performance with a rousing "Happy Birthday to You" while two big cakes were wheeled in, not by White House stewards, but by the President and First Lady. Cheers rang out through the room as Aislinn and Nicholas closed their eyes, puffed their cheeks and blew out their candles. The cakes were magnificent creations made by the White House pastry chef. Aislinn's was a strawberry confection with a sugar-glazed unicorn on the top, while Nicky's was his favorite fudgy chocolate topped by the fire-breathing dragon he'd requested. 

Once the cake had been eaten, their presents opened and they were all on their way down to the basement to White House bowling alley, Jed caught up with his physical therapist. 

"Hey Ken, how's it going?" he asked. 

"It's going fine, Mr. President." 

"Mikey having a good time?" 

Grinning broadly, Ken pointed to a group of young boys pushing and shoving at each other as they made their way down the hall. "There he is. He's having a great time. I can't thank you enough for inviting us. This has been quite an experience for him." 

"It is quite an experience, isn't it? There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think what an extraordinary thing it is to be living in this house, surrounded by this history, humbled by the honor given to me." 

"You know, sir, when you say things like that it really ticks me off that you can't run for a third term. I'd vote for you again in a heartbeat." 

"Thank you, Ken. But I have a feeling my wife might have something to say on the subject." 

"Yes, she might," Abbey said falling into step with them. "And it might go something like 'Thank God for the twenty-second amendment'." 

"Amen!" Zoey added, lifting Nicholas up onto her shoulders and walking past her parents. 

"You never have a problem knowing where you stand in my house," Jed stated dryly. "My women are a bit outspoken." 

"YOUR women?" Abbey's brow raised dangerously. "When exactly did we step through a time warp back to 1950." 

"Oh look, we're here." Jed hurried off toward the alley, gathering all the children around him. "We need to divide up into teams." 

"Coward," Abbey laughed. 

"Mrs. Bartlet?" Abbey felt a tug on her pant leg and glanced down to see an earnest little girl with big chocolate brown eyes looking up at her behind a pair of wire rim glasses. 

"What is it, honey?" 

"I hafta go pee." 

"Okay, come with me. The bathroom is right over here. Does anyone else need to go potty?" 

A few more children raised their hands and Abbey led them all to the bathroom. By the time she finished with the last child and returned to the alley, Jed had the kids divided up into two groups and they were ready to get started on the game. 

When Jed had become President and discovered the bowling alley in the basement, he'd had the larger ten pin balls and pins replaced by the smaller candlepin balls and pins that were more popular in New England. He'd found the ten-pin bowling too easy in comparison and liked to brag about the fact that New Englanders never took the easy way out in anything – even bowling. The change was a good one for the children since it was much easier for them to handle the smaller balls. Bumpers were put in the lanes so gutter balls would not be a problem. 

Jed took control of one team while Abbey took control of the other. Scores were not being kept as the game was to all be in fun. However, as was often the case, the teacher in Jed could not be contained. 

"You want to make sure to aim, use your body, swing your hips into it." The child Jed was coaching looked him straight in the eyes then turned and simply dropped his ball. Abbey bit her lip against the smile that threatened. Gently bouncing off the bumper, the ball seemed to take forever to hit the pins. When it did, it only knocked down one. The boy looked dejected, his head falling forward to look at the floor. Jed jumped to his feet with enthusiasm. 

"Did you see that? By God, you knocked one down! Fine job Justin!" He held a hand out for a low five and following Jed's cue all the children began cheering. All but one little blonde who happened to be Jed's daughter. That little girl was tugging on his pant leg. 

"What is it, sugarpuss?" he asked. 

"His name is Austin." 

"Who?" 

Aislinn pointed to the boy who was receiving congratulations from his peers for hitting a pin. "He's Austin, not Justin." 

"Oh, okay. Tell you what, why don't you stick right here next to me and make sure I get all your friends names right." 

"Okay!" Aislinn plopped down beside him, thrilled with her new very important role. 

"Mommy, I'm gonna use one these BIG balls." 

Abbey turned just as a groaning Nicholas tried to lift one of the big ten-pin balls that had been set aside. 

"Nicholas, stop!" Abbey was at his side in an instant, the term "hernia" screaming through her mind. "Those balls are for big people and they are much too heavy for you." 

"But I AM big now," Nicholas stomped. "I'm FOUR!" 

"Well, four isn't big enough. So, do you want to stand here and argue with me and miss your turn to bowl or do you want to go back over and take your turn." 

"I wanna bowl!" 

"Well, let's go then." 

"Oh, Daddy, look!" Aislinn gasped. "You only have ONE pin left." 

"I see that," Jed reached for his second ball just as Abbey made her way back over, Nicholas in hand. 

"Just remember you're an adult, if you use the bumper to knock down that last pin down it doesn't count as a spare," she said. 

"You pay attention to your team. I'll take care of my team." 

Abbey laughed. She'd known he'd been contemplating use of the bumper. 

"Ooohhhh....come on, Daddy." Aislinn clasped her hands to her face in breathless anticipation, and when he knocked down the last pin she jumped up in the air shrieking with glee. "You did it, Daddy! You did it!" 

Grinning, Jed accepted the low fives from all his little teammates then turned to Abbey. "How do you like them apples?" 

She shook her head and reached for a ball. "Ego the size of Montana," she muttered. 

"I heard that," he growled into her ear. 

"I expect you did." With a sassy switch to her hips, Abbey got herself into position then took three steps swung her arm back and let the ball go. The ball crashed into the pins and the children on her team cheered, clapping with excitement. 

Abbey turned to the little girl who's turn was next. "Ava, can you tell Mr. Bartlet how many pins there are left standing?" Jed had been big on making the children count the pins left standing as a teaching exercise. Ava's face scrunched with confusion. 

"There's no pins left, Mrs. Bartlet." 

"No, there isn't, is there? What do you call that again, Jed?" 

Jed scowled. 

"It's a strike, Mommy, you got all the pins down," Nicholas told her helpfully. 

"I did, didn't I." She ran her fingers through her son's hair, then glanced up at her husband with self-satisfied little smirk. "How do you like THEM apples?" 

Jed shook his head and mimicked her earlier statement. "Ego the size of Montana." 

**** 

Later, when all the little guests had gone home with party favors and memories, Abbey and Jed carried their two exhausted children back to the Residence. CJ, who had been late to the party, went with them and now sat on the couch holding her goddaughter, who lay nestled half-asleep in her arms, smelling of baby shampoo and cake. 

"Oh," she said, closing her eyes and letting the strong warm maternal wave work its way through her body. "I want one just like you." 

Aislinn pushed back and looked up at her with sleepy sea green eyes. "One what?" 

"One little girl," CJ explained. "If I had a little girl, I'd want one just like you. So, I guess I'm pretty lucky that you're my goddaughter." 

Aislinn smiled and snuggled back into CJ's chest. 

"I'm a spinster, you know." This time CJ's cryptic words were directed to Abbey who was seated next to her, rocking Nicholas in the old Boston rocker that had come from the farm. 

"You're not a spinster," Abbey protested. 

"Yes, I am. I'm middle-aged, haven't had a serious relationship in years and never mind my biological clock. That alarm finished ringing. I'm past childbearing years. I ought to just start buying cats now. I can be the crazy cat lady." 

"Spinster is a stupid, derogatory term that thankfully is NOT used anymore. You are a single, attractive, professional woman who has dedicated prime childbearing years to her country. BUT, those years aren't over. We've discussed this before. Women in their forties have babies all the time nowadays. Look at me." 

"Well now, I'd have to find a man first, wouldn't I? And, I'm not sure I have enough time to do the whole fall in love, get married, get pregnant thingamajig." 

"You don't need a man." 

"Excuse me? I may not be a doctor, but I'm pretty sure it still takes a sperm and an egg to make a baby." 

"Of course it does. I just meant that you didn't need to actually be in a relationship to have a baby." 

"Are you – the First Lady of the United States of America – suggesting that I walk into a bar, pick up the first guy that looks my way and get myself knocked up." 

Abbey 's gaze turned sardonic. "Yes, CJ, that's exactly what I'm suggesting, because that is so smart in so many ways. What I MEANT was that if you really, really want a child, you can go to a sperm bank and do the artificial insemination route or you could adopt. There are a lot of children out there that need good homes." 

"Isn't your church against artificial insemination?" 

Abbey shrugged and nuzzled her lips into Nicky's soft hair, smiling as the boy sucked harder on his thumb. "I'm a mother. I'm the last person that would ever deny any other woman the right to feel this kind of deep down primal love. I would never deny any other woman the joy of raising a child, no matter how she became a mother. It has been the most difficult and yet greatest experience of my life." 

"You sound sad all of the sudden." 

"Not sad, just a little weary. Sometimes I wish that it was all this easy." She traced a finger over Nicky's soft little cheek. "Sometimes I wish I could just live my life and love my kids and make the world disappear." 

"Life in the goldfish bowl getting to you?" Periodically, she knew the First Lady had spells of irritation with life in the public eye, usually when the press was after her children. 

"Between Jed's relapse and the twins' birthdays it's been fast and furious. The press is pissed we didn't allow them coverage of the birthday." 

"Well, for what it's worth, I think you're doing a great job of it. You can stick to your guns better than anyone I know." 

Abbey gave a soft snort of laughter. "Is that the politically correct way of saying 'I'm stubborn'." 

"Maybe," CJ grinned. "But it's a good stubborn. Nobody's ever been able to fault you as a mother. The girls are terrific young women and well, you know what I think of these two." She gazed affectionately at the now sleeping pre-schoolers. 

Abbey smiled her pride in her offspring apparent. "Thank you, CJ. We try damn hard to keep any of our children from paying too high a price for the career decisions Jed and I have made over the years, including being in the public eye. It doesn't always work but we do try." 

"And you are very much respected for that." 

"Well," Millie said flopping down on the couch next to CJ, "Jed and I got all the new toys put away in the nursery." 

"Did you keep the pile set aside for the children's hospitals and the shelters?" Abbey asked. 

"Yep, there are going to be some pretty happy kids out there." 

"I hope so." Thousands of gifts had come in for the twins from people all over the world and Abbey and Jed had set them aside to send to children's hospitals, battered women shelters, and county homes for orphaned children. Their own children surely did not need that many toys. However, each person who sent a gift did get a nice thank you card from the White House. 

**** 

Later that night, feigning fatigue, Jed sent Abbey off to put the children to bed on her own. While she was gone, he set the scene for seduction. Lights were dimmed, a few candles were burning and soft music played in the background. 

Rubbing her tense neck muscles as she entered the bedroom, Abbey frowned toward where Jed lay stretched out on the bed wearing only a pair of pajama bottoms. 

"What's going on here?" 

"Has it really been so long you can't recognize a love nest for what it is?" 

"A love nest, huh?" She smiled as Jed rose to his feet. 

"Yep. I have a present for you." He reached out and began unbuttoning her blouse. 

"Really?" Abbey felt a quick thrill as his fingers brushed against the top swell of her breast. It really HAD been a long time since he'd touched her so intimately. "My birthday isn't for another month and a half." 

"I don't think you're going to want to wait that long for this." Opening her blouse wide, he bent his head and nuzzled into the warm curve of her neck. All thoughts of fatigue fled Abbey's mind with the desire that pooled hot and heavy low in her belly. 

"Millie brought it, didn't she?" Abbey sighed as Jed's lips moved along the lacy edge of her bra at the same time he traced a thumb over her nipple. 

"What do you think?" He tilted his head toward the nightstand and Abbey broke away pulling open the drawer. She laughed when she saw the bow wrapped around the phallus. 

"Did you do that or Millie?" 

"Me. Millie was discreet enough not to open the box." 

"She'll just ask me what we got later." 

Jed was silent for a moment then shook his head. "Women. Is there anything you DON'T talk about?" 

"Not really." She flicked the switch on the bottom and the toy began to vibrate. Abbey was surprised at the pulse of sexual excitement that began to throb between her thighs. It was the excitement of the unknown, of something new and different. About the closest she and Jed had ever come to using sex toys was fooling around with the shower massage, but tonight she would find out what all the buzz was about and the idea was rather erotic. 

Watching Abbey holding the phallus had Jed's own blood running thick with desire. He took it from her hand and placed it on the nightstand then continued undressing her, running his lips and tongue over the flesh he bared along the way. When he had her naked, save for her underwear, he pressed a kiss into the silk covered mound between her thighs. Abbey squirmed and moaned wanting and needing this so much. It had been too long, far too long and her body was on fire. She raised her hips urging Jed to remove her panties, which he did with one quick pull. When they were gone, he lifted her legs, pushing her knees apart to bare her ultimate femininity to him. 

"Beautiful," he muttered softly to himself, "so damn beautiful". He reached out a finger gently parting the springy cinnamon curls to run the digit down her cleft and back up. Abbey whimpered, her back arching, and when Jed found the hard little knot that was the center of her pleasure and rubbed it, she groaned. A self-satisfied smile crossed Jed's lips at the evidence of her arousal and using his thumbs to part her, he bent his head between her spread thighs and placed his mouth on her. Abbey cried out, her fingers knotting in the sheets as she writhed in pleasure. Jed massaged her with his tongue, his pressure gentle then fierce, teasing then greedy. All the while, he reveled in her feminine, musky scent, in the sweet succor he took from the womanly taste of her slick and swollen depths. He reveled in Abbey's wanton response to him. The way her hips were rising to his mouth, her fingers digging into his hair to hold him in place and her soft throaty moans urging him for more, more, more. She was trembling, reaching, her belly tightening – and then he was gone. 

"Jed!" she gasped in distress at the loss of his mouth. 

"I'm not finished yet," his words were muffled against her skin as he worked his way up over her belly to her breast, his lips closing over her nipple. His suckling soon had her lost, back in the haze of sexual gratification. So lost she never felt him reaching for the nightstand and was taken by surprise when he ran the vibrator over the aroused flesh he'd left aching between her thighs. He was still sucking her nipple when he slid the phallus inside her body eliciting a deep lusty groan. Within moments Abbey was overwhelmed with erotic sensations. The phallus continued to be thrust inside her but now Jed's mouth had returned between her legs and he was stroking, tugging and teasing her clitoris, two sensations she had never been able to experience at the same time when it was Jed penetrating her – and still there was more. With his free hand, Jed squeezed her buttock, stroked her belly, cupped her breast, and teased her hardened nipple – it was as if there were hands and mouths everywhere. Her low moans grew in intensity and when Jed flicked the switch on the vibrator he had buried deep within her she cried out loudly, pitching over the edge into a writhing, back arching, sheet grabbing orgasm that seemed to on and on. Jed paused in his ministrations to watch what he was doing with the phallus – moving it slowly in and out of Abbey's body while she lay spread eagle and spent on the bed. He swallowed tightly gritting his teeth against his own powerful arousal. 

When Abbey's climax was finally reduced to little shudders and soft gasps for breath, he removed the toy and set it aside. He crawled up her body, pushed the hair back off her flushed face and smiled. 

"You liked that?" 

"What do you think?" she purred, her jade green eyes heavy lidded and satiated. As much as it hadn't been the same as having Jed within her, at sharing that kind of intimacy, it had been exciting and fulfilling. 

"I think you liked it." He cupped a hand against her cheek and she turned into it, kissing his palm. The teasing light in his eyes faded turning to regret. "Abbey, I'm so sorry." 

Her brow creased in confusion. "You just sent me to the moon and back and you're sorry? What do you have to be sorry about – that was great." 

"I know it was, and I know how much you've missed us being like this. I've been a selfish bastard and I'm sure not proud of that. There's no reason we couldn't have been doing this all along. I got so caught up in sulking about what I couldn't do, I wouldn't even allow myself to see what I COULD do." 

"Yeah, you did, but that's okay. This is uncharted territory we're wading through here. There are times when we all have things we have to work through. I understand. I really do, Jed." 

Jed's eyes grew soft with tenderness and he trailed a thumb lovingly over Abbey's bottom lip. "I know you do and that just makes me love you even more." His last words were spoken against her lips. His kiss was long and deep, more loving than passionate and as natural as breathing for them. There was nothing demanding in his kisses, no expectations and nothing asked for in return and that made it all the sweeter for Abbey. Jed was kissing her just for the sensual enjoyment he got from kissing her. And while his lips moved on hers, he continued to stroke her, soothing her heated body as one would calm a flighty thoroughbred. Abbey had missed this part of lovemaking as much as anything else, being held in Jed's arms, feeling his chest crushed to her naked breasts, his tongue stroking hers, his hands moving intimately over and in her. She was so caught up in the kiss and the drugging aftermath of sexual release, it took her a moment to realize what it was she was feeling hard and firm and slightly damp against her hip. When she did, she pushed back on Jed's chest her eyes drawn downward to his groin. 

"Jed!" 

Jed's eyes followed Abbey's down to where his penis stood straight up out of his thatch of sandy pubic hair to nudge up toward his belly button, fully erect and engorged. He smiled with pride. "I know. It's been like since I started going down on you. Actually, the other night when you were walking around wearing just those black panties, I got the first stirrings of an erection." 

"Then why'd you use the vibrator?" 

He shrugged. "I needed to know. I needed to know it would be okay if this didn't happen." 

"I told you it would be." Abbey reached out a hand closing it around his shaft. Gently she stroked him. He jerked against her palm and groaned. 

"Stop," he gasped. 

"Why? Let me make love to YOU now." 

"Not tonight." 

She frowned. "I don't understand. Jed, you have to be uncomfortable." 

"It's killing me," he ground out. "God, you don't know how much I want to let you go down on me." 

"Then I will." 

"No." He stopped her from moving down his body. "It's been a long time, I want to savor this. I want to enjoy the discomfort," 

Abbey's lips twisted wryly. "You're an odd duck, Mr. President." 

"Yeah, well you're the one who married me." He pulled her up close to his body and she snuggled into his warmth laying her cheek on his chest. 

"And never had a day I regretted it." 


	46. Altered Lives

  
Author's notes: I took some stuff from \"The Wake Up Call\". However, without transcripts and unable to get my CC to work there was one line where I simply could not understand what was being said. And, from what others thought it might be, it didn't make sense to me at all so I just changed it. Otherwise some of those scenes were directly from the episode.  


* * *

It was early morning at the White House and the Bartlet family was having breakfast together trying to beat the winter doldrums in the sunny solarium. 

"Don't forget you have your physical therapy at noon today?" Abbey said to Jed, taking a sip from her orange juice. The response was an exagerated roll of the eyes from him that she ignored. "What does your day look like anyway? she asked. 

"What? You haven't checked out my schedule? That's a first." 

Abbey's face tightened at her husband's sarcasm. "That was uncalled for," she said coolly. 

He nodded, hating the tension that was growing between them. "I'm sorry. You just usually have a better handle on my schedule than I do." 

"Someone has to be looking out for you." 

He didn't miss the point. Jed knew that Abbey didn't trust his staff, even CJ, to be looking out for what was best for him as a person as opposed to what they needed from their president. 

"It's all meetings. First one at 8:30 and non-stop until supper." 

"I hope you don't mean that. You know you have to grab a break somewhere in there." 

"Don't be such a worrywart," he flashed her the charming Jed Bartlet smile that could usually get him out of trouble with her, but Abbey wasn't smiling in return. "I'll be absolutely fine. I feel GREAT! Don't I look great, kids?" 

The children, intent on their cereal and babbling with each other rather than listening to their parents boring breakfast conversation nodded in agreement. 

"See, there ya go." He hopped to his feet and kissed both children good-bye pausing at Abbey's chair. "I don't want you to worry about me. You go and have a good time with Ellie." He bent down low and lifted her chin to place a soft kiss on her lips. "I love you." 

"I love you too." Abbey's words were flat and she watched him depart with that worried knot twisting yet again in her stomach. She stabbed at her scrambled eggs then sighed and dropped her fork. She wasn't hungry anymore. 

In spite of their renewed intimacy, or maybe because of it, the tension between Abbey and Jed had actually grown stronger rather than abating. For Jed, even knowing he still had the evoked potentials testing coming up, the proof that he was sexually capable again was the last piece to fit into place in his puzzle. In his eyes he was healed, ready to get back to normal and forget that the blasted relapse had ever taken place. 

Abbey couldn't forget. She couldn't forget the fear on Jed's face and in his voice the night of the James Taylor concert when he told her he could no longer see out of his right eyes. She couldn't forget the awful phone call telling her Jed was paralyzed or the first time she saw him sitting in that wheelchair hooked to an IV. She couldn't forget his pain as he railed in frustration at her and the world from the floor of a bathroom in China. She couldn't forget the dehydration and numbing fatigue that had him flat on his back after the lengthy meeting she'd forced everyone to let him stay in. She couldn't forget the nights of massaging his aching muscles, listening to his frustration over his inability to function in ways that he was used to functioning. She couldn't forget his humiliation, his depression, and how hard she'd fought to help him try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now they were there and he wanted to rush to that light and forget he'd ever been in any darkness, forget that if he went too fast, pushed too hard, ignored what his body was telling him – that he could so easily be right back face down on that floor in the darkness. She loved her husband, loved him with all her heart and soul and with a steely determination to keep him well. For his own sake she wanted him healthy and on his feet so he could be the man he so wanted to be. Selfishly, she wanted him well and happy so they could grow old together – and that meant managing his disease. It meant a change of lifestyle habits, a change of diets, and a change in his mentality that he simply wasn't willing to make. And so they were butting heads. The more Jed pushed, the more she pulled back until everyone around them could see that something had to give. Everyone, it seemed, but them. 

**** 

"So, tell me what you think." 

Abbey stood in the middle of the living room of Ellie's new apartment. It was on the waterfront in the Canton neighborhood of Baltimore in a renovated brick factory. Part of Baltimore's waterfront revival effort had included taking old run down industrial buildings and factories and turning them into apartments and condos, which in turn revived the neighborhoods. She smiled at the expectant look on her middle daughter's face; Ellie had barely given her time to survey the place. 

"Ellie, I love it. It's great. I think your going to be much happier here." 

"It's a lot bigger than my other apartment, but not too big. And it's still close to Johns Hopkins." 

"It's got a lot of character." Abbey admired the one brick wall that ran the length of Ellie's living room and the gleaming blonde wood floors. "I love these old renovated buildings. They've done a lot of this in Manchester too, in the old Amoskeag mills along the Merrimack River. Your dad is looking at having his Presidential Library in one of those buildings. You know how he is about anything old." 

"I like them too, that's what drew me down here." 

"You know who else would love this place?" 

"Elizabeth." They both said it at the same time and shared a smile. Liz, the history teacher loved anything old and antique. Sadly she lived in a very modern, contemporary, suburban home that said little of who she was. 

"And the Service says it's a safe neighborhood." Abbey nonchalantly ran a hand along the bookshelf Ellie had filled with medical tomes. 

"Were you and Daddy checking up on me?" 

"Of course we were. Did you think we'd let you live in some hovel?" 

Normally that kind of thing would have rankled the very independent Dr. Bartlet, but since the kidnapping, Ellie had accepted that her parents were even more protective of she and her siblings, and more than that, she understood why. 

"Oh, look," Abbey continued her way through the apartment. "You have a little dining nook." 

"Yeah, I'm going to need to get a dining room table. I didn't need one in my last apartment." 

Abbey bit her tongue, refraining from reminding her daughter that she didn't need much of anything in the tiny hole of an apartment she had been living in. The place had been little better than a studio. 

"We'll put that on the list for shopping this afternoon." 

"Mom, you're NOT going to buy me a dining room table." 

"I didn't bring a housewarming gift. I figured we'd go shopping and you could pick something out." 

"A housewarming gift is a plant, NOT a dining room table." 

"A plant is boring, Eleanor, and I am NOT a boring person. Let's see what else you need." 

Ellie groaned as Abbey opened the door to one of two bedrooms. 

"Where's your bed?" Abbey asked. 

"In the spare room. I bought a new full sized one now that I have the room for something bigger than a twin. It's supposed to be delivered today." 

Abbey's face fell with disappointment. "I was hoping to take you out to lunch and do some shopping. Spend some girl time together." 

"We can still do that. Sam said he'd come up and hang out here after lunch to take care of the delivery so we can go off and spend the day together." 

"Ahh..." Abbey lifted a knowing brow. 

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

"I just said 'ah'." 

"It's the WAY you said ahhh...What did you mean?" 

"I meant that I wondered if a handsome young Congressman isn't the reason for the new larger sized bed." 

"Mom!" Ellie blushed. "I can't believe you just said that." 

"Why not? It's true. Sweetheart," Abbey rested a hand against Ellie's soft cheek, "you've been dating Sam a year and a half, even if you hadn't already told me you've slept with him, I'm not naive and I have eyes. I see the way you are together and to be honest I think it's great – provided, of course, that Sam is going to make an honest woman of you sometime in the near future. Your dad and I would like more grandbabies, you know." 

"You just got here, Mom," Ellie groaned. "Can we at least wait until after lunch to talk about my sex life or giving you more grandbabies?" 

Abbey laughed. "Get your purse, Dr. Bartlet. We're going shopping." 

Right next to Canton and still on the waterfront was Fell's Point, a neighborhood crammed filled with shops and restaurants and art galleries that included over eighty antique stores. Abbey and Ellie spent the late morning browsing through the shops trying to ignore the stares and whispers and smiling graciously when they were approached. 

"I'm sorry about all the attention," Abbey said later as the two of them sat at a funky little restaurant on the harborfront. Ellie thought her mom would appreciate the hippie motif – and the delicious seafood at The Age of Aquarius and she wasn't wrong. Abbey was especially enjoying the piped in music of her teen years. 

"Shopping with me isn't quite like it used to be." 

"It's okay," Ellie assured her. "I'm just happy to spend time with you – even if it means putting up with your adoring throngs." 

Abbey smiled and sipped from the glass of white wine that she'd ordered to go with her she-crab soup and coconut shrimp salad. It was nice, as a mother, to see how far Ellie had come in the six years that Jed had been in office. It wasn't that long ago that she would rather have hidden away inside having a private visit rather than brave the gawkers and well wishers. Some of that had to do with a comfort level she'd achieved over time, but some, Abbey thought, had come from dating Sam. As the President's daughter, she'd always draw looks or comments when she went out in public, but only since she'd begun dating Sam had she come out of her shell enough to be seen more in the public eye. The two were a hot item and very newsworthy and while Ellie might never be entirely comfortable with that, she was learning to cope and come to terms with it. 

With lunch finished, the two women moved into a heavy duty shopping mode. Ellie had forgotten just how long her mother could "shop 'til you drop". In one of the antique establishments, Abbey noticed her daughter running a hand longingly over a small but very attractive mission styled oak dining room table that would look great in her dining nook. Leaving the oriental carpets she'd been browsing through, she placed a hand on the small of Ellie's back. 

"You like this one?" she asked. 

"What's not to like? It's perfect, simple, small enough for the room, and look at these great chairs that come with it too." Ellie lifted the little white price tag and winced at the steep fee. She smiled at Abbey, shook her head "no" and moved on to the next item. 

"Maybe we should hit IKEA," Ellie said, "that's probably more my price range." Ellie wasn't yet a full-fledged doctor and wasn't making the kind of money needed to afford the steep prices in some of these antique stores. Ignoring her, Abbey motioned the owner of the store over. 

"I'd like to purchase this dining room table set," she said. Ellie, who was now looking at a Tiffany lamp, whipped around nearly knocking it over. 

"Mom, you aren't buying me that table!" 

Abbey turned to the saleswoman. "You can throw in that Tiffany lamp my daughter is looking at, oh, and that oriental carpet over there as well – the one in dark blue and golds. Keep protesting, Eleanor, and I'll furnish your whole apartment." 

Ellie's mouth snapped shut and she worked her way around the furniture to get to her mother, embracing her in a big hug. "Thank you, Mom. I love you. But, you didn't have to do this." 

Tears stung Abbey's eyes. This was one of the good parts of being a mom. "I WANTED to do this. You don't think your dad and I needed help when we were first getting started? We got lots of things from your grandparents and great grandparents. That's what families are for. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart." Abbey pulled back and smiled at her daughter. "Now, let's give the nice lady your address for delivery and move along. I saw a great vintage clothing store next door." 

Laughing, Ellie slid an arm around her mother's tiny waist and moved to the check out counter with her. 

**** 

The vintage clothing store was a hit with both women. Giggling over the choices the store had to offer, they finally both disappeared into the changing room to try on their outfits in side by side stalls. It reminded Ellie of the days during school vacation that Abbey would take her, Zoey and Elizabeth with her to Harvard while she taught her class at the medical school. When the class was over, Abbey would allow them to wander through the used book, record and clothes stores around Harvard Yard that catered to the college students that lived in Cambridge. She would let them pick out musty old classic kids books, their favorite 45's – and later CD's – and funny old outfits and accessories. Then on rainy days they would have dress up tea parties in the playroom in the attic wearing the outfits they'd purchased for close to nothing. Today was so much like that. Some of the things they tried on were ridiculous, some were outrageous, some had them in peals of laughter, but when Abbey stepped out of the fitting room in a 1960's Mary Quant style cocktail mini-dress Ellie's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. 

"Oh Mom," she sighed in appreciation. 

"You don't think it's too much?" Abbey smoothed her hands over her thighs enjoying the satiny feel of the material. 

"Of course it's too much, but it's also PERFECT for you." The dress was sleeveless and hugged Abbey's gentle hourglass curves emphasizing the swell of breast, the tiny waist, and the womanly flare of hip. The skirt stopped well above her knees, certainly well above what was appropriate for a First Lady and bared her incredible legs half way up the thigh, but what made it even sexier was the fact that it was zippered from hem to breast. 

"It's totally HOT. That emerald color matches your eyes and looks great with your hair." 

"It's definitely not a First Lady dress," Abbey said. 

"No," Ellie agreed. "But it sure is an Abbey Bartlet dress." 

"You don't think it makes me look like a tart." 

Ellie laughed at the term. "No, I don't think it makes you look like a tart. On someone else, maybe, but not on you, on you it's sexy but in an elegant way. You never look trashy, Mama. I wish I'd inherited your figure." 

"You have a lovely figure." 

"I'm no sexpot." Ellie glanced down ruefully on her more willowy form. 

"Sexpot," Abbey laughed. "Is that what you think I am?" 

"It's what everyone thinks you are. Face it, Mom. The term sexy should have your picture next to it in the dictionary. That dress, with a pair of your many stilettos, well, you'll knock Daddy's socks off." 

Abbey turned back to eye herself in the full-length mirror, a sly smile curving on her lips. "You may be right. Then again, most times your father couldn't care less what I'm wearing on the outside. It's what I'm wearing UNDER the outfit that gets him all hot and bothered. He especially likes those bustiers and garters and..." 

"I'm not listening la, la, la, la." Ellie covered her ears and went back into her changing stall, leaving Abbey laughing behind her. 

By the time they got back to the apartment, Sam had set up the newly arrived bed in Ellie's bedroom and since they were all tired they decided to order take out Thai food from a small restaurant around the corner that was a favorite of Ellie and Sam's. They ate on the dining room table which, miraculously, had also been delivered while they continued to shop. Amazing how things like that happened when you were the President's wife and daughter. Definitely one of the perks Jed was forever referencing when complaints were made about the hassles of being part of the President's family. 

While Sam was pouring the wine from a vintage bottle Abbey had brought with her from the White House wine cellar, he broached a subject that he knew might be a little sensitive. 

"How is the President doing, Mrs. Bartlet?" 

Ellie had asked the question as soon as Abbey had arrived but had been brushed off with an easy "Oh, he's fine." Now it seemed her mother was more willing to discuss the topic. 

"He's doing okay, much better. In fact you'd be hard pressed to find any remnants of the relapse at all." 

Ellie frowned and sipped her Shiraz. "You don't sound too happy about that." 

"Of course I'm happy, Ellie. You have no idea how thrilled I am with your father's progress. It's been a tremendously difficult time for us. It's just..." Abbey trailed off unsure if she should get into this with her daughter or not. Neither she nor Jed ever dragged the children into the middle of their disputes or arguments. Then again, this wasn't a situation of pitting one parent against the other. Ellie was an adult now she deserved the truth. 

"Just what?" Ellie prodded with concern. 

"Well, you know your dad. Now that he's up on his feet again he thinks he's invincible. He thinks he can go on just the way that he was. Hell, the most healthy of people couldn't keep up with your dad's schedule and yet, I can't seem to get him to slow down." 

"You never could. Dad's a man of action." 

"That's one of the first things I noticed about him when I joined the campaign in '98," Sam said. "He was indefatigable. We'd start at 6 or 7 a.m. and be on the go all day long – sometimes not getting back to whatever hotel we were at until 11 at night. The rest of us would just be dropping, ready to crash and prepare for the next day, but the President was still ready to talk strategy for the next day, or ready for a feed from _Nightline_ ". 

Abbey nodded in agreement. "Jed is one of the few people I know that really does feed off the energy of others. The crowds energize him, ideas energize him, and competition energizes him. I know that's part of who he is and I'd never want to take that away from him. But it's different now and he needs to learn that he is, amazingly enough, actually human and that he needs to take a break now and again like the rest of the world." 

Seeing the serious looks on Sam and Ellie's face, Abbey forced a smile onto hers. She wasn't here to be a downer. "So, what do you two have planned for Valentine's Day?" 

The rest of the meal passed by pleasantly. Abbey had always liked Sam, he reminded her in many ways of a young Jed, and she felt comfortable with him. After dessert, she was slightly surprised when Sam rose to leave. 

"I hope your not leaving on my account," Abbey said. She had the distinct feeling that had she not been visiting, Ellie and Sam would be trying out her new bed tonight. She'd had to come to terms with the fact that Ellie was an adult woman, but as much as she teased her about it, it was still a tad disconcerting to think about her daughter with a lover. All protests aside, she would have been uncomfortable knowing that the two of them were sleeping together across the hall from her. She might be a liberal Catholic but she was still a Catholic – and a mother. 

"No," Sam assured her. " I have a full day tomorrow so I have to get back to D.C. Thank you for supper, El." He bent to give Ellie a chaste kiss to the cheek. "It was very nice seeing you, Mrs. Bartlet." 

"Nice to see you too, Sam." 

With Sam gone, Abbey and Ellie changed into their pajamas and picked through Ellie's DVD collection pulling out their favorite chick flicks. Snuggling up together on the couch under a warm soft throw, they polished off another bottle of wine and a bowl of buttery, salty popcorn while watching _Sleepless in Seattle_ , which they had both seen dozens of times but still loved and _Bridget Jone's Diary_ , which Abbey had not seen yet. It was an enjoyable evening for both, and a bit of a pressure reliever for Abbey. For two months now her focus had been on Jed. Were it not for the twins and a few engagements, she kept she could easily say "solely" on Jed. She met with his doctors, with his staff, with his physical therapist and with the White House chef to come up with a macrobiotic diet that had been shown in some studies to help with the M.S. symptoms. She spent hours pouring over the Internet for the latest cutting edge treatments and holistic approaches to her husband's disease. She was there to bring there to bring Jed out of his funks, help with his depression and urge him on when he made progress. She lived and breathed M.S. Now there was thankfully a light at the end of the tunnel and it had been nice to just get away for a little while and think about something else, focus on something else – if only for a day. 

**** 

"Sir, I thought you were heading back to the Residence." 

"I did go back, but I after I helped get the twins to bed, I decided I'd come back down for a bit. I'm a bachelor tonight." 

It was well known fact that Jed Bartlet did NOT enjoy being a bachelor. That he was lonely when his wife was not at home. 

"Abbey's gone up to Baltimore to check out Ellie's new apartment – help her decorate or whatever it is women do. I'll find out when I get the credit card bill." 

CJ smiled knowingly. The President might grumble, but she knew that he was an extremely soft touch and there was nothing he would begrudge his offspring and their indulgent mother. In fact, he probably had been the one to tell Abbey to pick up out some nice things for Ellie. 

"What's say we grab Toby and head out on the town. Trip the light fantastic." 

"We gonna throw on sailor caps and hang out in bars?" 

"Come on the old lady's out of town." 

"The 'old lady' will have my head if I don't get you to bed within the next half hour." 

"Yeah," he agreed on sigh. 

"Besides, I understand you've got a big day tomorrow night." 

"I actually convinced Abbey to let me out of the house for Valentine's Day." 

"You're taking her to the opera." 

"Yeah, Verdi's _Othello_. Romantic, huh?" 

"Isn't that the one where the guy kills his wife?" 

"It's in Italian. I'm hoping she won't notice." 

Affection softened CJ's face. If ever a couple embodied the spirit of marriage, it was Jed and Abbey Bartlet. She adored how they were together, longed for it for herself. 

"Okay then, good night, sir. Get some rest." 

"Yeah," Jed sighed again. When would end? Would it ever end? Would he ever go back to be just Jed again or would they always treat him with kid gloves? Would they ever look at him again and see who he was without seeing the disease? 

CJ went back to her office with a worried look on her face. Balancing the President's schedule right now was proving most difficult. "Margaret," she called out. 

"Yes, ma'am?" 

"Could you please move the President's wake up call up to 8:30 and bring me his schedule." She hoped to keep his schedule light throughout the day and allow him to enjoy a romantic night out with his wife. Lord knew they deserved it after all they had been through. 

"Hey CJ," Toby said, stepping up to her desk. "This is Professor Lessig. He's a constitutional writer. He's writing the constitution of Belarus." 

"You would have thought they'd have one of those by now." 

"CJ," Jed called out while moving from the Oval to her office, "do you have a copy of the DL's mass lay off report I can read in the Residence?" 

"Good evening, Mr. President," Jed glanced up from the paper he was reading to see that CJ had company. 

"Am I interrupting?" he asked, clearly expecting an introduction. 

"Sir, this is Professor Lawrence Lessig." 

" _The Future of Ideas_? That Lawrence Lessig?" Toby and CJ shared a look. Was there anything Jed Bartlet didn't read? 

"He's here to help with the Belarus constitution. He also helped with the Georgian constitution." 

"Founding Father for hire?" Jed quipped. "Have quill will travel." 

"No, no, no," Lessig protested. "The Belarus will be the founding fathers. I'm more like the midwife." 

"Well, it's God's work if you can help us bring some stability to that mess." Jed shook the man's hand. 

CJ got nervous as she watched the exchange and could see that the President's interest was piqued as the two began to converse. "Excuse me, Professor Lessig," she interrupted. "This sounds really fascinating but the President really needs to get up–" 

Embarrassed at being treated like a child up past his bed time, Jed cut her off. 

"Oh, I think we can spare five minutes to discuss the roots of democracy. That is if the professor has the time." 

"It would be an honor, sir." 

"Come then, let us sit as men do and discuss important things." 

CJ watched them depart with a worried frown, her conscience warring with her. She wasn't Jed Bartlet's wife, nor his doctor, nor his babysitter and yet she knew he was doing something he shouldn't. But, he was a grown man and he was the President of the United States and this was his choice. As his Chief of Staff, she only had so much influence over him. She wished that Abbey were here. 

It was only a few hours later when she got the call at 3:00 am that an Iranian missile had shot down a British commercial flight that she regretted not intervening in some way and getting the President to end his meeting with the professor before midnight when it finally broke. Unsure of how she should handle the situation, she showered and dressed then looked in her black address book to find the First Lady's cell phone number. Abbey had been adamant that she be called immediately should a situation warrant. 

**** 

Abbey was sleeping soundly in Ellie's guest bedroom when her cell phone went off. She'd placed it on the nightstand right beside the bed to make sure she heard it if it rang. Squinting at the clock and seeing that it wasn't even quite 4 a.m. a sharp stab of panic lanced her heart. Jed. A call at this hour could only mean something was wrong with Jed. Reaching for her phone with a shaking hand, she fought a wave of nausea, re-living that horrendous moment two months ago when Millie had called to tell her that Jed was completely paralyzed. 

"Hello." Her voice was husky with sleep and a hint of trepidation. 

"Abbey, this is CJ." 

"CJ." Abbey sat up now wide awake despite the early hour. Dammit, she knew she never should have left the White House. "What's wrong with Jed?" 

"The President is fine, ma'am. But, we do have a bit of a situation brewing here." 

**** 

Per her earlier phone conversation with Abbey, CJ finally woke the President at 6:30 when there was nothing more that she could do and he needed to be informed of the situation. 

"Mr. President?" She stepped into the darkened bedroom. The President was still in bed. 

"Yeah?" He asked, his voice thick with sleep. 

"Mr. President, we think the Iranian Air Force mistakenly shot down a British commercial airliner." 

"Okay, I'm up." 

**** 

Less than an hour later, Jed was up and in the office dealing with the crisis at hand. Sitting in CJ's office, which was just off the Oval Office, Abbey could hear Jed storming around issuing orders as he tried to keep events from spiraling out of control. Leaving the Oval, CJ didn't see Abbey until she got behind her desk. 

"Mrs. Bartlet?" Her surprise was quite apparent. 

"Hello there." 

"Did you just get in?" 

"About a half-hour ago. Around the time I noticed that my husband wasn't in bed. I checked the bathroom, the sitting room, the kids' room – he was nowhere to be found. I get a little nervous; my husband's not the healthiest guy right now, you know, so I call Curtis. He tells me the President is in the Oval. Imagine my surprise." 

That Abbey was pissed there was no doubt in CJ's mind. Abbey didn't blow up like Jed; her anger was released through a steely sarcasm that could be even more biting. 

"There was a development." 

"You do remember waking me at 4:00 a.m.?" 

"Ma'am–" 

"I thought we agreed to let him sleep." 

"I let him sleep until I couldn't let him sleep anymore." 

Inhaling to control her emotions, Abbey accepted the situation for what it was then asked, "How late was he up last night?" 

CJ swallowed. She hated this, hated that feeling of being caught in the middle. Like she was back in high school not wanting to rat out her best friend and get him in trouble even though she knew it was for the best. 

"Ma'am, I let him sleep as long as I could." 

**** 

"Mommy, you slept at Ellie's." Nicholas dropped his Thomas the Tank backpack on the floor and climbed up into Abbey's lap. She was seated in the sitting room beside a large stack of folders. 

"Yes, I did." She kissed the top of his head. "I told you that, didn't I?" 

"Uh huh. I'm glad you came back. I missed you." 

She smiled and tweaked his cheek. "I missed you too. But I would never miss Valentine's Day with my two littlest loves." 

"Look at all the Valentimes day cards we got." Aislinn emptied her pink Hello Kitty backpack out on the coffee table, covering it with the little cartoon and fairy tale Valentine's Day cards that kids traded in school. 

"Wow, you have lots of friends. Did you pass out yours?" 

"Yup. And we made cards for you and Daddy. Here's the one I made you." She handed Abbey a piece of pink construction paper cut out in the shape of a heart. It was covered in animal stickers with "I love you Mommy and Daddy" written in blue magic marker. She'd signed it with a lot of big X's and O's before her name and had even attempted to draw little crooked hearts. 

"That's beautiful honey, thank you." She lifted an arm urging Aislinn to slide up under it so she could pull the little girl up against her. 

"Did you see the X's and O's I put? Miss Sophie said X means kisses and O means hugs. So it means kisses and hugs from me, Aislinn." 

"I did see that. It was a very clever thing to do." 

"I put X's and O's on my card too," Nicholas said. "Wanna see?" 

"Of course I want to see. I'm going to put them both up on the refrigerator so everyone can see. Now, speaking of the refrigerator," she glanced down at her wristwatch noting that Jed was supposed to be up any minute for his break. " Are you hungry? Daddy should be joining us for lunch pretty soon." 

"Yes, my belly needs to be filled," Nicholas told her as he patted his stomach. 

Abbey chuckled and stood. "Then let's go feed it." 

In the kitchen Aislinn and Nicholas were thrilled to see small heart shaped boxes sitting on top of their place settings along with big cards. Ignoring the boring cards, the two dug into their boxes pulling out thick little books of silly Valentine Day poetry for kids, heart stencils, stamps and stickers, and colored pencils. At the bottom of each box was a new book, _Guess How Much I Love You_ , which was about a father's love and _Love You Forever_ which was about a mother's love. Nicholas immediately began using his stamps while Aislinn opened one of the books and began reading aloud with great animation. This was one child that would never have a problem giving an oral report, Abbey thought with a smile while she began to prepare their red and white theme lunch. Grilled cheese sandwiches on white bread cut into heart shapes with a big cookie cutter, cream of tomato soup and sliced strawberries with whipped cream. While the kids chattered on eating their lunch, Abbey's agitation grew. Her eyes continually moved to her watch as the hour grew later and later and still no Jed. She barely touched her own soup and sandwich and when lunch was finished she gave out kisses and left Izzy to put the twins down for their nap while she made her way back to the West Wing. 

John Marbury, in his role at the British ambassador, was in the Oval Office discussing options with the President when he looked up to see a fair vision in the doorway. 

"Abigail! Blanket my loins, I'm tied to a stake." 

John's overly enthusiastic response to her arrival had Abbey smiling in spite of herself. 

"Here we go," Jed rolled his eyes, knowing he'd lost the amorous ambassador's attention, probably for good. 

"Lovely to see you, John," Abbey said with a hint of amusement. 

"So many distractions, Mr. President. How DO you get anything done?" 

"God only knows," Jed responded. 

"Where's CJ?" The amusement was gone replaced by a hint sharpness. Jed knew that tone well and when he turned and saw Abbey's hands clenched together, the way they were when she was upset or anxious he knew things didn't bode well for him. 

"With Secretary Hutchinson," he said. 

"May I have Kate for a minute?" She turned and left the room, knowing she would not be denied her request. Jed nodded for Kate to follow. 

"Tally not, fair courtesan," John remarked as he watched another lady leave the room. 

Kate followed Abbey to the secretaries' office. "Did he just call me–" 

"Isn't he delightful," Abbey responded to Kate's observation but she hadn't called the other woman out to talk about Lord John."The President needs a break," she said bluntly. 

"Okay." Kate didn't know what else to say. This was a side of Abbey Bartlet she'd never seen before. 

"He was up late last night and he was up early this morning. He needs a break." Abbey wasn't sure why she was defending the statement, whether it was to save Jed's face or because a part of her knew she was interfering where she shouldn't. Yet, she couldn't help herself. She'd had a knot in her stomach for weeks now reliving the awful moments of the past couple of months and the cockier Jed got the more that knot twisted. 

"Okay," Kate agreed again. "Well, we have the French ambassador and then Iranians but maybe–" 

"I mean now." 

Kate looked up with surprise. "Maybe I should just check with CJ." 

"You could do that, or, you could go back in there and get my husband." 

Not "the President", Kate noted, "my husband". This was personal. Kate had never seen this formidable side to Abigail Bartlet, but knew instinctively from the steely look in Abbey's eyes not to fight her on this. 

"Yes, ma'am." Kate re-entered the Oval and said the first thing that came to her mind. 

"Sir, the First Lady wanted me to remind you that you have a barbecue you need to change for." 

Jed took the hint, though it was hard to hide his irritation. "Thanks, Kate." 

"A barbecue?" John's brow creased. "In February?" 

"Abbey likes to schedule barbecues year round," Jed told him. "I'll be back in an hour or so." He left through the portico and bumped into Abbey in the hall outside the sitting room of the Residence. 

"Kate reminded me we have a barbecue scheduled." 

Abbey stopped and turned with a surprised look. 

"Yeah, I figured that isn't what you'd had planned," he said ruefully. 

"Jed, you need to lay down and take a break." 

"I remember a time when barbecuing meant a lot more than laying down." Jed cast her a wistful look and turned away to enter their bedroom. Abbey was left standing in the sitting room watching him depart with a lump forming in her throat. 

"I remember that time too," she said, softly to the shut door. "And I want it back just as much as you do." 


	47. Altered Lives

By the time Jed got back from his enforced nap, Leo had spoken to the French and CJ had spoken to the Iranians and Jed was pissed as hell and letting everyone know it. 

"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't raise your voice at me in front of the staff," CJ said to him while he fumed. 

"I need to manage this crisis. I needed to be in those meetings!" 

"We handled the meetings." 

"Yeah, you're right, I don't think my presence would have added much." 

CJ ignored his angry sarcasm. "You were up in the Residence, sir. You were unavailable." 

"All I have in this situation is influence. Influence in relationships. If you take those things away from me, I'm powerless." 

"The Ayatollah is praying for rain. I'm not sure Mohammed himself could convince him to change his mind." 

"Do you know how many hours I have sat with the Iranians, with the French? I've put in my time. I've built relationships with these people so that I can know when they're headed for the deep end and I can reign them in, which is exactly what I would have done if I'd been awake this morning!" He turned to storm from the room. 

"I doubt that, sir." CJ's calm quiet words had Jed turning back with surprise. 

"From the moment that Iranian pilot pulled the trigger, Prime Minister Blair was already writing speeches and all the kings horses and all the kings men weren't going to keep him from opening his mouth so even if you'd been on his doorstep in London this morning, I don't think you could have reigned him in. And the funny thing is, sir, I'm pretty sure you don't think you could have either." 

Jed walked away from her heading for the colonnade outside the Oval Office to blow off some steam. His favorite place to pace. 

"You got a cigarette?" he asked the agent on duty. The man simply stared at him. The President had not asked for a cigarette in the two months since his relapse had occurred. "The First Lady get to you too?" Jed asked when the man made no move get him the cigarette. 

"Yes, sir." 

"Come on, cough 'em up." 

Reluctantly, the agent dug in his pocket. However adamant the First Lady had been, the man standing before him outranked her – and he was a man. Men had to stick together. 

"Aren't those bad for the M.S.?" Leo asked as he watched Jed light up. 

"You want to play doctor too?" Jed grumbled. "Suddenly I've got seventeen nursemaids. She didn't wake me up this morning. If an American dies and there is even the slightest suspicion of international intrigue, she's supposed to wake me." 

"Since when? If I'd used that rule you'd be dead by now of sleep deprivation." 

"Dammit, Leo, five minutes ago you were telling me to lay it all out on the field. Now you're telling me to stay off it?" 

"I'm telling you to let her do her job so you can do yours. I know this hasn't been an easy transition but you have to trust her." 

Jed sighed and ground the cigarette out beneath his foot. "I know." 

**** 

"I'm sorry, Amy, I know I've got to be driving you crazy with my schedule right about now. It's just with the President still recovering, I don't want to be far from the White House." Abbey and Amy were seated in the sitting room of the family quarters going over scheduling requests. 

"I understand, ma'am. I know the President has to come first right now and I know how hard things have been on you." 

"Marriage is work, honey. You don't want to work, you shouldn't take the vows." 

When Amy didn't speak, Abbey glanced up from her scheduling diary to find the woman just staring at her. 

"What? Did you think it was easy?" she asked. 

"I don't know. I guess you and the President just make it look easy. You guys have gone through so much and yet you just have this kind of unbreakable bond, this incredibly strong love and respect for each other. We all envy you." 

"Loving someone is easy, Amy. Doing the right thing, making the tough decisions – that's hard." 

"Yes, ma'am. Well, I better go make a few phone calls. Have fun at the opera tonight." 

"Thank you." 

**** 

After hearing what had happened between Abbey and Kate, CJ knew that things had come to a head and she needed to confront the First Lady before they got really out of hand. She respected Abbey. She cared for Abbey, but however well meaning, Abbey could NOT run the President's schedule. 

"Do you have a minute, ma'am?" she asked upon finding her still in the sitting room of the Residence. Abbey kept her back stiff and didn't look up from the file she was reading. This was one of the hazards of working where you lived. They always knew where to find you. 

"I sent him back to work," she said simply, thinking CJ was looking for Jed. 

"Yes, I saw. Thank you." That was the problem. Abbey didn't have a right to be sending him anywhere, but she didn't seem to see it that way. "Ma'am, I can't have you confusing my staff." 

Abbey glanced up over her reading glances. "Okay." 

"If you have a question or concern, I need you to come to me." In spite of Abbey's acceptance, CJ wasn't sure if the First Lady really got what she was trying say. 

"What if I can't find you?" Abbey asked. 

"Find me," CJ said firmly. 

It was a bitter pill for Abbey to swallow. To have to go through someone else when nobody knew better than she did what was good for Jed. Some might call that controlling but she honestly believed and knew in her heart that she was the only one truly looking out for the man she loved – and that included Jed himself. They would push him until he dropped if they could – and he would let them. 

"You gonna take away my key to the executive washroom too?" Her sarcasm belied that pain and bitterness. 

"Ma'am, I made a mistake this morning." 

"He needed to sleep," Abbey said wearily. She was tired of going over this, tired of explaining herself. These people just didn't get it. 

"Yes, I agree with you. The mistake was not making that decision on my own." 

"You can't make these decisions by yourself." 

"I'm the Chief of Staff." 

"You're not a doctor." 

"It's not a medical decision. It's a question as to whether the leader of this country needs to be informed about something that puts the country's citizens in jeopardy. What he does with that information, how he manages his disease, those are his decisions." 

"He was up until midnight. He's not managing his disease." There it was, the raw pain glimmering in Abbey's eyes, pain shielded behind a mask of sarcasm and bitterness. The woman was close to tears and from all indications probably at the end of her rope. The President was a strong man, a strong personality and CJ knew better than most that the First Lady had her hands full trying to deal with him. 

"You're going to have to take that up with him, ma'am." Sensing Abbey's need to confide, CJ took a step toward the chair but before the conversation could continue, her beeper went off and she had to go, leaving Abbey to contemplate what she'd said. 

Moving to the big window that overlooked the gardens below and the city beyond, Abbey wrapped her arms comfortingly around her middle and leaned her forehead against the cool glass. CJ was right. She and Jed could not continue on this way. SHE could not continue on this way. She wasn't a nag. She wasn't domineering or controlling and yet, she felt she was being forced into that kind of role because Jed was refusing to accept responsibility for caring for himself. Of course she could turn a blind eye, ignore what he was doing to himself, that would sure be a lot easier. But there was no way she could do that; she loved Jed too much not to fight for him. And yet there had to be a better way. This way wasn't solving anything and was only serving to put them at odds when they should be working together. It wasn't fair to the staff or to each other to go on the way they had been, putting people in the middle, causing them to walk on eggshells, snapping at each other. Somehow she had to get through to Jed. They had to figure out a better way of handling things. They'd always been good at talking matters out; this didn't have to be any different. It was time. 

And so, with visions of a nice heart to heart in front of the fireplace after a romantic Valentine's Day dinner, Abbey cancelled their plans to go out to the opera and put all her energy into creating the perfect evening. An evening of candlelight and soft music, of wine and relaxation that would lend to a mood of intimacy that in turn would allow them to open up with each other and finally deal with all these demons once and for all. 

**** 

"I spoke with Mrs. Bartlet," CJ said when Jed entered her office. "From now on I'll be making the wake up calls on my own and your M.S. won't be a factor in my decision." 

"Thank-you." Finally SOMEONE had seen the light. He barely paused to wonder just how CJ had gotten his strong willed wife to agree to that. 

"Sir, these international crises can drag on for days. One day just rolls into the next. You need to take care of yourself because there are going to be mornings where I'm going to have to wake you at 3:00 a.m." 

Silent, stony-faced, Jed digested CJ's chastisement. It wasn't anything different from what Abbey was telling him and he felt the familiar stab of guilt. They were right – the women were right and he knew it. He'd known it the minute he pulled Professor Lessig into his office. He'd fucked up, no question about it. He'd thumbed his nose at the M.S. and at his wife and his staff wanting – no NEEDING – to prove that was the same guy in February that he had been the previous November and that nobody could tell him what to do or how to behave. He wanted to show them that nothing had changed. But it had changed and he was just as angry with himself as he was with everyone else and with this damn disease. Without a word, he turned to head back into the Oval, his thoughts focused on Abbey. He had to apologize for the Lessig thing and he would. She would have to apologize for treating him like an invalid, and she would. Then they would go to the opera and unbeknownst to her, he had a private table reserved at their favorite Georgetown restaurant for a nice romantic after theater meal. Before a blazing fire he would give her the beautiful diamond and ruby necklace he'd picked out for her and ask her to forgive him for screwing up while she was gone. She would, of course. Abbey never carried a grudge. And then he would dance with her and for the first time in two months, he would make love to her. He was the man and he would fix this. He had to fix this. 

His thoughts were still centered on an earthy romp in their bed when his eyes were drawn to the red card that sat propped on his desk against the small wooden plaque that stated "O Lord, your sea is so great and my boat is so small." It hadn't been in there when he left. He lifted the card and began opening it wondering what his little minx of a wife was up to now. 

"Happy Valentine's Day." 

He turned with surprise to see Abbey standing at the fireplace smiling. He'd feared that she might still be pissed at him. He smiled back at her and continued opening the card. 

"Is that what you're wearing to the opera?" He gave her tailored First Lady suit the once-over knowing how long it took her to glam it up for an evening out. 

"You have a 7:00 am call in the morning. I cancelled the opera." 

"The whole opera?" 

"No, just the part where we give the usher the tickets–" 

"Dammit Abbey!" He exploded, not giving her the chance to explain her alternative plans. "I can manage my health without you talking my pulse every five minutes." 

"Is that what you were doing when you decided to stay up gossiping with children?" 

"I was talking to Professor Lessig–" 

"Oh, shove it, Jed!" All the anger and frustration of the past month suddenly lit Abbey from within. No more tip toeing around the subject, she'd HAD it. "'It's MY disease'," she mimicked him, "'It's MY health. I can handle it.' The HELL you can. You think you can run this country on 4 1/2 hours sleep with M.S.? You're out of your MIND!" 

"Stop treating me like a child!" 

"Then stop acting like one. Take responsibility for yourself. Where would you be right now if I hadn't gotten you three extra hours of sleep? You wanna manage your disease? Then you set your limitations and manage your disease. You think I want to talk to you like a teenager out past curfew!" 

"Then stop it! You're NOT my mother and I am NOT a child needing to be dragged away by my fucking ear out of a meeting when I'm late coming home!" 

"No, I'm NOT your mother, I'm your WIFE and I'm a DOCTOR. I'm doing everything I can to keep you from ending up face down on a bathroom floor again! And I don't appreciate you forcing me into that role. You think I LIKE not being able to go away for one goddamn day without you completely blowing off everything the doctors have told you. You think I LIKE having to nag you? You think I LIKE how I sound and how people are looking at me right now." 

"Then don't do it!" Jed slammed his fist on the desk. "Why don't you just leave me the hell ALONE!" 

The room went dead silent. Stunned, hurt right to the bone, the quick sting of tears burning in her eyes Abbey's anger dissipated on a sharp intake of breath. 

"Well," when she finally spoke her voice was thick with unshed tears. "This clearly isn't getting us anywhere. When you're ready to discuss things in a rational manner come find me." She turned on her heel and left the room clicking the door quietly behind her – no slam as Jed had expected. 

"Dammit!" Jed flopped down in his chair running his fingers through his hair with agitation. He'd wanted to take the words back as soon as they came out of his mouth. The stricken look on Abbey's face was almost more than he could bear. He hadn't meant to hurt her like that. He'd let his temper get the better of him and now he'd run her off. Run her off...the words sent an icy river of fear down his spine as he remembered the day she'd left him behind and run off to the farm. A lump formed in his throat. What had he done? 

**** 

It was all Abbey's agents could do to keep up with the First Lady. She strode through the halls nearly running in her haste to get to the privacy of the Residence. Once there, she shut the bedroom door behind her, shutting out the prying ears and eyes and stripped herself of her businesslike attire. Her eyes fell to the sexy teddy she'd laid out for later in the evening. Reaching for it, she balled it up and threw it across the room. Forcing back her tears, she pulled on a pair of loose fitting yoga pants and a soft T-shirt that proclaimed "Nantucket" across her breasts and made her way to the formal dining room. The romantic setting now seemed to mock her. The fire blazing in the hearth, the candles flickering on the elegantly set table, the dimly lit room all served to remind her of the kind of Valentine's Day evening she would NOT be having with her husband. Wiping the tears that now spilled silently down her cheeks, she blew out the candles and called down to the kitchen to cancel their dinner. She suddenly did not have an appetite. 

**** 

Gripped with a feeling of dread, Jed entered the Residence not sure of what he would find. After not finding Abbey in the sitting room, he went first to the bedroom. When he didn't find her there, he approached the bathroom, frowning when he saw something rumpled in the corner of the room. Abbey never left clothes on the floor of their bedroom. Picking it up, he nearly groaned aloud. It was a sexy red teddy, trimmed in black lace. Abbey had obviously had other plans for the evening. Plans she'd not made him privy to. But at least he didn't see any suitcases lying about. Calling her name, he checked in the kitchen and then moved into the dining room seeing the remnants of what he concluded to have been a romantic dinner for two. 

If it were possible to kick himself in the ass, he would most certainly do so at this moment. Abbey might have cancelled the opera but she hadn't planned on just putting him to bed, well, not without a wonderful meal and that bedtime romp he'd been fantasizing about. Instead of letting her explain, he'd attacked her. 

"Abbey– Abbey–" He continued to search for her until he found her seated in a comfortable overstuffed chair in her study, her knees drawn to her chest her cheeks stained with tears. "Oh thank God, you're here." His words came out on a sigh when he saw her, even as guilt pinched at his heart. She looked so small curled up on the chair. Dark smudges under her eyes attested to the fact that he was not the only one who was exhausted. She had, after all, gotten the call about the crisis hours before he had and instead of going back to sleep, she'd gotten up skipped out early on her visit with their daughter and driven right home from Baltimore. All because of him. 

"Where else would I be?" she frowned. And then it hit her. "You thought I'd leave? Is that what that fight was about? Did you think that if you pushed me hard enough I'd run?" 

"It wouldn't be the first time." 

Had it not been for the pain in his voice, Abbey would have reacted with anger at him for bringing that up again. Instead, she responded with compassion. 

"You can push me as hard as you want, Jed. I will NEVER leave you again. I don't run away from a fight. That's never been my M.O. Yes, before you say it, I did run once, and I'm SORRY for that. But it was an entirely different circumstance. I wasn't just running from a fight. Sometimes I think I was running for my life." 

He sat in front of her, steepled his chin on his fingertips and blew out a breath. "I know. It wasn't fair of me to throw that back in your face. I won't do it again. What's in the past is in the past." 

"No matter what happens, I'm never leaving again. I will always stay here and fight my battles." 

"Is that what this is? A battle?" 

"Looks like it's turned into one." 

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I hit you with anger that had been building inside me all day long." He reached out to take her hand. "I didn't mean to lash out at you like that. I didn't mean what I said. I wish I hadn't said it. I don't want you to leave me alone – I never want you to leave me alone. You're the most important person in my life. You keep me grounded and sane." 

"We've both said things in times of anger that we wish we hadn't. But you did mean the other things you said, didn't you?" 

"Well– Yes, I did. But I shouldn't have screamed them at you." 

She shrugged. "I got a little hot under the collar myself." 

"And you meant the things that you said too?" 

Abbey nodded. "I think we're about overdue for a little talk, Jed." 

Jed nodded in return, rubbed his palms on his thighs, and took the leap. "You're suffocating me." 

"What?" She hadn't expected that lead in. 

"You're suffocating me. You're being too overprotective. I'm the President of the United States. I have to be able to do my job without you interfering. Sometimes I think you'd go to the bathroom with me if you could." 

"For a while there I did have to go to the bathroom with you – a fact you seem to conveniently forget. Do you remember what it was like for you during the relapse? Because I sure do. It killed me every day to see the pain you were in, to see your humiliation, your despair, to see what it did to you. All I want is to keep you healthy, Jed. To keep you from having to experience something like that again for as long as I can. I'm not treating you this way to be a bitch, or to punish you. I LOVE you." 

He sighed. "I know you do. I know that everything you're doing is what you think is best for me. But can you blame me for wanting to forget what I went through? I'm back on my feet. I'm feeling fine. I just want to put it all behind me now and nobody seems to be letting me do that." 

"We can't, Jed. Not until you come to grips with the fact that unless you take care of yourself, this could all happen again. You're feeling great now and that's wonderful, but if you don't start taking control of your lifestyle, you could end up right back where you were." 

"I hate it, Abbey," he said flatly. "I hate feeling powerless." 

"You are still the most powerful man in the world, Jed. How is taking a break every now and again and getting to bed at a decent hour making you powerless?" 

"I felt that way today when I had to leave to take a nap in the middle of some important negotiations." 

"And if you had gotten to bed at a decent hour the night before you wouldn't have had to leave that meeting. That's what I've been trying to tell you. It's all about choices and decisions. I'm not asking for the moon here, babe. I 'm not asking you to resign or give over that power. I'm just asking you to be responsible and make better decisions." 

He leaned back rubbing at his temples, absorbing what she'd said. "I hated you looking at me like I was your patient, or your child. I hated you seeing me weak, as less than a man, unable to even pull up my own damn pants!" 

Abbey rose, a lump forming in her throat and she sat down beside him on the couch. Reaching up, she brushed her fingertips over his brow pushing back his wayward forelock. "Don't you know," her words came out strangled with emotion, "you have never been less than a man to me. There are far more important strengths than merely the physical. You have a strength of character that is unparalleled. YOU are the one that made that relapse okay for our children, for your staff, and for the country. I know what that cost you – I'm the only one who does – but you did what you had to do. And for the record," she paused to wipe the tear that trickled silently down his cheek, "I have NEVER looked at you as anything less than my husband, the man I love with all my heart and all my soul." 

Overcome with emotion, Jed took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. 

"Why do you think I'm fighting so hard for you? Why do you think I've let myself become the Wicked Witch of the West Wing?" 

Jed laughed against her hand and shook his head. Abbey always said she loved the fact that he could make her laugh even when she felt like crying and she had the same ability to do that for him. "They aren't calling you the Wicked Witch of the West Wing." 

"You sure about that? I distinctly heard a duh duh duh duh duh duuh duuh, when I was coming down the hall today." 

"Well, if I find out who it was that did that, I'll kick their ass." 

That drew a smile from Abbey. "I don't need you to fight my battles. If I find out who it was, I'LL kick their ass." 

Jed shrugged philosophically. "It'd probably be better coming from you anyway. You're the one who takes kickboxing lessons." 

"You better believe it." 

The smile faded from Jed's face and he turned serious again. "Abbey, you humiliated me today when you interrupted that meeting with Kate and John – coming to find me like a mommy upset with her little boy for missing his curfew." 

Hurt by the comparison, Abbey's first instinct was to retort in kind, but seeing the humiliation clouding Jed's eyes she bit back the words. Had that same humiliation been there earlier when he'd returned to the Residence? She was ashamed to realize that she simply didn't know. She'd been so frustrated with him she hadn't bothered to see how he might have interpreted her actions. She hadn't looked into his face and seen his reaction – she hadn't been looking – or listening. 

"I'm sorry, Jed. I didn't mean for it to come off like that. I was upset and I guess maybe I did overreact but I certainly didn't mean to embarrass you." 

"You have to let me judge what I'm capable of doing, of how I'm feeling." 

"I WANT to be able to trust you. I want to go on with my duties as First Lady and as a doctor without having to worry about you." 

"You CAN." 

"Really?" She raised a skeptical brow. 

He sighed. "I guess I haven't done much to earn that trust, have I?" 

"Not really," her lips twisted wryly. "We've really been at cross purposes here, haven't we? You trying too hard to forget your relapse and me trying too hard to remind you of it." 

"I guess we have." 

"Why don't I put on some water to boil and we can continue this conversation over a hot cup of tea." 

"Coffee?" he asked hopefully. 

"Tea," Abbey said firmly. 

"Yeah, yeah, I knew I wasn't going to win that one." 

"You gotta pick your battles, babe." With a sexy little wink. she took his hand and led him off to the kitchen. 

**** 

"I meant what I said before," Abbey said, sitting across from Jed at the kitchen table with her mug of tea. "I do want to be able to trust you, but you're living in denial. You think if you ignore your M.S. it will go away, but that isn't going to happen. That isn't a realistic way to approach things." 

"I know it won't go away but I'm feeling great right now." 

"I know you are, and I'm THRILLED. I want to KEEP you feeling great." 

"Sweetheart, I say this with the greatest respect, but it isn't your responsibility." 

"No," she sipped her tea, green eyes boring into his soul, "it's yours. But, if you aren't going to accept that responsibility someone has to, and I guess that someone is me. If you feel burdened by my so-called motherly hovering you have only yourself to blame." 

"Abbey–" he protested. 

"No, listen to me, Jed. What if the roles were reversed here? What if I had diabetes and I pretended like everything was completely fine. What if you had to watch me ignoring my diet, eating candy and ice cream and cake and not bothering to test my blood or take my insulin? Are you telling me you'd stand around and let me destroy my health?" 

"Abbey, that's different–" 

"No, it's not, Jed. If I were standing on a railroad track, facing a locomotive barreling down on me, you'd sure as hell yank me out of harms way. Your M.S. is just like that locomotive and I'm trying to yank you out of the way." 

Jed didn't say a word. He had no response to what he knew to be a completely valid analogy. 

"Do you remember how upset you were when you found that lump in my breast and I told you that I already knew about it? That I was waiting until after the convention to have it checked out? You damn near went ballistic on me. Do you remember when Marcus Hughes was stalking me? You cancelled some of my engagements and wanted to keep me locked in the White House. Do you remember how you babied me when I was pregnant and after my appendectomy – you drove poor Lily Mays nuts. Why can't you see the parallels here?" 

"I do see them. But I also seem to remember you fighting me every step of the way. And," his voice grew quiet and serious; "you aren't the President, Abbey. What you're doing undermines me, undermines my authority. I know you hate to hear this but it makes me look whipped in front of my staff. You want to put the shoe on the other foot? Think about how you would have felt when you were pregnant with Zoey if I'd ever told a nurse to walk into an operating room while you were in the middle of some heart and lung transplant and tell you in front of your whole surgical staff that your husband said it was time to stop and put your feet up." 

Abbey bit her bottom lip and ran a finger around the rim of her mug acknowledging what he was saying. "I can see where I was wrong to do that now and I'm sorry. But, using that analogy, if you knew that me being on my feet for too long endangered my health or the baby's health, wouldn't you feel compelled to do just that?" 

"Well...I guess you got me there. You know I would. I suppose I never looked at it from that perspective." 

"So, I have to ask, why'd you let me do it? Why didn't you call me on it right then and there? It isn't like you to let something like that go,. You are about as far from whipped as any man I know." 

Jed gazed down into his untouched tea, played with the tea bag, and then looked up at her, his baby blue eyes brimming with sincerity. "Because I knew you were right. I fucked up last night, Abbey. I didn't mean to. I left work at a decent hour. I came back here, played with the kids for a while, read them bedtime stories and tucked them in. And then...I was bored. You weren't here and I wasn't tired. I went back down to the Oval intending to just do some paperwork for a little while. Professor Lessig showed up and–" he shrugged. 

"And you had no willpower." 

"I guess not. I wasn't feeling tired or fatigued. You don't know what it's like to feel absolutely fine and have to walk away from doing something you want to do. I guess I felt like I had something to prove. It seemed stupid and you were right, like a stupid teenager, I rebelled. I should have greeted Lessig and left it at that, but I didn't. I was interested in what he had to say and I ignored the little Abbey angel that sat on my shoulder wagging her finger at me and telling me to get some sleep." 

She couldn't help but smile at the image. "I appreciate that, Jed," she took a long sip from her tea, "but it wasn't just about last night. If it were, this wouldn't have been such a big deal. You've been resisting the doctor's advice for weeks now. Ever since you got back up on your feet. And since you got that erection it's only been worse. I know that you want to put this all behind you now that you're feeling better, but you can't live in denial thinking it can never happen again." 

"Well, I can't live with worrying every day that it IS going to happen again. That isn't any way to live my life." 

"I don't expect you to live that way, I wouldn't want you to live that way. I just want you to understand that you have the ability to do what you can to keep it from happening again. You owe it to yourself to be responsible. You owe it to me and to our children – and you owe it to the country. I'm not an idiot, Jed. You are the President and things like this Iranian crisis are going to happen. If you're taking care of yourself, it shouldn't matter. If your not, well, that's when it can become a problem." 

"I know." CJ had told him essentially the same thing. 

"I'm here for you, Jed. I'm here to help you every step of the way, but if you don't want me interfering than you have to accept responsibility for taking care of yourself." 

"And then you'll stop worrying?" 

"I'm always going to worry. I can't change who I am, Jed. I'm your wife and I love you and I'm a doctor and I will always be a doctor. When I see you doing something that I think will harm you, I'm going to call you on it." 

"Yeah, I don't figure that will ever stop." 

"Don't you see? I want to help you and it frustrates the HELL out of me that I can't. I understand your feelings of helplessness because in spite of all my education and experience, in spite of how hard I try and how much I want to, I can't fix you. I've healed thousands of people over the years and the one person that matters most to me I can't help!" Her voice broke in a way that was heartbreaking to him. 

"Is that what you think?" He asked, reaching out to run his thumb over her cheek to wipe the tears that ran freely now. "No, you can't cure my disease, but you have kept it from progressing so far. You worked out at my side, encouraged me through rehab, massaged my aching muscles, pushed me when I needed pushing, held me when I needed holding. Night after night you read books on autoimmune diseases and surfed the Net for new cutting edge holistic approaches to warding off relapses. By now you probably know more about M.S. than the specialists. And, as much as I might bitch about some of it, YOU are the reason that I am on my feet and that I am feeling so good. It's YOU that's been the difference. I'm sorry if I don't tell you that enough." 

"No," she smiled, "you don't. But, you know, even though there are some things I can't help worrying about, I would like to be able to leave the White House and not have to worry about you throwing doctor's orders into the wind and pushing yourself too hard. I need to be able to do my job as a mother, a First Lady and as a doctor. I haven't been to the clinic in almost two months." 

"I know. I want you to be able to do your own thing. I'm sorry if I ruined your visit with Ellie." 

"You didn't ruin it," she assured him, resting her hand over his on the table. "We had a great visit – you'll be getting the Visa bill to prove it." 

He groaned good-naturedly. "I knew that was coming. What did we buy her?" 

"A dining room table, a 'to die for' oriental carpet, a Tiffany lamp and a 'knock your socks off' Vera Wang dress for your annual St. Patrick's Day party." 

"Ellie's coming?" Jed brightened. 

"Said she wouldn't miss it for the world. It is after all the anniversary of she and Sam making up." 

"Oh, so that's why..." Jed's shoulders gave a decided slump. 

"No, you big dope," Abbey squeezed his hand. "That isn't why. She's looking forward to coming because she misses you and she knows how important that party is to you, to our family." 

"She's a good girl." 

"Yes, she is." 

"So, I promise to start managing my own health and you promise to back off and let me do it and get back to your own work?" 

"That sounds about right." 

"I hope you notice I didn't make you promise to stop bossing me around. Bossy is just a part of who you are." 

"Yeah," Abbey smiled and pushed away from the table making her way around it and sitting on Jed's lap, one arm wrapping around his neck, "well, I didn't make you promise to stop being so pig-headed, since pig-headed is just a part of who you are." 

He smiled back at her, lifting a hand to stroke across her soft cheek, gently tucking her hair back behind her ear. "There's one last thing I need to tell you," he said. 

He felt her tense in his arms, bracing herself. "Okay, tell me." 

"I know that you're the one that fought to keep me in the meeting with Li-An." 

Abbey frowned. "Who told you that?" 

"Millie. She was trying to help me understand why you were molly coddling me. I wish you had told me. I should have thanked you." 

"God, Jed," she sighed. "I didn't want you to thank me." She closed her eyes, only opening them when Jed lifted her chin. He had to swallow tightly at the pain and tears that swam in those beautiful sea green eyes. "After that meeting, when you were so sick on the plane, I hated myself for letting you stay so long and fighting Millie and CJ about pulling you out. I was so afraid for you, Jed." She buried her face into the crook of his neck and he felt her tears warm and wet against his skin. 

"I'm sorry, Abbey." He stroked her silky hair soothingly. "I'm so damn sorry." 

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Her words were muffled against his neck. 

"I've been so selfish. I've been so wrapped up in how the relapse affected me, I never stopped to think about how it affected you. You were always so strong, always right there with a smile, encouraging me, telling me that everything would be okay, promising me we'd get through whatever happened together, challenging me to get better. I never let you lean on me. I never saw your fears or your tears." Jed felt her body begin to shake as she gave way to the sobs she had denied herself for so long and allowed him to see behind the brave façade and accept his comfort the way he'd accepted hers for so long. 

"I couldn't have gotten through this without you, Abbey. I need you to know that and I'm going to do better I promise." 

"I love you," she lifted her tear stained face and cupped a hand against his jaw. "Everything I did, I did because I love you and I don't want to lose you and because I was so damn scared. I want you by my side for another fifty or so years. I want to sit on our porch together holding hands when we're eighty and watch our great-grandchildren chase each other around the farm." 

"I know, baby," he nuzzled his lips along her forehead. "We're going to make this work. No more cross-purposes. From now on we work together as partners – equal partners. I want to be there when we talk about the evoked potentials test results. I don't want to be referred to in third person. If I'm going to manage my health, I need to know what I'm up against and hear it right from the horses mouth – without you sugarcoating it for me. I know I said I felt like I lost control of my life, but the truth is, I gave up some of that control and now I want it back." 

"I never meant to take that from you. I was just trying to make things easier. Now I can see that all I did was contribute to your ability to live in denial." 

"You're probably right. But I let you do it. I didn't WANT to know the cold, hard facts. It WAS easier not hearing it straight from the doctor and letting you deal with that. After all, if it was coming from you, I could just tell myself that you were being overly cautious. But if I'm going to regain control of my life and of my disease I need to start facing things head on." 

"Just so long as you know you aren't alone. You don't ever have to face any of that alone." 

"I know that, Abbey, and that means the world to me." The sweet, tender little smile that curved on his lips drew fresh tears to Abbey's eyes. "And I'm sorry I ruined your romantic dinner. I was even sorrier when I saw the sexy little number you'd thrown into the corner of the bedroom." 

She gave a soft laugh and accepted the napkin he handed her to blow her nose. "I'm sure you were. And I'm sorry I ruined your opera plans. The restaurant called to confirm your reservations." 

"We sure made a mess of this Valentine's Day." 

"Oh, I don't think we did so bad. Valentine's Day isn't about cards and flowers and candy and gifts – it's about love and we sure do have that covered." 

"You bet your gorgeous sweet buns we do." 

Abbey glanced at her watch. "You know, it's not all that late, maybe we can still salvage something of this evening." 

"What do you have in mind?" 

"Well, I don't know about you, but now I'm hungry. How about I make us a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and we go snuggle up on the couch and watch _Sabrina_." 

Jed laughed. "From opera and five star dining to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a DVD." 

"You got a problem with that?" 

"Not at all, in fact, I think it sounds pretty darn good. I'll go grab the movie while you make the sandwiches. You want the Bogie version or the Harrison Ford?" 

"What do you think?" 

"I think you think too highly of Mr. Ford, so you're going to get Mr. Bogart tonight." 

"I have no problem with that," Abbey teased. "Bogie is sexy too. Just in a different way." 

"You know, just for that I may have to pull out an old Babette St. Onge movie." 

"Feel free." 

Really?" 

"Sure." 

"Well, okay." 

"If you never want to have sex again that is." 

"Ah," Jed laughed. "Now there's the Abbey I know and love." 

She turned to him with a smirk. 

"But how is that fair, you get to lust over your actors, but I can't lust over actresses." 

"No one ever said life was fair, honey bear. But, there is something I should probably tell you before we watch the movie." 

"Yeah, what's that?" he sulked. 

"That you, my dear husband, are absolutely adorable when you're jealous." She placed a hand against his cheek. "And you are far more attractive and far sexier than either Mr. Ford or Mr. Bogart." She tiptoed up to kiss his cheek then patted him on the rear, "Now go get the movie." 

Turning to leave the room with a smile on his face, Jed's eyes were drawn to the colorful artwork on the refrigerator courtesy of his youngest two children. 

"These are new," he commented. 

"I just pulled them out of their backpacks today," Abbey said, licking jelly off her thumb. "Read them," she urged, "They really put things into perspective." 

Jed pulled his reading glasses out of his shirt pocket and felt Abbey's hand rest on the small of his back. "What love is to me, by Nicholas Bartlet," he read aloud. "Love is when my daddy lets me pick all the colored marshmallows out of his bowl of Lucky Charms and eat them, 'cause those are his favorites and they're magically delicious." 

Jed gave a snort of laughter. "All the things I do out of love and the one thing that stands out to him is me letting him steal the marshmallows out of my cereal bowl?" 

"No one could ever doubt that he's your son," Abbey laughed softly, rubbing Jed's back. 

Still chuckling, Jed read Aislinn's contribution. "What love is to me, by Aislinn Bartlet. Love is my mommy wanting to kiss my daddy all the time even when he's being a jackass. That's not a bad word. It's a mule and it means STUBBORN." 

"Out of the mouths of babes." Abbey said innocently. 

"Yeah, and no one could ever doubt that she's YOUR daughter." 

"Or that she is extremely observant." Abbey lifted her hands to Jed's neck pulling his head down so that her lips were mere centimeters from his. 

"So, her mommy DOES like to kiss her daddy, even when he's being a jackass?" 

"Well now, that's the best time. " She smiled and pressed her lips to his kissing him with all the devotion, tenderness and understanding that she possessed. A kiss of love and healing and most of all a kiss of promise. 


	48. Altered Lives

"What are you doing, Aislinn?" CJ asked. Her young goddaughter, still in her pajamas, was walking along the couch mumbling something and moving her hand back and forth. 

"Feeding my kids." 

"Really? How many kids do you have?" 

Aislinn turned, brow knitted in concentration and pushed the tumbled curls away from her face. "Ummm...sixteen." 

"Sixteen!" CJ gasped. Abbey gave a wry smile. The number of imaginary children Aislinn had changed on an hourly basis. "How do you keep track of them all?" 

"Uhh..." Aislinn's fingers moved to her lips and she looked to her mother for advice. 

"Don't look at me," Abbey told her. "I can't keep track of sixteen grandbabies." 

"They keep track of each other," Aislinn finally decided. 

"Well now, wouldn't that make life easier." Abbey tousled her daughter's curls. 

"What about you, Nicholas?" CJ asked. "How many kids do you have?" 

Nicholas cast her a confused look. Typically, he'd been concentrating on banging a wooden peg through a hole and hadn't been paying attention to the conversation. 

"What did you say?" he asked. 

"Aislinn has sixteen kids. I was wondering how many you have?" 

He frowned. "None," he insisted then continued banging against the peg with the wooden mallet. 

"All right, you two. Go with Izzy and get dressed. I'll be in to see you before I leave for work." 

CJ's face softened her humor turning to tenderness as she watched the twins give Abbey hugs and noisy kisses. The First Lady could be tough and unyielding but there was also this soft, loving and maternal side to her that was always present when in the company of children. 

Once the kids had scampered off with their nanny, Abbey ran her hands over her thighs and turned back to CJ, joining her as she sat at the set table. 

"I know you have a lot on your plate right now," she said, "so I appreciate you taking the time to come up here and see me." 

Sitting in the sunny solarium with its friendly wicker furniture and cheerful plants to have breakfast with the First Lady, CJ pushed her scrambled eggs around her plate. "Well," she said, "when the First Lady says jump your only answer should be how high." 

Seeing Abbey wince, CJ gave her a half smile. "I was kidding, Abbey. I mean, not really, but sort of. Well, yes, you have the authority to–" 

Abbey waved a hand cutting CJ off. Lord could that woman ramble. "I get it, CJ. Look, I'm very well aware of the fact that I haven't been the easiest person to get along with lately. I want you to know that it has nothing to do with you personally. I'd have run roughshod over Leo too." 

"That's good to know, ma'am." CJ sipped her orange juice. Freshly squeezed real juice. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had real juice not out of a carton. 

"I'm not going to apologize for all of my actions over the past couple of months because frankly for the most part I don't think I have anything to apologize for, but I am sorry for my behavior yesterday. I stepped over the line. In my defense, all I can say is that I'm just trying to do what's best for my husband." 

"We all want what's best for the President." 

"Yes, you do. That's the difference between you and me. You look at Jed and you see your boss – the President. That isn't what I see. I had a whole lifetime with him before he was the President. What I see is the young man that showed up at my dorm with flowers and chocolates for our first date. I see the man who stood shifting from foot to foot nervously tugging at his bow tie but smiling from ear to ear as I walked down the aisle toward him on my father's arm on our wedding day. I see the man who spent hours deep into the night after studying all day putting together our baby's crib so her tiny room would be perfect and ready for her when she was born. I see the man who held my hand encouraging me while I labored and who cried each time he first held his new child still messy and bloody from birth but more beautiful to him than anything in the world. I see the man who stood on his feet cheering when I graduated from medical school and who learned how to cook and do laundry and braid little girls' hair so that I could fulfil my career dreams the same way he was fulfilling his. I see the father of my children, my husband, my lover, and my best friend. I see the man, CJ, not the President and I can't divorce the two, I wouldn't even try." 

CJ leaned back in her chair, eyes misting. "I'd have given anything when I was Press Secretary to have you give an answer like that." 

Abbey sipped her coffee, a little smirk touching her lips. "Just like you wish Jed had told the press that he went to Notre Dame thinking of becoming a priest but instead he met and fell in love with me?" 

"You guys really do tell each other everything. I have to admit that was a good one too." 

"Those things, CJ, they're private. They're part of who we are as couple. The minute that gets used in an interview it loses something. It's politics and it becomes cynical. 'Did Jed Bartlet really want to become a priest or did he just say that to gain the religious vote?' 'Did a young Abigail O'Neill use sex to lure Jed Bartlet away from his dreams of the priesthood?' That's just the way it is now. We've learned to play the game but there are some plays we just won't make even for the sake of a win. Some things belong to us and to us alone." 

CJ sighed and stabbed at a piece of cantaloupe. "That's fair. To be perfectly honest, I've admired that about you both. It's refreshing to work for a couple who value their relationship more than politics or their careers. Not that it didn't drive me crazy at times, of course." 

"I'm sure it did. And I'm sure I've been driving you crazy over these past two months. I've been focused on one thing and one thing only and that is getting Jed through this relapse and keeping him healthy – so focused, I barged in where I shouldn't have barged in." 

"Yes, you did." 

Abbey was momentarily taken aback but appreciated that CJ wasn't going to cut her any slack. There were too many people out there who only gave her answers they felt she wanted to hear. And, like her husband, she respected people who went against the grain. People who weren't afraid to be honest and call a spade a spade. This was a conversation long overdue and it needed to be dealt with directly and honestly. 

"I'm sorry about that. I was wrong. It won't happen again. Though, I warn you, I'll still be all over you when it comes to Jed's schedule if I think you're pushing him too hard." 

"Duly noted." 

"You were right, CJ, I did need to let go of the controls and talk to Jed. It might not have seemed like it at the time, but what you said took hold." 

CJ looked uncomfortably down at her plate of food. 

"You heard us, didn't you? Last night in the Oval?" 

"I'm sorry. The President left the door ajar to my office. I tried not to eavesdrop and I did shut the door but..." 

"Don't worry about it. We were rather loud. That argument had been festering for some time, just bubbling under the surface ready to explode. It needed to explode. You heard the fight, CJ, but you didn't hear the conclusion or the conversation we had once things calmed down. We spent our Valentine's Day coming to terms with a few things and negotiating a new way of handling things. Sometimes those are the kind of arguments you need to have to clear the air." 

"I'm glad, ma'am." When the President and First Lady fought, it was hell on everyone around them. 

"I'm sorry I've been so difficult to deal with lately. I was scared, CJ. I'm still scared. I love that man more than I love my own life." 

CJ gave a soft sigh and swallowed tightly. Would she ever know that kind of love? "I was scared too, Abbey," she said. "I'm not sure I'll ever forget walking into that room and finding the President completely paralyzed." CJ's eyes went watery with the memory and Abbey reached out to cover her hand. 

"I'll never forget getting that phone call from Millie telling me Jed was paralyzed and knowing that I was a thousand miles away and unable to be there with him. You have no idea how much I hated myself for not being there when he needed me the most." 

"He was okay, really. He handled it better than any of us did. Well, except Millie. She took over and got us all calmed down. She made the President believe that what was happening was an every day kind of thing and nothing to be particularly worried about. You were smart to send her." 

Abbey set her coffee mug down and looked at CJ with surprise. "How did you know I was behind that?" 

"The President didn't need the Surgeon General on that trip. From the beginning I thought there was something strange about that. Then when he had the relapse and admitted that he'd been having some symptoms for the past few weeks, it all made sense. I know you well enough by now to know that there is no way in hell you would have left the President's side without some kind of back up plan." 

"I didn't want to leave his side at all. I wanted to cancel India and fly with him to China but Jed was afraid that would send up some kind of red flag and raise suspicions. So, yes, I told him that the only way I would go along with not canceling my trip was if he brought Millie along with him. I told myself we'd only be apart a few days and then I'd be with him in China. He hadn't, to my knowledge, experienced a worsening of his symptoms. I convinced myself that it would be fine. But it wasn't. I still have nightmares about that moment when he woke up and couldn't move his body, of how just how terrified he must have been and I WASN'T there to comfort and reassure him." Abbey brushed impatiently at the quick flood of tears that filled her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said, regaining her composure. "I didn't mean to unload on you. I just wanted to clear things up between us. I miss our friendship." 

In a moment of complete clarity, CJ saw how it had to be for the First Lady. How isolated and alone she had to feel. Living in the White House had to, at times, feel like living in a prison, a gilded one of course, but still a prison. Her life was back in New Hampshire – her career, her friends, her colleagues, and her family. Yes, she'd cultivated friendships down here, but not the deep kind, not the kind with the level of trust she would need to be open and candid. In D.C., you always had to be watching your back and keeping up your guard. CJ knew what it was like to have so few people that you could trust and open up with and knew it had to be even worse for Abbey because the one person she counted on the most as a confidant and sounding board and all around best friend was the President, yet, in this instance, he was the person that she needed the advice about. Sure she had Millie close at hand, but as the Surgeon General, Millie had been touring the United States promoting a new program to combat childhood obesity. And, while two of her daughters were close by, Abbey was not the kind of mother that would weigh her daughters down with her problems. If anything, she would minimize them trying to be strong and holding everything together. Then to top it all off, she was at odds with the one person she might turn to on her husband's staff for understanding and support. Even strong women had their breaking point. 

"Feel free to unload away. I'm here if you ever need to talk, Abbey. I don't like this adversarial thing we've had going any more than you do." 

Abbey leaned back in her chair arms crossing under her breasts. "I get the feeling that you're referring to more than just you and me." 

"My promotion to Chief of Staff has been a tough adjustment but that's between the me and the President. I don't want to drag you into it. We're working it out." 

"Jed's a complicated guy. This thing with Leo hit him really hard." 

"I know it did. It hit us all hard." 

"Yeah, but it was different for Jed. It wasn't just the heart attack or facing his friend's mortality. Leo was the one that got Jed to run for President. Until Leo showed up on our doorstep, Jed never entertained any thoughts about becoming President. About the closest he came was when he'd spout off in frustration at what a better job he'd do if he were the President." 

CJ smiled, that sounded like Jed Bartlet. "He HAS done a better job." 

"I agree with you there. But it was Leo who made him see himself as a candidate and as a President. You all eventually became a team, but Leo knew Jed before he was 'the candidate' and there was a level of trust and intimacy there. Then all of the sudden Leo was off the team and Jed felt a little lost. I think we can all appreciate that, what it's like to lose your right hand person. But Jed also felt guilty. Leo was the one that got him to run. He was a big part in helping him get elected and make the adjustment to being President then all of the sudden Leo wasn't allowed to play anymore and Jed was. It's been an a difficult adjustment for him." 

"I appreciate that. It's been an adjustment for me too." 

"I'm sure it has been. I didn't want you to think it was because you were a woman or that he thinks less of you. It's just that you aren't Leo. Give him a little time, he'll get over it. You'll earn his trust and once you do, his loyalty will know no bounds. He believes in you, CJ. If he didn't he wouldn't have given you the job." 

"Thank you. It's nice to hear that. Sometimes it's hard to know where I stand. But I want you to know that I will never do anything to harm the President. I know it's different from what you feel, but I do care about him. We all do." 

Abbey took a moment to pour some granola into her small bowl of strawberry yogurt then turned her attention back to CJ. "I believe you. I guess I sometimes forget that just because you don't share the depth or intensity of my feelings, doesn't mean you don't care at all. I was angry at Jed for not taking better care of himself and it was easier to blame you and the staff than it was to blame him. But, no more blame. We're all going to work together from now on." 

"That sounds like a much better way of dealing with things." 

"We think so. Now, about this weekend. It is still clear, isn't it?" 

"Yes, you're free to spend your weekend on the Bay. If I might ask, ma'am, this testing that the President is having done. What exactly is it going to tell you that the MRI didn't?" 

"The MRI is less conclusive than evoked potentials testing. By the end of the testing, we should know with a firmer assertion whether or not Jed is progressing into secondary progressive M.S." Abbey's jaw tightened and she felt her stomach twist just thinking about it. "We'll need that weekend to celebrate – or to start to come to terms with it all." 

CJ attempted a smile of encouragement but it was weak. She didn't like the fear she saw in Abbey's eyes. "What's your take, ma'am?" 

"I don't see any indication that he's progressed. Nothing showed up on the MRI and he is remitting again." 

"I hear a 'but' in there." 

"But you never know. This is a fickle disease." 

CJ leaned forward, gray eyes soft with compassion. "I'm here for you if you need me." 

"Thank you, CJ," Abbey laid a hand over hers. "I appreciate that." Though she hoped with all her heart that she wouldn't be in need of that support. 

**** 

A couple hours later, CJ was in her office when the President entered having just returned from some morning meetings. 

"Do you have that new statistical report on AIDS in Africa?" he asked. 

"Yes sir, it's right here, broken down by region and country." 

Jed accepted the file and began to peruse. 

"Sir, is something wrong?" 

"Hmmm?" Jed glanced up over the rim of his glasses. 

"You're reading a report you're holding upside down." 

Jed glanced down and huffed when he saw that she was right. 

"Is everything okay?" 

"You had breakfast with my wife this morning?" 

"Yes, sir. Oh and by the way according to your youngest daughter, you are now the grandfather of sixteen of her children." 

Jed grinned. "That's better than it was yesterday. Yesterday, she had thirty. I think I'm going to have to lock that one up the minute she hits puberty." 

CJ laughed. Jed took off his glasses and turned serious. "You were right to call me on my behavior. Abbey probably told you that already, but I figure you should hear it from me as well." 

"Thank you, sir." Just as she had this morning with Abbey, she saw Jed Bartlet with much clearer eyes. With all that he'd had to deal with over the past few months personally and professionally AND with the testing he still had looming ahead, it was no wonder the man had been a little cranky. 

"This thing, this friction we've had going. It's not personal. You may not know this about me but I don't deal well with change." 

CJ bit back a smirk. "I think the fact that it took you a year to hire a new secretary might have been a tip off." 

Jed ignored her sarcasm. Replacing those he cared about like Mrs. Landingham and Leo was just not something that came easy to him and he'd be damned if he'd apologize for loyalty. "You're doing a good job, CJ. It's just–" 

"I'm not Leo," she said softly with understanding. 

"Yeah," he sighed. He turned as if to head back to his office then thought better of it and turned back around. "CJ, it's okay that you aren't Leo. You're CJ and we'll work out all the kinks." 

"Yes, sir." CJ smiled at the President's back as he departed, comparing the long heartfelt and emotional breakfast she'd shared with Abbey with the awkward, stilted conversation she'd just had with Jed. Definitely a morning that proved women were from Venus and men from Mars. 

**** 

They sat together side by side waiting for the doctor to return with the results of Jed's tests. They were silent, each tense and lost in their own thoughts and worries but physically connected by touch. When the doctor finally entered the room, Abbey felt Jed flinch, saw his jaw flex and tighten and responded with a comforting squeeze of her hand that drew his eyes from the doctor to her. She gave him a reassuring smile, a smile that told him no matter what the doctor said, it would be okay. They would be okay. Taking a deep breath, Jed turned back to face the man who had taped electrodes to his head then tested his eye response with a strobe light, his hearing with earphones and clicking noises and finally sent electrical impulses into the muscles of his arms and legs. This was the man who now held the fate of his future in his hands. 

"Okay, Doc." He blew out the air he'd inhaled when he realized he was holding his breath. "Hit me with it straight. What can I expect?" 

Abbey's hand tightened on his and she felt her stomach churn. 

"I think you can expect to feel even better and stronger than you do right now. Your responses fall into the normal range and I'm happy to say that you are in remission." 

Jed barely allowed himself to hope. "Then I'm not moving into secondary progressive?" 

"I see no indication in either the MRI or today's testing to suggest that. From the way you have bounced back, we can only conclude that you are still relapsing and remitting and I see no reason to think that may change any time in the near future." 

"You don't think I'll progress? Are you sure?" 

Abbey's chest ached at the heartfelt hopeful question. 

"I can't be sure of anything, Mr. President. However, since your initial diagnosis, you have had a very mild course of M.S. I think perhaps because you were put on the betaserone early, it has kept your symptoms at bay much of the time and has certainly prevented you from having major relapses like this one you just experienced. In my opinion that is what you will probably experience throughout your life, symptoms that come and go much like people who deal with migraines or other chronic illnesses and perhaps a relapse here and there. However, I think that with proper attention to your symptoms, you will be able to prevent the kind of relapse you just went through." 

"Why do you think he had such a strong relapse this time?" Abbey asked. Already the wheels were turning in her head to prevent it from ever happening again. 

"There was a lot of stress going on in the President's life at the time. The trouble in the Middle East, the peace talks at Camp David, his Chief of Staff's heart attack–" 

Jed lifted a hand. "I don't mean to belittle any of that, doctor, but I'm under stress like that all the time. And to be honest, the year before, when my wife and daughters were kidnapped and I was dealing with the aftermath of that, well, that was the most stress I've ever been under in my life but I didn't relapse then." 

It was Abbey's turn to flinch. Jed looked to her, saw the pain in her eyes, the tension in her brow. Reminders of that awful time hurt her. He pulled her hand up onto his lap, holding it between both of his, reminding her that whatever had happened was in the past and had been forgiven and forgotten. She glanced over at him and he was relieved to see the pain fade with the acceptance of his forgiveness. 

"Of course I can't know for sure – the body can work in mysterious ways – but, what I can tell you is that at a certain point your body adjusts and gets used to a certain level of tension and stress so when there is an emotional overload, it is not as strongly felt physically. This time though, you'd been away for almost a month relaxing on a second honeymoon with your wife. Your stress levels were probably way down and then you returned home and were hit with all of this making the shock to the system even greater. And then on top of that, you got sick with the flu and, to be perfectly blunt, you ignored your symptoms and went off another high stress trip to China. I'd have been amazed if you didn't relapse. When you are experiencing symptoms it is important not to ignore them. Get more rest, eat healthy, and exercise." 

"My wife is smiling at you because you've just said what she tells me all the time." 

The doctor grinned at them both. "Your wife is a smart lady. Our bodies tell us things all the time. The problem is that most of the time we aren't listening or we choose to ignore. Listen to your body, Mr. President; don't ignore what it is telling you. Get a good night's sleep; take a short break during the day, even if it's not to sleep but simply to relax. Eat healthy, get moderate exercise and continue to take your betaserone and I think relapses like this will be few and far between – if any. I think given your history and how quickly you bounced back this relapse was the exception rather than the rule." 

All the worry, all the fear, all the tension left Jed's body in one long exhale of relief. He wasn't progressing into secondary M.S. All the nightmares he'd had about the wheelchair and cognitive difficulties and paralysis were not harbingers of what was to come, but simply nightmares. His prognosis for a healthy future was quite good. With a stab of horror, he felt the sting of tears pierce his eyes. He was NOT going to cry in front of the doctor. Forcing the emotion back, he stiffened his shoulders. Abbey saw the battle and lent him a hand. 

"You know what this means, don't you?" she asked with a sultry smile designed to help him hold back his tears. 

"What?" He very nearly choked out the word. 

"It means we have quite a celebration in store, Mr. President." 

Jed smiled through his tears and lifted Abbey's hand to his lips. "I like the way you think, Madam First Lady." 


	49. Altered Lives

"Mommy, you're being mean." 

Abbey was standing at Jed's dresser rifling through his underwear drawer, picking out which pairs she was going to pack. Quickly deciding on the royal and navy blue boxer/briefs and black silk boxers, she glanced up her sulking son. 

"How am I being mean, Nick?" she asked, while adding the underwear to the clothes she'd already packed. 

"Why can't me and Aislinn come with you and Daddy?" The little boy crossed his arms over his skinny chest his lower lip jutting out with a little tremble. 

Abbey sat next to him on the bed, slipping an arm around him to pull him close, holding tighter when he struggled to pull away. "You know we talked about this. Sometimes mommies and daddies need grown up time alone." 

"Why? You don't like us?" 

"Oh, Nicky B." Abbey tilted his chin looking into his big baby blue eyes, her mother's guilt pounding fast and furious. "I don't just like you, I LOVE you with all my heart and all my soul." 

"Then why can't I come?" 

Abbey sighed. "Because sometimes we all have to do things without each other. Daddy and I don't go to school with you and Aislinn, do we?" 

Nicholas shrugged unwilling to let go of his sulk. 

"Well sometimes mommies and daddies do things without their kids. I love Daddy very much, just like I love the two of you, but I don't get to see him nearly as much as I get to see you and Aislinn, so sometimes it's important that we get to spend time alone together so we can talk to each other." 

"Yeah sure, talk," Zoey said, as she came out of the bathroom with the cosmetic bag her mother had sent her in to get. "I'm sure you'll be doing a lot of talking wearing this." She stopped in front of the leather garment bag that held the sexy dress Abbey planned on wearing that evening and shot her mother a knowing look. Zoey had peeked. Abbey returned the look with one of warning. 

"Sarcasm does not become you, dear." 

Zoey smiled. "Don't worry, kiddos," she said. "You wouldn't want to go with Mom and Dad and watch them spend all weekend making kissy faces at each other anyway." 

Nicholas giggled as Zoey contorted her features into exaggerated kissing faces. His giggles drew Aislinn out from under the covers of Abbey and Jed's bed where she had promptly hidden when she realized her mother was not going to be swayed to let her and Nicky accompany them. 

Abbey smiled in spite of herself. "Very funny," she said, slapping her daughter lightly on the rear as she passed her by on the way to her dresser. "But Zoey is right. You both would be very bored out there at this time year. But, I'll tell you what. If you're both good kids while your Daddy and I are gone, we'll plan a weekend when it gets a little warmer to go sailing on the Bay." 

"And ride our ponies?" Aislinn asked. 

"Yes, and you can ride your ponies." 

Just as Abbey began to zip the suitcase shut, the door burst open and Jed came bustling through. 

"Good, good, glad you're still here," he said. 

"What's wrong?" Abbey asked, watching him begin to root through his closet. 

"Nothing's wrong. There's something I thought you might want to bring." 

Abbey's breath caught in her throat. He wouldn't pull out the "things" in front of the kids, would he? Even though they'd put them in a locked box there would be questions. Their children were Bartlets. Nothing went unnoticed. 

"It's a little gift I never got the chance to give you the other night. Ah ha, here it is." Triumphantly, he pulled out a shiny wrapped box and Abbey let her breath out on a sigh of relief. 

"I wonder what this could be," her lips twisted wryly at the thin box that obviously held lingerie and she bent to fit it in the suitcase. Jed stopped her, wrapping his arms around behind her and nuzzling into her neck. 

"Something I sure don't need," he grinned against her ear, "but will enjoy immensely." 

"Don't go any further please," Zoey groaned with a roll of her eyes. "There are some images I just don't need." 

"You sure, Zo?" Abbey asked. "I could open it up now if you'd like to check it out." 

"No, thank you." Zoey was well aware of her parents' close and intimate relationship with the people at Victoria's Secret. 

"Daddy, why can't Nicky and me come with you and Momma?" Aislinn flounced in front of Jed, grabbing onto his leg. Jed caught Abbey's raised brow and figured there was a little 'divide and conquer' going on. 

"Because sometimes married people like to do things alone. You get your mother to yourself all the time. This weekend is my turn." 

"Are you going away so you can make kissy faces at Mommy?" Aislinn scrunched her face letting him know how icky she found the idea. 

"Kissy faces?" 

"Uh huh." 

"You mean like these?" Jed closed his hands as if in prayer then puckered his lips and faced his wife. "Oh Abbey, Abbey, fairest damsel in the kingdom, please bestow a kiss on this lowly serf." 

To the children's laughing delight, Abbey placed a theatrical but chaste kiss to his cheek. 

"I hope I get a little more heat than that later," he whispered into her ear. 

"Stoke my fires, babe, and I'll show you heat," she whispered back. The husky promise drew a response in Jed's body that had him drawing away from her before the tightening in his pants became noticeable. 

"Daddy," Aislinn pranced around his legs. "Do kissy faces for me." 

So, while Jed goofed around with the kids making kissy faces like some demented Shakespearean actor, Abbey finished their packing – including the box he'd given her and her own purchase from Victoria's Secret. After all, they had all weekend. 

**** 

Two hours later, Abbey arrived at the big house on the bay...alone. Well, as alone as one could be when trailed by a few Secret Service agents. She was getting an early start on the weekend, planning to set the stage for the romantic evening they'd missed out on back on Valentine's Day. Jed was flying out on Marine One and joining her in few hours after he tied up some loose ends. 

One agent carried their luggage from the car while another carried her garment bag and overnight case and she carried a big paper sack filled with the groceries she'd ask the kitchen staff to pick up for her. 

"Thanks, guys. Appreciate the help," Abbey called out over her shoulder as she continued on down the hall to the kitchen. 

"Anything else we can do for you, ma'am?" 

"No, thanks. I'm in for the day." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Abbey smiled when she heard the door shut and she set her sack of groceries on the counter. Peace and quiet. She was truly all alone in a house – no agents, no domestic staff, and no aides coming and going. In spite of the size of the White House, privacy was at a premium there and Abbey now relished the quiet. Already dressed in comfy cooking clothes – a pair of old faded jeans and an equally faded Red Sox T-shirt – Abbey tied an apron around her waist and set to work on the evening's meal. She and Jed had compromised on the macrobiotic diet. He had promised to adhere to a slightly modified version of the diet that included no tofu – a dealbreaker – and the inclusion of more meats. She had agreed to his terms providing those meats were lean and that he actually EAT his vegetables. He had countered with the ability to cheat every once in a while. Negotiating his diet had been right up there with negotiating Middle East peace. Abbey smiled thinking back on the conversation and lifted the window behind the sink to allow the breeze to carry in the bay. There was nothing like the tangy scent of the sea, and while not as strong as in Maine, there was a slight brine to the chilly February air. 

She turned on the radio, grimacing when she heard the news. She didn't want the news. She had enough of the news. This was a news-free weekend. Quickly, she rifled through the box of CD's they'd left there and put one in – _The Best of Motown_. Singing along with the familiar songs, her hips swaying, she rinsed off the organic vegetables she'd filched from the White House kitchen and set to chopping. Red, green, and yellow peppers, broccoli, carrots, onions, garlic, and fresh gingerroot. She was making a chicken and almond stir-fry. After sliding the chopped vegetables into plastic baggies to be cooked later, she put them away in the crisper then pulled out the ingredients for a creamy banana pudding. Once it was bubbling on the stove, she smiled as she poured the pure New Hampshire maple syrup into the rest of the ingredients. The ONE thing Jed couldn't complain about with this diet was the fact that the preferred sweetener, in whatever was being cooked, was maple syrup. If anything could make the man come around, it was that. 

Once the pudding was cooling in the fridge, Abbey glanced at her watch to check the time. She still had plenty of time for a nice long bubble bath and preparations to knock her husband's socks off. 

It had been ages since she'd been alone to relax in the tub without being interrupted by kids who didn't understand the concept of a mommy needing privacy or a staff who didn't understand the concept of a First Lady and wife needing time alone, and she took the opportunity to take full advantage. She brought a nice glass of Cabernet with her then sank into the tub with a bodice ripper. Around Christmas, when Jed had been having problems with his vision, she had spent the night reading a Grisham novel to him. He'd made a comment that he would prefer something sexy like those books that had women with their boobs falling out on the covers. Bodice rippers, she'd informed him. Abbey hadn't read a historical romance novel since she was in high school. It had been the height of her lackluster teen rebellion to hide them from Sister Superior who'd already caught her reading one of the gothic romances that were so popular in the 1960's and 1970's and told her she was in danger of purgatory for reading such sinful filth. Abbey had ignored her figuring that if God created sex, it couldn't be ALL bad. But, just to be on the safe side, she did bring it to the priest's attention during confession and did her penance like a good Catholic girl. She smiled at the memory of the innocent, confused, young teen she had once been. And those novels had NOTHING on the bodice rippers that were to come. Abbey had glanced through a few of those late 80's versions when Elizabeth had discovered the genre with her friends and she'd wanted to keep tabs on what her daughter was reading. It had been quite eye opening and had led to some interesting mother/daughter conversations. Now she had one of those novels in hand and it was time to scan it for a sexy scene that she could read to her husband. 

What Abbey hadn't counted on was getting turned on. The novel was pretty racy and by the time she chose a scene, her body was humming with arousal. Her mind had wandered while she read imagining Jed in the heated scenes and knowing that in no time at all he'd be here taking HER to heights of passion that little lady in the book could only dream about. Lethargically, she set the book aside and ran the soapy loofah over her breasts. Her nipples tightened and she closed her eyes fantasizing that Jed was here in the tub with her. That it was he who ran the loofah lovingly over her body, his lips closing over her nipple as he pushed the loofah lower rubbing between her thighs. Her sigh turned to a startled gasp of surprise when her cell phone rang. "Sixty Minute Man" – it was Jed. She pulled the loofah from between her legs, tossed it aside, and reached for the phone. 

"Hey, babe," she said, "I was just thinking about you." 

Her voice had that husky, sultry tone to it that Jed found irresistible. "Really? What are you doing?" he asked. 

"Taking a bath." 

In an instant, Jed had a vision of her nude body immersed in the bathtub, nipples peeking out at him through the bubbles. "And thinking about me?" His own voice was lower, moving into sex play. 

"Uh huh. You do amazing things with a loofah, you know." She smiled as she heard him groan on the other end. 

"Dammit, Abbey, you're killing me here." 

She gave a sensual laugh. "Are you sitting at your desk in the Oval?" 

"Yes." 

"Are you getting hard?" 

"God, yes." 

"Good," she laughed again. "Because I'm pretty frustrated myself. Hurry up and get here." 

"I'll be there in just over an hour. DON'T get started without me. I want you hot and frustrated and needy as hell. No more playing with the loofah – or anything else." 

"Is that an order, Mr. President?" She was pure baby doll flirt and it was driving him crazy – as the little minx very well knew. 

"From your Commander-in-Chief," he said firmly. 

"Ooohhh...I love it when you get all tough and macho. But you better hurry and get here. I can only obey orders for so long." 

"I'll be there, don't you worry. Love you." 

"Love you too." 

"Debbie!" Jed shouted when he hung up. 

Shaking her head at the unused intercom, Debbie entered the Oval Office. 

"You bellowed?" 

"Yes, let's get things moving. I wanna get out of here." 

"Yes sir." Debbie turned with a grin and went to get the President's next appointment. She knew the First Lady was waiting for him in Maryland and to say that the man was eager to join her was putting it mildly. 

**** 

By the time Jed arrived in Port Harmony, the scene for seduction had been set. The house smelled delicious – of vanilla and jasmine candles and sautéing garlic and onions. On the way down the hall to the kitchen, Jed paused to peer into the living room. Candles burned throughout the room, a fire blazed cheerily in the hearth and Abbey had set the table in front of the fire the classic china and silver gleaming in the light. Two long white tapers stood elegantly waiting to be lit when they ate their meal. Music came from the back of the house. 

"Abbey!" he called out. "Abbey, I'm here." 

Abbey stepped out of the kitchen wiping her hands on the apron she wore tied around her waist. Jed's breath caught in his throat. 

"Hot DAMN, woman. That's a new dress." 

Abbey grinned seductively and whipped off the apron lifting her arm to pose in the doorway. "You like?" 

He lifted a brow. What wasn't to like? The emerald and black silk sheath skimmed over her curves barely covering her hips before stopping well above her knees. With the dress, she wore knee high black boots with four-inch heels that that were downright erotic. Best of all, the dress appeared to zip up the front and Abbey had the zipper pushed down low enough to flash a good amount of creamy cleavage – including a glimpse of black bra lace. Her bright auburn hair fell loose and long, tumbling over her shoulders. 

"Jed?" 

"Sorry, you knocked the wind out of me." 

A dimple flashed in Abbey's cheek as she smiled with feminine delight. 

"You look amazing." He approached her with a look of lust that had her holding a hand up to ward him off. 

"No hanky panky until after supper," she admonished. "I've got it cooking right now." 

"Okay, let's see how fast we can eat." 

She laughed and looked pointedly at the dozen or so red roses that he held in one arm. "Are those for me or are you going to hold them all night." 

Jed looked down with surprise. He'd forgotten he was even holding the flowers, his brain having gone gaga at the sight of his wife. "These are for you. I had to throw out the ones I got you for Valentine's Day." 

She took the flowers and gave him a quick kiss, her light floral scent lingering behind even as she walked away toward the kitchen to find vases for the flowers. Jed followed his eyes on her swaying hips. Man, did that woman know how to WALK. His pants grew even tighter in the groin when Abbey lifted an arm to pull down a vase and the dress rose baring the silk clips on the black lace garter she was wearing under her dress. YES! She was wearing a garter. 

"You sure we have to eat supper first?" 

Abbey turned, her eyes drawn down to the growing bulge between his legs. "You've made it this long, I think you can hold out a bit longer." 

"You're enjoying torturing me, aren't you?" 

"Maybe just a little." She gave him a sexy little wink then turned back to the counter to toss the water chestnuts and pea pods in with the sautéing vegetables. 

Jed loved to watch her cook. She was a graceful woman moving fluidly about the room in the four-inch stiletto heels chopping and dicing with a surgeon's precision and with an economy of movement that was truly impressive. She shook the wok with one hand while stirring the rice with the other, pausing every now and again to take a sip from her glass of wine. She had multi-tasking down to a fine art. 

Abbey had counted on her husband's one track mind and, if she had to lean over to reach for the soy sauce or bend over to get another saucepan from the bottom cupboard giving him more tantalizing glimpses of lacy lingerie and bare flesh, well, that was just an added bonus in her seduction. She didn't need to wear sexy lingerie for Jed, though he did enjoy it. She wore it because she liked how it made her feel, sexy, feminine, sensuous and alluring. And sexy was an attitude as much as it was anything else. 

From the way her husband was removing his tie, unbuttoning his shirt at his throat and gulping from the glass of Pinot Noir she'd poured for him, her plan was working exactly the way she hoped. Not that she was immune, of course. Her entire body tingled knowing Jed's eyes were on her while she worked. She'd felt provocative when putting on the racy underwear and suggestive dress but it was nothing compared to how she felt right now with her husband's eyes lustily following her every move. There was nothing like feeling womanly and desired, especially for a woman who'd been married for as long as she had. 

**** 

Supper was eaten by the glow of candlelight and the serenade of love songs. Anticipation for what would follow grew with every bite. By the time Abbey rose and asked him if he was ready for dessert, Jed's patience was gone. 

"The only dessert I want right now is you." He took her wrist and pulled her into his arms. One hand rose and he lovingly stroked it over her soft cheek, sapphire eyes glittering with a combination of love and desire that turned Abbey's legs to putty. 

"More than my banana pudding?" She gave a soft smile and tilted her head to the side when he began to nuzzle her neck in that sweet spot guaranteed to thwart any resistance. She wasn't resisting. She was as ready for this as Jed – her mission accomplished. Her husband was relaxed and so randy, his lust would cloud over any doubts or worries he might still have about his ability to perform. 

"Much more than your banana pudding." His lips moved up her neck, along her jaw and finally captured her lips. Like a lit fuse, the two ignited. There would be no teasing, no coaxing, just pure greedy need. Long, hard, hot, tongue-tangling kisses continued while they tore at each other's clothes. Jed grabbed at the zipper that sat teasingly between Abbey's breasts and yanked it down. The dress fell open exposing a black lace see-through demi bra that could barely contain the full swells of her soft white breasts. Her nipples were already hard, jutting out against the lace. He couldn't resist. He buried his face into the soft pillow of her cleavage, nuzzling and nipping at the soft skin while his thumbs teased her nipples. Abbey's fingers ran through his thick hair finally yanking his head back. His eyes had grown slumberous. 

"What?" 

She gave a sultry smile and shrugged out of the dress standing before him as erotic as any centerfold in her sexy underwear and knee high boots. She was all black lace, creamy skin and fiery hair. Tiny, transparent thong panties barely hid the springy curls and wet center at the apex of her thighs where Jed's eyes were now centered. The lacy black garter belt stretched over her womanly hips emphasizing her slender hourglass figure. 

"God, Abbey, I'm gonna jump you right now." He reached for her again and she laughed, husky and throaty. 

"Not with your clothes on you're not. You're a little overdressed for the party." She'd gotten his shirt untucked and half unbuttoned while they were kissing but it was not nearly enough. She reached out to work on the buttons and found that her hands were shaking with need. 

"Dammit," she swore in frustration. "This is taking way too long." And with one yank she ripped the shirt apart sending buttons scattering across the hardwood floor. Momentarily taken aback, Jed gave a deep laugh. He lifted her chin and gazed into her shining moss green eyes. Her cheeks had taken on a decided flush of excitement. 

"All you had to do was say you wanted to jump my bones instead." 

"I do want to jump your bones. God, I want to jump your bones." 

Jed's throat tightened at the need in Abbey's voice, at the appreciation lighting in her eyes. He'd missed this. Missed seeing how much his wife desired him. 

Abbey shoved the shirt off his shoulders and licked her bottom lip with anticipation. Lord, how she loved his chest, so hard and masculine with the smattering of dark bronze hair. She laid her palms flat on his pecs appreciating his newly toned body. The upper body exercises he'd been doing in rehab had toned and tightened the muscles in his arms, chest and belly, taking his body back to where it had been before he ran for President. 

"You feel great, babe." Her hands moved lower, palms running in circles over his belly as she touched her lips to his nipple, tonguing it to life. 

"Abbey," he sighed. "I think I better apologize now." 

Abbey's heart sank for a moment, but a quick brush of her hand told her that Jed was still brick hard. 

"I'm not going to make it very long this first time." 

She gave a soft laugh. 'Don't worry about it, neither am I." Giving one last flick of her tongue over his nipple, she began trailing her lips down between his pecs and over his abdomen to slide her tongue into his navel. 

Jed's breath caught in his throat as Abbey dropped to her knees before him, her face eye level with his groin. Oh, God, he knew what came next. 

Her fingers moved to his fly, unzipping him carefully, making sure to slide both his pants and boxers over his hips. His belly tightened and quivered as her tongue traced the narrow line of tawny hair that trailed down from his belly button pointing like an arrow to the place where he wanted her most. And then she was face to face with his massive erection. 

"I remember you," she said and bent to kiss the little bead of creamy liquid that sat at the tip her smile widening at Jed's sharp intake of breath. His penis quivered bobbing and hardening even more, if that was possible. 

"He remembers you too," Jed bit out from behind his clenched teeth. "But he's feeling a little insecure." 

Her fingertips stroking the insides of his thighs, Abbey tilted her head to the side and looked up at him. "Why is he insecure? He knows me." 

"Yes, but now you've known someone else and Old Hickory doesn't have those twirling heads and pulsing beads and three speeds of vibration. He's a little old fashioned." 

She smiled, her attention moving back to his penis, stroking it lovingly. "Don't worry," she murmured her lips moving against the shaft. "You know I love you best. That other one – he didn't mean anything to me – it was just sex. It was nothing like the kind of relationship that you and I have. You know I've always been a sucker for an old fashioned guy." 

Jed grinned at the conversation, ran a hand over the top of her head. "You DO remember I'm here, don't you." 

"Oh, I remember all right. Let's see if you remember this." Slowly she ran her tongue from the base of Jed's shaft all the way to the tip, then engulfed him fully in her mouth enjoying the choked sound he made and the way his buttocks tightened under her hands. She loved his musky taste. Loved how he felt – so satiny soft over such rigid hardness. She could actually feel his pulse in the blood running through his erection. 

"Abbey," he gave a harsh gasp of pleasure and dug his fingers her hair. "I can't...not tonight...I won't hold out. I want YOU...I want to be in you." 

Abbey released him with one final kiss, gave his tight testicles one last soft caress and pulled him down to his knees in front of her. "I want you too." She kissed him again. This time he tasted himself in her mouth. 

It didn't take much to rip away the tiny scrap of panties she wore and he jammed his hand between her legs, smiling as she gave a little squeak and bit his lip when he unerringly found the wet, swollen, little bud and rubbed on it. 

Abbey pushed Jed onto his back on the carpet and straddled him. Her whole body quivered with anticipation as she gently guided his penis to her entry and sank down on him. They both gave identical groans of pleasure as he filled her. Abbey only stopped when he was inside her to his hilt. 

Jed swallowed, watching how she closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip savoring the feeling of being stretched and filled. Her hands ran over her lower belly as if he were so deep she could feel him there. She still wore her bra and garter and he could feel the cool leather of her boots against his hips and thighs. Somehow it was even more carnal than complete nudity. 

"Abbey, baby, you gotta move," he groaned. 

"Give me a sec," Abbey was nearly panting. "I'm too close to coming." Just the feel of Jed alive and pulsing within her had nearly sent her over the edge and she wasn't ready for that yet. Finally, when Jed could no longer stand the incredibly tantalizing tight massage of her contracting vaginal muscles and was just about to lose control and flip her over to drive within her, she opened her eyes, smiled at him and bent over his body, tossing her hair over one shoulder. 

"Welcome home," she said against his lips as her body began rocking against him . Jed almost came at the first thrust back into her warm wet depths but fought it, wanting it to go on forever. His hands moved over her back and he grasped her soft, firm rear in his hands squeezing her and giving her an extra pull onto him with each thrust down. A soft sound came from the back of Abbey's throat each time he hit her womb. The need grew fast and furious; there would be no slow rise to climax this time. Abbey rode him fast and hard until they were both out of their minds with pleasure and driving each other to release. 

Jed thrust up into her harder and faster answering her pleas, making her writhe on him, her fingernails digging into his arms. His climax was fighting for release, ready to explode but he fought it sensing that Abbey was close. The cries of pleasure she was releasing into his mouth had grown sharper and more urgent. Her whole body was quivering, her back arching, and then she ripped her mouth from his and without the inhibition of children next door or agents just outside, she threw her head back screaming "Jed!" as she came. Her sheath contracted around him, squeezing him hard and that was all it took. A few grunting thrusts more and this time it was Jed who was shouting Abbey's name to the rafters, pulsing his own release into her body. The sensation of the hot, pumping flow of liquid sent Abbey right back over the edge into the darkness of the abyss where there was only the two of them and nothing else mattered but their union. 

It took Jed a while to regain his breath and his bearings. Abbey lay sprawled over him, her thighs still straddling him, his body still embedded within her, her face buried into his neck. They were on the dining room floor, their romantic dinner music still playing in the background. Andrea Bocelli now. Softly, his chest still rising into Abbey's breasts, Jed brushed his mouth against her ear and sang along softly, the Italian coming easily to him. 

>   
>  __
> 
> "Te vojo bene assai   
> ma tanto tanto bene sai   
> è una catena ormai   
> che scioglie il sangue dint’e vene sai..."

"Translate please," Abbey murmured languidly into his neck. 

"I love you very much, very, very much, you know; it is a chain by now that heats the blood inside the veins, you know..." 

Abbey lifted her chin and gazed down into Jed's sweat dampened gorgeous face, his features gone soft with satiation. Her heart swelled with love. 

"Abbey?" he questioned, as he ran his fingertips over the tracks her tears were leaving down her cheeks. 

Abbey hadn't even realized that she was crying. It was too much, the emotions of the past couple of months crashing in on her. All the worry, fear and anxiety washed away in a tide of relief and release. Her chest constricted. 

"I love you." She barely choked the words out before being overcome by the enormity of it all and bursting into tears. Jed pulled her back down to his chest, his arms wrapping around her in comfort, one hand running soothingly up and down the bare expanse of her back. His own eyes watered in response. 

"I know, baby," he murmured into her hair. "I know. _La bella moglie ed il mio amore_." 'My beautiful wife, my love'. Abbey smiled and kissed his tear-drenched shoulder. It wasn't the first time he'd spoken those words to her and this time she did not require a translation. Instead, she responded in kind. 

" _La bella marito ed il mio amore._ " She cupped his face adoration shining in her eyes as she looked down on him and spoke in husky English. "My beautiful husband, my love." 


	50. Altered Lives

Abbey woke slowly from a deep sleep, her internal alarm clock going off in spite of the fact that she had no reason to rise. No work, no kids...Mmm...No kids. Much as she missed them, she could not say that she was missing them right now. She was nude, pressed up against Jed's back spooning him, the skin at the nape of his neck warm under her lips, her breasts pressed into his back, the top of her smooth thighs pressed into the back of his more masculine, hairy ones. One of her arms lay over his torso, her hand resting against his belly, low enough that she could feel the insistent nudge of something against her wrist. A sleepy, knowing smile curved on her lips, as she was instantly aware of what it was. She pressed a kiss into the sweet spot at the top of his spine and gently closed her hand around the heavy tumescence of his straining morning erection. Slowly, she slid her hand up and down along the hard shaft. 

Waking at her first touch, Jed pretended to be asleep, not wanting her to stop her agonizingly pleasurable ministrations. Abbey had never been shy or hesitant about initiating sex – one of the more exciting aspects of her personality. He bit his bottom lip, stifling a groan and forced his hips to stay still when all they wanted to do was thrust forward into the soft glove of her stroking hand. 

"Jed?" The combination of her throaty voice and the feel of her soft thatch of pubic hair brushing against his bare bottom caused a low moan to escape from deep in his throat. 

"Are you trying to take advantage of me?" His voice was heavy with sleep, but held a catch of desire. 

"Absolutely. Do you have a problem with that?" 

"Do I look crazy to you?" 

She laughed softly, backing away so he could turn into her arms. She threw her leg up over his thigh aligning their hips so his penis was pressed into her warm cleft. She gave a long sigh when he slid his length along there with a few teasing strokes, finding her more than wet enough from the night before to take him. They were each still more asleep than awake when Jed entered her with one long full glide. Both on their sides, face to face, they reached for each other's buttocks and rocked slowly together, pulling their bodies more tightly into contact each time they came together. This time it was a slow, sweet, sleepy rise to climax and when it was over, with no need to rush the day, they both dozed back off to sleep. 

Jed woke about an hour and a half later, still entangled in Abbey's arms and legs. Gently, trying not to wake her, he disengaged himself and rose from the bed. Smiling tenderly, he bent down to kiss her forehead and tuck the covers back in around her – though it was a shame to cover those beautiful naked breasts. She stirred at the brush of his lips. 

"Where're you going?" she yawned. 

"I'm going to take a shower and get breakfast started. I'm starving. Go back to sleep. There's no rush to get up." 

She smiled sleepily and rolled back over. Sex always made Jed hungry. 

About a half-hour later, Abbey woke again. Glancing at the clock, she was surprised to see that it was almost nine o'clock. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept this late. Stretching, feeling better than she had in a long while, she took her time getting out of bed. Somewhat reluctantly she stepped into the shower, erasing much of the evidence of their lovemaking. It had been a long time since she'd smelled Jed on her skin, felt the milky residue of his passion sticky between her thighs. Her shower was quick and with the smells coming from the kitchen luring her downstairs, she simply combed out her wet hair, rubbed some moisturizer into her face and slid into her silk cream colored bathrobe. 

Abbey could hear Jed whistling happily as she made her way down the hall. It was so nice to hear him happy again – there had been far too much serious gloom over the last couple of months. When she entered the kitchen, she found him standing at the stove flipping pancakes wearing a pair of worn jeans that did amazing things to his very sexy posterior and a sky blue thermal shirt the exact color of his eyes. He was barefooted, his hair still damp from his shower and she couldn't resist the move to slide up behind him slipping her hands into the back pockets of his jeans and squeezing. She inhaled deeply taking in the fresh scent of Irish Spring, bay rum, and Jed. 

"You smell divine," she said, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. 

He turned with a smile and rested his hands on her hips. The full wattage of that smile could still make Abbey's heart skip a beat. 

"You sure it isn't the pancakes and bacon?" he asked. 

"That smells good too," she admitted. 

"Good." He kissed the tip of her nose. "Now have a seat and I'll get your breakfast. You took care of supper. I've got breakfast." 

Abbey poured herself a big mug of coffee then sat at the kitchen table watching Jed place the delicious smelling blueberry wheat pancakes, crispy bacon and warmed maple syrup on the table before her where he'd already set their plates. 

They were just finishing their breakfast when their was a knock at the door. 

"Let me guess..." Abbey raised a resigned brow. 

"I won't be long." 

Catching the apologetic look in his eyes, Abbey softened. He had a job to do, she knew that, and this was all part of the deal. It was just – after seven years – this was all getting a little tiresome. But, the light at the end of the tunnel was there in view, she just had be a little more patient and send out another novena out to whomever it was that came up with the amendment limiting a president to two terms. 

"It's okay." She rested a hand on his forearm as he began to rise to answer the door. "Take your time. I have to get dressed and I want to get a beef stew started for tonight." 

"Sir." An agent poked his head through the front door. "Your national security advisors are here." 

"Send 'em in." 

He was pouring himself another cup of coffee when Kate, Bill, Carlos, and Louis entered the kitchen. Abbey was still seated at the kitchen table finishing her coffee. 

"Are we interrupting?" Louis asked a bit nervously. 

"Not at all," Abbey smiled graciously. "Would you like a cup of coffee or juice before your meeting?" 

"No, ma'am, but thank you." 

Kate couldn't help but stare at Abbey. This was not the same tense, brittle woman who had icily demanded Kate pull her husband out of a meeting. This woman with her tumbling damp curls, flushed cheeks, sparkling eyes and easy smile was anything but icy. Kate's eyes moved from the First Lady to the President. He seemed different too – more relaxed, easygoing. She watched him brush his hand over the First Lady's shoulder and the tender look they shared and she quickly averted her eyes to the floor. There was something in that look, something so intimate it was like catching them in bed together. It was plain to see just how the ice had been melted and what had been going on here this weekend. She felt a twinge of something – something she shoved back with guilt refusing to acknowledge it for what it was – a spark of jealousy. 

"Okay, guys, let's take this to the study." Jed led the way like the Pied Piper and Kate was the first to follow, grateful to get away from the feelings seeing the Bartlets together had aroused in her. 

When Jed had gone, Abbey tidied up the kitchen and poured the big carton of beef stew the White House chef had prepared for them into a crockpot to heat slowly all day. Then, after packing them up a lunch, she went upstairs to dress. February on the Chesapeake was nothing like February back home in New Hampshire where there were probably still a few feet of snow on the ground, but it wasn't exactly Florida either. Sticking her hand out the window of her bedroom, she judged it to be around fifty degrees. She threw on a pair of jeans and a ribbed mocked turtleneck, then dug into Jed's suitcase pulling out the two Irish fisherman's sweaters she'd packed – the ones they'd bought on their second honeymoon in Ireland. One was an oatmeal cream color, the other blue-gray. She decided to save the blue-gray one for Jed – he looked so great in that color – and she slipped the cream colored one over her head. It was baggy on her, fell almost to her knees, and she had to roll up the sleeves a bit, but that was the way she liked it. It was loose, comfortable, warm, and it had a faint smell of Jed. 

"You're swimming in that you know." 

Abbey turned at Jed's amused tone. 

"It's comfortable," she said. "Meeting over?" 

"Yep." 

"No international crisis'?" 

"There are always international crises, but nothing that needs immediate attention." 

"Then you're all mine?" 

"Do with me what you will." 

She tossed him the blue sweater. "Put it on. We're going for a walk by the water and it'll probably be a little nippy." 

"A walk?" 

"Yes, a walk. What did you think? We'd lay in bed and have sex all day." 

"Now you're talking!" Enthusiastically, he grabbed her around the waist and spun her around. 

"Put me down," she laughed. "We're going for a walk." 

**** 

They walked hand in hand along the bluff overlooking the wide expanse of a choppy Chesapeake Bay. The sun was shining brightly but the wind off the bay carried a decided chill. Abbey slipped her arm through Jed's and leaned against him, enjoying the brisk air, the sunshine on her face and the warmth of her husband's body. He smiled down on her. 

"Cold?" 

"No, I just want to snuggle." 

"Fine by me." He pulled her closer to his side. He held a walking stick in his other hand. Abbey had wanted him to bring the cane in case he got tired. He'd prefer to burn the thing. So they compromised with the strong, thick stick. They walked in companionable silence watching the gulls squawk overhead and the pelicans dive bombing the waves for their breakfast. The gentle waves lapping the beach brought to them both a sense of peace. It was relaxing. How long had it been since they'd been able to relax like this? Not since last fall. 

After a long while, they reached the end of the bluff and followed a narrow trail down to the sandy beach. Abbey pulled Jed down toward the water where the sand was packed hard. It would be easier to walk there. Every so often she paused to pick up a seashell she thought the kids might like examining it in the sun like a jeweler checking a gem for defects. He knew what she was up to, unobtrusively giving him a chance to take a break, in case his leg bothered him. He saw how she'd watched him like a hawk while he navigated the rather steep path down from the bluff and knew they were walking at a slower pace than normal. But instead of being irritated at being coddled, he felt a deep swelling of love for her. She wasn't babying him – she was concerned about him and she was so damned cute pretending that she wasn't and trying not to draw attention to the fact that she was taking care not to wear him out. 

When they reached the bend in the beach that would set them on a course into the town of Port Harmony, Abbey halted and scanned the area. 

"This looks like a good spot to have lunch. What do you think?" The big dune behind them with the waving sea grass would offer a bit of a buffer to the wind. 

Jed pressed up behind her, his hands sliding up under her oversized sweater to close over her breasts. She leaned back against him, her legs swaying just a bit and rested the back of her head against his shoulder, moaning softly as he pushed the hair back off her cheek and began to run his mouth hotly down the delicate skin of her neck. They stood that way for a long while, Jed's hands rhythmically squeezing and kneading Abbey's breasts, his lips warm her throat, her eyes losing their focus on the glimmering water before her. One of his hands slid down over her belly, into the top of her jeans. As if in a trance, Abbey savored the caresses and leaned back more heavily into Jed as her legs weakened further. It was only when she felt his fingertips slide under the lacy edge of her panties to tease over the soft curls that covered her pubis that she reluctantly snapped back to reality. 

"Not here, Jed." It came out almost as a moan as she tried to tug his hand out of her pants, her eyes on the skipjacks and Secret Service cigarette boats that dotted the bay. Anyone with binoculars... 

"No one can see what I'm doing," he protested, his thumb flicking over her nipple. It was true the sweater did cover up exactly what Jed was doing to her but– 

"What else would you being doing with your hands under my sweater but–" 

"Making you come," he purred. 

"Okay, no more of that." Breathlessly, she pulled away from him, afraid that if she let him go on one moment longer she'd throw caution to the wind. Her chest was heaving when she turned to face him; her face flushed from more than just the chill of the wind. "Are you hungry or not?" 

"Oh, I'm hungry all right, babe." His lascivious tone let her know that it wasn't food he was referring to. 

She laughed. "You're incorrigible, you know that?" 

"I thought you were going to say insatiable." 

"That, honey bear, is a given." 

With a laugh of his own, Jed began to shrug off the backpack he'd insisted on carrying – feminism be damned. He was a man – an old-fashioned man – and men carried the heavy stuff. Not that it was all that heavy, but still. 

As soon as it was off his back, Abbey began digging their lunch out of the insulated cool packs. BLT's on wheat, baked potato chips, baggies filled with red grapes and – two Sam Adams. 

"You brought my beer," Jed said with a happy grin. "Lady, if you didn't already own my heart, I'd give it to you now." 

"If only I'd known it was so easy." She took a bite of her sandwich and settled in beside him against the dune. 

"I'm a simple man." 

"Simple men don't become President." 

They ate their sandwiches and shared their chips with the gulls while watching the fishing fleet out on the water. Then, feeling full and a little lazy from the beer, they laid back against the dune and fed each other grapes while staring up at the puffy white clouds that dotted the blue sky. As they had done so often with their children, they pointed out cloud shapes to each other. Abbey found butterflies and hearts while Jed found football helmets and hockey sticks. Then, out of the blue, Jed rolled onto his side and propped his head on his hand, his elbow digging into the sand. 

"You know," he said. "I'm almost glad it happened." 

Abbey's brow furrowed with confusion. "Glad what–" a spark of recognition lit in her eyes and her face went slack with surprise. "Do you mean the relapse?" 

"Yep." 

"You're glad it happened?" 

"Almost. I mean, I'm glad I finally had one, you know, got it out of the way. For twelve years now I've wondered what it would be like. How I would handle it. How everyone around me would handle it. My thoughts were far worse than what actually happened." 

"How did you think it would play out." 

"I had visions of Aislinn and Nicholas being pissed at me for not being able to play with them the way they wanted, of the girls looking at me with tears and pity, of my staff ready to shelve me and you..." 

"What about me?" Abbey felt her throat clog with tears. 

"You feeling burdened by me, tired of dealing with me, wanting a husband not a patient, wanting a REAL man." 

"Stop!" Abbey placed a hand over his mouth, the hot tears flooding her eyes. She couldn't bear to hear anymore. He lifted her hand, kissed the palm gently and set it aside. 

"It's okay. That isn't how it played out. The little ones adapted better than I could have imagined. I think they were actually more pissed that we put the wheelchair away. They showed me that I could still play with them and read to them and that they love me whether I'm on my feet or on my butt. And the girls? I was still their dad. They teased me and treated me exactly the way they always did, no pity, no tears." 

"That's because you were exactly the same person in that chair that you were out of it." 

"I know that now. I didn't know that before it happened." 

"What about me?" she asked softly. 

"You?" Jed trailed a finger over her check and tucked a strand of shining auburn hair behind her ear. "Well, Abigail, you were the best surprise of them all. You never ONCE made me feel that I was a burden to you. You encouraged me and kept my spirits up and made me believe that I would get better. I wouldn't be where I am right now at this point without your love and your help." 

"My molly coddling?" 

Jed gave a soft snort of laughter and Abbey smiled in response. It was nice that they could laugh about that argument now. 

"Yes, molly coddling. If I'd done my part, you wouldn't have had to go to such extremes, I get that now. But as a man, you never made me feel like I was anyone but the same stubborn jackass I was before the relapse." 

"That's because you were the same stubborn jackass. I never saw you any differently, Jed. I know you saw yourself differently, but I never did." 

"I know. You never made me feel bad about the sex, either." 

"Why would I? I mean, don't get me wrong, last night and this morning – they were great. I'm thrilled we can make love that way again. But I'd have been happy with you for the rest of my days even if you'd never had another erection. The sex, that's just the icing on the cake." 

He grinned, traced her full bottom lip with his thumb. "Pretty damn good icing." 

"Yeah," she admitted with smile. "Pretty damn good." She rolled onto her own side and faced him. "Can I ask you a question?" 

"Oh oh..." 

"It's nothing bad." 

"Okay, then." 

"I just wonder...Do you ever think about what you want when we leave the White House? What you want our lives to be like?" 

"I guess I just figured we'd go back to the farm." A look of alarm crossed his face. "You do want to go back to the farm, don't you?" 

"Of course I want to go back to the farm. That's our home and I can't think of a better place to raise our kids. I've just been thinking lately about our future." 

"Come to any conclusions?" 

"For myself. We're both too young to retire, but neither of us can go back to where we were. I thought for quite a while that I'd get myself back up to snuff, get back into surgery, but that isn't what I want anymore." 

"No?" 

"No. It's different now. We're older; we've reached the pinnacle of our careers. I want to step back and smell the roses. I want to hold your hand and walk along the edge of the pond at the end of the day. I want to spend hot lazy summer afternoons reading books together on the back porch. I want to sneak away with you every once in a while to bed and breakfasts in the mountains. I want to share long breakfasts on the observation deck in the orchard watching the kids play tag around the apple trees. I want to enjoy Aislinn and Nicky's childhood. Not that I didn't enjoy the girls' childhood but it was always a struggle, trying to juggle work and their busy lives. I don't want to do that this time around." 

"You want to stay at home with them?" 

"No, I don't want that either. By the time we get home, they'll be starting first grade and they'll be gone all day. I'm not cut out to just take care of the house and the kids. I want to work. I love being a doctor. I love the fulfillment it gives me to help people get well. I just don't want to go back to long hours and being on call. I was thinking about setting up a small practice or even working at a free clinic in Manchester. Maybe teaching a class at back at Harvard. Something I can do part time so I can be home with you and the kids in the afternoon and evenings without worries of being called away. And, I'd like for us to do some traveling when the kids are on break from school." 

"I like the sound of that. I mean the part about you not being called away. It will be nice for us to have you all to ourselves." 

"Same goes for you. And, what about you? Have you thought about it at all?" 

"Not really in depth," he admitted. "But last year I had a little bit of an epiphany." 

"You had an epiphany and didn't share it with me." 

"You were back at the farm. I was on my own." 

"Oh." 

Jed continued on quickly, hearing the pain in that simple whispered word and seeing the sadness cast shadows in her eyes. "It was when those tornadoes hit Oklahoma and I went to survey the damage. When I was at the Red Cross shelter talking to those people one and one listening to their stories and asking them what they needed for help, I realized just how much I miss that kind of one on one. I don't get that anymore. I have quick photo ops with real people and questions in town hall formats, but I don't have the kind of contact I'd like to have. The best part of being a Congressman was having my constituents come to me with their problems and then working my ass off to solve them." 

"You want to run for Congress again?" 

Jed chuckled. "Not exactly. I'm done running for office, I promised you that. Though I do intend to support the programs I started as President. What I was trying say is that whatever I end up doing, I'd like to have time to do more of that one on one kind of stuff, maybe with kids. I like to work with kids; I've missed that since I left teaching." 

"You want to go back to teaching?" 

"I don't know, maybe, not full time but I might be interested in doing a class or two. But I was thinking more along the lines of troubled kids. Teens in tough circumstances that need help with a second chance. Our greatest natural resource in this country is our children and if we can catch some of these kids when they're young, before they're hardened, we can show them the right path and keep them off the path to drugs and gangs and violence and destruction." 

"Sounds to me like you have been doing some thinking about this." 

"I guess I have. I just didn't really think of it in the context of what I'm planning to do with my life once I'm out of the White House. I know I'll be contributing – that's what's most important to me. I don't care about money or titles; I just want to contribute. I also think a lot about our own kids. I'm looking forward to really being there for Aislinn and Nicholas the way I was with the girls, you know, cheering them on at T-ball games and soccer games and driving them to school and to their practices or lessons. I might even want to help out coaching or with scouting. Thankfully they're young enough that I haven't had to miss much yet, but I know the majority of the burden of raising them has been on your shoulders since they were born. I look forward to the time when I can share that responsibility more fully, not because it's a burden but because it really is a joy. I love spending time with them and it's hard on all of us when I can't. When I'm no longer President, I don't want to have to worry about that anymore." 

He caught a soft smile that slowly curved on her lips. "You look relieved," he said. "Is that not the kind of future you thought I'd envision?" 

"I don't know, Jed. You've always had this need to prove yourself." They both knew whom he felt the need to prove himself to and Abbey smoothed the lines of tension that creased his forehead at the thought of his father. "I was hoping that being President would have finally done the trick and that you could finally relax and just be who you are." 

"Who I am, huh?" 

"Yes. And I think the ideas you just mentioned are very true to who you are." She brushed a wayward locked of bronze hair back off his forehead. "You really would have made a great priest – though I'm eternally grateful it didn't happen." 

"Yeah, well, there's only one problem with that." 

"What?" 

"I like doing this too much." Deftly, he flipped her onto her back and in one quick move was on top of her his face inches from hers. 

Abbey giggled. "That could definitely be a problem." 

Jed's hands came up to gently frame her face and he gazed deeply into her laughing jade eyes. "I thank God every day that he chose a different path for me. That he put a beautiful green-eyed temptress in front of me and she showed me what it meant to love and be loved." 

"Me right?" 

He chuckled and kissed the tip of her nose. "No, the other green eyed temptress I've spent my life loving." 

"If I find her, I'll kill her." 

"I'd rather just kiss her," he said – and he did. 


	51. Altered Lives

Reading, Jed thought with a shake of his head. She wants to spend the afternoon reading. They had one weekend alone and his delectable little wife wanted to waste it stretched out by the fire reading together. He sighed and lit the newspaper he'd twisted in between the kindling in the fireplace, igniting a flame that slowly grew to engulf the careful fire he'd laid out. 

Smiling, Abbey quietly crossed the carpet. Jed was crouched before the hearth tossing another log onto the fire he'd created and pushing it around with the poker. Thirty years into her marriage and she could still lust over her husband's cute butt in the tightly stretched jeans. His shirt rode up out of those jeans as he leaned forward exposing the small of his back. Slowly, she bent and ran her fingertips over the bare warm skin. 

Jed gave a start and whipped around. His face went slack, the scowl that had been pinching it fading as he took in his wife. 

"THAT'S the comfortable clothes you changed into to read?" 

Her grin widened, deepening the dimple in her cheek and she stood placing a hand provocatively on her hip and thrusting her chest out. 

"You picked it out for me." 

Jed ran his tongue over his suddenly dry lower lip. Indeed he had picked it out, but seeing it in a catalog was far different from seeing it on his wife's lush body. The sheer scarlet red baby doll top had one silk tie at the breasts leaving Abbey's torso nude all the way to the top of the matching lace G-string. 

"When I bought it I didn't envision you reading in it." 

"Oh, I think you might enjoy this kind of reading." A flirtatious smile and a flash of the book cover had Jed's eyes widening. A brawny bare chested man was pushing a gown down off the shoulders of a long-haired woman whose head was thrown back exposing the tops of her large breasts. Abbey could see she'd caught his interest. 

"A bodice ripper?" he asked. "Not your usual taste in reading material." 

"I can be eclectic. You're the one who said you wanted me to read you something sexy." 

"So I did." 

"So, take off your pants." 

"Excuse me but I think if memory serves me right I believe it is the men that take charge in these novels." He'd browsed through a couple of these kinds of books when his girls were teens to check out what they were reading. 

"Fine," Abbey shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't take off your pants. I'll just read this to myself." She turned to walk away. 

Hot damn, he'd forgotten she was wearing a G-string. Momentarily torn between stopping her and enjoying watching the sheer lingerie slide erotically over her bare toned buttocks, he actually allowed her to get all the way to the couch before calling her to a halt. 

"Abbey," he croaked. 

She turned back to him with a slow, self-satisfied grin that was as sexy as her lingerie. 

"Yes, dear?" she purred. 

He yanked at the fly on his jeans, slid them quickly down his hips and kicked them away. "I'm taking my pants off." 

Abbey's heated gaze moved over his broad chest and nicely toned torso and the black silk boxers that hung low on his hips. She nodded approvingly. 

"Very nice, babe." 

He held a hand out to her and she joined him back in front of the fireplace. Grabbing pillows and cushions from the couch, they made themselves a cozy little nest by the hearth and Abbey opened the book to the chapter she'd found in the bathtub the other night and began to read. 

Her voice, sultry and warm and slightly husky was so sensual Jed figured she could make reading the phone book erotic. He could listen to her read forever. But it was more than just the steamy love scene she was reading that was getting Jed all hot and bothered. While she read, her fingertips were toying with the hair on his chest, teasing his nipples to attention and taunting his growing arousal by tracing down the smattering line of hair that ran from his naval to disappear into the top of his boxers. 

"Eyes wide with apprehension, Lila watched Rafe strip off his breeches and turn to her. Her eyes, both apprehensive and excited, were riveted to the swollen appendage between his thighs. Rafe's blood heated as he gazed down at where the pretty serving girl's eyes lay. His manroot throbbed with the need to..." 

"Wait a minute," Jed stopped her. "Manroot? Does it really say that?" 

Abbey gazed up at him over the top of her reading glasses. "You think I'd make that up?" 

"Why don't they just call a cock a cock?" 

"Because it's a 1980's historical romance novel. Cock isn't exactly a romantic word. You don't like manroot?" 

"It sounds like some kind of vitamin supplement. An all natural version of Viagra or something." 

Chuckling, Abbey set the book aside. 

"What, you're done?" 

"I think I've achieved my purpose." Gently, she slid a hand across silky boxers taking note of the hard bulge that lay beneath. 

"Your non-apprehensive eyes appear riveted to my swollen appendage," he grinned. 

"Yeah?" She slipped her hand under the boxers, softly scratching at the course hair at his groin with her fingernails. "Well, I think your manroot is throbbing for me." She curled her hand around his thick length giving him a gentle squeeze. 

"I know my cock is." he groaned. 

Propping herself on her elbow, Abbey continued to stroke Jed while taking his right nipple between her lips and tonguing it to life. And then she kissed him, her long fragrant hair creating a curtain around them, blocking out the world and anything but the need they felt for each other. Abbey felt Jed's fingers at the tie that held her nightie together at her breasts and then his hands were warm on her bare flesh, his palm circling over her nipple caressing it to a pebbled peak. By the time the blood-heating kiss ended, they were both breathing heavily. Jed sat up to remove his boxers while Abbey stretched out languidly on her belly, enjoying the feel of the soft rug abrading her aroused nipples. 

Turning back to her, Jed paused allowing himself the luxury of taking in her special womanly beauty. The dancing flames created a rosy glow over her creamy skin and fiery sparks in the long russet hair that spilled over her shoulders. His eyes followed her slender back, to the dipping arch that rose to the rounded firm globe of her rear. Bending over her, he pushed her hair to the side and buried his face against the back of her neck nuzzling her. She sighed softly enjoying the play of his lips as they trailed down her spine creating goosebumps all over. His tongue traced the delicate arch at the small of her back and Abbey grew restless. The pulsing ache between her thighs grew with every stroke of Jed's tongue on her skin and when those lips moved over her buttocks it grew nearly unbearable. 

"Touch me," she moaned, separating her legs. "Please, Jed." 

Jed hooked his fingers in the tiny strings that ran across her hips and slowly lowered her panties. His lips followed the trail down over the backs of her thighs, the tender spot behind her knees that made her whimper – and had earned her the nickname Sweet Knees – and down over her calves. When the panties were gone, Jed grabbed a pillow and slid it under Abbey's belly allowing him better access as he followed the path back up her body, this time nibbling at the satiny skin of her inner thighs. He allowed his tongue to touch the warm center at the apex of Abbey's thighs eliciting a tiny whimper and a thrust of her hips. She was wet and swollen and that was all he needed to know. 

Abbey thought for sure that there would be more of the divine pleasure his mouth wrought upon her but after that one velvety slick slide of his tongue, he left her. "Jed..." his name was a soft plea that ended in a gasp as she felt his teeth gently nip her bottom and her blood ran hot, every nerve that he touched running straight to her groin. 

"As succulent as a ripe peach," he murmured, nipping her again. Abbey could feel his penis, hot and hard against her thigh and she burned with a primal need for it. 

Gently, he slipped a hand beneath her flattening his palm over her belly. "May I?" he whispered hotly against her ear. 

"Yes," she breathed. "God, yes." 

With permission given, Jed lifted her slightly and then he was penetrating her and it was so good Abbey could only close her eyes and give in to the exquisite sensation. He moved against her, rocking gently, searching, knowing when he hit that special spot deep inside her by the way her entire body clenched around him. 

"Oh yeah," Abbey groaned. "Right there, oh god...don't stop." 

He didn't. He continued to thrust against that spot, deep, hard, over and over again until her deep sighs became ragged cries and she pushed desperately back at him. 

Abbey couldn't breathe; the pleasure was so intense she wasn't sure she could bear it. She was reduced to nothing but wildness and need and sensation, driving higher and higher her whole body trembling. Then for one breathless moment there was nothing, she was suspended at the edge of a precipice waiting... After what seemed like an eternity, she gave a strangled cry and fell over that edge into the most shattering exquisite pleasure imaginable. Her body throbbed and pulsed and contracted with her orgasm. Jed continued to move within her – more gently now, not quite so deep – enjoying her pleasure, putting off his own. 

When her body finally went limp, Jed withdrew and turned her onto her back. Her eyes were closed and he kissed the delicate lids, tasted the perspiration on her brow. Abbey opened her eyes, fighting to regain her focus. 

"That was incredible, Jed. I..." But before she could speak another word, Jed was pressing hard sucking kisses on the delicate skin of her breasts, his mouth closing over a rosy nipple and taking it in deep and hard, the rhythmic suckling prolonging her pleasure, sending jolts through her belly deep into the core of her femininity. Jed's damp penis was still hard and insistent against her hip. On some hazy level, she knew that he hadn't yet come but when she realized what he intended, she wasn't sure if she had it in her to continue. 

"Jed...I can't," she moaned. It was too much, too much sensation. 

"No?" He raked his teeth across her swollen aroused nipple at the same time he slid two fingers over her belly and down over her moist heat to enter her body gently but firmly. Abbey cried out and arched against his fingers, her thighs falling apart easily for him. He grinned reveling in the feel of her slick wet walls squeezing against his fingers as he slid them in and out of her. He loved Abbey in take charge mode, but he also loved her like this wanton and needy and wild for him. Positioning himself between her thighs, he paused for a moment with just the tip of his erection entering the entrance to her body, staring down at her. Her lashes opened in confusion and that was all he needed to see – love shining naked and raw in her eyes. He bent then, kissed her and slipped his hands beneath her buttocks, lifting her at the same time he slid back into her warm welcoming depths with one long perfect thrust forward. 

Abbey cried out. Her womb was still contracting from her last orgasm and already she could feel the rise to peak beginning all over again. Jed began pumping into her and after only a few thrusts, Abbey raised her legs wrapping them around his waist, resting her heels on the small of his back so he could take her deeper and faster, urging him on to his own release. She'd been living for months without this, without the glide of Jed's penis, without the feel of his heavy body covering her, without the feel of his back muscles and buttocks straining as he thrust into her again and again stretching and filling every empty void. Her hands reached for him, digging into the flexing muscles of his shoulders, reveling in his strength, in his sheer masculinity. Within minutes, the room was filled with the earthy, almost animalistic sounds of sex, grunts and groans answered by cries and whimpers. 

They hadn't lost a beat; it was the same uninhibited mating it had always been for them. The same merging of body and spirit. The same need to connect in this most physically intimate way. Abbey knew Jed's fears and vulnerabilities and where all his scars lay and he knew hers. This was what it was all about, a love so deep, so powerful, so all knowing that it had to be shared on every level. 

Feeling everything in his groin and belly tightening and tensing, his penis swelling with the warm waves of pleasure that grew stronger and stronger as he got closer and closer to the explosion he craved, nothing mattered to Jed but burying himself again and again in his wife's body. Spurred on by Abbey's own cries of pleasure, he grasped her hips and held them down against the floor, pistoning his hips against her hard feeling the pressure building and building until it was nearly unbearable. His breathing grew ragged. He tried to focus on Abbey's face beneath him. He'd dreamed about doing this so many times over the past two months he wanted to savor it all – but it was too much. A tingling electric rush ran from his testicles, deep inside into his belly then exploded from his penis with a liquid rush of fire. He threw his head back his eyes closing and uttered a harsh groan of Abbey's name as he ejaculated. Beneath him, he knew that Abbey was cresting again, felt her heels digging frantically into his back her fingernails into his shoulders. He continued to move within her, each slide forward prolonging their orgasms until he had nothing left but the intense relief of sexual release and he collapsed on top of her. 

Too exhausted to move, Abbey enjoyed the feel of Jed's warm weight upon her. Their bodies were still joined and she could feel his heart pounding against her as he came down from the high. His chest hair was abrasive against her sensitized breasts and while she too fought to catch her breath, she trailed her fingertips up and down his spine and over his back. 

When he finally came back down to earth, Jed lifted himself from her. 

"Sorry," he murmured, brushing a sweat dampened lock of hair back off her cheek. "Didn't mean to crush you." 

She smiled, feeling slightly bereft as he withdrew from her body and rolled onto his side. But, she hadn't lost his attention. Gently he continued to stroke her from her breasts to the soft nest between her legs and back again. Unerringly without having to look and with the fingers of a man who'd done it hundreds of times, he gently caressed the tiny, faded scar left from Zoey's emergency C-section that lay right above her sex. 

"That feels nice," she sighed, enjoying the soothing play of his fingertips. 

"I spent two months dreaming about doing this again," he said. 

"I know." She stopped his hand where he'd begun rubbing the moisture he'd left on her inner thigh into her skin and lifted it pressing a kiss into his palm. "Has it been as good as you remembered?" 

He laughed. "Any better and I'd be dead." Then he grew serious. "With my body I thee worship. This is special, Abbey. This is you and me and it's always only been you and me – from that first time in the hayloft." 

Abbey nodded and kissed his hand again. From the very beginning it had never been "just sex" between her and Jed. Making love from the very first time – their very first times – had always been about more than the physical pleasure, had always been wrapped in a cloak of passion, love and commitment. Whether a quickie while a baby napped or in between meetings, or an entire afternoon spent in bed, it had never been anything less in their marriage than lovemaking. And nothing had exemplified that more to Abbey than the last couple of months. While many men would have been upset over the lack of feeling below the waist and how that would effect their own sexual pleasure, Jed's distress had been more over the fear of not being able to give her the same kind of sexual pleasure she was used to in their marriage. 

"This is what I missed the most," she said, curling into him, her fingertips tracing patterns over his chest, watching the firelight dance over his sweat glistened skin. "Having you hold me like this, feeling so close to you." 

He swallowed tightly and brushed his lips against the top of her head where it lay on his shoulder. "I never stopped wanting you – even when I was afraid I couldn't do anything about it. I've always burned for you. Even when I'm old and gray, I'll still burn for you. I'm sorry I was too afraid to even give you this. I was an ass." After a few moments of silence Jed stopped her hand. "You were supposed to protest and tell me I wasn't an ass." 

She laughed. "I think we both know you were. But, you know everyone has a right to be an ass at times and the fact of the matter is – I understand. I know how it is to be scared that something that was once so good might be changed forever. I know what it is to want to keep that fear and insecurity bottled up inside because giving voice to it gives it life. I've been there." 

Reflecting for a moment on the dark days after Abbey had been raped; Jed felt a lump form in his throat. "I know you have." 

"And you're the one that brought me out of it. You're the one that convinced me that we would get through it all together if we were open and honest and didn't close off. I hope I've been able to do the same for you. I don't want you to close off again. If you have fears and concerns, I want you to share them with me. I want you to let me help you." 

He nodded his agreement. 

"I'm serious, Jed. You've gotten very used to taking the world on your shoulders as President. But in our personal lives you are not the President. We are still equal partners and as partners we share each other's problems and burdens." 

"I know. You're right. That doesn't mean you aren't going to have to kick my ass every now and again though." 

"Of course I will. You're a man, after all." 

Jed's chest shook with a deep chortle of laughter. "Oh, Abigail, I DO love you." 

"I love you too," she smiled down on him, her lips just inches from his. "Even when you're an ass." 

**** 

They slept in late the next morning, enjoying a lazy Sunday morning in bed sleeping and making love. It was a luxury they'd rarely experienced in their marriage until their girls became teens who enjoyed sleeping in even more than they did – but for different reasons. Now between the twins and Jed's job it was a rarity and they took advantage of it. 

"I think we should just stay naked and in bed all day," Jed murmured sleepily. He was in his favorite place in the world, his cheek pillowed on Abbey's soft right breast. 

"I have no problem with that," she said threading her fingers through his hair. "But we'll have to cancel our brunch reservations at The Driftwood.". She giggled as Jed's stomach growled in protest. 

"What?" he asked. 

"I don't think you're cut out for this whole 'living on love' kind of thing." 

"I'd be willing to give it a try." 

She smiled, sighing when he licked her nipple. But they both knew that they each had too much energy to laze about in bed all day. And that they had to get up for the late morning Mass at St. John's in town. Still, it was nice relaxing morning, a nice way to start the day. 

Keeping with the casual theme to the day, Abbey dressed in a pair of cream colored wool slacks and nautical navy blue short-waisted blazer. 

"No garters this morning?" Jed asked, while zipping the fly on his khaki Dockers. He, too, was going casual – the Dockers, a white dress shirt without a tie and his own navy blue blazer. 

"How many times have I told you you're not supposed to think about sex when you're in church." 

"If God didn't want me thinking about sex he wouldn't have given me a co– 'manroot'," he grinned. Abbey laughed. 

"You're never gonna let that one go, are you?" 

"Nope." 

After taking turns speaking to the twins on the phone, Jed saw the tell tale wistful look on Abbey's face as she sat on the edge of the bed seemingly lost in thought. 

"Don't do it," he said. 

"Don't do what?" 

"Don't go feeling all guilty on me now." 

"I can't help it. When I hear their voices, I miss them." 

"I do too. But we weren't wrong. We do need time for ourselves. We have precious little of it as it is." 

"I know," she smiled tenderly and reached out to touch his cheek. "I don't begrudge us this. Sometimes wanting to be in two places at the same time comes with the territory." 

"Do you want to go home early?" 

"What?" Her eyes widened in surprise. "No, I'm looking forward to today. I was just thinking that maybe I'll pick them up from school tomorrow and take them out for a special lunch before I go to the clinic. I'll talk to the Service about it today." 

"I'm sure they'll like that. But don't forget we have the Nobel Laureates dinner tomorrow night." 

"I'll be back in plenty of time. As if I'd miss watching you take your place with all the brilliant people in the world. Now, we better get moving or we'll be late for church." 

**** 

Their idyllic solitary weekend was shattered as the motorcade pulled up to St. John the Evangelist. Word had got out that they were in residence and ropes held back the crowds and the press. The church was filled to capacity. Jed and Abbey had become accustomed to this kind of reaction and it was no longer jarring or surprising. Holding hands as they climbed the steps up to the church, they smiled and waved at the crowd then ducked inside. 

By the time they left church, having been fasting all morning so they could accept communion, both Jed and Abbey were starving and more than ready for brunch. Abbey had chosen the Driftwood Inn for their meal. It was an elegant old colonial inn, one of the many that boasted "George Washington slept here". 

"Do you think they'll add "Josiah Bartlet ate here"," Jed quipped. They quickly found that not only would that boast be added but also a picture would be included as both Jed and Abbey were asked to pose with the chef. Their table was in the back of the inn. It was in a cozy room with a fire crackling and a great view of the bay. They dined on eggs benedict, crabcakes and fresh fruit, sipping their Bloody Mary's while watching the fishing boats come and go from the busy harbor. By the time they were finished eating, they were full and ready to walk off their meal. 

When Abbey was alone in Port Harmony, she often sneaked into town in a baseball cap and sunglasses but with Jed's Service detail that was not possible. They'd had to tell the Service where they wanted to go and those shops had already been cleared, the block roped off. 

"I always feel guilty when they do this," Abbey said as they entered the bookstore. "I feel like we disrupt people's lives." 

"We do," Jed said bluntly. "But look at it this way. We're also bringing in business. As soon as we leave here all those people outside are going to come in wanting to know what we looked at, what we bought." 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop," said one of the clerks that worked in the store, "but what you said is true, Mr. President. The last time you shopped here we had some people come in and buy every book that you bought. Some only bought the bestsellers but there were a few that bought even the most obscure books that caught your interest. Books we probably wouldn't have sold any other way." 

"Ahh...so maybe I'm raising the bar, educating the masses." 

"Or boring them to tears," Abbey said. 

"What exactly are you saying, Abigail?" 

"I'm saying I feel sorry for some of those people who come in excited to read what their President is reading and find that you've bought," she grabbed the book that Jed held in his hand and scanned the title a brow lifting _The Agricola and the Germania_. 

"More people should be interested in Rome and classical life," he sniffed. "I'm going to raise the level of discourse in the country, I'm going to–" 

"Put them to sleep?" she smirked. 

"Well, let's see what you're reading that might be so all-fire interesting to the American public." 

Abbey handed him the two books in her hand that she'd been browsing through. 

" _The Secret Life Of Bees_ ," he read. "Hmm...I'd like to assume that this is not an actual book about life in a bee society but given the scientific bent of your mind–" 

Abbey shook her head with amusement. "It's a coming of age story of a girl living in the south during the 1960's." 

Jed lifted the next one his eyes sharpening with interest. " _Reading Lolita in Tehran_." He scanned the back of the book seeing that it was the true story of a group of Iranian women coming together in secret to read the western classics that had been banned by the Islamic government and who ended up debating the social, cultural, and political realities for women living under strict Islamic law. 

"This one sounds interesting," he admitted. "I'd like to read it when you're finished." 

Abbey grinned. She might tease Jed but his reading habits were really quite eclectic and he enjoyed a wide variety of genres. "Of course." 

"You want read _The Agricola and the Germania_ when I'm finished?" 

"I think I'll pass," she grimaced. "But I would like to read this one." She picked up another book Jed had added to his pile titled _The Five People You Meet in Heaven_. 

"Deal." 

Abbey knew she was lucky. Many of her women friends would give anything to get their husbands to read a book, let alone discuss one with her, but she and Jed had always bonded over a shared love of reading. They often recommended books to each other, or knowing the other's taste, advised not to bother. They were their own book club, discussing and debating insights, nuances, merits, or disappointments of the many books they read, often getting each other to read things they may never have discovered on their own. 

Just down the street from Bay Books was The General Store. Jed loved the many rural general stores in New Hampshire where you could buy anything from bright orange hunting caps to old-fashioned flavored soda pop to the new fads in aromatherapy. While Jed was busy picking out a sour pickle from a big wooden barrel, Abbey browsed the new styles in Vera Bradley bags. Liz had informed her that these bags were now all the rage with the teen crowd and Annie's birthday was just a few months away. After picking one out in summer colors of lime and teal green in a paisley swirl, her eye was caught by a barrel filled with the most exquisite walking sticks. Hand carved maple, cherry and alder wood sticks with sleek lines and curves. The tops were carved into the shapes of forest animals and wizards, dragons and zodiac symbols and when she found a particularly stunning one made of dark cherry wood and carved with the head of a lion her eyes moved contemplatively to Jed. Her husband was a Leo and he hated his cane. Would he appreciate her bringing this masculine walking stick to his attention or would he feel she was pouring salt on a wound? 

"Jed," she finally called out. 

"Yeah, babe?" He approached with a smile on his face. "I got us both a couple of nice cold root beers. Look, they're even in the old glass bottles." 

Abbey accepted the bottle and took a sip from the cold soda. "That's good, thanks." 

"What did you need me for?" 

"I want to know if you'd let me buy you one these walking sticks." 

Jed's face went tight for a moment before he consciously made himself relax. He hated being reminded of his infirmity. 

"Abbey–" 

"Look, Jed, the fact of the matter is at times – maybe once every five years, who knows – you may need to use your cane and you hate that cane. Look at how cool this walking stick is. We all use walking sticks when we go on hikes, you want to take the kids on hikes again don't you?" 

"Aw, Abigail, using me own children is a low blow," he decried in an Irish brogue that had Abbey chuckling. But he was intrigued. He took the stick eyeing the craftsmanship. 

"It is very masculine looking," he said. 

"Very manly," she agreed with a smile. 

"And it is a lion, Felidae Panthera, a Leo, and I'm a Leo, a leader, head of the pride, king of the jungle–" 

"Jed." 

"Did you know that lionesses solicit mating more often with heavily maned lions?" He touched his own thick head of hair suggestively. Abbey rolled her eyes. 

"Yeah, that's it," she leaned in close whispering into his ear, "I want to mate with you because of your thick hair." 

"One never knows, Abigail." 

"Okay, let's forget the stick." She pretended to make a grab for it but he pulled it back out of her. 

"No, I think I will let you get this for me," he cast her a sly look, "now that I know why you thought of me when you saw it." 

"Jed, Jed, Jed," she shook her head and gave a long suffering sigh but couldn't help the smile that curved her lips. She'd won a victory today and they'd both come out winners. 


	52. Altered Lives

Stirring awake, Abbey shivered as an early morning breeze slid over her body, tightening her exposed nipple and raising goosebumps on her bare arms. Both she and Jed enjoyed fresh air so they'd opened the window a bit before going to bed last night. Shivering again, she pulled the blanket up over her shoulders from where it had fallen to her waist and turned into Jed's warmth. The man was better than an electric blanket. 

She lay in gray moments before dawn pressed to her husband's warmth, feeling closer to him and more at peace than she had in months. Watching the breeze toy with the curtains and hearing a gull cry out over the bay she couldn't think of a nicer way to wake up – well, without Jed being awake too, of course – he did have some amazingly nice ways of waking her. The morning phone calls from the White House operator made her feel like they lived in a hotel. For a moment she thought about burrowing back under the covers and going back to sleep, but they were returning to Washington today and that gave the morning an edge, a sense of expectation. While one part of her yearned to stay here, to keep her husband all to herself another part of her yearned to get back to work. There was still a lot left to do and neither she nor Jed was of the type to let a job go unfinished. And then, more than the work, there were the kids. Her eyes fell to the picture of Aislinn and Nicholas that they had on the nightstand beside the bed. It was taken last fall when they were all out on the skipjack on the bay. The sun was gleaming in their shining blond hair and their heads were thrown back with laughter as they tossed the remnants of their sandwiches to the gulls. She didn't need the pang that twisted her heart to remind her how much she missed her kids. 

Suddenly unable to lie still any longer, Abbey stretched and rose. She gave a soft groan as the muscles of her inner thighs gave a slight protest. Thigh muscles that had gone too long without being wrapped tightly around her man's hips and had been used with incredible frequency this weekend. Pausing for a moment, she stood nude by their bed, smiling down at her still sleeping husband. He'd murmured an incoherent protest when she'd risen but had fallen back asleep. He lay sprawled now on his belly, the blankets twisted around his hips with just a small glimpse of bare buttock. A wave of tenderness swept through her as she examined him at his most vulnerable. Oh how she loved his body, his strong back – she could still feel the muscles in that back flexing beneath her fingers as he made love to her – the faded freckles on his shoulders left over from last summer's sun – she'd tasted each one with her tongue – and the way his thick hair was tousled at the nape of his neck – most probably from her own fingertips threading through the silky mass. Sleep brought a relief to Jed's face, a careless boyishness that was accentuated by the hair that fell haphazard onto his forehead. A wistful smile for the day that the world no longer rested on her husband's shoulders touched Abbey's lips and she bent to brush a kiss over his bare shoulder. He felt the kiss and still asleep reached out an arm to pull her close. 

"Not this morning," she laughed and kissed the back of his hand. "Go back to sleep. We'll be leaving in a couple of hours." 

She didn't need to tell him twice. After returning from town, they'd taken another walk by the water, then played games of chess and Scrabble in front of the fire before watching _National Treasure_ , a movie Zoey and Charlie had recommended, then retiring to bed for more of the lovemaking they'd been so long deprived. 

With a need to prolong the feeling of closeness, sensing these were the last few moments before they were thrust back into the maelstrom, Abbey grabbed the dress shirt Jed had worn into town the day before, buttoned it, and made her way down to the kitchen. She brewed a pot of coffee then after wrapping herself in a fleece throw, she took her mug, steaming with the delicious brew, out to the back porch that faced the water. Curled in her blanket with the coffee warming and waking her, she watched the sun rise higher on the bay and the world begin to awaken to another day. Just last night she'd sat here with Jed, wrapped in his arms watching the rosy hues of the sunset. She'd be a liar, as well as not human, if she didn't feel a sense of regret at returning to Washington, at returning to sharing him with his other mistress. Having Jed's attention focused on her this weekend, or any time, was a heady experience. The man never did anything in half measures. It had been nice to talk again about books and movies and about their future plans and dreams rather than the politics that dominated much of the conversation back in D.C. To be just Jed and Abbey again, a couple still interested in each other and still deeply in love. The world saw them one way, as the beautiful, intellectual First Couple, but this was who they were at their core, a man and woman, who for better for worst, in good times and in bad, simply loved each other more than life itself. 

**** 

Jed woke grumbling softly when he found the bed at his side empty. He'd wanted to prolong this weekend with his wife for just a bit longer but she was gone. Vaguely, he remembered her rising but didn't know where she'd gone. Pulling on his underwear, he reached for his bathrobe then let it slip. Soon enough they'd be back in the White House where they had to be careful about sleeping in the nude and couldn't wander around in their underwear. But not today, not yet. He glanced at the clock. Not for three more hours. 

He found Abbey in the kitchen barefoot and wearing only his dress shirt which fell to just above her knees, her hair still sleep tousled and sexy as hell. She was cooking something on the stove, something that smelled of apples and cinnamon. And when she bent to throw something in the recycling bin he found that she hadn't bothered to put on any underwear. He cleared his throat. 

Abbey turned, watched him prowl into the kitchen – and with the look glittering in his cerulean eyes, it was definitely a prowl. He scratched the soft mat of hair on his chest and her eyes fell lower, registering just how sexy he was in the tight fitting royal blue boxer-briefs. She loved the way they clung to his muscular thighs and heavy groin, a groin that seemed to expand with every step he took. Abbey felt a shiver run up her spine, no words were needed to convey what would happen next. 

"That's a great package you have there, Mr. President. " She tried for flip, but the husky aroused tone to her voice gave her away. 

He grinned, reached out a hand to cup over her cheek. "The better to have my way with you, my dear." He slid his hand behind her neck to hold her in place and kissed her. 

He hadn't yet shaved and the stubble on his jaw was abrasive adding an exciting sensation to the kiss. Abbey found herself pressed back against the counter lost in the feel of Jed's lips moving on hers, his tongue making delicious sliding forays into her mouth and the hardened mass between his thighs grinding into her pelvis. She was so lost in the kiss it took a moment for the whiff of smoke to register. 

"Jed!" She shoved against his chest and turned her attention back to the oil filled wok. "You made me burn the doughnuts." 

"You're making me homemade apple cider doughnuts? My favorite." 

"I WAS making you your favorite homemade apple cider doughnuts." Her nose wrinkled as she lifted a blackened sphere from the oil. 

"That's okay. I'd rather have YOU for breakfast any day." He grinned as Abbey gave a soft yelp at the feel of his cold hands sliding up under her shirt and over her warm belly. 

"Jed, what are you doing?" 

"Ah, and here I thought I was being pretty clear on the matter. Guess I have to work a little harder." Abbey emitted another yelp as Jed lifted her up onto the island in the middle of the kitchen and began unbuttoning the dress shirt. 

"Jed..." Her protest was cut off when Jed flicked his tongue over her nipple and she moaned instead. 

Yep, Jed knew that would do it. His wife was a responsive, sensual, woman with very sensitive nipples. But he didn't stop there. His lips continued downward, over her flat belly. Before Abbey really knew what had happened, he had her thighs parted and his mouth on her, teasing, caressing, licking and sucking, his tongue unerringly finding her swollen clitoris over and over until her fingernails were trying to dig into the granite top, whimpers of agonizingly sublime pleasure coming in gasps between her parted lips. Her head was thrown back, her back arched, her breasts thrust forward as she rocked against him. 

"Jeeeed...." she groaned, her fingers grasping his hair to hold him in place. "Oh God...Oh God...Yes! Oh God, babe, that's so good...that feels so good...please...please come inside me now." 

Jed paused just long enough to stand; he'd planned to make her come with his mouth first but couldn't resist her pleas. He shoved the cooking paraphernalia that was behind her to the floor and laid her back over the island, her legs spread wide, long hair spilling over the side. 

Abbey propped herself on her elbows, watching him slide his full, thick shaft teasingly against her slick center, over the damp springy auburn curls that protected her femininity then back down again, then watched, with a quick catch in her throat as he slipped his length within her and they were joined as one. His thrusts started slowly then built in speed and force until she gave completely over to him. Laying back, the granite surface hard and cool against her back and buttocks, she wrapped her legs around Jed's hips to take him even more deeply allowing him to drive within her fiercely. And, when Jed couldn't take it any longer, when he knew he was going to come, he began running his thumb back and forth over the bud he had licked and suckled to such swollen sensitivity, making Abbey arch and come right before he did. 

After laying quiet for a few minutes, each needing to come down from the high plains to which they'd been driven, Abbey felt Jed give a heavy sigh against her breasts. 

"What's that for," she asked, not stopping the thread of her fingers through his silky hair. 

"We have to leave. No more of this for a while." 

"No more sex!" she feigned horror. 

"Bite your tongue, woman," he chuckled. "You know what I mean." 

This time she sighed, because she did know what he meant. Spontaneity had its benefits. 

"So you don't want to go back?" she asked. 

"Part of me doesn't – the part of me that enjoys having you all to myself." With that statement, he withdrew from her body with a soft groan and reached for his underwear. When he rose, Abbey was buttoning the dress shirt, tears shimmering on her long eyelashes. He frowned. 

"What did I say? Why the tears?" 

"Relax, these are the happy kind. You know there are times that I get so frustrated having to share you with the world, I guess it's just nice to know you still feel the same way about me." 

"Of course I do. Sharing you has never been easy for me either." 

"We have some pretty big challenges facing us over the next couple of months." 

"Yes, we do. Violence Against Women and Children." 

"The Korea talks and Africa." 

"You up for it?" 

"You bet. You?" 

"You bet. Now, do I still get my doughnuts?" 

**** 

They sat side by side on Marine One, watching the Maryland countryside change beneath them as the helicopter flew them from the sleepy village where they had spent the weekend on Chesapeake Bay, past woods and farmland to the flattened urban sprawl as they got closer to Washington D.C. Jed, in a distinguished charcoal gray suit, the first he'd worn since his arrival on the coast Friday evening, was humming to himself. 

Her insides warm and loose and, yes, a tad aching from all the lovemaking they'd done trying to make up for lost time, Abbey was experiencing her own sense of well being and found herself smiling at absolutely nothing. 

As they approached the White House, she felt Jed's hand move from where it was closed over hers to rest on her knee, his fingers deftly pushing the skirt higher up her thigh. 

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing," she asked with an amused smile. 

She was radiant, Jed thought – with a special inner glow shining brightly in her dancing emerald eyes and dimpled smile. "After spending the entire weekend with me, you still don't know?" 

"You're a terrible flirt, Mr. President." 

"Aw, I thought I was pretty good at it." 

Abbey laughed and took his hand, kissing the knuckles knowing that as they descended he was simply trying to prolong the intimacy of their shared weekend alone. One last moment before they went back to their multiple roles of husband/wife, mother/father and President/First Lady. There had been a lot of changes over the past six months: the twins starting pre-school, the breach in Jed's relationship with Leo and his subsequent heart attack, the shifts in his senior staff, finding out about their son-in-law's infidelity and the physical and emotional changes wrought in both of them by Jed's relapse. But one thing would never change; whatever was thrown at them, whatever difficulties they faced they would always get through them together – and that would make all the difference. 

The End 

A little song that I think sums up the way that Jed must feel about Abbey, especially at this time where she has needed to be such a source of strength for him. 

>   
>  __
> 
> She's got a way about her   
> I don't know what it is   
> But I know that I can't live without her   
> She's got a way of pleasin'   
> I don't know what it is   
> But there doesn't have to be a reason anyway 
> 
> She's got a smile that heals me   
> I don't know why it is   
> But I have to laugh when she reveals me   
> She's got a way of talkin'   
> I don't know why it is   
> But it lifts me up when we are walkin' anywhere 
> 
> She comes to me when I'm feelin' down   
> Inspires me without a sound   
> She touches me and I get turned around 
> 
> She's got a way of showin'   
> How I make her feel   
> And I find the strength to keep on goin'   
> She's got a light around her   
> And ev'rywhere she goes   
> A million dreams of love surround her   
> ev'rywhere 
> 
> She comes to me when I'm feelin' down   
> Inspires me without a sound   
> She touches me and I get turned around 
> 
> She's got a smile that heals me   
> I don't know why it is   
> But I have to laugh when she reveals me   
> She's got a way about her   
> I don't know what it is   
> But I know that I can't live without her– anyway   
>    ( _She's Got a Way_ by Billy Joel)


End file.
